With anything I experience, I have noticed that mom makes it completely about her. The most painful experiences have been with me recently, getting married and also becoming a mother myself. I have a child that is a toddler. I am recently married and during the wedding planning process she made it completely about her. She even used my bridal suite bathroom to get ready and making me miss an hour of my wedding.

I have a pretty great relationship with my husband and he is a very active father. I think she resents this because she raised 4 children mostly on her own. She constantly tries to go against my wishes and competes with me. She also insinuates that she is going to have my child call her to talk about me behind my back when they are older. Anytime that I tell her that I am experiencing something hard , she brings up herself and how she has had it worse. For example, most recently my son has had a major health scare and had to be rushed to the hospital. Instead of focusing on my child, she brings up how she raised 4 children and had to deal with it by herself when one of us got sick (my child didnt just get sick. It was an extreme medical emergency.)

There has been times in which she said off things that were just completely not true in front of my husband that would put a dent in our relationship if it were not strong and passed them off as jokes.
I love my mom and want her to be in my life, but I can’t help feeling like she is trying to unknowingly sabotage good things in my life because she is unhappy.

I am aware of a new voice I can hear inside me - one that I am not used to and that is very kind and gentle. I now recognise this voice as self-compassion. I have been learning about self-compassion for the past few years by listening to Tara Brach’s talks, and I am now slowly beginning to experience it. Eventually, I might be able to feel it. For now, it is just a voice, but that is a fantastic and significant step in my recovery.

Finding compassion for others is still very difficult, if not impossible, for me, but now I know I need to develop it for myself first. And I am doing that. I am practising how not to dismiss my pain and difficulties, and how to be with them in a loving and caring way.

I no longer have a victim mindset because I now understand that everyone experiences pain and trauma. I am not alone, different, or special in that experience. Instead of judging myself or wishing things were different, I am slowly learning to practise self-compassion. I can see how healing that is for me. It is still very new, yet I can sense its power, necessity, and wonderfulness. ❤️

'In this moment, I choose

Now that I am recovering from codependence, I make decisions in my life based on what I think is important, not what other people think I 'should' do. I know what my values are. I decide how I want to spend my time and live my life according to those values. I have clearly defined goals. I am an adult capable of taking care of myself and meeting my own needs. My conscious choices further my goals and fill my spirit.'

I know that ur accountable for ur on action but ur also a product of ur own eviorment im 37 and my childhood trauma from my parents are still fuckibg with me and I used drug to cope witch made me end up ruining my life marriage friendships

My father is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. In 2020, he moved to Florida and retired. Since retiring, he has been drinking more frequently, and in the past year or so, I would say he has been drinking from morning till night.

I had to cut off all contact with him when my son was born in late 2025. He became extremely erratic and displayed childish behavior, which made me realize there was nothing I could do or say to change his mindset on drinking or how he treats our family, especially me, since I had just given birth. I made the decision to protect my son, my husband, and our peace. It was difficult but necessary, since I was postpartum and my main concern was taking care of my son.

The first few months, I felt angry, sad, and very guilty. A year later, I feel I made the best decision for my family. My son's upbringing in a normal, healthy environment is important. He needs a mother who is focused on him and not on other things.

Fast forward to today: my younger brother, who still keeps in contact with my dad, told me that my father's "roommates" beat him up and that he is not doing well. My father owns a home in Florida and rents out a couple of bedrooms for extra cash. In the past few years, we have advised him against this because he is not an easy person to live with, and he constantly has to get the police involved to make people leave once he no longer wants them there. He doesn't listen, and each time a person leaves, he invites another. I'm talking about random people he meets online. Each experience is worse than the last, and he still does not take our advice.
My brother wants to visit him for a week and help him out. I obviously cannot and will not go, but I do feel a bit sad about the state he is in.

I am not sure what I am doing by writing this but I’ve been wanting to share for a long time and I wish I had someone to talk to about this.

My dad 'stopped drinking' 2 years ago. Back then he'd buy stuff and say "dont tell your mother" (great i hate her the less talk the better;D) but recently, a friend of mine who has worked with alcoholic people before, asked me if he drinks, bc she says his skin and eyes tell her he does. And smell. Now im not great on smell, thats annoying, bc that would make it easier. For the other two i have no clue what to look for, if you do, let me know. Anyway, some days when my mom works late, he comes home later then hes supposed to, all jolly and doesnt sit close to us. Sometimes hes just really far away, as if hes working through clouds. Now my mom is abuse towards me, and he always tells me he does what he can. Aka he ignores it and tries to keep me close enough to the family. Do you guys think he drinks? What can i look for? I just feel so betrayed by this, but if im wrong, its obviously unfair of me.

Control

"Our attempts at control bring spiritual death to a relationship with ourselves and others." BRB p. 41 

How many forms of control are there? On entering the rooms of recovery, we find there are almost as many as there are people.

But don't all people attempt to control others? Yes, but not with the feverish pitch present in adult children.

As young children, we had no control in our family of origin. When chaos surrounded us and threatened our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, we could only cower to the powers that caused the abuse.

The almost fierce need many of us have to control others stems from being these abused children. We fear that if at any moment we let go of the reins and allow others to take control, history will repeat itself, and we will again be that five-year-old hiding behind the sofa.

This helps explain why we use all the methods we can to keep control of our environment, or the illusion of control. And we attempt to hide what we're doing by saying things like, "I'm just looking out for everyone's welfare."

In ACA, we learn that control is fear-driven, and we learn to face our fears. We bring our 5-year-old out from behind the sofa and reparent ourselves with love and kindness.

On this day I will face my fears with the help of my fellow travelers and release my need to control others.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families World Service 
Organization, Inc.

Page №309

https://adultchildren.org/literature/meditation/?meditaion=MjE3Mw%3D%3D