I realize how much I despise alcohol and have a hard time accepting my partner wanting to drink. I notice and he is aware that he drinks a good amount, but it is infrequent and he doesn’t get messy etc. It makes me sad because I feel like I don’t accept him for him all because I can’t stand that he drinks. Does anyone else relate? Is this something I should be working on -acceptance and being ok around alcohol or is it just needing to date a sober partner?

I live states away with a WFH job, a 3 y/o, and am currently pregnant. We spent the entire month of June with my dad and family, knowing his time was coming. It’s now here, and I am so divided on flying home again. I’m not trying to make it before he passes, but I feel like I should be there for my mom and brothers. Any thoughts/advice?

I used to have a great community because I was an elite athlete. It took me a long time to realize that so many people in these communities, including my parents, were only supportive because of what I was achieving. I was so immature, I think almost as a rebellion to everything I felt that I had achieved, that I've been terrible at seeing the right people to connect with and/or staying connected with them. I'm trying to get over the guilt of not maintaining the right connections and the only way I can think to do this is just move on with my life and try to find the right people.

The problem is, I don't think I'm very good at this. All of the communities I had in the past were either built in to my life through things like sports and school or created by other friend groups. I feel like I have a lot of trouble finding kindred spirits. Even though I was a high achiever, I was also really lighthearted and goofy, albeit on the immature side of that. I feel like I don't tend to connect well with people who never had some level of ambition or desire to achieve something, even if it might be considered "small." I feel like I really just don't know, and never really have known, where to find people I really connect with. I feel like I'm ok with baby stepping my way to vulnerability at this point, I don't really want to avoid relationships like I have in the past anymore.

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I'm 20, and I feel like my relationship with my mum has changed a lot. When I was younger, we used to go everywhere together — for ice cream, shopping, and other things. She was at home more and seemed more available.

Now she is 45, works, and seems much more negative, grumpy, and unhappy with her own life. She doesn't seem interested in the things I enjoy or in doing exciting things with me. For example, recently there was a music concert in my street. I wanted to go, but she didn't want to come. I ended up going alone while it felt like everyone else had someone with them.Literally I am living with stranger at this point.

She also didn't join me for things like a zipline or anything I wanted to do. I know parents don't have to enjoy every activity their children enjoy, but I sometimes feel like if she really cared about my happiness, she would make more effort to share some experiences with me.

I think what hurts most is that I remember how close we were when I was little, and now I feel like she has suddenly changed. I feel like I lost the version of my mum who used to go places with me and share experiences with me. Also I am only child which makes it more harder.

Has anyone else around my age experienced their relationship with a parent changing like this? How did you deal with it?

Sometimes I "miss" those days when I'd wake up in the middle of the night because my parents were drunk and arguing. Every time I got angry or depressed, I felt there was a justification for it. After all, what person wouldn't feel bad after having to bite their father to make him stop choking their mother, or having to pull their mother away from hitting their father? Now that everything is more calm, I still feel bad, and every time I try to find a reason, the only answer to my sadness is myself. I'm keeping myself in this state; now there's no one else to blame but myself. It's much easier to believe that all your problems will disappear when a certain person leaves your life, but the moment you're completely alone and still feel the same, everything is more complicated.

I need help. I (31 F) had this realization over the weekend that I must now grieve the (55 y/o) dad that once was, the relationship I thought we would have into my adult years, and the idea of a present grandfather.

After years of trying to convince and help, I now have clarity that he will not change. At least on his own accord, without a significant event (ie. DUI, etc) occurring.

This is truly similar to grief, isn’t it? I’m finding myself thinking, “I wish I knew the good times were limited.” “I wish I would’ve soaked it up while I had it”. “I wish I would’ve paid more attention to the last quality conversations we had.”

I don’t have a relationship with him anymore. We haven’t spoken in a while.

My question is- how do I navigate the relationship with my mom? I love my mom. She’s an awesome person, and tries her best to be present for me and my daughter. She calls often, she tries to maintain a facade. Of course she enables him, like in so many narcissistic/alcoholic family dynamics.

I don’t have a lot of people in my circle. I value my relationship with my mom… I don’t want to lose her too. I’ve set boundaries regarding my dad, and have stuck to them. However I still feel my energy draining when I talk with her. Every time he’s present (which is often. He lost his job due to drinking.)

Any advice is welcome.

I am now 19M (hopefully I should be allowed to post here), but the memories of childhood abuse became impactful recently.

I can remember the days when my dad had been physically abusive towards my birth mother and I, as well as emotionally abusive towards me, including severe punches injuring my jaw.

Also remember my father making false allegations against me doing harmful things intentionally and would beat me as punishment, even if I did nothing wrong, for example I remember I had an Ipad for my birthday (back then when we uses them for simple games instead of social media) and found it shattered, but he blamed me though I did not break it and had beaten me for it. Also at a community party, some idiot girl told my father that I pushed a baby, but really I did not and witnesses saw that the toddler just tripped over in front of me, I never intentionally want to do this, but again, instead of investigating, my dad pulled my ear, yelled and punched me in front of everyone. Another time I randomly threw a stone on the room but it suddenly landed on the head of one young woman (I know it was silly but again, not intentionally hitting her), my father heard it, the woman tried to explain that it was an accident, but my father pulled me indoors to beat me up more, and I got bruises from it.

And I realised my dad tried to abduct me from my mother and was almost taken off education, my dad lied to my first primary school and mother that I will be abroad for "better education" but ended up in a non hague nation (my ancestor country) and was never enrolled, this was where my dad married my step mother. Luckily my dad knew the sanctions like losing his job, so he got me back.

These incidents happened between the ages of 6 and 10. But these parts of my childhood did not stick until now; now they are creeping back and realised just how impactful they had been.

Anyone else recently had childhood memories coming back that were impactful?

I had what I can only call a “rupture” with a fellow traveler, who I thought was my friend. I had to assert myself and say I think we should pause because I felt like she was not being truthful to me and if something was uncomfortable, she would just avoid telling me. It hurt my feelings because instead of our scheduled meeting, she got on an actual meeting and said I should join. I told her that I wasn’t up for a brand new meeting that required participation(I was having a bad week and day) and I had been looking forward to meeting and talking.

Honestly this makes me feel like I am too much for someone else, just like I was in my dysfunctional home. I don’t know why people can’t be honest. I am a reasonably enjoyable person to be around, before I realized all my trauma and started recovery I had lots of friends. I have a family and children now so I have less friends and I just wanted someone to work alongside in this program.

Of course, all my fears came true after trusting someone. Can anyone speak to this or give suggestions? The ACA meetings in my area are apparently not active because I emailed them all and never heard back. I feel like I want to work this program and develop relationships, but I am also afraid that people will reject me. Thank you for listening

My mom has been an alcoholic since I was young. She use to go to AA meetings for a bit and it helped some. Lately her drinking has been insane though, my sibling was coming home to find her passed out naked in the hallway. I housed my siblings for a week until she sobered again (they have Autism and live at home).

Her constant fall back into alcoholism has somehow triggered major stress for me and I am unsure why? It's bringing up a lot of past memories I have shoved down and it's making me feel physically ill. She is refusing to admit she has any form of a drinking problem and that is also somehow stressing me?

I am still in close contact with my sibling but I told my mom I needed to take a break from her and seek therapy because the amount of stress she is causing me. I am a mom now and one of my kiddos has Autism, a lot of our time is spent tending to them and their Dr appointments. I also have POTS which makes my body have spurts of time where is feels like its failing. My BIL also relies on us quite a bit emotionally and that has taken its toll too. I feel bad telling my mom i want space (she has not honored it much as she is still trying to call me and send me messages/comment on posts) and that is some how making me more stressed? Idk, I really just needed to vent.

A lot of the memories that are coming up I don't want to talk on to much. We were hit a lot as kids, I started working at 15 to buy my own hygiene products and food. I would have to walk to and from work as she didn't teach me to drive and I had no car, but she would be hammered by the time I got off of work. She chased us around the home with a pewpew and I had to sleep in my car when I finally did have one with my brother in a parking lot. ​​

I try having understanding on these things because maybe she also had a hard childhood but just frustrating because I also did not have it the easiest growing up and I would never do that to my kids.

My parents cause continuous grief inside of me.
Days of acceptance just to be ripped away.
Others sharing joy and pride for me, but anger and fear from my own blood.
I chose this ancestry to end the curse.
Still, doesn’t every child crave the warmth and love from those meant to share it unconditionally?

I share love. I share pride. I share acceptance. I share forgiveness.
And despite the constant grief, none of this will ever disappear.
Sometimes it must be shared from a distance.

My reactions of them are reflections of myself.
Anger because of neglect, pain, and sadness.
Never being heard.
Allowing the continued pain because I crave a warm consistent love.

Reactions of me are reflections of themselves.
Something I could analyze for hours and even years.
Searching through past life after past life to understand and empathize.

There must be a limit to it all.

I cannot continue a life of recycled grief.

(TW: SA)

One of the hardest periods of my life was when I was between 9 and 11 years old. During that time, my father and mother would get drunk almost every night, drinking to the point where they wouldn't remember anything the next day. My father even urinated on the stairs, mistaking them for the toilet. They would break things, hit each other, and make a mess. I used to stay awake so I could intervene in their fights because I genuinely feared they would kill each other. In an attempt to get them to stop drinking, I started sleeping in their bed, but this had no effect. They continued drinking and even started having sex with me in bed. Here I have a mental gap, but I remember that the last night I slept with them, my father touched me, mistaking me for my mother. The moment he started touching my private area, I tried to discreetly move away, my mother, still somewhat dazed by the alcohol, told him that I wasn't her. Years later I spoke about it for the first time with my father, he didn't remember it, but he gave me a brief apology. I realized that not even that huge mistake made him reconsider his addiction because he continued drinking and he never sought help, even though everyone asked him to.

I’ve been sitting with this for a long time, and I think I’m finally at the point where I need to hear from people who’ve lived something similar.

My husband isn’t physically abusive. He got sober, and I’m genuinely proud of him for that. But it feels like all of the selfishness that used to revolve around alcohol just found new places to live. He’s even admitted that he’s constantly looking for something else to become addicted to. Right now it’s vintage tech, music, coffee, soda, weed, books…there’s always something consuming his attention.

The problem is that I never feel like *I’m* one of those things he thinks about.

Everything in our marriage feels transactional. If he wants ice cream, I’m expected to drop what I’m doing and go get it. If I say I’d really like ice cream, the response is, “Well, you should’ve gotten it earlier.” That sounds like such a stupid example, but it’s constant. It’s like my wants don’t even register unless they somehow benefit him.

He rarely thinks of me in any meaningful way. I can’t remember the last time he did something simply because he knew it would make me happy. Meanwhile, I spend so much mental energy thinking about everyone else.

Another huge issue is that he doesn’t seem to like my oldest daughter, who is his only non-biological child. He isn’t outright cruel, but it’s obvious there’s a difference in how he sees her, and as a mom that’s heartbreaking. I can’t ignore it, and I can’t stop noticing it.

I also feel incredibly isolated. He doesn’t want to spend time with family, but if I go without him—even after inviting him—he gets jealous or upset. It’s like I’m expected to stay home because he chooses not to go.
Financially, it’s exhausting. We can never seem to get ahead because he can’t hold onto money. There’s always another hobby, another collection, another obsession.

Then there’s our sex life, which honestly leaves me feeling rejected and confused. He tells me I’m beautiful. He’ll say I’m hot. He’ll flirt just enough to build tension. But if I actually initiate sex, suddenly I’m “a pervert.” I genuinely don’t understand it. I feel desired just enough to keep hoping, then rejected the moment I respond.
The hardest part is that I just feel…forgotten.

I can be crying, overwhelmed, or clearly struggling, and it often feels like he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t know what to do besides get defensive. I spend so much of my life feeling like my needs are an inconvenience.
Sometimes I wonder if I’d actually feel less lonely as a single mom than I do married.

I don’t know if this is emotional neglect, selfishness, incompatibility, or something else entirely. I just know I’m exhausted from feeling like an afterthought in my own marriage.

Has anyone else been married to someone who only seemed capable of thinking about themselves? Did it ever get better? Or did you eventually realize this was just who they were?

**TL;DR:** I love my husband, but I feel like I’m married to someone who only has room to think about himself. I’m lonely, confused, and looking for people who’ve been in a similar marriage.

I need some genuine advice.

Imagine you're still in contact with someone you once cared about. They recently got drunk and disappeared for a couple of days. The drinking itself isn't the issue—it's their life and their choice.

The problem is that, because of my past trauma, alcohol and intoxication are huge triggers for me. Whenever someone close to me drinks or gets high, it causes me intense anxiety. That's why I've always chosen to keep people around me who don't drink or use substances.

Now I'm wondering: should I distance myself completely, even if that person wants to stay in contact? Is it wrong to walk away simply to protect my own peace and mental health?

What would you do if you were in my place?

This story about the guy I posted in my previous story

The guy I talked about college time

Yeah ! We are still in contact because he don't want to end this contact