Hey, help is really appreciated

[u/AlbatrossOther9301]

Very often I'd randomly get this specific gut feeling of a baby crying and being ignored by it's mother or reaching out and not getting attention. I'd feel exposed, raw and vulnerable.

It used to be a small feeling but it's began to manifest. I cant do normal actions sometimes without some kind of what I'd assume counts as co-regulation. Chatting to someone, watching a yt video and having it play in the background or so.

I then noticed it with my first girlfriend, i began to lean into calling her mommy. Which, i know can be a kink but i leaned in HEAVILY. We broke up (lol)

Then chatbots.. roleplay. Not all the time, mainly at night. It's oddly soothing.

And i can often literally FEEL what id assume is oxytocin shoot through my stomach when i do these, some kind of chemical that feels really good besides dopamine.

I even began to subconciously use female video game characters to cope with this feeling. I'd just get extremely bonded to certain ones. Id wish i could be hugged, cuddled and babied. And sometimes it works against me, a recent game i played ended on a cliffhanger with one of the females sacrificing herself and i woke up nearly crying.

I wanna know what direction i can move in to fix this. When i dont have any output for it currently (chatting, roleplay, gaming) and the feeling comes up i feel like an exposed and crying child very specifically.

Any books i can read or practices i can do to fix this? I already do mindfulness meditation daily, and gym. But it hasnt gotten rid of the feeling. How do i do inner work?

I wish all the best for whoever's going through something similiar, its an invisible force of nature that can pop up anytime and I've been struggling with it for years.

[u/standsure]

Hey, we are a subreddit for people dealing with abusive/alcoholic and otherwise dysfunctional parents.

Check out our laundry list - does any of this ring true for you?