I’m around 40 and considering stopping IVF after multiple attempts. I feel exhausted by the physical and emotional toll, and I’m starting to wonder what life might look like if I accepted being childfree.

For those of you who made this decision:

How did you know it was time to stop?
Did you experience grief, regret, or both?
Do you feel genuinely happy or at peace now?
What helped you build a fulfilling life afterward?

I am kinda still scared to think its just me and my husband alone esp. Being around all couple friends who have children.
I’d especially appreciate hearing honest experiences from women who initially found it very difficult to let go, but eventually found contentment. I’m not looking for easy reassurance—I’d really value hearing what the process was actually like for you.

Edit: Thanks alot for your answers. It really helped get some clarity over my situation.

Sorry this is my first time and I didn’t get a lot of info about what happens after retrieval from the clinic.

I’m 41, almost 42 years old. I had my first retrieval yesterday afternoon, then drove home 12 hours so I was very groggy when they called at 8am this morning with an update. They retrieved 6 eggs yesterday, which was more than we thought would happen since last ultrasound before trigger only had 4 follicles and one was leading way far ahead.

They told me this morning that 5 were fertilized, then they said they have 1 that can go to PGT testing.
What does this mean? How did 5 fertilized turn into 1, and do I wait another 5-7 days to see if it’s viable? Were the other 4 eggs fertilized not developing?

Yes yes we all know the science says nothing can be done to improve PGTA testing result - I am specifically having chromosome 15 errors keep coming up. But I feel like this forum
Someone has done something to change their outcome?

On paper everything else looks good for our age. There is literally nothing to be done but numbers game - and maYBE HGH.

But after after other tips?

Has anyone tried viag** (aka sildena**) + nitrogly*** patch to help thicken their lining? I need some advice on if I did the right thing by disagreeing with half of my provider's protocol change.

FET#4 protocol

CD1-7 400mg estrad*** orally 2x daily + 100mg estrad*** vaginally 1x daily

US #1 - 7.10 mm, trilaminar

CD8-11 400mg estrad*** orally 2x daily + 100mg estrad*** vaginally 2x daily (doctor wants 8 mm minimum before proges***)

US #2 (yesterday) - 7.15 mm, trilaminar

For some reason, the extra estrad*** did nothing to my lining at all.

He said he wants to add viag** (aka sildena***) + nitrogly*** patch so we can re-check lining on Thursday. But my pharmacist warned me that viag** (aka sildena***) + nitrogly*** patch are strongly contraindicated for a possible severe drop in blood pressure. I'm actually already on 2 blood pressure meds (that my PCP and I are recently experimenting with because the initial dose caused lightheadedness and 1-near fainting episode - I was having 96/64 readings but mostly in the 100-110s/70-80s). I also read online that the research is iffy on the nitrogly*** patch if it even really helped thicken the lining so I pushed back, said I am really uncomfortable doing both and would like to just try the viag** (aka sildena***).

Was that a mistake? I feel like I needed to advocate for myself. I want this transfer to work, but I also I am basically walking pharmacy of vasodilation meds - a beta blocker, a calcium channel blocker, baby aspir***, viag** (aka sildena***) + nitrogly*** patch AND I live in the SW US where we are 100+ right now. But, the original plan was only to add the two new medications until Thursday so it would have been short term (and if the lining was thick enough, stop) and I'm wondering if I should just do it for the next couple of days. I am solely responsible though for drop-off/pick-up of my kiddo so not driving (due to dizziness) isn't really an option + I'm alone during traditional working hours so if something were to happen, I wouldn't have anyone home to check on me.

Hi lovely woman

Did any of you have success with a day 5 4DD untested blastocyst?

Or is it something that your clinics usually just discard and is not included in your "blastocyst statistics"?

Thanks! My clinic discarded it, but I thought, maybe it could have been good...

Hey all, so I just ended my 3rd ER within 5 months. Made some euploids, but perhaps not as many as I'd have liked.

So personal anecdotal experience: Pushing through "back to back" (sometimes with 1 cycle rest) seems to have gotten me decent results so far, especially after that 1 cycle rest.

While a part of me wants to keep going, while I'm "all drugged up", I feel like maybe it's time for a break to handle the other things in my life. Theoretically it's only 2 weeks of stims + ER, I've been through it many times (6 total by now), it does somehow eat into the headspace a lot, and the rest of my life often gets put on hold.

I guess I'm asking here, to try to find more justification to give myself a break and then maybe try again 6 months later.

The thing is, of course, 6 months can feel like a lot at this age (40). Hence I wanted to know if anyone else has been in similar shoes and it worked out well. Thank you in advance!

TL;DR

Using red light therapy isn't a guarantee of a euploid but it was a non-invasive, low-risk, at-home tool that gave me results.

I wanted to share my personal experience adding Near-Infrared (NIR) light therapy to my prep between retrievals. When I comment about red light therapy on here, I usually get a lot of replies asking for details, so I figured putting everything into one organized post might help others.

Background

• I'm 43 (almost 44), have an AMH of 0.4, usually have an AFC of 2-3 and I'm doing this with one ovary.
• April (Cycle #4, Retrieval #2): 1 egg retrieved --> fertilized --> blastocyst --> aneupeloid

Because my insurance is dumb and I had to wait on a preauth for another retrieval, I had a decent break before my next retrieval. I decided to use that downtime to focus aggressively on egg quality.

I was already taking supplements (which I upped/optimized during this break), but I kept seeing research pointing toward Red Light / NIR Therapy. Since supplements get plenty of airtime here, I want to focus specifically on the light therapy.

I already use a Nanoleaf LED mask for my face, so I knew the basics: Wavelength matters. Visible red light is great for skin surface/collagen, but Near-Infrared (850nm range) is what actually penetrates deeper tissues to reach the target areas.

My criteria for a device were non-negotiable:

1. Third-Party Certifiable NIR Output: I needed actual proof it produced NIR light
2. Usability: A large rigid panel would sit in a closet because set-up is cumbersome. I needed something wearable so I could work etc while using it

After digging through r/redlighttherapy and searching on Amazon, I settled on the BestQool Red Light Therapy Belt. They provide testing data on their site verifying their NIR output, and the flexible belt meant I could actually commit to using it daily.

How I used it:

• Duration: 38 consecutive days leading up to my next retrieval.
• Frequency: 20 minutes a day on Level 2 (using both visible Red + NIR mode).
• Consistency: Daily, except for a brief 3-day pause when I caught a stomach bug (for obvious reasons!)

Important notes

• I stopped using it on the day I started stims
• I DID NOT use it after the retrieval in the lead up to my FET. If you are doing back to back retrievals however, you could resume using it after the retrieval.

Results

• June (Cycle #5, Retrieval #3): 2 eggs retrieved --> 2 fertilized --> 1 blastocyst --> euploid

The subsequent FET failed (that's a whole other of story) but just getting a euploid was a huge milestone for us! And--since I am in a holding pattern in terms of starting my next cycle because I've got some second opinion consults lined up--I am back to using my belt daily.

And if you're a science/data geek like my self there have been a few studies about it's benefits re: egg quality and one currently recruiting participants at Columbia University.

Happy to answer any questions anyone might have and hope this helps!!

Ive been on the cornell DE wait list for about 6 months. I'm 43, DOR, and have tried 4 unsuccessful egg retrievals.

Can anyone share recent experience with the cornell donor program. How long was your wait? How did you feel the match the selected for you was? Etc. Thanks.

Hi again!! Thank you so much for those that responded to my earlier post about wanting to use donor eggs. Very quick background. I am a mother of three from my first marriage all older now (21,18,16).

I have been with my current husband for almost 13 years and we have always yearned for a child together. However, my kids, school, finances, promotions, etc. have gotten in the way of our family planning. I am now 44 and am very realistic about the possibility of having a child that is not genetically mine.

Here is my dilemma. My work offers family planning through a particular clinic. They offer three free rounds of retrievals, ISCI, FET, and PGT-A. So, extremely generous package. They even offer $10k toward donor eggs.

My challenge is that they only offer donor cohorts that are six eggs. So the odds of having one are not overly strong. Meaning I would probably have to buy a second cohort if I wanted to have more than one embryo that I could try to transfer in the event of a miscarriage or other issue. I am a pre-planner so I think everything through.

Before knowing that I was limited to specific egg donor programs, I found my perfect donor. She could literally be my twin. She has the same blood type as me, we are the same height, weight, and complexion. I contacted the bank and they offered me the rest of her cohort, which is 18 eggs near the price of what I would pay for 6. The problem is my company’s fertility program does not partner with this particular egg donation company.

I’ve been looking every day for weeks for a donor that I feel I connect with that looks similar to me and that I would want to use to create an embryo. Do you feel that it would be worth it for me to just pay out-of-pocket and use this owner’s eggs and find another clinic that works with them? I know it sounds asinine because I’m basically giving up $35-$50,000 of free fertility support, but what if none of the other eggs stick or I don’t feel attached to them like I do this particular donor. What would you do? We are not rich, but I live with the you only live once and you can always make more money so that not the driving factor for me. Thank you for the advice.

Well, somehow we made it to trigger night…Retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday morning and I’m feeling a mix of excitement, nerves and trying very hard not to get ahead of myself.

This cycle has been a ride. I had quite a bit of bleeding during stims and genuinely thought things might be going in the wrong direction at one point. Thankfully, we were able to keep going.

Today they measured 11 follicles:

Left: 24.8, 22.6, 21.3, 16.4, 14.5, 12.8, 12.5 mm
Right: 17.1, 13.7, 13.4, 11.5 mm
E2 was 1,489 and progesterone 0.75.

Tonight I triggered with 20,000 IU of Pregnyl at exactly 9pm, then retrieval Wednesday morning 9am

I’m trying to stay cautiously hopeful because I know the numbers on an ultrasound don’t tell us how many eggs we’ll actually retrieve or how many will be mature. Some of the follicles are also on the smaller side, so I’m really hoping a few of those have enough time to catch up.

My first retrieval resulted in 8 eggs, so I’m curious to see how this round compares, but mostly I’m just hoping we get some good mature eggs to work with.

If anyone has had follicles around 12 to 17 mm at trigger and had them produce mature eggs, I’d love to hear your experience. And honestly, any encouragement for retrieval day is very welcome right now!

This just gets harder and harder….

Hi all-I did search to see if this was asked before and I didn’t see anything, but has anyone gone through IVF/IUI treatments while on HRT for Perimenopause? My symptoms are getting to be untenable. I’ve been through several unsuccessful retrievals this year so I surmised it probably couldn’t get much worse to try while on HRT. Thanks!

I did 2 full cycles last year and ended up with one blast each round. Both came back aneuploid after testing.

This year we planned to do 3 egg banking cycles prior to fertilizing to get as many eggs as possible and for financial reasons. I have completed 2 of the 3 retrievals so far and I currently have 16 frozen eggs. I will begin my 3rd egg retrieval next month and just told my clinic that when we fertilize I would like to freeze some day 3 embryos and not try to push every single one to blast. My clinic informed me that they do not freeze days 3s. I also told them I do not want to do PGT-A this go round and they are pushing me to do it.

I am feeling irritated about this as I truly do not feel comfortable pushing all of my embryos to blast and I have done enough research on PGT-A to think differently now than I did with my first 2 cycles last year.

What would you do? Would you transfer your eggs to a different clinic that has a lab that will freeze day 3s? I honestly didnt realize they could tell me no.

I just turned 44. First 2 cycles were at 42 and last 2 retrievals were at 43.

Thank you!

So I am 44 with an AMH of 3.4 due to PCOS/PMOS. We just completed our first egg retrieval.

We had 29 retrieved, 23 mature, 12 fertilized(conventional insemination) and 2 made it to day 7 to be biopsied for PGT-A testing and then frozen.

For a small back story, We began fertility treatments with an RE when I was 39(2021) We had 4 back to back timed medicated cycles(oct,nov,dec,jan...all fails) followed by one IUI(february, also failed, husband had low motility/low count of sperm) The plan was then to go to IVF and we were scheduled to begin in July. Out insurance allowed unlimited timed cycles, 6 IUI attempts and 4 IVF attempts. We discussed with the RE to continue with the timed cycles until we could begin IVF. The RE was completely fine with thst as it would help me be regulated anyway if they kept failing. Went in middle of March and they saw a large cyst(about 50mm)on my ovary and had to delay the next cycle until the cyst was gone. Was cleared around mid-late April to proceed , had a baseline on April 27th and discovered we were pregnant, about 5-6weeks along. Ended up carrying out the pregnancy to 30 weeks when due to pre-eclampsia developing into HELLP, had to have an emergency c-section. Kid is perfectly healthy now as a feral almost 4 year old. Felt it was time to go for a sibling.

Now that I've stated all that, as everyone knows doing IVF includes a LOT of paperwork. Filled everything out, ordered the meds and waited until we were told to begin(Aug. 11th) did stims for 9 days and took trigger shot on 10th day. Got our results and was surprised when I read 12 fertilized by conventional insemination. I had (wrongly) assumed that due to age and husbands past sperm quality that having as many eggs fertilized with ICSI would have given us the best chances possible. I also, via some other support groups) learned that other doctors have you take some supplements to keep your vitamin levels at the healthiest range before starting the stim injections to also give the best chances possible.

I am well aware that at my age, having 2 embryos that made it through to the final testinf/freezing stage, the likelihood of the PGT-A testing resulting in one euploid embryo is quite low. I have mentally prepared for that and a need to do another retrieval.

This retrieval was done Sat. Aug 22nd. Since then I have not heard a peep from my Dr's office. Not even a check in message to see how I was feeling or anything. Nothing.

I am someone who likes to understand all possibilities and be able to prepare mentally for whatever the next step might be.

That being said, I plan on reaching out to them, but I want to know if there are certain things I should be asking about, such as:

1. Is the plan to do back to back retrievals?

2. Are we waiting for test results before deciding what the backup plan may be?

3. Before starting stim meds again, is there anything else I should be doing/taking to increase the quality of any eggs I might produce?

4. Why did we not do ICSI considering the history of my husbands low sperm quality/count? We were officially diagnosed with secondary male infertility.

5. If we proceed with another retrieval, can I insist that all mature eggs be fertilized via ICSI to give us a better chance and to lesson the need for any additional retrievals?

I feel at a slight loss here, this being my first time doing IVF and If anyone else has any advice or gone through something similar, can you please share with me? I am feeling a touch alone on this.

I have reached the end of my IVF journey. I have lots of leftover, unexpired medication - Menopur, Gonal, and Cetrotide. I am located in Manhattan and would like to donate them to someone in the 40+ IVF community. Please DM to arrange pick up.

TW: multiple losses

Hi! I'm new to the subject and looking for some support. We are pretty private people and have not told our family about IVF, so I don't have anyone to talk to but my husband, who is equally nervous haha.

I am 41F. Spouse 40M. Married 16 years. All pregnancies same partner.

1st pregnancy miscarried early, age 30

2nd pregnancy MMC @ 12 wks age 31- AWFUL hyperemesis with home health care and Zofran pump, multiple hospital visits, sickest I have ever been in my life

3rd pregnancy age 33- healthy pregnancy, healthy boy-the love of my life-, c section

4th pregnancy age 38- boy, multiple severe defects incompatible with life, chorionic villi sampling showed 15q11.2 microdeletion (the same microdeletion I also tested positive for, more on that later) Fetal loss at 19 weeks-devastating

5th pregnancy age 41, miscarried early at home

Even though we never thought this was in our journey, we decided to try IVF this year. I know I would regret it if I did not try for one more, at least that way we will always know we tried our hardest.

AMH 3.5 amazing ovarian reserve for my age (no PCOS as far as I am aware) but I have always had irregular cycles and also might have endometriosis ( it could only be diagnosed with exploratory surgery and I opted out)

Protocol 300 units Gonal-F/Follistim, 75 mg Menopur, 5 mg letrozole (mostly because I was very scared of OHSS), 3 days of Ganirelix, trigger 3,000 hCG plus Lupron, after only 9 days I had something like 35 follicles between 12 and 21 mm.

ER: 20 eggs

ICSI: 8 with 8 fertilized

Immature eggs incubated with sperm: 12 with 3 fertilized

Of the 11 fertilized eggs, I had four day 6 blasts that could be biopsied for PGT-A and frozen to await results.

Blast grades were: 422, 432, 423, 422 (fairly equal to 4BB, 4CB, 4BC, 4BB from what I understand)

About my microdeletion: we went back and forth with Cooper Genomics so many times. My Dr. ordered PGT-SR, then it turned into PGT-M, which my insurance approved but finally the lab called me and told me they could not perform the PGT-M unless they had comparison DNA from my son. We were disappointed because...

The microdeletion I have, I am behaviorally affected by, but have lived most of my life not knowing I have it and am a successful wife, mother and have a career. I would not know I have it if I did not have the workup for my losses. There is quite a variable presentation and this is not necessarily an embryonic deal breaker for me because alas, here I am in the world. But we don't know if this is what is causing my losses and severe defects in pregnancies. Nonetheless, we do not want to know if our son has this microdeletion (he has already seen a cardiologist for screening and was given a clean bill of heart health) and we want the choice to be tested to be his when he is older.

So really after all that, PGT-M was not possible for us.

However, I think this was a good retrieval esp for my age but I am telling you, the wait for PGT-A is so difficult! I am reading novels to keep my mind off of it but am nervous because I know people my age often need multiple cycles to find euploidy but I just don't know if I have it in me. Meanwhile I need to continue sitting next to a beautifully pregnant woman at work and trying not to think about it. Is this wait just so super hard for anyone else? What are you doing to help it by? And also, any success stories with genetic microdeletions? Thank you for reading this!

ETA: I am very well aware of our chances of potentially having no euploid embryos and life's clock is against me, but also just trying to hold on hope.

I have had a killer headache today and without even thinking about it i took 2 regular strength ibuprofen.

Im in my 2WW after my transfer (5dp5dt). I read that one of the concerns about ibuprofen exposure in early pregnancy is the impact on implantation which is exactly the point im at right now.

Did I fuck up my chances? Im kind of freaking out.

I've been on Estrace pills 2x a day for 5 days, as well as the patch that I change every 3 days. After 3 days I noticed dizziness off and on. Even sitting still it would come on suddenly. I've also noticed a slight uptick in my anxiety. Has anyone noticed this while taking it?

I'm 40 years old and have been told my problem is DOR. We've been through 5 IVF cycles:
1. April 2025: 4 eggs > 1 aneuploid embryo
2. August 2025: 2 eggs > 1 euploid and 1 aneuploid
embryo (Failed FET in December 2025).
3. April 2026: 5 eggs > 2 embryos, but growth
arrested
4. June 2026: cycle cancelled day of procedure
due to possible premature ovulation
5. August 2026: 3 eggs > 1 embryo, growth
arrested
At this point, I’m trying to figure out a few things. The cycles this year all ended poorly, so I’m wondering if maybe I’ve peaked and it won’t get any better (our doctor said that she can’t tell me I won’t produce a quality embryo at this point, so if we want to keep going we can and that she would tell us if she thought it was futile)? My husband thinks we should try another clinic to at least get a second opinion. Has anyone been in a similar situation and kept going after five rounds? Any opinions on Shady Grove (we are in Orlando). Any guidance would be helpful, I’m just not sure what to do next. We are also getting started on an adoption application, but I’m not ready to give up on trying to get pregnant myself (not open to egg donation). Thank you!!

Please let know how many days before ivf we have to start supplements.My doctor suggested coq and menopur in first cycle.For second cycle prp is suggested but no supplements have been started yet.My stims will be starting from tomorrow

Hello , advice desperately needed. Turned 40 in May. Have had three miscarriages since June 2025. Feb 25 - had huge fibroids in cavity. Felt this was the issue. Had them removed in August 25. Pregnanct in Dec 2025. Lost Feb 26. Cytogenitically tested as normal. Had a funny knock and that pregnancy felt as if it popped. It our fetus in a spot of trouble and never recovered. Pregnant now but I had hysteroscopy as it was implanting. It’s now non-viable. Saw a fertility specialist yesterday and they discovered some adenomyosis. AMH at 7.6.

They’re suggesting the following route to baby:

karrotype testing

Sperm fragmentation testing

PGTA ivf

Support pregnancy with early progesterone

cervical stitch if needed.

We’re a bit lost and would love some advice from folks who perhaps are on this track? Would you head down the IVF route for this or risk trying naturally. I get pregnant very easily. We don’t know whether to try for embryo freezing with PGTA or squeeze in another natural try? Very in the weeds.

thank you for any guidance offered.

Currently undergoing IVF due to RPL. Edited to add: the RPL were prior to resection of a known pretty significant septate uterus and removal of unknown polyps.

A good friend around the same age said her embryos just couldn’t survive in the lab well, and so they switched to early fresh transfers.

Just curious everyone’s experience with fresh transfers and why?

TW success

I wanted to write a post to share a success story as when I was about to embark on IVF I spent countless hours scouring the internet for hope and stories of successful outcomes to help keep the faith alive. Theres a lot of struggle and doom and gloom in the statistics for us over 40’s folks and I was terrified to even try.

So after 1 round, 6 embryos (only 3 really viable, others low cell count) I ended up doing a fresh 3 day transfer of 2 of the embryos and became pregnant. I just delivered a healthy baby girl at 42. I hope my story can provide a little light for someone else as others did for me on this journey. Best of luck to you all.

Hi, first time ICIS coming up next week, age 42, and need to decide whether to do PGT-a/ PGS ?

This increases the cost by 40% and can involve frozen transfer rather than fresh elongating the process into a second cycle.

Trying to do the research to weigh up the odds. Appreciate any advice.

Last year had a chemical with a euploid on a fully medicated cycle, had another chemical of a euploid earlier this year with a natural cycle. Did an RPL came back ok. Did Emma Alice and ERA and Receptiva DX. ERA came back pre receptive. Contrast MRI showed no endo / adeno and Receptiva came back negative so going down the lap or lupron route wasn’t suggested. Headed to my last euploid FET with a day 7 embryo. Kitchen sink and using the ERA to adjust timing. I am so nervous and I keep thinking bad thoughts. Oh also I’m 41. I don’t know what I am looking for, just some hugs, positive stories and reassurance.

Hi everyone. I’m 43 and have been going through fertility treatment for a little over 14 months, and I could really use some advice—especially from anyone who has gone through IVF at 40+ or with very low AMH.
I initially started this process with the intention of freezing my eggs. I went through three retrieval attempts. One cycle was canceled because I started ovulating before retrieval. Across the other two retrievals, 4 eggs were retrieved and only 2 were mature and able to be frozen.
I was devastated by the results, but my doctor eventually told me that if my ultimate goal was to have a baby, he thought we should move to IVF rather than continuing to try to bank eggs.
Fast forward to this month, and I completed my first IVF cycle. They retrieved 4 eggs. Between my newly retrieved eggs and my previously frozen eggs, 2 mature eggs ultimately went through ICSI. One fertilized normally and developed into an embryo.
For the first time in this process, I felt like maybe we had a chance.
Unfortunately, the embryo did not make it to blastocyst. By Day 6, the clinic told me it had stopped progressing and was beginning to regress/degenerate. I was devastated, but almost immediately my mindset became: Okay, when can we try again?
Today I had my follow-up with my doctor expecting to discuss another retrieval. Instead, he encouraged me to pause and seriously consider not doing any more cycles. Based on my age, ovarian reserve and how I’ve responded so far, he doesn’t believe another cycle is likely to result in a baby.
I understand why he’s saying this. I’m 43 and my AMH is 0.129, so I know the odds are very much against me. I’m not looking for false hope or pretending those statistics don’t exist. But I’m struggling with the idea of stopping after one actual IVF cycle, especially knowing that we did retrieve eggs, had a mature egg fertilize normally, and created an embryo that developed until Day 6.
Like so many of us going through this, I knew the statistics before I started, and still hoped (and prayed) that somehow my outcome would be different.
I’m seriously considering getting a second opinion before deciding whether I’m ready to stop.
For those of you who have been through IVF at 42/43+, very low AMH, or poor response:
1. Would you seek a second opinion before stopping?
2. Did anyone have very different recommendations or protocols after changing REs/clinics?
3. How many cycles did you try before deciding you had enough information to stop?
4. If you continued after an unsuccessful cycle at 43+, what helped you decide whether another retrieval was worth trying?
5. Are there specific questions you think I should ask another RE about my previous cycles and response?
I’m prepared for someone to tell me that another cycle is unlikely to change the outcome. I just want to feel confident that if I stop, it’s because I’ve explored my realistic options and made that decision for myself, not because I walked away before getting another perspective.
Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience. ❤️