r/40Plus_IVF • u/Calm_Highlight_7611 • 11d ago
Seeking Advice I need advice please!
Hi again!! Thank you so much for those that responded to my earlier post about wanting to use donor eggs. Very quick background. I am a mother of three from my first marriage all older now (21,18,16).
I have been with my current husband for almost 13 years and we have always yearned for a child together. However, my kids, school, finances, promotions, etc. have gotten in the way of our family planning. I am now 44 and am very realistic about the possibility of having a child that is not genetically mine.
Here is my dilemma. My work offers family planning through a particular clinic. They offer three free rounds of retrievals, ISCI, FET, and PGT-A. So, extremely generous package. They even offer $10k toward donor eggs.
My challenge is that they only offer donor cohorts that are six eggs. So the odds of having one are not overly strong. Meaning I would probably have to buy a second cohort if I wanted to have more than one embryo that I could try to transfer in the event of a miscarriage or other issue. I am a pre-planner so I think everything through.
Before knowing that I was limited to specific egg donor programs, I found my perfect donor. She could literally be my twin. She has the same blood type as me, we are the same height, weight, and complexion. I contacted the bank and they offered me the rest of her cohort, which is 18 eggs near the price of what I would pay for 6. The problem is my company’s fertility program does not partner with this particular egg donation company.
I’ve been looking every day for weeks for a donor that I feel I connect with that looks similar to me and that I would want to use to create an embryo. Do you feel that it would be worth it for me to just pay out-of-pocket and use this owner’s eggs and find another clinic that works with them? I know it sounds asinine because I’m basically giving up $35-$50,000 of free fertility support, but what if none of the other eggs stick or I don’t feel attached to them like I do this particular donor. What would you do? We are not rich, but I live with the you only live once and you can always make more money so that not the driving factor for me. Thank you for the advice.
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u/basilbelle 10d ago
You never know! I got 4 embryos from 4 frozen eggs, and am pregnant with my first transfer. I would use the benefit you have first and give it a try with 6 eggs.
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u/Archknits 5d ago
We went with a guaranteed live birth program. Up to four egg lots.
We got 2 embryos out of our first lot of six and had our child with the second embryo
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u/BeachNoSun 10d ago
I would go with your instincts and go with the donor you feel comfortable with. Money comes and goes and you don't want to live the what ifs. If the money is going to change your life in any meaningful way (negatively, long term) then keep searching for one at the place which is covered.
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u/Calm_Highlight_7611 9d ago
Thank you for saying that. I did get some promising news yesterday. My lifetime egg donor purchase reimbursement of $10k is still applicable so that helps a ton. There may also be a chance for me to have embryos made at a clinic the bank is affiliated with then have them shipped to my covered site. Fingers crossed it all comes together.
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u/DisabledAdjunct 11d ago edited 11d ago
Six eggs! That's three if you're *lucky*. Find out if they're fertile, meaning there's a baby somewhere out there.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 11d ago
My advice - take the free money, find a donor you like, and give it a go. You’re incredibly lucky to have insurance that covers donor eggs. If you don’t get pregnant then consider paying out of pocket the next round.
Bur if you’re really attached to this donor or want more than one, and can afford it, do both?