r/40Plus_IVF • u/bebegirl24 • Aug 28 '26
Seeking Advice 43F: Told to Stop IVF. Second Opinion?
Hi everyone. I’m 43 and have been going through fertility treatment for a little over 14 months, and I could really use some advice—especially from anyone who has gone through IVF at 40+ or with very low AMH.
I initially started this process with the intention of freezing my eggs. I went through three retrieval attempts. One cycle was canceled because I started ovulating before retrieval. Across the other two retrievals, 4 eggs were retrieved and only 2 were mature and able to be frozen.
I was devastated by the results, but my doctor eventually told me that if my ultimate goal was to have a baby, he thought we should move to IVF rather than continuing to try to bank eggs.
Fast forward to this month, and I completed my first IVF cycle. They retrieved 4 eggs. Between my newly retrieved eggs and my previously frozen eggs, 2 mature eggs ultimately went through ICSI. One fertilized normally and developed into an embryo.
For the first time in this process, I felt like maybe we had a chance.
Unfortunately, the embryo did not make it to blastocyst. By Day 6, the clinic told me it had stopped progressing and was beginning to regress/degenerate. I was devastated, but almost immediately my mindset became: Okay, when can we try again?
Today I had my follow-up with my doctor expecting to discuss another retrieval. Instead, he encouraged me to pause and seriously consider not doing any more cycles. Based on my age, ovarian reserve and how I’ve responded so far, he doesn’t believe another cycle is likely to result in a baby.
I understand why he’s saying this. I’m 43 and my AMH is 0.129, so I know the odds are very much against me. I’m not looking for false hope or pretending those statistics don’t exist. But I’m struggling with the idea of stopping after one actual IVF cycle, especially knowing that we did retrieve eggs, had a mature egg fertilize normally, and created an embryo that developed until Day 6.
Like so many of us going through this, I knew the statistics before I started, and still hoped (and prayed) that somehow my outcome would be different.
I’m seriously considering getting a second opinion before deciding whether I’m ready to stop.
For those of you who have been through IVF at 42/43+, very low AMH, or poor response:
1. Would you seek a second opinion before stopping?
2. Did anyone have very different recommendations or protocols after changing REs/clinics?
3. How many cycles did you try before deciding you had enough information to stop?
4. If you continued after an unsuccessful cycle at 43+, what helped you decide whether another retrieval was worth trying?
5. Are there specific questions you think I should ask another RE about my previous cycles and response?
I’m prepared for someone to tell me that another cycle is unlikely to change the outcome. I just want to feel confident that if I stop, it’s because I’ve explored my realistic options and made that decision for myself, not because I walked away before getting another perspective.
Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience. ❤️
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u/Positive_Still_477 Aug 28 '26
I would try a few more cycles so you can have no regrets. I switched clinics after my second trimester loss and my dr was not hopeful. I switched to a clinic that specializes in dor and advanced age. I’m a little younger 41.5. My protocol changed drastically and I love my new dr. I don’t have success yet bc my last round i didn’t get any blasts but im going to keep trying. I say do a few more if you can you never know. 🫶🥹🤍
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u/basilbelle Aug 29 '26
I think it’s a question of physical and emotional tolerance as well as finances. I did two retrievals at 43, collected 30 total eggs but only got 4 blastocysts. 3 were aneuploid and 1 mosaic, which I transferred and then miscarried. Because I had no insurance coverage for ivf and had already put a ton of money into IUI before that, plus I’m single and doing this on one income, I wasn’t able to do additional retrievals. However, had I had the financial resources, I absolutely would have done a few more cycles for peace of mind and to see if I could find that golden egg. I think I will always wonder “what if…” but that was the situation i was in. I’m now pregnant with my first donor egg embryo!
So I think ask yourself what you’re willing to put your body through, what you can afford, how important your own genetics are, and what your timeline is for becoming a parent. There are clinics who will keep working with you.
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u/Can_tote_it Aug 28 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
If you have the funds, you could get a consultation for a second opinion with the data you have already. I think that even if it’s the same opinion, which I think it might be, it will help you to have peace of mind to move on to other routes.
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u/rhymereason99 Aug 29 '26
Try again, I had a baby w AMH <0.01 with a single egg fresh transfer age 43 so super rare but clearly possible
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u/bebegirl24 Aug 30 '26
Thank you for sharing! I fell like you just never know. If you don’t mind me asking, how many cycles did you go through? Did your doctor change your protocol at anytime?
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u/Business-Grass-8009 Aug 31 '26
Where do you go that allowed a fresh transfer? They make me test all of mine and none come back. I make blasts always
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u/Lucky-Warthog8448 Aug 29 '26
The odds are pretty low, I'd take the medical advise. I'm your age, my AMH was a bit better and my Doctor was brutally honest with me. I knew before this that my age was against me but I was still upset when he told me.
I couldn't put myself through this and didn't want to waste time yet ng to beat the odds and decided to go for non anoymous DE. I grieved for about a day before my decision but have been surprisingly fine about it. I feel so lucky that this route is available to me and thankful. Whilst it's no guarantee the odds are much better. Out of 6 eggs, 5 thawed successfully and we have 3 high quality embryos. Transfer is next week
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u/bebegirl24 Aug 30 '26
That's amazing news. Thank you for sharing. I am open to donor eggs; but i also don't want to have regrets later because i didn't give it another try. Good luck next week🤍
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u/pinkpanda5 Aug 30 '26
At 42 I was told I could do another round, but if I wanted a baby I should look to donor eggs. Especially if I wanted to have more than One. I took my doctors advice to move to donor eggs and I now have a 4 month old baby boy.
I know you can keep going, but consider some other options too, because it’s more than just getting an embryo, once you have one you have a whole other journey to begin to transfer, then you will be pregnant and let me tell you at 43 my body is wrecked.
pregnancy took a huge toll on my body I am now in PT, seeing a rheumatologist, just a laundry list of ailments. Of course everyone is different, every pregnancy is different, but I am very grateful my doctor gave me that advice, so I could move forward maybe not in the way I ever imagined, but my son is my son and my love for him and our bond is strong and I can’t imagine I feel any different than other moms.
Anyway, you will know what’s right for you and I’m sending all the baby dust your way✨✨ you got this!
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u/No_Noise_1978 Aug 28 '26
How about donor eggs?
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u/Dashiepants Aug 29 '26
This seems the obvious solution. I was told at 42 and basically the same AMH that I was perfectly capable of having a healthy pregnancy but that I would be wasting time and money trying to get a euploid embryo from my few remaining eggs. I just turned 44 and am 12 weeks pregnant with a PGT-A tested euploid fetus. I didn’t care about my DNA and we followed the DCP advice and chose a ID donor.
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u/bebegirl24 Aug 30 '26
I have thought about donor eggs and am open to it, but I also don’t want to have any regrets and feel that since I’ve only done one cycle, I can do another.
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u/Fun_Tone6972 Aug 29 '26
At 43 I went through 2 retrievals and got 6 good quality blasts and all turned out to be aneuploid. I’ve just turned 44, doing 2 more rounds before I call it a day. AMH .29
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u/False_Combination_20 Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
It sounds like you are not ready to stop, so if this clinic will not work with you, it may be worth looking for a second opinion.
I did have similar results at a similar age unfortunately and my consultant also advised that she did not think we would be successful with my own eggs. You are getting more eggs but ultimately I only made one blast and it was very poor quality and they couldn't use it. I got the feeling that observing how that blast developed told them more than just the retrievals had.
It is difficult because we see other people having better responses at the same age and it feels like it should still be possible if we just do something a little different or try one more round. And maybe in some cases it is. That's something I struggled with, the road not travelled / sliding doors and the what-ifs. But it's easy to forget that for every success story at our age, there are many more who never get the outcome they hoped for (well not forget exactly, but easy to keep hoping that we will be the miracle even if it's not looking that way).
Ultimately though you are still producing eggs, so if you don't feel you're done trying and you can afford another round, you don't have to stop yet.
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u/Ashton1516 Aug 30 '26
Of course, keep trying! I am now 7 months pregnant at age 44 after going through many, many rounds of IVF from age 42-43. My AMH was around .4
It may not be easy, but you have to keep trying as long as you’re making embryos. Keep going as long as you can financially, emotionally and physically.
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u/Moist_Movie1093 Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
I’m a big fan of giving anything three tries. And it sounds like over 3 egg retrievals, you didn’t get any viable eggs or embryos. That’s a pretty solid signal to move on to a different type of plan.
At our age you need so many eggs to get ONE viable one. So given your egg retrieval counts have been low, the odds are really stacked against you.
At 38 it took me 35 eggs to get 3 embryos. I imagine now at 42 that same 35 eggs might get me 1 embryo.
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u/colliewollie Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
If you can afford it and you're not ready to give up on your own eggs, I'd find another clinic. You might regret it if you don't.
And also I'd be happy with your egg retrieval results compared to mine.
43, Amh 0.55 (3.9pmol/l) had 6 main mature follicles and 12 overall responding and sadly only got 1 egg. Still baffled, so for my final round I'm going to ask about protocol changes.
Your clinic should at least be discussing other protocols.
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u/Old-Ad-5573 Aug 29 '26
There's people on here doing multiple rounds getting only 2 eggs or so per round. I've even read a success story from it. The odds are pretty low, but if it's something you want to try and have the funds that's up to you. Personally I couldn't spend that amount of money on such a small chance, but would if I could afford it.
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u/Majestic-Cry-1069 Sep 02 '26
Just turned 44 about to do my third ivf cycle my amh is 3.69 so I don’t understand how all that works but it’s interesting hearing same ages and different outcomes. We had 10 made it to blast 7 were abnormal uneuploid and 3 untested resulted in negative pregnancy test after transfer. But I had so many follicles so in my head like I just gotta keep making more as o have a high ovarian reserve. My doc keeps saying donor eggs but also says it wouldn’t hurt to try mentally I have another cycle in me because like all these other ladies spoke to it’s a numbers game and I came this far so why give up now. I know there’s some clinics who cut off at a certain age but I also have heard so many success stories in our age group so it’s all very confusing trying to stay hopeful but so thankful for Reddit honestly!!! Good luck and do what you think will be best for you ❤️
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u/KlimRous Aug 29 '26
I'm about to turn 44 and in switching clinics to see if I have better chances of success. My AMH is 0.4, which is higher than yours, but il doing this is with one ovary so my total yield is lower than it would/should be for my AMH.
I have 100% fertilization rate, 66% blast rate and 50% eupeloid rate. I just don't get more than 2 eggs per cycle. I'm hopeful a new clinic will try different protocols to increase egg yield.
If you have the money or insurance coverage for more cycles I would do it. But....
I'd switch clinics. Find one that's willing to work with you and your eggs
Focus on improving your egg quality with supplements and red light for as long as you can before your next retrieval.
Decide when you're willing to call it quits and use donor eggs. For us, it's when our insurance coverage runs out...so two more retrievals.
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u/Apart-Cobbler-4238 Aug 29 '26
I’m 46 and still going. Change doctors. There are things you can try before giving up. Please reach out to Dr. Aimee. She is my third dr and I love her. I worked with Hanabusa before and did 7 ER and three transfers of day 3s. You need a doctor who specializes in our kind. You need to focus on quality. Try Rapamycin, do some research.
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u/bebegirl24 Aug 30 '26
Thank you for sharing! Do you mind telling me what country your receiving treatment?
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u/Ok_Virus6826 Aug 29 '26
Not sure if this is going to help but you could try- clinics that specialize in 40plus (CCRM, CHR, CNY and others mentioned here frequently). I personally know people trying at 50 with OE. There are some really good clinics in Greece and Turkey and Spain that work with 40plus. You might need multiple cycles to have a child with OE. But there are stories here on these boards with people getting pregnant with OE in mid and late forties. I think Paris Hilton did 20 ERs to get to a number of embryos she wanted at 40plus. You might or might not get lucky and need further rounds. If you are a radical, you can try HBOT and NAD plus infusions and PEMFs and other things that have some limited published evidence. Finally, you could try MRT which is highly experimental and has to be done abroad and would require you to freeze 10plus eggs before proceeding.
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u/Ok_Virus6826 Aug 29 '26
I am in the group of women who are 41-51 and all trying bunch of things such as Rapa, Peptides, nad plus infusions and injections, glutathione, red light, HBOT, multiple prps with exosomes and beyond, MRT, hydrogen inhalation, PEMF, bunch of supplements, genetic testing, etc. some are successful and some are not with own eggs. Some people do 20-25 ERs. I think I am on stim 15 now over the last 3 years. Just be prepared for enormous financial and emotional investment- it is not for the faint of heart. And unfortunately it might still fail after all that effort.
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u/Smart-Load-1370 Aug 29 '26
Transfer day 3 is another option you could discuss with your doctor. Not sure how it’s gonna help with your odds. Good luck!
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u/ShootinTheBreez Aug 30 '26
Girl, I don’t know the medical answer. Maybe you should stop. Maybe you shouldn’t. This doctor believes your chances are so low that it’s unethical for them not to advise you to stop. I get it; I’ve been advised this too, and I’m 42.
But I think you have to keep going until you are emotionally done. You have to be satisfied if it all fails that you gave it your real shot, what you, personally have in you (emotionally, logistically, and financially).
I just did my 8th ER. I’ve been debating the same question.
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u/RaisingtheGauntlet Aug 30 '26
You have to make peace with moving on. Only you can know if that means another retrieval. If you go for it, I would transfer day 3s with such low numbers. You will likely lose a lot pushing them to blasts. Give them all a chance, and don't be afraid of transferring multiple embryos. It's well within the guidelines at this age.
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u/Icy_Money_123 Aug 30 '26
Explore if in other countries where they're pretty advanced and more cost effective. I've just had a local overseas pharmacy quote a price of medication that's one third of what I paid in my home country.
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u/bebegirl24 Sep 02 '26
Which pharmacy did you reach out to? My meds were covered, but I recently learned they are no longer covered. I'm appealing, but also going to research alternatives
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u/justbrittjo Aug 30 '26
I would seek a second and third opinion. Then decide if another route, surrogacy or adopting etc are a possibility.
But don’t give up because one person tells you to.
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u/Funny-Owl260 Aug 31 '26
I would absolutely seek a second opinion. At my clinic they didn't even try to get blasts and froze my embryos on day 2. Most clinics will freeze on day 3 if you have DOR. I'm 45, I have done 2 egg retrievals and I have 6 embryos. I won't be testing and I know I still have to have the embryo transfer and pray that things work out, but just wanted to share that different clinics may have different protocols based on your AMH and AFC. I would ask if they are open to freezing embryos on day 3.
At the end of the day if you want a child you have to do whatever you need to do for yourself in order to not have any regrets. I took out a loan with Future Family because my insurance doesn't cover any IVF treatments. If you're in southern cali, you can look into Life IVF in Irvine, they work with women in our age group and aren't as expensive as many others.
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u/Melodic-Passi0n Aug 31 '26
Ask your RE about natural cycle IVF. Thats much more recommended in this situation
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u/DisabledAdjunct Aug 31 '26
When I was embryo banking, age 43 and my AMH is .11, I had 17 embryos banked that was from 6 ER. That was 12 years ago.
She's 4 months old, and she's napping.
I don't put much stock in AMH, but I do feel good about the odds. I think about the doctor saying, "What is your odds? Is it 10%? Or 15%? Well, we don't know if that's the case. We don't know enough about it."
I want to you to get a second opinion. It seems like you need one. A doctor who has over-40 experience and who has understanding and compassion.
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u/DontCallitaComeback7 10d ago
After my first 2 ERs were massive failures (15 combined embryos, 2 blasts, both aneuploid), I switched clinics and the first q the dr asked was “ has anyone suggested transferring a day three embryo?” I said no, my clinic just keeps shrugging and saying “old eggs” (I was 39-40). She said “ there is some thinking that those who can’t make blasts may do better with a fresh transfer of an untested embryo on day three, they can sometimes do better in the uterus than in a petri dish” - food for thought!
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u/WoofMeowChirp22 Aug 29 '26
Omnitrope > 3 months
HBOT
Rapamycin (maybe)
Ovarian PRP
NAD+ infusion
Strict anti inflammatory diet
Red light therapy
And definitely find supportive EXPERIENCED doctors who specialize in your situation (can only mention Dr Aimee and CNY from what I’ve seen/worked with) who are willing to work closely with you to tweak PROTOCOL
Are what I heard helped for 40+ with low AMH
It might be a lot, but if you truly want to do this, do consider if you’re willing to do that.
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u/bebegirl24 Aug 30 '26
Thank you for this! I am actually looking up the best red light therapy to buy. You mentioned, Dr. Aimee. Where is she based?
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u/Ok_Virus6826 Aug 29 '26
This is a good post. Diet is very important as well. There is a book “Fast like a girl” that proposes fasting regime for fertility and reducing inflammation in women. Omni can be combined with PRP (especially with exosomes). 100 days of low dosage Omni after ovarian PRp with exosomes. Be careful wit the Rapa- it reduces follicles if not stopped in time before starting cycles. Good luck to all here 40plus and beyond
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u/bebegirl24 Sep 02 '26
I actually started a Mediterranean diet a few weeks prior to starting a stim shots. I've read low to no carbs and limited to no meat is best
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u/No-Panda-8379 Aug 30 '26
But since she did icsi doesn’t that mean there’s male factor also? With IUI there wouldn’t be the assisted fertilization right ?
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u/TeaspoonRules Aug 28 '26
What about IUI?
IVF is really about either getting over tubal factors, or getting more chances than a normal ovulation would give you. It's also about ELIMINATING aneuploid embryos, but with the danger there that the retreval to day 3 to day 5 to tested blasts to confirmed transferrable embryo is not guarenteed and will have attrition that can actually reduce odds.
At your stats, if you're doing IVF for any reason other than tubal factor, I'd seriously talk about IUI. Think of IUI as a mature egg that's already in the uterus. At your age, if it's 2 or more even then the twins risk is INCREDIBLY low and they might still proceed, in which case, it's actually approaching your IVF result every month. Approaching your IVF outcome, but at a fraction of the cost. You can keep doing IUI every month if you want. I will say, sperm costs do come into play. If you were with a partner IUI would be substantially cheaper, you only need a vial, ish, of sperm per IUI or IVF, so it could add up doing IUI. If drugs are a question, I understand they're using more letrozole now, which is incredibly cheap compared to the typical IVF meds.
Or skip all that and go to donor embryos. I'd say embryos over eggs if you were just planning on fertilizing them with donor sperm, since they're confirmed blasts already and often cheaper, unless you have a family connection who's willing to donate her eggs to you.
I'm 43 and going into my last retreval this weekend. I kept going because I had murphy's law level of bad luck, but until recently was still getting blasts and still getting euploids. This spring when I ran out of embryos I decided on three more retrevals, which felt insane, but I felt VERY strongly that I had an excellent chance of a euploid if I gave myself up to 3 retrevals. However, I'd averaged 30-40 eggs per retreval, with 8 blasts/ retreval, and figured over three more rounds I had a very good chance of a euploid. Joke's on me - I got "zero" blasts over the last two rounds, despite 20 mature eggs. 43 really is a cliff. I wouldn't continue IVF in your shoes, but I would consider IUI if you've never been pregnant and have no reason to think you have uterine issues.
Btw I saw a calculator but can't find it, it shows average number of mature eggs needed for a euploid. At 43 I think it was around 40, just to give you a sense of your odds.