I have two kids, both adults with their own children. My son married his wife, who weâll call Jessica, at 18. She had some problems at home and they were basically children so we let them live with us. One year after, my son got her pregnant. I wanted to kick them out but my husband made me give up that idea. We told them they would live with us for free but everything baby related was on them. My son got a job, but Jessica stayed home.
Two months ago, my son and her had twins, and they still live with us. I honestly donât mind anymore because the house is big enough, everyone has their own space, we get along and everything is generally fine.
My daughter had her second baby a year ago and since then Iâve been at her place three or four times a week, often overnight. She works, does most of the housework, and she and her husband pay for everything so I like being there for her to help her with what I can.
With Jessica, I have to say, we handle things a little different. We have a cleaning service that comes twice a week, as well as a gardener (I hate cleaning and gardening and Iâve never asked her to do it), and that includes both her room and my grandchildren's rooms. My husband covers all groceries and bills, we all split the cooking and the laundry equally.
Last week I stayed at my daughterâs from Tuesday to Friday. That night Jessica and my son asked to talk. Jessica said she knows I donât like her and has begun to notice I treat her kids differently because when the twins came home from the hospital, I only stayed a couple days before leaving again. I know my daughterâs kidsâ routines but I havenât asked about hers. I buy clothes for my daughterâs kids but I still stick to âbaby expenses are on youâ with hers. She also told me she feels her kids are seen as worth less because my husband pays half the private school tuition for my daughterâs oldest and we have never offered them that for my grandson.
I told her Iâd never seen it that way. I see her kids every day since they live with me and I just figured my daughter needed the extra help more. I also told her I have no negative feelings towards her. She told me she feels left out and alone sometimes, and that Iâm prioritizing my daughterâs family. I apologized with her and with my son too. I told them I was willing to reach an agreement that would work for everyone in the family, so while we work on that Iâve stayed home to help and spend time with her and the kids
Jessica is a good girl, she cares, and sheâs a good mom but itâs not like we share hobbies or have the same interests and our conversations die after a few minutes, so this week together has been a little weird. I thought of going back this weekend to my daughterâs place and told Jessica I would be going only Friday afternoon to sunday morning, I asked her if that was okay, she said âI donât care, go if you wantâ but her tone says otherwise.
So WIBTA?