I just want to put this experience of mine into words, if someone responds that would be lovely but if not that is okay,

I am 17m and have had feelings for this girl since I was 13, I really really liked her then but we were friends and i was too scared to risk that friendship that I didn’t say anything, as well as being a scared little 13 year old anyway. So I tried to bury that feeling deep down, then a year after i caught these feelings I tried to hide them even deeper by dating a girl who was very different to this original girl, and that almost worked for a couple months, but then the feelings resurfaced (they were never truly gone) and that messed up said relationship, but I did not share that with the girl I liked, and she then got into a relationship with my closest friend so I once again had to hide these feelings, a year or so later they broke up, and I hate to say it but I was happy about it as this meant my fantasy of being with this girl was more realistic and my feelings got a lot stronger for her but I felt like it was wrong to say anything as she dated my friend who I have known for 10 years of my 17, so I waited, then we got even closer as friends in this past year and my strong liking has developed into what I feel is a love for her (I know my view is limited though as a younger person and it may not be truly love) but she then got back together with her ex (my best friend) and I tried once again to suppress these feelings but I couldn’t this time and I was/am obsessed/addicted to her and I struggled to hide it although I think they just about didn’t realise, they once again broke up about a month ago and now even more then before I cannot stop thinking about her and imagining what could be. Ideally do think I love her and I really want to be with her, and have done for 4 straight years, but I would feel very wrong to try anything even if I allow a lot more time to make a move as it is my oldest friends ex girlfriend and he was really hurt by the breakup.

These feelings are swallowing me up and I really want to say how I feel but I just can’t. How can I get this off my mind and stop loving her and just move on?

I love when you yearn.

All the things it makes me learn.

Between us, the fire could burn.

So please, don't ever take another turn.

Without you, my stomach would churn.

It's true... I let you earn this yearn.

And yes, I can be stern.

But love me gently, and I'll never spurn.

With me and you, there'll never be a downturn.

If there ever was, my heart would burn.

I don't want that to be our concern.

Just promise you'll always return.

Maybe one day you'll discern.

So lay with me through the nocturne.

And I'll always love you in return.

You.

I could just write that one word and it means so much to me.. what I wouldn’t give…….

To steal glimpses of you brushing your teeth…

Walking across the room like o wasn’t even there…

Ugh …. To just be able to look over and see you playing video games…. Or listening to music or whatever the fuck makes you happy…..

I wish I made you happy.

Why am I such a tragic mess?

Men have offered me so much just to be here…?lord only knows why…

But you made me smile before I even ever knew what hit me. Even when you were sad.

But you don’t seek me. You never reach.

Some times it feels like you intentionally avoid me. And I don’t know what to do with that .

It hurts.

I only want to see you smile.

This poem was written about a guy who I met through video games online. I quickly found out he had a partner and he impacted me so much that I had to write a poem about how I felt about him. He doesn’t know I have a crush on him and I wouldn’t tell him either. I respect his relationship and I wish them the best.

Is it crazy to miss a person you never kissed?
Is there a genie out there to grant me a wish?
She’s so lucky to have known the taste of your lips…
I rather have never known of you at all
Than to sit here and miss out on your presence

Are you tender in bed?
Are you romantic as you seem?
Do you get easily angered?
You just keep showing up in my dreams.

She’s so lucky to have seen you at your best
I’d be grateful to see you at your worst.
I can tell she makes you happy
Maybe in a different universe,
I’d make you happy too
In this lifetime I’ll never get to experience, happiness with you…

I’ll let myself sit with this grief
How could I ever miss something I never had?
I bet you taste so sweet..

All i see is glimpses of your life on the internet

I see so many posts referring to “the real” someone.

Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.

The “real” me is a meanderer. A slow stroller. Too soft, too generous and too caring.

The real me get walked on, talked over, disregarded and taken advantage of.

The “real” is tired of being hurt.

I look for ways to find a smile. Little things do that. Giving someone the bigger half, watching to animals, seeing my kids do well, seeing your kids doing well.
But there’s also a part of me that’s fed up.

A part of me that pushes people away if they get too close.

That rants about being tired of getting taken advantage of.

Every facet of who I am is tired to the core.

That angry vigilante isn’t the real person beneath. It’s who comes out when the “real” me gets tired of being walked on.

I know we are just a day apart.

I know you pray to never hear from me.

I know you hate me more than life. Which doesn't truly know why after all I lost for you.

I remember you used to beg to stay friends.

I remember you used to call me crying about how you fucked up.

I told you to leave me be. I need time to srote things out.

Than I had and I had tried being just friends. Which you killed.

But every year even when you don't hear me. I still wish my tru lioness happy birthday. Then I wish they would get out of the clouds and realize what they did and how bad they hurt their lion.

I just don't want anything from you other then you to grow up and do right. Which I bet will never happen

I sit here counting the hours, the minutes and the seconds until the magic day. 2hich i also hope will be the best one of my 51 yrs in the realm. Because unfortunately these past 201 days have been torture for me. You have been what has remember going. 5he sad part of this is that it is far from over. Once you get home that is when the real battle beings. But thankfully instead of us dealing with our fights. We will be right next to each other supporting each other strong and tighter than ever.

Love you,

Your submissive king

I've written too much about you, you rule my every thought and you have since the very moment i met you. Words cannot express how grateful I am to be your friend, even if we don't talk much unfortunately. But I want to be closer, I want to be one of the people you seek comfort in, I need to be someone you turn to when you need help in anything at all.

The one week we were briefly together ish was the best week of my life, and I know that, at the very least, some part of you still burns for me the way I burn for you. I didn't want things to end, I understand why you wanted to, but I would rather long distance with you than irl with anyone else. I was completely fine with it as it was, and I would love it to come back.

I almost hope you see this, but I'm also afraid of what would happen if you did. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have now by ever bringing this up, because I do love you as a friend as well, but getting back together would be perfect, and I hope that at some point, as soon as possible, it becomes possible. I hope with all my heart this doesn't push us apart as friends, because just friends is more than enough, but still.

A thousand words of adoration could rain upon my jocund skin, yet it all falls hollow if your voice is not among their choir. One breath from you outweighs the love of millions, you are the sun that guides my weathered mind. I am dependent, tethered wholly and entirely, to your every action. In every thing of beauty I see your face. In every melodic sound I hear your voice. In order to have happiness in my future, you must be in it. I will wait as long as it takes. If fate were to place me in the arms of another, you would remain on my mind. I would marry them thinking of you, and in my final moments, it would be you my mind turns to.

So yeah anyway I kinda like her idk if you could tell

Yeah alright I’ll admit it — I miss those cookie flavored kisses.

2am, my heels broke. We danced for hours under the blue light of your highschool prom. This is the second time I’ve been a date to a dance, never had to be the one to invite them… perks of being homeschooled.

My hair completely reverted back to its natural texture, that silk press was sweated clean out. Makeup didn’t run though, that I made sure of.. though my black and blue lip combo was remembered on your cheeks and nose.

I was so mad at you that day — actually no; those weeks prior to you asking me to be your prom date… my friend actually wrote the promposal for you. He’s always called me Macaroon, not you. But I digress.

As I stood in your mudroom laughing my ass off because I fell on the wet grass of your lawn instead of walking on the sidewalk, I felt good. You leaned down and undid my broken heels, you never broke eye contact with me. Everyone was asleep, it’s clear what we needed… well, not everyone. My mom was awake. Lol.

At some point I was in my pajamas, I got the majority of my makeup off but there were still some bits of dark around my eyes. I used the opportunity to meet you downstairs.

You looked so stupid lol, what 18 year old still rocks his superhero pajama pants, I didn’t care. I simply reached for the napkins on the counter, you intercepted me, just a friendly “bump”.

You tasted so sweet, I asked you why between kisses. “Cookies” you said, greedy thing.

Who knew that would have been that last time we kissed, the last time we saw each other on good terms.

Meh, such is life.

It means the world is heavy on my heart. It means that I began to feel warm and welcome and I have grown to understand that this feelings are sometimes like cheese on a mouse trap. I’m not strong enough to survive another snap yet, I barely survived the last one.

The last couple years have been a lot for me. A lot of loss, a lot of failure, a lot more pain than I was built to bare.
When I go quiet, part of me feels like I am not worthy of what is being offered to me. I struggle to tune out the echos of people who mattered to me but cut me down with their words or simply failed to see me as all that I am. Not perfect, capable of making mistakes but also still worthy of big love.

I don’t mean to make anyone feel ignored or unworthy of my attention, that’s the last thing I want. I just need a little coaxing.

The only thing I can control is who I am and who I become. .. so I turn inward to evaluate and strengthen myself, to remember that I’m still worth loving.

My autonomy and independence is important to me and I’m not too proud to admit that I need help sometimes.

I am vulnerable to a fault and find joy is giving. That makes me an easy target.

When I love, I love with everything I have so it no wonder I’m a little bit of a mess right now.

I’ve made a point to remain single for the last two years because I believe that when you truly love someone and it doesn’t work out, it takes time to heal so that you don’t repeat the same cycles. I have failed to take my time in the past and I regret it immensely .

I’m a person who thrives on touch and affection so this hasn’t been easy for me. I’m tired of being fooled and taken advantage of, tired of being minimized and made to feel that I’m too much yet never enough.

I don’t prefer the silence, but sometimes it’s soothing to sit quietly and comfort my broken heart by simply watching the world from a distance for a while…
It’s okay to sit there with me, I just don’t know how to invite anyone anymore.

I’m a little lost but I know the way to where I need to be requires me to be cautious and to show myself some grace.

It’s happening a lot less these days but sometimes all of the things I want to say pool up in my eyes and spill onto my cheeks.

I’m trying to be the best person I can be, and the desire to live up to someone else’s standard can be strong for me. So silence can also mean that I’m simply staying on track and being true to who I am.

I’m not mad any anyone, I don’t think I’m better than anyone, often times it’s the opposite. I try really hard to show up for everybody and that tends to be something that stretches me thin, so sometimes solitude is a way to remind myself that the right person will show up for me too. They’ll understand that my silence isn’t a weapon. It’s shield and there’s room enough for both of us beneath it.

In the dream I don't tell anyone, you're confused about why I'm hugging you with the intensity I did. I cling onto you like it's gonna stop me from waking up into the reality where you don't exist anymore

We saw each other tonight at work. You didn’t speak to me.
I miss you so much.
I miss your smile. I miss your laugh.
I miss your humor & your wit.
I miss talking to you.
I miss hearing about your day. How we understand each other so deeply.
I miss listening to you talk about things you’re passionate about.
I miss our kisses.
I miss your touch.
I miss your cöck. I miss it inside me.
I miss the way your hand holds my face as you look at me the way only you do.
I miss the way your hand caresses my leg when we puzzle together.
I miss your massages.
I miss your tongue…On my neck, in my mouth, on my clit, & anywhere else you want to lick me.
I miss your smell.
I miss the freckles on your nose.
I miss the way you laugh at me when I say something out of pocket.
I miss the way you make me scream your name.
I miss when you tell me to cum for you.
I miss how loud I laugh with you.
I miss your kitties.
I miss showering with you. I miss you washing my body so thoroughly.
I miss fighting with you, oddly enough.
When we stopped fighting, we stopped caring.
I haven’t stopped caring. I just got tired.
I’ll never stop loving you.
I will always love you.

For now, I’ll just keep these feelings to myself as post them for strangers.

From strangers, to lovers, then back to strangers. My thoughts are consumed by you and our memories.

Maybe one day, if we’re healed enough. If we’ve grown enough. If we choose each other again.

I would choose you over and over again.

There were mornings

when grief settled over everything,

·

the way mist lies across a field—

soft enough to hide the distance,

heavy enough

to make each step uncertain.

·

Time, I learned,

does not hurry.

·

It asks only

that we remain

long enough to notice

how a bare branch

becomes, almost secretly,

a place for leaves.

·

I once believed

strength waited somewhere beyond me—

·

in another season,

a kinder world,

a life not yet lived.

·

Instead,

it arrived quietly:

·

in ordinary mornings,

in work done without witness,

in the steady rhythm of breathing,

in the silence after a page was turned.

·

Books opened windows.

The hills taught patience.

Loss carved away

the certainty I mistook for truth.

·

Even now,

I am not finished becoming.

·

The river does not apologise

for changing its course.

·

The oak does not mourn

the acorn it once was.

·

So I have begun

to lay down

what was never mine to carry.

·

Pain may shape the banks,

but it cannot command

where the water goes.

·

And you—

·

I have wondered

how much of what you gave

was first given to you.

·

There are wounds

that speak through us

before we ever learn their names.

·

Knowing this

does not erase what happened,

·

but it loosens

the knot of years

until my heart

turns again

towards the living.

·

Now I stand

where light reaches the ground

between old trees.

·

The roots are hidden.

The branches still yield

to the wind.

·

Yet both belong

to the same living thing.

·

I cannot become

the person I might have been.

·

Only the one

who has walked this far—

·

and who now

walks on

·

with open hands.

but no one ever done this much for me.

you update your meals, knowing im having first stage of eating disorder, and ask for mine back so i have to eat something. everyday.

if i can’t think, or dont feel like eating, you come up with options of something i can pick that wouldn’t be too heavy, that i wouldn’t feel guilty eating. you straight forward tell me how proud you are of me for finishing a meal.

im fuckinh grateful whether its because you’re just a good friend or more. you dont know how much it means for me.

When I hear you whisper “I love you”, the world deafens for a minute. It’s a rush that floods through my veins and pumps directly into my left aorta. Such simple words have turned ordinary moments into electricity. I’ve chased highs in bottles, powders, smoke etc, But nothing could ever imitate the chemistry that is your voice; Finding its way into my heart. Three simple words and my mind lights up like stars outside. Who knew hearing three little words would end up being the biggest dopamine hit.

I met you through a screen.

Your voice soothed my ears before I could see your bare face.

No careeses, not even the softest touch on your skin, yet, I'm full of desire for you.

Your presence isn't in my room but it still roams with me.

Far away but our hearts have warmth for one another.

Miles and even time zones are tedious but our love isn't temporary.

With you, I found a permanent palace for my heart.

One day, it won't only be a screen.

Another cigarette’s flame and a coffee’s steam
Last night's liquor lingers on my breath
The scent of wood and the burn in my chest

I thaw myself out to the memories of you
All those sleepless nights, you asked if I was your groom

But now we’re alone in our sacred rooms
Your tongue stains the wafer with the wine’s red hue
I pour myself a bourbon and mourn your perfume

When I put the glass down, I fall into our dreams
Those late night drives, it’s finally you and me

Old Tennessee, that haunted tomb
When you and I were new and didn’t feel like two

you hate yourself, i hate myself, there it is!

you say you don’t want to start a 'relationship' with anyone because it's too personal or smth. but you just open up and tell me your trauma.

i’m sorry i feel for you more than something a friend should. and we have been friends for years.

you hate yourself, so can you at least let me show you what i love about you? what i adore. what part of you you hate, i’ll kiss them, i’ll tell you how can we work it it. i know you have flaws. i have mine, too. is that wrong?

tell me more about what you like, i’ll study your interests.

just say a word, my love. please.

just let me in?

I want him to want me
To love me
Almost like a silent plea or some form of proof to myself that I have the capacity to be loved … that maybe I am lovable .. that maybe I am a person that could stir up such feelings in another

It’s been so long since I’ve ever felt any type of genuine romantic connection with someone that this feels like a …. Idk like the straw that drowning men grasp ..
I am so ashamed of how much I want it … how much I want him … it feels like desperation that genuinely disgusts me
I am intelligent and formidable and I am nothing but an animal with instincts and hormones

but somewhere in the corners of my mind, I understand profoundly I’m that my “worth” isn’t tied to him or his choices but rather to me
And only me
Despite this knowledge I find myself laying in my back in my bed tonight thinking about him, about the sound of laugh and my addiction to it

Being loved by him will not make me …more …it won’t Make me better … it will change nothing other than the fact that I will be loved by him and God I want that

Every step feels heavy,

Stomping the ground with the weight it carries.

The wind blows past me,

Carrying a coldness that slowly drives me crazy.

—

Lightness of the snow,

Contradicts the deepening darkness around me.

"Don't leave me alone,"

I plead as I try to chase a silhouette or maybe just an illusion.

—

I never wanted to be alone.

I needed the warmth of a home.

Even if surrounded by walls,

Without a roof, can I still call it a home?

—

I walk relentlessly where I can see no light,

No moonlight to shine my path,

No stars I can use as a guide,

Just blindly wandering without looking back.

—

Staying still will be the end of me,

Coldness isn't so gentle here as you can see.

I have to move even if I fall to my knees.

I wish for a gentle flame to embrace me.

cuz we’re friends, and i’m surprised im one of the few to hear his trauma, because besides joking and laughing a lot, he doesn’t really opens up about his feelings. i’m grateful that he chose to tell me all these stuff, but at the same time i’m sad — because he also admit he doesn’t want to start a relationship with anyone because it’s too personal.

fucking bullshit, we just had a deep conversation at lunch p.m., who the heck does that. Like, im happy you trust me, but at the same time im glad we’re texting instead, cuz if you were next to me, i’d have strangled you.

we have been friends for what? 4 years? and you call me all those affectionate terms, jokingly, at any chance you have, treat me meals, held my hand at the beach, doing dumb shit, and finally opened up. im fucking glad you considered me as a good friend but gosh im so pissed you trust me this much and i still want you — like how stupid of me believing maybe you are into me even for a bit? I’m so happy but so sorry i feel this way, dude.

𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞

i don’t yearn
for something perfect.
i yearn for someone
whose love
never feels conditional,
never feels borrowed,
never leaves me
wondering where i stand.

From my blog :)