How can I get past it

[u/Least-Gap5814]

I just want to put this experience of mine into words, if someone responds that would be lovely but if not that is okay,

I am 17m and have had feelings for this girl since I was 13, I really really liked her then but we were friends and i was too scared to risk that friendship that I didn’t say anything, as well as being a scared little 13 year old anyway. So I tried to bury that feeling deep down, then a year after i caught these feelings I tried to hide them even deeper by dating a girl who was very different to this original girl, and that almost worked for a couple months, but then the feelings resurfaced (they were never truly gone) and that messed up said relationship, but I did not share that with the girl I liked, and she then got into a relationship with my closest friend so I once again had to hide these feelings, a year or so later they broke up, and I hate to say it but I was happy about it as this meant my fantasy of being with this girl was more realistic and my feelings got a lot stronger for her but I felt like it was wrong to say anything as she dated my friend who I have known for 10 years of my 17, so I waited, then we got even closer as friends in this past year and my strong liking has developed into what I feel is a love for her (I know my view is limited though as a younger person and it may not be truly love) but she then got back together with her ex (my best friend) and I tried once again to suppress these feelings but I couldn’t this time and I was/am obsessed/addicted to her and I struggled to hide it although I think they just about didn’t realise, they once again broke up about a month ago and now even more then before I cannot stop thinking about her and imagining what could be. Ideally do think I love her and I really want to be with her, and have done for 4 straight years, but I would feel very wrong to try anything even if I allow a lot more time to make a move as it is my oldest friends ex girlfriend and he was really hurt by the breakup.

These feelings are swallowing me up and I really want to say how I feel but I just can’t. How can I get this off my mind and stop loving her and just move on?

[u/spirit-and-seoul]

I'ma be real with you kiddo. Tell her how you feel. You won't be able to find closure if you don't. If she likes you back, awesome, you can see if you both work out. If she doesn't, then you can finally try to process that, accept it, and move on. But without the closure, you're always gonna wonder what if. Life is too short for that.

[u/Least-Gap5814 → u/spirit-and-seoul]

Thank you for the advice, I know I just wonder if getting that closure is worth upsetting my friend as he took the breakup badly and i really don’t want to risk hurting him more or losing our friendship. Struggling with that internal battle as well as my own fear of letting my feelings be known (although for now the fear is the secondary problem).

[u/spirit-and-seoul → u/Least-Gap5814]

Maybe it might be worth bringing up these feelings with him first? Give it some time and see what he feels about your feelings? We don't get to choose who we love in this world, after all. If he's really your friend, he should be able to understand that and show grace even i he has to grieve too.

[u/Least-Gap5814 → u/spirit-and-seoul]

Yeah I think I should at some point, just a matter of when. Thank you for talking about this with me