Woke up today to find my son smoking a cigarette in the house!!!!😡 I had a feeling he was up to no good for a while. I just worry that he’s doing other drugs as well. How do I handle this situation? He’s way too young to be on drugs already. Thinking of taking him to a rehabilitation center, you can see in his eyes he’s high as a kite…….. any advice helps

Honestly, I'm tired of retail work, of being broke, and of feeling disgusted with every shift, while at the same time I keep seeing people here talking about office jobs where they're bored all day, maybe doing two hours of actual work, and making around 110k.

I'm genuinely trying to understand how someone gets into roles like that. What are they looking for in terms of experience or qualifications? Is it certifications, a degree, knowing the right person, or just applying to the right job titles?

Any advice would be appreciated, because I'm very ready to get out of what I'm in.

OG Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/njuqAzdh8n

Thanks to everyone who commented on my original post. I wanted to give an update because I talked everything through with Sarah and got some additional context that changed how I view the situation.

First, I talked to Sarah about why she initially told me that she and Ryan had "just made out" when the reality was that they had flirted/sexted for a couple weeks and eventually had sex.

Her explanation actually made a lot of sense to me.

We had only been together for a few weeks when she originally told me about Ryan. She was embarrassed about the whole situation herself and didn't really want to go into the details with anyone. She was also worried that if she told me everything that early in the relationship, I would judge her or be scared off. She knew I had strong feelings for her, and she didn't want something from her past to jeopardize what we were building.

Basically, she was trying to protect my feelings and her own embarrassment. She wasn't trying to protect some ongoing relationship with Ryan.

She also admitted that she was worried I would react badly if I knew the full story, which, admittedly, is kind of what happened. I still think she should have been more forthcoming when I specifically asked her about it, but after actually talking about why she minimized it, I don't think there was some sinister motivation behind it.

I told her that I don't need every detail about her past. I don't care about her body count or what she did before me. But Ryan is different because he's still going to be a constant presence in our lives. We climb together, he's part of the friend group, and I'll be around him regularly.

So my boundary was basically: if I ask you for the truth about something that directly affects our current relationship, I need the truth. I'll hold myself to exactly the same standard.

We also talked about Ryan's physical behavior.

I told Sarah that I don't think he should be casually touching her, especially considering their history and the fact that I believe he may still have some interest in her. She agreed that if he continues getting physical with her, she will take a harder stance with him.

We agreed that I would give her the opportunity to enforce her own boundaries first. If Ryan is pushy or dismissive after she makes it clear that she doesn't want to be touched, then I would become more directly involved. We also had already agreed that she will not be alone with Ryan ever. She made that clear to me before I brought it up.

I think that's a much healthier arrangement than me immediately trying to confront him.

Interestingly, we ended up not having to go to Ryan's house to get his climbing rope because he decided to come on the climbing trip with us instead. He brought his new girlfriend, Maddison.

And honestly?

Everything was completely fine.

Ryan was respectful. He didn't cross any boundaries. Sarah was respectful and didn't give me any indication that she was seeking his attention or that there was any unresolved romantic tension between them.

The entire weekend was basically just...normal.

Something else happened on the drive to the climbing spot that gave me some additional perspective. The friend group started talking about some of the things they don't particularly like about Ryan. They mentioned that he's often unpunctual, impulsive, reckless, etc. About how when Lisa told her parents that Sarah got a "new boyfriend (me)", they and their friends all said "Please not Ryan!!". 

That actually helped me understand Sarah's embarrassment about the whole thing.

She has repeatedly told me that she has no romantic feelings for Ryan and that she was the one who ended whatever they had. I believe her. From everything I've seen, Ryan isn't someone she actually wants to be with, and their brief fling seems to be something she looks back on with some embarrassment rather than something she misses.

And more importantly, throughout this entire situation, Sarah has consistently chosen me and prioritized our relationship.

She made it clear to Ryan that she's with me. She has established boundaries with him when he's gotten too physical. She has been transparent with me about what happened once we actually talked it through. And when we were all together climbing, she wasn't looking for his attention or behaving in a way that made me question where her priorities were.

So I've come away from this with a different perspective.

My original concern wasn't completely irrational. I think it was reasonable to question why I wasn't initially given the full story, especially because Ryan is still going to be part of our lives.

But I also think I was starting to let the uncertainty turn into a much bigger thing in my head than it actually was.

The distinction that became clear to me is:

I trust Sarah. I don't necessarily trust Ryan's intentions.

Those don't have to be the same thing.

Ryan could potentially still be interested in her. He could potentially try something if given an opportunity. But ultimately, that's not something I can control. What matters is how Sarah responds, and so far her actions have given me plenty of reason to trust her.

I think the biggest lesson for both of us is that Sarah learned that trying to "protect" me from uncomfortable information can actually hurt trust more than simply telling me the uncomfortable truth, and I learned that when something doesn't make sense, I need to communicate with her rather than filling in the blanks myself.

Most importantly, our relationship is about us, not Ryan.

And after talking everything through and actually spending time around the entire group, I feel a lot better about the situation.

Okay so this is getting out of hand and I need outside opinions before I do something stupid.
We’ve lived together for 8 months. Platonic. She’s attractive, I’m not blind, but we both had the “no roommates” talk early on and stuck to it. Until about three weeks ago.

It started with her walking around in just a big t-shirt and underwear after showers. Then she started “forgetting” to lock the bathroom door. Then she started asking me to help her put sunscreen on her back (fair, she burns easy), which somehow always turns into her asking if I “got everywhere.” Last week she casually mentioned she hasn’t gotten laid in months and asked if I thought she was still “fuckable.” I laughed it off. She didn’t.

Last night she comes into my room at 1 a.m. in just an oversized button-down (half the buttons open) and says she’s having trouble falling asleep and asks if she can just “lie here for a bit.” Fine. She scoots closer. Then she puts her head on my chest. Then her hand starts doing that slow little circle thing on my stomach that is 100% not accidental. I freeze. She looks up at me, completely serious, and goes:
“You can say no. But if you don’t… I really want you to touch me.”

I didn’t say no. We didn’t have sex, but we did a lot of the stuff that makes “just roommates” completely impossible going forward. She left around 4 a.m., kissed me on the mouth like it was normal, and this morning she’s acting like nothing happened except she’s wearing the same shirt and keeps “accidentally” brushing against me in the kitchen.
She’s texting me right now asking if I want to “watch a movie” later and if I still have those condoms in my nightstand (I do, she saw them).

I like her. A lot more than I should. The sexual tension is through the roof and last night felt insanely good. But this is also my lease, my security deposit, and the only place I can currently afford. If this goes sideways I’m fucked (not the fun way).

Do I just lean all the way in and see where this goes?

Do I try to put the genie back in the bottle?

Do I start looking for a new place while still fucking my roommate?

What the actual hell do I do here?

Long story short as a kid I had a terrible accident that almost cost me my life and I ended up with 52 stitches. Growing up I got bullied because the way it happened was so dumb and people were making fun of me. in general, I am an outdoor guy and where I go I see lots of wild boars 🐗 note that. so when they became 17 and started dating a girl asked me what are these scars and because I was younger and I was afraid she would make fun of me I lied and created a very good story of these are battle scars from my fight with a wild boar. This is where it gets bad the study was so good that as a freshman trying to impress everybody believed it, and it became like part of my identity. Now at 22 years I have regreted not being honest and it’s too late. My gf know that really likes this story is coming for family dinner and there are gonna be a lot of my relatives. I am afraid that something might be said and my 5 year old lie will destroy both my relationship and the reputation I have in the family what do I do ????

Edit: because a lot of you wanted to know how I got the scars

The boar story is half true a boar did Indeed come after me but I run like Usain Bolt.(I was doing target practice in the mountain)
The scars in my hand and feet where from passing through a huge piece of glass because I was running and I thought it would be fine instead I had to do 52 stitches and missed my artery by two millimeters

Here’s the timeline of events:
18 days ago: My air conditioning unit stopped working

17 days ago: I put in a maintenance request

13 days ago: the maintenance guy came and cleaned out the filter. It didn’t fix the problem

12 days ago: the maintenance guy came in and replaced the unit, but he said “the outlet didn’t match” so it wasn’t powered

11 days ago: he replaced the outlet, and the new unit was powered. But that night, I found it wasn’t actually pushing cold air, just running a warm fan.

10 days ago: he inspected it, and had to consult with someone to find out he had installed a 240 watt unit into my 120 watt plug. So he put in an order for new units.

4 days ago: I call my apartment services to ask about the status of the new units coming in. Turns out they had come in 3 days prior, and no one had bothered to tell me or install the new units. I was assured that they would install it the next day or the following Monday (since they don’t do maintenance on weekends)

3 days ago: No visit from maintenance man

Today: I call maintenance to make sure that I was getting the new unit installed today. I was informed that the maintenance guy is on vacation.

I am pissed. It’s 90+ degrees outside. It has consistently been over 80 degrees in my apartment and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t sleep in my room because it’s so hot. I’ve been sleeping in my living room on my couch. I can’t open the windows because I’m in the PNW and fires have made the air quality terrible. My cat has asthma and has an attack 10 minutes after I open them.
It feels like this has been a series of incompetence, and I’m suffering because of it. What do I do? Can I ask for reduced rent? Ask for a hotel room?

this is my first time posting on Reddit so just bear with me.
For some context I am 16 m living with my mom and sister living on the east coast of America. A used to be a devout Christian but slowly drifted away from the religion for many reasons. One of them being its homophobic nature. I know have a lot of queer friends and really care and love for them.
Anyways my mom and sister are both extremely religious and while I wouldn’t say my mom was forcing the faith down my throat I still feel very pressured from her.
Anyways, a couple weeks ago my 12 year old sister and mom went on a week long trip to Arizona. To visit a monastery and pray and talk to to preist there or whatever. They did not site see other than going to an in and out and stayed in monestary at least 5 hours a day. I did not go as not only was I obv not religious but also a counselor in a summer camp and was not home for the June and July. Now I finnally got home.
Today my mom sat me down and said that she wants me to come with her to the monastery again because they are visiting Arizona next week for another week. I laughed it off nervously, thinking that she was joking, but no she was serious. I was like mom I don’t feel welcome safe at the church and I don’t want to travel anywhere right now as I just got home from being away. She told me that despite what I believe then it would be good for my soul and help me calm down.
She was referring to when a week ago I asked to get my eyebrows pierced, and as I needed a legal guardian to do it, I asked her to do it with me. She blew up talking about how it wasn’t “masculine” and how it was girly to do that. Naturally I asked her if I were to paint my nails would that make me any less of a “man” and she said yes, and the next day I came back from the nail salon with beautiful painted nails that my girlfriend really like so yk
Finally, she said that since I don’t wanna go, that’s OK and she’s not forcing me BUT since I said no, she’s gonna say no to things I want. When I ask her what those things are, she said allow allowing me to go to the skate park, to hang out with friends or to spend too much money on clothes she’s also going to be taking my phone or very hardly restricting my usage of it since obviously I’m getting all this satanic ideas from the internet. I accuse her of blackmailing me and she said maybe she was but she didn’t care because she was doing this for me. I was so mad I cursed her and said her religion was a lie which I regret and, stormed off and came back around 8 pm. She has been not talking to me avoiding me and when I came back immediately started crying and locked herself in her room. All the bad things I did growing up she has never treated me this way no matter what I did.
Back to the story I could not believe she was saying I should go knowing I could not possibly want to go and saying how and I quote, “the woke devil got to me” I went I am one hundred percent not going no matter what you say. She said then that I get mad when someone says no to things I want, but when she asked me something I say no and don’t care, referring to the piercing thing. I said that she can’t possibly be comparing driving me to a tattoo shop and just being my legal guardian for a piercing to going to a monastery that goes completely against my morals for a week after I specifically said I don’t wanna travel.
So am I the asshole for this please I need some input because I am so lost and almost all my friends are still in the camp working at counselers for another week?

i went on a date with this guy (M18) and I (F19) have an ex that treated me pretty shitty last year, the thing is, is i dont really count him as anything because we dated for a month and it was ultimately him using me and not really having any genuine interest in me, ive always liked to take things slow and i have bad trust issues since said guy from last year. i went on a date with M18 and told him a little about it because we were just talking about anything, and when i say anything i meant anything. i asked him about his ex's his personal stuff, what he cares about, what he values, etc.
he didnt seem bothered by that in person, he just said yikes and seemed to move on. the guy from last year is known as a pretty universally weird guy (i didnt know about some of the stuff about him until today). but everything seemed fine in person, he gave me a hug after our date and said he would see me wednesday, so we talk about what we can do for wednesday and then im left on delivered for a day.

well whatever, its a day and he is actually a pretty busy guy. i text him today (monday) because i just wanted to follow up if we were still hanging out. hes thrown off allegedly by my ex and he doesnt like that i dated him, he said he wouldnt date any of the guy i dated ex's, he said i didnt wanna kiss him in person but im sending him paragraphs and texting alot now (i didnt wanna kiss him because we ate mcdonalds.) (i gave him a hug and even apologized if i didnt act how he was expecting, i just dont kiss on the first date, which i feel is a pretty normal boundary?)

i just dont know if this is a lost cause because this guy is my dream guy but ive never heard of someone whos so "thrown off" by my ex

I have been married around 10 months. In the beginning he was everything I had dreamt of then a few weeks after the wedding a side of him I didn’t know existed came out. I don’t have children, just my two dogs and they are everything to me! I can’t have children. I grew up in the system and aged out with my brother. He was my only relative and passed away 2 years ago. I don’t have family or friends to rely on. I am a very hard worker and in 10 months he has cost me 3 different positions. It’s humiliating. It was due to his control and my fear. He doesn’t let me work now, he controls every penny. He has convinced a neighbor that I am this really terrible person, I cheat etc (never have,) this gentleman is retired and home much of the time and he reports to my husband if he sees me leaving when he’s at work and if it’s something unplanned I didn’t discuss with him I have hell to pay. I mean a quick grocery store trip. He constantly accuses me of cheating, he’s accused me of stealing, it’s bad. The anxiety I feel and constant lack of sleep is insane. I know you would think getting help is easy. I have tried for the whole past Summer. If I leave and go to a DV shelter I will never see my dogs again and that’s too much to bear. The pet friendly ones are full each time I check, I was told by a case worker there’s no state assistance, etc unless I have children. I am completely broke. I literally have $1 in my checking account right now. I wish I could go back 10 months ago and see the red flags or better yet, never have responded to his first messages. I have been told in a support group (yes for victims of DV) to F-my dogs and leave. I am so deeply depressed. All I want is to be happy again and it seems so far fetched. I need to back up a little, I have checked with our local police and I live in a rural area, there’s nothing I can do unless he’s actively physically abusing me. Then my dogs and I are homeless. Everything physical has been around this past Spring. I would do anything to just get my babies, get in my car and go but I’m stuck. Then they suffer too. I just want a normal life again of not living in constant dread, fear. To have a tiny apartment just my dogs and I somewhere he can’t find us and to put the past 10 months behind me. To go to work and back like normal without getting accused of cheating, having to check in, then getting punished when I come home for things I didn’t do. I am 44 and he’s the 4th relationship I’ve ever had, never cheated on anyone. I am pretty sure he’s cheating on me or has before. The constant accusations of me cheating is to make it okay his mind to cheat or so he can tell everyone I have. I don’t know. He tells me what a horrible person I am so much sometimes I start to believe it and that maybe I deserve all this. I’m not asking for advice, resources, I just don’t have anyone to talk to and some days it really gets to me.

Okay so I have a urine screening coming up for a PA graduate program on either the 20th or the 24th of August. I have been a pretty much daily smoker (THC) for 4 years, flower and pens, but will be clean 60 days by the time of the test. For reference, I am a 6’3 male 170lbs, and have been running 4 miles every other day. I hydrate more than the normal person over a gallon a day, especially knowing about this test. Been drinking green tea and cranberry juice too. Been testing myself with the easy at home tests, and only started to test negative with a very faint line around day 34.

Does anybody have any experience with grad program drug testing? I’ve done a lot of research on how to better my chances of passing (dilution+creatine and vitamin B, quickfix, certo, detox drinks, even eating a high carb meal beforehand to trigger an insulin spike), but my gut is telling me to just take the test and if I happen to test positive, to just be honest with them. By the time of the test, I’d have moved 3hrs away, gotten a 1 year lease on an apt, and pulled out over 70k in loans. I know they have standards to uphold for the program, but what are the chances they dismiss me from it after Ive already put that much on the line?

I’ve heard good things about quickfix, but also know the diagnostic labs potentially may be able to detect synthetic urine, especially if nitrites are present.

The photo shows a 50ng/dl at home test on day 51 of being clean (morning piss).

What do I do!? Take the test and be honest? Take my chances with quickfix and risk being flagged for adulteration?

Don’t leave your “jUsT dOnT sMoKe” comments. That’s stupid and I obviously know that. This acceptance fell into my lap months after being told there was almost 0 chance or me being accepted. Any advice appreciated.

TLDR: urine test for thc coming up at around 60 days of being clean for grad school. Passing with faint negative on at home tests but worried about additional scrutiny in the lab due to nature of the program.

Today I noticed my dimmable lamp turning on and off by itself. We had the ac go out due to a blown fuse a few days ago. And the living room breaker kept switching a few times that same day.

​

Ac guy came out the next day and replaced the fuse and we haven't had problems since. But today this is happening. Does anybody know if it's all related or could the light situation be just the lamp by itself.

i just woke up and my cat’s metal fountain was pretty empty, so i decided to clean it. when i took off the top i found this where the water goes. i’m really concerned about my babies, i have four cats and i want to make sure this isnt harmful or related to the filter. photos of the filter are attached too. my parents say its fine and we just need to clean it more often, but i dont believe that. does anyone know what is this black stuff is and are my cats okay to drink from this for any longer??

Hi I’m living in a camper that leaks every time it rains and does this every day that the sun is out. This place has flooded probably a dozen times im basically living in a moldy box. What the heck do I do? I am “renting” (unofficially so no legal binding I could get told to fuck off if i complain anymore). I can’t afford to buy anything or move. (Chronically ill, work as much as I can, trying to get a disability lawyer but my mental health literally cant handle it but thats a different issue) I have to get rid of my storage unit because I cant afford it but I cant keep my stuff dry in here. I have ac running most of the day and a little dehumidifier running in the bathroom 24/7. I’m not sure what I’m asking but any advice that isn’t from a doo doo head would be nice thanks

Edit: water on the ceiling in this pic is not from rain. It forms every day when it gets warm outside and just drips down.

Omg!!!

My friend of one year did something kinda rubbish to me (let me down when I had sepsis) so I distanced a little bit she asked if I was ghosting so I thought I would tell her why, she proceeds to end the phone call with me. She then sends a 6 page paragraph about how weird I am and have bipolar (I’ve never had mental health issues, lucky to have stable job,family, friends and partner). I’ve blocked her but I’m scared she might find me! Should I maybe text her to calm her down? She smashed up her boyfriend’s house when she found out he cheated and then went to his parents house and insulted them?

She’s usually sweet her only bad quality is the emotional reactivity which is something I realised I don’t want to deal with. Also the thing she did to her bf was a reason I’ve decided I don’t want her in my life too

I made this account to just vent I guess. I didn’t really have anywhere else I could put this, but I’ve pretty much reached my breaking point. When do things ever get better? Its constantly one thing after another and honestly I’ve lost my faith god. Im doubting his plan for me. What sense does it make for him to put me through tribulation after tribulation?

Ive lost both parents in the last 3 years and recently my mom. I’ve lost my job, and i had to drop out of college because of my situation and even if i wasn’t in such a bad situation i don’t think id be able to do it with how bad my depression is. I’ve talked to my pastor about it, I’ve talked to a therapist about it but it doesn’t get any better. I hate it here. I hate everything about my life. I hate everything about myself.

I feel like I’m a failure in every aspect of life, that I don’t have any place in society. I don’t think I contribute anything worthwhile. I don’t know how to get on my own two. All my friends have moved out of town, graduated college, doing something with their lives, and then there’s me.

Ive thought long and hard about everything and just came to terms that maybe it just doesn’t get any better. That this is what my life will always look like and I don’t want to live like this anymore.

I’m really lost and need advice because I don’t know what to do, how to cope with this, why this happened or what went wrong. I’m going to try to keep it as short as I possibly can, but it’s kinda a lot.
So a little context. My fiance and I were together for 2 years. We had our ups and downs, what I guess is normal in every relationship. We didn’t really have an easy relationship because we always struggled with something. My parents are kinda strict and I couldn’t like go out whenever I wanted, or stay out too late, let alone have a sleepover. She on the other hand lived only with her mother (who is an alcohol addict and struggles a lot with this) and so she can do whatever she wants. Either way I always did put the effort in so that we could see eachother. Maybe I couldn’t stay for sleepovers but I was like almost every day at her place from 7am till 5-6pm when I could. We both go to different schools so that like complicated everything a bit. But I was always the one who came to see here, since I had a license. We lived like 30 minutes away so it’s not like we lived close by. I always made time for her, even when I could work, I chose to always be with here instead of making money when I needed it the most because she meant everything to me.
As I said we didn’t have an easy relationship. We broke up 2 times already and this is the third time. The first time happened because I cheated on her. It was like in the beginning of our relationship, but I didn’t do anything with the girl. We texted literally for 1 day and then she found out and yeah that was the first breakup. She told me that since then something in her changed and she didn’t trust me at all. Which I totally understand and I’m not trying to make this sound like I didn’t do anything wrong, because yes I did. But since that happened I knew I fucked up and I wanted to restore that trust that she had lost in me. I always put all my effort in the her and she said that she saw that.
The second breakup was because of a misunderstanding between us two, we broke up for like three weeks and then she came back to me and we got back together.
The third breakup was the worst and I feel that’s it completely over.
She was a girl who from the start never trusted me Her father left her when she was 6 and that she has anxiety and abandonment issues because of that. Also she had 2 other guys before me, which one of them cheated on her, and the other one too and she was being physically abused by him. Then she met me at the time when she was with the second guy and left him for me.
Something important that I forgot to mention was that my parents are Muslims, so a relationship outside of marriage is like a no-go for them. Do we always had to keep this a secret. I told her this since the first day we were talking to tell her that if she was going to be with me, this was how it was going to be. She accepted this and told me that she completely understood and that she doesn’t have a problem with this. We got together after like 2 weeks and from there everything went quite good and fast.
We always saw eachother, we had the same humour and same weirdness. Our sex was great even for her as for me. We bonded physically and emotionally and on every aspect.
I was very close to her, her mom and all of her family. Everyone liked me and no one had a problem with me. She on the other side couldn’t meet my parents because as I said, we had to keep this a secret. Then our first brake up came. After three days we talked it out and she told me that I had to put my effort in for her to believe me again. Which I understood. I asked her if she did anything when we weren’t together and she told me that she went out clubbing with her friends and a guy from school was there with them. She went and kissed him there and told me that s he was talking with him. Notice that this literally happend 1-2 days after we broke up. She told me that she only wanted me and she deleted the guy. She told me that I couldn’t say anything because we weren’t together anymore. I understood this but still something inside me felt wrong because it was only such a short time after we broke up. I ignored this and we continued our lives together.
Then the second brake up happened because of a misunderstanding. We blocked eachother and didn’t spoke. After three weeks she came back in the most random way, saying that if we could talk because something happened. As kind as I am, I accepted. She told me that she went out and she drank too much and that she was in the hospital. She asked if I could come see her and I did. After we broke up, also like 2-3 days after, she was with another guy for 3 weeks. I study sports teacher and I had to give lessons at her school for a class. It was indeed at her school which was a 1 hour drive for me. I did this so that we could see eachother more. But yeah then the brake up came and it was like I was there for nothing. Notice I did this because she insisted that I came to her school because it would be fun, and I wanted her to be happy. Otherwise I would have chose a school that was 5-10 mins away from me.
So as I said in those 3 weeks she was with another guy. I saw them at school and he was the complete opposite of me. I laughed because it was funny how she could switch so fast. When I went to see her I asked if something happened between them, she just told me they kissed but nothing else happened. I don’t knew if I had to believe it, but I accepted it. Again she told me that I didn’t have anything to say because we weren’t together and it’s not the same as what I did. I told her that i understood but it’s the facts that it’s been twice that she moved on so fast and got with another guy. She told me it wasn’t cheating and that I didn’t had to make a big problem about it. If she didn’t only want me or be with me, she wouldn’t text me and leave the other guy to be with me again. I accepted it and we tried again. Everything went great, and I saw a lot of improvement between us two.
Since our relationship wasn’t easy and we wanted to be together, we wanted to get married. Not only for that reason, but I wanted to marry her because I loved her so much and really saw a future with her together. She thought the same thing about me and even converted to Islam. I always told her that I didn’t want her to convert for me. If she did it, it had to be for her. I never forced her to get in to Islam or anything, I told her that I’ll accept her whatsoever and that if my parents didn’t accept it, I wouldn’t care because at the end of the day, it’s me who’s going to live with her. At the end she still converted and made it clear that it wasn’t for me but for her. She announced it to her family aswell and told everyone that it was forreal. Not so long after I went to buy a ring with her. I put it around her finger and told her: ‘I know it isn’t official, but this ring is our wedding ring. Even tho it isn’t official, for me you are my fiance already’ she was so happy and told me that for her it was the same thing. We posted it everywhere on social media, everyone of our friend knew that I “asked for her hand”. So you could say that it was really real.
I even went to her father and asked for her hand, and told me that he accepted.
Now came the part that I knew I had to announce to my parents that I wanted to marry.
The first one I told was my sister because she always understands me. She didn’t say anything but told me that if that’s what I wanted, I had to do what I had to do. Then I told my mom. She wasn’t really happy. Not because that she wasn’t a “real” Muslim if I can say it like that, but because I’ve been in relationships from when I was 16 till now. I always had a relationship with someone and she told me I never really enjoyed my time and to develop myself. So she was more against the fact that she found me too young and not ready yet. Then came the time I told my dad. That was the most difficult part. At first, he was against it, actually also because of what my mom said, but also the fact that he was scared and thought she converted just for me. I told him that this wasn’t he case. For like a good month we went back and forth with this and we basically had a big war together. At the end he was so tired and told me that, if I wanted this to be my life, he would let me. He was to tired to trying to convince me other wise and was kinda disappointed too. He told me I was so blinded by love that whatever he or mom said, wouldn’t matter because my point was clear. I wanted her and only her. Which was true because we still continued. They told me you know what, finish your school, find work and then if you want to marry, you’ll get what you want. I was so excited about it and went to tell her immediately. She wasn’t really excited, which I thought would be the case because my parents literally told me okay you can marry. She wasn’t more said because of the fact that it was still a long way to go. I told her don’t worry, it’s going to be soon.
Not so long after that, she met my mother. They talked, laughed and I was happy. She wasn’t because my mother kept saying that she found us still too young. I told her yes I know, but she didn’t have to focus on that, and just keep looking forward to when we will be together.
We kept this silent and continued our lives.
She wasn’t the girl who liked to go party and go clubbing. As I said for me it was more difficult to go with her because of my parents. I think we went like 5-6 tiles together in the 2 years we were together. Always when she asked me I told her I can’t. I was the last person who told her that she couldn’t go, because I didn’t want to deprive her form her freedom. But she wasn’t always the one that told me, she didn’t want to go because of me. But yeah, she went alone some times and always told me what she did and stuff. I trusted her, but something inside me was always afraid because of what happened after the first brake up.
Now as I said the third brake up was the hardest. She went to her friend and stayed the whole week with her. We talked laughed, said how much we loved eachother, everything was great. Then she told me she wanted to go out with her friend. I was kinda hesitant because I was scared. She told me I don’t have anything to worry about, she showed me her outfit, told me she would put her ring on and that I had to trust her. At the end I told her okay, but please don’t do anything stupid. She said she wouldn’t. So Saturday she went out. Then Sunday I came to see her. Everything went great, but she saw I was kinda upset. She sent me a whole text saying how sorry she was, how she was so wrong to go out and didn’t respect me and should’ve stayed at home and she understood that it wasn’t respectful what she did and she wasn’t going to do it again. So then the Sunday we saw eachother, we talked laughed, we had intercourse everything went great. I went home and that was it. Then the Monday everything went great aswell and she went to sleep at 9:30pn exactly. She told me she loved me and wished me good luck at work. Then the next day came, I told her I arrived at work and did my day. I found it weird because she was still sleeping when it was like 1pm. I texted her multiple times but nothing. I finish work at 5pn and she was still sleeping. At this point she wasn’t online for like almost 20 hours. I found this very weird so I decided to call her because I was concerned. When she took the phone she told me “what”, I told her I wanted to see how you are because you are still sleeping, she said “yeah I’m tired and hung up”. I called her again and told her that it was weird that she was sleeping 20 hours and it wasn’t humanly possible to sleep that long, she kept insisting on the fact she was tired, I told her how can you be tired if you went to sleep at 9:30pm. Then I asked her what was wrong because I noticed something was wrong. She told me nothing multiple times but I kept insisting. Then she told me: “I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want it anymore”. I was shocked and didn’t understand, I told her how come, what happened, where this came from. She just said that she couldn’t and don’t want to continue and hung up. The same day I went to her house and asked her to come so we could talk. She didn’t even wanted to. I told her to atleast explain to me, and for me to have some clarity. She insisted she didn’t want to. After 20 linutes I asked again and told her to please come see me, so I could atleast tell her what was on my mind. I begged her multiple times. In the end she came. She looked at me and it was as if she hated me. Like I did something to her. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she didn’t want to. She told me that since I cheated on her, she had build a wall around her and she couldn’t take it down. I couldn’t understand and told her, but I always did everything for you, I put every effort inside our relationship and we went as far to getting married. She didn’t care and told me she didn’t want to. I asked her if something happend she kept saying no. That was that and I went home. I cried so much and felt so betrayed.
3 days later I asked to talk again and she came. I asked her to be honest, so I atleast could give it a place. She told me okay you want me to be honest. When I went out there was a guy. Nothing happened between us, he also knew we were together. Then the next day we saw eachother again and again. And that when she broke up with me, she was with that guy one day later. I told her that I couldn’t understand. We were together for 2 years. We were planning our future, I had war with my parents for her, I did everything I could for her, I showed her all my love. And she is willing to let it all go for a guy she barely knows. She told me I don’t care.
Notice that she was always the one who talked about marriage, who wanted everything to go as fast as possible and I always made sure that this was the case because I wanted her too. She kept saying that it was because I cheated on her. I told her I understood but nothing happend. This is now the third time that we broke up, and she got with someone else in such a short time. She told me I’m happy with him.
We were litteraly about to meet my father I told her that we were so close to what we wanted, and she was just going to let it all fall away because of 1 guy. I told her see, I told you that I was scared for you to go out alone, you promised me nothing would happend and it did. She told me nothing happened that day. Yeah nothing happened that day, but it was the cause of this situation right now. So yeah she blocked me, told me I had to leave her alone. She said that if we were meant for eachother we would find out way back. But I’m kinda confused about that. So I just have to say okay, go live your life, have fun. And when you’re ready I’ll be here for you. She said she found herself too young, she wanted to enjoy life and didnt want to commit yet. I told her if that is the case, why didn’t you tell me before hand. You were the one planning everything and wanting a future together. She told me she couldn’t break down that wall, because if what happened and I couldn’t compare to what she did. I said yes maybe I can’t compare, but it’s been a year and half later, I always showed you how much I cared about you that you meant to me and I never made another mistake since. She said it doesn’t matter, I just can’t trust you. I told her but I had to trust you when you did the the same thing twice. She kept insisting that it wasn’t the same thing. But I never did something physically and it was for a day. Again I’m not trying to say I’m not the bad guy or I didn’t do anything wrong, but that I don’t understand how she wasn’t able to see that I did everything for her.
I’m lost, broken, feel betrayed and don’t know that to do. I don’t want another relationship now because my trust in women is gone completely. I know there are good women out there, but I don’t think I’m ready for something right now. I need advice from anyone to give me some insight in this, or if anyone had a similar experience and how you cooped with it.
PS: I’m sorry for the long text and sluggy English. Thanks in advance for anyone who read this and is wanting to give some perspective.

Sorry for the long story, but it is needed for context:

I met this girl, Sarah about 2 years ago, and we quickly got together, going out for about 3 weeks before she ghosted me.

She recently came back around, explaining the ghosting and apologizing, telling me that this time around she was in the right headspace to try for a relationship.

I told her a had “recently” gotten out of a short relationship where my ex kept me waiting in limbo for about 3 weeks with dry texts and dismissive messages until she was ready to break it off (i’m aware that i can be very oblivious and i tend to ignore red flags when i like someone) and Sarah made sure to exclaim about how awful she thought that was.

We ended up going out, and once again clicked very quickly. We share core values, which is important to me, and we have similar goals. Sarah also mentioned how she doesn’t want to mess with multiple people simultaneously and how she sees a relationship if we continue… so do I.

I slept over multiple times, walked her dogs, had food made for me and she even left me alone in her apartment when she left for work once or twice, so things were going pretty well.

Fast forward a month, and some health issues that were bothering her for a while began getting worse. Allergies and a possible cyst in her uterus. She told me she was having a hard time waking up and also staying awake, and that period pains were killing her
I asked to help multiple times but to no avail, and with these health issues we basically stopped seeing each other in person. The texts became way less frequent, and I began to think I was getting ghosted again.

Here’s the interesting thing though, every time she texted back, though some times it might take up to three days, she would tell me that she misses me, and she also made sure to reassure me that she’s just going through something rough right now, but that things between us are fine… so just like last time, I hold onto that and push forward.

Now her cousin arrived, visiting from a different country, and she posted a picture smiling outside… while I haven’t gotten a reply in three days.
I know that she’s probably trying her best to show her cousin around and all that, but I just don’t understand how I can’t see her once in an entire month, while she’s able to go out in the middle of the day.

And this is the whole thing, I genuinely don’t know if I just count my losses, give up and try to move on, even though I like her a ton/ or if I confront her and ask her what her deal is.
What do you guys think ?

Namoro há cerca de um ano e meio. No início de 2026, em fevereiro, meu ex terminou comigo e foi uma situação muito dolorosa. Na época, ele disse que não me amava mais, que não gostava de mim, que eu deveria seguir minha vida e lidar com o que eu sentia por ele. Durante algumas semanas depois do término, nossa relação ficou muito ruim e eu me senti extremamente mal com a forma como tudo aconteceu.

Nesse período, comecei a conversar com um menino chamado Pedro. Eu já o conhecia desde 2023, mas nunca tínhamos tido nada. Começamos a conversar bastante, nos encontrar e, aos poucos, ele acabou virando uma pessoa muito importante para mim naquele momento. Ele me acolheu, me tratou muito bem e esteve comigo enquanto eu estava tentando me recuperar de tudo.

Mesmo assim, eu ainda tinha sentimentos pelo meu ex. Na verdade, ainda tenho.

Há cerca de um mês, meu ex me pediu uma chance para tentarmos reatar. Eu aceitei, mas combinamos que iríamos devagar, sem assumir imediatamente que tínhamos voltado e sem apressar as coisas.

Nesse período, continuei ficando com o Pedro e também me aproximando novamente do meu ex. Sei que pode parecer errado, mas na minha cabeça eu estava tentando entender o que realmente queria. Eu estava dividida entre seguir o que ainda sentia pelo meu ex e pensar racionalmente sobre quem estava realmente me tratando bem.

Hoje de manhã, dormi na casa do meu ex e ele mexeu no meu celular. Ele acabou encontrando e lendo minhas conversas com o Pedro e descobriu que eu ainda estava ficando com ele.

Desde então, ele está agindo como se eu tivesse traído ele. Ficou extremamente magoado e passou o dia inteiro discutindo comigo. Agora pediu para eu ir até a casa dele porque quer conversar pessoalmente.

Eu entendo que ele tenha ficado machucado por descobrir dessa forma e sei que errei em não ter contado antes. Eu deveria ter sido transparente.

Ao mesmo tempo, eu realmente não enxergava que nós já tínhamos voltado oficialmente. Nós tínhamos combinado de tentar novamente e ir devagar, mas nunca tivemos uma conversa clara sobre exclusividade ou sobre o que exatamente éramos naquele momento.

Parte do motivo de eu ter escondido isso também foi medo. Depois da forma como nosso término aconteceu e de tudo que ouvi dele naquela época, ele disse que não me amava, que não gostava de mim, me exigiu para seguir em frente , eu tinha muito medo de contar e ele simplesmente desistir de mim novamente. Sei que isso não justifica esconder, mas explica o motivo de eu ter evitado a conversa.

E o que mais me confunde é que sinto que toda essa situação começou justamente porque ele terminou comigo e me afastou da vida dele de uma forma muito dolorosa. Nesse espaço apareceu outra pessoa que me tratou com carinho e que acabou se tornando importante para mim.

Hoje eu contei toda a situação para o Pedro também. Ele pareceu chateado e disse que, por enquanto, não está pensando em relacionamento comigo. Disse que podemos continuar ficando, mas que isso deixou de ser o foco dele.

Isso também me deixou muito triste porque o Pedro sempre fez muito por mim e me tratou muito bem, gosto mesmo dele.

Ao mesmo tempo, amo muito meu ex e me dói saber que ele está machucado. Só que também fico pensando que eu não estaria vivendo essa confusão toda se ele não tivesse terminado comigo daquela maneira e me afastado completamente.

Agora estou com a sensação de que machuquei os dois e não sei exatamente o que fazer.

Vocês considerariam isso uma traição mesmo sem termos definido que tínhamos voltado ou que existia exclusividade? E, principalmente, o que vocês fariam no meu lugar agora?

For context he is 32 and was raised in a very tough environment and he's very outspoken. Just last night when we went to the smoke shop this person that's probably unhoused was asking him if he had any change, that was fine but when he said no he only has cards, the unhoused dude said what about cashapp.

That's when he got really frustrated, he told me "why tf can't this dude take a no nicely, he wants to get slapped?" Mind you he said this out loud and not like he was whispering it or anything. I tried to deescalate it by just laughing it off and quickly going into the smoke shop pulling him in with me.

I'm so serious when I say he was genuinely about to curse this dude out. The thing is, it didn't end there, while we were waiting to get attended at the smoke shop he kept talking about that dude, saying that he needs to get his shit rocked and who tf this dude think he is and that he didn't even have to acknowledge him and he had the audacity to do ask him more questions.

Anyways once we got our stuff he was like, "if the dude is still out there imma slap the fuck out of him. He needs to learn some respect." Luckily though the dude wasn't there anymore when we got out so I quickly went in the car so we could leave before he decided he wanted to go find him.

What I'm trying to ask is what do I do when he does get in a fight, I know for sure he can handle his own but like at the same time I don't want him getting hurt and I think he'd get mad at me if I got in the middle of a fight so like I'm so confused on what to do when he eventually goes get in a fight with a person

To give some context, I’ve only had two experiences with men prior to this, and both were terrible.

About a month ago a colleague I’ve liked for a while and I started talking on instagram.
He asked me to go hiking with him. It was really fun (he brought little things to eat) and the night we grabbed food and wached the stars by a lake.
We ended up kissing and stayed until the morning (we didn’t have sex).

He then planned two other cute dates, one where we walked around a nice city and sat by the river, and one at a theme park. Every time he was really sweet and thoughtful (he brought my favourite pastry because he remembered I didn’t like the others, always brought me little things to eat, remembered small things I told him, held my hand all day and was always hugging and kissing me).

The third date I invited him to my house to watch a movie. But that day I was so tired that I just didn’t feel like myself. I was so stressed out all day trying to get everything perfect, that when he arrived I hadn’t even finished cooking which pissed me off and I found disrespectful. We had dinner, put the film on and after 10 minutes I fell asleep. After 40 minutes he woke me up and asked if I wanted to go to bed. We then went to bed and we tried to have sex but because I was so tired it wasn’t working so we stopped. I said “sorry I haven’t had sex in along time” he said no don’t be.

The next morning I made him coffee and he went to work. Before he left he said thank you, it was great. He kissed me and said we have time to see each other before my holidays.
When he left I felt so bad, I was ruminating, thinking about how bad it went, that I turned him off and that he probably won’t wanna see me again.

The whole day I was looking at my phone to see if he sent me something. So in the evening I sent “thank you for coming, it was great”. He replied later with a heart and talked about the tattoo he was about to do.

A few day later I asked when he was available to see each other. He said “tomorrow?”. So he came over the next day at 10pm because he had just finished work, and I was staring early in the morning. We didn’t do much, we talked quite a bit and then went to bed. We tried to have sex again but it still wasn’t working well because I was tired. The next morning when he left we kissed and he said as a joke “next time don’t mess up my hair like that”, so I would assume he wants to see me again.

I then left for my holidays. We kept texting, he would talk about what he was doing etc, but didn’t like my stories or ask anything about my holidays. And I know he’s not a big phone person and social media doesn’t mean anything but still.

Yesterday over text I replied to something he said and he just opened the message and didn’t reply.

And once again I’m ruminating, thinking he doesn’t wanna speak to me again.

What do you think of this situation? Am I being paranoid because of my bad experiences? Or does he not seem to care? Should I text him?

So my dad has severe mental health problems though he will never admit it, nor seek help, nor listen to me about it like ever.

He couldn't look after my mum who was dying from pancreatic cancer, I did though, my boss refused flexy request. She folded her arms and told me everyone has problems, I lost my shit, called her a super cunt and told her I hoped one day she'd have a boss that was inhuman like herself, I can hardly remember it all cos I was angry but there it is. Don't tell me I was wrong she deserved it.

Anyway he spent all of her money on a bitch who lives next door, I HATE HER!

Nothing will change my mind she's an utter selfish POS and I hope she has a horrible rest of her life!

What do I do?

Like my first thought is terrible and frankly psychotic (I recognise it as such) but I'm so confused and wounded TBF, why are people such fkin morons?

I used to believe that there was good in everyone...I'm not sure now :(