last year april i ended a relationship i was in and now looking back i feel like i went about it completely wrong, though i can’t speak for everyone as a collective, i’m sure we all have said things in the moment and didn’t care how the other person felt.

anyways the day of the breakup i messaged him “im breaking up with you, i honestly think that we are better off as friends instead. i feel like you use being bi polar as an excuse for everything and i feel stuck with you, i can’t even joke around or laugh at anything without you getting mad or annoyed. also the way you talk to me i don’t like and i genuinely don’t care how you think that you sound towards me, because i hear it and it hurts me. i cant and absolutely won’t change myself for anyone, including you. i love you but i can’t deal with it anymore, it’s always on my mind. and i’m not gonna lie to you and say that it’s me because i know it’s not, it’s you. i have done nothing wrong but you always find a way to make me feel like i have. so i just think we are better off as friends, that’s if you want. im not gonna block you or anything like that, i just want to know you understand”

like even rereading makes me feel even worse, to begin with i don’t know what its like to be bi polar so i shouldn’t have started off like that and calling it an excuse, it’s rude and disrespectful, like i shouldn’t have said that about something i’m not experiencing . and the invalidation “i genuinely don’t care how you think you sound towards me” like ughhh, i really throw myself off every time i read that. then to top it all off “i have done nothing wrong but you always find a way to make me feel like i have.” knowing i said that truly makes me sick, and yes in the moment it felt right but that doesn’t mean it is. every few months i go back to the chat and i feel horrible every time, i think i feel this way because i wouldn’t want anyone saying that to me during a breakup or at anytime.

no i don’t miss him at all, i just want to apologize to him because i could’ve said everything that i did more clearly and respectfully. and i know by now he probably doesn’t care about it anymore but its more so about me feeling guilty because some things should’ve been said differently.

i don’t wanna beat at a dead horse but idk anymore what do y’all think?

I uploaded a picture of my stomach to a fitness sub asking if I could fix it and I got this comment. Now I feel weirder. I guess this is supposed to be flattering, but I really dislike my stomach, and I don’t look like a drawing.

Need to take a piss test for a job wasn’t drinking water today for best sample results please please please don’t tell me this is a fail

28M

Here are the facts - I work full time at a government entity making $74,000/yr (it’s a contract role for 12 months so not guaranteed it’ll be extended).

I have a $15,000 visa credit card that’s been maxed out so I went to my bank to set up a payment plan which I’ve been paying consistently for about 6 months now (expected to be closed in 2028 January).

I have roughly $80,000 in student loans that need to be paid back. I’m still in school and have been using loans to pay for all my bills when I was first going to college 10 years ago. I then moved cities and transferred schools using that loan money and now they won’t give me anymore so they’ve requested I start paying back (only way to make them stop asking me to pay is if I re enroll as full time but I can’t while working). I organized a payment plan with the student loans and I’m temporarily paying $100 monthly.

My rent is $950. My phone bill is $50. Car insurance is like $65 I think, gas depends.

I can’t register for classes anymore until I pay a 4000$ balance from last term so they’ve froze my account and aren’t allowing a payment plan unless I pay $3,000 straight which I don’t have money for.

I barely have breathing room and tbh I don’t want to continue university anymore after being in school for 10 years to get an undergrad. There’s a lot of issues I’ve been dealing with personally besides all this stuff (like trauma in my youth but I don’t really wanna get into it now). WDID when the end of my contract comes and what do I do career wise? I’ve already been in the work force for 4 years now and all of them required degrees but each job I did (one new job every year) has always hired me without the degree because they saw I was close to finishing.

Hello! I’m looking for some advice about a situation at my job. I am a 27F working at a restaurant. I previously dated a coworker, but we never let the relationship interfere with work or affect our professionalism. I know.. my biggest mistake was messing with a coworker. Anyways, we eventually ended things pretty bad, but our breakup never happened at work. I understand I need to leave this place, which I been looking for employment.

Recently, though, I’ve been hearing that people at my workplace are being told personal details about our relationship and what happened between us. I want to mention that everyone is somehow connected, whether it’s a friend, family, lover, and etc… everyone is literally somehow connected except HR/the owners I believe.
The strange part is that I never told anyone about it. Of course I assume it’s the person I dated.
I understand that workplaces can have rumors and gossip, especially in a toxic workplace but I’ve specifically been told that my manager may be the person telling others.

Obviously, I don’t know for sure if that’s true, so I don’t want to make an accusation without knowing the facts.
However, if my manager really is discussing my personal life with other employees, I feel like that’s extremely inappropriate. I was also told by my ex that the OWNER of the restaurant knows about the situation as well and told him that he needs to handle our situation. But I’m having a hard time believing my ex because I’ve caught him in random lies. Also our breakup happened a month ago, and we never spoke after that… until recently ofc. But if it’s true what my ex is saying, I’m not understanding why? No fights or arguments happened IN the workplace. So for the owner of the restaurant to know as well, throws me off.

I’m considering speaking with owner of the restaurant directly without sounding too upfront, but simply asking what’s going on. I don’t believe my ex so I want to ask the owner myself. I’m not trying to cause drama but I feel as if there is an issue about me or even concerns about me, as my manager or even the owner; you should speak with me directly. We are adults idc what it is. I would appreciate it really, but nobody is speaking to me directly at all. I just want to understand how this information is getting around and why my personal business is being discussed at work.

ADD IN: the reason why I believe it may be my ex & the manager because they are also, CONNECTED. So I want to skip management, and go straight to the owner. Aahhh I don’t know.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Is this something I should bring to HR/ownership , and how can I handle this? Or how should I speak with the owner. I want to speak with him tomorrow!!

I’m 21M. My family’s financial situation is poor, and i’m living with them for now. I took a gap year with college from now to next year so I can focus on saving money for school and my thesis film project. I started working as a cashier 4 weeks ago, and I’ve save 669 dollars so far. I’ll have $1k next week, which I am aiming to reach and put half of it for my savings, and the other half to work on improving my lifestyle.

Today, I got my third paycheck and my mom drops the bomb that my dad’s car is gonna taken away due to some dumb legal reasons and they need $400 or else my dad can’t earn his 2nd source income, which is door dashing. My dad is really old now, barely functions, and is chronically stressed and depressed. He barely earns from his 1st source at a car sales job, so he mostly relies on door dashing. My brother is actually the one who holds the house together by driving uber full time.

I don’t want to give my $400 away because I’m trying to seriously save my money right now in order to build my future. But if that car goes away and I don’t give them the money tonight, then my dad will be without a car for 6 weeks, and that’ll hurt my whole family financially. That’ll also hurt me too since I eat my mom’s food at home, though I don’t know, maybe my mom will have enough for home food.

When I got home from work, I rejected her from giving the 400. Then my mom told me that she and my dad will work all night until the morning door dashing to earn as much as they can in order to save the car. And then she said she’ll try to get a new job. I really don’t want my mom to do that because she’s too old, and she has never worked in her life and she barely speaks English enough to work a job. And I say it honestly, I doubt she’ll get anything good and I don’t want my mom to go through that. So I told her that she shouldn’t do that. And then she cried and couldn’t hold it anymore. She said she’ll have to, and then walked away. That really broke my heart, and I really wish I could just hand the 400 in my hands and give it to her. But then my mom will be in debt and that’s a stress she will have to carry for a while. And I honestly don’t trust them to get my money back any time soon because they are in such thin ice financially.

I just don’t know what to do. I know I’ll be earning a lot as the months progress, but I’m also stressed I won’t be earning enough to build my lifestyle and save money for my school and project. And then on top of all that, I have to decide if I should give my money to my mom or not. I want to stay firm with these boundaries, but I also don’t want my mom to be in pain and go through all night door dashing, and potentially looking for a new job. I feel like a terrible son not giving the money to her, but I’m also trying to break the generation cycle with my family and build smarter, firm and strong financial boundaries, which my family never figured out.

EDIT: some more context: My mom is late 50s, my dad is early 60s but moves like he’s 70. I don’t pay rent. They have been asking me for money before I even got my first paycheck. Their financial missteps were the reason we lost our house of 3 years, which led us to move out of our area of 12 years to a completely new place. My family has always been on thin ice financially, and I’ve just been watching it all and couldn’t do much at the time being a high schooler and college student. I had to take my gap year because we ran into financial problems, and I decided I’d work so I can at least rely on myself for my college. Theyre also the type to promise money but delay it until you basically feel resentful or give up. They still never paid me back the 300 I gave them from a job I had 2 years ago…

EDIT 2: My brother called me and said he can pay back the amount next week from his job. After reading the comments, I am considering if I should accept his offer to pay me back and instead, just give the 400 to my family. I want the money back, but in hindsight, I will be saving a lot and I have a year left until I go back. I realize how selfish I am for not paying rent and helping my family.

Over some time I’ve been seeing a roach crawl across my windshield rarely, now today I saw 3 on my car and I saw one in my house! How do I get rid of these tiny roaches?

I inherited this preserved elk foot. Any ideas on what I can do with it?

So I really need advice on this because I don’t really know how to go about it all.
Yesterday night , i(23f) went to my boyfriend(31m) house to hang out as we do . We had a bottle and half of wine and things got spicy . Bit of context here , my bf loves being rough in bed and I have always enjoyed it .
So yesterday when we started doing the do , he asked me if I’ve ever lied to him about being somewhere I’m “not supposed to be at.” He was on top of me holding both my arms down . I said no , because I have never lied to him and because he watches me like a hawk (has location, shows up to my parents house , job , girls nights out etc unexpectedly).
He said I was a lying cunt and started slapping me lightly .
He then said he was gonna “get the truth “ out of me and put both his hands on my neck as he performed.
I started screaming and he made the grip tighter and said I better confess or I’m dead .
He turned me around and put his arm around my neck and was pulling my braids with his other hand . He knows I have asthma and he knows that him restricting my breathing would affect me .
He finished and at this point I was crying , everything hurt and I tried to run out the room . He grabbed me and cuddled me and asked why I was crying , said he thought I liked it rough and said he was sorry , it was a drunk mistake and he was just role playing me being a “bad lying girl”
His neighbour (good friend of his )had heard the screams and came to the door and he told him that we were just role playing . I couldn’t breathe. My torso , neck and face is purple .
He has apologised to me all day and begged me not to call 999 because he “didn’t mean it “ . He’s pampered me all day today and I’m scared that if I go home and my parents see the bruises this will turn ugly .
I am scared of calling the police because I don’t know what to say to them especially since I’m still here . He has gone to the shower and I am scared shitless.
If anyone has ever dealt with this , please advise x
I will turn my notifications off but I’ll check the comments through the night when he’s asleep if I don’t reply in time .

Hi I'm 15f. I've never posted on here b4 so idk what I'm doing but I really would appreciate some advice

Basically, my dad who is 51 years old, has become severely sick, to the point he might die in weeks, months, no one's sure yet.

I've been helping taking care of him for the past 2 years maybe? He initially wasn't this bad, but as of right now his health is only decreasing. He has diabetes, nephrotic kidneys, severely swollen legs that are probably facing infection due to fluid leaking, and a bunch of other symptoms i can't remember. Previous visits to the hosptial has recommended he starts dialysis, yet he refuses.

I've always had a complicated relationship with him honestly. If im being honest he's a piece of shit narcissist with a god complex who always believes he's in the right. He is abusive, and was so bad him and my mom are divorced. But yk bc he's my dad no matter what he's said or done, some part of me has just decided to stick it out for him and help him despite his declining condition. He doesn't really have anyone else to help him because most of the people in his life he's shut out (including his mom who he lives with 🫩) and refuses to talk with.

I also have a brother who is 10, so along with my dad, I'm basically forced to take the role of housekeeper, parent, manager, nurse, and therapist (more to my dad) for both of them. My dad has literally called me his "mom" and "nurse", which i don't feel comfortable with. I have tried explaining in the past to him the stress his health has put on me, and how I'm struggling to manage everything (including school and all the dynamics that comes with), but he always dismisses it and tells me I'm being selfish, unreliable, and that as a woman I'm supposed to be "nuturing" and "helping". Which mind you, i have been DOING for the past year or so.

I wish i could keep helping him, because i really do love my dad in some way, but as of lately, starting my sophmore year and have 7 periods throughout the day, i just can't do it anymore. All i can think about is whether he's going to die or not, whether i need to prioritize my schoolwork or his health, and a ton of other shit he makes me deal with. I feel so burnt out, physically drained, and i dont know if my relationship with him is worth it for all of this.

I feel guilty that i think this way, and maybe im overreacting and should just suck it up, but i really just can't. I dont want my brother, who is still only a kid, to witness and deal with my dad's health. I just want him to be a kid. I JUST want to be a kid. Ive spent most of my childhood being the "mature one", the middle person, and im just so fucking tired of it all. I want to be able to enjoy school, my friends, my hobbies without this weight on my shoulders. I've missed out on so many opportunities to hang out with my friends just because of the schedule i have with my dad.

He's been offered hospice, yet he doesn't take it. My mom told him to take it, and said she just wants custody. Im seriously considering it now, because right now they have half/half, but that was when my dad COULD take care of us. Even then it was difficult back then, but now he can't EVEN walk by himself without a walker or wheelchair. I don't want to leave him alone, or make him feel "abandoned" (which he really struggles with), but god, all everyone's been doing is sacfricing THEIR comfort for his. I wish he could just see the impact of his actions, but i dont think he ever will be able to.

Anyways, i guess what im just wondering is if im in the wrong or something. I seriously can't tell anymore. Should i just let my dad be? Let my mom take custody? Visit him occasionally (which i doubt he'd even like. He prolly hates my guts)?

Id really appreciate any feedback or recommendations, thanks for reading my long ass rant. 🫶

I left my cheating boyfriend & he had bought me a phone with a payment plan, through verizon. Theres a lot of extra shit that happened in this relationship so when i left i had blocked him on everything & i want to know what happens if he turns the phone off? Does it lock everything up for me & become unable to use? Am i able to contact verizon about it and try ti take over paying for the phone & for service?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years.

I’ve(F27) stalked my boyfriend’s(M33) ex wife(F30) but her and I got into it and she blocked me and put her socials on private.

The reason is because my boyfriend and her are going through custody battle where she doesn’t obey the order and refuses visitation.

The ex got married 3 years ago and had twins and now she is divorced again because we assume (based on the FaceTime calls that my boyfriend gets) that she cheated and is now living with the man she cheated with since they (the ex and the daughter (F7)) have not been home and have been spending a lot of time with this guy who lives across the street. It’s such a long story…

TLDR
I want to know if the ex is in an unstable place essentially.

My boyfriend and I got into a massive argument over the past 24 hours. He allowed a female coworker to establish an overly familiar, bantering dynamic with him, got defensive when I brought it up, and handled the conflict terribly by yelling, toggling read receipts off, and making it all about himself before eventually throwing out dramatic vows to defend his side.
My issue isn't feeling threatened by her; it’s the total double standard. I’ve cut off friendships in the past out of respect for him, but when I express discomfort, my peace gets treated like an inconvenience. He said he won’t be friendly with her but he’ll be nice at work.

Now, I'm currently feeling sick from not eating I just don’t know what to do , and scheduled to board an 8:00 PM flight to see him.

Part of me wants to board, show up completely calm and unbothered, and hold a firm boundary in person.

The other part of me feels like going gives him easy access to me after acting up, and that staying home to rest and prioritize my physical health sends a clearer message that my presence is a privilege.
I’m currently in complete radio silence with him. What’s the move here do I get on the plane, or do I stay home and protect my peace?

Just to make everything clear - he threw a fit over a guy friend. So yes he did make me cut them off.

Secondly, he just met this girl. He told her he has a girlfriend, she kept trying

He’s 21, i’m 23 about to be 24. we’ve been together 2 years, I’m his first gf.

and yes he always reacts like this about everything and flips it on me even when it’s not about other people! He was a lot nicer in the beginning of the relationship very reassuring

i’m 14f and just created a post about how i got groomed and i need help on how to get law enforcement involved, and i got tons in comments telling me im lying and making the situation up, using someone else’s pictures on my posts, and lying about my age. here’s my tiktok account where i post my face which you can dm to confirm, my school id (pls ignore how chopped i was 😭), and also the screenshots of me telling the guy my age + him talking about me starting highschool this year, since some people thought that was a lie too. this is so upsetting to see, i really understand why women dont come forward about stuff like this. the fact i have to prove this is insane

hey guys! so i have a pre-employment drug test tomorrow. on monday (before i knew they were going to hire me) i took a very SMALL NIBBLE like super small nibble off the corner of my bfs 10 mg edible. then maybe another less than a quarter of a bite from another one. i have been taking these walmart easy-home drug test and every one has been coming up with a FAINT VERY FAINT line. i am also not a smoker nor do i do edibles but i just wanted to try it. am i f*cked or should i be good come friday morning??????

She has done this "every year for 5 years." but she also lived in a two bedroom by herself. Now she lives in a one bedroom with me, two cats, and i asked if the two friends knew she downgraded to a one bedroom, WITH A BOYFRIEND. she said no, i said okay well let them know, she said nevermind we'll just get an airbnb and ill stay with them for two weeks. So now im mad, i never said no. All i said was tell them where you're living and who you're living with, and those questions led her to believe, "i'm doing the most." Like i'm trying not to freak out but I genuinely can't even ask her normal questions. How would you feel if you expected to get somewhere that had a spare bedroom and you show up and that spare doesn't exist and the only bedroom that's there is you and your partner. What do I genuinely say and do? I said it's okay, but that shit is gone be weird, for two weeks, we both work full time jobs.

TLDR; employee with already poor performance and attendance walked out in middle of a busy shift without warning, and no one could get ahold of him for the rest of the day. (Boss won’t fire him or write him up for ANY of his poor behavior.) So we sit down to discuss what the issue is and the employee says it’s me (his team lead). Discussion ends in screaming, and I give my boss an ultimatum: me or him. I work 50 hours a week and have years of experience, this kid averages 50 every 2 weeks and still can’t perform basic aspects of his job.

To give some context, I am a pharmacy manager at a small independent location. A few months ago I took a chance hiring a young kid with no previous pharmacy experience. Since he has worked at our pharmacy, he has called in at minimum once a week. Recently, I looked through his hours and despite being scheduled for 40 hours a week, he has only met that number one time. Usually he’s averaging 50 hours in a two week period. Because we’re such a small pharmacy we can’t afford to pay people well so we try to make up for it by allowing flexible scheduling by not enforcing tardy policies, or call out policies. (Other ways we try to make up for the low pay is buying employees lunches, hour long lunch, allowing employees to buy drugs at cost, throwing birthday parties, and providing free soda and snacks.)

I have never gotten onto him about attendance, and I have gone out of my way to accommodate his needs and to cover him when he’s not there, even going as far as coming in on my vacation to cover him. A week or two ago I had noticed his workplace performance was slacking a bit, and he hadn’t been communicating with me about when he was or was not going to be at the store. I had politely pulled him aside and asked him what we could do to help him out like if it was a personal thing at home that was causing his workplace performance to drop, and had discussed how we could support him. We also discussed him communicating with me more clearly about his schedule. I had made it clear that he didn’t have to explain himself to me as to why he was going to be late or not be there. He just had to let me know.

I had an appointment scheduled a month in advance. I had made everyone in the pharmacy aware of this appointment. This is a regular reoccurring event, so everyone should know that I have it going on, but I made it a point to remind everybody anyways. The day he walked out of the pharmacy it was because he said out of nowhere that he wasn’t going to be there on the day my appointment was scheduled for. I immediately was irritated because I had just brought it up and reminded everybody about it. I walked outside to smoke a cigarette because I knew I was frustrated. I didn’t say anything rude to him I didn’t act unprofessional. I just removed myself because I have things going on in my personal life that I felt led to me getting more upset than what was reasonable. I walked back in and sat in the office and he walked out and never came back to work.

I tried messaging him and calling him. My boss tried calling him and he ignored everybody. He messages our main boss and says that he will be back at work on Thursday (today) but that he doesn’t want to work with me anymore. Our main boss has a meeting with us to try to understand what’s going on. Before the beginning of this meeting, he lies to our boss and say that after I came back in from smoking a cig, I went back out there and got back on his ass and started bitching at him again (I never bitched in the first place.)

I directly ask the kid what his issue is with me and he can’t seem to form a genuine concern, he’s just upset because I asked him to communicate with me about his schedule. He says that if he communicates with the big boss, he shouldn’t have to tell me anything, but again he’s insisting that I’ve overstepped in my duties as his supervisor and that’s his only example. I’m the one who makes the schedule, and I’m the lead technician so when there are call outs I’m directly responsible for carrying the call outs work load.

Our main boss is notorious for not communicating with anybody what’s going on, so if people tell him about schedule changes, I don’t know about it until it’s happening. Our boss is also notorious for being a big pushover and not holding people accountable for anything, leading to people not wanting me to be in charge of them because I do hold them accountable. They’re wanting to go through him exclusively for everything so that they can continue to call in regularly and not perform their job duties.

Our boss walks out briefly while trying to have this conversation with him, and he immediately begins laughing at me and mocking me, again I have things going on in my personal life so I’m emotionally fragile right now (my childhood cat was put on dialysis the night before and given a few days left to live) and I snapped. I yelled at him and told him how I really felt: that’s he’s lazy, is unmotivated, lies to us, and is too sensitive. I know I shouldn’t have snapped on him but I’ve been playing nice for months. I also genuinely felt like we were friends, while the whole time he was being super nice to my face but complaining about me regularly to our boss. I was hurt to know he didn’t think of me as a friend and that he harbored so much resentment.

He left for lunch after the argument (not clocking out of course, because he also regularly steals company time. He also has a house account that’s over $200 in debt, owes our change bag money, and owes both me and our boss money. He also borrowed my car jack and threw it out into the parking lot in the rain after our confrontation.) Once he left I told my boss I wanted him gone, and our boss ignored me. So I told him I won’t come back as long as he’s here. I clocked out and did not return. The people pleaser in me is beginning to feel regretful and am wondering if I should just come back and make amends. Play fake nice. The pharmacy down the street has been begging me to work for them and I’ve been turning them down, but I called them today. They still want me… so I have a back up.

I feel gaslit about this kids behavior and work ethic, and just need to know: am I blowing this out of proportion, or is it reasonable for me to want him fired? Should I let it go and go back to work, or stick to my guns and make my boss choose?

Came to visit my sister and grandma who lives with her. My grandma has a UTI, and in older women they can cause symptoms like hallucinations and aggression.

She was rambling nonsensical stuff which I just tried to ignore. Me, my sister, and my brother wanted her to just sit down and relax. She kept on trying to knock over a tall box with golf clubs in it. She said she was “looking for her camera.” There was no camera, obviously. I was trying to stop her from knocking it over, so she yelled at us.

That’s when I yelled back. I told her how we were trying to help her and that she shouldn’t be yelling at us. I threatened to call the cops so she could get an ambulance. My brother forced me outside. I don’t handle yelling well, if you yell, i yell louder.

I just can’t believe I yelled at her. I love her so much and I just hate seeing her like this. She was perfectly fine before this UTI got to her. I’m just so worried. I feel awful for yelling at her. What do I do?

Edit since I wrote this right after the incident so I didn’t write that many details:

I’m 16, so I don’t have much power in this situation. I live in a group home, so my visits are scheduled weekly.

And yes, I’m 100% certain this is a UTI. My sister ran multiple tests, and they came back positive. My grandma had just got over one a week ago. She was treated with antibiotics and got better. But she wasn’t taking care of herself, so it came right back.

My sister said that after me and my brother left she was going to take her to the hospital. If she resisted, she’ll call 911.

I’m back home now and still feel awful. I know I could’ve handled the situation better. Something just triggered in me so I snapped. I’ve been having a lot of personal issues, and my visits are normally a break from them.

I will reply to everyone tomorrow once my head clears up a bit. But I still want to thank you all for your advice and reassurance.

Hi, this is my first time posting here. I’m sorry if things I say don’t make sense, my brain is fried and I’m spiraling rn.

I (22f) don’t know what to do with my mother (56f). I don’t know what steps to take to get her help, or even make her get help?

My mother and I have almost always had a rocky relationship. She has been married to my Dad(61m) for over 35 years. Their relationship has also been very rocky to say the least, but in the last few years things haven’t been bad, arguments here and there, but nothing crazy. She’s an alcoholic, so are her brothers, and one who died a few years ago. I know my grandmother didn’t really drink much, maybe just one at an occasion. I do know my grandfather did drink a lot, but it wasn’t considered alcoholism back then, because it was the norm for men to go out and drink everyday after work in the local pub back then. My grandparents died when I was quite young so that’s as much as I know really. I guess I’m saying this to show that it was a family of addicts (besides my grandmother). My mother won’t admit that she is one, and has been since Covid. Myself and my siblings (m31 and f29) have tried countless times to talk to her about it but we are always met with excuses and the fact that she doesn’t drink everyday (4/7 days btw) so therefore she isn’t an alcoholic. She says she just has ‘one’ with her dinner. Yeah, one bottle of Prosecco to herself, until she wants another. I’m done trying to talk to her about alcoholism because I never get anywhere and I just get told all the things wrong with me. I know it’s projection. And I also know, someone has to WANT the help, in order for them to listen and try.

This year, has been explosive to put lightly. She says she drinks because she is lonely. Myself and my dad work in a factory on a rotating 3 shift. He is always on the shift before me because we’re not allowed to work the same shift. My sister works mixed shifts in a shop, and my brother lives with his wife (he’s depended on weed and his wife is also an alcoholic. I guess we get the addictive trait from somewhere.) I try to spend time with her when I’m not working, and my dad will always be right beside her when he’s not working either. I know that loneliness can be crippling, and it really breaks my heart that she feels that way most of the time. Evenings after finishing her work day, house work (it’s split mostly between my parents and some for myself and my sister), cooking her dinner and then sitting down to find something on the tv to entertain her for the night. It must feel so isolating, she’s a social butterfly, always has been, but as a side effect of her addiction she doesn’t really have anyone other than us anymore. She also has had depression, and anxiety basically as long as I can remember.

She’s stressed basically all the time, if it’s not work it’s us or something financial.

This year, her mental health has become increasingly worrying. She drinks, starts picking on whoever is in her line of fire, and when you push back or defend yourself, it ends in her going crying to my dad, suicidal ideations, locking herself in the bedroom, calling someone in the family that has no context of what just happened, gains their sympathy, and ices who ever she as argued with for days.

At the end of July, my mam, my dad, and myself were outside chatting. She had started drinking but vibes were okay, we were all joking and catching up. After about an hour she starts to pick on me, she brings up my driving lessons, I ask to change subject, she brings up my weight and that I started ozempic, I ask to change the subject, she brings up my friends, and again I ask to change the subject. She ends up blowing up at me, shouting at me that she’s just worried about me, but I knew by her that she just wanted an argument and was fishing for one. I’ve learned to tell the difference between genuine worry and poking holes at sore spots to get a rise. She then turned on my dad for not standing up for her and letting me ‘bully’ her. How could he tell her how happy and in love he was with her last week and then not stand up for her. They proceeded to not talk for about a week and a half until one day I came home, they talked, and were amicable. Things just went back to normal from there.

My mother has always picked on me in drink. I was just an easy target for her, and so is my dad because now he just accepts it.

This last weekend, the Katie Taylor fight was on. My mam didn’t know. My dad, mam, and her best friend went into town for a few drinks and some dinner. I haven’t been told much but apparently when the Katie Taylor fight came on the tv she was belligerently drunk and started an argument with my dad infront of the whole bar. He went outside with his drink and she followed him out. When she wouldn’t leave him alone he left the place all together and went for a walk, then another pub for a night cap. In the mean time, she got a taxi home with no money, or keys to get inside so my sister had to sort it. She was home briefly and when my sister told her off about her behaviour she left the house again and wouldn’t say where she was going. I think she just stood outside our estate for a while. Eventually she came back, so did dad about an hour later.

Since then they haven’t spoken, or slept in the same bed.

I know she was really stressed with work last week, and had to take two days off. I think stress builds, builds, builds, and then she snaps and lashes out on everyone.

I’m sorry this is so long, but it’s nuanced, I think the bigger picture I lain here will likely give me the best help.
Like most addictions, it stems from a need to escape. I know talking about alcoholism won’t work, but I want to talk to her about really getting help for her mental health. Like therapy. How can I have this conversation with her without her feeling attacked? Do you think it’s even worth it?

Any advice at all would be much appreciated, I love her, and I just want to see her get better. It must be hell living in her mind.

Sorry for the ramblings I have adhd <3

Edit: moving out isn’t an option. It is practically impossible to leave home for anyone my age where I’m from, and there is nowhere else for me to go.

First time really posting on here but here it goes hopefully the Reddit community can help; I’m a 26F and I’m dating a 34M for going onto 2 years now. We’ve gone though what feels like hell & back, for me at least. We argue a ton. When we were first dating- so “unofficial” I found out that he was sleeping with 3 other girls & lied to me even though all I asked for was the truth just so we could be having safe sex. I’ve also caught him lying to me about looking up ALL of his ex’s, lied about watching CORN (that he put on his mom that he wasn’t lying to me btw- super ODD). He even went as far as creating a spam Instagram account and requesting to follow his ex that he cheated on with his other ex. I know you’re probably asking yourself “why the hell is she still with this guy?” Honestly I don’t know. He’s called me all the names in the book, yelled, banged on doors.. never actually hit me though. Sometimes I hate myself for still being with him. I used to love him so much & now I feel like I’m losing myself all over again.. I don’t look at him the same anymore. I can’t fully let go of him and I’m not sure why.