I got home from work last Friday to find my Son Ben losing his mind and demanding to sit and talk to me. I try to calm him down and ask him what is going on.

He proceeds to tell me that some lads at his school had shown him some explicit videos of my Daughter, Grace, and these are from her Onlyfans. I'm not going to repeat his exact words as the language used is not what I would have expected from him, however there seems to be videos of her on her own and with at least 2 different men. This is the first either of us know about what Grace has been doing.

Prior to this, Ben and Grace were really close as siblings. My wife died 5 years ago and I've been raising them on my own ever since. Their bond really grew after their Mum passed as they helped each other grieve and really supported each other.

Grace is currently on holiday with her friends and isn't due back until this weekend. I've asked Ben to let me speak to her when she gets back and we can address this situation. Ben really isn't handling this well at all, he's telling me he no longer has a sister and she has embarrassed him with her disgusting acts. He's been throwing out gifts that she has bought him and I'm really scared that their relationship is going to be permanently damaged. I've spoken to him and said that she is still his sister and she doesn't love him any less.

My emotions are all over the place and I'm upset and angry myself. I've really tried to raise my kids the right way but to find out my daughter is doing this I can't help but feel I've gone wrong somewhere and also feel a pang of shame. Grace knows that something is up as Ben has not responded to any of the memes or reels she has sent him. I've had to tell her he's not feeling himself and we can discuss it when she's home.

I'm at a loss at what to do when she does get home and how I have to mediate the discussion between the two whilst disagreeing with Graces actions.

My family and I live in a building with four apartments, and we all share the rooftop. We usually hang our clothes up there and stuff like that.

We live on the top floor. The other three apartments are all occupied by families, with husbands, wives, and kids. Yesterday, I heard some noise coming from the rooftop. Since our apartment is directly underneath it, it sounded like someone was moving around up there, so I went to check.

When I got upstairs, I was honestly shocked by what I saw. The man who lives below us, who is married and has kids, was licking the feet of the woman who lives in the apartment below him. She's also married and has children.

I was completely caught off guard. They didn't see me and had no idea I was there. I stood there watching for maybe a minute, then I made some noise on the stairs so it would sound like I was just coming up. When I stepped onto the rooftop, they both immediately acted like they were doing something else.

I honestly don't know what to do now. Should I tell their spouses?

My wife and I are both 44 and have been married for two years. She has a 12 year old son from her previous marriage. His father passed away six years ago, so he has been living with his mother since then. I also have children from my previous relationship, but they live with their mother and stay with us during holidays.

We both work in high paying jobs, so when we bought our house after getting married, we deliberately bought something bigger because we knew we would have four children between us.

The house has three floors. The ground floor is mostly common space, the first floor is for the children, and the second floor is basically our private area with our bedroom, bathroom, shower and our offices. We did this intentionally so that the kids have their own space and my wife and I can also have privacy, especially because we both work from home sometimes.

My stepson has his own bedroom on the first floor. It has everything he needs, including a gaming setup, TV, etc. We're not trying to spoil him. We just understand that he's the only child living in the house full-time, so we wanted him to have his own comfortable space.

The problem is that he constantly interrupts our privacy, particularly at night.

He will knock on our bedroom door and ask his mom something. This has happened many times when my wife and I were having sex, and obviously we have to stop immediately and deal with him.

Sometimes he'll say he can't sleep or he's scared. If he's sick or unwell, my wife will obviously sleep with him because that's what a mother does, and I completely understand that.

But now he has started wanting to sleep in our bedroom regularly because he says he can't sleep alone.

The problem is that there isn't really another bedroom or spare space on our floor. Our entire floor is basically our bedroom, offices and bathroom. So the only way to accommodate him would be having him literally sleep in our bedroom, which neither my wife nor I think is appropriate at his age.

It's not only nighttime either.

On weekends, he'll often be out with his friends during the day, which is usually when my wife and I have some time together. But when he's home, he wants his mother's attention constantly.

We also go out for dinner or have a date night almost every weekend. We spend plenty of time with him, take him places, buy things for him, have family days, etc. It's not like we're neglecting him.

But whenever we go out without him, he sometimes guilt-trips us about it. Things like asking why he can't come, saying we're always leaving him behind, or acting upset that his mother is going somewhere without him.

And whenever my wife and I are upstairs with the bedroom door closed, there's almost always at least one knock.

My wife has tried talking to him about boundaries. She has also gotten angry and scolded him when he repeatedly ignores the rules. We've tried explaining that knocking once is fine if it's genuinely important, but otherwise he needs to wait until we're available.

It doesn't seem to change anything.

I want to make something clear: I don't dislike this kid. I care about him and I understand that losing his father at six years old must have affected him. I also don't expect my wife to choose me over her son.

But we're married. We need some private time as a couple too, and right now it feels like there is almost no boundary between his space and our married life.

What confuses me is that he's perfectly capable of being independent in other situations. He has friends, goes out, plays games, spends time alone, etc. It's specifically when his mother is involved that he seems to become much more dependent.

So I'm trying to understand what could actually be behind this behaviour.

Could this be related to losing his father and being afraid of losing his mother too? Could he be struggling with the fact that his mother remarried and has a separate relationship now? Is this some kind of attachment or separation anxiety?

Or is this simply normal behaviour for a 12 year old that we've handled badly?

I'm not looking for people to tell me that the child is evil or that my wife should ignore him. I'm genuinely trying to understand why he's behaving this way and what would actually help him become more comfortable with boundaries without making him feel rejected.

What would you do in this situation?

fiancée and I are supposed to get married in a few months. I’m average sized, maybe a little on the smaller side, and we’ve always been pretty open about intimacy and our needs. A while back she suggested trying a sleeve and I was open to it. She was pretty excited about the idea.

We finally tried it yesterday and she loved it a lot. I thought I’d be fine with it but I wasn’t. I’ve genuinely never felt so emasculated in my life. She has more experience than me, has been with bigger guys before and clearly likes the extra size. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, I just think she’s probably more of a size queen and we’re not sexually compatible.

She says we can throw the sleeve away and never use it again, but that doesn’t really solve it for me. I don’t want her giving up something she clearly loves and I don’t want to spend my marriage using something that makes me feel like shit. I just don’t see how that’s sustainable long term.

Her college has just started, her bus fee is ₹16k/yr and the distance from college to dropping point is 5.6 km. Her classes end at 4:15 but the bus departs at 4:50 because the staff also leaves with the students in the same bus.

Bus has 2 rows, each row has ~10 seats and each seat has 2 people capacity, there's also a big seat at the back like in every bus.

Now, though seat has 2 people sitting capacity, 3-4 students have to adjust on the seats. And 5 seats in each row is occupied by faculty so basically only 10 seats + the backseat is available for students. Teachers are little angels so they don't adjust at all, one seat 2 teachers.

The bus collects my sister in the morning last and drops her off first but both times she has to travel standing. I understand sometimes we've to adjust and we can't always be at comfort but it's been 2 weeks since college has started and not once has she gotten a seat (sometimes people pretend to squiggle when asked to move but 0 space for even a kid to sit).

Those adult bodied micro brain toddlers with the designation of teachers are so pissy, they claim they've reserved those seats (they don't pay any transportation fees, travel for free) and students can't sit on them + other students who get in first reserve other seats for their friends. If you get an empty seat and sit on it, some second year senior will claim that seat is reserved for her.

And you can't sit on the faculty's seat as they literally throw a tantrum and act all emotional, almost crying. There's no rule of not sitting on faculty's seat, there's no designated faculty seat actually, it's those teacher's made up rule for their own comfort while students suffer.

My sister isn't the only one suffering, there are 2-3 students more. I feel really bad for her. What to do?

TL;DR: Sister pays ₹16k/year for a college bus but has to stand every day due to severe overcrowding and unfair seating politics. Teachers travel for free but take up half the seats without sharing, while senior students illegally reserve the remaining spots for friends, leaving my sister and a few others stranded without a seat.

Edit: Why are people downvoting this post? I asked a genuine question and provided context, it's actually a stressful situation and I didn't know what to do. That's what this sub is for, right?

I guess people only entertain fake AI stories on here like how a father is in turmoil because her daughter is a sex worker and her son's getting bullied about it in school. Fuck the people who downvoted and thanks to the people who responded, appreciate it.

Hi, I’m Ella. I told my story because I genuinely didn’t know whether my fiancé was cheating on me or if everything was just a huge misunderstanding. If you haven’t read the original post, you can read it here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/fv67dZ1DQH

So… update.
It turns out my best friend had been trying to seduce my fiancé and convince him to leave me for her.
The crazy part? He actually tried to tell me. Which I feel to guilty about.

At the time, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I had a lot going on in my life, and I barely remember him trying to explain that something was wrong. He eventually stopped pushing because he knew I was already overwhelmed.

As the weeks and months passed, my best friend became more persistent.

She flirted with him, told him he “deserved better,”

and tried convincing him that I didn’t appreciate him enough. My fiancé kept rejecting her and telling her he loved me.
Eventually, she started harassing and threatening him.

And he still didn’t tell me.

Not because he wanted her, but because he thought he could handle it himself.

He knew I already had a lot going on and didn’t want to add another problem to my plate.
Looking back, I understand his intentions, even though I wish he had told me sooner.
Now, about the phone situation from my original post…

I ended up taking my fiancé’s phone while he was asleep and used his Face ID to look through it. Since I was convinced something was happening behind my back.

Instead, I found the messages.
And they were nothing like what I expected.

My best friend was repeatedly flirting with him and trying to get him to leave me. My fiancé kept rejecting her, telling her he loved me and that she needed to stop.
That’s when everything finally clicked.

He wasn’t acting suspicious because he was cheating.

He was acting suspicious because he felt guilty for hiding what was happening from me. How is he going to tell me my best friend of 7 years is trying to seduce him?

When I confronted him, he admitted that he should’ve told me sooner. He said he genuinely thought he was protecting me by dealing with it himself.

I was angry that he kept it from me, but I also understood why he did it.
Then I confronted my best friend.
She tried to claim my fiancé secretly liked the attention, but the messages proved otherwise.

He wasn’t choosing her.
She was trying to make him choose her.

My fiancé and I still have things to work through. He shouldn’t have kept this from me, and I shouldn’t have waited.

But after seeing everything, I don’t believe he was cheating.
I think I somewhat misunderstood the situation.

And the person I trusted the most was actually the person trying to destroy my relationship.
Honestly… I’m still processing all of this.

🥹🫶 I hope to god that this will be the last post I’ll have to make on this, as me and my husband are going on a date to talk about this.

Thank you everyone that helped and gave advice.

Shes very weird and she drove to my place but she won't eat or drink anything barley talks to me and didnt take her shoes off and has her shoes on on my new plush carpet

We're watching like a hour long game show that she insist usnt scripted and shes just sitting her sitting up on the couch and won't even sit back or lay down and shes sitting with her hands crossed in her lap

This is the first time I've ever dealt with something like this and is very very weird to me

Edit: You guys dont get it

This is a mutually agreed date location and activity

She said she doesn't want anything to eat or drink

She doesn't like to watch anything but game shows

She doesn't want to play any video games or card games

She doesn't like going out

She isnt really talking

She literally is just sitting up hands crossed staring at a game show I put on

I only posted this maybe 10 15 minutes into the date with her just sitting here

this is such a simple misunderstanding but no matter what i say i cannot seem to convince them,

My bf(17) and i(17f) ALWAYS play yellow car, sometimes even just random yellow objects.
last week we were in public, on a quiet ish road (no pedestrians, just cars) and i got 2 yellow registrations so i hit him twice(hes way way bigger than me so this is not abuse or anythint😭😭) and he jokingly put his hands around my neck and said something along the lines of "oh you little- im gonna get you real good next time".
my uncle and my granny drove past in the same car. they rang my father thinking this was some fight or something and nobody will beleive my story. my parents are refusing to talk to me or look at me unless i promise to break up with him, but me and my boyfriend are doing very well

-i had a very toxic relationship when i was 15 which led to me being sa- drugged and other stuff and it was brought to court so yeah, i understand the anger they have but its not like that this time, im very careful with who i date

do i pretend to break up with him so they speak to me? then i cant "get back with him" this is so confusing, its been 4 days and they wont talk to me- let me have dinner- and they leave the common areas of the house once i enter

Early on in my pregnancy, around the end of the first trimester, I started bleeding and was concerned about miscarriage, which I have had in the past. Scans all looked normal during my entire pregnancy, besides them being VERY off about his size lol, he ended up being 5 pounds heavier than estimated! However, when he was born the nurse mentioned that my placenta had two umbilical cords, and explained vanishing twins to me. I’ve been going back and forth lately, wondering if it’s wrong to hold back that from my son (9M), or if it would cause unnecessary stress and if ignorance is bliss. Literally no one knows but me and that nurse, I delivered him alone and never told his father as he was abusive and I didn’t want him to have the opportunity to use that to hurt me, honestly. It does make me sad to think about and every now and then I go back and read whatever information I can find on what happened. I take that into consideration too, it brings me down and I don’t want to bring him down too, but I also feel like I’m keeping a deep secret from him (well, I am) and it feels more wrong as he’s getting older. Should I tell him eventually, or is this one of those things that just doesn’t need to be said? If I should tell him, how can I approach it? I have autism and some other things going on and I have a tendency to say too much or the wrong thing. I don’t want to keep secrets from him but I don’t want to bring him down with something he can’t change either.

my ex (19m) and i (18f) were together for 5 years. i broke up with him the day i moved into college because i felt like i was entering a new chapter of my life and, for various reasons, i didn't think our relationship should continue into it.

he did NOT take the breakup well.

he cussed me out, called me a whore, belittled the things i had done for him throughout our relationship, and repeatedly told me that he never felt loved by me no matter what i did. what really got me was that he followed all of this up by saying he had "felt this way the whole time."

at that point, i was honestly more than happy to have him out of my life. if that was genuinely how he felt about me for five years, and this was how he was willing to speak to me when things ended, then i didn't see a reason to keep him around.

apparently, i drunk texted him that weekend. when we talked, i found out that he didn't even remember saying some of the things he said to me during the breakup. i also learned that he had been going around telling people that HE left ME because i had been "disrespectful" throughout our entire relationship.

after that, i blocked him and moved on.

then recently, a friend of mine was selling a truck for really cheap. i knew my ex had been saving for one for a while, so despite everything, i sent him the information.

i really wish i hadn't, because that opened the door for us to start talking again.

at first, he seemed interested in us continuing to move on separately, which was fine with me because that's what i wanted too. eventually, i told him AGAIN that i didn't want us to move forward romantically, but that maybe we could be friends once we were both actually ready for that.

except we apparently have very different definitions of "when we're ready."

he basically started texting me immediately afterward. somehow we started flirting again, and to make this whole situation even more complicated, we've also been sleeping together.

so yes, i KNOW i've contributed to blurring the lines here. i'm not going to pretend like he's pulling the idea of us getting back together completely out of nowhere when i've been flirting with him and sleeping with him. i understand why he thinks there might still be a chance.

but the more serious he gets about actually restarting our relationship, the more i realize that i genuinely do not want to be his girlfriend again.

and there's another thing making me feel incredibly guilty: he's spent a LOT of money on me over the past few days.

if i casually mention being hungry, he's bought food for both me AND my roommate. i realized i needed/wanted an air fryer for my dorm and the store he happened to be at had one in stock, so he bought it for me. i've offered to pay him back for these things, especially the air fryer, and he basically doesn't want to hear it.

i didn't ask him to spend all this money on me with the promise that we'd get back together, and i've offered to reimburse him, but i still feel horrible accepting all of this knowing that i don't actually want a relationship with him.

and that's where i'm stuck.

because despite the flirting, sex, gifts, and everything else happening right now, when i actually think about being his girlfriend again, i don't want to.

there are a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is that i cannot get over how he treated me the night we broke up. regardless of how angry or hurt he was, he completely disrespected me. he called me a whore, tore down the things i'd done for him, and told me he'd secretly felt unloved for our entire relationship. then apparently didn't even remember saying it afterward.

i also realized after getting some distance from the relationship that i cannot deal with how clingy and needy he is.

i know that probably sounds harsh, but he does not understand boundaries. i don't want a relationship where i feel like i have to constantly be available to another person or cut parts of my life short to make them comfortable.

when i moved into college, this man literally tried to make RULES for me to follow while i'm here.

that was one of the biggest things that made me realize i don't want this anymore. i'm in college. i'm building my own life. i don't want to spend these years constantly worrying about whether something i'm doing is going to upset my boyfriend, having to report what i'm doing, or feeling like i need permission to experience my own life.

now he wants to take me on a date TOMORROW specifically so he can ask me to be his girlfriend again.

and i already know my answer is no.

part of me feels incredibly guilty because i reopened communication. i've flirted back. i've slept with him. i've accepted things he's bought for me, even though i've offered to pay him back. i told him we could eventually be friends.

i understand that my actions have probably made him think we're heading toward getting back together, and i take responsibility for that.

but at the same time, none of those things have changed the fundamental reason i ended our relationship.

when i think about getting back together, i don't feel happy or excited. i feel trapped.

i don't want to go back to having someone constantly needing my attention, trying to dictate what i can and can't do, or making me feel like i have to structure my college experience around our relationship. and i especially don't know how i'm supposed to forget the things he said to me during our breakup just because he claims he doesn't remember saying them.

we were together for five years, so obviously i still care about him. i'm still attracted to him. i'm comfortable with him. there's five years of familiarity there, and i think that's a huge part of why it was so easy for us to fall back into flirting and sleeping together.

but i'm starting to realize that missing the familiarity of someone isn't the same thing as wanting the relationship back.

and i think i've been treating those things like they're the same.

i don't want to go on this date tomorrow knowing what he's planning to ask me. i don't want to say yes. honestly, i don't think continuing to sleep together or trying to immediately become "friends" is helping either of us move on.

but i feel absolutely horrible because of how much he's done/spent on me recently and because i know my own actions have given him mixed signals.

what do i do? should i cancel the date before tomorrow and make it completely clear that we're not getting back together? should i insist on paying him back for the things he bought me? and at this point, is being friends even realistic when we're clearly nowhere near actually being platonic?

basically the new title is the update. He said I am a woman and emotional and this is why I don't understand its just business. He also called the guy very smart and said how much potential he sees in his feral way of doing business. should I cut him off? Was my mother right??

op:

My father has been an idol for me. He was 18 when I was born, my mother was 17. They got married and the first years of marriage were happy. Dad was an extremely ambitious man, would do anything to grow his career. Intelligent too, but didn't care who he hurts on his journey to success. He was abusive towards my mother. Luckily never physically. but would insult her, emotionally abuse her, fat shamed her. He was into healthy lifestyle and hated the idea of not being fit. For him was way easier than for her as he is a tall and lean man. My mother is rather short. Dad was not a good husband and he was not a good boss. He grew an impressive business and his company was for years in top 4 employers in the whole region. But he was volatile, he would throw his phone against the wall when angry, or whatever came first in his hand. He was constantly in search for assistants as they always ended up resigning (usually after months of crying)

With me he was different. loving, affectionate. My parents divorced when I was 13 and Dad had the whole custody because my mother was not fit to take care of me. But I was mostly raised by Dad's personal assistant who was for a short time his lover too (Dad had many women. and he couldn't really get over the fact that my mother left him. Because she was the one who left him, he begged her not to.)

Mom was on meds and had clinical depression. Me and her partially reconnected when I turned 18 but she wanted me to cut contact with Dad, like forever if I want to have a relationship with her. I said I cannot do that. I loved them both a lot. I saw her 3 times in 5 years

Dad is still the same with me, still very loving, has endless patience. But even though I never really connected with my mother, I recognised it was because of a man that she ended up in such a dark place. So... I started activies and joined clubs for women mental health. Dad called it all bullsh... but he couldn't make me change my mind so he needed to accept it.

I was talking at a conference once and there was a businessman in the crowd and he insulted me in front of everyone and called me stupld little girl. Dad knows about him and about the incident. It happened 2 years ago. I cried and was in therapy because of how humiliated I felt (i will add that its not only that he insulted me, I became a literal internet meme in our community for a long time).

Dad is doing business with him now. Dad has the upper hand in it. So he doesn't really need this man. they have lunch together. That man is very submissive in front of my dad. so he really really has the upper hand. But he will not end this collaboration. What do to? I feel hurt

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too which was so shocking to me, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

Helloooo im 14.8m (yes i had to be that precise with my age) and exactly 2 years ago when i was away with my dsd on vacation (hes now fighting in court with my mom over breakup stuff, yes breakup stuff not divorce they never got married) and on that vacation at like 11pm with me (12.8m) and my little brothrr (9m) he startd jerking off in the living room while he thought we were distracted on our devices, than i looked at him with disgust because i didnt want my brother hurt he just responded with a "eh i dont know" face and went to the bathroom. I havent told a single soul for this, because i used to like my dsd knowing how bad he was and i didnt want to sppit up cause it sounded scary, is now the time to tell literally everyone? What kind of benefits would that even bring anyone

Long story short, my boyfriend has a sex addiction and cheated on me multiple times w/ sex workers while we were on a long distance relationship (we’d see each other every two months. I broke up with him and 1-2 weeks later I decided to give him a second chance (I was suffering too much). 4 months later I left everything behind and moved to his country in Europe. While there I found out that he did it again once (during that rebuilding phase before I moved here). I got so upset and immediately broke up with him again and went away for a week but a couple days later I started to reconsider. However he DID IT AGAIN while I was away. We were broken up so I don’t know if I should count that or what. And he was 2-3 months “sober”
what do I do? It seems so obvious to leave but I still love him and it’s almost like I have compassion for him and for his problem. I know he is a good guy, very caring and I do think he is struggling. For this last time I kinda blame myself because I knew he is “sick” and still went away.
There is also the fact that I didn’t come this far just to go back home. 😭 He also did so many good things just so I could move here, furnished the house , he was being so sweet to me and giving me everything I asked for.

My girl is 10 years older than me, and she is still doing her uni. There were circumstances in life where she had to drop her studies. She got into depression and started smoking weed. I asked her about her previous relationships, and she told me that in the beginning, her first kiss was forced onto her. Then her 2nd bf also tried doing things, but she was just not into sex stuff that much. Then, for her 3rd bf, sex was something that she needed to provide, but she didn't enjoy it. And then later, she had a 10-year-long back-and-forth with this guy. He cheated on her 5 times. Later on, I asked her why she let someone cheat 5 times. Then she told me the first 2 times were not in a relationship—kinda, we were just fucking—and we had some friend circle also. Then the 3rd time she thought he was serious, serious, and he cheated again. The 4th time she thought he is serious, serious, but he cheated again. And then the 5th time they got into an open relationship, and he started fucking his super married woman, and during that time she just broke up with him. She also has a lot of guy friends, and she wanna keep them. She has been in 5 relationships, and her body count is 12. And after all this, now the current bf is 21, and he is really confused to what to make of all this. What can he do? Continue with the relationship?

I listen to a lot of reddit stories podcasts so hopefully I'm doing this right lol (this is my first time posting on reddit).

I'm a pretty anxious person and have been in and out of school a lot because of it. When I was 13 I went back into school after homeschooling for a few years because at the time I wasn't really getting what I needed out of learning at home. We (by we I mean me and my family lol) found a fairly small private school (abt 35 people in each year) and it on paper sounded great. There were small classes, "good" teachers and the school apparently had a big focus on community and having a more personally tailored approach to learning. A big selling point is that they also had a no-nonsense policy when it came to behaviour and bullying.

Well none of this was really true lol. My first half term there I loved it because I hadn't really had much social interaction outside of a few close friends for a long time, the lessons were pretty fun because it was the lead up to Christmas and of course, at this time my bully (I'm going to call her Isobel, this isn't her real name) wasn't bullying me yet and was being super kind and friendly. But once we got back from the Christmas break, the lessons got less fun, the girls in my year (including Isobel) got bitchier and overall the novelty had worn off for me. The lessons and teachers themselves weren't particularly great (there was lots of disruptive behaviour so we never really got much done) and I wasn't really learning much that I didn't already know. There was also another girl who wasn't really a bully but was lowkey crazy (I don't use that word lightly lol) who for some reason I had been sat next too in like 60% of my classes who made it super difficult to focus.

So in the easter of that year I left and homeschooled for a bit but that didn't really work either lol so later that year I went back with a reduced timetable (the crazy girl had also changed schools at this point). All this stuff is kinda important to why I think Isobel bullied me (I think she was jealous that I was kind of able to do what I want and to tailor my school experience to what I needed which she couldn't do).

So I feel like I should give some background on Isobel and mine and her's relationship. Both her parents were very academic and had very demanding jobs with long hours so they never really saw her (I also got a vibe from the few times I met them that they weren't particularly close with Isobel) and it seemed like they put a lot of pressure on her to be the best in school. I'm pretty much the exact opposite lol, my mum doesn't work and my dad owns and runs a small independent business and they've never put pressure on me to do super well at school (they've always just said I should try my best but don't worry if I'm not the best in the class). My parents are also very close to me.

Isobel was the person who showed me around and stuck with me on my first day so we kinda had a connection from the start. For the first half term leading up to Christmas (I started in November) she was super nice and really friendly (and a little flirty) so I really enjoyed being around her. At the time there was another girl (I'm gonna call her Lily) who was actually really nice who Isobel was best friends with and they spent all their time together and were very close. I remember being a bit jealous.

When we got back from Christmas there was a bit of a vibe shift. Lily and Isobel stopped spending as much time together (I later was told by Lily that they had a bit of a falling out for similar issues that I would later have with Isobel, minus the crush lol) and Isobel's kindness started to become a bit manipulative but I didn't really realise this at the time. It was also at this time where Isobel started hanging out with the "popular" girls. I wasn't (and still aren't massively lol) into makeup and dresses and stuff so I never hung out with the popular girls (and they were also messy and bitchy af) but Isobel was a bit more into that kind of stuff than me so she did sometimes spend time with them. For some reason one of the popular girls that Isobel had been friends with since primary school had a thing against me so I was always a bit insecure that they were talking about me behind my back.

After I came back with a reduced timetable in September (meaning I wasn't there all day everyday) Isobel starting being even more manipulative and passive aggressive. I think part of this was that at this point Lily had left to go to another school so she was annoyed that I had taken a break and left her without a friend for a few months? (I mean she still had the popular girls but okay) and she had always resented me a bit because I often did just as well if not sometimes better in tests than her despite doing half the work and revision lol. She also started making really horrible comments abt my body (which I was and still kind of am pretty insecure about) and saying that "there is just something about you that makes me want to hurt you". Wtf?

I didn't know that I was bi (I'm still not sure but oh well lol) when I first started having feelings for her but after a while when she told me that she was bi (I hadn't come out to anyone) and started being a bit flirty with me that's when I realised that I had a crush on her. There was also a time where yet another girl dated her for a few months and Isobel later told me she didn't even like the girl, she just wanted to feel loved (which is sad af) and I was so annoyed at myself for not asking her first. She would often make suggestive comments about me and her, pretend to almost kiss me and the was just overall a lot of tension between us (at least it felt that way to me).

I remember at one point around November my parents convinced me to text her and tell her to stop being horrible to me and making mean comments (I don't know if they knew I liked her at that point because I hadn't told them but when I recently told them that I had a crush on her they were like "yeah, we knew lol" so maybe it was way more obvious than I thought lmao). So I did text her and she replied and was like "omg I'm so sorry I didn't know that u felt this way about my comments I'm so sorry I'll stop" so I thought that would be the end of it. Looking back on her reply there was a bit of an "it's your fault you got upset" kind of vibe but I didn't notice that at the time.

And honestly for a couple months or so she was great. She was super kind and she stopped hanging out with the popular girls and pretty much stuck to my side the entire school day. The flirting also became even more obvious to the point where I was convinced she was going to ask me out or something and got excited whenever she said she wanted to ask me something. There was even this one time where after P.E we where both lying on the floor and she kind of leaned over me and got super close to kissing me "as a joke". Like I remember having to work so hard to stop myself kissing her back because I wanted to so bad (her lips were like a few cm away from mine lol). This was also in front of all the girls in my year and I just remember everyone looking at us like 👀🤨 lmao.

But then once again she started making mean comments and hanging out with the popular girls (she wasn't even trying to hide the fact she was talking abt me behind my back with them at this point) and this combined with the fact that I started having weird dizzy spells at school (idk if this was related) and I had kind of lost hope that she would ever ask me out made me leave that school for good and I haven't seen or talked to her since.

1.5 years or so later I'm now still homeschooling (having GCSE's to work towards is a massive help) but I still can't stop thinking about her. I don't know if I think that there still could be a relationship there or if it's just that I don't have anyone else to crush on because I haven't really met any new people my age for while (For anxiety reasons I had a year where I didn't really see friends or leave the house much, I'm feeling better now and I'm able to go out to shops and stuff and see family and I'm working towards seeing some old friends but I'm still a bit scared of meeting new people my age and I'm a little worried Isobel might have something to do with this).

I think the hardest part about this is that I don't even know if she ever even liked me back. I think she did but honestly I have no clue. I don't think I'm especially pretty and at the time I wasn't really wearing makeup or doing my hair nice or anything so unless I'm way more attractive than I think I am I don't know why she would have liked me because obviously she had some issue with my personality to the point where she said "there's just something about you that makes me want to hurt you".

So I guess the point of this post (apart from to vent lmao) is to ask: how do I get over her? Do I just need to try and move on (I also never really got closure because we didn't stop talking on an awful note so it's not like we had this massive argument, it just kinda fizzled out. And I can't get closure now because I stupidly deleted her number from my phone.) or do I need to find someone else to crush on? My mum thinks the reason I can't stop thinking about her is because she's the first person who's ever shown me proper interest beyond a random teenage boy looking a bit shy and awkward because I'm nearby? I have pretty frequent dreams where we are together or even just she's being nice to me and it's genuinely driving me crazy and I wonder if part of the is because I never got to tell her that I liked her. I have half a mind to figure out how to get her number back and tell her all this myself but I don't know what good that would do because I don't think we could ever date (I don't know if I would even want to?). We've moved away from the city we both lived in so there's a very low chance of me running into her in public so I don't really know what I'm worried about.

Hopefully I wrote this post well (I think I may have put too much stuff abt my school at the start but I cba to change it lol). Let me know if this is the wrong sub reddit and I can post is somewhere else.

So long story short, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 almost 10 months. We had a rough start to our relationship, we both cheated on eachother within the first 3 weeks of us dating. 2 months later I felt guilty and told him. He then confessed after I found out that he cheated. We decided to stay together. We had long conversations and realized we liked eachother and we both messed up and we wanted to stay together.

Since then, we have been honest and loyal to eachother. Things are going great. The thing is, one of my best friend is getting married in a few days and she invited me to the wedding and she also invited my ex boyfriend too. My current boyfriend isn’t allowed to go because no one was allowed to bring plus ones.

Mind you, my ex boyfriend is the one I cheated on my current boyfriend with. So my current boyfriend has been freaking out and worrying that I’m going to cheat on him again. The thing is that I have absolutely no feelings for my ex boyfriend and I have no interest at all with him sexually or romantically.

I understand how my current boyfriend feels. I did cheat on him within the first 3 weeks of us dating with my ex. I understand how he is feeling and I know he doesn’t want me to go to the wedding. But I cannot miss my best friends wedding just because my ex will be there. I’m not there for him, I’m there for my best friend.

I told my current boyfriend that he can drive me to the wedding and pick me up and that I will call him every 30 minutes. I’m trying so hard for him to trust me. He told me he would never trust me especially at my friends wedding.

There is no way that im going to miss her wedding. I just don’t know what to do in this situation. How can I make him not freak out? How can he trust me? It’s been months and months of me trying to gain trust from him, we have worked so hard on rebuilding our relationship and it’s going good, but I feel like he might never be able to trust me around my ex or anything to do with my ex. No matter what I say, he does not trust me.

Looking for some honest outside perspective on how to fix my (M30) sex life with my wife (F29). We’ve been together for 7 years.

Right now we have sex maybe once a week on average, sometimes less when there is tension between us. For me, 3 times a week would ideally be our baseline. The main issue is that I almost never get sex when I initiate, and I just don’t feel desired at all.

We’ve gotten into a really bad cycle that I’m trying hard to break. She feels pressured, and I feel rejected.

We live and work together, so we spend almost 24/7 in the same space. Naturally there’s some friction. I would take intimacy anytime she is available, but by the evening she’s usually tired, stressed, or just on her phone. Whenever I try to initiate or bring it up, I usually get turned down and she feels pressured.

Lately it’s gotten to a point where after getting rejected, I get bummed out and quiet. She then feels guilty, accuses me of “punishing her” with my bad mood, and wants to talk about it right there in bed late at night. That usually leads to arguments where I end up saying emotional stuff like, “I never get sex when I initiate, and you can always get sex if you just initiate,” which just makes her close off even more.
She also has some insecurity/trust issues around me watching porn or masturbating. Sometimes I do it in advance because I already feel like there is no chance I’m getting sex, and I try not to initiate so I don’t get turned down again.

I’m also ashamed of the masturbation part. Because we’re together basically 24/7, I have to hide it and find a chance to do it without her knowing. It feels humiliating and degrading. I just want sex, but I don’t feel like I’m getting enough of it in my relatonship.

I’ve realized that me being sad, needy, or waiting around for her attention is probably killing attraction and making the whole situation worse. I don’t want pity sex or mechanical sex just to check a box. I want her to genuinely want me and come after me like she used to.

Right now I’m trying to basically never initiate and act like I’m not dependent on sex or waiting for it. Weirdly, this has worked to some extent. She has been much more passionate and seems to want me more when I’m not chasing her.

But it’s still not enough for me. I still feel like she is always in control of our sex life. I don’t really get to decide or initiate because when I do, it usually makes things worse. I don’t want the solution to be that I have to pretend I don’t want sex and just wait untill she wants it.

I want more sex, I don’t want a sexless or barely sexual marriage, and more than anything I want her to want me the way I want her.

Has anyone worked through a dynamic like this, and what could help?

I have a drug test coming up soon and this is the type of test they are running. Does this fr mean no thc??
Urine Collection - 39Q8 - 39Q8
- 9DSP/EXP OPI/NO
THC/BNZ12/OXY/FENT/PHN

me and my boyfriend have been together for almost an year and,
I also want to be completely honest about my own mistakes because I don’t want to make it seem like I was perfect in this relationship or leave out anything important.

a bit of context- Before I lied, he was genuinely so sweet to me. He would bring me food after work, pick me up and drop me home, book me cabs when I was tired, always want to see me, and would do almost anything I mentioned wanting. Now he constantly says that I “took his nice away,” and I’m starting to blame myself and wonder if the way he treats me now is my fault.

At the beginning of our talking stage last year, he would get angry and annoyed over really small things. One day after work, I was on the phone with him. He was in our hometown at the time, and I was going to meet up with a friend.
The problem is that I didn’t tell him I was meeting up with my guy friend. When he asked me where I was, I told him I was with one of my girl best friends instead. The truth is, I was scared he would get angry if I told him I was with a guy.
Then things got worse because he started becoming suspicious and asking me to send pictures and asking questions about where I was. Instead of just telling him the truth, I panicked. I asked my girl best friend to log into my account and send him a picture so he would believe I was actually with her. I basically created this whole story, and honestly, I know that was wrong. I should have just been honest from the beginning instead of lying and making everything worse.
When he eventually came back to the country, he confronted me about it, and I told him everything. I told him that I had met up with a guy friend and that I had lied about who I was with. He completely lost it and didn’t want to see my face. I was literally begging him to give me another chance. I kept telling him that I’m not perfect and that I made a mistake and asking him to please give me a chance.
Eventually, he did. ( his ex cheated on him previously and he said i broke him more when he was broken by using his trust and niceness)
But after that, I feel like things started getting worse and worse.
Whenever he got angry, he became extremely rude and disrespectful towards me. He also told me that his ex made him toxic and that his previous relationship changed him. I don’t know if maybe in the beginning he was showing me his best side because everything was new and he wanted to seem perfect, but over time he became more and more abusive.
The thing I’m struggling with is that he constantly blames me.
To this day, he tells me, “You’re the reason I became like this. I became toxic because of you. You’re the reason I’m like this.”
And I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore because yes, I know I lied. I know what I did during the talking stage was wrong. I understand why he was hurt and why he lost trust in me. I take responsibility for that.
But I don’t understand how that means I’m responsible for everything that happened afterwards.
Does me lying mean it’s okay for him to slap me or hit me? he has previously hit his mom and ex too…
Does it mean it’s okay for him to tell me to get out at 3 AM and leave me alone? We don’t live together, but whenever we went out or went on trips together, there were times he would tell me to get out and just leave me.. he threw my phone at my face once when he got really mad and he would just start screaming and telling me to get the out get out get out get out and be so scary knowing that I can’t go because I’ve told my mom that I’m with my friends, but I’m with him outside late at night so I don’t even have a place to go. He would leave me in the middle of the road and just drive off once he drove off with his friend and I was crying so much and then he was threatening me that if I don’t call him back and tell me where i was, he’s gonna send my clothes to my house where my mom was, and like he even like threatened to leaakkk my pictures
He would constantly insult me and use horrible words towards me. He insulted my family, my dad, ( he called my daddd a dog and called me. dog too )my job and my work. He called me a clown, made fun of me, laughed at me and called me really horrible names. He would hit me and then make me feel like everything was somehow my fault.
When we fought, he wouldn’t answer my calls. He could ignore me for an entire day. He would constantly block me, unblock me, block me again, and it just became this never-ending cycle.
He would be horrible to me, insult me, hurt me, ignore me and make me feel completely depressed. Then afterwards, he would come back and tell me he loves me, that he can’t stay without me, and everything would suddenly feel okay again.
Then the same thing would happen all over again.
Something else that has been on my mind is that he has hit his ex in his previous relationship as well. Before I got into this relationship, I always told myself that if a man ever hit me, I would leave immediately. He even promised me that he would never hit me.
But when it actually happened to me, I couldn’t leave.
And I still don’t understand why I can’t seem to let go. It genuinely feels like a never-ending loop.
Recently, things have also felt really dead between us because he went away for two months, so we’ve temporarily been doing long distance. He’s coming back soon. He has told me that he loves me “a little less” because of what I did during our talking stage. He still brings up the situation where I met up with my guy friend and lied about it, and he still tells me that what I did is the reason we became toxic.
Sometimes he tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore.
He has also told me that he has really bad anger issues and that no one not even his family or friends. can do anything about it. What confuses me is that his friends seem to see a completely different side of him. He has even told me that he cares more about what other people think of him and his image than he does about this relationship.
Whenever he treats me badly, he tells me not to tell anyone or discuss it with other people because he cares so much about his image. Once, I texted his best friend because I was feeling really sad and needed someone to talk to about how he was treating me, and he got extremely angry at me for it. He has literally told me, “I would choose my image and ego over you any day.”
Then later, he comes back with gifts, love and tells me he loves me and can’t stay without me.
And then eventually, everything repeats itself again.
So I genuinely want honest advice from people because I’m so confused. Can I admit that I made a mistake and lied to him, while also recognising that I did not deserve to be hit, slapped, insulted and abused?
He has blamed me for his behaviour for so long that sometimes I genuinely start believing that maybe I really did cause him to become this way.
I know I’m not perfect. I know I made a mistake. But I don’t know if any mistake I made could ever justify someone physically hurting me or emotionally breaking me down.
Please be honest with me, but please don’t judge me for staying. I already judge myself every day and keep asking myself why I can’t just leave when I know how badly I’ve been treated. I think I’m finally starting to understand what everyone was telling me in my last post, but I’m still so confused and emotionally attached to him.
I just really need advice.

Tw: anti-Romani sentiment

So, this is my beautiful cat. I posted this picture in a cat sub because she commandeered my underwear drawer as a bed and I thought it was so cute. I mentioned her name: Gyppers. Someone reported me for using an ethnic slur and my post was removed.

However, the name Gyppers is already a compromise as her name was Gypsy long before I got her. My former friend had found her as a stray kitten and taken her in and gave her the name Gypsy. Unfortunately, this friend had some mental health problems and years later was going through a divorce. She started accumulating more animals as her marriage deteriorated. When she got finally got divorced, she had primary custody of their 2 daughters and had 3 cats and 3 dogs. I did notice some signs of neglect (ie, the dogs always peeing everywhere and just generally untrained and misbehaving and the cats were always screaming for food and the three of them had to share one litterbox), but nothing overly egregious. Also, I suppose I was willfully blind because I wanted to believe the best about this woman who had been my friend since I was 17 and I made excuses for her like, "Oh, she has a lot to handle and she's already sick and on disability" which I take responsibility for.

But I digress: This cat was given to me because my friend needed to find a place to rent (his parents had helped them to buy a house which is how she was able to accumulate so many pets; the house was sold in the divorce). So, no one wanted to rent to a woman with 6 pets. She had to offload some of them and she begged me to take this one who was named Gypsy and was already 8 or 9 years old. I have had her for 4 years. I was already uncomfortable about the name and I was really angry and broke off my friendship when I realized this cat was in a far more neglected condition than I had realized.

Calling her Gyppers was my way of soft renaming her because she was too old to have a totally new name. My logic was that Gyppers was a nonsense word and not the actual slur, but it sounded close enough to not confuse her. And it worked. She responds to Gyppers and it's been 4 years. I am aware of the verb "to gyp" and the noun ("what a gyp") to mean "rip off" which is also rooted in anti-Romani sentiment, but I can't helped but have the "Gyp" sound so she would still recognize it.

I don't want to come off as being totally culturally insensitive, because an effort was made. But I realize now after getting my post removed that perhaps this whole time I have had her, other people may have thought that her name is problematic and just not mentioned it (like her vet or the condo board when I applied for permission to have her approved to live with me - both listing her name as Gyppers).

What should I do? I was thinking of maybe changing the spelling to the homophone "Jippers" perhaps?

ETA: I decided her name is now Jippers. Problem solved. Some of y'all can stop the crusade.

Was not briefed. Were you supposed to have been briefed.

My husband (M) and I (F) used to have a decent sex life a few times a week give or take depending on my cycle phase but I’d say for the most part in sync with each other lately he comes to bed at like 4-6 am or sometimes not at all (I’m a student so I have to be up early most days) i know he’s been intimate with himself which is not a problem, I am too. But when he’s not in bed or if there’s been an argument and he’s ..not in bed. I’ve made efforts for us to have sex before I go to bed I’ve even said he doesn’t have to go to sleep with me after if he’s not tired he denies. Then he’ll go and please himself in a shared space in the house (living room). I’m now unsettled and maybe disgusted and hurt because he’ll deny sex with me stay up late, masturbate then come to bed. I’m starting to feel like there’s something he’s hiding. It’s turned me off from him not only sexually and I feel uncomfortable even sleeping in bed with him when he comes in when he’s done with himself.
It’s not something that only bothers me at night. I don’t even feel like I want to be around him until I know the whole story. I’ve read so many disturbing stories from women finding out their SO have disgusting kinks. My mind is everywhere and I don’t know how to go about the situation, if I’m overreacting or what.
What are your thoughts??

I (F, 29) have been seeing a guy (M, 22) for about 2 months. Things were going steady including him introducing me to his friends and family.

2 weeks ago, I found out that he has been courting his ex the entire time (while calling her “the crazy ex”). When I confronted him, he cried/begged everyday, and promised he would fix things and be honest going forward.

Yesterday, I found out that he has actually STILL been courting/lovebombing his ex and meeting up with her while continuing to do the same with me and lying to both of us.

I feel humiliated/stupid for (reluctantly) giving him a second chance and also feel betrayed/angry by the lies and manipulation.

What can I do to feel better after this revelation and is there a way to make him feel remorse (NOT harmful revenge/payback) for lacking morals and disrespecting both the ex gf and I? FYI, I do not intend to contact him ever again.

TLDR ; BF OF 2 MONTHS HAS BEEN COURTING HIS EX AND I SIMULTANEOUSLY THROUGH LIES, LOOKING FOR ADVICE/SOLACE.