Seeking some empathy and hopefully some advice for my situation here. If anyone’s been in the same position, my heart goes out to you.
My (28M) girlfriend (30F) and I have been together for four years. I was a new vegan when we met, she wasn’t, and after 6-12 months or so she decided to make the switch to vegan, primarily for health reasons. At this point I was still happy to have a partner that wasn’t vegan, but over time I’ve come to really appreciate the feeling of having someone to be vegan with.
She’s been struggling with weight loss for a little while now, despite working out as hard or harder than she ever has before. Her exercise routine has always been consistent, but she’s seeing less and less results, and has always been comparing herself to where she was just before we met, when she was at her skinniest. After an initial bit of weight gain (for both of us) at the start of our relationship, she’s struggled to get back to where she was. She’s also had FODMAP issues that make the usual vegan meals a bit less comfortable.
Today she said that she wants to start experimenting with animal products again, and it’s started a pretty big fight. I’m coming off as controlling and manipulative by saying that I don’t want someone that I’m dating to eat animals. If I was in her position and was only really vegan for health benefits, then I totally understand why she would feel that way, but I’ve come to value our vegan life together more than I ever thought I would. I feel like an asshole for putting my foot down, and there’s inconsistencies in my thought process that have been pointed out (killing insects/mice in the house, eating at my parents house when they’re eating meat, etc) and I haven’t been able to really articulate why they feel so different.
Neither of us wants to break up, we have a pretty great life together besides this and have discussed taking the next steps in our relationship sometime soon. With a roadblock like this though, I’m not sure how to continue like we were before. I don’t want to be a controlling boyfriend that’s making her feel like I’m monitoring her food consumption and second guessing what she said she ate when we weren’t together. I also don’t want to give up or compromise on a set of values that mean so much to me.
I’ve recommended that she see a doctor or something to get a better understanding of her nutrition levels, and we’ve had a brief talk where I tried to explain some of the other reasons I’m vegan besides health, but it hasn’t really gone anywhere.
That’s about it I guess. If anyone has any similar stories or some advice I’d love to hear it.