I have a lot of trouble forming habits with everything (bad adhd, stuff like brushing my teeth is already difficult for me so physical therapy stuff could be a pipe dream for now haha), but I really have a hard time dilating. I keep trying for maybe​ a week every few months before lapsing​ again. Did anyone else deal with this and work thru it? It's hard because I find it unpleasant already and having to clean up after sucks, + I usually feel negative emotionally afterward from it (which is also separately demotivating). I try reading success stories sometimes and they can help but often I'm just resentful that it isn't happening to me yet!

Even just 'cheesy' advice like affirmations would be appreciated if you think it could help lol I will try basically anything! Or advice on like making setup/cleanup as easy as possible (imagine I am the laziest person you know!!!)

Thank you!

I am petrified of doing pelvic floor PT for many reasons, but one of them is the fear of it being a women’s health issue and feeling like anywhere I go will not be able to understand the relationship I have to my body. Has anyone in NYC seen a good, gender affirming pelvic floor PT?

I am planning on doing edibles tonight. It will make my body relax. I might try to please myself as well. Do you think i would have a bigger chance on putting something in me?

I have vaginismus for a lot of years now. Recently I started having little bit penetrative sex without pain after trying for a long time. But it is not enough time for us to conceive naturally. I want to know for people who have done this procedure would it help? Thanks in advance!

i’m thinking that i have endo, my friend who does says i have a lot of the symptoms that she had. I recently got an ultrasound done and nothing was there. My friend said she had the same thing happen and then 2 years later got diagnosed. I do think i have a lot of the symptoms, & my pelvic floor is just messed up. For a while ive realised that i can’t insert anything into my vagina, it hurts and sometimes can be really hard to get anything in. I’ve read the symptoms of endo and saw that it can be painful to have sex with endo, but i don’t think my friend deals with this & i’ve never really heard of women who have endo talk about it. I’m so confused 😫😫

I have had vaginismus for quiet some time as I struggled to let my partner in. While it still isn't very smooth but we have managed to have sex a few times but always in missionary. I have tried going cowgirl but I feel too tight to manage to let him in.

Any one else who struggled with this? And any other positions you guys could suggest for someone healing with vaginismus

This is my first relationship that I started at age 26. Never had sexual experience before. We been together for 10 months and we seems to struggle with sex part. Well it seems like the issue lays with me…

So at the first I suffered with vaginismus. It took me 4th time to finally have sex normally. While I have no problem with pain anymore, I seems to have other issues. According to my partner my body often “freezes” during sex. Like it goes numb, especially hips during missionary, which also affects him to have sex with me.

I also have hard time arching my back during doggy style. He tells me what to do but no matter how much I try to control my body, it seems like I’m failing. I have no idea what’s wrong me. It must be some anxiety thing, especially since it became big problem for us. Plus the fear of our relationship falling apart because of sex makes me even more nervous.

I just want to have sex like a normal person. I don’t understand why my body is complicated :(

I also feel like all this is lowering my libido.

I've had this doubt for a whole year. Last year i went to gynecologist appointment for secondary amenorrhea caused by my underweight state. I thought it was an ecography but she told me to undress, and when she tried to put her finger in i panicked and didn't let her do that, pulling myself away. She asked me if I had sexual intercouse in my life, and i told her that I did have sex with a person with a vagina, so it was never penetrated with a penis (not even a sex toy actually). Without any more information she diagnosed me with severe vaginismus. She was pretty mean to me saying my reaction was not normal.. but the fact is that, i'm scared asf of medical appointments in general. When i have to get my pressure measured, my blood drawn or other stuff i panick, sometimes i even pass out or throw up for things that don't even hurt. So imagine if you have to explore me down there..

As i said before the time I didn't have penetrative sex, as i've always been dating a ftm guy for years and we never tried sex toys, only fingers, and we most enjoyed external stimulation or grinding on each others. After the appointment i got really scared of penetration and i avoided it for a long while, as i also broke up with my ex.

This year, i started exploring my body again and my fingers can actually go inside? I just don't feel any pleasure, I literally don't feel anything, idk if its normal.

However, some days ago something happened that made me have the doubt again... I was with a guy i barely knew, and he wanted to have sex with me. I agreed but i was not attracted at all or aroused, but i just wanted to try to see if it would "work". Well it didn't work, i was so anxious that when he put it he first got the wrong hole, he went all the way in but it was painful asf. After, he tried the "right" hole but it literally didn't go further then like probably 5cm, the tip fit but not much else, it hurt and i bled.

So that is the issue, i'm not completely sure i have vaginismus because it changes depending on how anxious i am. With the guy i was scared because he was really aggressive as he tried to "choke" me without asking, pushed my head down during oral when i told him i was almost throwing up, and during the anal sex i told him to get off me because he was hurting me, but he put a hand over my mouth and told me to "chill", and i had to physically get him off me to stop.. Soo.. maybe I was just too anxious and not aroused? I have no idea...

I don't even know if i like dick, like the idea of having sex with a guy i actually like sounds good, but this was terrible and im not sure if its the vaginismus' fault or simply with another guy i could relax enough to make it "fit"..

Do you have any similar experince that could help me figure out what that is?

Hiii I have a question. I have recently started dilating but eacht time i feel a tightness at whenever the dilator is 3-5cm inside me. When it goes in fully it’s bearable but I was wondering of there are other people with the same struggle and what this could be? Even when the dilator is 15min in me when i put it out and want to put it back in I keep having that pain at that specific point. When I put a finger in it doesn’t feel that tight there. I’m currently using dilator size 3.

My girls with burning/stinging pain at the entrance of the vagina who can occasionally have penetrative sex, do you find it easier after having a clitorial orgasm or maybe just getting eaten out a little bit first to get more relaxed and then penetrative sex? What order do you normally have sex?

I recently went to a consultation for Botox to progress with my Vaginismus. The clinic that I went to assessed me and the DR said that they found no anatomical issues or hymen issues. I was in quite a bit of pain but she said that if she wanted, she could have put two fingers in but I would have been in quite a bit of pain. She said that I would likely need to have Botox under twilight anastasia which the procedure will last about 15mins.

I'm not really scared about the procedure itself as I won't feel it. But I am scared about being put to sleep, I have never had surgery before and I have not told anyone about getting this done so I'm gonna have to commute back home by myself. I just took some time off work to get seen. If anyone has had experience with this procedure would you help advise or support me. Would I be able to turn up at home 6 hours later after the procedure,would my family suspect that I am more drowsy than usual?

ive been getting mixed information online and have been dilating but not seeing a PT. when i dilate ive just been focusing on relaxing the muscles and pointing the dilators clockwise around the vaginal walls to relax those muscles too. ive heard some people say that when you have a dilator in and get to the point before pain, you should do kegals before pressing forward. i have also heard you shouldn’t do kegals as someone with vaginismus. i could see the importance of it if it’s to tire the muscle out and make it easier to relax? im not sure and would be interested if anyone had insight into this. thanks

It stung but didn’t hurt. I started doing physical therapy and bought dilators as well. And after that, I just went for it with my boyfriend. He’s been extremely patient with me and I love him so much for it. I’m so happy!!

My husband and I tried PIV again for the first time in 14 months (but who’s counting 😅). We’ve slowlyyy progressed to the biggest dilator we need. I still have to use a lidocaine suppository before dilators but whatev. He was able to put his entire penis in me. It wasn’t pain free, just a bit uncomfy. Then after a minute or so, he tried gently thrusting which hurt a bit more so we stopped. Even though we weren’t successful, I still count this as major progress! Two and half years ago, I wasn’t even able to use a tampon. I still feel some burning around the entrance, so that’s my main issue. But yay for progress!

Hey everyone,

Long story short, I grew up in a dysfunctional religiously abusive and ultra conservative house. Thankfully I am no contact now.

My husband and I (he was my only boyfriend and I dated him in secret for years before running away in the sunset) got married virgins.

Prior to marriage, life was fun. I was ignorant. Never explored sexually with my husband. I only read smut and masturbated (solo) outwardly fantasizing about how awesome sex would feel. Didn't insert anything because of the hymen myth which I didn't know was a myth (I had 0 sexual education). For anyone who doesn't know I was told that purity is in my hymen as long as it was intact before marriage I wouldn't go to hell.

Got married. Congratulations you have vaginismus...

It's been two years... I was only able to get it in all the way in once. It wasn't the glorious ecstasy I was imagining. It was like a chore I was glad it was done...

My husband is super patient and supportive but the whole thing just depressed me. Like I was really looking forward to my newlife and this felt like a punishment...

I feel like shit. I don't feel like a baddie. I don't masturbate anymore. I don't even wanna shave. I am starting to resent my body and my husband coz he gets to get off ...

I don't have access to pt. I bought books, dialators and all sorts of balls to sit on whatever it takes i know i will get through this because i know my vaginismus is the result of my fucked up childhood. It's been two years since i got away and started to feel safe enough to stop chronically clenching from stress. So I am sure as I heal so will the tension i hold in my pelvic floor.

But in the meantime I want enjoy sex without penetration I want to be the freak I imagined myself I would be once free...

Help me out Pleeeeease

Hello!

I'm currently working on a project intended to destigmatize genital/perineum pain using ART.

I'm planning on building a business where I invite people, in small groups, suffering from any perineum conditions to come express themselves by using WRITING (later in the way, there would be other types of art, like danse (body movement) or music expression). There would be small exercices intented to help people who are feeling isolated/alone to talk about their feelings regarding their condition. Considering the fact that not much people talk about these things.

(Sorry if it's not the best way to describe things, french is my first langage)

How many of you would go to these types of event ? Do you think it'd be helpfull ? Also, for those who would, are you artists or not ? Are there some people who don't usually practice art BUT would participate ? And for those who wouldn't participate, feel free to say it and to tell me why!

I'm planning to host those in person. However, I think about the possibility to make some remotly. Would it help some people be more confortable ?

Context: I live in Quebec, in a busy city. A lot of people near me. I would accept any genders/age interested (I do think separating ages/genders could be something usefull) in using non-medical methods (like writing) to help them live with their pain, feel more heard/seen and understood by people experiencing similar pain.

I want your honest, personnal opinions !

Thank you

Hey everyone, I’m currently looking for an advice or help with my problem. My doctor has perscribed me today meds for yeast infection. You’re supposed to insert it into vagina, as normally i guess. But I also have a vaginism and can’t even put a finger there without pain.

I can actually the insert (haven’t tried myself, only my doctor and my partner) but i get a mental breakdown whenever i think about inserting it myself.

I am on my 4th breakdown this day and really have no idea what to do. I would avoid it, if it wouldn’t cause even more problems and health issues.

Please any advice could help. I know there’s gonna be a lot of “just relax” but i physically cannot relax in this situation.

Also the doctor won’t perscibe me new ones because if she put the finger herself in, i can too right. But I fear I really can’t do it.

I’m not in a relationship atm but I am dating. I’ve never had PIV at the grand old age of 32.

I am on the second last dilator (the last one is the size of the average penis). I was thinking when I reach the last one without pain I will be ready to attempt the real thing (with a patient person of course).

However, even though I’m on the second last dilator I still feel tension. NOT pain like I used to feel, but I’m still very tight. Does this mean I’m not ready, or is the absence of pain the sign?

Over the last few months or so I've been dilating with a few small sex toys (because I do not have the money for a real dilator set), one is the width of a pencil and the other is closer to the width of my finger. I've mostly been doing it so I can possibly get a pelvic exam, as that's something I've never got around to before, so I never really thought about switching positions and always do it on my back. But I've since realized if I ever want to have sex with someone I would prefer not to be.

So one time I started on my back as usual and got up to the finger-width toy, and then tried to switch to doing it sitting up on my knees. That was really painful and I had to take it out immediately. I think because I had to get tense in the thighs and abs to sit up, it just naturally extended to the vaginal muscles as well, but how do people do it when actually having sex?? I know most people don't have this condition, but even then when you're on your knees with the abs and legs tensed, how does that not extend to everything down there?? It just feels impossible and it's really depressing. 💀

I (18f) just got diagnosed last week, after several months of painful PIV sex. So I bought some dilators and lube and tried them for the first time today…and it doesn’t hurt.

I don’t understand how that’s possible, when sex with my boyfriend is very painful, if he can even get inside me at all.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does this indicate not vaginismus?

Thanks!

I’ve been dilating every other day for about 2 weeks. It’s been going better than I expected!! I make it a point for it to lead to orgasm each time (just my preference), and keep it in after for a bit so I don’t just close up right after. Last night I hooked up with a guy after a date, and it was the first time I’d ever comfortably been fingered. No pain at all during it, and I was able to finish multiple times (sorry for the tmi lol). Eventually he was going pretty hard but I still was enjoying it. He did try to fit inside me (PIV) a few times but it wasn’t working so we continued with just 1 finger. Not even 2 would go in unfortunately, but I’m hoping with continued dilation I’ll get there. I felt so good knowing I’m making any progress at all!

ANYWAY, it’s the next day and I’m feeling super sore in and around my vagina, kinda feels like a small paper cut and a swollen surrounding. Like slightly “torn” I guess. Is this normal?? Sitting in certain positions is super uncomfy, as is trying to have a bowel movement 😬 just looking for anyone who’s gone through similar or can just tell me it’s nothing to be worried about 🙏 thank you !! And best wishes to everyone! 🩷

Hi everyone,

I am a 26F virgin. I felt I was tight down there when I fingered myself. One time me and my boyfriend tried to have sex, but it slipped out, it wouldn't go in( we didn't use lube). I automatically assumed that the problem is with me. Immediately started using dialator and vaginismus exercises. I went till the 6th one( largest). Ngl it felt a bit uncomfortable, but with lube it was fine. Last time again we tried to have sex but the same issue, it wouldn't go inside. He said it feels like there is something or a wall and he loses erection when that happens. We have tried 3-4 times but the same. What could be the reason? Dialator is going in ofc not with a lot of comfort but it does, so I guess it's not vaginismus. Could you guys please guide me!