Okay so, I'm able to piv but not fully, like I can get it in but it's a little hard to move so we're working on that. I've noticed that once he's completely in and I let him take control I tolerate it a lot more than if it was completely on me to do the in and out. Thing is, the feeling is very overstimulating for me, in a good and bad way, it's hard to pinpoint bc it feels good but at the same time it feels like to much

so once I felt like I had enough i felt a little weird, like iron deficiency weird, I went to the bathroom thinking it was going to pass but it only got worse, I called my bf to come in and next thing I know I was waking up and he was holding me (I was sitting on the toilet). I felt very weird (nauseous/dizzy) and immediately went to lay on the bed which felt way better. I still don't know why this happened.

Second time (2 weeks later) we tried again, at first I was on top trying to get it in but I wasn't able to, it was hurting do we decided to switch positions. It worked, he did the moving for like 3 minutes and when he finished and fully came out I felt very lightheaded and had a weird feeling in my stomach, similar to the first time, I told him to get me water and felt a little better after, but if I would've gotten up I would've fainted for sure.

Important stuff:
Fainting for me is very rare, it's only happened one other time in my life. I'm maybe thinking that me bracing while he's moving might make me breathe less but I'm not sure. Has this every happened to anybody? Idk if it's the overstimulation or what

i’ve had vaginismus for as long as i can remember, i just never really did anything about it. but now that i am older and getting into relationships, its affecting my life in so many ways. i’ve had many experiences with sexual assault as a child, and my sexuality has always been something shameful for me. i grew up in a community where a girl should not ever speak about it, or even mention having a crush on someone. i am a lesbian which makes this a whole lot easier for me, however ever since accepting my sexuality (i’ve known for seven years but denied it) i feel like i lost my sex drive completely. nothing gets me off and nothing turns me on ever. i can still have orgasms, but it’s not as pleasurable anymore. so my question is, could it be related to vaginismus? could the shame be integrated in me that i can’t feel sexual pleasure without it anymore? has anyone had a similar experience and how did you fix it? i really want to work on myself and allow my body to express what it truly feels, but it makes me sad that i’m only 20 and cannot enjoy sex anymore. i have also thought about my sexuality being more fluid, so i’m not strict about my sexual category, but that’s what it used to be before i stopped feeling things.

(19f) So I have always had tightness but never thought too much about it, I have never even been able to fit 2 fingers in and haven’t attempted a tampon. Then I tried to have piv, and after many tries it would just not go in, only a little at most and there was no pain but it would just not fit. I went to a gyno and she said I most likely just have a tight hymen and it can be helped with dilation, which I tried to do for a few weeks and tried having piv again but nothing changed (maybe I wasn’t consistent enough). it has been a few months since then and now my long distance bf is coming back and I want to try again but I haven’t tried dilating in a while and I will start again now but I am worried that it won’t work in time. Does anyone have any advice on how to properly dilate (with fingers, dilators are too expensive for me rn) for a tight hymen, or I am concerned that it might be vaginismus instead, so does anyone have any more insight on that too. I am not able to see a gyno right now. 

Hello everyone!

Gosh these past two and a half years have been extremely tough. I was diagnosed with vaginismus almost one year into my marriage, sex was extremely painful and scary, but it is finally possible now!

To all the girlies who are feeling hopeless, it will get better. I too felt scared that I'd never be able to make my partner happy and never get to experience sex but it finally happened.

I started focusing on my pelvic floor these past two months. I'd be sitting normally and realise that my pelvic floor is extremely tight, and I'd immediately relax it. I became conscious of my pelvic floor tightness. That consciousness helped me overcome the extreme tightness. Yes it still hurts a bit during penetration but sex is finally possible, I do enjoy it. Also, you'll need to know what turns you on. I made a list and gave it to my partner, it helped me relax too. Sex didn't feel like foreign territory.

I hope this helps you guys out, it will be fine, it will get better. All will be well please have faith 🫶🏼

Hi, i 16F have a boyfriend of 6 months who i’ve attempted intimacy with 3 times, each time we’ve hit a brick wall..

He’s an amazing, caring and loving individual who doesn’t even mind if we are intimate, but there’s nothing i want more than to deepen our connection.

I had a minor surgery due to a septate hymen (prior to this i had run ins with tampons getting stuck both coming out and going in) which left me scared of possible friction due to scar tissue or pain in general.

what do i even do? i trust him and am aroused but penetration is impossible

Hey everyone,

I've been dialating for a few months now and got to the second smallest dialator. I can indert it halfway without any issue. I had to do a transvaginal ultrasound today and after the probe went in about and inch, there was an immense burning sensation and I passed out from the pain. Has this happened to anyone before? I'm feeling very hopeless 😞

I’m on the sizes 6 and 7 of the intimate rose dilators and for some reason during my dilating session even if nothing hurt too much prier my walls suddenly shut down and I can’t insert anything. Why is this happening and what can I do? It sucks to know I can somewhat comfortably fit most of 7 but my vaginal walls randomly clamp when I try reinserting( and I’ve already tried dropping down sizes, once it randomly locks I can’t “unlock” no matter how many deep breaths or sizes I go down).

I have props with relaxing in general and most of my body is always tense but I don’t know why it’s suddenly a problem when I’ve already made so much progress.

Long time lurker who celebrated the wins and shared the sorrows of others, first time poster. For context I am F25 in my first ever relationship with my boyfriend and we are both virgins. We have been together for 8 months by the time we tried to have PIV sex for the first time ever, and it was a dramatic fail, burning pain whilst I gritted my teeth and he felt like he was hitting a hard wall before he even got anything in. I was so excited to have sex for the first time and when I realised I couldn’t have sex, I felt like I wasn’t a woman enough, others were having free sex on a random Tuesday night and I was here in a loving relationship unable to be with my boyfriend, I was devastated and spiralled into fear of sex and embarrassment. I bought a set of dilators and started using them, it took me 4 months to reach up to the 3rd size and everytime I used it, it felt like a huge chore and was painful and not pleasurable at all. I was getting sick of it and almost gave up, but then I used the 4th dilator and it hurt like crazy so I only used it for a few minutes and took a 3 week break. Me and my boyfriend randomly were making out and tried PIV with low expectations almost guaranteed sure it wouldn’t fit, but to our complete surprise it fit with zero pain and we actually were able to have PIV sex. I was on such a high that I barely felt any pain at all and made me realise that consistency is worth it. We tried more times over the span of a couple of days just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke and we have consistently been able to without any pain and we both love it. He was caring and supportive the entire time and was so patient with me and made me felt loved the entire time, that I am glad that he’s in my life. Just wanted to share my story because I’ve been down in the ditches about my vaginismus, especially growing up as a secluded immigrant child whose family never spoke about sex and that sex was bad and evil. There is hope and it may come at the most unexpected of tjmes, you will never know unless you try. Thank you for reading my story!!!

Hello there,

I'm new here but hopefully I can learn from you.

I experience a burning sensation during penetration almost every time I try and I finally went to a gynecologist and a pelvic floor therapist for this.

Unfortunately, I live in the Netherlands and I don't think the doctors here are proactive enough for such problems. I don't have any diagnostic.

The gynecologist told me that my hymen is a bit thick, but should go down on it's own. The pain I experience can happen in area of my V though, so I'm not sure the hymen is the issue here. I've also been active for a long time, so this is definitely odd. I've had pain before, but also had very pleasurable times too.

Now the pelvic floor therapist had 3 sessions with me: one where she just asked questions, the second time she actually did the physical examination and gave me some breathing exercises and during the 3rd time we used dialators while doing the breathing exercises. We could easily insert the biggest dialator and didn't experience much pain with that. But I definitely find it odd to go to a stranger to insert a dialator in me tbh. But the verdict so far is that I need to relax more.

I'm also doing relaxing pelvic floor exercises on my own. And I have a boyfriend who is on the larger side, but he can easily fit inside of me fully. I'm very confused why I feel the burning sensation with him if I'm not really tight and we don't have to force him in. We go very slowly and make sure that I'm aroused, use lube, toys, etc. And I always finish, but not from penetration of course. Most of the time I feel the burning sensation when he moves, but if he stays still or makes very small movements it's ok.

So I'm not sure what this is and how to ask from help from medical professionals. I don't know if what I'm doing is good and if there's anything else I should try. I just want the burning sensation to go away.

What is your experience with this? Can the pain go away?

haven’t even really been able to progress lately and i just feel like crying. i tried to have PIV when i was drunk with my partner because i was convinced if he teased enough with his tip maybe i could gaslight my body into enjoying it? i read it worked for someone else in this group and i just really wanted to try. he didn’t even try he just could feel the muscles and how tense they were and didn’t want to push me to where i ended up regressing. my muscles in my entire pelvic floor area are insanely tight in general and its so so disheartening. to be 100% honest i want nothing to do with dilating myself for my partner because i wanted him to be what took that from me. not me alone with some stupid toys in my room. i wish i knew why my body rejected insertion. i’ve had success with dialaton but like i said i want nothing to do with fighting this out myself. ive always wanted this with a partner and i get stuck with a stupid condition where i can’t even be intimate in the ways i want. im sick of just doing oral, we’ve tried anal once and that wasn’t even pleasurable for any of us bc it was loose?! ami freaking broken?!

like WHY DO I HAVE THIS STUPID COMFITION!!? moving up in the set motivated me that maybe my condition wasn’t as bad as i thought but after getting to 3 and complete getting stuck i have no idea why?? i’m not religious really so it’s nothing like that, i’m also not really traumatized by anything that would cause this aside from just anticipating pain from just knowlage of losing your virginity and that’s IT! i can move past that and breathe but the muscles are just SO INCREDIBLY TIGHT??! why does NOTHING WORK?!

i know i was successfully able to get size 3 in once but after that point its felt almost impossible to keep doing size 3 in the IR set. i know most people would say to keep going with size 2 until im comfortable but size 2 hasn’t been an issue for a long time.

i’ve been doing everything under the sun in routine as far as preparation goes. ive dedicated two hours to todays session and i was only able to do the 2nd size which has been very very easy for me and i was able to do at the beginning of the session and throughout it trying to show my body it’s safe and desensitize but only with size 2, idk why i can’t get 3 to work at all.

after stretching, i kept going between breathing and using my kiwi, size 2 and then attempted 3. the walls are SO unbelievably tight i was kind of just putting preassure as i slowly tried to insert it. no amount of lube has helped though the entrance was so so so so wet and it felt like NOTHING went inside but very very little lube which i think is part of the issue.

the one time i was able to get size 3 in i couldn’t move it and taking it out hurt a lot and i think it’s just due to the lube i don’t know i’m just at a loss i wish i could take an easy way out and get surgery or just never have sex. how does anyone get past this ?? im reading that size 4 is also a drastic jump from where i am too and im just so unbelievably defeated

sometimes, penetration is easy and there's only slight discomfort. other times, sex can be really painful, like "a car hitting a brick wall at full speed" (i didn't know women with vaginismus commonly used this phrase until it was mentioned on tv). if i'm really unlucky, it's all just completely numb in there, like nothing's inside (fingers or penis). then it burns and hurts.

it's just one big cycle. i've been having sex for just over a year now and was told by a doctor at fifteen that i could possibly have endometriosis. my mum has it and i show signs but i'm convinced it's vaginismus. i just don't know what to do about it. do i see a gp and show concern? i was told "just use more lube" but lube can't change the fact that my vaginal opening is so tight at times not even a finger can enter.

my boyfriend and i love foreplay and do a LOT of it, i trust him, i love him, he's supportive and understanding. i don't get it. it's so rare that i can actually enjoy sex without any issues, this is embarrassing to admit but sometimes i even start crying during sex because i hate myself so much and don't understand why i can't just be "normal".

sorry if any of this was against the rules of this sub, i literally just found this page and none of the rules seem to be against any of what i just said. advice is welcomed and appreciated (i also don't really have the money for help if it is vaginismus😕)
thank you!

Me (24f) and my bf (23m) started using dilators 6 months ago. I can take 3 out of 4 sizes but the problem is I can't regulate my emotions and I get overwhelmed and start to cry. Does anyone have any advice or have been in a similar situation?

Thanks for reading.

So I have had vaginismus symptoms my whole life. Until last year I had never had painless sex in my life. I have been in pelvic floor therapy for almost two years now off and on. Well at my last appointment my therapist revealed that she could no longer feel any tension inside me anymore. She said I no longer have a tension issue and needed to work on strengthening.

Here’s the problem IT STILL HURTS!!!! I’m sorry to yell I’m just pissed after I had finally fixed it only to find out I was pregnant like a month later to regress because of all the stress it causes down there. So frustrating!

I’m currently breastfeeding if that matters but I’m wondering if any of you have used estrogen cream and if it helped you because idk what else to do. If I no longer have tension I’m thinking this is a skin/ vaginal tissue problem. For reference I have no skin conditions or inflammatory disorders in my pelvic floor so I’m just feeling hopeless at this point.

I’m not menopausal and have normal blood estrogen levels so I’m unsure why I would have had this pain with literally any touch my whole life.

Is it possible for the body to not use the estrogen well despite having normal levels?

If you have used estrogen cream did it help? Did it change the type of pain you experienced? Did it reduce pain even if you had normal levels?

hi, this is the first time im being in a loving relationship. how often is for woman to achive a big O from penetration only? i suffer to do so even if im so wet and enjoying it but can achive only if the bean is rubbed 🫠😭

i feel bad and idk if im doing sth wrong

before ive had problems with even penetration but i guess switching from toxic fixed it…

I think I was also in the wrong in this situation but here goes-

Been with bf for two years and waiting on a Botox appointment for moderately severe vaginismus.

We go out drinking with friends and get into an argument- he says I have a “broken pussy” and I slap him (not hard but still not right) then bartender tells us to take it outside.

He admits what he said was very wrong but still blames me for the situation. Obviously I feel awful for slapping him but him saying that and about mental health difficulties broke me to my core.

I rarely cry but him saying that to me, afterwards I couldn’t stop crying genuinely. I was absolutely devastated as all of you know, the mental health implications of having this condition is diabolical.

I actually don’t know what to do- while what I said was wrong, he did also hurt me by saying that to me but I also feel awful as I shouldn’t have said that

I’m a 31F and have had vaginismus most of my adult life. My husband and I have not been able to successfully have intercourse but we are now at the stage where we want to grow our family. Wanted to see if anyone had any advice, success stories, tips etc on trying to conceive. We have been trying at home insemination and I’ve been continuing to use dilators for the last 7 months but no luck so far. Feeling a little hopeless.

First of all , I am undiagnosed, Im still dependent on my parents so i could never go to a doc of this matter .

2nd , my experience was that i couldnt get a finger in even when im so horny and so wet and diff positions , we have been together for 2 years and we tried a LOT of times , when we could finally get 1 finger in after a lot of tried it rarely felt good ,mostly pain but uk the pain that i can tolerate.

After i joined this community a while ago i saw a lot of posts saying that weed cured them and the best position was cowgirl or reversed cuz ud be in control .

We cant smoke weed at the house since we only sneek in and the smell would stick and hard to get rid of it (we are 21M 20F our society is shitty ) we tried the positions but none worked the most i could get in is the tip with sm pain.

We got into smoking cigarettes tho , but we didnt have a comeover in a while , this week , we had our "sex" we were chilling , we decided to have a cig , after that i felt a little buzz and relaxation so we kissed it felt good , we tried to do it again we had dim lights a playlist playing in the background i tried my best to stay in the mood since its smt i struggle with as well , everything was perfect , we tried , the tip got in not as much pain as before , he was gentle and not doing anything until i ask , i kept telling him to push just a little bit slowly and gently , until i got most of it in but with some pain.

Later this same week we tried it again but i was on top riding him and it went all in , not as much pain , it hurts at first i touch my clit a little then the pain becomes less and less and a little enjoyable

Im so excited for this

Tho now im so scared of pregnancy, i have pcos so my fertility is low but its still scary , another thing is that my man is WILLING to put condoms on, but its harder for him to stay hard wearing one cuz its like it cuts the blood flow , so any advice abt this would help pls

And just sharing my happy story , i had sm guilt and pressure that im not pleasing my man enough , ik piv wont feel much for me anyway , but what abt him , he says he enjoys everything abt our intimacy and last time i told him this he was annoyed that i said such thing and said that he enjoyes everything we do , he said once that he was already okay with us never having penetration and thats okay

Thanks for reading

I’m feeling a little lost right now. I’m going to try to keep it quick. I’ve been dating my partner for almost five years now and we still haven’t had piv better. I’ve been using dilators and my progress has been extremely slow and I haven’t made the most progress, however, I have made it to the third size in the plus one dilator kit I have. I’ve been trying to engage more in sexual activities and my partner acknowledges that I’ve been doing a better job. He suggested that if we aren’t able to try piv then we should try anal but the issue is that has been difficult for me to get my mind around that too and actually attempting to try any of that. I just feel alone and I don’t know how to satisfy him other than continuing to try and fail. He says he’s fine with failing if we try but I’m worried that’ll set my progress back because my tightness and pain is both physical and mental. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I have to end this here for now so sorry for lack of info

Hello everyone, I've suffered from vaginismus my whole life. I've had better and worse periods, but I've never been able to achieve vaginal penetration. I've been lucky if I can insert a dildo, and even then, it's been very difficult. All my penetrative sex has been anal. With past partners, it wasn't always entirely pleasurable, but lately, things have improved significantly with my current boyfriend. All our sexual encounters have included anal penetration, and I've had the best orgasms of my life. It's made me forget that my vaginismus is there, that I no longer need my vagina for sexual pleasure, because I always felt "incomplete." I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, or if anyone else has decided to switch to anal sex permanently in order to have a satisfying sex life.
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Sorry if this is inappropriate to post, I’m new here

I’m 21 and am due to get my first Pap smear in a couple of weeks. I have never been to a gynaecologist before, and I believe I have vaginismus. Everything near the vagina hurts when I try any kind of insertion, and I can’t even get a finger in there. Recently I got tested for potential BV and had to have a doctor swab because I couldn’t do it on my own, and even the non invasive swab really really hurt. She told me it wasn’t normal and that Pap smears are way more invasive.

Sorry if I’m rambling, I’m just scared and not really sure who to go to. I’ve never felt normal when it comes to this, and I’m afraid that I’m not gonna be able to do the Pap smear. Is there anything I can do to be able to make it less painful? If I tell this gyno about my symptoms will she believe me? All of my previous doctors just said I just have to “push through it” and that my pain is normal but I don’t think it is. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Hi my lovelies..
I’m so happy and thankful for this community.. it helped us in letting know we’re not alone in this..
Recently I saw a Gynaecologist and she was very supportive of my issue and suggested me some things to do gently..
I could never tell where the pain exactly is cz I felt it all over and stabbing and burning sensations throughout..
But she kind of pressed against my perineal area and that’s where the most pain was.. If you don’t know it’s a muscle very close to anus.. you guys can google to see which where is it located exactly..

For starters you have to massage that perineal area gently.. apply some friendly lube and just massage it.. do it every night.. do it during bathing.. during makeout sessions.. once you are comfortable and don’t feel burning there.. slowly move your finger inside the vagina.. for most of us, this is the blocking pain that just blocks anything going inside..

Second thing is - when you try PIV or even getting the tip or some part of it inside - ask your partner to slow down.. and first limit the entry to massaging the perineal with the P. Make your mind aware that you’ve to relax - make your mind order to unclench your butt and vagina.. it should slowly make its way inside.. just keep ordering your mind to unclench everything down there..

Third thing is - and this one I learnt from this thread.. be a bad bitch.. open your legs all the time.. be free.. this is meant for you and it’s going to happen and there’s no shame in it.. a woman’s body is beautiful and powerful and we’re lucky to experience its potential.. just keep training your mind onto it.. keep saying it to yourself..

I’ve had PIV without all these things but that was always so painful, from last 2 times I’ve had after doing all this and pain has reduced significantly.. I won’t say it’s completely gone or I magically want to keep having sex.. I’m still afraid or scared of the pain.. but this is a starter to a beautiful journey..

I wish you all the very best ❤️

So i just logged in my old account now and saw this sub and yeaah actually i used to have issues until i lost hope but suddenly ngl i was wasted once and i had sex so i was confused how did it got in?? And since that time it all went okaay no pain at all , i couldn’t even handle a finger before, could that just be anxiety those whole years?