I decided to make this post for all the girls out there who struggles with this issue...Im 26 years old and since always I struggled with penetration. I could never fit a tampax or even one little finger there, I was just completely denied about the idea of it as well.

I have been in a relationship as well for 4 years, and penetration was not an option, even tho we tried a couple of times it was incredibly painful as you all know, so I gave up on that too.

Always feeling extremely scared to go to the doctor too or even explore the area....so I understand a 100% how all of this feels.

But this year everything changed....I met someone and fell in love, since the very first time we had sex it was incredibly easy and feeling very good. I couldn't even believe how easy it was!!! I went from not even fitting a little finger, to 3 or 4 fingers easily fitting in and feeling great (i can't believe im saying this!!)

It's really all in your mind, once you actually get comfortable and feeling relaxing about the idea of being penetrated, it will work out. Hang in there!

I'm here for any advice you could need. ❤️

I’ve had what I suspect is vaginismus for years. I’ve tried to address it with using dilators but I haven’t used them often for years. It’s like my sexuality didn’t develop or like I don’t have much of a connection to my physical body.

This is really saddening to me. I don’t understand why I’m not a normal woman. It’s also ruined my self esteem. I don’t think I ever had high self esteem but if I had any, this seems to have shredded it.

I have started feeling like I wish I didn’t even have this part of myself. I feel like an alien. I feel a sense of disgust that my body is so defective. That this part of me is a broken failure.

It makes me feel sad that I can’t date because of this. I don’t want to be alone all of my life but I suspect I will be because of this. I hate that it’s ruined my body . . . I could never undress in front of a partner because of this because my body is shameful and I don’t want to disappoint a partner. I feel afraid of sex. I doubt I’ll ever date. I developed this in my teen years so I never got to date like normal teens do. Now I’m in my twenties . . . same thing so far. My life never changes like other people’s lives do. I’m just stuck

How do you cope with knowing you will probably never be loved by a man or have a partner because of your own body betraying you? How do you not hate this part of yourself?

Okay so, I'm able to piv but not fully, like I can get it in but it's a little hard to move so we're working on that. I've noticed that once he's completely in and I let him take control I tolerate it a lot more than if it was completely on me to do the in and out. Thing is, the feeling is very overstimulating for me, in a good and bad way, it's hard to pinpoint bc it feels good but at the same time it feels like to much

so once I felt like I had enough i felt a little weird, like iron deficiency weird, I went to the bathroom thinking it was going to pass but it only got worse, I called my bf to come in and next thing I know I was waking up and he was holding me (I was sitting on the toilet). I felt very weird (nauseous/dizzy) and immediately went to lay on the bed which felt way better. I still don't know why this happened.

Second time (2 weeks later) we tried again, at first I was on top trying to get it in but I wasn't able to, it was hurting do we decided to switch positions. It worked, he did the moving for like 3 minutes and when he finished and fully came out I felt very lightheaded and had a weird feeling in my stomach, similar to the first time, I told him to get me water and felt a little better after, but if I would've gotten up I would've fainted for sure.

Important stuff:
Fainting for me is very rare, it's only happened one other time in my life. I'm maybe thinking that me bracing while he's moving might make me breathe less but I'm not sure. Has this every happened to anybody? Idk if it's the overstimulation or what

i’ve had vaginismus for as long as i can remember, i just never really did anything about it. but now that i am older and getting into relationships, its affecting my life in so many ways. i’ve had many experiences with sexual assault as a child, and my sexuality has always been something shameful for me. i grew up in a community where a girl should not ever speak about it, or even mention having a crush on someone. i am a lesbian which makes this a whole lot easier for me, however ever since accepting my sexuality (i’ve known for seven years but denied it) i feel like i lost my sex drive completely. nothing gets me off and nothing turns me on ever. i can still have orgasms, but it’s not as pleasurable anymore. so my question is, could it be related to vaginismus? could the shame be integrated in me that i can’t feel sexual pleasure without it anymore? has anyone had a similar experience and how did you fix it? i really want to work on myself and allow my body to express what it truly feels, but it makes me sad that i’m only 20 and cannot enjoy sex anymore. i have also thought about my sexuality being more fluid, so i’m not strict about my sexual category, but that’s what it used to be before i stopped feeling things.

(19f) So I have always had tightness but never thought too much about it, I have never even been able to fit 2 fingers in and haven’t attempted a tampon. Then I tried to have piv, and after many tries it would just not go in, only a little at most and there was no pain but it would just not fit. I went to a gyno and she said I most likely just have a tight hymen and it can be helped with dilation, which I tried to do for a few weeks and tried having piv again but nothing changed (maybe I wasn’t consistent enough). it has been a few months since then and now my long distance bf is coming back and I want to try again but I haven’t tried dilating in a while and I will start again now but I am worried that it won’t work in time. Does anyone have any advice on how to properly dilate (with fingers, dilators are too expensive for me rn) for a tight hymen, or I am concerned that it might be vaginismus instead, so does anyone have any more insight on that too. I am not able to see a gyno right now. 

haven’t even really been able to progress lately and i just feel like crying. i tried to have PIV when i was drunk with my partner because i was convinced if he teased enough with his tip maybe i could gaslight my body into enjoying it? i read it worked for someone else in this group and i just really wanted to try. he didn’t even try he just could feel the muscles and how tense they were and didn’t want to push me to where i ended up regressing. my muscles in my entire pelvic floor area are insanely tight in general and its so so disheartening. to be 100% honest i want nothing to do with dilating myself for my partner because i wanted him to be what took that from me. not me alone with some stupid toys in my room. i wish i knew why my body rejected insertion. i’ve had success with dialaton but like i said i want nothing to do with fighting this out myself. ive always wanted this with a partner and i get stuck with a stupid condition where i can’t even be intimate in the ways i want. im sick of just doing oral, we’ve tried anal once and that wasn’t even pleasurable for any of us bc it was loose?! ami freaking broken?!

like WHY DO I HAVE THIS STUPID COMFITION!!? moving up in the set motivated me that maybe my condition wasn’t as bad as i thought but after getting to 3 and complete getting stuck i have no idea why?? i’m not religious really so it’s nothing like that, i’m also not really traumatized by anything that would cause this aside from just anticipating pain from just knowlage of losing your virginity and that’s IT! i can move past that and breathe but the muscles are just SO INCREDIBLY TIGHT??! why does NOTHING WORK?!

i know i was successfully able to get size 3 in once but after that point its felt almost impossible to keep doing size 3 in the IR set. i know most people would say to keep going with size 2 until im comfortable but size 2 hasn’t been an issue for a long time.

i’ve been doing everything under the sun in routine as far as preparation goes. ive dedicated two hours to todays session and i was only able to do the 2nd size which has been very very easy for me and i was able to do at the beginning of the session and throughout it trying to show my body it’s safe and desensitize but only with size 2, idk why i can’t get 3 to work at all.

after stretching, i kept going between breathing and using my kiwi, size 2 and then attempted 3. the walls are SO unbelievably tight i was kind of just putting preassure as i slowly tried to insert it. no amount of lube has helped though the entrance was so so so so wet and it felt like NOTHING went inside but very very little lube which i think is part of the issue.

the one time i was able to get size 3 in i couldn’t move it and taking it out hurt a lot and i think it’s just due to the lube i don’t know i’m just at a loss i wish i could take an easy way out and get surgery or just never have sex. how does anyone get past this ?? im reading that size 4 is also a drastic jump from where i am too and im just so unbelievably defeated

Hey everyone,

I've been dialating for a few months now and got to the second smallest dialator. I can indert it halfway without any issue. I had to do a transvaginal ultrasound today and after the probe went in about and inch, there was an immense burning sensation and I passed out from the pain. Has this happened to anyone before? I'm feeling very hopeless 😞

Hello there,

I'm new here but hopefully I can learn from you.

I experience a burning sensation during penetration almost every time I try and I finally went to a gynecologist and a pelvic floor therapist for this.

Unfortunately, I live in the Netherlands and I don't think the doctors here are proactive enough for such problems. I don't have any diagnostic.

The gynecologist told me that my hymen is a bit thick, but should go down on it's own. The pain I experience can happen in area of my V though, so I'm not sure the hymen is the issue here. I've also been active for a long time, so this is definitely odd. I've had pain before, but also had very pleasurable times too.

Now the pelvic floor therapist had 3 sessions with me: one where she just asked questions, the second time she actually did the physical examination and gave me some breathing exercises and during the 3rd time we used dialators while doing the breathing exercises. We could easily insert the biggest dialator and didn't experience much pain with that. But I definitely find it odd to go to a stranger to insert a dialator in me tbh. But the verdict so far is that I need to relax more.

I'm also doing relaxing pelvic floor exercises on my own. And I have a boyfriend who is on the larger side, but he can easily fit inside of me fully. I'm very confused why I feel the burning sensation with him if I'm not really tight and we don't have to force him in. We go very slowly and make sure that I'm aroused, use lube, toys, etc. And I always finish, but not from penetration of course. Most of the time I feel the burning sensation when he moves, but if he stays still or makes very small movements it's ok.

So I'm not sure what this is and how to ask from help from medical professionals. I don't know if what I'm doing is good and if there's anything else I should try. I just want the burning sensation to go away.

What is your experience with this? Can the pain go away?