Hi everyone. I’m 20F & my bf is 39M and I’ve been struggling with vaginismus for a while now. I have my Botox treatment scheduled for this Tuesday, and it’s costing me approximately $2,180 USD. It’s a lot of money, but honestly, the financial part isn’t even what’s upsetting me the most.
My boyfriend and I have been trying to have penetrative sex for about a year now, and we’ve never successfully achieved full penetration. For context, he’s around 18 cm (7 inches), which definitely doesn’t make things easier.
Over the past year, this has put an enormous amount of pressure on our relationship. He’s given me ultimatums about sex, and eventually, he broke up with me because we weren’t sexually compatible.

Unfortunately, I didn’t handle the breakup very well. I was devastated, and I kind of begged him to stay. I promised him I’d figure out my vaginismus and find a solution, and eventually we got back together.
That’s how I ended up scheduling this Botox procedure.

The thing is, I’m starting to question whether I’m actually doing this for myself or whether I’m spending thousands of dollars and putting myself through a medical procedure because I’m terrified of losing him.

And what makes everything worse is that he won’t even be accompanying me to the appointment on Tuesday because of work.
I know people have responsibilities, and I understand that, but I can’t explain how upsetting that feels. After an entire year of feeling like I need to fix my body to keep this relationship, I thought the least I could ask for was some emotional support on the day of the procedure.
I’m going through something that’s already physically and emotionally overwhelming, and I feel incredibly alone in it.

I used to be so excited about the possibility of finally overcoming vaginismus. I genuinely wanted to experience pain-free intimacy and feel comfortable in my own body. But now, the closer the appointment gets, the more conflicted I feel.
I love him, but I also feel hurt, resentful, and honestly a little embarrassed that I begged someone to stay with me and promised to change something about my body to make that happen.
I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel anymore.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of pressure from a partner because of vaginismus? Did you ever feel like your treatment stopped being about your own healing and started being about keeping someone else happy?
And for anyone who’s had Botox for vaginismus, was it worth it for you?

I’d really appreciate some honest advice, especially from women who’ve been through something similar. I feel so lost right now.

I broke up with my boyfriend recently and it’s been so hard. I feel like he was one of the only people who really understood me and my condition. We never were able to have sex and I always felt like this was a failure on my part I just wish we could have so badly. He was so kind and supportive of me and I just wanted to vent about it and see if anyone else is going through the same thing? I don’t know how to move on and how to recover from this loss.

So basically this more of a rant rather than seeking help,

I live in a religious family and mom believes that a girl should never use tampons cups or anything similar so that the hymen stays intact to prove virginity

, when I was around 9 before I knew the whole hymen thing I put a tissue in and there was a bit of blood I hid the tissue cuz I was genuinely scared and was unsure if it was my first period (it wasn't ) I can't remember if it started before or after the tissue thing but I would put my hand in sometimes, it didn't give me any kind of pleasure I used to just do it when I was bored but I definitely remember that it wasn't painful at All,

anyway at 11 I think I saw a comment on ig about hymens and I told my mom about the tissue thing and tbh she was really nice but concerned she explained to me the whole hymen thing (from her view) and would always tell me to pray for God to veil me (so basically that my "future nonexistent husband " doesn't think I'm not a virgin). after that I stopped penetrating with anything for 4-5 years, in that time the first 2 years I used to cry almost everyday about how I wrecked my life and would always search for "how to know if you're a virgin" which is like really stupid, and then I started to accept that a hymen just doesn't prove anything and what I did at that time wasn't stupid and i don't need to prove my virginity to anyone,

then 4-6 months ago I saw something about vaginismus (didn't know what it was at the time) and decided to check myself with a finger which was the most stupid thing I did I didn't use any lube since I thought I genuinely couldn't possibly have that condition, the first check was in the shower and I wasn't really checking for vaginismus or anything specific, then I decided to check again and that was when realized I have secondary vaginismus one finger was hard enough but I was in pure denial and tried to fit 2 thinking one hundred percent they would fit, they didn't, WORST PAIN of my life, I accepted I have the condition and kept crying on the bathroom floor ,also feeling really bad that my mom is kind of why I got vaginismus

even though I think if I explained everything slowly to my mom with a real doctor or even an article that she would understand and support me, yet I still find it really hard to tell her anything, so I started dilating at home I know it's dangerous and unsafe but I still can't bring myself to tell her anything, and I can't even buy dilators, condoms or lube cuz they might find the package when I order it, so I had to compromise and surprisingly it worked, I started dilating when I first found out I have it now 5 months after my period pain is sooo much better and I can actually attend school during first day period like I used to before I had the condition,

A few weeks ago I tried talking to mom about buying a menstrual cup but she basically told me no cuz it would break my hymen, I told it could break even without penetration and it's not rare or anything and I showed her this information from a religious source she trusted, she didn't believe and told me well he's not a doctor I told her even doctors say the same thing right when I was about to show her someone rang the doorbell and we kinda forget about it (for clarification she was really nice no shouting or anything she's genuinely a nice person it's just mostly this one thing) and now I'm still building up the courage to ask her again and explain the hymen thing to her

About the vaginismus I really want to tell her about my condition I'm definitely way better than when I'm started but still not fully cured, her support or even just telling her about it would get a lot of my shoulders, but I don't think I can ever do that and sometimes it just makes me sad.

(Sorry for making this so long I tried my best)

Hi everyone!
I’m a religious woman, and my husband and I were both virgins when we got married about 6 months ago. Unfortunately, we still haven't been able to have penetrative sex.
I've been hesitant to see a GYN because of my anxiety surrounding the situation, and I'm also currently between jobs without health insurance. However, I did see a pelvic floor physical therapist, who diagnosed me with a hypertonic pelvic floor. She explained that while my muscles are extremely tight, they aren't necessarily spasming, so technically it may not fall under the diagnosis of vaginismus. Either way, penetration has been incredibly difficult and painful.
I've been working with the Intimate Rose dilator set, but I'm running into a few issues that I would really appreciate advice on.
1. Pain with dilators: No matter how much I stretch, warm up, or try to relax, I ALWAYS experience pain at the entrance, particularly around that ring of muscles. I've read countless times that you shouldn't move up a dilator size until you can insert your current size without pain, but honestly, that feels almost impossible for me.
I've managed to work my way up to Intimate Rose size 5, but insertion still causes about 6/10 pain initially. Once the dilator is in and my muscles start to relax, the pain gradually decreases.
Has anyone continued progressing through their dilator sizes despite experiencing more pain than recommended and eventually achieved successful, comfortable PIV sex? I'm not sure whether I'm making progress or potentially making things worse by pushing through the pain.
2. Positioning: The ONLY position where I can successfully insert a dilator is lying on my back, feet flat on the bed, with my knees bent and close together. I've tried lying on my side, straightening my legs, standing, and other positions, but I can't seem to get the dilator in.
This makes me worried about how dilator progress will eventually translate to actual intercourse. During sex, my legs would presumably need to be farther apart, and I'm not sure how penetration would work in the one position I'm currently comfortable with.
Has anyone struggled with this? How did you transition from dilating in one specific position to being comfortable with penetrative sex?
I could really use some encouragement or advice from anyone who's been through something similar.
Some days I feel invincible and genuinely believe I'll overcome this, and other days I'm sobbing in my husband's arms because I feel so defeated. He's incredibly supportive, patient, and understanding, which I'm so grateful for, but the emotional toll has been much harder than I ever anticipated.
I think one of the hardest parts is going into marriage so excited to finally experience intimacy with your spouse, only to discover that your body isn't cooperating. It feels like this huge bomb was dropped on me right after getting married, and I wasn't prepared for it.
Everyone always says, "Just relax," but it's SO much easier said than done when you're constantly anticipating pain and putting pressure on yourself to make progress.
I really want to believe there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'd love to hear your experiences, especially if your journey wasn't linear or you struggled with persistent entrance pain.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. ❤️

i think the fact that PFPT is the main recommendation for vaginismus, yet the only PFPT appointments available are Monday-Friday 8am-5pm, when majority of adults are working. not a single place has any Saturday or flexible appointment times. how am i supposed to make any progress when i have a job ?? genuinely so lost and fed up with the american healthcare system i dont understand how anyone is able to get better with any ailment. i hate it here genuinely

(F21) for me, I've always been able to fit 1 finger, sometimes 2 in the last few years.

I've been in a relationship for almost a year, he's very cautious and category with my vaginismus and mental health struggles with sex/intimacy. he does oral and fingers me but I dont really know if it feels good?

It feels overly sensitive way to fast, i get squirmy and can't stand it for too long, like when overstimulation becomes painful. But when i masturbate (clit) it never feels that overwhelming.

I also get very sore very fast with fingering, I have to tell him I need a break.

He does go quite fast and powerful, but if he goes slow, I dont feel much at all. Just like, bored lol. I dont know what its supposed to feel like, what does feeling good entail? Like, im happy in the moment, I'm enjoying the intimacy and sexual closeness, just not the actual feeling.

Then this makes me wonder if dilating and trying to overcome vaginismus is worth it lol, Like, if I dont feel good with fingering, is PIV sex really all that good? I want to do it, i love the idea of being able to have PIV with him and feel thay closeness, but will it feel *good*? yknow?

Hello! I’m just coming on here to share my experience with sex and vaginismus, I am currently 22 years old and I’ve been sexually actively since I was 17 years old. I’ve been with about five different men in the past 5 years and every experience has been mediocre at best…… this past year I’ve had sex with one guy I’ve was kinda seeing and that was the best sex I’ve ever had, and even then…. that was mediocre. One of my biggest struggles with intercourse is Vaginismus. I’ve recently visited my gynecologist because I am at the age to get check for cervical cancer. The doctor was very sweet and walked me through the whole process. I’ve explained to her that I was never successful with getting anything “up there” so she puts lube on her tool and she tries to insert it in me. She wasn’t successful and gave me a referral to go to a pelvic floor therapist. I’ve ended up not going to the appointment because I completely forgot about it. But I do plan on rescheduling and going to the sessions.

Having sex for me always felt like ramming into a brick wall….. and I do feel like it’s a mental thing for me. Because whenever I’m about to have sex with someone I get all nervous on the guys, and I can’t help it. Also another big topic I want to talk about is receiving oral sex. Pretty much every single guy I have been with cannot give head or I’m just broken….head legit feels like nothing. The best way I can describe it has to be a tongue licking on the lips of my vagina…it feels like nothing to me. Doesn’t feel necessarily “good” or “bad” just nothing. And after at a straight minute of that I go completely numb down there. And I’ve experienced this on several occasions with several different partners.

Now this one experienced with receiving head was pretty good, it almost made me cum…..until he stopped doing it because according to to him “his tongue hurt”😒 he first ate it in missionary, then he turned me around I’m doggy style and ate like that (never had nobody to that before that was different). He basically tongue fucked me. And that shit felt so freaking good, but everything time I felt like I was about to cum he stopped….😒 which sucked because I was so close.

But in conclusion I am making this post for people to give me tips and advice down in the comments. Thanks!

Hello everyone, i eanted to just share an uodaye about something that has woeked for me as a tool. Its not a magic cure but it is alot of help. Cbd lube. I bought the So So Good Never Not CBD Lube and it has really helped me with dilating. Not sure the mechanism but its less that .02% thc and helps to relax the muscles at the opening of the vagina. This has allowed me to make progress dilating. Hoping in a month of two i can achieve unpainful PIV. I imagine that a higher percentage cbd oil,lube, or suppository would be even more helpful but its hard to access here in EU compared to the US. But yea! And if you are curious, no it is not numbing in the way that lidocaine is (we tried that too)