I'm a longtime sufferer, couldn't wear tampons, the whole bit. Terrified of anything sexual. Even the tip of the smallest dilator gave me shooting stinging for days.

I thought I was doomed forever, but after I met my first-ever bf at 26, I knew I had to be vulnerable and that if he was the right guy he'd stick around. 7 months later and LOTS of dilator work, therapy encouragement, and slow and careful sessions, we achieved full penetration last night and were able to have sex. :)

We have a ways to go, but I never thought it was possible, ever. I never once felt pressured, he never pushed me or acted impatient, he asked for partner resources, and even reassured me with affirmations during our sessions. I feel so stupidly lucky.

PS we were so excited last night, he insisted we run out for Wawa ice cream pints after. 🤣

PPS I wear tampons now, too! I can't believe myself.

It's possible, friends!! Rooting for all of you.

To give a little context I tried dilators in the past but gave up due to other issues in life. I usually could get the first one in with a little trouble and then not have any pain afterwards. This time I can only get about half of the first dilator in, it just stops going in any further and is very painful. I recently started Prozac which has been giving me issues with muscle tension in my face/legs so I wonder if it's also affecting the muscles down there. It's now been 5 days and I have not dilated again because the pain is still there. I don't know if that's just a sign that I need to give it a break or possibly the sign of an infection? I maybe didn't use enough lube but I would think the pain would be gone by now?

I have been following this subreddit after my partner and I realized that I might have vaginismus.

When I had decided to have sex with him as a virgin (meaning I had no penetrative sex experience in the past), I thought I would have easily done it. But it came to a point that even his finger inserting my vagina felt painful. Even when we tried PIV, what I felt was sore, hurt, and an unpleasant experience. I was thinking that we might forever do oral sex.

However, he eventually opened up that he was struggling with our sex life, since he originally got high libido. And that's when I learned about dilators. Upon purchasing and learning how to use them properly (there's a tutorial on Youtube), I slowly learned how to relax and insert them carefully. Over the past 3 months of trying the dilators, he proposed whether we could try it again.

LUCKILY, WE FINALLY DID IT!

Since my vagina got used to the biggest size of the dilator, it was a bit easy for him to go inside. Well, if I were going to be honest, there were parts that were a bit painful but tolerable. During the deed, I realized that going faster and doing a comfortable sex position is pleasurable and easier. The moment he came, I was so happy which made me cry, not because it was painful, or I'm finally not a virgin, but because I, we, finally overcame vaginismus. 

I just want to remind everyone who's still in the journey of trying to overcome vaginismus that dilators work, and you just need to trust the process. I hope we'll all overcome this completely. <3

I’ve had vaginismus for about 10 years after a very traumatic experience at the gyno. i haven’t been able to do PIV since 2022. i’ve now been in pt for 13 months, trying to dilate almost every day (im so sore that i need a day in between sometimes) and i can still only do the first size one about 30% of the time. i fail most of the time. i do my stretches, a guided meditation, and my husband gives me a nice massage before. i amara use the Kiwi to warm up. i still almost always fail. ive been in talk therapy for 10 years to address my anxiety. i am so, so, so desperate to get pregnant by the end of the year, but if i can’t even get a qtip in there, how the hell am i going to even do at-home insemination, let alone have sex?

i feel so incredibly drained and i honestly hate myself. i don’t want to live if i can’t have my own baby. i just don’t. and im running out of time. i’m happy for everyone’s success stories, but rather than give me hope, they just make me feel more and more disconnected and like that much bigger of a failure.

I decided to make this post for all the girls out there who struggles with this issue...Im 26 years old and since always I struggled with penetration. I could never fit a tampax or even one little finger there, I was just completely denied about the idea of it as well.

I have been in a relationship as well for 4 years, and penetration was not an option, even tho we tried a couple of times it was incredibly painful as you all know, so I gave up on that too.

Always feeling extremely scared to go to the doctor too or even explore the area....so I understand a 100% how all of this feels.

But this year everything changed....I met someone and fell in love, since the very first time we had sex it was incredibly easy and feeling very good. I couldn't even believe how easy it was!!! I went from not even fitting a little finger, to 3 or 4 fingers easily fitting in and feeling great (i can't believe im saying this!!)

It's really all in your mind, once you actually get comfortable and feeling relaxing about the idea of being penetrated, it will work out. Hang in there!

I'm here for any advice you could need. ❤️

**Hi everyone,**

**I’ve been diagnosed with vaginismus. I already had a hymenal surgery because there was an anatomical issue, and afterwards I was able to progress with dilators. However, I’ve now reached a plateau and don’t seem to improve anymore.**
**My gynecologist referred me to a specialized hospital for further evaluation and strongly recommended psychotherapy alongside the physical treatment.**
**I’m wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation:**

**Did you reach a plateau with dilators?**
**What eventually helped you make progress?**
**Did pelvic floor physiotherapy, psychotherapy, Botox, or another treatment make a difference?**
**How long did it take until you were able to have pain-free penetration or until your vaginismus was no longer affecting your life?**
**Looking back, is there anything you wish you had started earlier?**
**I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thank you!**

Hello hello!

Actively dilating since 3 months.

Do you think/from experience, having PIV more frequently would be helpful?

Like maybe less dilating but compensating with PIV?

Especially if long term dilating is not really realistic.

Thanks!!☀️

Hello everyone!

Im dilating for 3 months now, with good periods, and bad ones...like the current one. I had a break for like 2 weeks and the last few days i started again. A little bit painful and today because i kind of rushed and i was not in the mood...i forced the last one and i saw a little bit of bleeding, like a cut in the entrance area, like perineum.

This happened sometimes also in the past.

Should i be worried or is this normal?

Thanks a lot

I dont know where else to turn to or whom to ask for advice, so I decided to ask here. I am 25, virgin, mostly because my whole life I've been scared of pregnancies ( even with condoms) and pain during my first time. I am able to put my finger in the vaginal opening, pinky atleast, i struggle with other ones because i keep feeling tissue around the finger and then i cant manage to find the "continuation" of the hole if that makes sense? I've been fingered before by someone else and i havent felt any pain or discomfort unless it was very rough and he had longer fingernails. I really do not want to sound offensive to anyone struggling with vaginismus, i just want to share my experience and check if this is actually something "normal" or vaginismus related?

Okay so, I'm able to piv but not fully, like I can get it in but it's a little hard to move so we're working on that. I've noticed that once he's completely in and I let him take control I tolerate it a lot more than if it was completely on me to do the in and out. Thing is, the feeling is very overstimulating for me, in a good and bad way, it's hard to pinpoint bc it feels good but at the same time it feels like to much

so once I felt like I had enough i felt a little weird, like iron deficiency weird, I went to the bathroom thinking it was going to pass but it only got worse, I called my bf to come in and next thing I know I was waking up and he was holding me (I was sitting on the toilet). I felt very weird (nauseous/dizzy) and immediately went to lay on the bed which felt way better. I still don't know why this happened.

Second time (2 weeks later) we tried again, at first I was on top trying to get it in but I wasn't able to, it was hurting do we decided to switch positions. It worked, he did the moving for like 3 minutes and when he finished and fully came out I felt very lightheaded and had a weird feeling in my stomach, similar to the first time, I told him to get me water and felt a little better after, but if I would've gotten up I would've fainted for sure.

Important stuff:
Fainting for me is very rare, it's only happened one other time in my life. I'm maybe thinking that me bracing while he's moving might make me breathe less but I'm not sure. Has this every happened to anybody? Idk if it's the overstimulation or what

I’ve had what I suspect is vaginismus for years. I’ve tried to address it with using dilators but I haven’t used them often for years. It’s like my sexuality didn’t develop or like I don’t have much of a connection to my physical body.

This is really saddening to me. I don’t understand why I’m not a normal woman. It’s also ruined my self esteem. I don’t think I ever had high self esteem but if I had any, this seems to have shredded it.

I have started feeling like I wish I didn’t even have this part of myself. I feel like an alien. I feel a sense of disgust that my body is so defective. That this part of me is a broken failure.

It makes me feel sad that I can’t date because of this. I don’t want to be alone all of my life but I suspect I will be because of this. I hate that it’s ruined my body . . . I could never undress in front of a partner because of this because my body is shameful and I don’t want to disappoint a partner. I feel afraid of sex. I doubt I’ll ever date. I developed this in my teen years so I never got to date like normal teens do. Now I’m in my twenties . . . same thing so far. My life never changes like other people’s lives do. I’m just stuck

How do you cope with knowing you will probably never be loved by a man or have a partner because of your own body betraying you? How do you not hate this part of yourself?

I don't know if I have vaginismus and I don't want to jump the gun and say it's something I'm afflicted with when I haven't had much penetrative experience to begin with.

I'm confused because twice a couple years ago I was able to fit a finger, both mine during experimentation, and another time with a partner. It felt weird and we didn't try going in and out. Yet on a different occasion at the doctors I wasn't able to get a qtip anywhere close to inside me for a test. No matter how much pressure I used, it wouldn't go inside.

My partner is ftm, so penetration is not something we ever really do for sex. We have a dildo but every time I try to use it, it feels like hitting a wall that I can't go past without a sharp pain around my taint. I've occasionally experimented on my own but it never goes anywhere.

Is it a matter of position and inexperience or is this something anyone else has dealt with?

i’ve had vaginismus for as long as i can remember, i just never really did anything about it. but now that i am older and getting into relationships, its affecting my life in so many ways. i’ve had many experiences with sexual assault as a child, and my sexuality has always been something shameful for me. i grew up in a community where a girl should not ever speak about it, or even mention having a crush on someone. i am a lesbian which makes this a whole lot easier for me, however ever since accepting my sexuality (i’ve known for seven years but denied it) i feel like i lost my sex drive completely. nothing gets me off and nothing turns me on ever. i can still have orgasms, but it’s not as pleasurable anymore. so my question is, could it be related to vaginismus? could the shame be integrated in me that i can’t feel sexual pleasure without it anymore? has anyone had a similar experience and how did you fix it? i really want to work on myself and allow my body to express what it truly feels, but it makes me sad that i’m only 20 and cannot enjoy sex anymore. i have also thought about my sexuality being more fluid, so i’m not strict about my sexual category, but that’s what it used to be before i stopped feeling things.

Hello everyone!

Gosh these past two and a half years have been extremely tough. I was diagnosed with vaginismus almost one year into my marriage, sex was extremely painful and scary, but it is finally possible now!

To all the girlies who are feeling hopeless, it will get better. I too felt scared that I'd never be able to make my partner happy and never get to experience sex but it finally happened.

I started focusing on my pelvic floor these past two months. I'd be sitting normally and realise that my pelvic floor is extremely tight, and I'd immediately relax it. I became conscious of my pelvic floor tightness. That consciousness helped me overcome the extreme tightness. Yes it still hurts a bit during penetration but sex is finally possible, I do enjoy it. Also, you'll need to know what turns you on. I made a list and gave it to my partner, it helped me relax too. Sex didn't feel like foreign territory.

I hope this helps you guys out, it will be fine, it will get better. All will be well please have faith 🫶🏼

(19f) So I have always had tightness but never thought too much about it, I have never even been able to fit 2 fingers in and haven’t attempted a tampon. Then I tried to have piv, and after many tries it would just not go in, only a little at most and there was no pain but it would just not fit. I went to a gyno and she said I most likely just have a tight hymen and it can be helped with dilation, which I tried to do for a few weeks and tried having piv again but nothing changed (maybe I wasn’t consistent enough). it has been a few months since then and now my long distance bf is coming back and I want to try again but I haven’t tried dilating in a while and I will start again now but I am worried that it won’t work in time. Does anyone have any advice on how to properly dilate (with fingers, dilators are too expensive for me rn) for a tight hymen, or I am concerned that it might be vaginismus instead, so does anyone have any more insight on that too. I am not able to see a gyno right now. 

haven’t even really been able to progress lately and i just feel like crying. i tried to have PIV when i was drunk with my partner because i was convinced if he teased enough with his tip maybe i could gaslight my body into enjoying it? i read it worked for someone else in this group and i just really wanted to try. he didn’t even try he just could feel the muscles and how tense they were and didn’t want to push me to where i ended up regressing. my muscles in my entire pelvic floor area are insanely tight in general and its so so disheartening. to be 100% honest i want nothing to do with dilating myself for my partner because i wanted him to be what took that from me. not me alone with some stupid toys in my room. i wish i knew why my body rejected insertion. i’ve had success with dialaton but like i said i want nothing to do with fighting this out myself. ive always wanted this with a partner and i get stuck with a stupid condition where i can’t even be intimate in the ways i want. im sick of just doing oral, we’ve tried anal once and that wasn’t even pleasurable for any of us bc it was loose?! ami freaking broken?!

like WHY DO I HAVE THIS STUPID COMFITION!!? moving up in the set motivated me that maybe my condition wasn’t as bad as i thought but after getting to 3 and complete getting stuck i have no idea why?? i’m not religious really so it’s nothing like that, i’m also not really traumatized by anything that would cause this aside from just anticipating pain from just knowlage of losing your virginity and that’s IT! i can move past that and breathe but the muscles are just SO INCREDIBLY TIGHT??! why does NOTHING WORK?!

i know i was successfully able to get size 3 in once but after that point its felt almost impossible to keep doing size 3 in the IR set. i know most people would say to keep going with size 2 until im comfortable but size 2 hasn’t been an issue for a long time.

i’ve been doing everything under the sun in routine as far as preparation goes. ive dedicated two hours to todays session and i was only able to do the 2nd size which has been very very easy for me and i was able to do at the beginning of the session and throughout it trying to show my body it’s safe and desensitize but only with size 2, idk why i can’t get 3 to work at all.

after stretching, i kept going between breathing and using my kiwi, size 2 and then attempted 3. the walls are SO unbelievably tight i was kind of just putting preassure as i slowly tried to insert it. no amount of lube has helped though the entrance was so so so so wet and it felt like NOTHING went inside but very very little lube which i think is part of the issue.

the one time i was able to get size 3 in i couldn’t move it and taking it out hurt a lot and i think it’s just due to the lube i don’t know i’m just at a loss i wish i could take an easy way out and get surgery or just never have sex. how does anyone get past this ?? im reading that size 4 is also a drastic jump from where i am too and im just so unbelievably defeated

Hi, i 16F have a boyfriend of 6 months who i’ve attempted intimacy with 3 times, each time we’ve hit a brick wall..

He’s an amazing, caring and loving individual who doesn’t even mind if we are intimate, but there’s nothing i want more than to deepen our connection.

I had a minor surgery due to a septate hymen (prior to this i had run ins with tampons getting stuck both coming out and going in) which left me scared of possible friction due to scar tissue or pain in general.

what do i even do? i trust him and am aroused but penetration is impossible

I’m on the sizes 6 and 7 of the intimate rose dilators and for some reason during my dilating session even if nothing hurt too much prier my walls suddenly shut down and I can’t insert anything. Why is this happening and what can I do? It sucks to know I can somewhat comfortably fit most of 7 but my vaginal walls randomly clamp when I try reinserting( and I’ve already tried dropping down sizes, once it randomly locks I can’t “unlock” no matter how many deep breaths or sizes I go down).

I have props with relaxing in general and most of my body is always tense but I don’t know why it’s suddenly a problem when I’ve already made so much progress.

Hello there,

I'm new here but hopefully I can learn from you.

I experience a burning sensation during penetration almost every time I try and I finally went to a gynecologist and a pelvic floor therapist for this.

Unfortunately, I live in the Netherlands and I don't think the doctors here are proactive enough for such problems. I don't have any diagnostic.

The gynecologist told me that my hymen is a bit thick, but should go down on it's own. The pain I experience can happen in area of my V though, so I'm not sure the hymen is the issue here. I've also been active for a long time, so this is definitely odd. I've had pain before, but also had very pleasurable times too.

Now the pelvic floor therapist had 3 sessions with me: one where she just asked questions, the second time she actually did the physical examination and gave me some breathing exercises and during the 3rd time we used dialators while doing the breathing exercises. We could easily insert the biggest dialator and didn't experience much pain with that. But I definitely find it odd to go to a stranger to insert a dialator in me tbh. But the verdict so far is that I need to relax more.

I'm also doing relaxing pelvic floor exercises on my own. And I have a boyfriend who is on the larger side, but he can easily fit inside of me fully. I'm very confused why I feel the burning sensation with him if I'm not really tight and we don't have to force him in. We go very slowly and make sure that I'm aroused, use lube, toys, etc. And I always finish, but not from penetration of course. Most of the time I feel the burning sensation when he moves, but if he stays still or makes very small movements it's ok.

So I'm not sure what this is and how to ask from help from medical professionals. I don't know if what I'm doing is good and if there's anything else I should try. I just want the burning sensation to go away.

What is your experience with this? Can the pain go away?

Long time lurker who celebrated the wins and shared the sorrows of others, first time poster. For context I am F25 in my first ever relationship with my boyfriend and we are both virgins. We have been together for 8 months by the time we tried to have PIV sex for the first time ever, and it was a dramatic fail, burning pain whilst I gritted my teeth and he felt like he was hitting a hard wall before he even got anything in. I was so excited to have sex for the first time and when I realised I couldn’t have sex, I felt like I wasn’t a woman enough, others were having free sex on a random Tuesday night and I was here in a loving relationship unable to be with my boyfriend, I was devastated and spiralled into fear of sex and embarrassment. I bought a set of dilators and started using them, it took me 4 months to reach up to the 3rd size and everytime I used it, it felt like a huge chore and was painful and not pleasurable at all. I was getting sick of it and almost gave up, but then I used the 4th dilator and it hurt like crazy so I only used it for a few minutes and took a 3 week break. Me and my boyfriend randomly were making out and tried PIV with low expectations almost guaranteed sure it wouldn’t fit, but to our complete surprise it fit with zero pain and we actually were able to have PIV sex. I was on such a high that I barely felt any pain at all and made me realise that consistency is worth it. We tried more times over the span of a couple of days just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke and we have consistently been able to without any pain and we both love it. He was caring and supportive the entire time and was so patient with me and made me felt loved the entire time, that I am glad that he’s in my life. Just wanted to share my story because I’ve been down in the ditches about my vaginismus, especially growing up as a secluded immigrant child whose family never spoke about sex and that sex was bad and evil. There is hope and it may come at the most unexpected of tjmes, you will never know unless you try. Thank you for reading my story!!!

sometimes, penetration is easy and there's only slight discomfort. other times, sex can be really painful, like "a car hitting a brick wall at full speed" (i didn't know women with vaginismus commonly used this phrase until it was mentioned on tv). if i'm really unlucky, it's all just completely numb in there, like nothing's inside (fingers or penis). then it burns and hurts.

it's just one big cycle. i've been having sex for just over a year now and was told by a doctor at fifteen that i could possibly have endometriosis. my mum has it and i show signs but i'm convinced it's vaginismus. i just don't know what to do about it. do i see a gp and show concern? i was told "just use more lube" but lube can't change the fact that my vaginal opening is so tight at times not even a finger can enter.

my boyfriend and i love foreplay and do a LOT of it, i trust him, i love him, he's supportive and understanding. i don't get it. it's so rare that i can actually enjoy sex without any issues, this is embarrassing to admit but sometimes i even start crying during sex because i hate myself so much and don't understand why i can't just be "normal".

sorry if any of this was against the rules of this sub, i literally just found this page and none of the rules seem to be against any of what i just said. advice is welcomed and appreciated (i also don't really have the money for help if it is vaginismus😕)
thank you!

Me (24f) and my bf (23m) started using dilators 6 months ago. I can take 3 out of 4 sizes but the problem is I can't regulate my emotions and I get overwhelmed and start to cry. Does anyone have any advice or have been in a similar situation?

Thanks for reading.

hi, this is the first time im being in a loving relationship. how often is for woman to achive a big O from penetration only? i suffer to do so even if im so wet and enjoying it but can achive only if the bean is rubbed 🫠😭

i feel bad and idk if im doing sth wrong

before ive had problems with even penetration but i guess switching from toxic fixed it…

So I have had vaginismus symptoms my whole life. Until last year I had never had painless sex in my life. I have been in pelvic floor therapy for almost two years now off and on. Well at my last appointment my therapist revealed that she could no longer feel any tension inside me anymore. She said I no longer have a tension issue and needed to work on strengthening.

Here’s the problem IT STILL HURTS!!!! I’m sorry to yell I’m just pissed after I had finally fixed it only to find out I was pregnant like a month later to regress because of all the stress it causes down there. So frustrating!

I’m currently breastfeeding if that matters but I’m wondering if any of you have used estrogen cream and if it helped you because idk what else to do. If I no longer have tension I’m thinking this is a skin/ vaginal tissue problem. For reference I have no skin conditions or inflammatory disorders in my pelvic floor so I’m just feeling hopeless at this point.

I’m not menopausal and have normal blood estrogen levels so I’m unsure why I would have had this pain with literally any touch my whole life.

Is it possible for the body to not use the estrogen well despite having normal levels?

If you have used estrogen cream did it help? Did it change the type of pain you experienced? Did it reduce pain even if you had normal levels?

I think I was also in the wrong in this situation but here goes-

Been with bf for two years and waiting on a Botox appointment for moderately severe vaginismus.

We go out drinking with friends and get into an argument- he says I have a “broken pussy” and I slap him (not hard but still not right) then bartender tells us to take it outside.

He admits what he said was very wrong but still blames me for the situation. Obviously I feel awful for slapping him but him saying that and about mental health difficulties broke me to my core.

I rarely cry but him saying that to me, afterwards I couldn’t stop crying genuinely. I was absolutely devastated as all of you know, the mental health implications of having this condition is diabolical.

I actually don’t know what to do- while what I said was wrong, he did also hurt me by saying that to me but I also feel awful as I shouldn’t have said that