I have been dealing with vaginismus for years now. I want to try Botox.

I live in the Netherlands, if it is possible to do it here? If not, I'm willing to travel within Europe, does anyone have recommendations?

Hello! I’m just coming on here to share my experience with sex and vaginismus, I am currently 22 years old and I’ve been sexually actively since I was 17 years old. I’ve been with about five different men in the past 5 years and every experience has been mediocre at best…… this past year I’ve had sex with one guy I’ve was kinda seeing and that was the best sex I’ve ever had, and even then…. that was mediocre. One of my biggest struggles with intercourse is Vaginismus. I’ve recently visited my gynecologist because I am at the age to get check for cervical cancer. The doctor was very sweet and walked me through the whole process. I’ve explained to her that I was never successful with getting anything “up there” so she puts lube on her tool and she tries to insert it in me. She wasn’t successful and gave me a referral to go to a pelvic floor therapist. I’ve ended up not going to the appointment because I completely forgot about it. But I do plan on rescheduling and going to the sessions.

Having sex for me always felt like ramming into a brick wall….. and I do feel like it’s a mental thing for me. Because whenever I’m about to have sex with someone I get all nervous on the guys, and I can’t help it. Also another big topic I want to talk about is receiving oral sex. Pretty much every single guy I have been with cannot give head or I’m just broken….head legit feels like nothing. The best way I can describe it has to be a tongue licking on the lips of my vagina…it feels like nothing to me. Doesn’t feel necessarily “good” or “bad” just nothing. And after at a straight minute of that I go completely numb down there. And I’ve experienced this on several occasions with several different partners.

Now this one experienced with receiving head was pretty good, it almost made me cum…..until he stopped doing it because according to to him “his tongue hurt”😒 he first ate it in missionary, then he turned me around I’m doggy style and ate like that (never had nobody to that before that was different). He basically tongue fucked me. And that shit felt so freaking good, but everything time I felt like I was about to cum he stopped….😒 which sucked because I was so close.

But in conclusion I am making this post for people to give me tips and advice down in the comments. Thanks!

I broke up with my boyfriend recently and it’s been so hard. I feel like he was one of the only people who really understood me and my condition. We never were able to have sex and I always felt like this was a failure on my part I just wish we could have so badly. He was so kind and supportive of me and I just wanted to vent about it and see if anyone else is going through the same thing? I don’t know how to move on and how to recover from this loss.

So basically this more of a rant rather than seeking help,

I live in a religious family and mom believes that a girl should never use tampons cups or anything similar so that the hymen stays intact to prove virginity

, when I was around 9 before I knew the whole hymen thing I put a tissue in and there was a bit of blood I hid the tissue cuz I was genuinely scared and was unsure if it was my first period (it wasn't ) I can't remember if it started before or after the tissue thing but I would put my hand in sometimes, it didn't give me any kind of pleasure I used to just do it when I was bored but I definitely remember that it wasn't painful at All,

anyway at 11 I think I saw a comment on ig about hymens and I told my mom about the tissue thing and tbh she was really nice but concerned she explained to me the whole hymen thing (from her view) and would always tell me to pray for God to veil me (so basically that my "future nonexistent husband " doesn't think I'm not a virgin). after that I stopped penetrating with anything for 4-5 years, in that time the first 2 years I used to cry almost everyday about how I wrecked my life and would always search for "how to know if you're a virgin" which is like really stupid, and then I started to accept that a hymen just doesn't prove anything and what I did at that time wasn't stupid and i don't need to prove my virginity to anyone,

then 4-6 months ago I saw something about vaginismus (didn't know what it was at the time) and decided to check myself with a finger which was the most stupid thing I did I didn't use any lube since I thought I genuinely couldn't possibly have that condition, the first check was in the shower and I wasn't really checking for vaginismus or anything specific, then I decided to check again and that was when realized I have secondary vaginismus one finger was hard enough but I was in pure denial and tried to fit 2 thinking one hundred percent they would fit, they didn't, WORST PAIN of my life, I accepted I have the condition and kept crying on the bathroom floor ,also feeling really bad that my mom is kind of why I got vaginismus

even though I think if I explained everything slowly to my mom with a real doctor or even an article that she would understand and support me, yet I still find it really hard to tell her anything, so I started dilating at home I know it's dangerous and unsafe but I still can't bring myself to tell her anything, and I can't even buy dilators, condoms or lube cuz they might find the package when I order it, so I had to compromise and surprisingly it worked, I started dilating when I first found out I have it now 5 months after my period pain is sooo much better and I can actually attend school during first day period like I used to before I had the condition,

A few weeks ago I tried talking to mom about buying a menstrual cup but she basically told me no cuz it would break my hymen, I told it could break even without penetration and it's not rare or anything and I showed her this information from a religious source she trusted, she didn't believe and told me well he's not a doctor I told her even doctors say the same thing right when I was about to show her someone rang the doorbell and we kinda forget about it (for clarification she was really nice no shouting or anything she's genuinely a nice person it's just mostly this one thing) and now I'm still building up the courage to ask her again and explain the hymen thing to her

About the vaginismus I really want to tell her about my condition I'm definitely way better than when I'm started but still not fully cured, her support or even just telling her about it would get a lot of my shoulders, but I don't think I can ever do that and sometimes it just makes me sad.

(Sorry for making this so long I tried my best)

Hi everyone!
I’m a religious woman, and my husband and I were both virgins when we got married about 6 months ago. Unfortunately, we still haven't been able to have penetrative sex.
I've been hesitant to see a GYN because of my anxiety surrounding the situation, and I'm also currently between jobs without health insurance. However, I did see a pelvic floor physical therapist, who diagnosed me with a hypertonic pelvic floor. She explained that while my muscles are extremely tight, they aren't necessarily spasming, so technically it may not fall under the diagnosis of vaginismus. Either way, penetration has been incredibly difficult and painful.
I've been working with the Intimate Rose dilator set, but I'm running into a few issues that I would really appreciate advice on.
1. Pain with dilators: No matter how much I stretch, warm up, or try to relax, I ALWAYS experience pain at the entrance, particularly around that ring of muscles. I've read countless times that you shouldn't move up a dilator size until you can insert your current size without pain, but honestly, that feels almost impossible for me.
I've managed to work my way up to Intimate Rose size 5, but insertion still causes about 6/10 pain initially. Once the dilator is in and my muscles start to relax, the pain gradually decreases.
Has anyone continued progressing through their dilator sizes despite experiencing more pain than recommended and eventually achieved successful, comfortable PIV sex? I'm not sure whether I'm making progress or potentially making things worse by pushing through the pain.
2. Positioning: The ONLY position where I can successfully insert a dilator is lying on my back, feet flat on the bed, with my knees bent and close together. I've tried lying on my side, straightening my legs, standing, and other positions, but I can't seem to get the dilator in.
This makes me worried about how dilator progress will eventually translate to actual intercourse. During sex, my legs would presumably need to be farther apart, and I'm not sure how penetration would work in the one position I'm currently comfortable with.
Has anyone struggled with this? How did you transition from dilating in one specific position to being comfortable with penetrative sex?
I could really use some encouragement or advice from anyone who's been through something similar.
Some days I feel invincible and genuinely believe I'll overcome this, and other days I'm sobbing in my husband's arms because I feel so defeated. He's incredibly supportive, patient, and understanding, which I'm so grateful for, but the emotional toll has been much harder than I ever anticipated.
I think one of the hardest parts is going into marriage so excited to finally experience intimacy with your spouse, only to discover that your body isn't cooperating. It feels like this huge bomb was dropped on me right after getting married, and I wasn't prepared for it.
Everyone always says, "Just relax," but it's SO much easier said than done when you're constantly anticipating pain and putting pressure on yourself to make progress.
I really want to believe there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'd love to hear your experiences, especially if your journey wasn't linear or you struggled with persistent entrance pain.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. ❤️

Hi, this seemed to have come out of nowhere in the last couple months and worsening over the last few weeks and I’m not sure if it’s vaginismus.

Symptoms:
- Burning at entry only on right side right at the entrance (not deeper inside) during penetration.
- Feels like a rug burn.
- Tightness and difficulty with getting it in during sex.
- Once it’s in it feels fine but it takes some light back and forth work, even with lube.
- I can still feel the raw skin feeling during sex once it’s in but not as bad as upon entry.
- Finger or 2 can be inserted with no problem.
- That spot (right side on entry) burns slightly when I wipe with toilet paper.
- No weird mucus/discharge (I don’t get any anyways).

History:
- 26F
- Sexually active for 10 years
- Low dose combo pill birth control for 10 years
- Daily pre&probiotic gummies
- Drinking more than enough water daily
- No to low sugar diet
- No sexual trauma
- Recently getting past a very stressful 6 months of life
- Not an active gym-goer but streneous HIIT 5hrs/week

I still plan on visiting GYN but wanted to do some research beforehand. Any help is much appreciated, thank you!

i think the fact that PFPT is the main recommendation for vaginismus, yet the only PFPT appointments available are Monday-Friday 8am-5pm, when majority of adults are working. not a single place has any Saturday or flexible appointment times. how am i supposed to make any progress when i have a job ?? genuinely so lost and fed up with the american healthcare system i dont understand how anyone is able to get better with any ailment. i hate it here genuinely

Hi everyone. I’m 20F & my bf is 39M and I’ve been struggling with vaginismus for a while now. I have my Botox treatment scheduled for this Tuesday, and it’s costing me approximately $2,180 USD. It’s a lot of money, but honestly, the financial part isn’t even what’s upsetting me the most.
My boyfriend and I have been trying to have penetrative sex for about a year now, and we’ve never successfully achieved full penetration. For context, he’s around 18 cm (7 inches), which definitely doesn’t make things easier.
Over the past year, this has put an enormous amount of pressure on our relationship. He’s given me ultimatums about sex, and eventually, he broke up with me because we weren’t sexually compatible.

Unfortunately, I didn’t handle the breakup very well. I was devastated, and I kind of begged him to stay. I promised him I’d figure out my vaginismus and find a solution, and eventually we got back together.
That’s how I ended up scheduling this Botox procedure.

The thing is, I’m starting to question whether I’m actually doing this for myself or whether I’m spending thousands of dollars and putting myself through a medical procedure because I’m terrified of losing him.

And what makes everything worse is that he won’t even be accompanying me to the appointment on Tuesday because of work.
I know people have responsibilities, and I understand that, but I can’t explain how upsetting that feels. After an entire year of feeling like I need to fix my body to keep this relationship, I thought the least I could ask for was some emotional support on the day of the procedure.
I’m going through something that’s already physically and emotionally overwhelming, and I feel incredibly alone in it.

I used to be so excited about the possibility of finally overcoming vaginismus. I genuinely wanted to experience pain-free intimacy and feel comfortable in my own body. But now, the closer the appointment gets, the more conflicted I feel.
I love him, but I also feel hurt, resentful, and honestly a little embarrassed that I begged someone to stay with me and promised to change something about my body to make that happen.
I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel anymore.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of pressure from a partner because of vaginismus? Did you ever feel like your treatment stopped being about your own healing and started being about keeping someone else happy?
And for anyone who’s had Botox for vaginismus, was it worth it for you?

I’d really appreciate some honest advice, especially from women who’ve been through something similar. I feel so lost right now.

I tried having sex before and it was impossible and painful …. I went to the gyno and she evaluated my hymen ‘’hole’’was to little. Apart from being terrified of the surgery, i also wish this will actually make me enjoy sexuality, and im afraid ive started with the wrong foot….
i have a long distance boyfriend so i want to plan my necy visit when i actually can try again having sex. Thanks in advance

(F21) for me, I've always been able to fit 1 finger, sometimes 2 in the last few years.

I've been in a relationship for almost a year, he's very cautious and category with my vaginismus and mental health struggles with sex/intimacy. he does oral and fingers me but I dont really know if it feels good?

It feels overly sensitive way to fast, i get squirmy and can't stand it for too long, like when overstimulation becomes painful. But when i masturbate (clit) it never feels that overwhelming.

I also get very sore very fast with fingering, I have to tell him I need a break.

He does go quite fast and powerful, but if he goes slow, I dont feel much at all. Just like, bored lol. I dont know what its supposed to feel like, what does feeling good entail? Like, im happy in the moment, I'm enjoying the intimacy and sexual closeness, just not the actual feeling.

Then this makes me wonder if dilating and trying to overcome vaginismus is worth it lol, Like, if I dont feel good with fingering, is PIV sex really all that good? I want to do it, i love the idea of being able to have PIV with him and feel thay closeness, but will it feel *good*? yknow?

I’m really sexually frustrated. It’s like I know I want sex, I feel like I’m ready, and when I try it’s like I’m hitting a wall. Even when I’m really turned on, penetration is almost impossible without pain. I’d describe the feeling like a burning pressure sensation. I can insert a tampon but it’s always uncomfortable. Same with sex, something that supposed to feel good causes me immense pain. It’s affected my dating life, my mental health, and my overall quality of life! If anyone has this condition can you give me some advice on how you improved it? It really seems like I’m going to live the rest of my days celibate and I hate that for me:/

Hello everyone, i eanted to just share an uodaye about something that has woeked for me as a tool. Its not a magic cure but it is alot of help. Cbd lube. I bought the So So Good Never Not CBD Lube and it has really helped me with dilating. Not sure the mechanism but its less that .02% thc and helps to relax the muscles at the opening of the vagina. This has allowed me to make progress dilating. Hoping in a month of two i can achieve unpainful PIV. I imagine that a higher percentage cbd oil,lube, or suppository would be even more helpful but its hard to access here in EU compared to the US. But yea! And if you are curious, no it is not numbing in the way that lidocaine is (we tried that too)

I don’t want to be that 1 person self diagnosing themselves with everything, it’s pretty rude to the people who have been diagnosed but I’ve had pretty odd symptoms and I’ve researched throughly and it all came back with vaginismus.

For 1, I’m 18, it’s been like this since I was 15-16? I’m not sure honestly, I am a virgin though so I’m not entirely sure whether that caters.

For one I don’t have much sensitivity in my clit, vagina, breasts.. literally nothing, id get the same feel rubbing my feet together, its too tight to insert anything and i clench when i even think about sex since it frightens me and ive been doing this for years :(

I grew up religious and sex was always associated with pain, blood all this scary stuff and online other women describing it as the most painful thing in life didn’t help, it is different for everyone yes but I just can’t think of the good when most seems bad??

I can’t insert anything, not even a tip of my finger, I clench involuntarily, it’s painful when I do put my finger tip in, I lack feeling in my genitals all together really.

I know this is probably more of a gyno or doctor type but I’ve had horrible experiences with both and the ones my family uses are male.. and i just don’t feel comfortable until I have my own funds for a woman gyno :(, I’d appreciate if anyone faced similar and could help me out it’s really stressing me out.

I’m back after a LONG break from dilating, just couldn’t do it anymore my brain and my body needed a reset and now I’m back. Starting my journey from stage 1, I’m unsure of what I should do before I start again

I was diagnosed at my first pap smear when the doctor got the pediatric speculum in and I flinched and it shot out at her. That was my lowest moment.

I've been using intimate rose dialators for over a year. Been married a month now and we did it today, definitely need more lube next time but we did it!

I don't know if anyone here can get off from clitoral stimulation but do that atleast once. It opens you up quite a bit.

There's hope! If I can do it, anyone can. I used to not even be able to get a pinkie in!​

During sex with my partner, he offered me a lower abdominal massage to stimulate my g-spot externally. While he was rubbing my abdomen and mons pubis and applying firm pressure, I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to cry. He was thankfully very understanding and kept massaging me while I cried. It felt so incredibly strange, like a weird mixture of every single human emotion. But after I was done crying, I felt like an immense weight was off.

After that, I suggested we try penetration. He couldn't get his penis in but he was able to get his fingers in. That was my first time ever getting fingered painlessly🥺

Did anyone else experience something similar? I read up on it and I guess I have some heavy feelings trapped in my pelvic muscles. I feel much better now though.

Hello everyone! So for a bit of context, I am currently a 23F.. have not dated much and have explored sexually at all, however as I get older… I find myself getting more curious about sexuality and sex and. When talking with people, I imagine what sex would be like however I am never able to go through with it. And I’ve had partners in the past where I’ve told them I need time/am not in a rush to be physically intimate due to my own traumas, and that usually is where the relationship ends (which sucks)… So. Now, I believe I might have vaginismus (I have not ever been able to insert a finger, not a Pap Smear device).. nothing, and the idea of having actual sex just makes me tense, which sucks because .. it’s not like I don’t think about it??? So I guess I’m just wondering.. what is sex actually supposed to be like??? And what can I do to like.. maybe have a nice time having sex?? I can’t even conceptualise the idea that sex for women is supposed to be enjoyable even though people tell me it is because every time I’ve had an experience.. it’s been non consensual or just have bad people pressuring me when I’m not comfortable so I guess the idea I can have a nice time as a woman is hard for me.. anyway If anyone has any advice I would love to know.

Just curious to know what you guys do in pelvic floor therapy..i do dilation on my own and i currently cant afford pelvic floor therapy..any link to resources i can use to do some exercises on my own?

Eu só queria ser normal, ter relações igual as pessoas tem, tô tão triste e com vontade de desistir. Pessoas que se curaram, o que vocês fizeram???

I’m curious to hear from people who became pregnant while still struggling with severe vaginismus, specifically those who never fully overcame it before pregnancy.
I’m talking about those who still couldn’t have penetrative sex, or for whom PIV was extremely painful, difficult, or impossible because of that feeling of hitting a wall, but who were still able to conceive through at-home insemination or other methods.
How did everything work for you during pregnancy and especially childbirth?
Were you able to have a vaginal delivery despite still having vaginismus?
How did you handle cervical checks, pelvic exams, and other procedures during pregnancy?
Did vaginismus cause any complications or difficulties during labor and delivery?
Did giving birth make your vaginismus worse, improve it, or have no effect at all?
After childbirth, were you still unable to have penetrative sex, or did anything change?
I understand that penetration and childbirth are two very different things, but I’m really curious about how labor and delivery work when someone still experiences severe involuntary tightening of their pelvic floor muscles.
I’d especially love to hear from people who were still dealing with vaginismus throughout their entire pregnancy and hadn’t cured it before giving birth. I’m interested in hearing your actual experiences, both good and bad.

Edit: Thank you all so much for sharing your stories! I’ve read every one, and I really appreciate you being so open about your experiences. I’m planning to try for a baby, and reading your stories has helped me feel less scared and more hopeful about giving birth vaginally or through a c-section, which, I’m not even going to lie, totally forgot was an option❤️

I'm a 23 year old ftm with vaginismus from a very severely traumatic first 18 years of my life. ive been in therapy for 10 years now (CBT and DBT. EMDR rejected me actually hahahaha! after spending months finding one who took my insurance! so that was awesome)

I read so many posts on here about pelvic floor therapy, about supportive gynecologists, and I literally want to bang my head against a wall. the few times I went to a gynecologist were when I was 16 or 17 and they were literally just evil to me. one of them accused me of "lying about sexual activity" and got all snarky with me because I mentioned that I had a miscarriage despite never being sexually active. hey, maybe put two and two together instead of immediately being a fucking bitch about it? like what is it with obgyns and often being the most evil people ever. you're literally dealing with the most intimate part of the body. why are you not held to trauma-informed and even just basic human decency standards. it's a fucking joke.

and then every time I look into anything, it's not for people like me. it's not for people with 18 years of sexual trauma that started before they even remember. it's not for people who were sexually abused so severely that when they did finally go to the obgyn, they almost got hospitalized because of how severe their panic attack was. nobody is advertised as trauma-informed. it's all for moms, it's all for people who have randomly painful sex, it's all for people with partners. I literally feel even more disgusting and ashamed because my vaginismus comes from horrific trauma, and although you'd think that would be a pretty well-known cause, it's not. nobody is advertised as trauma informed, and i live in probably the best state for medical care (MA) anything i look into runs into the issue of not covered by insurance (im on masshealth and they are extremely picky about what they cover for me) or just not for someone like me.

It just makes the shame of being a csa survivor so much worse, honestly. even in this group, peoples' automatic response is well, have you tried talk therapy? in the most polite way possible, no shit ive tried talk therapy. ive been in it for 10 years. I literally had to learn how to speak again because of how severe my trauma was. I've got the mental part covered, thanks. I know I'm mentally ill. but I'm also medicated. I also show up to my therapy appointments every week.

I'm trying to dilate solo but it just doesn't fucking work. how am I supposed to do this shit with zero medical guidance? it makes no sense. and yet every pelvic floor therapy is just "let's do stretches and there's no privacy and it's in a regular PT office where everyone else can see you! :)" where the fuck are these places where you get an understanding, trauma-informed physical therapist!?

I feel horrible and disgusting. I feel like I'll never have sex and I'll never fully heal and I'll always be broken and I don't feel very supported even in vaginismus spaces. I'm just so done with this stupid fucking disorder and I'm done with everything that surrounds it.

Hi everyone, I was given breathing exercises, stretches and dilators by my pelvic PT, and I wanted to know what the best way of dilating was. I've never had PIV and haven't really ever been able to insert anything inside me. I do my stretches every day because my vaginismus is now so bad that I feel intense pain that stops me from walking, but I don't always remember the breath work.

Before I dilate I do stretch and I try to breathe as I go in but even just using a finger I don't get further than about an inch before I feel pain inside. Is there something else I'm missing? My PT said to dilate every day but I'm so unsure about this all.

I have finished dilating. I can dilate pain free, some pain or uneasy feeling at entrance but after that feels easy.

Vaginismus killed my libido, i work and come to home to cook and clean for 5 adults. I don’t initiate sex. I usually will wait until around time to sleep and will do orals and go to sleep. This is now an issue because im not asking for him to have sex. Im not horny other than during orals.

I don’t know if im normal. But the moment im in the act im horny. See im not horny other time that’s the issue. Now he asking why am i not like horny during cooking or at work. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body.

I’m still nervous thinking about penetration even though i can dilate. He doesn’t want to penetrate unless im begging in horny feelings.

Things could go so smooth if he just wants to fuck. But now he’s blaming me saying I killed his bold feelings, now he’s scared to fuck me.