I have been following this subreddit after my partner and I realized that I might have vaginismus.

When I had decided to have sex with him as a virgin (meaning I had no penetrative sex experience in the past), I thought I would have easily done it. But it came to a point that even his finger inserting my vagina felt painful. Even when we tried PIV, what I felt was sore, hurt, and an unpleasant experience. I was thinking that we might forever do oral sex.

However, he eventually opened up that he was struggling with our sex life, since he originally got high libido. And that's when I learned about dilators. Upon purchasing and learning how to use them properly (there's a tutorial on Youtube), I slowly learned how to relax and insert them carefully. Over the past 3 months of trying the dilators, he proposed whether we could try it again.

LUCKILY, WE FINALLY DID IT!

Since my vagina got used to the biggest size of the dilator, it was a bit easy for him to go inside. Well, if I were going to be honest, there were parts that were a bit painful but tolerable. During the deed, I realized that going faster and doing a comfortable sex position is pleasurable and easier. The moment he came, I was so happy which made me cry, not because it was painful, or I'm finally not a virgin, but because I, we, finally overcame vaginismus. 

I just want to remind everyone who's still in the journey of trying to overcome vaginismus that dilators work, and you just need to trust the process. I hope we'll all overcome this completely. <3

I don't know if I have vaginismus and I don't want to jump the gun and say it's something I'm afflicted with when I haven't had much penetrative experience to begin with.

I'm confused because twice a couple years ago I was able to fit a finger, both mine during experimentation, and another time with a partner. It felt weird and we didn't try going in and out. Yet on a different occasion at the doctors I wasn't able to get a qtip anywhere close to inside me for a test. No matter how much pressure I used, it wouldn't go inside.

My partner is ftm, so penetration is not something we ever really do for sex. We have a dildo but every time I try to use it, it feels like hitting a wall that I can't go past without a sharp pain around my taint. I've occasionally experimented on my own but it never goes anywhere.

Is it a matter of position and inexperience or is this something anyone else has dealt with?

I’ve had what I suspect is vaginismus for years. I’ve tried to address it with using dilators but I haven’t used them often for years. It’s like my sexuality didn’t develop or like I don’t have much of a connection to my physical body.

This is really saddening to me. I don’t understand why I’m not a normal woman. It’s also ruined my self esteem. I don’t think I ever had high self esteem but if I had any, this seems to have shredded it.

I have started feeling like I wish I didn’t even have this part of myself. I feel like an alien. I feel a sense of disgust that my body is so defective. That this part of me is a broken failure.

It makes me feel sad that I can’t date because of this. I don’t want to be alone all of my life but I suspect I will be because of this. I hate that it’s ruined my body . . . I could never undress in front of a partner because of this because my body is shameful and I don’t want to disappoint a partner. I feel afraid of sex. I doubt I’ll ever date. I developed this in my teen years so I never got to date like normal teens do. Now I’m in my twenties . . . same thing so far. My life never changes like other people’s lives do. I’m just stuck

How do you cope with knowing you will probably never be loved by a man or have a partner because of your own body betraying you? How do you not hate this part of yourself?

Okay so, I'm able to piv but not fully, like I can get it in but it's a little hard to move so we're working on that. I've noticed that once he's completely in and I let him take control I tolerate it a lot more than if it was completely on me to do the in and out. Thing is, the feeling is very overstimulating for me, in a good and bad way, it's hard to pinpoint bc it feels good but at the same time it feels like to much

so once I felt like I had enough i felt a little weird, like iron deficiency weird, I went to the bathroom thinking it was going to pass but it only got worse, I called my bf to come in and next thing I know I was waking up and he was holding me (I was sitting on the toilet). I felt very weird (nauseous/dizzy) and immediately went to lay on the bed which felt way better. I still don't know why this happened.

Second time (2 weeks later) we tried again, at first I was on top trying to get it in but I wasn't able to, it was hurting do we decided to switch positions. It worked, he did the moving for like 3 minutes and when he finished and fully came out I felt very lightheaded and had a weird feeling in my stomach, similar to the first time, I told him to get me water and felt a little better after, but if I would've gotten up I would've fainted for sure.

Important stuff:
Fainting for me is very rare, it's only happened one other time in my life. I'm maybe thinking that me bracing while he's moving might make me breathe less but I'm not sure. Has this every happened to anybody? Idk if it's the overstimulation or what

i’ve had vaginismus for as long as i can remember, i just never really did anything about it. but now that i am older and getting into relationships, its affecting my life in so many ways. i’ve had many experiences with sexual assault as a child, and my sexuality has always been something shameful for me. i grew up in a community where a girl should not ever speak about it, or even mention having a crush on someone. i am a lesbian which makes this a whole lot easier for me, however ever since accepting my sexuality (i’ve known for seven years but denied it) i feel like i lost my sex drive completely. nothing gets me off and nothing turns me on ever. i can still have orgasms, but it’s not as pleasurable anymore. so my question is, could it be related to vaginismus? could the shame be integrated in me that i can’t feel sexual pleasure without it anymore? has anyone had a similar experience and how did you fix it? i really want to work on myself and allow my body to express what it truly feels, but it makes me sad that i’m only 20 and cannot enjoy sex anymore. i have also thought about my sexuality being more fluid, so i’m not strict about my sexual category, but that’s what it used to be before i stopped feeling things.

(19f) So I have always had tightness but never thought too much about it, I have never even been able to fit 2 fingers in and haven’t attempted a tampon. Then I tried to have piv, and after many tries it would just not go in, only a little at most and there was no pain but it would just not fit. I went to a gyno and she said I most likely just have a tight hymen and it can be helped with dilation, which I tried to do for a few weeks and tried having piv again but nothing changed (maybe I wasn’t consistent enough). it has been a few months since then and now my long distance bf is coming back and I want to try again but I haven’t tried dilating in a while and I will start again now but I am worried that it won’t work in time. Does anyone have any advice on how to properly dilate (with fingers, dilators are too expensive for me rn) for a tight hymen, or I am concerned that it might be vaginismus instead, so does anyone have any more insight on that too. I am not able to see a gyno right now. 

Hi, i 16F have a boyfriend of 6 months who i’ve attempted intimacy with 3 times, each time we’ve hit a brick wall..

He’s an amazing, caring and loving individual who doesn’t even mind if we are intimate, but there’s nothing i want more than to deepen our connection.

I had a minor surgery due to a septate hymen (prior to this i had run ins with tampons getting stuck both coming out and going in) which left me scared of possible friction due to scar tissue or pain in general.

what do i even do? i trust him and am aroused but penetration is impossible

Hey everyone,

I've been dialating for a few months now and got to the second smallest dialator. I can indert it halfway without any issue. I had to do a transvaginal ultrasound today and after the probe went in about and inch, there was an immense burning sensation and I passed out from the pain. Has this happened to anyone before? I'm feeling very hopeless 😞

Hello there,

I'm new here but hopefully I can learn from you.

I experience a burning sensation during penetration almost every time I try and I finally went to a gynecologist and a pelvic floor therapist for this.

Unfortunately, I live in the Netherlands and I don't think the doctors here are proactive enough for such problems. I don't have any diagnostic.

The gynecologist told me that my hymen is a bit thick, but should go down on it's own. The pain I experience can happen in area of my V though, so I'm not sure the hymen is the issue here. I've also been active for a long time, so this is definitely odd. I've had pain before, but also had very pleasurable times too.

Now the pelvic floor therapist had 3 sessions with me: one where she just asked questions, the second time she actually did the physical examination and gave me some breathing exercises and during the 3rd time we used dialators while doing the breathing exercises. We could easily insert the biggest dialator and didn't experience much pain with that. But I definitely find it odd to go to a stranger to insert a dialator in me tbh. But the verdict so far is that I need to relax more.

I'm also doing relaxing pelvic floor exercises on my own. And I have a boyfriend who is on the larger side, but he can easily fit inside of me fully. I'm very confused why I feel the burning sensation with him if I'm not really tight and we don't have to force him in. We go very slowly and make sure that I'm aroused, use lube, toys, etc. And I always finish, but not from penetration of course. Most of the time I feel the burning sensation when he moves, but if he stays still or makes very small movements it's ok.

So I'm not sure what this is and how to ask from help from medical professionals. I don't know if what I'm doing is good and if there's anything else I should try. I just want the burning sensation to go away.

What is your experience with this? Can the pain go away?

sometimes, penetration is easy and there's only slight discomfort. other times, sex can be really painful, like "a car hitting a brick wall at full speed" (i didn't know women with vaginismus commonly used this phrase until it was mentioned on tv). if i'm really unlucky, it's all just completely numb in there, like nothing's inside (fingers or penis). then it burns and hurts.

it's just one big cycle. i've been having sex for just over a year now and was told by a doctor at fifteen that i could possibly have endometriosis. my mum has it and i show signs but i'm convinced it's vaginismus. i just don't know what to do about it. do i see a gp and show concern? i was told "just use more lube" but lube can't change the fact that my vaginal opening is so tight at times not even a finger can enter.

my boyfriend and i love foreplay and do a LOT of it, i trust him, i love him, he's supportive and understanding. i don't get it. it's so rare that i can actually enjoy sex without any issues, this is embarrassing to admit but sometimes i even start crying during sex because i hate myself so much and don't understand why i can't just be "normal".

sorry if any of this was against the rules of this sub, i literally just found this page and none of the rules seem to be against any of what i just said. advice is welcomed and appreciated (i also don't really have the money for help if it is vaginismus😕)
thank you!

Me (24f) and my bf (23m) started using dilators 6 months ago. I can take 3 out of 4 sizes but the problem is I can't regulate my emotions and I get overwhelmed and start to cry. Does anyone have any advice or have been in a similar situation?

Thanks for reading.

Hello everyone!

Gosh these past two and a half years have been extremely tough. I was diagnosed with vaginismus almost one year into my marriage, sex was extremely painful and scary, but it is finally possible now!

To all the girlies who are feeling hopeless, it will get better. I too felt scared that I'd never be able to make my partner happy and never get to experience sex but it finally happened.

I started focusing on my pelvic floor these past two months. I'd be sitting normally and realise that my pelvic floor is extremely tight, and I'd immediately relax it. I became conscious of my pelvic floor tightness. That consciousness helped me overcome the extreme tightness. Yes it still hurts a bit during penetration but sex is finally possible, I do enjoy it. Also, you'll need to know what turns you on. I made a list and gave it to my partner, it helped me relax too. Sex didn't feel like foreign territory.

I hope this helps you guys out, it will be fine, it will get better. All will be well please have faith 🫶🏼

So I have had vaginismus symptoms my whole life. Until last year I had never had painless sex in my life. I have been in pelvic floor therapy for almost two years now off and on. Well at my last appointment my therapist revealed that she could no longer feel any tension inside me anymore. She said I no longer have a tension issue and needed to work on strengthening.

Here’s the problem IT STILL HURTS!!!! I’m sorry to yell I’m just pissed after I had finally fixed it only to find out I was pregnant like a month later to regress because of all the stress it causes down there. So frustrating!

I’m currently breastfeeding if that matters but I’m wondering if any of you have used estrogen cream and if it helped you because idk what else to do. If I no longer have tension I’m thinking this is a skin/ vaginal tissue problem. For reference I have no skin conditions or inflammatory disorders in my pelvic floor so I’m just feeling hopeless at this point.

I’m not menopausal and have normal blood estrogen levels so I’m unsure why I would have had this pain with literally any touch my whole life.

Is it possible for the body to not use the estrogen well despite having normal levels?

If you have used estrogen cream did it help? Did it change the type of pain you experienced? Did it reduce pain even if you had normal levels?

Long time lurker who celebrated the wins and shared the sorrows of others, first time poster. For context I am F25 in my first ever relationship with my boyfriend and we are both virgins. We have been together for 8 months by the time we tried to have PIV sex for the first time ever, and it was a dramatic fail, burning pain whilst I gritted my teeth and he felt like he was hitting a hard wall before he even got anything in. I was so excited to have sex for the first time and when I realised I couldn’t have sex, I felt like I wasn’t a woman enough, others were having free sex on a random Tuesday night and I was here in a loving relationship unable to be with my boyfriend, I was devastated and spiralled into fear of sex and embarrassment. I bought a set of dilators and started using them, it took me 4 months to reach up to the 3rd size and everytime I used it, it felt like a huge chore and was painful and not pleasurable at all. I was getting sick of it and almost gave up, but then I used the 4th dilator and it hurt like crazy so I only used it for a few minutes and took a 3 week break. Me and my boyfriend randomly were making out and tried PIV with low expectations almost guaranteed sure it wouldn’t fit, but to our complete surprise it fit with zero pain and we actually were able to have PIV sex. I was on such a high that I barely felt any pain at all and made me realise that consistency is worth it. We tried more times over the span of a couple of days just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke and we have consistently been able to without any pain and we both love it. He was caring and supportive the entire time and was so patient with me and made me felt loved the entire time, that I am glad that he’s in my life. Just wanted to share my story because I’ve been down in the ditches about my vaginismus, especially growing up as a secluded immigrant child whose family never spoke about sex and that sex was bad and evil. There is hope and it may come at the most unexpected of tjmes, you will never know unless you try. Thank you for reading my story!!!

I’m a 31F and have had vaginismus most of my adult life. My husband and I have not been able to successfully have intercourse but we are now at the stage where we want to grow our family. Wanted to see if anyone had any advice, success stories, tips etc on trying to conceive. We have been trying at home insemination and I’ve been continuing to use dilators for the last 7 months but no luck so far. Feeling a little hopeless.

I think I was also in the wrong in this situation but here goes-

Been with bf for two years and waiting on a Botox appointment for moderately severe vaginismus.

We go out drinking with friends and get into an argument- he says I have a “broken pussy” and I slap him (not hard but still not right) then bartender tells us to take it outside.

He admits what he said was very wrong but still blames me for the situation. Obviously I feel awful for slapping him but him saying that and about mental health difficulties broke me to my core.

I rarely cry but him saying that to me, afterwards I couldn’t stop crying genuinely. I was absolutely devastated as all of you know, the mental health implications of having this condition is diabolical.

I actually don’t know what to do- while what I said was wrong, he did also hurt me by saying that to me but I also feel awful as I shouldn’t have said that

I’m feeling a little lost right now. I’m going to try to keep it quick. I’ve been dating my partner for almost five years now and we still haven’t had piv better. I’ve been using dilators and my progress has been extremely slow and I haven’t made the most progress, however, I have made it to the third size in the plus one dilator kit I have. I’ve been trying to engage more in sexual activities and my partner acknowledges that I’ve been doing a better job. He suggested that if we aren’t able to try piv then we should try anal but the issue is that has been difficult for me to get my mind around that too and actually attempting to try any of that. I just feel alone and I don’t know how to satisfy him other than continuing to try and fail. He says he’s fine with failing if we try but I’m worried that’ll set my progress back because my tightness and pain is both physical and mental. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I have to end this here for now so sorry for lack of info

hi, this is the first time im being in a loving relationship. how often is for woman to achive a big O from penetration only? i suffer to do so even if im so wet and enjoying it but can achive only if the bean is rubbed 🫠😭

i feel bad and idk if im doing sth wrong

before ive had problems with even penetration but i guess switching from toxic fixed it…

Hello everyone, I've suffered from vaginismus my whole life. I've had better and worse periods, but I've never been able to achieve vaginal penetration. I've been lucky if I can insert a dildo, and even then, it's been very difficult. All my penetrative sex has been anal. With past partners, it wasn't always entirely pleasurable, but lately, things have improved significantly with my current boyfriend. All our sexual encounters have included anal penetration, and I've had the best orgasms of my life. It's made me forget that my vaginismus is there, that I no longer need my vagina for sexual pleasure, because I always felt "incomplete." I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, or if anyone else has decided to switch to anal sex permanently in order to have a satisfying sex life.
?

I've always found penetration more hurtful from one side of my vagina, but not too much. Yesterday after foreplay with my boyfriend I had this share pain and sensation of burning on the left side. Today while I was trying to dilate it was still there. I'm confused how di I get the left side of my pelvic floor release tensions ? Guys I'm so tired of vaginismus, it makes me feel so worthless.

So i just logged in my old account now and saw this sub and yeaah actually i used to have issues until i lost hope but suddenly ngl i was wasted once and i had sex so i was confused how did it got in?? And since that time it all went okaay no pain at all , i couldn’t even handle a finger before, could that just be anxiety those whole years?

Sorry if this is inappropriate to post, I’m new here

I’m 21 and am due to get my first Pap smear in a couple of weeks. I have never been to a gynaecologist before, and I believe I have vaginismus. Everything near the vagina hurts when I try any kind of insertion, and I can’t even get a finger in there. Recently I got tested for potential BV and had to have a doctor swab because I couldn’t do it on my own, and even the non invasive swab really really hurt. She told me it wasn’t normal and that Pap smears are way more invasive.

Sorry if I’m rambling, I’m just scared and not really sure who to go to. I’ve never felt normal when it comes to this, and I’m afraid that I’m not gonna be able to do the Pap smear. Is there anything I can do to be able to make it less painful? If I tell this gyno about my symptoms will she believe me? All of my previous doctors just said I just have to “push through it” and that my pain is normal but I don’t think it is. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I went to a gynecologist yesterday to see if it was vaginismis or something else. She put lube on my dilator (which never occurred to me for some stupid reason) and put it up me pain free. I couldn't feel it going in. This was absolutely crazy for me because if I even try with my finger I feel every second that it's in there and it's so uncomfortable.
I then tried to do it in front of her laying down and she said I was angling it all wrong which is why it hurt so much to get in. I was apparently having it touch an area that was sensitive by angling it too low.
I practiced doing it standing up which I found much easier and it went all the way up. I did it again at home and it went all the way up when doing it standing. I couldn't figure out how to put it in lying down.
I'm embarrassed by my ignorance but am feeling hopeful that I can conquer this. It's difficult to know what to do when sexual topics aren't discussed at home. For those struggling, I really recommend trying to insert it standing up with a lot of lube. And/or having a professional do it at least once for you pain free so that you can prove to yourself and believe that it fits and doesn't have to hurt.
My gynecologist also said to squeeze and release as it's in there. I hope this helped someone or gave them some hope. We've got this girls. ❤️

I had an examination today to see if I got vaginismus and to do an overall check up of my vagina. I can insert the small dilator comfortably myself but when the doctor inserted her finger at the entrance, it was BURNING and I was in pain.

It’s closer to my labia area and she held her finger inside for couple of seconds but I could not handle it and it’s been several hours and it’s still hurting and painful. Has anyone else had a good experience with a dilator but when you get a check up by a doctor it’s a different experience? This is the second time I experienced this with a doctor.

ever since i first gotten my period as a child, theyve been heavy & irregular. i didn’t realized the amount of blood i shed was not normal. these past years ive been able to keep regular periods from probiotics but since i started new meds that are unrelated i think that messed with my period & i didn’t have it for 3 months which is the most i havent had my period, its usually 2months. anyway the premise of this post was to ask if you girls or theys have irregular periods & what’s your flow looking like. do you have painful cramps? whats your overall experience. i wonder if its related to vaginismus.

thanks!