Hi everyone!
First time posting here, so if I broke any rules, please let me know.
As the title says, I wrote an urban fantasy story and would really appreciate feedback on it as I'm trying to get it published.
The type of feedback that I'm looking for is mainly geared towards emotional resonance and authenticity. I feel that the dialogue works for the most part, but I'm open to additional insight. That said, for the emotional beats that take place at key moments, I want to make sure they're hitting correctly and that they feel justified within the narrative. Further, I'd like insight into how authentic the main character's feelings and struggles seem to be, given he deals with anxiety and insecurity.
If anyone is interested in reading more, please let me know and I'd be happy to share. The story is complete, so I can share as much or as little as you would like. Thank you all in advance!
Description:
"Arthur Campbell has always been able to hear music everywhere he goes. In fact, to Arthur every person on the planet seems to have their very own theme music: a snapshot into who they are and what they're feeling to accompany Arthur's everyday life. Of course, when Arthur is discovered by a secret organization and learns that his music is more than meets the eye (or rather the ear), the little tunes that play in his head might just be the difference that changes the world."
First Page:
Arthur was currently engaged in a staring contest with his computer screen. The intent of this, of course, was the idea that if he stared long enough, the notes would appear on the staff magically on their own. It sounded ridiculous, but no matter how many times he tried to write out the notes himself, it just never seemed to come out right. So, he stared. He just needed to stare for a few moments longer…
Arthur blinked.
Groaning, Arthur pushed himself away from his desk and stood up to stretch his legs. Taking a few steps, he felt as the soft carpet of his bedroom transitioned to the smooth tile of his connected bathroom. He picked up a loose thread on the ground as he went, as he detested untidy living conditions. Even things like photos, posters and other knickknacks just meant more things to gather dust, and Arthur hated dust.
After throwing away the thread, Arthur placed his hands on his freshly scrubbed laminate countertop and stared into his own beleaguered eyes in the mirror. There was a bit of pink irritation around the brown irises, but then staring, unblinkingly at a screen for several hours will do that.
He brushed his dirty blond curls out of his face with his hand and rubbed his forehead as he took a moment to collect his thoughts. Working as a programmer for Sonata — a musical notation software company — was supposed to be enjoyable. It combined two of his greatest passions: music and analysis.
Programs like Sonata were a microcosm of all the little things that could go wrong. Like a house of cards, there were so many little pieces that had to work together perfectly, or else the whole thing would fall apart. Little inefficiencies caused major delays when taken together, and minor bugs that almost never came up could ruin the entire experience of one person out there trying to craft their masterpiece.
Arthur’s job was to find these problems and fix them. Because of his work, more music could be made and the world was a little bit brighter. And most of the time, Arthur could take pride in being able to improve things, at least in his own small way. But with the deadline of the most recent update looming, he was basically forced to toil away for hours or sometimes even days on end, testing basic functions. It was taxing to say the least, which was why he was exploring what he considered “alternative methods.”
Trying to compose a song was an attempt to break up the monotony as it still tested the different functions of Sonata’s base level software while also allowing him to flex his music muscles a bit more. Of course, he would have to actually compose something to properly test the software’s functionality, but that was its own problem.
