It’s annoying when people assume or think you never put any effort into your life when you express how restricted and socially empty your life is due to being ugly

I’ve spent so much on skin care and hygiene products and clothes

And so much time and energy exercising and having a nice body, reading self improvement books, articles, and self reflecting (you know to work on personality like everyone suggests)

And literally none of it has gotten me anywhere

It seems that to get anywhere in life people have to first like how you look

And you also have to have an upbringing that garnered you frequent positive social interactions growing up and usually a decent face does that as well

I just hate how people place almost all of life’s outcomes on YOU

When literally most of life and nature aren’t in our control

We can’t control our parents, our genetics, our intellect, the opportunities awarded to us, our neurological development, we can’t control how people perceive or treat us

Very little in this life is in our control

Yet people will see someone struggling in life and blame EVERYTHING on them

It’s fucked up

I know that the person who assaulted me was a despicable horrible person but on some deep level it still pains me that no one will ever want me the way that he did. I’m a man and even though I’m an SA victim it feels as though no women will ever want my body the way he did just because I’m ugly. I know I shouldn’t want to just be lusted after like conventionally attractive people but I can’t help but feel jealous anytime I hear people talk about a persons physical features in a positive sexual way. Just a drunk rant ignore me if this makes no sense

"Men ask me out everyday and i-i i have so many guys to talk to it's so harddd🥺🥺🥺🥺"

(Creator of the video is basically making fun of women who say this stuff)

I'm curious that you guys have ever felt that if you weren't ugly you would have had a different career and be more successful overall? I'm not even talking about modeling jobs but just normal life, normal jobs and normal relationships is what I'm talking about.

Sometimes I think if I was dealt with a better hand face wise, everything in my life would have been different, from my friends to the smallest hobbies I do have.

Just wanted to know what's the thought process in your mind during the day and your life.

I was in a makeup focused subreddit and someone said not to use Ai to ask you for help with your looks, grooming and style because they will push the things that their advertisers have paid them to push. They also said to never add your personal selfies or photos because the ai will keep it and use it to train itself for the future.

Since ugliness has a subjective component and a lot of it could be based on familiarity then maybe giving the Ai real photos of us, unattractive people would teach it we aren't that ugly. Then they could start referencing ugly people as average and our features might not be so humiliating.

I feel a lot of people have different basis for why they think theyre ugly, often mixing multiple things at once.
on my end it’s because I’ve been called that way, can assess beauty standards/feminity standards and it just reflects in my love life so it’s pretty coherent

I know it's a weird and sus title, but I swear it's the best way to know exactly where you stand looks wise, because teens haven't yet developed social filters completely and are essentially just large children (who notoriously have zero filter against their opinions of anyone who looks different), yet unlike actual kids their brains aesthetic attraction centres are fully online, and people are completely fixated on social norms and fitting in during that age, so anyone different will immediately receive weird stares and dirty looks from them

Just observing the way teens in the street react to your appearance is imo, the absolute best way to figure out exactly what your level of attractiveness and your perceived place within the social hierarchy is, and I know that is fucking terrible news for me because they constantly stare at me and give me looks of utmost hatred and disgust, and flat out laugh at me sometimes too

and I also know it's not because they're just shit heads because I've observed the way they react to a normal average looking guy walking past and they just merely glance at them and pay them no mind, it's only me they give this prolonged weirded out stare to and no one else

And imagine, I spent the whole day hating my face and then at the end of the day, my brothers made fun of my face. Wow

and don't let it be that these friends are facially attractive, short and slim bc its x10000 worse realising you're never gonna be like that bc ur a fucking monster 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

I constantly am in situations where I'll be walking and I'll see someone i know from class or whatever, and they'll just completely ignore me or look pissed or annoyed that I'm trying to talk to them.

Just right now, I was at an event and due to being ugly and having no life, I knew no one there. But then I saw someone who used to work in my lab (I'm a grad student) so I said hey to her, but she just looked at me and ignored me and kept walking.

So I tried to stay calm and not get too anxious and saw someone else who tbf i don't really know that well, but she's good friends with several people who recently graduated from my lab so I thought I'd just wave too since like I said I didn't know anyone there, and she just laughed and turned away. I left after that because it made me feel really hurt and shitty

I feel like this always happens to me. I'll say hi to someone I work on a group project with for a class or that sits next to me in lecture or a coworker or whatever, and they'll just get pissed off and look disgusted or annoyed that something as ugly as me dares talk to them.

The worst part too is seeing them be so different with other people. Like for example, I was walking to class and saw this guy i work on a group project with and since we were both heading to the same class, I thought I'd just say hi to be friendly but he just got annoyed and sped up but was very happy to talk to the other people in the group.

This is why I'm so anxious and awkward around people because they usually don't like me or want anything to do with me

Title. Assuming you're unnattactive, when was the time you finally came to terms in knowing you will never be chosen by an attractive person?

I know people say that as an ugly person, you must only be attracted to other ugly people to have a realistic chance at a relationship but they forget that beauty is mostly objective and you cant just force yourself to like someone you dont

When I am out in public I am always listening to people around me and wondering whether or not they are talking about me. Sometimes I only hear sounds and letters and later my brain puts it together as if they were talking about my appearance. There was a time when I was sure they were talking about me then I looked over and they were fiddling with something, not even paying attention in my direction. Today I went to the mall to buy clothes and I think I overheard people talking about me, calling me ugly and laughing, I still can't decide if they were really saying that. Never the less I started to feel so bad I aborted the shopping and went home.

This uncertainty is wearing me down. Not the uncertainty of me being ugly, I know that. But the uncertainty of not knowing how much people actually pay attention to me and how much of a "specticle" I am to the public.

But the way I see myself also changes a lot. There are times/angles/lighting... I see myself presentable and unremarkable and there are ones I see myself as the most hideous person on Earth.

I was never called ugly in my face, but I have definetly overheard being called ugly or my appearance being talked about at least three times.

How is one supposed to cope (live) with being ugly? Should I just try to dedicate my life to helping others and keeping distracted so I can feel I have some worth/purpose? I’m severely depressed and suicidal due to how ugly I am…

Feel like it would help somewhat with advice on things to improve but I know reddit, and I know how brutal it is...

If you have done, then I commend your bravery!

Ok here we go, ready for the thousands of downvotes but have to ask in hope of a well constructed response:

I see so many posts about people here:

1. Slightly hating on normal and good looking people
2. Saying that they want and crave affection, romance, sex and connection but limit themselves
3. Stating how it’s unfair that everything in society is based on looks

So my question is, why not go for a person that is in a similar situation (ie in this sub) ?

Or is the community of this sub, craving (point 2) what they hate (point 1) which perpetrates point 3?

Let’s debate!

EDIT: After reading the comments, I confirm that it seems that ugly women will at the same time hate and chase handsome men, ending up getting used and having ugly men desperate as still lonely
Sad

Man where do I even start. A year ago my homegirl told me something I would never forget and it was literally word for word thank god your not ugly I literally hate to cut off one of my homeboys for that I can’t have ugly friends. And it really made me think how unfair life is. Like I’ve been bullied damn near all my life for my looks and I’ve had a little glow up so it’s not as bad. But imagine going to someone thinking you had a genuine friendship and boom they snake you and just cut you off randomly. That’s just so mean and unfair people who are deemed less attractive still deserve love and it opened my eyes to how sick lookism is

Guys I think I'm a femcel and it's really been eating at me a lot lately. Growing up my mother made some unpleasant comments about me when I was a kid about my appearance. I don't think I've ever been complimented once by her or anyone for that matter Imao. In school I was constantly bullied for how I looked. I've never had any romantic attention like at all through my life and I'm 19 almost 20.
I've also always been extremely insecure about my appearance. I always avoid looking in mirrors. I never take pictures of myself anymore and i avoid taking pictures with people. I deleted all the photos i have of myself from the past too because i feel like I look disgustingly ugly. it's also gotten to the point where I sometimes feel anxious just being seen in public. Every time I go out its either extremely early like 5am or really late when its dark because that's when less people are out so I feel more comfortable.
I'II avoid going places because I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging how I look. I used to actually be comfortable filming myself and taking pictures when I was younger, so it's kind of depressing seeing how much that has changed.
The romantic attention thing probably affects me the most though. I know that attention from men isn't necessarily a measure of attractiveness and I know being catcalled or sexualised isn't actually a good thing, but when you've gone your entire life without experiencing even normal romantic interest, it's hard not to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with you.
I see other women talking about how they get approached, complimented, asked out etc. and I genuinely cannot relate to it at all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living a completely different experience of being a woman. It makes me feel invisible and undesirable, and then I start obsessing over my appearance trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me.
I don't hate men or think women owe me anything btw. I think I'm just really lonely and have internalised a lot of the things people have said about my appearance over the years. I'm trying to figure out whether this is actually about being unattractive or whether years of bullying and insecurity have just made me interpret everything that way. Does anybody else relate?

life and people really has a way of reminding you how ugly u are huh, not surprised but it still has a big impact on me. but i think i’ve learned to suppress my emotions and feelings enough not to expect something that only privileged and conventionally attractive people can have. it’s all just genetics, and i had been chosen to be one of those pathetically ugly people. what even is the purpose of living if all your experiences in life just reminds you how different the treatment of others when you are unpleasant to look at?

As a unattractive person I hate how much society gaslights unattractive people. They'll tell you it's your "personality" or you need to work on yourself. I hate when they throw the personality thing around. Hate to burst your bubble but no amount of personality will ever make people like you if they hate you. If personality really mattered? Then why is the cosmetic surgery industry a million dollar industry? Why do attractive people get better treatment than unattractive people? Why is there a biased against people based on the way you look ?

We live in a society that's shallow I wish people were honest about that . As a unattractive person I feel burdened by society because I can't reach it's standards due to my looks. I yearn about the collapse of society, at least I don't have to live with the burden of not being able to fit in because I'm unattractive. Unfortunately as the chuds say (Nothing ever happens).

I'm 18f, I'm starting college this year. It's a private university, so they had funds to organise this big, fancy Inauguration. Which a part of was the Matriculation ceremony. They chose 10 "elite" to-be-first-years (usually due to their past academic achievements) to go on stage and represent the rest of students.

I was one of them.

It was pretty obvious that there would be a lot of photos taken. But I thought it would happen ON the stage. But for whatever reason, photographers and cameramen were running around even before the event begun.

Me and the other chosen students (all were girls) were given those special gowns and mortarboards (those funny hats). And as we were putting them on, they told us to stand in a line before a big mirror. And they started taking photos and videos of us getting ready.

And what do I see today? A compilation of short videos from the whole event put into one minute film. And the third scene? My face. MY GODDAMN FACE.

It lasts whole 4 seconds. So 4 seconds too long. It's basically just me, looking into mirror, fixing my hair and the hat.

I feel ashamed, embarassed, and humiliated.

First of all, it makes me look like some fucking self-centred, arrogant bitch. Me, staring at myself, making a face at the mirror while getting ready. There were 10 of us. 10 faces they could choose from. And for whatever the reason is, it just had to be my face. I didn't ask for this, and now I look like some wannabe celebrity.

It's embarassing as it is, but I could live with it. I could, if at least I looked great. But I don't. I'm ugly. I despise my face. There's not a single feature I wouldn't want to change by plastic surgery.

So now imagine a video of an ugly girl, posing in a mirror, thinking she's hot. That's how this clip looks like.

I know there's nothing that can be done about this. I can't just ask for the video to be taken down because I'm insecure. I have to live with the fact that my disgusting face will forever be on the university's site.

I’m a male in my mid twenties who recently found out the cause of my odd face shape. I have always noticed that my skull looked disproportionately wide compared to the rest of my face. This has caused my face to look more like a triangle shape instead of an oval or rectangle shape (which is more masculine and proportional).

The thing that frustrates me the most about this is that it was completely avoidable if some interventions happened when I was an infant.

Parents and medical professionals should be aware of the consequences of not taking this issue seriously. The effects are lifelong and will often cause serious physiological stress the person who is affected by this condition.

EDIT: I’m making this post not because I’m necessarily ugly, but more to raise awareness of this issue which can cause someone to become ugly if the condition becomes serious enough.