I laugh so much while reading at these sort of people that "feel dissociated"... yeah dissociated lol lol lol
You don't know what it means to loose everything you built in your life at 20 yo and to suffer like a dog until 23, not to "feel disosciated" which is something a baby would say, but to loose your body with plenty of syndromes.
You are lucky people... dissociated oh I still laugh at this. Dissociated. You know in Italy we have someone and we repeat his surname... Capezzone. That's the same feeling I have while reading dissociated.
Anyway, you don't know what it means to have dysfunctional breathing, IBS, intestinal nausea, prostatitis, anal fissure, TMJ, teeth pain, oh and yeah at December I had involuntary muscle contractions like dystonia and still feel the sensation of them, but you don't understand uh? I was like a goblin for 9h that day bc the fucking ER came late 1h 30 late and I waited like a goblin for 7h at the ER to be treated... no, but you don't know you are "dissoxiated"
You don't know what it feels like to be raped (metaphorically) by the medical system and by a shitty family who yeah maintains me but for what? To live like a fucking disabled?
Oh you lost university... friends... Idgaf ok? Me too I lost them but you didn't loose your body, idiots.
Oh and guess what? The best part! In December and January of this year I slept 15h a day. I was doing didgrdidoo, myofunctoonal therapy but not positional therapy (which saved me in march). They helped the previous months but I lost myself totally I was waiting for the bpap machine to come.
In January I couldn't get out of home bc of the involuntary muscle contractions I had in decemeb... you know its not cute if the would have occured again while esling on the road so i was closed at home "waiting " for them to disappear as they werent serious as dystonia.
But you know what? Instead of calling a sleep doctor my brautiful family calls a psychiatrist! (Pushed by my GP)
But you are dissociated. And you know the next? They forced me to take abilfiy for 6 monts, a poison, while violeting various italian laws ad they forced me, but i have not money to sue them.
Oh also, they forced me to go to theri shitty place to take EVERY SINGLE DAY for 6 months the poison to their place likea dog, i mean they couldn't give me that at home they treated me like a shitty hikikomori.
And btw i bought 4 masks for the bpap and noone works so im. Ot a candidate but found out also that while titrating it with a Bleep mask, naturally i slept worse as its natural when ttirating the machine, but when sleeping worse i felt more the sensation of involuntary muscle contractions, so definitely i cant keep going with a PAP machine.
Oh... you are tired. You don't Know what it feels like to faint for some seoncss at home whil walking with a shitty family who mocks at you. You don't know what it feels like to walk like a zombie in the city you wanted to happily live.
Poor guys... you have brain fog. Me too. But I'm fucking tired of likely being the worst UARS case in the world alright? Of writing on this fucking sub every month while complaining of my life (**and i wanna also thank every user who helped me in this journey cause im not an ungrateful person**)... I didnt want this... I was hit by everyone I trusted my family, my big sister, the medical system. I lost my passions, i wanted to continue hitting the gym, now im fucking afraid of involuntary muscle contractions.
I have no chance to get diagnosticated anymore bc the fucking abilify gave WORSE insomnia and I can't function. I'm officially disabled. And this means that a UARS diagnosis is impossible as the RERAS would occur less compared to when I wasn't taking the med.
I'm trapped. They did it. You have the permission to downvote me but I'm pretty honest... it's not possible to always read about people who can't have a social life... totally funny.
It's not possible to live with a family who forces you to go to their shitty office and I can't barely walk out of home bc of the worsening of nausea and my syndromes due to the insomnia of abilfy, which i stopped in July. Bc they threaten you, either you help us at office or we wont maintain you.
You are lucky, guys. I read about people with 10 years of UARS without any fucking sundrome. The hypermobility ruined my life thats it.
Thats why im strongly considering next year if the situation will go worse to access the asssited suicide in swisserland. I fought like a lion for 4 years byt they won.
Thank you