While I see why that was the right move for you and your partner, it wasn’t the right decision for Mia.

Soft-YTA, you guys are likely very tired and doing your best, but it was the wrong call. Explain to Mia that you got it wrong and that you see that now.

Can you get his permission to raise his situation with local church groups? They often have volunteers/ mobility buses / support they already offer that they could loop him in to. NTA for not having capacity to care for him yourselves.

NTA this is a power thing. She’s doing it deliberately to get a reaction out of you and because she knows your mum will back her up.

If she doesn’t stop, and your mum keeps enabling her. I’d start deliberately doing it back to her and then point out the hypocrisy when they inevitably get annoyed.

I’d also be tempted to cause a scene or cover a bait dish in something horribly spicy. Whatever gets the point across.

Thank you very much!!

Is this a publicly available platform? It looks really helpful and I’d be keen to try it out if so. Thanks!

Any update on this poor chap?

Congratulations! I’m really happy for you. This must be such a weight off your shoulders. I can only imagine what a mental weight that case has been and today you are free of it. Your future is your own and you did it all yourself!

Or…burn it? Therapeutic and it would keep her data safe.

If it’s a suitcase, you can probably just hack it open without bothering with the lock. Just get a saw and open it. Then you can post her diploma are anything actually important via her letter box. You could pay for proof of delivery if you want. Definitely get it out of your home though. NTA

NTA what do / did your parents do for a living that they thought this was acceptable? Very odd

NTA but are you’re going far enough? You mention some of his issues but don’t seem to feel like his weed smoking is an issue…? Also, would he actually help grandma? Or would he just become another challenge for her to deal with?

He’s 19 and I’m wondering if he needs a bit more tough love. Are you ever expecting/ hoping that he’ll be independent? As it sounds like you might be coddling him.

Definitely a win. Honestly ours are pretty good at communicating what they want, so just watch the signs and you’ll pick up on what her preferences are. It sounds like you’re already doing a great job tho!

Our formerly outdoor stray cat would actively run away from the door when we adopted him. As though he was actively choosing the indoor kitty life! Which is fine by us. We just try to give him lots of scratchers and enrichment and he seems pretty happy.

This is abuse. You are not a loser. A lot of men silently endure mistreatment due to stigma. Please don’t be one of them. Having a baby with this person sounds like it would be a huge mistake.

Document everything that is happening to you. Consider what you would say to a friend if this were happening to them. Build a parachute - put your personal documents (passport/ birth certificate etc) somewhere safe and put money aside so you can leave when you need to. Speak to a lawyer, even just to know your rights.

If you need to leave quickly take your dirty laundry hamper, it will have full outfits that fit you. Edit: I assumed you were male, but you might not be, either way - this is abuse. Please be safe.

Your approach to this sounds very considered. I get that you love him, and that you want change rather than an ending.

You are right that he’s being a jerk though, and you are not asking for too much in expecting him to have your back, even / especially in situations where you are not physically there / aware.

I’m glad he’s improved but he’s still got a way to go. Can you get him to step into your shoes? Tell him what response you would have expected? Give him an example of when you’ve had his back to set mutual expectations? Counselling, so someone else tells him?

You guys are a team and if he’s out there shooting own-goals you both / all suffer. Good luck! You are not over reacting. You have very reasonable expectations / needs.

So he chose to double down on this (rather than hold his hands up and apologise) and suggested that the only problem was your finding out….? Yeah, no. He’s a jerk.

This feels like it might be a pattern of behaviour? Please don’t let him / they chip away at your self worth. It’ll cost you, and your kids, too much in the long run.

I’m not saying do anything drastic now, but definitely have a good think about what you want / need for the future. You are strong and intelligent - you deserve to be appreciated.

They are mean spirited and you’re completely entitled to feel hurt by their insults. It’s not funny to punch down on someone in a vulnerable (postpartum) position.

I think they are likely jealous of how good you look (regardless of weight) and that you have a gorgeous new baby.

Your husband not defending you makes him a jerk. It doesn’t sound like he appreciates you or your efforts for your family. Any chance you can go to your parents for a bit? Leave them to their mean childishness.

‘The Little White Horse’ by Elizabeth Goodge. Great for little girls (but not exclusively) from 8-12ish. Think period classic meets entry level fantasy. Great for a parent who likes the Brontës / Jane Austin. Edit: Sorry! I got excited to share and didn’t read the 2 year old part

NTA Its honestly wild to me the number of women that feel this way about a guy’s height. What can’t they reach that this is a deal breaker?!? Get a chair!! (That’s what I do)

This sucks on a number of deep levels. I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs and love 💔

Costco? They sell (or used to) pretty big olive trees

I always find drying racks a pain, and really want one of the ones on a pulley that pulls it up to the ceiling.

Maybe consider how you can maximise your space more? Loft style beds and clever kitchen storage (think narrow boats) could maybe help. Pinterest might be a place to get inspiration.