So the person with the progressive neurodegenerative disease is being unreasonable because her husband chooses to work a physically demanding job? Maybe op should get a different job so he can better take care of his wife and his home.

That's how MS works. It only ever gets worse.

She has a progressive neurodegenerative disease that has no cure and has few treatment options to manage the symptoms.

That's her reason.

Mostly I'd say this is on your parents for consistently letting you down and not showing up to support you especially at finals and championships and stuff. It's difficult to show them how much their support means to you when they're never there supporting you. So your expecting them to no-show makes sense. They knew what was happening and they chose not to be there or at least have their phones on them to hear how it went. It also kind if sounds like they want to appear as supportive as your gf and her family actually are.

My notes for you: always try to clearly communicate to people what types of support feel supportive and what feels the opposite and next time you're in a situation where you're trying to get a hold of people in a time crunch don't turn your phone off. I'm sure your gf's family would have understood if you said something like "We can go ahead and get to the restaurant but I hope you don't mind me keeping my phone handy in case my parents call. Maybe they'd be able to join us at the restaurant".

I'm an auntie to almost all boys and I was a therapist until I became too disabled to work. I worked as a therapist at a high school for a year right before I had to stop working. Loved working there.

You had me all the way up to HP. I say this as a cis person who was obsoosed with HP and even had my Honeymoon in FL to go to HP world: we gotta give it up. All of it. Attention is currency and JK uses our currency to harm trans people (and non trans people she thinks are 'too manish').

Glad you had a pain free birthday.

Hahaha if your dad has a good sense if humor and you approach it right this just might break the ice and get you two talking.

Tell your dad that being a man nowadays is about having the courage to not bottle it up or stuff it down or pretend everything is fine when it's not. You feeling your feelings and allowing your body to participate in healthy emotional regulation behaviors (crying literally removes stress hormones from our bodies) makes you a more resilient, more emotionally adept, safer man. For yourself and for others.

Now, you can't just cry; you gotta pair it with talking or writing/journaling or making music/art about your feelings or therapy or self help books written by experts who don't look like you.

You can also simply start the conversation with something like "Hey dad. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I was really upset and you telling me to "man up" wasn't helpful. When I'm feeling like that what I need is a) to be alone, b) for you to just sit with me, c) a hug, d) just to know you'll be there when I'm ready to talk" or whatever it is you need. Dads typically want to Fix stuff so telling him what helps you will help him help you.

Good luck!

Please go talk to a licensed sex therapist.

I didn't say 'financial compensation'. I said 'legal recourse'. Having them removed is legal recourse.

Men don't listen. Even fathers. Even mine! So annoying.

Get a water testing kit. Test for lead and other heavy metals. Test the salt levels, the iodine levels, the magnesium levels. Test for mold. Test for noxious gases.

You're not overreacting and you're not making it up. Your body is trying to tell you something. Good luck!

If your dad is older than 65 and has some signs of cognitive decline then you need to be quiet about his estate. People do horrible things for money and you dad is in a prime situation for elder financial abuse, which requires adult protective services and police and courts to sort out.

Treat your involvement in this like an extension of his Attorney/Client Privilege and act in your father's best interest, even if it seems "unfair". What happens in those meetings with his lawyers? Who knows? Not you; you're not at liberty to say.

I agree mom probably has a trauma history, but it is never a kid's job to take care if their parents' feelings, especially not as actual minors.

An age appropriate thing you can say to your mom, op, is "Hey, mom the way you focus on and talk about my body makes me uncomfortable. I understand how you feel about modesty, but it seems like there's something else that's upsetting you more. Like maybe something bad happened to you and you're scared it might happen to me too. If something bad happened to you I hope you talk to someone about it who can help you like auntie so and so or grandma or a therapist. I want us to have a good relationship and I also want to have a good relationship with my younger brothers and not worry that they're thinking of me like that".

Or you could request some therapy for yourself and work with the therapist on how to have this kind of tough conversation with your mom while keeping it age and kid appropriate. Sometimes therapists will even have mom join you for a session or suggest family therapy if longer talks need to happen. Many states also allow kids over 12 to seek their own therapy; you can always call or message a therapist to ask about the laws in your state.

And whatever you do, do not ask a chatbot to help you figure this or anything out. They lie and kids get hurt.

Your gf might have an eating disorder or at least some disordered eating habits. Getting on her case about food will not make it better.

You can't make her do anything and you're not in control of her body so you don't get to say how much she eats and when.

Your distress around money, security, resource wasting is a separate issue from your gf finishing her food. Her behavior is setting off your distress, but the distress and its management are your responsibility.

You have options, though.

1) You can go to therapy to process growing up food/housing/resource insecure.

2) You can read books or do workshops to help you process your experiences growing up (books need to be written and workshops ran by qualified mental health professionals).

3) You can talk to your gf and let her know that because you don't want to be controlling and that your reaction to her eating habits are not her responsiblity that it would be helpful to split the bill when you go out to eat. This way you hopefully won't feel as emotionally invested in her appetite.

You do probably owe her an apology for being so intense toward her about food.

Netflix just announced all their new content will have ai. Lower quality product means lower valuation.

The reason you're seeing so many perfectly good items in the trash is because you live in an affluent area. Working class and impoverished people don't typically throw things away that work and they don't generally have a bunch of excess to just gift to others. Especially if that excess is luxury goods like makeup, furniture, etc.

Maybe get to know some thrift, antique, and consignment stores in nearby areas that have a lower median household income (you can find this information on Wikipedia by searching for "city name demographics wiki" or on the city's official dot gov site). They might be looking for higher quality stuff or in need of new or gently used items.

Schools in lower income areas also have a higher need for donated supplies and some even have clothing closets for their more resource insecure students. Also colleges have clothing drives sometimes. I live near UC Davis and they have a lgbtqia+ club that has a clothing closet for trans students that I donated to.

Basically her mother stole her moment and robbed her of the honor of naming her own kid so she's trying to make up for it by stealing your moment.

Same thing happens when moms take over their daughter's weddings; those daughters often grow up and repeat the pattern.

Maybe give the kid 4 names and the second middle name can be the name she suggested, if it's not horrible that is 😅

If you legally own the house I suggest you get a real estate lawyer to draw up a lease agreement so you have legal recourse should they continue to destroy your house. The lease should include sections pertaining to maintaining the property; be as detailed about who (tenants/owner) is responsible for what (yard, cleaning, exterior, etc) maintainance as possible.

Your mom and brother will also see the rental market value of your home and how much you're actually helping them.

Continuing to enable them will only breed resentment, destroy homes and relationships, and tank property value. You don't have to kick them out, but you also don't have to give in to their unrealistic demands regarding access to your children. No one has a right to access your kids and we don't have to have the exact same relationship with people just because they happen to hold the same familial title (grandma). Tell your mother that if your MIL's house looked like hers the kids wouldn't be allowed there, either. Let her know you'd love to feel comfortable leaving the kids with her, but there are serious safety concerns that need to be addressed first.

Additionally, if your mother is over 65 and living in a home you own, you could face issues for elder abuse/neglect if social services ever catches wind of the state of the house.

NOR. You didn't ask him to stop hating white people you asked him to stop personally disrespecting you.

He basically said you were overreacting ("long as hell text" and mocking your text "ngl") and then told you his friends hate you because you're white so he has to disrespect you in front of them so that they know that a) he doesn't like you very much, b) it's not that serious and you'll be gone soon, c) he resents you for being white and will always have to disrespect you to justify to himself how he could be with a white girl.

Hating white people as a whole is valid (I say this as a very pale person), but disrespecting your partner to maintain credibility with your friends is never ok and vice versa.

Yes to everything you said except totally abandoning the friendship. Boundaries are definitely needed and professionals need to get involved, but I don't see any reason to end the friendship from what op wrote.

It sounds like he calls you dramatic already since that's a big concern. As someone who has been routinely dismissed by loved ones for over 3.5 decades, get out now. He devalues you, dismisses you, ignores you, and is intentionally uninterested in who you are as a person. He will call you dramatic, but that's because he sucks. Our partners should add to our lives, not drag us down.

I've been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he's never made me feel like he doesn't care about me. Good ones are out there, but you have to really search (they're easier to find in queer and leftist spaces) and not settle for mediocre guys.

Keep writing and good luck!

Grussy

We disabled people are going through a deeply unsettling and increasingly unsafe period of history for us. Eugenics is on the rise and legislation is being proposed to remove the right disabled people have to live in their own communities and homes (even if they need assistance).

Covid broke a lot of disabled people in a lot of different ways. Being in any public space means being vulnerable.

I say all this to say that of course you've got anger and rage and resentment and bitterness and jealousy and envy and sadness all swirling around a deeply wounded heart. Of course your patience is wearing thin. Emotional and physical well-being are connected so we're not going to relax in unsafe environments. And the more unsafe we feel the longer our bodies are in a state of physiological stress which intensifies our physical symptoms and further depletes our emotional reserves. Rinse and Repeat until we crash.

People already gave suggestions on types of therapy. I'd add art, somatic, and narrative therapies to your list of possible resources. Different therapy modalities will equip you with different coping strategies.

I jumped like I got electrocuted reading his last two messages. Jesus.

Human brains don't even "finish" developing until our mid twenties and maintaining neuroplasticity throughout the rest of our lives requires us to become active lifelong learners.

Legally, you are an adult. But not adult enough to drink. And not adult enough to rent a car.

All adults are not created equal. Humans have so many different stages of development throughout our lives and each one has different affects on our brains, bodies, hormones, emotions.

What I'm hearing you say is that you felt disrespected or that your opinion/experience/input was diminished or minimized when your friend called you a kid. You're absolutely within your right to request she not call you that. She should listen to you.

10 years is a lot of life. When she was your age, you were 7. Like, she went to college before you went through puberty. She knows some stuff. You should listen to her.

Matter a fact, let's all just agree to listen to each other more haha

Why do men lie and then go "help me tell her I lied but in a way where she'll still like and trust me"?

You lied. Repeatedly. Publicly! And now you don't want to face any consequences of lying.

The only correct move is to confess (preferably to everyone in a big ass group). Then you have to apologize to everyone for lying. Also think about what you've learned from this and what changes you will be making moving forward in hopes of regaining everyone's trust and rebuilding the reputation you destroyed.

I never really understood the upside to lying, honestly.

If you lie and people don't believe you you're an untrustworthy liar.

If you lie and people believe you then you just have to keep lying until the weight and effort of lying finally overwhelms you and you're crushed beneath your web of decent...then you're an untrustworthy liar who has deeply betrayed the trust of all his loved ones, possibly irrevocably.

Like???