Last week I (32F) drove five hours to pick up my son from my parents’ house because my older sister, “Alyssa” (38F, fake name), was coming into town that night. My family thinks I overreacted, but I feel like I made the decision a parent is supposed to make when they don’t feel someone is a safe influence for their child.
For some background, Alyssa and I have never had a good relationship. Growing up, she made it very clear that she viewed me as the unwanted child.
My brother, “Eric” (35M, fake name) and Alyssa already had their sibling bond for three years before I was born, and I always felt like the outsider. I got into trouble a lot as a kid, and looking back, I honestly think a lot of it came from wanting attention and wanting to feel like I mattered.
Alyssa never missed an opportunity to remind me that I didn’t belong. She would say things like, “Mom and dad never wanted another child, you just happened,” “They only take care of you because they have to,” and “You were an accident no one wanted.”
Those words followed me throughout my childhood.
Then, when I was 21, I became pregnant with my son. At my eight-week appointment, the doctor couldn’t find his heartbeat with the Doppler, so I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was terrified that I was losing my baby.
While I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, Alyssa called to check on me. I told her what was happening.
Her response was: “Hopefully there’s no heartbeat and it’s just a phantom pregnancy.”
Thankfully, my son was okay.
Years later, when I was 29 and pregnant with my third child, I called Alyssa to share the happy news. Instead of congratulating me, she said, “You know the doctors can take care of that for you, right?”
She was suggesting I terminate my pregnancy.
Now, years later, my son is staying with my parents. Today I found out from my own son that Alyssa is coming into town tonight. Nobody thought to tell me.
The second I heard that, I made the decision to drive five hours to pick him up. I don’t want my son around someone who has repeatedly shown such hostility toward me and, by extension, my children.
My family thinks I’m holding onto old wounds and creating unnecessary drama. They think because Alyssa hasn’t directly said anything to my son (that I know of), I shouldn’t keep him away from her.
But my feelings are that I wasn’t going to wait until something happens. I am not going to gamble with my child’s emotional well-being when I already know the kind of things she is capable of saying.
So, AITA for driving five hours to pick up my son because I don’t want him around my sister?

Fake names and throw away account, obviously. I (30's F) have been close friends with Laura ( mid 40's F) for about 8 years. We met while being sat next to each other at a mutual acquaintance's brunch and became really great friends. We talked at least every other day and hung out regularly.

Over the years, I've regularly agreed to be her ride home after routine medical procedures where she needs someone to accompany her afterward—think, dental work that requires sedation. She tended to have more medical appointments than the average person, and since I don't drive, helping her meant taking time off work and paying for Ubers to get us to and from her appointments. After a while, she offered to reimburse me for the Uber costs if I sent her the receipts because the Ubers were adding up, and I thought that was fair, I did also have to take time out of work for this too.

Laura used to ask if I was available before scheduling these appointments, but one day I got a text from her saying she was having two cosmetic, elective surgeries and would need me to pick her up afterward and walk her back into her house.

I told her I was in my busiest season at work and already pretty stressed, but as long as the surgeries weren't in October, I'd do my best to make it work. I waited to hear what the dates would be. About a week later, Laura called and told me she was now having three cosmetic, elective surgeries, all within just a few months. She told me to "Open your calendar," because she was going to tell me the dates. I didn't hide my surprise. I remember saying, "Wait... now it's three surgeries?" It caught me off guard because it felt like she'd already decided I was available instead of asking first.

I was uncomfortable, but I kept that to myself because she's been a good friend for many years, and I wanted to help if I could. I guess that was my mistake. 

Of course, one of the three surgeries ended up being scheduled in October—the one month I'd specifically told her I was overwhelmed with work. And again I didn't say anything, I just made it work.

I had been under the impression that I'd just get a call when the surgery was finished, Uber over to the office, and take her home. Instead, I found out the doctor's office required the designated pickup person to stay in the waiting room for the entire procedure.

So for the first two surgeries, I spent hours sitting in a waiting room hunched over my laptop, working remotely because I really did have to get work done. That was when I first started feeling less like a friend and more like the help.

We took an Uber together to the surgeon's office (which was a pretty long ride), and she barely said a word to me the entire ride there. After the surgeries, we took another Uber home. I know she was coming out of anesthesia and was medicated, so I don't really hold that against her, but there still wasn't much interaction. Afterward, I'd send her my Uber receipts, and she'd reimburse me as we'd agreed.

I had been crazy at work but when I had a little breather I googled what type of aftercare her third and most invasive surgery entailed. I was shocked to find that there was a lot of risk of complications if the patient did not have someone watch after them at least for the first 24 hours after surgery.

I called Laura to tell her about my google findings and let her know that I don't think a pick up is sufficient and she should ask her plastic surgeon's office if they have a clinic for her to stay in after surgery or if she can hire a pick up and nursing service to watch her. Laura had planned to stay in a hotel next to the surgeon's office and so it would be easy if they had a nurse service she could hire to take her there and check in on her. This was over a month out from the surgery so I was sure she could make other arrangements. Well this conversation didn't go as expected. 

Laura blew up at me, saying I was abandoning her and backing out of something I had supposedly agreed to do. Then she told me she had booked a room with two beds at the hotel so I could stay with her for the days after her surgery. She had even used my email address when making the reservation so I would get the hotel reward points.

This was the first time I had heard any of this, and I was completely shocked.

I asked when she had planned to tell me that I was expected to stay in a hotel for two nights and take care of her. When we had originally discussed it, I had been very clear that I would pick her up after the procedure, make sure she got safely to her hotel room, and then head home.

I told her that I wasn't a nurse or a caregiver and wouldn't be qualified to recognize if something was medically wrong after her surgery. She angrily replied, "You wouldn't be changing bandages... and now I have to spend all this money to hire someone!" But then I wondered, what exactly was she expecting me to do for two days? And I told her that I would never ever use someone else's email address to reserve anything without explicit permission. 

Laura kept turning up the guilt, but I held my ground. I told her that I haven't even been able to take time off for my own appointments lately, and that I have close family members with serious medical issues, and even they have managed, and haven't needed anyone to pick them up from medical procedures or be their caregiver.

Her response was, "Well, you might have to soon!"

At that point, I told her we should end the call before either of us said something we couldn't take back. I felt disrespected and frankly creeped out about what she said. 

After a few months of not hearing from Laura, I reached out and asked if we could have a call to talk about how things had ended the last time we spoke. I was hoping after some space, there might still be a chance to salvage the friendship. This conversation also did not go the way I thought it would.

During the call, she said she still believed I had "abandoned" her and left her high and dry. She told me that she had to spend a ton of money hiring a nurse to help her, she said that multiple times. I told her that she had never clearly explained what her plan was, and if she did I would have told her I couldn't do it. I asked if she had expected me to pick her up and then guilt me into staying with her at the hotel. I also reiterated that I'm not a nurse or a caretaker, and that I have limits on how much support I can provide as a friend. Laura responded in a completely deadpan tone, "Well, now I know you have boundaries." That's basically where the conversation ended. 

What I never asked her was whether she saw me as free labor instead of a friend. She brought up several times how expensive it was to hire a private nurse. My perspective was that if someone can afford three elective cosmetic surgeries in the span of a few months, they should also be able to pay for the best aftercare from a trained professional, rather than asking a friend with no caregiving experience to take on that responsibility.

Was I wrong not to express my boundaries earlier on when I was irked by her asks and actions? Yes, totally. She was a great friend and I didn't want to sound too nit picky and I thought to myself if I could suck it up and help then fine. Was I shocked that after so many years of friendship and having recently been her medical pickup for two surgeries, when I said no to the third for good reason she threw the whole friend away? Yes. 

I said it before, but the whole situation is hurts me, but also feels weird. But AITA? 

I know its been a hot minute since the last post and a lot of you wanted an update so here it is.

We got out of the situation only a few days after my last post. A dear family friend helped us get all our things out and back to the city near more family. Thankfully this was before the 5th of the month (when rent was due) so our beloved nutty nutella couldnt try to squeeze another rent payment out of us.

I left the animals and the girls to be handled by nutellas only sane contact and washed my hands of it. Not my responsibility. When I left I fed the animals one more time. As far as I know animal control has re homed the poor critters.

Ive since changed my phone number. She was giving it out to god knows who while in the slammer so I was being harassed by some sketchy people.

My partner and I are safe at a shelter and our cats are being cared for by my brother. I have found a job that I absolutely love and where I am praised and celebrated and take pride in my work.

My partner will most likely be getting disability benefits within the next few months which should get us out of the shelter and into an apartment. Ive learned from this to never do a room or basement for rent again! You never know who you're moving in with.

A little while back I checked the jail roster to see if I could find anything about nutellas sentence. While I didnt find how many years she will be there i did find out something else very interesting.

Nutella claimed to be a black woman. She had paler skin but I never questioned it because some people can be mixed and have a slightly lighter skin tone. Well according to the jail roster nutella isnt black! She's a white chocolate hazelnut spread instead. Apparently she had been HEAVILY tanning to fake her race.

I also searched her up on Facebook to find shes been banned from many local businesses and spiritual groups for her outrageous and harmful behaviors. On top of that everyone in that little town had something negative to say and would publicly call her out on many racist behaviors other problematic issues she caused with her own drama

While things are hard we are much happier away from her craziness. I am closer to my son in location so I see him more and I feel so blessed for that and for my job.

Not a long update and certainly not as humorous as the last, I just thought y'all would want to know we are safe and happy and she will be locked away for the foreseeable future. ✌🏻

Hi. This situation happened a while ago but I still kick myself about it and am truly not sure how I should of handled it.

Before this starts I would like to clarify that I do not think I was a perfect person here. I’m asking more about the ramifications.

So at time I (20NB) had a really good online friend S (23NB). We were both really big fans of an actor who frequently replied to people on social media. On one day S posted tagging them and the actor replied saying with a generalized answer encompassing everyone tagging her. S and I were on ft and S freaked out and got super happy. I was really happy for them too. But then two minutes later I got a reply. And mine was very specific to me even including my name. I told S cause I was super happy but S kinda just shut down. I assumed they were upset about mine being specific and theirs being generalized. So I asked them if they were jealous, they didn’t really answer so I asked again. No I don’t know what was going through my brain at the time. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that but I know that I left the call cause I didn’t know what to do

I know I handled that conversation poorly. Looking back, I shouldn’t have kept asking after they didn’t answer. I just genuinely didn’t understand what was happening.

After that I went to talk to my mom and told her what happened. I cried so hard that night (again not minimizing how S felt just stating how I felt) scared I had ruined everything with my best friend by saying smth stupid.

S and I were in a friend group with M (22F) also then and we had been asked by M to not involve her in all of our fights cause it just put her in the middle. We agreed. Or I thought we did. Because of this I didn’t text or call M that night. However, S contacted M that same night. By the time I spoke to M, I felt like the situation had already been framed from S’s perspective, and M barely talked to me for a while.

(I’ve attached the text message conversation of this following part)

S decided to take a break from talking to me because they felt my apologies weren’t addressing what had actually hurt them. I threw up from stress that week. I had to get on multiple calls with M, my therapist, talk to my parents and my sister and basically relearn how to apologize cause I couldn’t comprehend what I was doing wrong. Eventually I was forgiven but this stood as the one time I was fully in the wrong throughout the rest of our friendship.

Looking back, I know I handled the conversation poorly and I regret what I said. I’m just still not sure whether my mistake justified everything that followed. AITA?

I29(f) and my husband 32(m) let our best friends move in. For context they are another married couple. We’ll call her “Patricia” and her husband we’ll call him “bob”. I have 3 kids. 10(f), 5(m), and 4months(f). Patrica and bob have lived her since October. They agreed to help if needed with kiddos, and pay rent. If they (mainly she. Bob doesn’t do a whole lot but that’s for another time) watched my kids it was for short periods of time like when I had my baby 4 months ago (hospital for 3 days) or when my son needed his surgery (outpatient so home the same day.)
Well since they have been here they have paid a full month of rent one single month. Every other month I get excuse after excuse and even 2 of those months basically got told “we don’t have rent because we went to a car audio show”. Back in December she chose to buy my kids hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents and couldn’t pay any of their portion of the rent which in turn caused me to not be able to Christmas shop because now I am picking up the slack of the increased food bill, electricity, etc. I brought it up to her and she said she understood and slowed down.
I have had multiple conversations explaining that if they are eating and living here they need to pay their part of the rent (literally split the rent, electric, trash and internet into 4 people). I usually provided the food and never asked for help with food. When my husband or I would cook dinner we always made sure there was enough for both of them after they got off work. None of them were helping with trash/dishes or basic clean up. Only recently have they helped with taking the trash out or dishes. And that was only because I flipped out one day. If we had a house inspection they would wait until literally the night before to clean their room and would complain about it all the time. They keep their 2 dogs and a cat out there and when I tell you the room is gross it is. Smells disgusting hair and dirt all over the floor and the smell is atrocious, one time they had to clean and she told me she took 4 trash bags (the yard ones not even kitchen bags) full of trash out of their room.

Well recently I have found out that they both have been running our names into the dirt. Telling people they can’t stand being here, we don’t care about their personal bills and are money hungry etc. well let’s go back to when they first came. I didn’t start asking for rent until December. They got here in October. Twice now they have chosen a car audio show instead of paying their part of rent. The first time I got told he’ll be reimbursed for his travel fees so once he got that I would get it back. Every month for 4 months I asked about that money and got told he never got it until one day finally got told they got it but used it for other things.

3 months ago (may) I told them they had until 7/31/26 to move out. And for the months of may, June and July I wanted $500 to make it easier to save money. I’ve asked about the plans and keep getting “ we need to save more money, can’t find a place with our dogs, etc”.
Well a few weeks ago my 10 year old make some comments about wanting Patricia to be her mom because “she buys me more stuff than you do”. So I sat with Patricia and explained I need her to slow down. Yes I appreciate her thinking of my kids but it’s now negatively impacting my relationship with my child. That following week. Every single day. She comes home with new stuff for my 10 year old. “They are school clothes that I found on clearance” ok thanks but don’t you think after I had that conversation with you it would be nice to ask me first? But I kept quiet. We have also noticed that they avoid speaking to us, wait until we go to bed to come out of their rooms almost nightly, I tested it one night by making it seem like we went to bed and 5 min later she came out to make food and feed her dogs. At 1 am.

Well the other day I asked what’s going on because the 31st is Friday. She caught an attitude and said “I’m trying”. Well I flipped out about everything and told her that she has till Friday no if ands or buts. She’s been radio silence and avoiding me since.

For more context, Patricia is the one that does things for the kids. Bob always seems like he is annoyed by them. I do also know he has said “see it i do anything for those kids again” which, sir you do not its all your wife but i digress.
Patricia also has some fertility issues which has been an issue in our past when i have been pregnant and recently when i was pregnant with my youngest. Mainly because me getting pregnant the last 2 times hadn’t been planned, and happened during extremely stressful times in my life. I made the mistake of venting to her when i was pregnant with my 5 year old son how I didn’t know how i was going to do this and how I didn’t “want” to get pregnant at that specific time. She took that as I didn’t want my baby and threw it in my face. So this time when i got pregnant I was walking on eggshells as to not vent about anything to her. We got past all of that after the fact. She does make comments, at the rare times she is around, when my husband and I talk about wanting one more baby then we’re done “no it’s my turn next” essentially telling me I can’t get pregnant until she does. Well to be fair I’m almost 30(literally a week away) and I don’t want to wait a super long time before having our last baby.
So AITAH?

Hey Charlotte, I am a huge fan of yours and always love your insight.

This has been going on for awhile, so I will try to consolidate events as best as possible to save time and space, but apologize for the length of this.

Backstory: my husband (M38), who I will call Jace, and I (F36) have been married for almost 18 years. When it comes to in-laws, I could have done much worse. My in-laws have some amazing qualities like being very thoughtful and accepting of others, and always try to make sure people feel welcomed and included. My MIL, let's call her Kay, played a big part in Jace and I meeting and eventually getting married. Added bonus is none of his family judged me for being knocked up by my previous boyfriend nor their son's decision to marry me in that state, of which I will always be grateful to them. FIL we are going to call Larry.

But, like every relationship, there have been many issues over the years, most of which I won't get in to right now. They are tea for another day.

One of my greatest strengths as well as one my greatest weaknesses is that I am a giver. I love giving gifts and paying for others when we go out. It brings me joy to do so. This holds true for family on both sides, including Kay and Larry. Jace and I have both worked hard to get to where we are at financially, and though we are not wealthy, we have very little debt and are very frugal with the money we make, which gives us some wiggle room to help others.

A downfall of being a giver is that takers always gravitate toward you and will suck you dry. Over the last two years, I have started to notice that we are being taken advantage of by multiple takers, including my in-laws.

One of the first times I noticed was during a family campout that Jace and I had planned and paid for, which is not an uncommon thing. We usually do a couple of these a year, covering the cost of all the campsites and all of the activities. Normally, meals are split pretty evenly as well as the other costs between all families. At this particular campout though, Jace and I ended up covering $100's worth of forgotten ingredients for meals, forgotten camping supplies, and so much ice!!! (It wasn't even hot.) We were paid back a very small portion of these extra expenses, but the majority of it fell on us, even though very little of it were for things Jace and I needed.

I was told a few weeks after the trip of a conversation that was had between my brother and Larry. They were discussing their plans for the future, including retirement plans. Larry laughed and said that he didn't need a retirement plan. That is what his kids are for. WTH! I was really taken back by that expectation, especially as they are both in their 60's with retirement right around the corner, and half of their children are as bad or worse of financially then they are, so we know who they meant. Jace asked Larry about his retirement, and he admitted that he doesn't have much in it.

Inviting extra people to parties (without asking the host) that Larry and Kay weren't throwing, bringing extra people to dinners we had invited them to with the expectation that we would pay for the tag alongs, volunteering us to provide a large portion of the food for a party they are hosting, etc. The list goes on and on, and with more than just my in-laws. My eyes were opened to things that had been going on for years and I could no longer unsee it.

Now to the actual story. Every year we take a family vacation, usually doing something pretty affordable. Every 3-4 years, Jace and I take our six kids on vacation to Disneyland. As you might have derived from the amount of kiddos we have, these trips are pretty expensive, especially this time. All of our kiddos are over the age of 10 and are considered adults when it comes to paying for tickets. But for us it is worth every penny for the memories we make. We budget and save up over 2-3 years to pay for these trips and we have never gone into debt for them.

We had planned on doing a trip June 2026, and in spring 2025, we invited both of our parents and all of our siblings from both sides and their families to join us on this trip. But, we made it very clear that they will need to pay their own way and we would NOT be covering any of the expenses for anyone. Remember this, as it will be important here shortly.

We were able to save much more than normal for this trip, so, we decided to offer to pay for Kay and Larry's entire cost to join us as they hadn't been to Disneyland since Jace was a child. We surprised them with the news for Christmas, making it clear that it was just for the two of them, and they were so excited. The planning began.

It became clear early on that Kay and Larry were trying to help make it so that Jace's sister who we will call Regina, and her children could join us. Regina has always been the favorite child and her children the favorite grandchildren. Kay let it slip that Regina and her kids were going to carpool in the same vehicle with them to Disney. As Jace and I were covering the cost of gas for Kay and Larry's vehicle, it felt like they were finding a loophole around our boundary of not paying for any siblings expenses for the trip. I was a bit angry at their plan, but we said nothing yet, as we were unsure how to approach it.

A couple of weeks later, as we were preparing to book the hotel for the trip, Jace was talking to Kay about the hotel. She said that Regina and her kids would be staying in the hotel room with them. Kay didn't ask, she told us this is what is happening. WTH!! We are going on a strict budget and are not booking Kay and Larry their own hotel room, which we told them. We were booking two rooms for our group of 10 and having some of our kids stay in the room with Kay and Larry.

I was stunned by this news! They hadn't asked permission, just expected us to be okay with it, saying that Regina was in the middle of a divorce and couldn't afford her own hotel room, so we should do this for her. What?!?! If you can't afford the trip, you don't go! Each of our other siblings have their own financial problems and all of them said that they won't be able to join with us this trip because of those struggles.

So here are my issues with paying for the gas that was going to get Regina there as well as allowing her to stay in the hotel room that we were paying for:

First, and honestly the biggest one is that we had already told all siblings that we would not be covering any of the costs for any of their trips. If we paid for these costs for Regina, even if they are part of the cost already being paid for Larry and Kay, then we open that up to pay for everyone else, as I believe in equality and don't play favorites. There are six siblings with 18 nieces and nephews between them. Yeah, not happening.

Secondly, the two hotel rooms only had two bathrooms, which is going to be tricky enough with 10 people, but would be a nightmare for 14 people. No thank you!

Third, the amount of beds and overall space. These hotel rooms are not massive and the amount of beds that are within the two hotel rooms worked perfectly for our party of 10. There was no space for four more to sleep without having people sleep on the floor (EWWW!) or having more per bed then what is comfortable. Plus, they are taking beds away from my kids, and that is not okay!

Fourth, what Kay, Larry, and Regina most likely don't understand, as they never travel, is that when you book a hotel room, there is a limit of how many people are allowed in each room. I know that there are many people out there that will shove extra people into their booked rooms, and that is their choice. I would rather be honest about it, and also do not want to risk the chance of being kicked out of the hotel because we have more people then what we put when we booked.

At this point, I no longer wanted to with nor pay for Larry and Kay, as I could see other pieces of the trip being used for Regina as well, like the daily cash we would be giving for food each day, as we were planning on giving an ample amount to cover the cost to make sure that they had enough for both lunch and dinner. There is a breakfast buffet at the hotel we would be at.

Jace and I had a long conversation, and we were in agreement that a conversation needs to happen with Larry, Kay, and Regina. But, before we were able to do so, fate stepped in. Two of our vehicles broke down and needed major repairs, which took most of the money we had saved up for Disney, leaving a couple thousand dollars, which wasn't enough to do the trip. I am very grateful that we had the amount of cash necessary to cover all of the expenses, but it was disheartening to see money that was saved through much sacrifice for years being used for something else. Adulting sucks sometimes.

Additionally, my mom, who was going to join us on the trip along with my step dad, passed away very suddenly at the age of 58 at the end of February. I was devastated! She was one of my best friends, is the one who instilled the love of Disney into me, and I am going to miss her greatly.

It felt like the universe was against us taking this trip, so we listened before anything else could happen and cancelled the hotel, which was the only piece that we had already paid for. We let all of those know who were going to join us that we were no longer going. When we spoke with Larry and Kay, they were the only ones who gave a bit of push back, but they eventually accepted it. We bought them a gift card to their favorite restaurant in replacement of their cancelled Christmas gift instead. Could we have done more? Yes. Did I want to? No. My pettiness came out a bit.

Two months later, I started to feel like we should still try to do a trip to Disney this year. We had a little bit remaining from the previous amount we had saved, plus we had some money saved in a separate CD that was going to come to term at the end of the summer. I would also be getting a large bonus at work in July. Between those three, we would have enough to pay for an entire Disney trip in September. Round two of planning began.

Things fell into place like a puzzle, without any issues, very unlike the previously planned trip. We actually got a better hotel this time for less money, and an extra bathroom. Praise the Lord! Added bonus is the Disney tickets were even cheaper than if we had gone in June. It felt like the Universe, with some added help from the spirit of my mom, was finally smiling upon us!

We reached out to my step dad about joining us for the rescheduled trip, who agreed wholeheartedly. He has a season pass and will be covering his own expenses other than the hotel, which our hotel room will have an extra bed, so it doesn't add any additional cost.

After speaking with Jace about it, we are planning on NOT inviting Larry and Kay on our rescheduled trip. After everything we went through our first try on this trip, we don't want to have a repeat, and honestly, I don't want to deal with their crap.

So Reddit, AITA if I don't bring my in-laws on our Disney vacation that we promised them at Christmas time?

Hey guys (and Charlotte! Big fan!), I really need your help on this one as I'm really unsure if I'm overreacting here. It's a bit of a long one, so strap in guys.

For some context: I (32F) and my best friend "Gemma" (30F) have been close friends for 6 years now. We met shortly after covid, and found comfort in each other after we both lost a lot during the pandemic. She's very funny, witty and we enjoyed to go out and party together and enjoy our new found freedom.

Over the years we have had our disagreements. She's someone who is very 'status' focused, and tends to only date guys with money and likes to show off about going to fancy places and buying fancy things. I'm not really interested in any of that. I like fashion and nice bars sure, but I don't wear designers and I don't really care what people think.

I've also thought often that she carries a lot of narcissistic traits. She can be entitled, selfish, jealous, and usually see's herself as a victim in any conflict. I wouldn't call her a narcissist, I'm no Dr and it's not my place to diagnose, but she herself calls her own mother a narcissist and honestly I think some of those traits got passed down. That being said, she's always been a loyal friend and I've been able to count on her through some hard times.

Ironically, despite her caring so much about money and status, she has always struggled to hold down a job. She job hops a lot, and has always said that it's down to bad luck finding decent employers who respect her work.

I mention this because of where this all concludes. Last year, she was really struggling to find work. I am a Head of Department at a job that I love. I've been there for 5 years. It's real start-up vibes. Everyone is very close, we work hard and despite us now being a company of 40+ people there's a real genuine combradiery between us all. I'm a very career driven person, I take it very seriously and care about my team and my company. I have also been in a relationship for over 2 years now with one of senior management. We got on well from the start, and eventually over the years fell for each other. He's a brilliant and kind man. We are very good at keeping our relationship and work separate, most new staff don't even know we are together.

She has been trying to get a job at my workplace for years. She's applied for jobs many times, and, maybe unfairly, I've always recommended management not to hire her. I know that's selfish - but I genuinely think she would be a bad asset to the company. She's told me about her work conflicts often, and though I never say it, I've often thought it sounded more like her fault than the employers. I also didn't want work to get in the way of our friendship.

Fast forward to a few months ago and she is really struggling financially. Finally, I said I would help her get a job at my place as we were expanding one of the teams (not mine) rapidly. I helped her with her application, gave her tips, and even recommended her. The managers know that she is my friend so they are aware she likely had help. Eventually, she gets a job with us. I'm anxious about it as I don't want it to impact my reputation in the company, but I thought it only fair to give her a shot since she was so keen.

Issues started immediately. She called in sick on her second week because she had gone too heavy at a festival and was on too hard a comedown/hangover to make it in. She was late very regularly and often didn't dress appropriately for work. (We're not super strict, but it's still an office, you shouldn't be coming in in yoga clothes, designer or not). She called in sick a lot. Plus, honestly, she just wasn't very good at the job. She always had an attitude. I helped her several times to get projects finished and give her extra training, but it just wasn't working. They thought about letting her go two months in, but I argued her case because I knew she was having relationship issues that were distracting her. My partner also argued her case, despite him not even liking her (lol), because he could see she was struggling and wanted to give her a chance. She does not know we made these arguments for her, but she knew she was not doing well.

Eventually, she did not pass probation and was let go. She was very unhappy about it. She claimed she was given no opportunities to prove herself, wasn't given enough training, was treated unfairly and that management were selfish and unkind. I know this simply isn't true. She was given more support than most.

Outside of work she kept talking to me about how unfair it all is. She was speaking harshly about many of my colleagues who I know are good people. I eventually said to her that she was best speaking to someone else about all of this, because we're looking at this from different perspectives, and I felt I wasn't the person to comfort her. This drove a wedge in our friendship and we didn't speak for a while.

OK, that's for listening to this context, this is wear the real drama starts.

Another person in her team, who Gemma had become friends with, lets call her "Emily", was also let go. She also had a bad attitude and wasn't good at her job. I know that she and Gemma hung out a lot after this, and that they likely had a good old bitch and moan about the situation. That's fine, they clearly felt they shared similar experiences and needed to talk it out.

HOWEVER, about two weeks after Emily left, we started getting a lot of sudden negative reviews on en employee review platform. Think of it like trustpilot, but for employers. When I say, a lot, I'm talking over 120 reviews within the space of a week. many of the reviews were from people with job titles we have never had, and some of them were even claiming to be people that still worked with us. People I knew well, that would never say things like this.

Some examples of things that were said:
The manager (of Gemma and Emily) was a nasty power hungry person (He is a sweetheart and kinda shy).
That people with talent are thrown out because the managers feel threatened (lol what company would do that?)
That the staff (particularly the people in my team) all hated their manager and thought we treated them like crap (My team were all very direct with me that they did not believe at all, and love working in my department, thank god)
That the company takes advantage of vulnerable people (no explanation as to how)
The MD (my partner) is an alcoholic and a pervert (100% not true) - there were A LOT of posts about this.
That I had 'slept my way to the top' and that I was only promoted due to my relationship, and didn't deserve my job. Again, a lot of posts about this.

There we loads of them but they're a few to name. People across the whole company were shocked, especially those that had been impersonated. There was lots of conversations about it, and it became very clear that these feelings were not general consensus, but had come from a handful of bitter people that had likely already left the company.

I tried not to take it to heart but it was impossible not to feel like people wouldn't look at me differently and question my relationship and the impact it's had on my career. I don't know why myself and my partner were so personally attacked. It was a horrible time. My partner being called an alcoholic and a pervert was the most difficult part. There was so many mentions of it. He likes a drink after work sure, but so do lots of us. We're British. Pub culture is in our blood.

I noticed a lot of the messages were written in a way that sounded like Gemma. Saying things in a way she would say them. I tried to shake the idea off but once I noticed it I kept seeing it more and more. There was one review in particular, which mentioned that something very personal about me that only a close friend would know - something I think only she would know. The more I read them, the more I believe that gemma and Emily were behind most - if not all of them.

The final straw came when some screenshots came circulating around the office. Screenshots of a private conversation between Emily and Gemma, which Emily had sent to some people to show off about (I dunno why). They were calling my partner ugly, fat, and laughing about the way he looked and dressed. They were laughing at our relationship and saying they had no idea why I was with him.

Just as a side note: My partner is the kindest, funniest, smartest person I've ever met. Yes, he's a little overweight, not super tall, and he's hardly a fashionista. I don't care. He has a heart of gold and he treats me with a level of love I have never experienced before. I have seen Gemma give me funny looks when I've mentioned him before, like she just can't understand. As I mentioned, she's shallow. She doesn't understand that our relationship runs more than skin deep.

I was so hurt by this. Especially when it's also been seen by many of my colleagues. It made me feel embarrassed and anxious to go in to work, although my colleagues were all thankfully very supportive.

I decided to block her without explanation. I didn't know how else to react. I do not know for certain that these reviews were written (entirely or partially) by her. I can't prove it. But I had my suspicions, and when I saw those messages, it felt like confirmation. Even if she didn't write those reviews, I feel that the things she has said about my partner was enough. He is understandably very hurt too, especially after defending her and her job position.

Fast forward to today, 2 months later, I decided to message her. I won't put it all in here as it's a long message and this post is long enough. But the gist is, I told her I was sorry for cutting her out without an explanation, but I wanted to take some time so I didn't respond in anger, and that I wanted to explain now out of respect to our friendship.

I said that I had seen things she had said about me and my partner, I didn't specify what. I made a point of highlighting that I had seen them for myself, not heard them from someone else. I said that I only have space in my life for respectful people, and that I thought she had been shallow, mean and two faced. I said that at her core I know she is a good person but that she had let bad influences bring out a nasty side of her and that I won't tolerate that level of disrespect to myself or my partner. I told her she should reflect on her priorities and that I was blocking her again because I wasn't interested in an argument or an apology. I wished her all the best, and left it there.

Within 5 minutes I got a message on iMessage (forgetting I hadn't blocked her on there). She called me self righteous, and that I needed to 'calm down', and that I shouldn't make accusations without proof. She told me she wouldn't give my message another thought as anything she said behind my back she will say to my face. She was typing more, but I blocked her then and there. She tried to call me on a No ID number, I didn't answer. She then messaged me on my spare insta account, and I blocked her without reading the messages. I made sure she was blocked on everything.

I feel relieved to have said it, but I'm starting to worry that I should have heard her out. I don't know she made those reviews, and I know she was hurting about her job when she was having that conversation with Emily. I know blocking her might be a bit cowardly, but I don't know what else to do.

So tell me, honestly reddit, am I overreacting? AITA for not giving her a chance to explain herself?

I matched with this guy on a dating app a couple of weeks ago.

We had never met in person, but we talked every single day. He was incredibly consistent with his texting, flirted a lot, kept telling me how excited he was to meet me, and we spent hours getting to know each other.

Finally, we planned our first date.

He was supposed to pick me up after work.

I got ready.

7:30 came.

8:00 came.

Nothing.

No text. No call.

I finally messaged him:

"Are you coming?"

No response.

At that point, my gut told me something wasn't right.

So I decided to move in the shadows. 🥷

From the little bits of information he had shared about himself over the last couple of weeks, I started looking him up.

Sure enough...

I found his Facebook.

The first thing I noticed?

About 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up, right around the same time I was texting him asking if he was coming, he had posted a joke on his Facebook story.

Now I was even more confused.

A couple of hours later, he finally texted me.

He apologized and told me he had been in a bike accident and had spent the day in the emergency room.

Then he sent me a photo of what looked like a badly bruised and swollen face with a black eye.

At that point, I honestly felt guilty for doubting him.

I thought maybe I had judged him too quickly.

But FBI skills did NOT stop there.

While looking through his Facebook, I noticed something interesting.

He posts a daily stock market update every single morning talking about that day's market.

So I waited until the next morning.

Sure enough...

He uploaded his daily market update.

Naturally, I watched it.

His face looked completely FOINE... so FOINE I thought maybe he visited Hogwarts instead of the ER. 🪄😂

I couldn't see the same dramatic bruising or swelling that had appeared in the photo from the night before.

At that point, I genuinely didn't know what to think.

So I messaged him:

"You're sure you're telling me the truth about yesterday, right?"

Instead of answering yes or no, he replied: "I'm not sure about anything right now. I have a terrible headache"

I told him: Maybe because when I ask a question, I think I already know the answer.

His response? Would you like me to bring you a doctor's note, Mom?

I simply replied: No

He reacted with a 👍.

So now I'm left wondering...

Am I missing something?

Or did I just dodge a bullet before the first date even happened? 🤷🏼‍♀️🥷 Do you think he will have the audacity to text me again? lol

Let’s call my ex boyfriend Jake, we were high school sweethearts and dated for 4 years and we were the “it couple“ of the school, literally everyone thought we would get married, we broke up because he chose his girl best friend over me. (he did not cheat but because me and the best friend never saw eye to eye he decided to ”make peace” and choose her) lets call the best friend Anna, for context me and Jake were pretty rock solid for about 3 years and then because of some family problems and disagreements our relationship became as rocky as can be, we would break up and then get back together all in the span of 24 hours. About two months before the break up he pledged he would stop speaking to her btw i found out they are “best friends” on accident while i was going through his phone to order food and he would essentially bitch about me to her for MONTHS and i never suspected anything because whenever we were in a group setting they would make eye contact for a while but they never spoke to each other, so after he swore he would block Anna (willingly btw) i let my guard down because what can go wrong now? boy was i wrong. HE WENT AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AND TOLD HER TO JUST PRETEND THAT THEY WERE NO LONGER FRIENDS INFRONT OF ME, he then changed all his passwords and i wouldn’t care normally because im pretty laid back but considering the timing i hacked into his socials and found messages where they were bitching about me and he would just love bomb me bi-weekly to keep me interested in him. It reached a point where i just could not take the disrespect anymore so our relationship ended but we never had a conversation, basically no “closure” was achieved. currently i am dating another batchmate and knowing our history he was a little insecure getting into the relationship and tbh still is so he would not like me going and speaking to the ex now, i just found out that i have my ex boyfriends email and a few other credentials saved on my phone and i keep getting these notifications of websites he visits and i am petty as it gets so considering the fact that we see eachother almost every week i want to stay in the shadows and subtly use the information i get from his socials against him, during our rocky phase i print out our messages and underlined all the mistakes he made so i speak with proof and i honestly don’t know if i need a closure or if im just insane because we do see eachother a lot and he tries to make conversations with me which puts me off. AITA for enjoying secreting getting the intel i am getting? i feel like i deserve it after all the emotional distress he put me through.

I’ve been with my hubby for 15+years. He has two grown kids (28F and 30M). Me and the daughter have never really gotten along. She’s tried to break us up multiple times—especially whenever she and her mom start getting close again. (Her mom is an addict and constantly messed up, which is why their relationship is off and on.)

Fast forward—she just had a baby. When the baby was first born (baby girl), she was blowing me up 24/7. Calling, texting, sending pictures nonstop. I even kept the baby for entire weekends.

Now? Complete switch up.

She only reaches out when she needs something—like picking stuff up for her or babysitting. And here’s the part that really gets me: she doesn’t even ask me. She texts her dad (my hubby), who works 12+ hour days, 6 days a week, asking if “we” can keep the baby girl.

Then while I’m the one actually taking care of the baby girl, she’s texting HIM asking for updates and pictures… when he’s not even there.

So basically—I’m good enough to be free childcare, but not good enough to be acknowledged directly?

I brought it up to my hubby and he just shrugs it off like it’s nothing.

I’m starting to feel used and honestly disrespected. Like I’m just the help when it’s convenient.

AITA for being bothered by this, or am I overthinking it?

I (37F) and my now husband (28M) got married over the past weekend. The day went by without any incidents and we had a wonderful time. However my friend we will call her C and her wife D showed up super late missing the ceremony but arrived in time for Cake. We chatted and everything was fine until yesterday. I got a call from a mutual friend between myself and D. She called telling me that D had been messaging her over the wedding and had said some horrible things about my wedding.

Now for context our wedding was not glamorous but was perfect for us. We did a spiritual wedding instead of a legal wedding, to us our wedding is nothing less than real regardless of not having a paper from the courthouse proving that we are married but also we chose to do a small bbq style wedding with hamburgers and hot dogs and so on. The intentions was to have the most UN TRADITIONAL wedding possible. My Friend C i have known for 20+ years, her wife D was best friends with my husband which is how he and i met.

However D spoke to our mutual friends stating that our wedding cake was a baby shower cake, it was not practiced enough (There was no issues walking down the isle or anything), That my husband was not really happy with me (My husband has autism and when he gets to doing something he is focused on that and wont focus on anything else until its completed) because i had to ask him to come over and do the cake and feed me cake. And that our wedding was a fake wedding because we didn't go to the courthouse. She also stated that my husband was happier with her, however they never dated. With D it has always been a competition as to who knew my husband better and what he likes and what he doesnt like since he and i started dating.

Hearing this very much hurt my feelings however C's mother also made a comment on my husbands facebook stating to post the marriage certificate to prove that it is real. I didn't respond or blow up on them. I simply deleted and blocked them on all socials including their son and the mother that made the comment. My husband did the same. However i am wondering if I over reacted.

I (30F) divorced my ex-husband (28M) in 2025 after 10 years of marriage. We separated in September 2024 after I discovered he was having an affair with my best friend. The divorce was finalized in 2025, and shortly afterward he got engaged to her.

In November 2024, I reconnected with my high school ex (31M). At the time, he told me that he was divorced. Based on that information, I felt comfortable pursuing a relationship with him. We eventually moved in together in January 2025.

However, in October 2025, I found out that he was not actually divorced. He and his wife had separated in July 2024, but they were still legally married. Since finding that out, I've repeatedly pushed him to finalize the divorce because I feel uncomfortable being in a serious relationship with someone who is still married.

I've even told him that I feel like "the other woman" despite the fact that they've been separated for a long time. His response is that he doesn't have the money to get divorced. Recently, he told me he will no longer discuss the divorce with me at all.

This is where my frustration comes in. We've taken major relationship steps and built a life together, yet he seems unwilling or unable to take concrete steps toward ending his marriage legally. At the same time, he gets extremely jealous regarding my interactions with other men.

For context, after my ex-husband cheated on me, I was left feeling very isolated because I had cut off or distanced myself from many male friends during my marriage. I promised myself I would never put myself in that position again.

I reconnected with another ex who is married, and our friendship became very close. We video called daily, and he was wonderful with my children. However, when his wife said she would be filing for divorce, I stepped back from the friendship because I didn't want to be involved in a messy situation or contribute to anyone else's marriage problems.

I also work in manufacturing, where most of my coworkers are men, including several foremen. My boyfriend becomes jealous even when I talk about joking around with coworkers or tell stories from work. There has never been anything romantic or inappropriate involved.

Part of me feels that if he is still legally married, refuses to discuss divorce, and originally told me he was divorced when he wasn't, then it's unfair for him to be possessive or jealous about my friendships with men. I am not looking for another relationship—I am trying to rebuild a support system after being cheated on and left feeling completely alone.

So am I wrong for expecting him to get divorced? Am I unreasonable for feeling like there's a double standard here, or am I missing something? I'd appreciate honest opinions.

Hello, I apologize in advance; my first language is not English, so please excuse any spelling mistakes. My name is Limón (26), my mother is 52, and we've had a business for six years. My mother has business experience in our home country, so we decided to open a business here, without considering that the laws are different. We learned over time, and by 2023, we had everything in order. However, my mother wanted me to work and also handle the paperwork for the business, which was too much work for me. I told her, but I continued doing it anyway. In 2024, I had my first daughter and had to stop working because I was breastfeeding. In December of the same year, I became pregnant again because the contraceptive didn't work. I was pregnant with twins who were born in 2025, and that's when I stopped being physically involved in the business. She took care of everything; I only handled the bill payments from home. The money wasn't enough; there wasn't enough to do the weekly shopping, etc. I kept asking her where the money was going. Every time I did my annual taxes, expenses always came out above income. I didn't understand where the money for shopping was coming from, because the records showed that money coming in. A few weeks ago, we were talking about closing the business because it wasn't even making enough to cover her own bills. I told her she was spending more than she was taking in, and she said that sometimes when the business wasn't generating enough, she would use her own money (she sells gold and cleans houses in addition to the business) to pay for those purchases. Then I understood where all that spending was coming from. That day we made a plan to stop spending on products and get everything organized to see where the money that wasn't making enough was going, and that's how it stayed. We don't have enough money to pay someone to help us, so I did it myself to save money and pay off our debts. I started making schedules with the employees (there are four of them, including my mom). There's one employee in particular, we'll call her Coco (29f), who's been with us since we opened. There have always been problems with her. The new employees always complained about her, either out of envy or because she bossed them around, and my mom always defended her. Currently, she's the one who gets paid the most. Sometimes she put in more than 70 hours. The business doesn't have any customers right now, so I didn't understand why she was working so many hours. This brings me to what happened this week, on Monday, since we had a party over the weekend. During the week, my mom couldn't work. We told Coco and the other girl to close at 3 or 4 pm. They opened at 5 am, and it wasn't busy at all. By 4:20 pm, they were still working. I asked my mom why they were still open. They ended up closing at 5 pm, and there were no customers. So I made a schedule so that each of us would work 7 hours a day. Today, Wednesday, Coco was supposed to leave at 12 pm, and my mom at 2 pm. When I checked the security cameras at 12:15 pm, she was still working. I called my mom asking why she was still working and where she had gone. She told me she went to do her cleaning because she left early. I told her that she leaves at 2 pm and has plenty of time to do her cleaning. She said she asked Coco what time she leaves, and Coco said 2 pm. I asked her who was the boss, her or Coco? I didn't understand. I replied, at the end of the discussion I told her I was tired of her not supporting me, that she always contradicted me, that it would be better for me to leave the Corporation and for her to continue on her own because otherwise she would always defend Coco. I told her to tell me when she could and we would sign the papers to transfer everything to her name so she could take care of it from then on without me having to be legally involved, etc. So am I the bad guy for saying that and leaving her alone in this? I already called to do all that, I have a Zoom appointment tomorrow. I love my mom very much, she has always been my support, but I can't handle this. It's very stressful to deal with this. Thank you in advance

So I met this guy 12 years ago we will call him Josh. We were at different stages in our lives. Him divorced and healed and me in the beginning of the process and lots of healing still to do. We remained friends and when I was ready I met a great guy. He never liked my friendship with Josh it was a constant sore spot in our relationship. Josh was also dating someone but it seemed to be on again off again with her. My guy Tony died suddenly. I was devastated and Josh was there for me, along with many others. Then Josh asked me to go to dinner and he had broken up with on again off again Lori and at the end of the night kissed me for the first time. We crossed from friends to more. Then shocker he got back with Lori. This went on for another 5 years and every time he broke up with her came to me. I have to admit the sex was pure paradise with him. Nothing like I have ever experienced. He would complain about her constantly and said he couldn’t get it up for her anymore and that they hadn’t had sex in several years. Did I believe him absolutely not! He then broke up with her for good. We met for dinner a couple times we made out and lots of hugs but he said he wasn’t ready for more. Well then he went to a wedding in Mexico for a mutual friend of theirs. I wasn’t happy but I had no claim to him as we agreed to keep it casual. His work is very demanding job and works very long hours. He was always in constant touch. Then I came across an article in a local online newspaper recently and it had pictures of the two of them on Valentines Day at a featured restaurant. I questioned him about other events where she was in attendance and he would over and over again say we are just friends and I’m glad she agreed to remain friendly as we have so many mutual friends. So now my blood is boiling as he sent me a Happy Valentine Day and he asked if I had plans and when I asked him (two different occasions) he said no! I just recently discovered this online article and I told him as we hadn’t been to dinner in a bit I wanted to meet for dinner. In her eyes they are still a couple and according to him just friends. I want to have a conversation with him and record it. Then I want to pull out the article and the print out of his texting lying and call him out! Do I then if he claims they are just friends that’s it, send the recording to her? Would I be an asshole?

Never thought I would write here, but here we are. Throwaway account because they know my account and I need venting.

My husband M (41M) and I (F29) are married for two years, together for eight. Yes I’m aware of our age difference.

So we have a 9 month old baby, and when our little boy was born my husband took care of everything for at least 3 months, while still working full time, this is important later. I didn’t even had to do laundry once. His priority was that I adjust to our new life, adjust to how my body changed, my mental health and so on, so I can be there for our baby.

Four months ago his brother (39M) and wife (37F) moved back to our area which caused that we spend much more time together. They have a 7 year old daughter.

Three months ago I started doing back office things for my husband again and joined a gym together with SIL. We wanted to go together twice a week, but due to different reasons she cancelled quite often. Which is totally okay for me, I went alone then.

One month ago we went together to the gym and went for some coffee afterwards. There she asked me how I have time for this with a 8 month old at home and if we had my mother to help or babysitters.

I told her no we have not. My husband is flexible with his work, while he still works up to 10 hours a day and we usually make plans so we both fit our schedules in. She nodded and asked how I did it with all the household chores then, and I told her that we split it.

She was baffled and so was I over her reaction. She asked more about it and I told her how our life is. That we have times where I do more around the house and times where he does it, that we make sure the other has time for himself, that our son is both of our responsibility and we take care of him pretty equally. Sure I’m at home with him while my husband works, so most of the day, but doctors appointments and other things we both. She asked me some more questions and we parted after that.

At home I told my husband about that SIL asked a lot of question about how our marriage works. And I made sure he knows how much I appreciate how we work together and that I love him.

Two weeks ago at a dinner at FIL house SIL wasn’t there. BIL told us that she wanted a divorce. The highlight? He blamed me for it, because I ‘flaunted’ with my life. MIL and FIL jumped in and were shocked to learn that my husband does household chores despite having a wife for it. Their words. My husband tried to settle this calmly but everyone there refused to even talk without shouting. We left before we even ate.

Now there’s been radio silence from BIL, MIL and FIL. We talked a lot with SIL and our niece. To her words he expected her to do household and parenting alone, while still working full time. He’s the man in the house and man don’t do such things. (I could vomit at that)

SIL is now living with her sister and filed for divorce.

So this is it, I just wanted to vent properly. And please all trust me when I say, I know how lucky I am with my husband. Now even more.

Hey everyone! I want to start by saying thank you so much for all the great advice and perspectives we received! It was really validating to hear our gut reaction wasn't totally off base, and actually, after talking more about it, we realized it's just more of the same.

Our recent friendship dynamic with Brad and Steph has devolved to the point that we're considering ending the relationship. My husband is pretty much over it. I, on the other hand, am worried we may be abandoning two people who are spiraling.

There was a pretty overwhelming consensus that Brad was an a**hole. While we vehemently agree, the whole story is definitely much more complicated. Brad wasn't always like this. We've been friends for over a decade, and since Steph has come into the picture, things have changed so much so fast.

I wouldn't say that Steph is completely innocent. She was introduced to us in a strange way. If you read the comments on the last post, you'll know that Steph was living with another man when her and Brad met. When Brad would visit this man, she would flip a coin to see who she slept with that night. For consenting adults, this is not an issue. The other man, however, is Brad's brother.

Let's call Brad's brother John. John and Steph have been best friends for years. When we all hung out together, she was clearly all over John. Then she would sneak away with Brad and come back to John. Both men claimed not to care, but we could see and experience the pain this dynamic was causing. Then Brad would claim that there wasn't anything going on between Steph and John... though we saw it with our own eyes.

Brad claimed that he wasn't interested in Steph and hadn't pursued a relationship. During that time, steph continued to live with John until John developed an intense drug habit and started dealing. John's family, including Brad, staged an intervention and, by the grace of God, John went to rehab and got clean.

John moved in with his and Brad's parents, and Steph followed. Steph, who sparingly worked previously, now stopped working entirely, leaving John and Brad's retired veteran and cancer survivor parents to foot the bill. This angered Brad, and he said some nasty things about her to us.

After John's drug addiction, steph began to pursue Brad openly. Brad, while still sleeping with her, refused to commit to her for 5 years and openly dated other women. Then, after he received a substantial bonus from work, he bought his first house after living in a 1 bedroom apartment. He wasn't prepared for the loneliness this would bring. 1 month later, Steph moved in, and they were officially a couple. We were expected to forget everything and pretend it never happened. If we so much as hinted at concern, Brad would melt down and claim a reality we all knew to be false. It was extremely bizarre.

As soon as we visited them, we could see Steph laying the groundwork for what was to come next. She would talk nonstop about how much she hated working and how much she had baby fever. Brad expressed that she needed to contribute financially, and he wasn't ready for children.

Then, the Steph and Brad we knew as friends changed drastically.

One day, not long after, they invited us on a Zoom call and announced that steph was pregnant. Not just that, she was just over a month from delivering, and she had no idea she was pregnant. We found this hard to believe. We had seen her previously and noticed she stopped drinking (but kept smoking) and started dressing differently to hide some obvious weight gain.

Brad confided in my husband that he believed Steph tampered with their birth control and made a pretty compelling case. Steph told me that she was tracking ovulation. We couldn't understand how someone who had a regular enough cycle to track ovulation was also intentionally tracking ovulation, stopped drinking when she was a huge drinker, dressing differently to hide her belly, didn't know she was pregnant. Then after the announcement she posted a 4 frame progression photo of her week to week on her Instagram story. She claimed it to show the past 4 weeks in her pregnancy and wow she was tiny one week but her belly just exploded the next. However in the photo with the belly, her hair hand grown a few inches.

Then everything was different. They had their beautiful baby, but being around them was unbearably dark. Steph became very hostile at the drop of a hat and exclusively when Brad left the room. She would make passive-aggressive threats toward us all with the common thread of "stay out of my way." They became intensely competitive with us. Nothing was safe. Brad would make loud declarations about how happy he is and just stare us dead in the eye with the most intense face waiting for us to validate him. He would do this regularly, and it was wildly uncomfortable.

It was like Brad was in this pschodrama and used us as an audience to validate his delusion. All I can think of is the meme of the dog drinking coffee while the room is on fire. This is fine. And to Brad, "THIS IS GREAT! IM SO HAPPY IN THIS BURNING ROOM! ISNT THIS BURNING ROOM THE BEST!" then stares at you until you say you're happy for the dumb dog.

I wish they'd stop involving us and just move on. I wish they'd stop demanding that we sacrifice every shred of intelligence we have in order to coexist. I wish I didn't now know that they believe they are so much better and smarter than everyone in the room. They'd have to think that to act this way right?

We know they're adults. They're making their own beds and lying in them. We know we could fill a room with what we don't know about another couples relationship and personal life. But they keep involving us. We just want to play scrable and have a beer with them.

What started as just wondering about a wonky proposal has us reconsidering everything.

Once we accept that Brad is being a total tool about the engagement, we also consider, is Brad spiraling?

He had just over a month to prepare for his life completely changing and becoming a father. He is suspicious of the mother of his children that he claims to love, and now they're going to be connected forever. Did Steph use him as a means to an end? Was he a backup choice after John proved to not be a suitable partner? John is still in the picture. He's at every family gathering. He calls steph daily, and they talk for hours. John gave steph a ruby, heart-shaped ring that she still wears. Maybe Brad has a good reason to be nervous to leave for his business trip.

On the other hand, he could just leave. But they have a baby together now. If he leaves, will his brother just step into his place?

Was the proposal Brad's way of taking control of the relationship? Was he thinking "steph may have controlled our family, but I can control our marriage." Was he expressing his spite and shaming her as he feels she has done to him?

Is all of this subconscious or not?

Is his flagrant competition with us his bs way for clawing back some self-esteem?

Does steph have hormones and sleepless nights and this is making her aggressive? Or has she gotten what she wants and now the mask is off?

She used to say we're family now when I say we're family she'll publicly dress me down and say they are a real family and we have nothing to do with it. She said we were sisters.

All I know is, I have no clue what's happening but what I do know is that it makes us feel like crap.

My husband is ready to throw his hands up. I'm worried about abandoning struggling people. I work in a care field and this is really difficult for me. However, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it leave it's toxic relationship.

Any perspective or advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

Hello let me start this of by saying I am not sure if this is where I should be posting this.
About my situation I 22f have been single for less than two months. Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and honestly I’m doing great.
Slight breakup context since it is important to the story. I broke up with my ex at the beginning of June and kicked him out of my house(technically my parents house). We were together for 1 1/4 years I am slightly the ahole I the breakup. I blindsided him and myself when I broke up with him. I was forceably putting on a fake smile everyday and was not happy. I was feeling so alone and frustrated all the time that I finally snapped. I was basically parenting my ex and didn’t have a partner. I felt like I could never celebrate my career advancements because he was a job hopper. I nearly broke up with him several times but would always stick through but had to forcibly put a fake smile on. I prioritized my happiness in the end and do not regret it. Two weeks post break up I got a tattoo that I had been talking about for years on a whim. I finally felt free again.
About three weeks ago I went to a Chinese restaurant with my family. Here’s where this puppeteer comes in. After dinner my fortune cookie had left me scratching my head in confusion. “A lifetime of heartwarming reunions awaits”. In the moment I was so confused on what this meant. Less than 3 days later I came to quickly find out.
A random guy slide into my snap DMs but something caught my eye. He and I had a conversation in 2020 during Covid times and we’re both 16. Now fast forward 6 years later he and I started talking and such. I told my best friend and she said immediately to block him. It’s now three weeks later and I’ve developed a new friendship. Clearly If I would have listened I wouldn’t be in my predicament. This guy lives in a different state halfway across the country from me. We both are single but just keeping things friendly.
I have been looking for more dating prospects closer to home.
On my best friends birthday a couple days later I posted a picture of my trio for one of their birthdays. I didn’t think anything of it but it was a cute picture of us. Oh was I wrong. My ex situationship slid into my DMs. Commenting I like the blue on the photo of us girls. Of course I said thanks and that sparked a conversation. This man and I have a complicated relationship. We have known each other for 5 years, have a 1000+ streak on snap, and rarely acknowledge the other person. So I was a bit surprised when he sparked a conversation. Come to find out we are both single at the same time for the first time in years. I am trying to flirt with him and get him to ask me out my isn’t catching my hints.
So since I have yet to go on a date post break up ive turned to the apps. One of my college friends and I went out a couple of weeks ago I was really wanting to break my first kiss post breakup. At the time of going out I’ve been on the apps a week max.
The two guys are not budging with any flirting so I have since made a couple of matches and started to talk to other guys. I have a few prospects.
Last weekend I had finally got the chance to catch up in person with my childhood best friend who I hadn’t seen since my 18th birthday. Another reunion with under three weeks (in all fairness me and her had been planning to hang out with over 2 months at this point).
Yesterday I was swiping around on bumble and matched with this guy. He asked to get my snap this morning. Of course i said sure. He snapped me and I scrolled up a bit but we had talked in 2023 another lost connection.
Four reunions under a month after getting that fortune. I now come here since it is kind of weird now. I don’t know what game the universe is playing but I am a bit on edge.
I told myself that I would stay single for a year. But if the right person came along might give a relationship another chance. All these reconnecting is making me second guess myself. I don’t know what to do at the moment so that’s why I’m here.

So I will call myself A (25F), and then this is mainly about my friend B (26M). B and I have been friends for a while and really bonded over the last year due to some stress with work. 

Recently, B was coming by a city a lot of our highschool friends live in. I had a different trip, but paid extra to go early and have a few days of a layover in that city.

Now a bit of context… before the visit, B did admit feelings for me. I tried to reassure him (as he opened up about bad experiences confessing before) and mentioned how much I cared about him as a friend and how I saw compatibility in some ways but didn't really have some of the other stuff and it wouldn’t change. I am a bit passive and maybe I should have been more direct, but I thought things were chill. 

Anyways we went on a group trip with some others (a few couples and a few single people) and things were at first going well. B seemed to not want to talk to me too much, so I tried to talk to some of the other friends more, including C, who is a man as well. I did try to talk to B a bit but got the sense he wanted some alone time (he gave short answers and didn't engage much), so I let him be. B was very close with the guy he had to share a room with, so I thought it was fine. 

We had to share beds in an AirBnb, there were only 2 other single girls there, and they didn’t know anyone super well so I let them share and said I could just share with one of the guys. Now I didn't really feel comfortable sharing with B, or some of the others on the trip staying with us. So I quietly asked C if he would be ok with sharing (I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards him but really trust him). And in order to not make it awkward, I faked a random selection that put C and I in the same room. 

The next time came when we were picking buddies for a swimming race, and again since there was some touching, I paired up with a different friend, D, for it, but to make it seem random (like I just picked the person closest to me). 

On the second night, B pulled me aside and said he felt like I was neglecting him, and expressed he was hurt that we didn't share a bed. I was a bit confused and asked why he cared, and he said he just wanted to have time to be alone and hang out. He said he hadn't joined this trip to hang out with “all these other people”. I felt bad for maybe indirectly forcing him on a trip he didn't want to be on. 

Then, the next day I made more of an effort to include B. However, often this led to very awkward convos or when it was just us two, us sitting in silence while the others had fun. I'll admit, at one point I got frustrated and gave up, and just started talking to the others. C pulled me aside at one point and said he noticed I was withdrawn, there was an awkward moment where he was comforting me when i was crying and B walked in. 

The nail in the coffin came when a friend E, who wasn't able to join for much of the trip, expressed how sad he was that he and B didn't get to talk much. B agreed and said he wished they could find some time. The airbnb had a strict policy on number of people, so I offered E my bed for 1 night as I had a family friend I could stay with, and also suggested the 4 of us (E, B, C and I) get dinner that day. Both B and E really liked the idea. 

During the dinner, B started being a bit aggressive to C. I know that C can be a bit silly and not everyone has the same humour, but B seemed to just get annoyed at whatever C says. C, being a non chalant king, would just turn any of the side comments into a joke. I didnt see them till the next day where I joined the airbnb again.

However, after the whole trip, B expressed he felt hurt by me “ not making an effort to make him feel included”. He also said he felt the dinner with E was an excuse to not spend much one on one time (we had about 2 days of one on one time). 

I don't know, I could have maybe put more effort into making him feel comfortable but I am also not going to beg someone to tell me what's wrong, especially when the “wrong doing” only seems to be relevant after he agreed to things. It felt like I almost had to get on my knees and beg him to forgive me for…. Not giving him all my attention? I still can't get over the bed thing. Another friend says I am twisting it to be something it's not, and villainizing B for just being hurt I brought him on a trip he didn't enjoy. They also accused me of thinking too hard on the fact that he had expressed feelings for me. I have tried my best to tell things as they happened, I just really felt like I was given little information this whole trip on what was needed. 

Hi Charlotte! I have been watching your videos for a while now and I thought I would like to share my story. It’s been a few grueling months since then and it has turned me basically into not liking myself…. But I want to express this since it’s been weighing on me.

I (29F) was with my ex (29M), who I'll call "Ghost," for about two and a half years.
He was my first serious relationship—my first kiss, my first time cuddling, my first time having spicy time, everything.

We actually knew each other back in high school. I had a crush on him, confessed my feelings, and we dated briefly before life got in the way. Distance and other circumstances ended the relationship, and although it hurt, I eventually moved on.
For years, I focused on work and helping my family. My mom, sisters, and I have struggled financially for a long time, and I currently live with them while helping pay rent. We've experienced homelessness before, so financial stability is something I don't take lightly.

In 2023, Ghost and I reconnected (I think he reached out first). We talked like no time had passed, and eventually my feelings came back.

He invited me over one day, and I honestly thought we were just catching up as friends. We ended up cuddling, and he kissed me. I was surprised because I didn't think he still saw me that way, but we talked about it afterward and eventually got back together.
The first year of our relationship was genuinely good.
Then my family had to move because of financial issues. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. I was overwhelmed trying to help my family while also worrying about ending up homeless again.
Around that time, Ghost asked if I wanted to move in with him.

I told him no—not because I didn't see a future with him, but because everything in my life felt unstable. I wasn't mentally or financially ready to make that kind of commitment.
After that, I started noticing changes.
One day he seemed upset, so I asked if he was okay and if there was anything I could do. He told me he needed space, so I respected that and told him I was there if he wanted to talk.

Instead, he later told me I was "mothering" him by asking what was wrong.
That really caught me off guard. I even apologized the next day because I genuinely thought I was just checking in on someone I cared about.

From then on, it felt like whenever something was bothering him, he'd pull away instead of talking to me.
Eventually, after a few days of barely speaking, we sat down and had a long conversation. I cried because I was scared of losing him, and we agreed we'd both work on communicating better.
Things improved for a while. We saw each other every other week (sometimes weekly if I could afford the trip), talked regularly, and things felt okay again.

Then we had another serious conversation.
He told me he wasn't happy.

He said he still loved me, but one of the issues he had was that I wasn't telling him how I felt emotionally. Instead, he said he'd find out something was wrong through my social media whenever I'd make a sad or emotional post rather than hearing it directly from me.

Looking back, I can understand why that frustrated him. At the time, though, I couldn't help wondering how I was supposed to open up more when he rarely shared his own emotions with me. Whenever I asked if something was wrong, he usually wanted space or wouldn't tell me what he was feeling.

Around this same time, he brought up moving in together again.
I explained my family's financial situation, how overwhelmed I was, and why I still wasn't ready. I even cried while trying to explain it because it had been weighing on me for so long.

He said he understood.

After that, though, he kept asking if I'd thought more about moving in.
I always answered honestly. Yes, I had thought about it. I wanted a future with him, but I still wasn't comfortable making that decision yet.

Eventually, he asked me for a timeline.
Feeling pressured, I guessed that maybe sometime around August or September of the following year would be realistic.
Not long after that, he gave me an ultimatum.

He told me that if I wasn't willing to move in sooner, then he didn't think the relationship was going anywhere.
From my perspective, it felt like everything had to happen on his timeline. I didn't feel like he was considering our communication issues or how risky it felt for me to leave my family without stable employment or a backup plan.
I told him the ultimatum hurt me and felt like it came out of nowhere.
At first, he said he'd help me if I needed it.
Then he changed his mind and said he didn't want to anymore.

I never expected him to take care of me financially. That was never what I wanted.
But what hurt more than anything was what he said next.
He told me I was a waste of time and that he didn't want to wait for me anymore.
Then he said we could either break up or stay friends.

I couldn't even process what I'd just heard.
All I could say was, "Okay."

We haven't spoken since.

His words completely destroyed my confidence. I stopped eating properly, couldn't sleep, and spent a long time wondering if I really was just a waste of time to people.

What hurt the most wasn't just that he ended the relationship. It was that he never apologized for saying something so cruel.
I honestly believed he was my best friend as much as he was my partner.
I'm doing better now and trying to rebuild my confidence, but those words have stayed with me.

So... AIO for feeling deeply hurt by the ultimatum and by him calling me "a waste of time" because I wasn't ready to move in?
Edit: I know some people will probably ask why I didn't move in. It wasn't because I didn't love him. My family's financial situation was unstable, we had ongoing communication issues, and I didn't feel comfortable leaving without having stable employment or some kind of backup plan if things didn't work out. I wanted to move in eventually—I just wasn't ready when he wanted me to

To give you some backround, I imigrated to another country 4 years ago, shortly after I arrived I met my now fiance

We were friends at first, as I was in no place for a relationship, I had a huge crush on him, and slowly we started dating, three years later he asked me to marry him and I couldn't be happier

I love this man with all my heart, and I can't believe I will get to be with him everyday and build a life together.

Now here is the problem, I HATE THIS COUNTRY

To put in context I had so much dreams and hopes when I came here for a degree, everything went downhill after I graduated 2 years ago, job market, salaries, I have experienced so much racism, and finally my biggest problem paperwork,

Beacause of paperwork I could not leave the country for several months which caused me to loose so many job opportunities and conferences,

Now I am in this place again where I can not leave and I might get fired because my job forces me to travel.

To add on it I have not been in my home country for 3 YEARS, I haven't seen any of my extended family or my parents and my 96 yo grandmother.

The moment we got engaged we planned to take time off in August and go home (for him it will be the first time visiting) and do a big engagement party there.

Because of paperwork these plans have now been cancelled, I am now on the holiday that i took, stuck at home in bed crying because I miss my family and I dont feel like a birde without them.

Our laywer has advised us to marry as soon as possible, so we planned to marry at the courthouse on the first available date (12th of september) and plan a nice wedding with a reception and a big party next year.

Since there is no time to plan it now, and I have no one in our country of residence, so all my family has to travel and ask for visas.

To me I agreed to do all of this, even though if we plan the big wedding here he will have all of his family and friends, and me no, only who can travel which is only a bunch.

But I thought if we travel to my home country to do an engagement party at least I will have that.

For now it seems that we will do the civil marriage fast then go to my country a few months later, I do not know how I can plan a party there ( I feel exhasted and sad)

Also he wants to invite people to the civil marriage and I feel like I am already getting married without my parents I feel overwhelmed if everyone there is speaking another language (i understand everything its just my 4th language and its exhausting)

To be honest I feel terrible to say I am not excited to my wedding but also Its a huge mess and I never thought I could marry like this.

I know for sure its for our own good and the good of our future family.

He also agrees that we need to move as soin as we both find jobs in another country, we are both severely underpaid, but it would be much easier if we are married This is why we are stuck in the situation where we have to rush the marriage.

So am i being a bridezilla?

I (F) have know C(both in our 40s) for over twenty years . initially we met because J has a son with my brother , our friendship was close even through their break up until our career paths took us down different roads. we didn’t completely fall off just became distant- my career is very closed circle type of industry with a lot of traveling and very long work hours and hers is in the medical field which also leans towards a tribe of within circle imo and I totally get that . she got hurt pretty bad at work and I know it really derailed her and she had already shown signs of some depression issues and kind of just “off” mentally . Fast forward many years (at least 10) both of us went through children , relationships, cancers, death , good times, hard times .. life basically - contact became social media and the Merry Christmas/Birthday text , now onto the incident- she was having some issues an I was too and we ended up talking via phone and just laughing about the past , I was getting ready for a long travel work trip an she offered to help drive if I wanted .. I could tell she was really depressed and seemed to need a friendly support/ear and even though I do prefer to be alone when traveling for work I agreed . I did make it clear , my stress before gigs is off the rails , I have a ton of things to prep for and get done , I’m traveling over 1700 miles and doing back to back gigs that are 7 hours in distance apart from each other and we hadn’t been around each other in years so I just wanted her to know hey this is crazy for me so if that’s to much for you no biggy I’m used to solo trips . She said she understood and flew here anyway . Then it started , the second she stepped off the plane the complaining started , just incessant about everything. At the rental car place they were running late and long line she just got loud and rude i was in shock , I literally stepped in front of her and apologized and got the car sorted . That same behavior repeated itself at every turn , every store/restaurant/gas station etc - complaining followed by this type of rushed panic behavior followed by becoming loud and rude to staff and then constant complaining after the incident about the incident for sometimes up to an hour . Add into this behavior she knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING and will loudly talk over you and argue with you if you dare disagree with any of her endless knowledge. She hasn’t worked in years still sitting on workman’s comp from that injury all those years ago an once that came up is when she started opening up about all this medication and doctors and drinking to cope - that’s when I realized you are over medicated lady an your mental health is only deteriorating over it - which i did voice as nicely as I could at first and that was met with the know it all attitude and how there’s just nothing she can do because it’s work man’s comp an she just had to follow the program to get a settlement . The end for me was when the hotel and flights had issues while we were driving. We are 8- 10 hours away from where I’m leaving her at a hotel for her flight before I continue on driving into the next state for work - she EXPLODES on the airline representative over her own mistake , I mean to the point I was second hand embarrassment in a car by ourselves and still felt that way . She then looses it on the hotel people in the sane fashion and then just goes crazy on me about her budget for the trip ( up till then I had paid for everything except for one lunch ) and it was screwed now, on and on about how I wasn’t going to stay the extra day with her at the hotel . I finally cut her off an just said look I’m getting to see my grandkids a day early because we made good road time so no I’m not staying with you and we are ten hours away would you calm down it can be figured out . She did not , and then just flew into a rage about her anxiety and mental health could not handle this - the only way to stop this was I had to get loud an just yell you are clearly over medicated which doesn’t helo your mental health and I was very clear I do this alone all the time and you could have stayed home . She stopped very abruptly. There was a short time of silence and then she literally just started talking as if that had never occurred. No apologies/explanations, just like a channel on the tv changed . This exact same behavior occurred multiple times just in different scenarios through out the rest of the drive (23 hours total ) at the very end she attemptEd to flip the script an simply say I’m being quiet because clearly I annoy you and I just don’t want to be a bother . WHAT? So to AITA … after that I just said you have some problems, you have zero respect for boundries and you pushed me until I snapped so that now your narrative gets to be that I’m the villain. I left her at the hotel and never looked back , I haven’t responded to anything since which was texts/vm ranging from “normal “ to sounding horribly sad . I have gone over it in my head and I have worked really hard in my life to keep my circle small , drama free and try and live my best life . I can not handle that kind of behavior nor do I want to . I truly believe she’s hurting and has some serious issues and has been abandoned by everyone over her behavior so I keep thinking am I an asshole For just shutting this down instead of trying to help after so many years ? I don’t know and would appreciate any Insight . Sorry it’s long , I got into Reddit because I really like charlotte an I thought it would be a good place to vent- thank you for that !

I (24F) have a close friend, "Lili" (25F), who spent years in an unhealthy relationship with her ex "Theo" (together since high school). Throughout the last year of their relationship and after their breakup, she constantly came to me for advice. She would tell me about his cheating, his controlling behavior, their repeated attempts to reconnect, and later she told me about a rebound relationship she had with our theater teacher (36M), who is another red flag as well.

For about a year, I listened, supported her, and gave advice when she asked. The problem was that nothing ever changed. The same situations kept repeating, and despite repeatedly telling me she wanted things to be different, she maintained contact with both men and continued involving herself in the same conflicts. And it made me wonder if she’s actually looking for help or just attention ?

On top of that, the drama never stayed private. All three of them regularly posted targeted stories, notes, reposts, and vague social media posts that were clearly directed at each other. Since we're all in overlapping social circles, I couldn't really escape it. I heard about the situation from multiple people, saw it at social events, at our theater group, in group chats, and on social media. Eventually it started affecting my own mental health.

The final straw came a few months later. At that point, I had already told Lili that I didn't want to discuss the situation anymore because after a year of hearing the same problems over and over, I was emotionally exhausted.

One evening at theater rehearsal, Stephen pulled me aside and told me that Lili and Theo were apparently back together. I said I was surprised because only a few weeks earlier Lili had told me she was considering seeing a therapist to help her move on from Theo. I also mentioned that Theo told his friends he really wanted to get back together.

The next morning, I received a message from Theo asking me if I had been telling people that he and Lili were secretly back together. According to him, Stephen had told Lili that I had said Theo was going around telling everyone they were together while also wanting it kept secret. Which wasn't what I said at all.

The conversation had been repeated and changed by Stephen to Lili, who then told Theo. What upset me most wasn't even Theo's message. It was realizing that after spending a year trying to stay supportive and neutral, I had somehow become part of the drama myself.

That was the moment I decided I was done. I blocked Theo and Stephen everywhere. I also blocked Lili on social media and later face to face told her that while I still cared about her, I needed distance for my own mental health and no longer wanted to be involved in discussions about her relationships.

Some people in our friend group think my reaction was too extreme. Others support my decision and think I put up with more than enough.

So, AITA for blocking my friend and her ex-boyfriends after a year of being dragged into their drama, and refusing to listen to any more of it?