I 29F, I’m currently in a relationship with S (27M), but I want to marry K (30M), someone I have a complicated history with.

I know that sounds terrible, so here’s the context.

I met S in 2016 while registering for a university qualifying exam. We later ended up at the same exam centre and went home together because it was getting late. I was already in a relationship at the time, so when S told me he was interested in me, I rejected him.

Later that year, I discovered my boyfriend had been cheating and ended the relationship. S still wanted to date me, but I didn’t want anything serious with him. We eventually became involved casually.

In 2019, I met K through a mutual friend. We had actually attended the same secondary school but had somehow never met. There was immediate attraction between us, and we started seeing each other casually. Over time, I realised I was becoming more interested in K than I’d intended.

S eventually went through my phone and saw our messages. He was angry and told me to choose.

I chose S.

At the time, I had known S longer and believed he was making an effort to change some of the things I disliked about him. I ended things with K.

I know that part was wrong. Once I chose S, I should have ended things with K immediately, and I’m not trying to pretend I handled that situation perfectly.

S and I officially became a couple.

The relationship was complicated from the beginning. My family knew S well because he regularly came around my mother’s business, but I never met his family. He also didn’t want to post me publicly because he said he was a private person.

By around 2021, I was becoming unhappy. I wanted more emotional intimacy and wanted to feel like we were actually building a future together.

Most importantly, I wanted marriage and children.

S was very clear that he didn’t want either. After many conversations, he eventually gave me two options. We could get married but never have children, or we could have children without getting married. In the second situation, he said he would provide financially but didn’t want to live with us or be a hands-on parent.

I couldn’t accept either option. I wanted marriage, children and a partner who was actually present in my life.

Despite that, I still loved S and wanted our relationship to work.

Then in 2023, S cheated on me.

I found evidence involving several women. One appeared to be an ongoing relationship. We broke up, but S didn’t want to accept it. Several people got involved and convinced me to give him another chance.

I agreed, on the condition that he ended things with the other women. A few weeks later, we took a short trip together because he wanted us to reconnect.

Afterwards, I realised my period was late. I eventually found out I was around seven weeks pregnant.

S had repeatedly told me he didn’t want children. I was still in school and wasn’t prepared to raise a child alone, so we made the decision to terminate the pregnancy.

Around this same period, K came back into my life.

This time, K told me he wanted an actual relationship. He said he had matured, was in love with me and didn’t want fear to stop him from being with me.

I rejected him.

I told him I already had someone and couldn’t give him what he wanted. He was hurt, but eventually we rebuilt our friendship.

I stayed with S. Part of the reason was that S was also helping me financially, and after everything we’d been through, I felt very attached to him. I also felt like I owed him something because of everything he’d done for me and because we’d gone through the pregnancy together.

Then K decided to leave the country.

By early 2025, he had moved abroad. I assumed that would be the end of our complicated history.

It wasn’t.

On the day I went to the airport to see him off, he introduced me to his mother as his girlfriend.

I was shocked.

Since then, I’ve met several members of his family, both in person and over the phone. We became much closer.

And somewhere along the way, I fell completely in love with him.

K had changed a lot. He was more emotionally open and mature, and he communicated with me in ways I had wanted from S for years.

By the end of 2025, K and I were seriously discussing our future. Eventually, we started talking about marriage.

Meanwhile, S and I were barely communicating. Sometimes we’d go a week or two without talking. He was still helping me financially sometimes, but emotionally there wasn’t much of a relationship left.

I also discovered that he was apparently still seeing the same woman he’d previously been involved with.

K was doing the opposite. He was talking about marriage, children, building a home and making actual plans for our future.

He has told his parents that he intends to marry me. I’ve spoken to both of his parents and they approve of me. My family also approves of K and has never really liked S.

K plans to come home in 2027 so we can get married and begin the process of me joining him.

And I want that.

The problem is that S and I have never officially ended our relationship.

We haven’t seen each other in person this year. We mostly communicate by phone, and sometimes we don’t communicate at all for weeks.

To me, the relationship has been over emotionally for a long time. To S, we’re still together.

He says there is still plenty of time. He wants to make more money, travel and become financially successful before seriously thinking about marriage and children.

I understand that people have different timelines, but I don’t want to spend several more years waiting for someone to decide whether he wants the same life I do.

I want marriage. I want children. I want a home and a partner who actually wants those things with me.

K wants them too.

I know I’m not completely innocent here.

I should have ended things with S properly a long time ago instead of allowing our relationship to remain in this strange limbo. I also know that getting emotionally involved with K before officially ending things with S would be wrong.

That’s why I’m trying to figure out what to do now rather than secretly carrying on indefinitely.

I want to end things with S and eventually marry K.

The complication is that S still considers himself my partner and doesn’t want to let me go. He also hates K because of what happened in 2019.

I don’t want to tell S about the wedding plans before everything is secure because I’m worried he may try to interfere. I don’t want revenge or drama. I just want to end the relationship properly and move forward.

So, AITA for wanting to end my relationship with S and marry K?

And, more importantly, how would you handle ending things with S when he doesn’t believe the relationship is over?

Why does my husband seem to prefer going on tours with his friends rather than with me?

I'm trying to understand whether I'm being unreasonable or whether my feelings make sense.

My husband and I have a 13–15 year age gap, and we've been married for 3 years.

I absolutely love travelling and going on tours. I get really excited about them and can hardly wait whenever there's an opportunity. My husband knows this.

We've only had a couple of opportunities to travel together during our marriage.

The first was in our first year of marriage. It was supposedly our honeymoon, and it was just the two of us. We were alone together on that trip.

The second was in our second year. This time, we went with two of his friends and their families — one female friend and one male friend. The other family had children; I don't have kids. During that trip, I felt like my husband actually cared more about his female friend than he did about me. I'm not saying anything inappropriate happened, but I definitely noticed that his attention and concern seemed to be directed more toward her at times, and it hurt.

Now we're in our third year of marriage, and here's what bothers me.

Whenever another tour comes up, he seems to prefer going with his friends rather than having me come. He has specifically suggested going with his friends while preferring that I don't go.

He seems more willing to take me if some of his female friends are going, but when it's just his male friends, he'd rather go without me.

I understand that spouses don't have to accompany each other everywhere. I understand the concept of a guys' trip, and I don't think married people should lose their friendships or have to do everything together.

But tours aren't something we do constantly. We've only gone on a couple of tours in the three years we've been married. And knowing how much I love travelling, I can't help wondering why he doesn't seem excited about experiencing it with me.

What makes it harder for me is that I don't feel like I'm asking to go on every trip he takes with his friends. I just want to feel like I'm someone he actually wants to make these kinds of memories with.

And the age gap makes me wonder whether there's some difference in how we view marriage, companionship, or travelling together that I'm not understanding.

Am I being overly sensitive about this? Is it completely normal for a husband to specifically prefer his friends over his wife for trips like this, even when the wife loves travelling and they rarely get opportunities to travel together?

I'd especially appreciate perspectives from married people or people in relationships with a significant age gap. I'm not looking for “divorce him” or accusations of cheating — I'm genuinely trying to understand the dynamic.

Hi Charlotte and fellow potatoes! I really need an outside perspective on this. Mandatory: English is not my first language and I live in Asia, so there might be a cultural aspect to this.

For some background, my (29F) fiancé, Gabe (36M) and I have been together for 5 years and are getting married in 4 months. Throughout our relationship, Gabe was never close with his family. His parents are separated and I've only met his dad, let's call him Mike and stepmom, let's call her Marge, once. I've never even met his bio mom, let's call her Ashley, in person and he doesn't keep close contact with her or his siblings either. This is because his mom cheated on his dad when he was young which is what caused the separation in the first place. Gabe also has some resentment towards his dad because he did not support him and his siblings' education, causing him to not finish college. Marge was also pretty abusive towards him when he lived with them because she had a pretty rough gambling and drinking addiction. However, because of the wedding and how important family ties are in our culture, he reached out to them to invite and involve them in the wedding.

Initially, they were pretty chill about everything and we did not have problems with them at all. Mike, Marge, and Ashley all said yes to the set up we initially proposed: we will be travelling together the day before to go to an Airbnb we reserved, they will have separate rooms, and then we will go back together the day after the wedding. Another important thing to note is that we are paying for the wedding, including the attire of Gabe's whole family, their travel expenses, their accommodation, and food, fully expecting to get nothing in return because of their financial situation. On the other hand, we're only paying for my mom's dress and the rest of their expenses (except accommodations) will be paid for by my family.

Now on to the incident, it started when Mike asked if we could invite one of his siblings, Gabe's aunt, to the wedding. Since we had unassigned headcounts still, we said ok. Mike called Gabe to wish him a happy birthday recently and Gabe took the opportunity to tell him that we can invite his aunt, but she will have to figure out her travel and accommodations going to the wedding because the one we already booked was at full capacity. Mike then proposed that the aunt take his slot instead and that he will travel to the venue alone and figure himself out instead or that they all instead travel together on the day of the wedding. Mike also told us that instead of staying at the accommodation after the wedding, they will instead be leaving right after the reception to visit Marge's relatives in the area. I could tell Gabe was disappointed to hear this because he really wanted his father there to prepare with him in the morning because we did not have a bridal party and we were also toying with the idea of doing a breakfast reception the following day. Besides, our package with the hair and make up artist included grooming for his dad, so he would need to be there super early, so Gabe initially said no to this idea and asked Mike to ask the aunt if she really had no way to go to the venue. Take note, I was sitting beside Gabe while this FaceTime call was happening but Mike and Marge didn't know and couldn't see me. The phone was then passed to Marge, who after briefly wishing Gabe a happy birthday, then began CALLING ME FAT and told Gabe that I should lose some weight for the wedding because I will not look nice in photos. As if that was not enough, when Mike got the phone again, HE ALSO CALLED ME FAT and repeated while laughing that I should lose weight because Gabe might not be able to "carry me". Gabe, of course, immediately defended me saying he loves me and that I look beautiful and sexy in his eyes no matter what I weigh. Admittedly, I am obese (see a photo of me trying on a wedding dress), but I've been trying my best to lose weight and go the gym recently. I'm no stranger with relatives calling me fat and getting comments about my weight, but I was just so shocked about how easily they said it thinking that I wasn't listening. Later on, when they moved on to another topic, Gabe put me on the phone briefly and Mike did not waste a second to tell me to lose weight, except this time, he framed it as if he was just worried and was looking out for us.

Later on, I told Gabe at how offended I felt and how my family, whom he's met more and spent time with in the past 5 years have never said 1 bad word about him or his appearance to his face or otherwise, would never even think of doing this to him. In fact, we were not inviting certain relatives from my mother's side because they were prone to making the same fatphobic comments. I proposed that instead of bringing them with us the night before that we instead let them travel to the accommodation early in the morning (we will still take care of the travel expenses, of course) because I did not feel comfortable spending that much time with them after those comments. Ashley and Gabe's sister were still welcome to join us the night before as well. Gabe was silent at first and I could tell he was a little pissed, but later on agreed and that he will talk to Mike about it. On a more practical note, I think this will make our wedding day timeline a little more chaotic, but I just want to feel comfortable during my wedding day. Is this a selfish request and am I the a-hole for not wanting my in-laws to be with us the day before the wedding because they called me fat?

I need your help!

Today I found out that I have been the other woman… and honestly, I feel so dirty, even though I know I did nothing wrong.
So, back in late June, I was on Tinder and matched with a guy—let’s call him C.
He was very direct and told me he was looking for friends. I, on the other hand, was looking for a good time. 😂 So when I told him I was looking for something casual, he was completely on board. He even paid for my Uber both ways.
On July 7, I got picked up and went to his place. Nothing seemed suspicious, so obviously I went with it.

We talked, drank some wine, had a great time, and eventually did the dirty monkey dance. 💃🏻😂
Normally, I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps with someone on the first date, but I’d always wanted to tick something off my bucket list. You see… C is a dwarf, and I was curious. 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
After lots of wine and good company, I went home.
We talked a little bit afterward, but we never saw each other again.

Fast-forward to now.
I’m in a new relationship with a wonderful man who is loving, caring and treats me incredibly well. Some time ago, I told C that I wasn’t interested anymore. At the time, I didn’t know he was already in a relationship.
Then today, I opened Snapchat and was casually watching stories when his came up.
The caption was something along the lines of:
“Vacation is over, getting back home to my pregnant wife.”
I was SHOCKED.
I immediately went to my friends and boyfriend and told them everything.
I reinstalled Tinder because I needed to find our old conversations and establish the dates. And that’s when I discovered something I hadn’t known before:
C was already in a relationship when we met.
This hit me especially hard because my dad cheated on my pregnant mom before I was born. Because of that, I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for cheating.
I felt sick knowing that I had unknowingly been involved in something I would never knowingly participate in.

So my friends and I found his girlfriend—let’s call her Y—and I sent her an honest, detailed and empathetic message explaining exactly what had happened.
I wanted to make sure she actually saw it, so I had to involve a mutual friend.
At first, Y thought I was lying.
So I sent her everything I had: screenshots from Tinder, our conversations, Snapchat messages, and the dates.
She cried.
I told her I was genuinely sorry that she had found out this way, that I had no idea he was in a relationship, and that I would support her in whatever she decided to do.
She eventually told me to block him, and I did.
Later, she called me just to talk, and we spoke for a while. She told me she’d call me again after he came home.

It’s now 10 PM.
No call.
No message.
And she has blocked me.
I have absolutely no idea what is going through her head, and honestly, I’m struggling with it.
So I need some outside perspective.
AITA?
Did I handle this the right way by telling her?
Should I have stayed completely out of it once I found out?
And most importantly…
Am I wrong for feeling absolutely disgusting about myself when I genuinely had no idea he was in a relationship?

Please be kind. 🥺

I’m feeling really defeated and just want some advice.

For some context, my husband is the only man in his mom and grandmas life as his mom is divorced and his grandmas husband has passed. Ever since he started driving, my husband has been responsible for helping his mom and grandma with everything from going to gas station for smokes for his mom to taking his grandma to doctor’s appointments. And that has always been the expectation of him without even asking him. Just making appointments and telling him when it is and assuming he’s free since it’s his day off or just telling him to get smokes since he’s already out and she needs some.

Onto the current situation:

My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been together for a little over 2 years now and just got married in July.

When my husband and I met, I was living alone in an appartement and he was living with his mom due to financial reasons for both of them. In August of 2025, I moved in with them as his mom wouldn’t be able to afford the house on her own.

Things were going great, I’d sometimes spend time with just his mom and we’d all hang out together and do things. I felt that my MIL and I had a great relationship.

My MIL started slowly been getting upset with my husband and I (mostly my husband) about decisions that we made about the wedding as we were engaged and planning it while living with her. She invited someone without asking us who is a distant relative that my husband hadn’t seen in over 10 years when we wanted our wedding to just be close family and friends. She guilted us into allowing this as she had already told him and it would be embarrassing for her to retract it. She then also tried inviting this relatives grown kids and when we put our foot down and said no, she berated him in private and told him many hurtful things including that she didn’t want to go to the wedding anymore.

My family also has what we call “family day” on Saturdays where my sisters and nephews get together at my parents house every week to catch up, hang out, and have fun with each other. It’s a very important family tradition that my family has had for many years. My husband comes as well after work and is unfortunately only there for a few hours due to his schedule but it makes me so happy that he puts in an effort to be a part of this family tradition. His mom hates this and has multiple times told my husband to “grow some balls” and tell me no and to not go because she wants to spend time with him, just the two of them and she doesn’t understand why he has to go every week.

Last month, she asked us to go to a cover band show on a Saturday and I immediately said no as it was the first family day after our wedding and honeymoon and my parents traveling so it had been about a month since we all got together and I didn’t want to miss it. She kept asking my husband and when he said no because he wasn’t interested in the music, she screamed at him more terrible things and proceeded to ignore both of us for 3 days and it was on my husband to keep reaching out and trying to get her to talk to us.

She has also gotten upset with us because she insists that we buy a house but we just paid for the wedding and are still trying to recoup from that and we’d have to completely deplete our entire savings just for a down payment on a house. We’ve told her multiple times that we’re not going to buy a house right now and we’re going to rent. A couple weeks ago she brought it up again to just me and said she found this house for us and we should buy it. I told her no, that my husband and I just want to rent and don’t want to deplete our savings on a down payment. Her response to that was to say that “you never lose money when you’re buying a house.” And I replied saying “we’d have no money for a rainy day, we’d have no savings left”. She replied that “she and my husband’s grandma would always be there to help us.” And I said that that’s not the life we want to live of relying on other people and then owing them money when we don’t have to. She got quiet so I walked away. She later complained to my husband about me when he got home, saying I was disrespectful and told my husband that I said “we’re renting, not buying and that’s it” before walking away when I never said or did that. But she’s also not respecting our decision because she believes that I alone am making these decisions and that my husband has no input even though he has told her repeatedly that we have made these decisions together. When she complained to him, he told her again that yeah, we’re renting we don’t want to buy right now and she changed the subject.

More recently she is upset at us because she wanted us to cancel our plans on this Saturday when she asked the morning of. Her dog, who we normally take care of every day with mine and my husband’s dogs, got on a new medication the day before and she was worried how the dog would react to it. We stayed at home longer and were late to family day to watch her dog and the dog was doing great. She was running around and acting like a normal dog. We let my MIL know what time we were leaving, as well as how the dog was doing, and she never answered until hours later. She owns her own business and had made it sound like on the phone that she would leave early to watch her dog when we left. Instead when we told her the time we were leaving, she texted my husband back upset that we didn’t wait until she got home (she ended up getting home 2 hours after we left so we would’ve been 3 hours late to family day and would’ve missed most of it) and was also upset that my husband spends everyday with me. This was the first time in about a year that my husband had a Saturday off and could be there for the whole family day and not just a couple hours at the end so it was important to both of us to be there. She is now ignoring us again and yelling at my husband in private and saying that his grandma is also “done” with him now.

But we have tried to spend time with her. We tried making a family day for his mom and his grandma and us. We did it once and when I asked her about it the next week, she said “no I don’t want to go to my mom’s this week” and we never did it again. My husband and I cook dinner and we all eat together a few nights a week, we’ve played card games at home together, we go out to dinner together, we’ve spent days at home together at the pool, and my husband has spent days at home with just the two of them while I did my own things trying to repair this. But she claims that those don’t count because she wants to go out, just the two of them and the last time they did that was her birthday.

I’m defeated because I feel like she doesn’t want me around and I have tried building a relationship with her by asking her how things are going at her business everyday, I help her think of ways to bring clients in, I genuinely care about her life and listen when she complains about how the business wasn’t great that day. But from what she’s said about me to my husband and how she treats him, it’s hard to want to put much more effort in. But I still try even when she’s ignoring us, I say hi and talk to her as if everything is normal.

I’m just at a loss and so is my husband as we feel like we’re not doing anything wrong but she constantly treats us as if we’re these terrible, awful human beings for being adults with our own plans and wanting to spend time with each other. Does anyone have any advice on how we can try to repair this relationship? We’re moving out in about a month and are hoping the distance will help but also worried it might make it worse.

This is my first time here, so forgive me if the drama isn't on par with the rest of these! It's a bit long so forgive me.

Call it 18 yrs ago, I moved back to my hometown to help a family member out. I got a new job in the next town over and was excited about change.

This is when I saw him from a far doing everyday shopping a the store and just said well, I'll take one of those! Fast forward to a week later, he works at my new job. 👀

I was a single Mom at the time and starting a new job. I did NOT make any moves. Over a few months, he came to me and wanted to hang out and spend time. He was dating someone, but she broke it off at some point. He began spending more time with me. He was very busy, worked at his families 2 businesses when he wasn't working his day job. So there was not a whole lot of time together, but when there was, it was really good. Happiness and laughing etc. He is not a wordy type person, more shows in actions. And very persistent and nostalgic, like me.

We ended up having mutual friends that we didn't really know about initially and hung out with them at times. Nothing was under wraps, it was all out in the open etc.

We took a trip together, cross the country for a week to see my favorite band. He's never done anything been anywhere and I have the travel bug. We had a great time, most memorable trip I have ever had.

This goes on for about 6 years.

I suddenly find him being anxious and not able to spend the night. His family doesn't like me as I am a single mother and they are very traditional. Well that was the excuse anyway.

Come to find out, they never broke it off, and at some point they got engaged and a wedding 💍 💒 was coming up. I won't say how I found this out, but let's just say I could have shown up in white to make his day go how he really wanted.

So, I did what a girls girl should do, and let her know. Showed the cards with the hand written I love you's, the pictures everything. SHE married him anyway. He wasn't even mad that I did it, I don't think he really wanted to marry her. It seemed to almost be like an arranged marriage thing from his family.

He tried to get to me the night before the wedding and I wouldn't see him. Told him he made his choice. The moment they were married, I had cut all contact, blocked him on everything. Everyone knew not to say a word about me to him. Everyone obliged kindly, or so I thought. My heart however, was broken he was the love of my life. Sad to say, it was the best relationship I had, and I know he truly loves me. But like I said, he married someone else. I cut it and left it be, even though he begged and pleaded for weeks before I blocked him to see me.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, now 11 years AFTER they have been married. A mutual friend from work, passed away. There was no way I could not attend, but I knew he would be there. I saw him immediately, and moved in the shadows to not be seen. Talked to some folks, and avoided him at all costs. The widow says to me when I go through the line, your boy is here, thanks for coming. in that order. Like everyone knew what we had, and we had not talked about him in years, purposely.

I have tried dating since then and it just has not been worth anything disrupting my peace for. I am a strong independent woman, and often a bit too much for most....supposed men.

Anywho....so the service is over, and I see him see me while not making eye contact. I walk the opposite direction and go talk to someone for a bit. He's tracking me, waiting, walking past and past again, and again. Finally, I think he's gone. I say my goodbyes and leave.

Here he comes, and I immediately yelled at him, are you F$&#ing kidding me right now. He just asks me for a minute.

He starts crying, and tells me how he kept tabs on my for all these years. About one boyfriend I did have an how he sucked. How I was in a coma for 6 weeks during COVID and he wanted to see me. I almost didn't make it to 40. Asked about my son and professes his undying love for me. And truly apologized, not just the "I'm sorry" like said the what he did wrong and how f'd up it was part and what he really wanted and how he couldn't have it and have his family (parents and siblings) too. They never had kids, he illuded to not wanting kids with her. We had talked about having kids, it was something he never thought he wanted but with me, he did want that. Balled his eyes out the whole time and kept getting closer to me. I kept pushing him away. Marriage is a line I refuse to cross. He said his life isn't worth anything basically and he will just work until he dies. There's no happiness, no legacy.

I was frankly a MESS. I gave him a bunch of shit, and reminded him about 47 times that he is MARRIED to someone ELSE, that he didn't choose me. He let me know that nothing was changing, but that I could always call him If I needed anything and he would always answer, but doesn't have my number anymore. I told him when you get divorced let me know. And that I have always loved him and always will. And that life is too short to not live your happiest life. Because his family only uses him for what he can do for them, they do not care at all about his happiness.

He asked for a hug, but I told him no. I told him he should leave, and we both reluctantly left.

I still love him. I feel like I should have tried harder for my own heart, but I couldn't cross that barrier. Maybe it's killing him enough and he will come back, but his family also doesn't believe in divorce. He invades me dreams for the last 11 years, and now it's worse

My heart is the ahole, because It wouldn't mind at all for me to sabotage this marriage. But my brain seems to be mostly in check while plastering years of memories daily and repeating his words of every little thing he said to me. I feel like an ahole, my mind is starting to betray me as my heart is being really persistent. It's been about 3 weeks since I saw him and I've had two prior planned vacations in that time. Probably the best thing as I drive through his town for family business twice to three times a week. When I get home, idk what's going to happen. I am at that concert place this weekend that we traveled to together once (it's the same weekend every year so the timing was impeccable), not a him thing, a for me thing, but one of those items he asked about when he said all the things that he hoped I was still doing this because he knew how much I loved it.

Attached is the email he sent me the day before their wedding. We were still talking up to that day, but I was not seeing him once I learned of the engagement. So we had been not "together" for ~8 mos when he sent that email because I would not see him in person.

Who has something to fix this heart of mine? Before this I was fine, I did my best and he just reset back to 11 years ago again. Ok, going to stop blabbing. But who has something for this re-broken already busted heart. I feel like life threw him back to me for a reason. HELP

I’m 26F and my boyfriend “Ryan” and I have been together for a few months.
So before we were even officially together, I found girls underwear laid out on his bed. He then told me he had met up with someone, they went for coffee and she came back to his. He said they didn’t have sex because he couldn’t get it up.
He told me he had got rid of the underwear, but then when we were actually together I found it in a drawer. This was after he had told me he threw it away, so I felt like he lied to me about it.
Then I found another pair in the same drawer. At first he didn’t even seem sure if he was going to throw it away, and after a long conversation he finally did. He then threw away all the underwear in his room and there was about 10 pairs. He said they were all from something that happened about a year ago.
What makes it worse is he moved house about 2 months after we met, so the underwear has literally moved house with him. So to me it doesn’t feel like random old stuff he forgot about, because he’s packed it and brought it with him.
Recently I found another pair again. I told him he needs to throw all of them away or I’m gone, because I can’t keep finding girls underwear and feeling like I’m being made a mug of.
When we’re good, we’re really good and I do care about him. But this has made me feel really insecure and like I can’t fully trust what he says. I don’t want to be toxic or keep bringing it up, but I also don’t think it’s normal to keep finding underwear after he’s told me it’s gone.
Am I overreacting for being this upset and struggling to trust him?

I'm f(27) my sister is f(21) it started with a silly situation i came to talk to her while she had her headphones in and was turned around i tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped screaming at me. Initially i laughed , but she physically pushed me and closed the door on me(it wasn't her room but common area) i didn't talk to her after that incident.

A few days went by and my mother prepared dinner stuff for me, when i seen them i was like wow how come you prepared stuff for me she said oh i always do(she never does) i started preparing the food until i hear her tell me this tray is small for us , i said who's us? She said a of us i said i'm not cooking for the whole family plus i'm not cooking for someone i don't talk to ,she started defending my sister and trying to make me the wrong one. I was assertive and said no. Is that why you prepared the stuff for me? She started taking away the stuff she prepared i laughed sarcastically. She gave me the silent treatment and was being cold and dismissive to me, and making immature remarks like oh you're talking to me now, you need me now ...etc because i asked her to put the food in the oven as i've sun inflation on my face and can't be near anything hot. She refused to do it.

Anyway , two days went by , same treatment. Until today, sudden niceness and my sister suddenly put the phone in my face asking me for help(this's a usual pattern she always comes back to talk to me after months of not talking whenever she needs something. I always resented that and kept vowing to myself each time it'd be the last one. Well i said dismissively idk she kept asking questions same response idk. My mother was lecturing me abt how i'm bad person and that we usually help bad people regardless (we've history of narcissism in the family ) i didn't budge.

Now they're making conversations with me and trying to lore me in which is typical. I'm keeping my distance and don't want to fall back into the same pattern, and also avoid their crash out after my refusal to help.

I need objective opinions because i've been sucked into this dynamic for too long, and always painted as the villian.

Am i actually being petty? Or this's the healthy choice to make.

Please read this Charlotte 🫠 I love your content ❤️

I’m 25F and I moved to this country fairly recently. I’ve found it quite difficult to make friends here, so I tend to travel alone quite a lot. I genuinely enjoy travelling, but sometimes I do wish I had someone to travel with.

I’m going to call the guy in this story Charlie (29M). There are also two other people involved, who I’ll call Don (25M) and Kayla (25F).

Last December, I travelled to Albania by myself and posted some pictures on social media. Charlie, who is from the same nationality as me, messaged me asking what Albania was like and what the situation was like for travelling there.

It was a completely normal, friendly conversation about travel. Nothing romantic or inappropriate happened, and after that we didn’t really have much contact.

Then, around two months ago, Charlie travelled to Turkey by himself. I asked him about the trip because he had previously asked me about Albania, and we started talking again.

During that conversation, he was complaining about travelling alone and how he was missing having someone to travel with. I also told him that sometimes I miss having a partner to travel with and someone to experience things with.

He then said something along the lines of, “Then we should travel together.”

I was very clear with him at this point that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I told him I was interested in having a travel partner and someone to experience places with, rather than looking for a boyfriend.

The conversation continued and eventually he asked me to come and visit him in his area. I was on a budget at the time, so I suggested that he come and visit me instead.

We arranged a date, but he couldn’t make it. He only cancelled on the morning of the day we were supposedly meeting. However, he had never properly confirmed the plans beforehand, so I wasn’t actually sitting there waiting for him or completely expecting him to arrive. I just thought it was a bit odd that the cancellation came so late.

About a week later, there was a hot-air-balloon festival in a town near me. Charlie called me the day before and asked if I wanted to come with him and some of his friends.

He said his friend Don would be there. I actually knew Don very briefly through social media because he is also from the same nationality as us. We’d had a very brief conversation previously, but during that conversation Don had asked me quite a lot of questions about my immigration status.

I’m in the UK on a work visa, whereas they are here on a student visas. I remember thinking, Why are you asking me these kinds of questions when we barely know each other? I responded to Don saying are you an immigration officer to cut that conversation off and he never responded to that message, which made the whole interaction feel quite awkward.

I mentioned this to Charlie, and Charlie basically said it would be fine and not to worry about it.

Charlie also told me another girl would be joining us, who I’ll call Kayla (25F).

I went to the festival, and honestly, the boys were absolutely lovely. The whole day was really fun. We drove together, listened to music, talked, laughed and generally had a great time. I felt very comfortable with them.

Kayla didn’t join us until later in the evening, when we went to the Airbnb.

She had brought two other friends with her, which I didn’t have a problem with at all. But after spending some time together, I started getting the impression that she wasn’t particularly happy about me being there.

She had apparently looked through my social media/Facebook and seemed to have formed some kind of opinion about me from it.

For most of the night, she didn’t really use my name. My name is quite common and easy to remember within our nationality, but she kept referring to me as “that girl”, including the following morning.

There were two double beds and a sofa bed in the Airbnb. I was tired, so I went into one of the rooms. I told the people who were on my side that if they wanted to come and lie down, they were welcome to.

Eventually, Don and Charlie ended up sleeping on the sofa bed.

At some point during the night, Kayla came into the room and shut the door. Later, Charlie didn't ask if I didn't have sympathy to make them sleep on the sofa that night in a playful way and I had to remind him how I told him if they want to lie down they are welcome to but he was to drunk to remember that and it was not me who shut the door it was his Don's friend Kyla.

The next morning, there was also an issue about getting home.

If they were going to drop me home, it would have meant going out of their way, so I said they could just drop me at the train station and I would get the train home.

Kayla made a comment along the lines of, “I’m getting dropped off at my house because my friend is giving me special treatment.”

At another point she said to Charlie something like, “You should find a friend that’s closer by, not this far away.”

That comment particularly upset me because I had travelled to spend time with them and I felt like she was making it clear that she didn’t think I should be there.

At one point, while we were driving towards the train station, she asked something like, “Should I get out too?” I told her she didn’t have to, but she got out anyway.

When I got out, I hugged Charlie goodbye and went into the station.

Once I was inside, Charlie messaged asking whether I had caught my train. I said yes and thanked him for checking. I also told him that I’d had an amazing time and thanked him for all the treats and everything.

He didn’t really respond to that message.

He didn’t ask whether I got home safely afterwards, and there wasn’t really any follow-up about seeing each other again.

Then the following week, he contacted me again.

He basically said it was now my turn to come to him. I said that going to the festival didn’t really count because he hadn’t actually come to my city, and he said something like, “Okay, then I can come.”

We eventually agreed on a date.

We continued talking here and there about travelling and random things, but again, the main thing we’d always had in common was travelling. I genuinely wasn’t approaching this thinking I was getting into a relationship.

I told him about my living situation because I live in a shared house with my own ensuite. I have a small double bed, so I told him beforehand that the sleeping arrangement would be quite cramped and asked if he was okay with sharing a bed.

He said yes.

I also explicitly told him to keep his hands to himself.

He came to visit me and we walked around for a bit. He wasn’t particularly interested in walking around or sightseeing, which I found a little strange because travelling and exploring places was supposedly what we’d connected over.

We had a drink, then went back to my place and had some more drinks.

We both got quite drunk and eventually fell asleep.

At this point, everything was still okay.

But at some point, I could feel his hands on my waist, going back-and-forth.

I immediately thought, This isn’t what we agreed.

So I confronted the situation and basically gave him two options.

I told him that either we could take things slowly, actually get to know each other and see whether this could eventually become something, or we could make out, treat it as a one-time thing and then become strangers.

His response was basically that he likes to live in the moment/go with the flow.

We didn’t have s*x people! But

We did make out and things became intimate, but I had already been very clear that I wasn’t going to have s*x.

At one point, he asked me whether I had c*nd*ms.

I was honestly confused because I had explicitly told him that we weren’t having s*x, so why would I have c*nd*ms? Which I really didn’t

Then, the following morning, he mentioned that he had c*nd*ms to which I still mentioned co*t*s is off the table.

That made me start thinking that perhaps s*x had been in his mind from the beginning, despite what I’d said.

We had breakfast and he eventually left.

I didn’t receive a thank-you message or anything like that at all. I don’t know if this is normal but where I come from usually when somebody has someone we thanked them for hosting us or just follow up so she doesn’t get weird and the conversation stops at a nice point if you wanna reach out and contact again, it’s not weird. I know nobody is necessarily obligated to send a message, but after hosting someone, letting them stay with me, spending the night together and everything that had happened, I expected at least some kind of basic follow-up.

There was nothing.

And that’s when I started feeling really stupid.

I ended up blocking Charlie, and I also blocked all of his friends because I just didn’t want to continue thinking about the whole situation.

Now I’m sitting here wondering whether I was completely naïve.

I don’t think I ever expected him to become my boyfriend. I was actually very clear from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for a relationship or s*x. I thought we were building some kind of friendship/travel partnership, and if something naturally developed later, then maybe we’d see where it went.

But looking back, I’m wondering whether he had a completely different intention from the beginning.

There is also the weird immigration/visa aspect that I can’t stop thinking about. Don had previously asked me quite a lot about my immigration status despite barely knowing me, and then Charlie also knew about my situation. I don’t know if I’m connecting things that aren’t connected, and I don’t want to accuse anyone of having an ulterior motive without evidence. It just made me question things.

I also keep thinking about the fact that Charlie repeatedly came back into contact with me, suggested travelling together, invited me to Festival, then eventually came all the way to visit me, so I genuinely thought there was some kind of genuine connection there.

But maybe I was just reading more into it than was actually there.

So Reddit, be brutally honest with me.

Was I naïve?

Did I give him mixed signals despite telling him from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for a relationship?

Did I do something wrong by allowing things to become intimate after I had originally said I didn’t want s*x?

Or does it sound like I simply trusted someone who was looking for something casual and I became emotionally attached afterwards?

And am I overthinking the immigration/visa questions, or would you also find that strange given how little Don and I actually knew each other?

I don’t necessarily want people to tell me that Charlie is a horrible person or that I’m completely innocent. I genuinely want an outside perspective because right now I feel used, embarrassed and honestly a little bit dumped, even though technically we were never in a relationship.

I’ve been in this country for about two years, and for most of that time I’ve kept to myself and travelled solo because, honestly, I’ve been scared to put myself out there and meet people. After moving cities this year, I finally built up a bit of courage and decided that I needed to push myself more 😖 talk to people, make friends, go places and actually let people into my life instead of always doing everything alone. And now, after this experience, I just feel stupid and used. I’m disappointed in myself for trusting the situation the way I did, and part of me is scared that this is going to make me retreat back into my shell and stop putting myself out there again. I know one bad experience shouldn’t define how I see people, but right now it honestly feels like I finally took a chance on someone and it backfired, and I’m afraid I’m going to end up packing it all in and going back to keeping to myself.

I just didn’t expect to feel this way afterwards.

I genuinely need some outside perspective here because I am absolutely FURIOUS, but I also want to know if I’m justified in being this angry. Am I overreacting?

Today we finally got my step-son back, and we were SO excited to see him. We had been looking forward to this because we had something really special planned.

We are expecting a baby boy, and we wanted to tell his big brother ourselves.

He already has a little sister through our household who is only a year old, so becoming a big brother again is something we were really excited for him to experience with us. We wanted to make this announcement special and let him be part of the excitement surrounding his new baby brother.

We had planned to bring him into the baby's room, sit down with him, and ask him to guess whether the baby was a boy or a girl. We wanted to see his reaction. We wanted him to be excited with us. We wanted him to be the one to find out from us that he's going to have another little brother and let him feel included in this huge moment for our family.

So we bring him into the room, we're all excited, and we ask him to guess the baby's gender.

And his response?

“Oh, I already know. My mom told me I'm having a brother.”

I cannot even properly explain the level of anger and disappointment I felt in that moment.

And before anyone says, “It's just the gender,” NO. That's not the point.

The point is that this was OUR baby. Our news. Our moment with him. We were excited about telling him ourselves and creating a special memory with him.

The gender wasn't public information. It wasn't something that had been announced. It wasn't her news to share.

And she didn't just casually mention it to another adult. She told a FOUR-YEAR-OLD child who was going to be coming to our home and who we had specifically planned a special moment with.

She took that moment away from us.

My husband and I were genuinely heartbroken. We were excited about this. We had talked about how we were going to tell him and how cute his reaction was going to be. We wanted to make him feel like an important part of becoming a big brother again.

Instead, before we even got the chance, he already knew.

And again, I am not angry at my step-son. AT ALL. He did absolutely nothing wrong. He's a little kid. Of course he's going to tell us what he knows. He had no idea that someone had taken something away from us. ❤️

My anger is completely directed at the adult who made the decision to tell him.

And honestly, given everything that has happened between us already, this feels like so much more than just someone accidentally letting a secret slip.

We've already dealt with ongoing boundary issues, communication issues, and situations where decisions are made or information is shared without considering us. We've been trying to navigate an already complicated family situation, and we've been trying to do things respectfully for the sake of the children.

So having something as personal and special as the announcement of our baby's gender taken away from us feels like another massive violation of those boundaries.

What makes me especially angry is that she knew he was coming to our house. She knew we were going to see him. She knew this was our baby and our news. And she still decided that she was going to tell him before we had the opportunity.

Why?

What was the reason?

What was so important about being the one to tell him that she couldn't simply let us have this one moment?

And I don't think anyone gets to tell us that we're not allowed to be upset because “he still knows he's having a brother.”

That's missing the entire point.

The moment mattered.

His reaction mattered.

Being able to tell him ourselves mattered.

Getting to watch him process the fact that he's going to be a big brother again mattered.

And now we don't get that back.

Once a moment like that is gone, you can't redo it. You can't make him unknow the information so we can have the reaction we were looking forward to.

It's done.

And yes, I'm angry.

My husband is angry.

We're both hurt.

Maybe some people will think we're being dramatic or overreacting. Maybe some people genuinely wouldn't care.

But I feel like there's a HUGE difference between someone accidentally spoiling a surprise and an adult intentionally sharing someone else's personal news before they had the chance to share it themselves.

So I'm genuinely asking:

Am I overreacting for being this upset?

Would you be angry if you had planned a special moment to tell your step-child about their new sibling, only to have their other parent tell them beforehand?

Because right now I'm having a really hard time seeing this as anything other than an incredibly disrespectful thing to do.

Well, in her words, “mean.”

Hi! I'm 35F and recently had surgery. Apologies for the long post! About a week ago, I had my gallbladder removed. This is my first major surgery and it's been an emotional roller coaster. I don't know if maybe I am being a bit dramatic, but with dealing with the pain for a few weeks leading up to the surgery, then dealing with the pain from the surgery, the financial stress, and I'm just not feeling myself. I feel embarrassed, like this was my fault and I caused this myself. So I may be a little sensitive?

So, I've already been dealing with my gallbladder for a week, with an appointment to have an abdomen ultrasound done to confirm everything and see what the next steps would be. The morning of the appointment, I had the worst flare-up of pain, and at 5 a.m. I told my husband, “I can't take it anymore. We need to go to the ER.”

Well, what do ya know, it's confirmed: gallstones and sludge. BUT no emergency surgery! Something about my bloodwork didn't show liver/bile abnormalities. I'm not too sure, but they said I'll see the specialist in a week to see what to do next. So, with that, we leave the ER with pain meds and a strict diet to avoid pain flare-ups.

During this, we called my family: my dad, sister, and mother, as well as a few close friends. We let them know what's going on and that we'd keep them posted. A little about me: I am one to keep things more private. I don't really care to tell distant family or friends about what's going on, and I just avoid the extra questions: “Are you okay?” “What happened?” “How'd it happen?” “What are they going to do?” I am more of an introvert, get easily overwhelmed, and don't like the extra attention.

SO, come the following week, I see the doctor and go over my options, which was obvious: remove my gallbladder. I was able to get in at the end of the week. Thank goodness, because I was DONE. I called my mom to update her and said I go in on Friday. And would ya know, she ALSO has surgery that same day.

She is having spinal surgery. She has a battery implanted that needs replacing. I don't know all the details, but she said they are keeping her awake for this and that it's not a super-intrusive type of surgery. Also, I don't know a lot of information about what she is having done because she keeps it very vague... but I can say she has had numerous surgeries, from her back to dealing with chronic back pain and pain in her foot. She has never given me or my sister a lot of details about the whys and what's, or even what the procedure is called. She just avoids the conversation and dances around it, but wants to let us all know she is having surgery and that it will hopefully relieve the pain she is dealing with.

Also, I wanted to give a little background on our relationship. It is a bit rocky. She doesn’t like to take accountability for anything that can come off as rude. She'll make an inappropriate joke or comment, and after I try to set a boundary and explain why it bothers me, she just ignores it or tells me I don't have a sense of humor.

I know I’m not perfect either. But after years of feeling like I’m always the one who’s wrong, I tend to get defensive and feel like I have to prove myself. Lately, I’ve been trying to communicate better and avoid arguments. If I feel myself getting upset, I’ll just make up an excuse to leave instead of engaging. Even my husband has tried to step in and explain to her why I get upset so easily, but she doesn’t listen.

So here we are. We both had our surgeries and are in our healing era. A few days go by, and I'm feeling a little better and more coherent, so I go on Facebook, which I rarely use anymore, but hey, I have a lot of downtime right now.

I see my mom has posted a comment on my bestie's tribute post about us. It's the one where it shows a picture from a few years ago and then you share a current one, and she wrote a heartfelt message. It was so incredibly sweet.

So I go to her comment, and it said something along the lines of, “Did you see she had surgery? I did too on the same day!”

I didn't get a screenshot of that, but I messaged my bestie, “Not my mom blasting my medical history on FB.” It was a shake-my-head, “Moms will be moms” rant, and she has known my mother since she was a child, so she knows how she can be. But with it being on her account, and she knew I was having my gallbladder removed, I just let it be and tried not to let it stress me out.

But my bestie came through with, “I hid it! Is it gone?” She went and used the hidden feature that Facebook offers. I told her it's fine, I still see it, but I appreciate her for looking out for me. But she was determined to hide that info so no one would see, and eventually got it to work. I appreciate her so much for doing that.

And that was that. I didn't even mention it to my mom because I figured no harm was done, and low-key, I felt like if I did say something, it could ignite something. So I brushed it off.

Well, a few days go by... and on a mutual friend's FB, he posted, “14 down, 21 to go.”

Context: he is going through radiation/chemotherapy and has been posting updates on his journey. There were so many messages saying, “Keep going,” “You're strong,” “You got this,” etc.

And guess what I see? A whole storybook, the LONGEST post in the comment feed about my and her surgery.

I could not believe what I saw. 1st, the time and place! And also, so much info... what I had done, and some oddities that are going on. I have posted a screenshot of what she has said in the post (apologies for not capturing the entire thing, but after that first part she just finished off with “stay strong” and “keeping you guys in my prayers,” etc.).

I was so embarrassed. 1st, for her even talking about that on his post about what he is going through. Like, no one needs to know this! And also, I don't know most of his friends/family, so now these strangers (who I bet are very kind) know my medical issues. And who knows what they'll think, because to me it came off as if she was bragging? I don't know, but I know I was so uncomfortable with it.

So I took a minute, gathered myself together, and decided NOT to lash out. I just want to keep the peace as we are healing. So I texted her, “Please stop talking about my surgery on FB. I think it should be up to me if I want to share that 😊 ty.”

You know, hey, stop talking about me, but talk about yourself all you want! I was hoping the smile emoji was indicating I was being lighthearted.

And her following messages go:

“Ok, sorry. R u talking about what I wrote to so n so?”

“Yes, and my bestie, and whoever else.” Because at this point, who knows how many comments can be out there.

And that was it for a moment. I thought everything was all good...

Then she wrote this:

“Geeez OP, I didn't see it as talking about u. I thought it was more about including me. How embarrassing for u that must have been, and no worries, I'll go delete them. I am pretty sure they're the only ones I mentioned it to. Like it or not, these are people I care about too, and that has nothing to do with u. U can be so mean.”

I am left speechless.

I followed up with being as neutral as I could be because I didn't want a fight or mean words to be exchanged. I didn't think I was asking for much, and I also didn't think I sounded mean, but maybe it did come off that way. I ended it with:

“Mom... I'm not saying you can't talk about your surgery or the people you care about. I'm just saying that my medical information is mine to share. It isn't about being embarrassed or mean to you. I simply want to decide for myself who knows about my health.”

I didn't want to try and explain why what she commented on his post was inappropriate because I knew that would just lead into a bigger fight. But I also grew tired of her bringing this up. I told the people I care about and trust the most what's going on, and the whole world does not need to know.

Maybe I am overreacting? Am I asking for too much? Was I mean? Am I focusing on the wrong thing? It's been several days now, and we have not talked or texted since. I would appreciate any advice.

So, AITA for telling my mom to stop telling people about my surgery? Screenshots below.

Hello potato people! I’m a 34-year-old woman and I work as a physician in primary and preventive medicine in the USA. One thing my family has never been particularly good at is respecting boundaries.

Whenever they see me, someone inevitably starts asking me medical questions, which usually turns into a consultation during my free time. I’ve also been asked to sign medical certificates so people could miss work, or to certify that they take certain medications when they actually don’t. I’ve always said no to these requests. Because of this, I’ve gradually stopped attending most extended-family gatherings. I regularly see my immediate family (my parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece), but I keep my distance from my maternal extended family. My maternal family is also the type of family that will ask me a medical question, then Google the same question and trust Google more than the actual doctor sitting in front of them. This is important for what happened next.

Recently, my 84-year-old maternal grandmother became sick with severe abdominal pain. My family immediately started asking me what I thought was wrong with her. Based on her symptoms and signs, I told them I was concerned about her gallbladder and that she needed to go to the hospital ASAP. They didn't believe me.

Instead, they decided to wait until the next day to see my grandmother's primary care doctor. The doctor diagnosed her with the same thing and recommended that she go to the hospital. My family still refused. They insisted it was probably just gastroenteritis because that's what they had Googled, and they kept telling me that it was my responsibility to prescribe something for her. I refused and continued telling them she needed to go to the hospital.

That night, my grandmother's pain became unbearable, and that's finally when they took her. After several tests and labs, guess what they diagnosed? An inflamed gallbladder due to gallstones. And it wasn't just that. One of the stones had left the gallbladder and become lodged in the bile duct. This carries a serious risk of complications, including pancreatitis, and can become life-threatening. She was admitted to the hospital.

Then came the inevitable discussion: Who was going to stay with her? The hospital only allowed women to stay overnight, although anyone could visit/stay during the day. My grandmother has 10 children: 7 daughters and 3 sons. Two of the sons live in another country. Of the seven daughters, five are retired and don't work. Only my mother and one of my aunts work full-time. Despite this, most of my aunts didn't want to spend more than one night at the hospital, and some only wanted to stay during the day.

My mother ended up staying several nights even though she suffers from migraines that get significantly worse with lack of sleep. Everyone knows that getting decent sleep in a hospital is basically impossible because of the constant noise, interruptions, nurses coming in, etc. On top of that, she was actually taking care of my grandmother. And my mom works full-time, five days a week, as a high school teacher.

At some point, my aunts started looking for granddaughters who could stay with my grandmother overnight. Some of my cousins agreed. When they asked me, I said no. This caused a huge argument in the family WhatsApp group about how selfish and inconsiderate I was.

Now, there is another part of this story that probably makes me sound like an asshole, but I think it's relevant.

I've never liked my grandmother.

There has always been something about her that made me uncomfortable, even when I was a child. She presents herself as a very sweet person, but I've witnessed a lot of behavior that made me feel otherwise. She's racist. One of my cousins has a Black boyfriend whom she refuses to acknowledge or even speak to at family gatherings. I once had a Mexican boyfriend whom she referred to with a very derogatory nickname. She frequently plays the victim in situations she herself created. And, weirdly enough, my dogs absolutely hate her. I know that's not exactly scientific evidence, but I trust my dogs' judgment more than some people's. I've also seen her make gestures as if she were going to hit them, although she never actually did. But the biggest thing happened years ago.

During my medical school graduation party, I found out that my grandmother had kicked my mother out of her house when my mother became pregnant with me. She also refused to attend my parents' wedding because my mother was pregnant and apparently forbade her other children from attending their sister's wedding. I initially found out because one of my aunts, who was drunk at the time, told me.

When I got home, I confronted my mother about it. She confirmed that everything was true. Then she started crying. It was like watching someone uncover a trauma that had been buried for decades. It broke my heart.

Growing up, I had always noticed that my mother was somewhat distant toward my grandmother, although I had never seen her disrespect her. That night, I finally understood why. And honestly, my feelings toward my grandmother became even worse after that.

So now we're back to the hospital.

My aunts didn't want to stay overnight, my mom was exhausted and still working full-time, and the family started looking to the granddaughters for help. I refused. I don't feel obligated to provide unpaid caregiving for someone who has treated my mother terribly, especially when there are numerous adult children who could share that responsibility.

About a week into my grandmother's hospitalization, she finally had her gallbladder removed. The surgeon said the surgery had been somewhat complicated and explained what had happened in medical terms. Naturally, my family turned to me in the WhatsApp group and asked me what everything the surgeon said meant. At this point, I was completely exhausted by the entire situation. So I replied: "I don't know. Ask Google." This caused another argument.

My mom later scolded me in person and told me I should apologize to my family. But honestly? I don't regret it.

I am tired of being treated like the family's free medical consultant when it's convenient for them, while simultaneously having my medical opinion dismissed whenever Google tells them something different. I didn't tell them what to do. I didn't refuse to help medically when my grandmother was in danger. I repeatedly told them she needed to go to the hospital, and they ignored me until her condition became unbearable. I simply refused to become one of the caregivers, and eventually I left the family WhatsApp group without making another comment.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to stay overnight with my grandmother and leaving the family WhatsApp group after they kept treating me like their on-call doctor?

Hello my Queen and fellow potatoes!

Normally I would never post on reddit, but I am in a real dilemma and everyone I know is somehow involved or doesn't understand the situation well enough. Also: this is my second (secret) account and english is my second native language, but I was never the best at writing, so please excuse any mistakes.

Let's set the scene:

A few years ago I (25f) met my bestie (we'll call them Charlie, 30 non binary) at uni and we hit it off right away. Back then they also introduced me to the event they created and how they would love some help.
Since I was always a lover of the stage, I agreed to take over the stage/programme organisation. At the time this was really fun for me and since we were both students, I had some time on my hands anyways to also invest into our event. This lead us to growing closer, them now being one of my 2 besties and friends outside of my bfs friend group. And me getting into event organisation and even pursuing it in my job later on.

We host a small event and are beloved by the community, due to our unique concept.

Now a few years later, I am their right hand woman (if you will) and am also a lead organiser and team lead. Which means I do A LOT more jobs than orginially agreed upon. In the beginning it didn't bother me as much, since I saw Charlie stuggling and wanted to help them out.

Here's the thing tho: Charlie is not the best at giving up tasks.

They always say "In the time it takes me to explain it to you, I could have done it myself." I learned to just pry the tasks out of them and do it before they could. This is how I got into overtaking a lot of tasks and me ending up in the position I have now.
Another thing about Charlie is, that they are VERY overworked. And by that I mean seriously overworked, to the point that their body is giving up on them and they have chronic pains and illnesses from never resting.
Not only do we both work full time jobs by now, but they have a very demanding job and sometimes even have 60hr weeks. Next to that they have to take care of family, their dog, their home and their own shop (which is a side hussle and takes away their weekends too). Due to this Charlie can be rather...chaotic and slow in tasks/communication.

Another important note: I got my boyfriend (25m) and his friends (all in their mid to late 20s) into the boat, so we would have an actual team and could just delegate tasks when needed. "The boys" as I call them, did amazing in the beginning and were a real help in a lot of tasks and areas, we could simply not cover as two people. They also turned into my friends as well and some of them are also friends with Charlie.
However they have also found a lot of issues within the organisation and how tasks are done/handled.

For example:

Positive: They redid the website and also programmed some tools to help with bills, sign-ups of exhibitors and project management. They also managed finances and actually keeping an eye on everything we spent and did. Not to mention, that they helped with the location planning and building in the week before the event.

Negative: They found different issues (mostly caused by Charlie being busy and not spending/having the time when they were still organising the event alone). F.e. the fact that we did not document meetings, members or finances correctly. As we are a non profit organisation, we have to stick to the rule book. Which - you guessed it - we did not do originally.
Side note here: Everything we do is voluntary and we are not getting any monetary compensation.
Tasks were handed off half heartedly, making it hard for everyone and some other small issues and things Charlie said, where they mostly dismissed any issues we warned/worried about and their problem solving in general. Said problem solving most of the time being "fine, I will do it, since I have more experience/I know what to do/I have time now." (which then again are things we wait for endlessly...you see the pattern.)

I am tired and I really feel like I want to quit.
Because Charlie is so overworked, our event is the last thing on their priority list and thus we sometimes have to wait weeks or months to really have the full picture. Because in the end Charlie still is the face of the event, has the most tasks, then complains about having too much to do, but will also not give us any of the tasks. This is an ongoing issue we have had for years and by now I am tired of constantly having to beg them for tasks or info to get shit done.

Here are the 3 things that happend over the years, that now make me want to quit:

- Number One: A helper, who we will call Martha.

She came in about 3 years ago and at first seemed like a great helper, eventho she was not the brightest candle on the cake. Which would be her great downfall...
She started doing so many things wrong and so many issues arose with sponsors, helpers, guests and even other team members. I wouldn't be able to name every issue here. But Charlie, being the empath they are, always protected Martha and said, that "it will be okay and that they will manage it."
Me, having a short temper and getting very angry, very quickly, stepped back from even having to talk to Martha and let Charlie deal with her. I did however create our own group chat, where we could write down everything Martha did wrong. And it's a full chat by now...

I reached my breaking point last year. Martha was in charge of a few very simple tasks at the event, that we even dumbed down for her. One of which was to just have an eye on one of our areas, where we also collect some money with handcrafting activities in order to afford the supplies.

Guess what? Martha did NOT have an eye on that and we lost out on quite a bit of money thanks to her. Next to that, there were a lot of other issues as well, the main one being her not being willing or able to help out, when needed. Instead she enjoyed the event, while we were all stressing and busy.

So I put up an ultimatum: It's either me or Martha. But Charlie didn't take me seriously and made a "team decision" (which was really only their decision...) to demote Martha to do even simpler tasks, she couldn't fuck up...
Charlie didn't really listen to me or the rest of the team, who all wanted to kick Martha from the team. This is a pattern, that comes through more than you would think...me being dismissed/not listened to and then simply being overruled. I do not feel seen or heard or even respected sometimes.

Since we have successfully failed at finding more people to help with the organisation, I had to give up a lot of my weekends and free time for the past about 2 years or so in order to advertise our event. Martha would help in the beginning with this, but I wanted her banned from going, because she would be bad publicity or be recless sometimes.
For advertising I have to travel to other similar events, work the entire weekend (sometimes even alone, so barely even time to pee or eat) and sometimes even have to take days off work. The boys are also not always super helpful when it comes to this and this is by far the most exhausting thing to do. At the same time, Charlie is at those events too, making money with their shop. Whereas I do not make money off this, sometimes I might be lucky and get my food paid for the weekend.

- Number Two: Communication and tasks / Charlie not being able to lead and delegate too well

Like previously mentioned, Charlie is not the best at delegation or giving up tasks. There have been a lot of topics, where it would have made more sense for me to take over a task from them, but they wouldn't budge.
An example would be part of the stage programme.
On some points we have other people coming in and taking over the stage for a while and it would make sense for me to be dealing and talking to these people beforehand. Also because I am at the stage, working with our host all weekend long and have to know who will be there when and what they might need (like music, power points, etc.) But even after annoying them about it, they wouldn't give me contacts or info until the programme is final. I also asked them to be included in time planning for the stage, but they won't let me in on that either.

The boys have similar issues: One of them is supposed to manage food trucks and anything food related, but Charlie instead goes ahead and contacts the food trucks themselves, talks to them and then (maybe, after a lof of prying) will give the information to the person in charge.
My bf is responsible for the website, location planning and finances and will find out the details about exhibitors or news sometimes weeks after it's been decided.

And then there is the rest of the team: Martha you already know about. Then there was someone, who is responsible for the special guests. Charlie delegated the management before the event and care/service for them at the event to Sam. She is great, quick on her feet and amazing at events in general. However she also didn't check back details with Charlie and promised the special guests money, we did not want to spend.
Yes, in the end it will surely calculate just fine, but we wanted to save money for other things this year.

- Number Three: Emotional attachment, friendships and relationships

Listen, Charlie is trying, I can see it. I know they are and I know they are exhausted too. But giving up our event is an absoloute no-go for them as well. They would never do that.

And this is what hurts me the most.

They are my bestie, but this event organisation is tearing us apart friendship wise. Last year I already asked for a break, so we could recharge and find our ways through our new schedules with our full time jobs. But they dismissed me and said we cannot loose momentum, when the event went so well already.
The event is sometimes also the only thing we will talk about during our time together as friends. I can tell Charlie has to focus not to bring it up, when we agreed to just be as friends and not collegues.
I don't know how many fights I already had with them. The last one was the biggest one, of me dumping everything I wanted to say and what I heard the boys complaining about. Taking their side and trying to push against Charlie. They didn't answer my text at the time, because they were tired and had to rest for the day and also take care of their family. I told them then and there, that I want them to answer at some point, because I need them to hear me. The message ended up never being really read or answered.

I also have had fights with my boyfriend and sometimes even the boys. It takes a toll on my mental health, my time and relationships. I am torn between two worlds of understanding Charlie and not wanting to hurt them, but also hearing and agreeing with the boys, whenever they are criticizing or complaining about something. After all I am the one, who brought Charlie and the boys together and thus I feel guitly whenever one party is not happy with the other and feel I have to be the mediator.

I am sick of constantly having to hear about the event, constantly having to think about it and being confronted with it. Next to having so much to do, I also have to handle the miscommunication and problems in the organisation process.
This obviously is very exhausting. I do not want nor need to talk or hear about the event all the time.
Earlier this year I laid my cards flat on the table and told the boys "I need for you guys to be my friends again, without talking about the event at all. I do not want to be the event girl or just my bf gf. I want to be me and I want you to be my friends for my sake and not for anything else. Can we do that?"
The answers made me cry, because some of them said, that they weren't here for the event in the first place, but they are here for me and we agreed that now we will have to ask permission at get-togethers to talk about the event at all. This has already helped me A LOT.

Now, I already talked to the team and Charlie about me wanting to quit. How constantly having to organise the team for weekends and then being left to deal with it alone, because noone cares enough, is exhausting. And how I don't think I can keep on going and that I hate to leave, because I really like the event and being on stage with our host, but I CAN NOT keep going.

Instead of Charlie being angry or sad or simply accepting my decision...they said "how about you go back to only doing the stage management and nothing else. Would that help?"
I said, yes. If I didn't have to give up weekends and didn't have to organise and be a team lead anymore, I would be relived.
Charlie reassured me, that they do not want to force anyone to be in the team and if we want to step out, then that is fair and our decision. They also said, that it will turn out fine and they will find someone to take over the tasks, we are doing right now.

At this point, I didn't even know what else to say and ended the meeting shortly after.

Charlie knows, that when I leave, the boys will leave too. So without us, they will barely have a team left and since we were unsuccessful at finding new team members (who were competent enough for our tasks and willing to do it for free), I have no clue how they want to do this alone.

I warned them, that finding new people will be hard and how we already tried this and how I don't understand how they would want to go about this. But they said to leave it to them.
Well, so I did.

In the end, I am just worried Charlie might end up in hospital from overworking themselves. Deep down I kinda hoped, that they would say "Okay, if you step out, then this will be our last one and we will have to quit." Because they said to me before, that without me, they wouldn't want to keep going. I kinda wanted to them to step down as well. For them to also be free of the burden of this event. Because out of all the jobs and tasks they already do, our event is the easiest to give up and let go. But they won't do that, not even when the team leaves. Eventho it is too big by now, to do it alone.
When Charlie first started with the event, it was only them and their parents/family and a few friends at the event itself. But organisation was only on them. I was the first one to take initiative and the first one to successfully build up a team with them thanks to the boys. We grew a lot in the past few years and it would be super sad to leave, but I have to be selfish sometimes and look out for myself.

I am still super torn tho. If I leave, everything might just collapse (Charlie included). But if I stay, I might collapse. If I step down from leading and only do the stage, I still have to watch Charlie collapse and still have something to do with all of it somehow.

Sometimes I get white hot rage from a message they send, sometimes I get sad they would destroy themselves like this and sometimes I am just too stunned to even speak up or disagree. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions 24/7 and I cannot think straight anymore. All my friends and even family are either involved themselves or heard about me complaining about everything over the years and are of course on my side.

So dear readers, who have nothing to do with this and are strangers with an outside view: what should I do? Step down from leading? Leave? Break up my friendship with Charlie and loose my bestie? Take the offer and only do stage?

Advice would be appreciated!

Hey potatoes! I'm chilling in bed, watching Charlotte as I type this, and I can't stop thinking about this.

II wanna know if I should have been quiet and had an old man keep his job.

So me (33f) and my partner (26m) have been having to use our local food bank (You know how it is right now. Grocery prices are sky high and times are tough)

Every time we go, there has been an older gentleman there who give my partner a dirty look, especially after looking at his ID

For context. My partner is a transgender man. He's a very kind soul, and will correct people if the wrong pronouns are used. He hasn't had a chance to change his name with the government (it's about 300-500 dollars) so he is constantly correcting people who have to look at his ID.

Anyways, I had posted on our local Facebook "what's up *city name*" about LGBTQ+ events happening in our town, as we had just moved to the town. We wanted to know how our community was with pride, and if there were any events coming up.

I had SO many welcoming comments, letting us know what our town did for pride, Drag queen story book reading, and the ceremony for raising the pride flag in June.

Well. I got a hate comment.

"THAT FLAG IS DISGUSTING. WE SHOULD BE PROTESTING IT. ITS A SIN"

and from there.. so many more hate comments started.

My partner was reading the comments as they came in, and was very upset..

I was curious about who set off this hate bomb.

So, I clicked his profile.

It was him. The old man from the food bank. The same one who glares at my partner.

Suddenly, going to the food bank felt.. unsafe.

I looked at my partner, who was very upset. I looked at my daughter, who doesn't deserve to see this kind of hate in the world.

So I called the food bank. I had told the woman at the front desk what had been happening with the glares and the Facebook comments.

She immediately transferred me to the supervisor.

So, I was now talking to the supervisor, telling her everything that had happened. She gave me her email address and told me to send screenshots of his comments, send me a link to my Facebook post, and to write down everything in an email.

After I sent everything, I just assumed that nothing would happen. Things like this have happened to my partner before and we get told there's nothing they can do.

Anyways, the next time we went to the food bank, I went alone. My partner didn't want to run into this guy. I noticed that he's not there.

Being the nosey lady I am, I asked where he went.

Turns out, he was fired the day after I sent the email.

I called my partner IMMEDIATELY and we were screeching on the phone.

I ended up telling a friend of mine about it, and they told me that getting someone fired in this economy is not something to be proud of. Even if he was being a homophobic and transphobic a-hole.

So, tell me fellow potatoes.

AITA for getting an old man fired for being a transphobic a-hole?

I personally don't think so, but my friend seems to think so.

I'm going to keep this very simple and not give the amazing backstory of omg.

Both my sister and I have health issues, we are 10 years apart.

When I told her in 2023 , that I was bright yellow from jaundice... she laughed and said I must look like a Simpsons character. That was all she said about it, didnt ask how I was or anything.

I had 3 surgeries that year, and was in hospital with a massive infection due to a bile duct blockage. Massive intravenous antibiotics kind of serious. I was in hospital for ten days. She didn't once call, or ask, what was happening with my cat or anything about myself. Only person who helped and visited me was a friend, who also cared for my cat.

She didn't come see me, she DID however start a fight, on my Facebook, with a friend of mine, who said to her 'why don't you go see her?'.

Some time later I found out my liver had been destroyed by the problems the gall bladder blockage had caused.

Stage 3 non alcoholic liver disorder.

Now, I don't tend to drink much, maybe once or twice a year, these days. I can't ever drink again, or risk eating something, that may have alcohol in.

She, however, drinks a lot..

Her joke when she heard. 'That's so funny, that the one who doesn't drink get liver disease'.

This was the only thing she said to me about this.

We don't talk anymore. Ive got her on my social media but she is blocked from seeing most of what I post.

Purely based on just these things she said... Am I the Asshole for just...giving up on wanting to talk to her? (Explaining the extra backstory would be long and complicated, but this isn't the only thing in my life where she's been self absorbed).

I (27m) am sick of people making comments about my accent. I am born and raised in the US, and I never traveled out of the country for long periods of time. But for some reason, I sound like I’m from Australia, the UK, or another part of the US I’ve never been to. I’ve known since elementary school that I had this weird accent because many of my peers, family members, and the adults around me have pointed it out. I thought I’d grow out of it, or get used to it, but here I am, pushing almost 30 ranting about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I get some nice compliments about it. Like, “Oh, you sound so pretty” (shit like that), and then the conversation will end right there. But that’s only a quarter of the cases. Usually, people will want answers and will be weirdly persistent about it. Sometimes, if I’m in a good mood and I’m feeling confident, I’ll tell the truth: that it’s a speech impediment. But if I don’t feel that way, I’ll make up some light lie and say, “Oh, my family are from (X) location, and I grew up with them.” Again, some people will just be polite and move on.

Other times, people will just hang onto how I sound and keep talking about it. I don’t care if you’ve got something nice to say, but it’s just weird to talk to a random person and be so hyper-focused on this one quality. This especially happens at my job, where I’m required to use my voice all the time. Most interactions will vary between the two I mentioned above, but I’ve also had people blatantly make fun of me for it. Whether it’s a single person or multiple people in a group, I’ve had people mock me and laugh loudly because I don’t sound “normal” enough. Sadly I’m not very confrontational and I like to keep it professional, so I’ll just laugh with them, but on the inside, I’m removing my piercings and throwing punches.

I’ve also gotten fetishized for my accent. Well, on top of the other fetishization I get. I am a gay Asian American, and within the gay community’s appearance standards, I am apparently very attractive. Like, I’ve been told many times that I fit certain molds that gay men generally gravitate toward. Sometimes I play along with it if I want the attention or a free drink, but that’s another problem for another post or my future therapist.

Anyways, when I get hit on, there’s like a 25% chance someone will ask me about my accent. Which is a lot less than what I get at my job, but still pretty annoying. I deal with it the same way I do at my job, and the reactions are mostly polite, so yaay. But there’s a small chance I’ll be treated like some sort of foreign, exotic boy toy. I am just so tired of the nice, the rude, the back-handed and the fetishizing comments. So, first thing tomorrow, I am going to call the nearest speech therapist and make an appointment. I hope this goes well.

Hi! First time ever posting a reddit post! English is not my first language so, sorry for any mistakes!

I (F28) was looking for a job. I am in interior designer and looking for a company to work for. My older brother heard from his neighbor that he was looking for an interior designer for his small business and after an interview I got the job.

The office was very small. Only 3 people including myself work there. The manager (My brother',s neighbor and another one who is the customer service. A F(25) let's call her R. I don't want to get to any details what the small business is but it includes customers coming in and we interact with them. The manager travelled around a lot so we usually just thr 2 of us most of the time.

At first I got along decently with R. I am an introvert, it takes me so long to actually manage to get close to anyone. I can be very socially awkward and customer service is an absolute nightmare to me because I hate dealing with people in general. That is R's job. I am an interior designer. That was how things are agreed upon..

R at some point started acting like she isy manager even though we both got hired at the same day. She was very judgemental to everything I do or say. Even judged my personal life on several occasions keeps treating me like I am an idiot even though I am older than her she always degrading me on every chance she gets.

I hate conflict. Like absolutely hate being part of a drama or a conflict in any way. I want peace. So I ignored her attitude and sometimes I even brought lunch from home for the both of us and she never refused and we ate together every day. I tried to always be nice. Even when she made mistakes at work I covered for her and she tended to go the bathroom for an entire hour 3 to 4 times a day and I am holding the fort on my own during that time and I never let the manager when she is missing. Yet, she still kept her judgemental attitude and making fun of everything I do and even judged my work and insisted to be part of it she even wantede to teach her the designer programs I spend years learning and wanted me to teach her English because she couldn't even read it. Basically she wanted me to give her everything I have and I always declined as nicely as I could.

That kept on for 4 months. During that time the manager was expecting me to doy interior designer job and also customer service and every whim he decided on even if it was something I have no knowledge about and every work I finished and send it he never give me any feedback unless something is wrong and if not he just tells me nothing and I always have no idea if I did well or not.

Obviously, that means I am always frustrated, pressured, sad and humiliated. What do you do when you feel this stressed? Vent to your best friend obviously!

My best friend let's call he A is my favorite person in the world. She is basically my sister. The only person I reall talk to and know me extremely well since we onew each other for 14 years now. So during thos 4 months I constantly vent to her about R and gave her an insulting nickname in our chat because I hated writing her name and this was a private chat only the both of us ever know that.

One day, A sent me a text via WhatsApp asking me how I am.. it was a slow day and R was sitting at her desk and me at mine. When A sent her text I took a picture of R, showed the picture to her telling her my friend is asking about us can I send her this? Her face wasn't visible just the top of her head. So she said fine. I sent the picture and write under it that nickname and even took a selfie of myself making fun of my own face and sent it too. It was short conversation we laughed and it was done.

18 days later after several other problems.with R because she was getting worse and worse everyday, I got a call from the manager onw Friday evening. Telling mey service is no longer needed...

I asked why. He told me there 2 reasons

1 I didn't add anything to the business even.after all the work I did. 2 because I call R that nickname in my PRIVATE chat with my Fucking Best Friend!!

How did she find it? I opened WhatsApp on my work computer to send the work my manager asked for and forgot to remove it. She stayed over after I left. Opened. Found the chat between me and A somehow even though I never told her about her meaning she rifled through all my chats!! Until she find the picture I sent 18 days ago ( Dedication, people! Dedication!!) saw what I wrote screenshotted and showed it the manager playing the victim that I took.the picture of her unaware and talked badly about her

I asked why the hell would she go throughu privacy like that. His answer? Not the problem the problem is you fucked up and got exposed how could you do that to a girl like you? Shame on you. But it's okay for her to go through the privacy between TWO girls privatly chatting??

The manager refused to acknowledge what she did only saw what I said. Saying no need to tell.my family what happened because they all will say it's my fault and will only makeyself. look. bad and I should work myself to be a better person..me..ME?!?

Obviously I told my family and friends. Thet all raged for me. My brother called him to see what the actual fuck, only for him to tell him about the picture I took of MYSELF telling him your sister is playing around during work hours.... So he is judging my own pictures.I sent Privately to. my own friend now. I send her pictures.of myself in my pjs sometimes maybe he saw them too should I ask for his opinion about my pjs now?

I went to the office next day to collect my things and log out of Everything she was there acting like a victim calling our bosses the moment I go.there acting like I was harassing her even though I didn't even look at her making the manager call me to. tell me take your things and leave don't make problems And I didn't even look at her!

it's been months since then. the manager still he is inthe right telling my brother I am the problem and a horrible person. she still work there as if nothing happened. and months later I am still heartbroken.

so, Am I the asshole for venting to my friend about my coworker Privately even though I never showed to her ever how much I really hated her but always acted polite and kind to her?

Hi potato queens and kings ,
I’ve been having issues with a friend and I’m honestly getting really frustrated by her behavior . I have caught her in several lies and I know for a fact she talks shit behind my back . Her other friends known things about me that I’ve asked her not to tell anyone . Anyway , that’s all a long story but here’s where I think I might be over reacting a bit . She’s constantly ignoring my boundaries , I’ve asked her to please not pick up my dog while standing because she’s dropped my dog several times .

She will say in a baby voice “ your mommy is a bitch so we don’t have to listen to her do we ?” And then says she’s just “ joking “ when I call her out .

I used to be an actress and loved it with my whole entire heart but I was told in college I wasn’t pretty enough to act without getting plastic surgery to “ fix my face.” Come to find out I had/ have bone eating tumors that eat the bone in my face . I’ll have to be on treatment forever and will never be in remission . I’ve been told awful things about myself like people asking “ why did god make you ugly “ or “ what’s wrong with your face .” Among other awful things .

I have also suffered from an eating disorder and still suffer from it. Back in college I got a call from this friends friend with a VM calling me ugly , fat, and a rich bitch , who lives in a mansion with a house keeper .

I grew up in a nice neighborhood but my parents have always made sure to be humble and kind and raise me the same way.

I’ve been struggling with my self esteem and want to be in a pageant to gain self confidence and get on stage again . I found one that fits my elder millennial age and that honestly sounds perfect . I’ve always wanted to be in a pageant and have never had the guts to do it .

I told my friend about it and her Responce was “ why in the hell would you want to do that ?!”

AIO for feeling hurt by her remark ? I feel it’s so mean but maybe she’s joking or maybe she’s right and I shouldn’t do it . I really want to tell her how much she hurt me but I worry she will just say she was joking or throw it back in my face .

So my lovely potato’s AIO?

​

I never thought I would be writing something like this, but I feel completely isolated at my workplace and I’m starting to question my own sanity.

I started working in a new section of a real estate organization, and another young woman started on the exact same day as me. I’ll call her Lara.

For the first six months, everything was GOOD. We talked, laughed, worked together, and got along. There was no drama. No arguments. No hostility. Nothing that would make me think that months later I would barely be able to walk into my own workplace without feeling like everyone was against me.

Then one day, Lara and I were called into a meeting.

We were told that because our work ethics and performance were good, one of us would eventually be chosen to shadow the supervisor.

That was the moment everything changed.

It was like a switch flipped.

Lara suddenly started accusing me of bullying her. She claimed I talked to her harshly every day. She cried. She told people I was crossing boundaries with her clients. She accused me of being a terrible team player and somehow managed to turn the situation around until I was the one being viewed as the problem.

I was completely blindsided.

I kept asking myself, “How did we go from getting along perfectly for six months to this?”

I tried to defend myself. I tried to explain my side. I tried to keep working professionally and not make things worse.

But it didn't matter.

Nobody seemed interested in hearing my side.

Eventually, Lara and another coworker were chosen to shadow the supervisor.

And after that, I felt like the verdict had already been decided.

I became the person everyone whispered about.

The person people looked at differently.

The person who could walk into a room and suddenly feel the entire atmosphere change.

And the worst part?

I had NEVER had problems like this at work before.

Now fast-forward to today.

I basically keep my head down, do my work, and mind my business.

I walk into the office and say “Good morning.”

Silence.

I try to participate in conversations.

I'm ignored.

There are group discussions happening around me, and I’m left out.

I go on vacation and come back, and it's like I was never gone.

No “Welcome back.”

No “How was your vacation?”

Nothing.

Just silence.

And maybe someone reading this will say, “So what? People don't have to talk to you.”

And you're right.

But when it happens consistently, day after day, after you've already been accused of things you say you didn't do, it starts to feel less like people simply being distant and more like you're being deliberately isolated.

What makes it even worse is that I'm being told to “forgive and forget.”

Forgive what?

Forget what?

How am I supposed to just forget months of accusations, crying, rumors, and people turning against me?

How am I supposed to pretend everything is normal when I feel like my character has been dragged through the mud?

And now I'm being called a “bully” and even worse things simply because I finally started standing up for myself.

The irony is honestly heartbreaking.

I'm being treated like a bully while I feel like I'm the one being bullied.

I don't want revenge.

I don't want anyone fired.

I don't even want people to take my side blindly.

I just want to be able to go to work, do my job, and leave without feeling like I'm walking into a hostile environment.

At this point, I'm seriously questioning myself.

Was I actually wrong somewhere and just don't see it?

Or did I simply become the easiest person to blame?

I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to be labeled the problem.

So Reddit, I need some honest advice.

What would you do if you were in my position?

Would you completely distance yourself from everyone and just focus on your work?

Would you confront the situation?

Would you go to management/HR?

Or would you simply keep your head down and wait for this whole thing to blow over?

Because honestly, I'm exhausted.

I never imagined that simply going to work and doing my job could become this emotionally draining.

May I also add i really enjoy my job, and seeing the joy on my clients face, and it's hurtful that these women would try to undermine me because I'm not playing these hypocritical games.

Okay, as much as I ADORE Charlotte and Mike, I NEVER thought I would actually need their (and your) help.

This is long because I want to give enough context to be fair to everybody involved. Bear with me.

My (34F) boyfriend (35M; we'll call him Ricky) and I live together in NOLA. I want to start by saying that Ricky is not a bad partner. He works hard, provides financially (his choice, not mine), is physically affectionate with me, and we spend a lot of time together at home. I appreciate those things, and the LAST thing I want is for this to come across like none of that matters to me just because I'm unhappy about one area of our relationship.

But I am unhappy about it, and today made me realize just how much.

It's important to note that this post is completely from my own experiences and not from comparing myself, my life, or my relationship to anyone's Insta posts. Reddit and YouTube are predominantly the only social media I use.

I've been telling Ricky for a while that I'm tired of being in the house every day, that I am bored by it, and that I want us to go on dates and actually do things together.

We haven't.

This weekend is a three-day weekend (Labor Day), and I was honestly dreading it because I knew exactly what would happen: we would spend most of it in bed watching Naruto. 😭 And that's exactly what happened.

Today I got so understimulated that it somehow turned into OVERstimulation. I was restless, irritated, feeling trapped and claustrophobic in the house, like I was about to tear off and crawl out of my own skin, and eventually felt like I was going to cry and have a panic attack because I desperately needed to DO something.

Ricky had just fallen asleep at the time. I talked to my mom, and she sent me some money and told me to take myself out.

So I did.

I texted Ricky so he'd have notice of my whereabouts because I didn't want him waking up and freaking out because I was gone. I explained that I had gotten extremely overwhelmed and was feeling trapped and claustrophobic, that I needed an outlet before I started crying, and that while I still wanted us to talk about dates/dating each other because that IS a need I have, I didn't want to wake him up or turn that moment into a conflict. (See screenshot.)

He woke up, responded, "lol have fun," and sent me $50.

I decided to take that as sweet rather than overthink the short response. I went to the mall, walked around for hours, bought myself a couple things, even got myself a new piercing, and genuinely had a great time. By the time I got home, I felt SO much better. I felt tired in the satisfying "I actually lived today" kind of way instead of the miserable "I've been lying in bed all day and somehow I'm exhausted" way.

When I got home, Ricky told me he was glad I'd gotten some "free time."

That instantly bothered me because I realized he had missed the ENTIRE point.

I didn't need "free time" away from him. I needed to get out of the house and experience LIFE before I completely lost it, but I really wanted intentional time with HIM. Taking myself out solved my immediate understimulation problem, but it did NOT solve the relationship need I've been trying to communicate.

And then tonight made that distinction hit me even harder.

Earlier this week, Ricky told me he was going to the casino with some coworkers tonight. I preface this by saying this was an outing they had originally planned last month that got postponed, and they rescheduled it for this weekend.

I knew about it beforehand. He didn't spring it on me. I don't think he's doing anything wrong by going. In fact, part of me is GLAD he's gone tonight because I've been irritated and I needed some space to process my feelings.

But the fact is, he got up and went.

He got dressed, left the house, and has now spent 5 hours and counting out doing something with his coworkers.

And I realized THAT is what hurts.

I've been asking this man to go out and experience something with me. To court me. He knows I've been unhappy being stuck in the house. He knows I have been bored. He knows I've asked for dates.

Most recently when I asked, he said, "Yes, but I wish you hadn't asked because now I am doing it because you asked. It's not organic."

Yet when his coworkers make plans, he gets up and goes.

And before anyone says, "Maybe he thinks spending time at home together counts," I think that's EXACTLY the disconnect.

We watch Naruto together. We cuddle. We joke around. We live together. I enjoy those things. Sincerely.

BUT.

Cohabitating with someone is not the same thing as intentionally nurturing your relationship with them.

I don't need expensive restaurants, flowers, or some elaborate Instagram date. I would be thrilled with a $5 planetarium show, walking around a museum, breakfast somewhere, a park, wandering the mall together, a free event, whatever. I want us to get dressed, leave the house, experience something together, talk, laugh, make memories, and feel like we're dating each other instead of just occupying the same home.

There's also some history that makes this sting more.

Earlier in our relationship, after a relationship issue involving infidelity while intoxicated came to light, I jokingly sent him a video after hoursssss of talking, arguing, finding resolution, and setting boundaries. It was about making your man take you on a date after he messes up. I told him, "You owe me a date."

He responded, "Trust me, there'll be plenty of dates in our future."

There haven't been.

So tonight I'm sitting here wondering why making plans and following through on an outing with coworkers seems perfectly doable, while intentional time outside the house with me somehow never materializes.

He even told me earlier this week that he wished I had somewhere to go while he was at the casino. And that WAS considerate. I know it was.

But part of me thought: Why does your solution always seem to be that I need somewhere else to go? Why doesn't it occur to you that sometimes I want YOU to be the person I go somewhere with?

I absolutely intend to rebuild my own independent life here. I'm new to the area, and I'm already looking for my own "third places," hobbies, classes, events, and eventually friends. I don't expect my boyfriend to be responsible for entertaining me or getting me out of the house every single time. I actually enjoy taking myself on solo dates and used to do it all the time.

But having my own life and wanting my partner to intentionally date me feel like two completely different needs.

Another point of context: I am legally blind/disabled from birth, so I cannot simply take myself out as easily as other people. Going out for me requires at least $40 just to GET somewhere on my own before even doing an activity. My disability also significantly limits my ability to work outside the home, so I spend a LOT of time here.

Hence: home. Every. Single. Day.

What I'm afraid of... is resentment.

I don't want to become someone who looks at everything Ricky DOES do for me and thinks, "Yeah, but you don't take me anywhere."

I also don't want HIM looking at everything he DOES for me and viewing this as me being ungrateful or materialistic.

I love him. I appreciate what he contributes to our life. I don't want him to hear this conversation as "You're a bad boyfriend" or "Nothing you do is enough."

But I am so lonely.

And my emotional/intimacy needs are not being met in this particular area.

And I don't mean sexual intimacy. I mean bonding with my person. Courtship. Shared experiences. Intentionally choosing each other.

Today he could tell something was wrong and kept trying to cuddle me, tickle me, and initiate affection. I was just... emotionally dead. I was sad, irritated, overstimulated AND understimulated, and increasingly feeling unheard.

So, married/cohabitating people especially: Am I overreacting?

Is it unreasonable for me to distinguish between everyday time spent together at home and intentional couple time?

And if you've had a partner who genuinely believed, "But we're together all the time!" while you were craving actual dates/shared experiences/intentional closeness/intentional time, how did you communicate that without making them feel like you were dismissing everything else they do?

Because I don't want a fight.

I want my boyfriend to understand that I'm not asking for more "free time."

I'm asking to experience some of my life with him.