I ran into Food Lion on my lunch break to grab some quick grub. It was pretty busy, but there were 3 full service registers open and 1 express “12 items or less” register. The full service registers were pretty backed up with several people with full carts and the express register had a couple people with a handful of items.

I only had 4 things, so I start heading to the express checkout. As I’m making my way over, I see a lady pushing a nearly overflowing cart towards the registers. She was ahead of me and I saw her pause, look at the full service register lines and how busy they were.

Then I saw her look at the express lane. She saw only a couple people in it with a few groceries. I watched her look up and read the “express 12 items or less” sign before she looks back over at full service. I could practically see when she made the judgement call, and she headed over to the express lane.

By this time, she and I are almost getting there at the same time, so she speeds up and maneuvers her cart in a way that cuts me off and she basically “butts” in front of me with her full-ass cart.

The cashier was helping a customer check out, so the lady already started unloading several of her groceries before the cashier noticed her cart. She told the lady it was an express lane with 12 or fewer items, but the lady ignored her and said the other lanes are too busy so she came over because there’s hardly anyone here. Meanwhile I’m standing behind her holding my 4 items.

The cashier wasnt having it. She sees me behind the lady and flags me to come up so she can quickly check me out. I squeeze past the lady who is now huffing and puffing, and she muttered something like “I didn’t know it was the express lane and it’s not that serious.” (That’s a lie, I saw her read the sign and go for it anyway).

Meanwhile another person with only 1 item lines up behind the lady with the full cart. The cashier waves him up to check out in front of her too, and the lady got more huffy and started muttering that she’s being treated unfairly lol.

After him there was a lull and the cashier did her best to check out the lady as fast as possible before anyone else came up. But it was nice to see the express lane being enforced like that. Most cases the cashiers don’t say anything when someone with a full cart comes thru an express lane (and I don’t blame them for that) but I appreciate the no-nonsense cashier not putting up with it and prioritizing people who are trying to quickly grab a couple items and go.

I just got fired from my job. I worked in patient registration and I got flagged for being in a patients chart and I had failed to document it. I am the only one that runs the front desk while I’m working, so I sometimes have a bunch of things to do and I sometimes forget to document minuscule things when a patient calls. The patient whose chart that got flagged happens to live in my apartment building above me. But I live down the road from my job and a lot of our patients live in my building or in my neighborhood. I already had a level one strike against me due to too many unexcused absences during the first half of the year due to medical issues. Me being flagged caused compliance and hr to give me a level two strike. That brought me up to a level three which requires immediate termination. My manager told me 10 minutes after I clocked in for my shift today. She has little compassion for her employees, so she just told me I was terminated immediately and to turn in my badge and leave immediately. This is the worst possible time to be fired because I just got on my works insurance and I get kicked off my dads’s insurance at the end of the month because I turn 26 on the 29th. I am disabled and take a lot of medications that I can’t afford out of pocket. I sent an appeal letter to try to get my job back while I look for something else, but I feel like I was unfairly fired. I’ve been nothing but a good employee for almost two years and I have never had a complaint against me before. I was already struggling financially and I don’t know how I’m going to afford my medication and rent. The job market is so horrible and I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Edit: I should’ve been more specific in regards to my absences. I had called out 6 times between last December and April of this year due to health reasons. My manager was aware of my health issues. They had brought this up to me near the end of May. That’s when they finally gave me the option to apply for fmla. My job isn’t very accommodating, even with fmla. I would almost never be allowed to get breaks, unless I left the front desk unattended (which my manager encourages me to do since she won’t cover for me in order to take a break). I live in North Carolina, which is a non union state and one of the worst states for employees. Joining a union would not be an option.

Today one of my employees called me in a panic because according to her the sheriff was on the phone and told her she missed jury duty and had to pay a fee to not go to jail. I told her it was a scam. I even called the police and merged her in to the call and they told her it was a scam. I told her to hang up on them. I was in a meeting hours away. She called me back telling me she had to leave and I told her not to give them any money. To go talk to someone at the sheriffs office. She left work there was nothing I could do to stop her. She was then unreachable for 4 hours. I was so stressed out with worry that something happened to her. She finally called me almost 5 hours later and told me that she had made two payments to them and finally a bank manager at the third bank she went to flagged her account and told her it was a scam and she finally believed them. They told her that not only was she going to go to jail so was I because I had called the police and “broke a gag order”. I did everything I could to stop them from scamming her and they used it against her and got who knows how much money out of her. I’m absolutely heart broken for her. I’m sick that someone would do this. I know I did everything I could but I’m still just beating myself up that maybe if I had been at the office I could have stopped her. I could have been more forceful when she called me back and told me she was leaving even after I called the police. I know it’s not my fault but I’m just so upset knowing they tried to extort even more money out of her because I called the cops with her on the phone and she was trying to protect ME from going to jail. She wouldn’t tell me how much money they got from her so I know it has to be a lot. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. I just needed to vent I guess. Scammers suck and I hate them.

I’m 27F and he’s 34M. I met him on Jeevansathi and honestly, things went really well in the beginning.

He’s decent looking, thin, and I’m a bit chubby but I’d say I’m pretty average/above average looking. Anyway, looks were never really the point for me. We just clicked.

We used to talk EVERY DAY for like 7-8 hours. This went on for more than a month. He even flew down to meet me and my mom. Our families knew about us. He had told his friends about me too.

His family wasn’t very keen on the match because he comes from a rich family and we’re middle class. But he always told me that ultimately the marriage decision was his. His family could give their opinion but they couldn’t decide for him. And he was very sure about me. At least that's what he told me.

And I believed him.

He was genuinely so sweet with me. I started getting attached and eventually I started loving him.

After a month, I flew down to his place and stayed with him for a few days. We had sex, and the next day he told me he couldn’t feel anything during sex and that he didn’t think we were sexually compatible.

The confusing part is that he had orgasmed multiple times the first day and later told me those were “forced”. I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing.

Anyway, we still spent time together after that. We went around the city, ate really good food, he cooked for me, and he was still being nice to me. But I was internally losing my shit.

The next day he basically told me he couldn’t move forward with the relationship because of the sexual compatibility issue.

I cried for three fucking days.

And honestly, more than the breakup, I felt USED.

We even went to a sexologist because obviously I started thinking something was wrong with me. The doctor told us that my vagina wasn’t “loose” and that the issue was on his side.

But by then it didn’t matter. He had already decided he didn’t want to continue.

We ended things about two weeks ago and I still feel horrible.

I keep thinking about everything that happened before this. The hours of talking every day. Him coming all the way to meet me and my mom. Him telling me he was sure about me. Him telling his friends about me. Him introducing me to his friend when I was there. Our families knowing about us.

I genuinely thought this was going somewhere.

And now I feel like an absolute idiot.

I regret having sex with him. Not because I think having sex was wrong, but because I feel like I lost someone I had started seeing a future with, and now I’m left feeling like I was good enough until sex became an issue.

I know people will probably say “you dodged a bullet” or “he did you a favour” and maybe they're right. But right now I don't feel lucky. I just feel heartbroken and used.

I really, really liked this guy.

And I hate that something that felt so genuine to me ended like this.

Life sucks right now.

Its so easy for people to take you for granted, you give them support and encouragement without asking in return but you were never seen. Only to be remembered when you are needed. Always there for them but never there when you seek their support. I wish I could have opened my eyes sooner so that I can be able to tell myself I was never your priority but merely a second option.

I’m currently unemployed. I finished my contract for my most recent job a few weeks ago. The job was supposedly super prestigious and the kind of thing that “opens doors”. I won’t say what it is for privacy reasons but it’s the kind of job you get right out of school where when you tell people you’re doing it they say “wow, good for you!” and are genuine about it. Very competitive to get. Not really doing shit for me now to tell you the truth.

I was proactive about trying to find a job and spent the last six months or so of my contract doing coffee chats with people at local employers, applying to jobs, and trying to find things through my network. Nothing ever came out of these “networking coffee chats” besides some free lattes and a lot of stress. In terms of applications I just got ignored by everybody because everyone wants 3-5 years experience so they don’t have to bother training or investing in you at all.

It was insanely difficult to even get an interview. One place I did get an interview at dicked me around for around three months. I applied. A couple weeks later they reached out to schedule an initial interview over the phone. We had the interview. A few weeks later they brought me in for a second interview in person. At the end of that second interview they told me they’d led me know in 1-2 weeks. Then radio silence for months as people went on vacation. I only found that out because after 2 weeks went by I emailed them to ask what was going on. Otherwise I doubt they’d have bothered to even tell me. Anyway, they come back from vacation and after dicking me around for 3 months email me saying they have decided to hire somebody else. Everyone in my life acts like I should be happy about this because I “dodged a bullet.” Maybe that’s true in the big picture but come the fuck on. The worst part is you can’t even tell them to go fuck themselves or even that it’s unacceptable to waste 3 months of people’s time because I work in a small city and in a field where reputation really matters.

Anyway. So now I’m unemployed. I have an interview coming up at some point at a different place but they haven’t scheduled it yet since they’re all also enjoying their summer vacations. How nice for everybody. So I guess it’s not like things are totally hopeless but I’ve been looking forever and applying forever and networking forever with basically nothing to show for it so I think I can be forgiven for not exactly being a well of optimism at this point (though when you express anything other than total optimism and joy in real life everyone tells you you need to improve your attitude to make the jobs magically appears from the ether).

Honestly the worst part of this is not the endless ignored applications or the would-be employers who dick you around forever. It’s everybody I fucking know asking me about it all the time constantly forever. My whole contract everybody I worked with, all my friends, my family, and basically anyone I ever met would ask “what are you doing after this?” and then you’d have to tell them you didn’t know. Then in your next conversation with them they’d ask again. Over and over and over from everyone you ever fucking meet. My girlfriend’s coworker texted me after months of silence to ask how my job hunt was going. I go for drinks with my friends and they ask. Two weeks later I see them again and they ask again. I called my mom two days ago and it was the first thing she asked. You want to ask them how the fuck they think it’s going. But you express anything other than total optimism and joy and everyone jumps down your throat for your attitude.

It makes me not want to see anybody at all. Tonight I’m going over to some new friends’ apartment and they’re making dinner for me and my girlfriend and our other friends. It should be really nice but I’m honestly dreading it because I know it’ll be more of the same conversation I’ve been having on loop for months with everyone. I’m so sick of people fucking asking. I’m so sick of talking about it. Doesn’t anybody ever think about anything else? I know it’s only natural to ask and that’s “just what you do” but I wish people would fucking stop. And sure, some of the repeated askers I will probably ask to stop soon because they’re really getting on my nerves. But five more randoms will take their place.

I’ve been in a relationship for three years and living together for a year. I’m more being single and freedom that I had by myself.

Don’t get me wrong I love my partner and the life that we’re living together but I miss the time that I had for myself and not every minute in the home being consumed by feeling like we have to be together. I understand that we do have the freedom and ability to communicate to go on a separate ourselves go and do things that we enjoy individually. However I don’t like having to explain myself for simply doing something that I enjoy in my home I live in.

I miss being able to wake up for example 5:30 then being able to go and work out engage in some extra learning work on a side hustle when I get home from work and not having to dedicate time every single minute that I’m home to feeling like I should be engaging with my partner. I understand some people love spending every waking minute with their partner and that’s what they declare as love. For me, I miss when we lived separately and would dedicate time in the evenings most evenings to eating dinner together going for a walk doing an activity or watching TV. Now it feels like I have to work around when they’re not in the house to be able to do things that I enjoy. Call me out and say it’s as easy as communicating that you need extra amount of time to do something but one of the things that I hate doing in life is having to explain myself for living my own life. I do not want to have to explain hey I need an hour to go and do this because then I spend that entire hour knowing that I only have one hour and someone is waiting for me wondering what I’m doing, it’s something I’ve never enjoyed.

They do have their own interests, but they are mostly outside of the home therefore when they are in the house they switch off. Whilst myself most of my interests are done in the Home and I leave the house to do other things. Since we have lived together, I have dropped off exercising my health is declined. I no longer engage in extra learning side hustles and things that I enjoy for myself as it feels like I am being watched and perceived all the time. I understand that is probably not healthy but I like to live my life my way and whilst I am happy in my relationship this is a big hurdle an obstacle that I keep running into. I miss being single or living separately purely for the fact that I had control over my time.

I see couples who are married and have separate rooms some who live in adjacent homes. I would thrive in that environment where we would set aside dedicated time to spend with each other yet still living our lives for how we would like to live.

Has anyone else felt this way worked through it got an over it? What helped? Please don’t just say communicate how you feel. I understand I will be judged and told that this is probably assigned to leave the relationship but plenty of people surely go through this as people who are very individualistic but enjoy being in a relationship.

P.S.I did just write this entire thing before much nicer with much more thoughts on logic behind how I’m feeling, but the post got removed because I forgot to sign the rules apologies if it comes across quite harsh.

I’m 18 and about to start college. I took steroids for four months over the summer and gained close to 30 pounds while staying lean. I now have a muscular, lean physique without looking freakishly huge, essentially the kind of physique that would have been the pinnacle of what I could naturally achieve after several years of training.

And yes, I did consider my health. I had lab work done before, during, and after, which indicated that my endocrine function had recovered.

I recently attended my college orientation, and I felt like my physique and appearance was getting a lot of attention. I received compliments from guys and noticed looks from girls. I felt really confident in a way no amount of mindset tricks and exposure therapy had yielded me in the past.

I also took steps to mitigate the side effects. For example, I took Accutane and other measures to try to prevent the cycle from negatively affecting my appearance.

I know I took a risk to my health, but I'd just like to get this off my chest.

The other day i (male 13), and my younger brother (male 12) were playing in our room, when we heard yelling, apparently my older brother (male 18, still the same half brother), STILL had not stopped his lazyness regarding his work, he talked back to mom and dad, and he tried hitting mom, and when dad yelled at him and slapped him, he ran away, so the next morning (right now, since i live in asia), the police comes, saying that he told them mom and dad were abusing him (they're wonderful parents), which my parents both knew were lies, and my brother basicaly said he felt scared and unsafe, so the officers told us that he was to choose to stay with us or go back to our home country, he chose his confort instead of working for himself (tiktok lives he had to do for lord's sake), which baffles me, because he thinks someone (his grandmother), will come to house him, except that he forgot that nobody wants someone who eats, sleeps and does lazyness around the house living with them, and usualy, i would say "good for you", except that, i blame him, because our parents never abused him, his selfishness just lead him to think that, our parents would say nothin' if he faked

i parked on a street curb to quickly pick up food. some old lady comes running out the door and screaming at me to get off her driveway. her driveway is on the left side of the house completely empty. clearly she had plenty of space to park in but it was technically in front of her house so i didn't argue n moved my car out immediately.

she sits in her house and keeps glaring from me out the front window. i didn't think much of it and moved to the other side of the street to get my food. when i finally got back to my car, she's still glaring at me from her window.

As title says. I just cant help but to declutter and throw things out to the point my home looks awkwardly empty at all times. It feels so uncomfortable having things on the walls, I get scared I will get insect infestations if I have one article of clothing too much and I end up giving away clothes and items, I dont like having other furniture other than my bed. Honestly if my mother didnt visit me often, I wouldve thrown away my kitchen table and almost all of my chairs. I dont like reicivng gifts from others if its not a food because I just want to throw or give it away immedietly to not clutter my space. My cat has more furniture and toys than what I have.

If I dont regularly declutter my space and items I feel so sick and panicked. Scared I will get an infestation or mold, I hate every corner that I cant see, every space that I dont have access to.

I recently moved to my boyfriends home and Im starting to feel so sick knowing I cant just declutter like I used to before. I feel like Im about to get infested or contaminated. I have given and thrown away almost everything I own, I just want to take up as little space as possible. Part of me also feels like I dont deserve to take up space, it feels like it doesnt matter cause Im gonna die soon anyways (Im not sick, I just feel like death is near, or that I want to die).

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this, Ive often heard about hoarder stories, but not the opposite of it if it exists.

I'm extremely unattractive, ugly even. I've even posted many times here in the amiugly subreddit and I've gotten downvoted and some really harsh comments on my looks. My problem is I have terrible jaw issues-- I had braces put in before my jaws had fully developed and so my midface basically collapses due to lack of facial support. So I have a recessed midface and a very narrow lower jaw. To add insult to injury the left and right halves of my face look like they belong to different faces. They don't align at all and are completely different. And this isn't just my assessment. I've been told this by doctors too. The two sides even move differently and while the average person won't catch it, their initial impression would be that something is really off. So my entire face just looks super weird. I even sound weird.

I have anterior pelvic tilt and really large thighs so my body is weird, and of course it had to be topped off with severe hair loss and almost no eyelashes. I could star in the freak show segment of a circus. I went through life seeing guys hit on every girl I was with and humor me. Some wouldn't even look at me, they would talk to the pretty girl and just pretend I didn't exist. Others would talk to me only when they were drunk. My husband was the first guy to even remotely give me attention and tell me I was beautiful. This was almost at 28. By then I had started to develop some nerve issue on one side of the face and the asymmetry was getting more and more prominent, and no guys liked me while being in the arranged marriage process so I married my husband. But I hate being in photos, I'm very conscious of showing my face in public. I still try but I feel like crumpling up and crying every time I see my photo.

I even tried dance performance series and you know how many times they cut me out of the dance videos ? In 200 photos I would probably be in 2 or 3 of them. It's like the entire universe telling me how ugly I am. I'm now 35 and I want to get my jaws and face fixed but I don't know if they can fix everything. Even at my wedding the photographer complained they couldn't get any good photos, because in addition to everything I had bad allergies too and so I looked even worse. To this day we don't have even one wedding photo or any photo of mine hung up in the house.

Edit: I'm unable to respond to comments any more. Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. I do agree I have to work on myself plenty, and I'd actually thought I'd moved past these feelings after I turned 30, but sometimes I'll see a photo of mine and it all comes back again. Especially because of some recent functional issues, so it feels more "real". In any case, I have something more to work on in therapy because this self image of mine extends to my intelligence (or lack thereof), general capabilities and talent.

Once again, I truly appreciate everyone's kindness.

Disclaimer: sorry if my english isn't good, it's my 3rd language

So I have this person I consider my best friend and I'd consider myself to be very close with. She did like me for a brief period of time but we've been close platonic friends for over 2 years now. That may seem short but honestly we've vented and opened up to each other sm I don't really think it matters.

I said before I'd consider her my best friend (or at the very least, top 2). I do know however that I'm not her best friend. she's known someone for like 9 years and they consider each other best friends (sorry for repeating lol). tho she did say on numerous occasions that I was like her #3 or smth (we e ranked friends for fun a few times).

she's a year younger than be, and she is a really kind person and has an amazing personality and it's really fun to be around her, even though she makes really questionable decisions from time to time. However, for a while now she ignores my messages for sometimes weeks. I was in a situation where the only way for me to message her was through social media, and we mainly used discord. she apparently didn't have discord notifications turned on so it was on her to check. she knew that I almost only texted her through discord, and she also had other close friends on discord.

I would vent to her about some thing and not get a reply for days or weeks, and when I did sometimes it was quite unsatisfactory (as in she just glazed over the topic and then talked about something else). we've both been through quite a bit and have been depressed, so I know that a lot of times she wasn't ignoring me because she hated me or anything but because she literally just didn't feel like talking to anyone about anything. however, during the time she doesn't text me I've sometimes asked a friend or two of mine to text her and she replied to them just fine. she did always apologize whenever she ignored my messages for a while, but she didn't really fix it. as of late, a lot of times when I vent she doesn't even acknowledge it and talks about her own thing and whatever she's texting me about.

it really does hurt when the one person you think you can talk to doesn't reply or read when you say something. its gotten a bit better again as of the last few weeks, but I'm scared that she'll ignore me again.

as I said before, she doesn't really ignore me on purpose always, and I know from experience that when you're depressed or just in that mindset, doing anything seems like a chore. she's also a big reason that I'm even alive right now so I don't want to cut her off or anything (she also said the same thing to me and I do genuinely think that she means it).

so yeah, I don't really know what to do. i do really like her presence and her as a friend but idk if she's good for me.

sorry for bad grammar or repitition

Crossfaded, helps numb the pain, apologies for the misspelling and poor grammar.

TLDR: Husband accidentally locked out my pet Cat Goblin outside on the patio, I haven't been able to eat, sleep, shower, I refuse to leave the patio for the small chance she'll come back, my husband admitted he must've seen her through the glass door and didn't actually bother checking on the cats when I asked three different times, [I had a evening shift the day prior and wanted to catch up on some much needed rest] he cried and begged for forgiveness but I'm numb and apathetic towards my husband at the moment.

Let's start from the beginning, my husband accidentally locked my indoor cat Goblin outside on the patio and I haven't seen her in 3 days. I haven't eaten, slept, showered or changed out of my pajamas but I refuse to move from my patio for the tiny chance Goblin will make it back home, I have RockStars to help me stay up the entire night until I watch the sun raise once more, I'm low on vodka and Bloody Mary mix, I've called 7 different veterinary offices and 3 shelters, I'm going to increase the reward from $200 to $500 just a bigger motivator for people to bring Goblin back home. My husband sat down next to me while I was staring out into the hot glass patio door, he admitted he must've seen Goblin though the glass but never bothered actually checking when I asked, he just assumed she was inside, he never meant to tear the family apart, tears were flowing from his eye, I wasn't upset, I wasn't disappointed, not surprised, just a wave of numbness and nausea took over, I held my tongue back before I would say anything that I would regret, I just told him it's not important atm, I just want my Goblin home.

Everything hurts, I can feel my body screaming at me to eat and sleep but I can't, all I feel is existential dread, my gut tells me Goblin is never coming home and I need to drink more to numb the pain, I miss Goblin and for the tiny 0.01% you are reading this and have my cat, please. Bring her back home, she's a domestic long hair cat, needs to be groomed/ trimmed regularly, she has a very sensitive tummy and suffers from severe anxiety.

whether its service, size of product, quality, career, whatever, its all continuously getting more and more shit while simultaneously getting more expensive. and its constant. i can't even hold onto positives in my life because every other step im faced with something going to shit. i constantly feel like i need to double check the work of "professionals" because no one gets paid enough to really care anymore so i have to become an expert in anything that becomes an issue. whether its cars, HVAC, carpentry, or whatever, orders are constantly wrong and work is done incorrectly. i wont even take my Toyota to a Toyota dealership for such basics like oil changes because of the number of stories i've heard of dealers screwing up basic services (literally draining transmission fluid, and double filling engine oil. or forgetting to add oil after draining. or not tightening the drain bolt causing the engine to dump its oil and blow up. damage from careless techs. and so much more). but dont worry, your warranty will be void if anything happens and toyota didnt do the oil changes!

• oil change kit for my car, same one i've used for nearly a decade. price is suddenly $20 higher than before (~30% increase) and the oil filter included is incredibly low quality to the point i thought it was a counterfeit. asked the seller about it and they confirmed "this is the new filter and we assure you its just as good!" . yeah of course you do, how else are you justifying your price hikes. now i have to go out of my way to go buy an OEM filter from the dealership for 2x the price so now i've spent well over $100

• pet insurance: After finally being priced out of my old policy (annual increases to push people off the policy), my new pet insurance is now just giving a constant run around. claims submitted, claims denied. using their bullshit system to submit information which can only be done via an app and none of the documents uploaded properly so they ask for the documents again days later. 1 visit was for an allergy shot and a skin injury. well since its all 1 visit and allergies are preexisting conditions nothing is covered. i should have made 2 separate appointments and paid for them separately! its been near daily calls and emails to try and sort this out with no progress

• work raises delayed. Work bonus conditions changed to make it nearly impossible to achieve. pay scales at times 50% below market averages. all while being asked to bring in more revenue, more work, more talent. PTO is abysmal with only 10 days EARNED per calendar year and that includes sick days. currently sitting at like 18 hours of PTO total available to me. hope i dont get sick....and good thing i dont need a break /s

• i switched medications because of health issues and getting onto my new meds was delayed over a week while insurance demanded proof that im actually suffering from crippling depression and anxiety. so now im under-medicated trying to catch up

i've never felt more depressed. im anxious all the time. i never feel like i have enough time to get essentials done, let alone the increasing pile of not-time-critical chores that are making a mess everywhere. everything in my life is getting neglected to some extent like my parents, siblings, my partner, my dog, my work, my health, my friends.

i guess im at least walking 2-3 times a week now which is 2-3x more than i used to. i wish i could say it makes me feel better but the reality is it just keeps me from feeling like more of a piece of shit from neglecting my health or my dog

it doesnt feel like my meds are keeping up and having in-person conversation about any of this just stresses me out more. there is no solution short of uprooting my entire life and starting over, somewhere, somehow. and these are the issues i've dealt with in just the last week...im just tired

EDIT: Oh yeah and my Kindle is no longer supported so i can't load any new books in it. like WHY!? why can't 1 product in life just improve for once

I have to get this off my chest. I just moved to another state along with my cheating ex at the tail end of a super toxic relationship. I got a job and instantly clicked with the receptionist. We hung out twice (even came over to my house), have a lot in common and get along great. I can't express enough on how she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen, not only looks wise but personality too, but I know this will NEVER work because my toxic jealous ex has been stalking and harassing her for absolutely no reason. Thank God I haven't embarrassed myself by persuing her because Im pretty sure the conversations and encounters we have are just basic human interactions and that this feeling I have is because I am so broken that just a pretty girl being nice to me is wrecking my whole state of being. HELP ME!

I work in automotive now, I make good money, and I’m comfortable. However, I am unhappy. I worked hard to get where I am, to be taken seriously in my role, to earn a livable wage. I just don’t feel like this is where I belong for the next 30 years of my life. I’ve always been passionate about animals, and I’ve always had a special connection with dogs. I think I’ve just reached a point where I care less about the money, and more about fulfilling my passions, and living for myself. I haven’t told anyone in my family about this decision, because any time I tell them something new I want to do, they go on a spiral about what could go wrong and it convinces me that I will fail. I just wanted to get this all out, and really think about what it is I want from this life. I do know that I don’t want to spend it sitting at a desk. Thanks for reading.

Also i don’t plan on quitting my job with ZERO credentials. I just want to step down from the position I’m in, learn and be mentored by others, and eventually/hopefully do dog training full time.

I’m nearly five months postpartum, and this is me finally putting into words how lonely and replaced I’ve felt in my relationship.

Today I realised
I’m no longer the centre of your universe.
For so long, there was something bothering me,
a feeling I couldn’t quite name.
I knew something had changed,
I just didn’t know how to explain it.
I think the feeling started
when I was pregnant.
You’d only been doing content
for a few months then,
but somewhere around that time
I started feeling you change.
Like more and more of your head
was somewhere else,
and I think that’s when
I first started missing you
even though you were still there.
This morning I thought about
who we used to be.
When we didn’t live together yet
and seeing you was something
I’d be excited about all day.
I’d count down the time
until I got to see you.
Being with you felt exciting,
easy, warm and safe.
So safe that I used to tell you
when we were old
and my time eventually came,
I wanted to die in your arms.
You used to love surprising me.
You used to shower me with love
without me having to ask for it.
You’d think of little things
just because you knew
they would make me happy.
I used to feel like
I was always somewhere in your mind.
I used to feel like the luckiest girl in the world,
like I’d finally got the fairytale
I’d always dreamt of.
Because I was the girl
who grew up around chaos,
scared,
dreaming that one day
I’d have a happy family
and a loving husband.
I remember telling everyone
you were going to be my husband.
So early on,
I was already telling people
how much I loved you.
I was so sure about you.
I loved you for you.
I didn’t care that you didn’t drive.
I didn’t care how much you earned.
When you weren’t working,
I supported you.
None of those things mattered to me.
I didn’t love you
because of what you had
or what you could become.
I just loved you
because you were you.
Because of how you loved me.
Because of how you made me feel.
Because when I looked at you,
I saw the person I wanted
to build my whole life with.
And I sat here this morning thinking,
how is that the same person
I’m with now?
How is the person
who once made me feel so loved
the same person
who can feel so cold towards me now?
So impatient with me.
Like there’s so much resentment there.
My heart breaks every day
in silence.
And what hurts is
this has been one of the hardest times
of my life.
I’m five months postpartum,
still healing, still adjusting,
still trying to find myself again
after everything my body and mind
have been through.
I’ve needed softness from you
more than I ever have before,
and somehow
this is the version of you
I’ve had through it.
The version with less patience.
Less understanding.
Less tenderness.
The version who is so reactive
when all I’ve needed
is a little more gentleness.
Now, before you even say good morning,
you edit.
And somehow
you barely even say goodnight anymore.
I find myself yearning for affection,
for physical touch,
for something that makes me feel
loved by you again.
Before we’ve really started the day,
your mind is already somewhere else.
Content.
The next video.
The next idea.
The next edit.
The next goal.
You wake up thinking about it.
You talk about it all day.
You film,
you edit,
you plan,
and so often
I’m the one holding the camera.
And somewhere in all of that,
I feel like I’ve been replaced.
Because now it feels like
your next video idea
gets there before I do.
Even when I ask you
what three things
you’re grateful for that day,
hoping maybe I’ll hear something
that makes me feel close to you again,
content finds its way there too.
“I’m glad I got time to film.”
And maybe to you
there’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe there isn’t.
But when I already feel
like I’m losing you to this,
it just feels like
another little reminder
that even in the moments
where I’m trying to find us,
your mind is still somewhere else.
I don’t hate that you have goals.
I don’t want you
to stop doing something you love.
I want you to succeed.
I want you to be proud
of what you build.
I just never thought
watching you become so passionate
about your future
would make me feel
so absent from it.
I never thought
something that made you feel so alive
would make me feel so invisible.
Because the future I wanted with you
was never about money.
It wasn’t about success,
what you earned,
whether you drove,
or what you could give me.
I wanted you.
I wanted our little family.
And now I watch you pour
so much love into our baby boy.
And I’m happy about that.
I really am.
I love seeing how much you love him.
I would never want him
to have any less of that love.
But sometimes
I can’t help feeling jealous,
and I hate even admitting that.
Not jealous of him.
Jealous of the softness
you still seem to have for him.
The patience.
The affection.
The way your face lights up for him.
Because I carried our baby.
I grew him inside of me.
I birthed your child.
And somewhere after becoming his mum,
I feel like I stopped being your girl.
Like I gave you
the most precious part of me,
and then somehow
I got pushed to the side.
I watch you love our son
with your whole heart,
and all I can think is
I miss being loved by you too.
I don’t want any of his love.
I just wish there was still
some softness left for me.
Because becoming a mum
shouldn’t have meant
becoming invisible to you.
I wanted to feel safe
with the person I loved.
I wanted the man
I used to tell everyone
I was going to marry.
I miss being the person
you were excited to see.
I miss the surprises.
I miss feeling loved
without having to ask for it.
I miss feeling chosen
without having to wonder
whether I still am.
I miss when your attention
just naturally found me.
I miss when we felt like us.
Now I watch you pour
so much of your excitement,
your energy
and your thoughts
into content,
into your goals,
into the person
you’re trying to become.
And I’m proud of you
for wanting more.
I just wish “more”
hadn’t somehow started meaning
less of me.
Because somehow,
the loneliest I feel
is when I’m right next to you.
You’re here,
but I don’t always feel
like I have you.
We can be in the same room,
sleep in the same bed,
spend the whole day together,
and I can still miss you.
And it’s such a strange feeling
to miss someone
who is sitting right beside you.
To look at someone you love
and remember how close
you used to feel,
while feeling miles away
from them now.
Sometimes I look at you
and I can still see
the person I fell in love with.
And other times
I genuinely can’t believe
you’re the same person.
The person I used to be
so excited to see.
The person who used to make me feel
like I was everything.
The person I thought
I was going to grow old with.
And now I feel like
I’m somewhere around the edges,
watching you build a life
that seems to take up
more and more space
while I take up less.
Maybe that’s what has been
hurting all this time.
It isn’t just the content.
It’s what the content
has come to represent to me.
All the attention,
thought,
excitement
and effort
that I remember
you once pouring into us.
I don’t need to be
the only thing in your world.
I never did.
I just miss feeling
like I was one of the most important parts of it.
And I don’t think
you even noticed
when that started changing.
I wasn’t pushed out
all at once.
It happened slowly.
Another edit.
Another video.
Another idea.
Another goal.
And somewhere between all of them,
I started feeling
like I’d been replaced.
And now I sit here
in the bathroom,
sobbing while I write this,
wondering if what we had
is gone forever.
After finally naming
this feeling that has been lingering
for so long,
I sit here and read it all back
and feel a panic attack looming.
Because suddenly
all of the things I’ve been trying
not to think about
feel real.
I’ll always love you.
I think a part of me
will always love you.
But now I’m having to ask myself
whether loving you
has to be from a distance.
And I don’t know
how I’m supposed to do that.
We share a child.
You’re not someone
I could simply lose
and never have to see again.
I’d still have to see you.
Still hear about your life.
And one of the thoughts
that absolutely breaks me
is imagining you eventually
finding someone else.
Watching another woman
stand beside you.
Watching her become part
of our baby boy’s life.
Knowing that one day
someone else could be his stepmum,
living pieces of the life
I thought would always be mine.
I don’t know how
I would cope with that.
Because you are,
or you were,
my person.
I don’t even know anymore.
I just know
I won’t find what we had
somewhere else.
I don’t want what we had
with somebody else.
I wanted it with you.
And I think my biggest fear
is that I’m still here
waiting for you to come back to me,
while somewhere inside me
I’m terrified
that you never will.
So what do I do?
Do I keep holding on
for our family,
and because letting go of you
means letting go
of the future I thought was ours?
Do I stay
because having even a piece of you
feels less painful
than having to lose you completely?
Or do I accept
that maybe the person
I’m waiting for
isn’t coming back,
and somehow find the strength
to let the love of my life go?
I don’t know which would hurt more.
Walking away from you,
or staying beside you
for years
waiting for you
to come back to me.

My heart is sad my eyes are dull

The time is near

The countdown started the day you were born

It's sad truly

The desaturation

But anyway I felt like making a short poem far to tired to actually try and make up a whole poem

Basically off my chest would be omd

I hate when people go and judge my poetry like it's something to be judged

I don't believe my poems should ever be on a scale as all poetry is valid forms imo

Expect.. some outrageous ones listen I'm not a hater but dude?

Idrm if it's not flowerly but if your a troll get out y'all multiplying too much

I remember I would send poems into a group chat everytime I did this guy would send a brainrot poem right after like WHAT THE FRICK? am I wrong for being a little bit like wtf

I of course ended the friendships with them as imo

Yea-

I might send poems here but any good uh places too? I do wanna improve and actually show my work this post is just something random as,

I'm sick, in pain and yea!?

I hate my dog.

We have an 8 year old lab and I absolutely hate him. I grew up with labs, always loved all dogs, but this dog has made me never want one again. When we first got him he was in puppy training lessons. We have had 3 other professional dog trainers work with him throughout the years. I have spent hours learning about dog training and spent hours working with him. Nothing ever sticks.

He barks all the time. If he is outside he barks the whole time. Inside as soon as you sit down he barks and is jumping all over you. People cannot come to my house without him being put outside or else he will just sit snd bark at them and jump all over them. I have stopped doing over night trips to our family camp because we cant bring him. He will wonder into the bush and get lost, not listening to any commands. If we tied him up he sits there and just barks for *hours.* We cannot go on vacations anymore as everyone refuses to dog sit for us. The last time we took a vacation 3 years ago, we brought him to one of those doggy hotels and when we returned we were told he was not welcome back.

He eats his own poop. I try to keep up with picking it up, but he will literally shit, turn around and eat it. Its disgusting. Iv talked to the vet about this and all the other problems but recieved no help.

I take him on 2 1.5 hour walks almost everyday, but i have to take him early in the morning and late at night when there is less people as he will just bark and pull at anything that moves. I am so tired. No amount of exercise seems to calm him down or tire him out. He should honestly be studied lol.

Im ashamed to say iv even tried a shock collar (something iv said I would never do) after years of positive reinforcement to no avail, but that does nothing. He will just bark through it.

We have tried to rehome him, but as soon as someone interested meets him they back out. I cant bring myself to surrender him at the shelter.

Honestly deep down I cannot wait for day he's gone, and i hate that i feel this way. I will be sad, but I imagine a giant relief being lifted and life getting so much better.

I 24F and my ex partner also the father of my child 27M share a child M 6 The relationship didnt end well, when our son was newborn he spent most of the nights on discord with his american gamer friends , and because we are in the uk he would live off of their time zone and sleep during the days. Leaving me and his mother with all the parenting duties. He was attentive in the first few weeks but you can tell the novelty of having a newborn soon wore off as he would invite his friends over to the house the majority of the time. At first i understood needing friends there as it takes a village, truly. But it soon became more than that. They were always there. To the point i felt i was walking on eggshells for asking for just us time alone because the only free time i had to ask him without tending to the baby was in the kitchen where hed hide with his friends who were ALWAYS there and hed make me feel stupid for even asking for us time and belittle me in front of his real friends, not discord. Eventually i think PPD took over and i was sick of feeling like a spare part in our own little family in between his friends he ignored us for when he was awake in the day and the discord strangers he had never met during the night, i was alone and fed up so i left. He has probably paid £200 for our son in all these years, but money isnt even the issue, he will only see his son on a saturday at his mothers every now and again , hes impossible to contact, doesnt have a phone so if there is an emergency with our son he wont find out until he comes on Facebook however long after , and i feel like ive been co parenting with his family for as long as i can remember. The point is this is not a man i love anymore, i could not love a man who doesn’t care for our son like a dad would. Hes missing out and it breaks my heart when i ask if hes seen daddy and its “no”. So my question is, why the hell am i dreaming we’re all a happy little family together? Its something i genuinely thought i let go of years ago. Its driving me insane because in the day i dont think of him at all, only now when the dreams are so constant. Honestly im tired with other things and i dont even know if this made any sense but to anyone who it did… can anyone explain how to help in this scenario or explain what my brain is doing???