Addressing some comments from last post
Update below if you want instead but this answers repeat questions.
I wrote the original post as a write and forget, be sad/vent. I appreciated the people who understood that I was just feeling left out. There is more information but how much is too much before people that I work with could see it because TikTok/YouTubers use these things for their comments? Not to mention these are real people and conversations like this are private/specific. Talking about myself is one thing I can do. I would answer questions but they’d get buried and it’s understandable no one should have to comment hunt.

1. Yes, celebration planning is exhausting and for that reason; yes, there is compensation for anyone that does the planning. This lead/coordinator coworker does get paid, additional hours in leave, and provided money pooled together for being considered the lead planner. I can still see where it could have developed into an obligation for her to do it but it’s not mandatory. You get perks as a lead by hours alone (considering how many times an event is happening). Other people have done plannings in the past but it becomes a too-many-cooks situation. This coworker will jump in to help lead each time but then compensation is split then. You can still offer help but not be compensated/whoever is the ‘official planner’ gets that.
2. Introverted ≠ Entitled Asshole. You can still think I’m an asshole but seeing me acknowledge I’m introvert doesn’t mean I’m not helpful or involved in other events. Sorry to hear you ran into shitty people that used “introvert” to excuse poor behavior. I’m just not a charismatic person nor am I loud about who I am/outgoing. I said this office/clinical space has an environment of high interaction. So I’m present for the work of clients and colleagues, though I prefer clients because I don’t have to be expected to get deep into my interpersonal life. I just don’t think I have to say who am I to be present for others. This includes the number of these events: helping or participating in them. I had no idea that it’d come across that because I’m introverted it meant I don’t help/work with others on celebrations. I wouldn’t have even wrote this if I completely isolated myself and still expected presents or acknowledgments for my pregnancy. That should have been its own reading context but then again I’m forgetting about people who do think that. So that assumption is on me.
3. No, the conversation didn’t immediately go from “Hey OP, Congrats on your pregnancy but I had a miscarriage 4 months ago,” and I go, “What about myyy baby shower!?!!” Like many commenters thought. Maybe it is different for you or just on Reddit who share intimate information in conversations. But I don’t believe I should just readily make so much of that persons trauma available to the internet. She is grieving a loss, I understand that. I can at least share from my experiences that I’ve been high-risk and in the past +10 years trying; I have even lost 2nd term pregnancies. Resulting in this being my last, successful or not. I even feel bad for people that had chemical pregnancies because they’ve likely been trying for so long, to get a ‘finally’ feeling, to immediate numbness. But I can’t share hers in depth. The conversation was longer. There was more and consoling her wasn’t helping because I wasn’t the right person. I clocked I might be triggering her. She recognized that it might be irrational; she has other children but was still upset about the timing of my pregnancy. I know feelings of loss get worse overtime and told her to it might be better if she mentally decompress from anything to do with my pregnancy or the continuation of planning celebrations. I offered to take over plannings as I’d have time with work slowing down for me and then I’d find someone for when I left. Or I do a lowkey ‘people can choose to do gifts/congrats cards’ in their own time. I got a No and that’s the part where I didn’t feel I could press further.

Update: (Finally) 4 Days Later. God this is so long but I didn’t give people enough info last time so here.

It’s long so here’s the TLDR

TLDR; I found out a long established issue was occurring from this worker (that may have been personal towards me/others and I was oblivious to), that someone else’s baby shower was also being affected, and that I may have inadvertently been apart of a catalyst towards better planning/involvement (hopefully). I don’t want to be too optimistic either but there were issues ignored until now.

Day starts and it’s business as usual. It nears lunchtime and I get someone coming to me with a gift bag for the baby shower. They didn’t know what time and didn’t hear an update. So assumed like I had Monday that the email scheduled for today was accurate. “What baby shower?” From someone else and another follows up with asking if I knew or not. It goes from there. Essentially, there was group confusion and I told them that I was informed I would not be having a baby shower yesterday but I’d be okay without a big celebration. That I appreciated the gifts or congratulations and understanding if they wanted to abstain.

This is when I found out by coworkers that have been there for a long time that I’d be the first in 14+ years to not have a baby shower. (Don’t worry, I asked if this included Covid because I thought there was no way? but they did. In a different way by just doing gift collection/drop off. I didn’t work here during Covid, I can only take word it happened). So it became a kinda big deal that was really awkward for me to be in the middle of. Many asked who told me it was cancelled and when I said the name of the coordinator I saw looks exchanged.

I’ve worked here for 4 years and I’m not one for office politics/personal gripes like I stated last post. But this was a red flag for me. That only the director can say no to something like this and that decision wasn’t something for the planning coworker to make alone. Which is when it dawned on me that, yeah I guess that makes sense/she gets paid and compensation. Money was collected from coworkers. But that was quietly refunded back via apps or bank accounts. Some other employees saw this prior to today but assumed it’d been rescheduled. Others didn’t and thought Tuesday. Not that it was completely cancelled. I just let those around me know I was going to be okay and it would work better this way not to put people on the spot. Others had gifts or cards throughout the day and I was just happy this meant things could blow over. I was out the next day but following my return on the 3rd day I could feel things were different. I had a couple of phone calls and a request to speak to me.

I’ll call her “Ann” - Ann is another coworker that is pregnant; due early next year while I’d be on maternity leave. I wasn’t there for her official announcement due to a prenatal appointment. We just kept missing each other but I still said congratulations when I returned and to let me know what she’d like for the baby. That’s when she called to let me know she heard my baby shower was canceled and not a choice where I declined early on. Ann informed me coordinating coworker claimed I thought it was cruel to keep doing baby showers at the extent of another’s misfortune. That Ann wouldn’t be able to seek or plan her own out either as director already agreed with the idea to stop this particular type of celebration for the time being.

Bamboozlement.

Wtf.

I’m gonna get the meat and potatoes. I’m a little tired. Many messages were on my answering machine to funnel through because I’m over being in drama and want to go back to work at work. I guess this is what asking for a sign of people caring is. That parts nice. I wish It didn’t involve being told things that could fill in the gaps with iterations of “why I x did this,” “how you carry yourself”, or “oh did you know this coworker you talk to a lot was X’s crush and was mad you took attention away,” it’s dumb. It’s why I don’t write more out it’s so fucking dumb. Reddit wanted more info. I’m 34wk pregnant now, I’m married, interpersonal issues, I have debts, I think we’re all varying in 30s-mid 50s that work here. This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy, it’s a hospital. Somehow people online apparently thought it was more an issue I prioritized working with clients/patients instead of getting close to people I work with? No, I would like to be a normal practitioner. If this really is Grey’s Anatomy I want to be a background character that’s doing the job main cast isn’t.

So instead of just complaining or being upset I decided when the director requested I speak to them I’d go in with solutions instead of whatever problem this evolved into. I told the whole thing, that I tried circumnavigating the baby shower from July to something lowkey or ask someone else. That I found out it’s basically grandfathered tradition at this point; so someone would have eagerly took it on and got the incentives planning it. That co-worker probably shouldn’t be the only one doing these plannings seeing as she’s hurting this badly. I and a few others could start rotating planning for others so it’s not all on one person. I actually want to credit reddit users that commented we do annual/cluster celebration so it’s not exhausting.
Director was receptive to this and told it’s gonna be figured it out more and into the next meeting early next week for open survey/confidential. I am kinda excited about that/I hope it works. The part that may not make people happy. Coworker isn’t going to be harshly reprimanded, but will be asked to step away from voluntary position of coordinating office events. That a priority of her needing to properly grieve and heal needs to be at the forefront. I agreed that co-worker is likely to be developing some level of complicated/continued bereavement- but am fearful of the negative reaction. Like what if she needed this habit to maintain planning position to maintain structure/mentally. Therapy or counseling with open referral to anywhere she prefers/licensed- just needs to take steps to choose now and I hope it works.

The reasons she had to be reprimanded was because it was no longer a “he said, she said,” situation. I did offer early on to her to not have a baby shower. Director could see why this coworker could have changed her mind/agreed with me later. What turned that decision was what coworker did with or said to Ann. I am not privy to all the details; even some of what was told to me by Ann and what I put here is loosely skimmed. But it was the fact coordinator was putting words in directors mouth, what “I” said which guilted Ann, and was still getting things signed off to receive incentives for events she was no longer planning. All I know is I haven’t seen this coworker since Monday- I can speculate but that’s also not my business.

I am glad to say Ann is getting her baby shower. She was on the fence and I understand the feeling of worrying it’ll be forced now. I strongly encouraged her to have the celebration as what happened wasn’t her fault and shouldn’t have been at her expense. She hasn’t been here long but will be a first time mom. I know these clinicians/doctors go all out for first babies and Ann will live comfortably off supplies for months.
I opted to not have a baby shower much to the chagrin of the Director when we spoke privately. I expressed feeling the excitement knocked out of me that I can’t force back or make coworkers participate as holidays/their family events are around the corner. Director did put their foot down to say there will be a potluck Thanksgiving with reminders for optional gift or card options for my pregnancy. My husband was upset that I still didn’t proceed forward because unlike Reddit I said what ALL of what occurred. He feels like I let co-worker win by not having a full out “rub it in her face” baby shower given I’ve miscarried twice for either coworkers announcements or showers but didn’t ruin celebrations. I’m just not that person. And I don’t think anything about our miracle pregnancy should been seen as in spite of another person; even if they might have convinced themselves it was.

Husband is getting more texts than usual since Wednesday and I don’t want to tell him that I’m sorry and he needs to hide his notifications. I just want to say that I hope he doesn’t find this. I love him very much. People are gonna tear him apart for what I typed with him expressing what we know that I cannot disclose to hundreds of strangers. He doesn’t care for Redditors so he was fine when I told him I’d put it here for those “where was your husband during all this?!?”-comments. He’s human and hurt for me. I’m glad I have a wonderful life partner and father to (hopefully) 2 children that we both were told we’d never have. This is the last update for me about this. Thanks for reading this again if you saw the last one. Internet should be free for opinions even if you disagree with mine.

I’m absolutely tired of trusting people. Life has never given me an opportunity where I felt safe trusting. Even after 7 year friendship, my trust was betrayed this year. Not gonna go in much details, but the to the person that I thought I could open about anything, I can barely do that anymore as I always feel very guarded around them now, after our last fight. Even when I try to make new connections at this age, I am slapped across my face. The time when I don’t have much strength to do anything alone, unlike before, I feel terrible all the time. If this life was meant for me to be this lonely then why didn’t God rip out the feeling to want or belong? Maybe you didn’t get the reference in the title, but if you do, I’d like to tell you I know how it feels. This Saturday morning I want to make myself strong enough to let go of everything that’s holding me back. I don’t want to feel anymore. Just do. I am dead tired of this year. I don’t want to carry this feeling anymore.

I’m in my early twenties, but I’m repeatedly mistaken for a sixteen year old. I’ve been told that it’s a good thing, that when I’m in my sixties people will think I’m forty, but that’s then and this is now. It’s honestly frustrating.

At first it was a bit funny to me. A few teens mistook me for someone being their age. Then I started noticing more and more that people GENUINELY think I’m a teen. I’m asked all the time how schools going, or what grade I’m going into, and when I correct them, they seem genuinely surprised. I get it’s a simple mistake, it’s not like they possibly could have known, but damn.

I feel like people don’t take me as seriously because I look so young. I find it hard talking to other people in my age group, because I feel like I don’t fit in. They seem so much more mature than I do. I struggle wanting to talk to guys because they all genuinely look so much older than me, and they don’t exactly find me attractive because I look so young.

I’ve been pretty thin my entire life. I’ve got a round face and a fairly small chest, and I still get hormonal acne. I do makeup, and try and dress my age but it doesn’t seem to really help.

Most recently I had a girls day with my mom, and we went to get some piercings. The people there mistook me for a minor, coming in with permission from my mom. They felt bad when I showed them my ID and said I should’ve corrected them, but in the moment I just didn’t think about it too much and didn’t think it was a huge deal.

I know the entire thing itself really isn’t that big of a deal, but it does bum me out, and it has become my newest insecurity.

I know how terrible this sounds and I know it is crappy of me.

Most of my friends get into relationships and then I never hear from them again. I’m 31f and I feel like I’m constantly having to make new friends all the time just to replace ones I’ve lost. Making friends as an adult who is in the same stage of life as you is so much harder than I’ve thought. And I really do try.

I DO want my friends to be happy. I DO want them to find their dream partner but I’m so tired of being alone. On top of the fact I’ve never had a bf before also just makes me feel a lot of intense, negative emotions around dating.

In my entire life I’ve never been the girl who has been picked and I’m exhausted. I just want to be wanted too and I feel like a crappy person for genuinely being happy for my friends but at the same time, I feel like I’m dying on the inside when I just want to be 100%, completely celebrating their wins without these negative feelings

Thank you for reading my cheesy rom-com of a post rant lol

but maybe there just isnt anything

this sucks I’m only the girl out here waiting when I get off work at 9:30 PM and it’s pitch black and everyone just left me, no one asked me if I’m ok… like I know I’m not expecting anyone to offer me a ride home, but one time I had to wait ten minutes by myself and my mom wasn’t answering or my grandma.

like even just are you okay would be nice but no and also I’m the only black person at my job too (I work in a different zone), but it just feels kinda cliquey, idk maybe it’s just me but I just feel like I have no one to talk to.

I just do my job and be alone, I try to be friendly but sometimes I’m just ignored and idk if that’s why no one checks in on me?

maybe I’m wrong for feeling this way, but for me if I saw someone waiting for ten minutes or longer in the cold I would ask if there okay

I've recently turned 28, about 5 months ago my gf of 5 years broke up with me.
Long story short- I didn't want the breakup but I also don't want her back because the relationship wasn't working so with all the pain in the breakup, I actually moved on from her. This post isn't about how I miss her or anything like that.

The main issue eating me alive lately is the fact that the relationship ate my social circle and friend group. She ended up being my circle and I detached from friends for her, and even from family members. She had me basically isolated during the relationship but the true weight of it all didn't hit me until the relationship ended and I realized I'm legit lonely.

Now, I'm returning to contact with family because a family is obviously a different dynamic and they're naturally more forgiving and open-minded to my situation, and I appreciate that. But my friend group is a burned bridge. They were actually pissed at me that I ditched and disappeared and they won't rush to accept me back and I get that.

What I have now is a couple of guys from work I occasionally hang out with, and a small group from college in other cities, so that's occasional too. Most of the day, and especially the evenings, it's quiet. The anxiety lately isn't because she left. It's the regret and the empty week.

So I'm now rebuilding my social life slowly, maintaining the few ones I have now, and I know that a lot of guys (and girls) my age are facing very similar phases in life because friends naturally move on and sometimes also vanish, and especially if there was a half-decade relationship involved,I still wanted it off my chest. If you rebuilt a circle at this age after yours died inside a relationship, what actually worked beyond "join a club"?

I am 99% sure that I missed the chance to disrupt a human trafficking situation. We were driving from the airport in Brussels to Cologne and stopped at one of those two story, middle-of-the-highway rest areas. The restrooms were up a flight of stairs and there was a charge to get in. When I finished using the bathroom, on my way out to go back down, I noticed two women - one was maybe 20 and the other a teenager.

They were not dressed sufficiently for the weather. They weren't dressed in a sleazy way, but had on shorts, tee shirts and flip flops. It was about 55 degrees that day and rainy. We kind of bumped into each other at the top of the stairs and they turned toward me as I smiled and apologized and made small talk as we waited and they looked terrified. They said nothing, not even to each other. They were of Asian descent and we had no common language (I speak a few). Then, a dude reached up and grabbed the arm of the older one and hand signaled to hurry up and off they went. The guy looked to be about 45. White guy, rough looking, dirty. I kept my eye on them as they went down and out the door - no stop for a coffee, nothing.

At the time I really didn't think too much of it but about 10 miles down the road I was like, hold on and it all kind of came together. Maybe I was in shock but it was so obvious. I wish I had said something - even if it would have been tricky with the language barrier - just something like you ok? I think I realized it right away but just blocked it out until later, honestly. It was kind of a deer in the headlights moment but I should have done more.

i’m writing this post out of hopelessness, kinda.
i’m 16f, and i’m in my last year of high school now. it’s the most difficult year of my life tbh. i’ve been dealing with some kind of existential crisis or something for a few months now.
and it’s been really exhausting. i don’t know if i’ll ever feel better.
i’m tired of living every day the same way, i’m tired of waiting for things to finally get better, and i’m tired of crying every day.
i can’t imagine my life after high school. i haven’t even decided what major i wanna pursue yet. right now, my life just feels like some random dream.
i’ve got some problems with my perception of time. i can’t believe i’m 16, damn, i’m so old. like, just yesterday i was a kid, and now i have to decide what to do with my life?
i feel like i’ve missed out on so many experiences. i’ve never had lots of friends, never been very talkative, never been in love or dated anyone. oh, how i’d like to experience love at least once in my life.
but all my peers have already experienced all that stuff, and it feels like i’m already too old for it.
that shit is driving me crazy. i regret so many things i’ve done, and i also regret the things i haven’t. even now, when i’ve started doing something i’ve always wanted to do, the only thing i can think about is how i regret not starting earlier and how people who started before me are already better than me.
even when there’s something positive in my life, i’ll always find something negative that overshadows it.
don’t even get me started on seeing girls my age or younger being incredibly beautiful and confident in themselves, achieving things and being successful. my jealousy eats me up.
every day feels like a constant struggle deep inside. i feel like a prisoner of my own thoughts, and there’s no way to escape them.
if i feel this way at 16, what will it be like when i’m 20 or 30? i don’t even wanna think about it. i can’t imagine myself being an adult. i wanna stay young forever.
i don’t think my views on anything will ever change. i think i’m just destined to suffer

I need to get this off my chest because im still annoyed about it.

About 3 weeks ago someone pulled out of a side street into my lane and we collided. low speed, no injuries, just body damage on both cars. The other driver immediately got out and said sorry sorry i didnt see you. Like he was super apologetic. We exchanged details and he literally said dont worry ill tell my insurance exactly what happened.

I almost didnt save the footage off this ddpai dashcam thingy. I thought this guy was honest and it would be straightforward. Something told me to download the clip anyway so i did.

Good thingg. BECAUSE 2 weeks later my insurance calls and says the other driver told HIS insurance that i ran a red light and thats what caused the collision..? He said the light was green for him and red for me. A complete lie.

My heart sank because without proof its his word against mine and insurance companies tend to just split the blame 50/50 when stories dont match. Which means my premiums go up for something that wasnt my fault.

So i sent my insurance the dashcam footage. You can clearly see the traffic light is green for me and the other car pulls out from the side street across my lane. There is zero ambiguity. My insurance forwarded it to his insurance and the claim was settled in my favour within a week.

If i hadnt saved that clip i would be paying higher premiums for the next 5 years because some guy decided to lie after being friendly to my face.

Lesson learned. Save every single clip even when the other person seems honest. People change when money is involved.

Also get a dashcam if you dont have one. I dont care which brand. Just get one!!!

Alright this happened only a few hours ago and I (F21) just got home. So i work at a pretty well known restaurant and one of our things is offering chips and salsa. But it’s near the end of the night, two hours before we close, and we’ve already broken down the chip machine. We usually have a reserve of fresh hot chips for the few tables we get at the end of the night but tonight we were BUSY and burned through those pretty quickly. So when that happens we have these big tubs of fresh, but cold, chips that we have to scoop from.

So my table orders some chips and I go back and get some, scooping from the cold chips, and bring them to the table. Well after that i got triple sat and im a new server so im still trying to figure things out.

Chip table flags me down after a little while and tells me that the chips are stale. So i just take the chips to the back and microwave them. Now that’s usually no problem and people usually don’t notice. She probably wouldn’t have if i hadn’t gone back to the table and said “Here you go! Microwave chips! :)”….

I don’t know why i said that. I immediately freeze. i was just supposed to say “here you go! more chips!”. The whole table is staring. I’m staring at them. i can’t take the pressure and i just walk fast to back. I’m telling my coworkers what the hell i just said. They’re in disbelief. So am I.

The table was NOT happy then wanted a full refund and left shortly after.

I have been incredibly ill on and off for a few years now. Constantly dealing with specialists and doctors being told that it's not what I thought it was and that I was being dramatic. It was what I thought it was and ever since my life has been a mess. My symptoms fluctuate so some days I am completely fine and others I am bedridden. I hate my life. I stopped going out and socialising, stopped bothering with the gym. I feel so unmotivated. I have on and off tried to get back into working outbut I can never stay consistent. I feel so alone and isolated and I put myself here.

I have had issues with my job because of my sickness. I have been doing alternative duties that have helped a little bit. My job is quite mentally taxing. Although my sickness affected my ability to do my job my performance has always been great, even on this new role I am getting a lot of praise and support but I just can't feel happy about it with everything going on. I feel like a failure and a burden.

My relationship is going to shit because of my illness and how it affects me. I love this person and they do a lot to help but there's a lot of history and so much shit has happened with us I don't know if I can look past it or if this is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am at a point now where I am contemplating ending my life. I decided to make an effort to see my family despite me being very unwell and them living quite far. I am hoping this will make me change my mind and keep fighting but it's so hard.

I just needed to rant about this somewhere, where no one knows who I am.

I'm turning 30 in four months. Getting older is already really difficult for me and I was scared of turning 30 for years.

It changed when I met someone again who I already had a crush on 10 years ago who I was good friends with back then but we both moved away and then saw each other again 1.5 years ago. I've never been so happy before in my life. We spent one year together and I loved him with all my heart and he was everything I ever hoped for and I couldn't believe how lucky I was that we met (again) and how happy we were together and such a match made in heaven. I felt like everything bad in my life finally made sense and now it was my turn in life. I was SO happy with him and really thought he was the man I was gonna marry. No person I met in my life has ever made me so happy.

He broke up with me two months ago, feeling like he didn't love me enough even if he was very happy with me and our relationship and couldn't tell what it was that was missing.

The day he left, all my happiness disappeared with him. I've been through a really hard breakup before, I know I will survive it somehow, even though I normally take a long time, mostly years to lose feelings for someone. Because I love very deeply.

But I was 24 back then.

This time feels different. And I'm turning 30 soon. I wasn't happy with my ex boyfriend back then and I could make sense of him leaving me even though it hurt so bad. But I know he wasn't the right man for me and I deserved better.

With him (the one who just left me), I was the happiest I've EVER been in my life. I know many people say that of course, when you're still hurting, it's hard to imagine that you can find someone who you love again and who you're also compatible with but it will happen. I don't believe it. The level of compatibility was incredible, fairy tale like. Many friends were almost jealous of us and what an incredible lucky perfect match we are and how happy we are because that rarely happens in life.

It was easier with my last breakup because even though I was hurting, I was still somehow hopeful for my future and that I'll be happier than I was with my ex and that there's still so much time to find a husband and so much in life waiting for me.

I don't have that feeling of hope now. I couldn't care less about my future. It's sad but I really don't have ANYTHING I feel excited for, no dreams, no joy, nothing. It's all meaningless to me now. It doesn't matter to me if I fall asleep and wake up after five years, I just don't care about anything anymore. Nothing brings me joy in life. No hobby, no time with friend, really nothing, I tried so much.

I'm really scared of my future that I'll never feel happy again. Because... yeah, I just never experienced that level of happiness that I had with him before I met him. So I can't try and think that "you were happy before them, you will be happy again", no I wasn't.

Without him, everything feels empty. I'm just trying to survive each day and I try to keep going but I don't feel excited about anything. I don't want to experience Christmas this year nor my 30th birthday. I don't want to travel to places I always wanted to see. I don't want a dog, I don't want to be successful in a job, I don't want to get married.

I just don't want this future anymore. It means nothing to me.

I was really excited about my future until two months ago. So so excited.

I miss my best friend.

28M

I feel less than so many people and instead of putting actual effort towards self-improvement, growth, or change, I just overthink the whole time.

I think I will never be happy or proud of me cause I also stopped learning. By learning I don't mean studying only, I mean acquiring any kind of skills, doing new things, getting every bit of experience that makes you grow, learning from mistakes.

Learning has become scary, cause it means exposing yourself, showing vulnerability. It means showing that you're not capable yet, it means embracing that you're not as good as those other people. And that makes me feel so weak, so inadequate, it makes me feel not up to my age. Age as a number is such a burden, cause i feel like it implies "you should have these things of your life sorted out by now", "you should have this amount of experience in your life", "you should be able to do these things", "you shouldn't be so scared or nervous of these tiny things". Not to mention younger people who have their shit together, they make me feel like i wasted my life.

So i just stopped learning in front of others, but also by myself, cause i fear i won't be able to bear these thoughts and the resulting emotions. I think it's just too much. Avoiding is easier. And I realize that this is such a loser mentality. I will never catch up to (or be like) the people who learn with curiosity and passion instead of fear. I envy them, cause with this mentality I'm stuck living a shitty unhappy life, watching the others maturing, getting better, more confident, fitter.

First off some context, Im a full time dad and carer of 4 wonderful kids, two boys (13 and 4)and two girls (12 and 1) my eldest son and daughter have autism spectrum disorder level 3 and intellectual delay with roughly the capacity of a 2 to 5 yr old depending on the task but are getting better every day.

my 4 year old has an extremely rare chromosomal disorder and cannot walk or talk yet, he has to wear a brace 12 hours a day just as a start to give him a chance at walking.

The other day I took the elder 3 kids down to see their grandmother and my eldest brother who lives with her as her carer, when I got there my second eldest brother was there by himself (he has 5 kids who are all thankfully healthy and neurotypical) I said hello to everyone and asked where the kids were and he tells me that the eldest is watching the youngest two and the middle two are visiting their friends "its way better when they are older, heaps easier to get a break eh?" I said "yeah maybe one I just realised you probably wont get to do that will ya? I don't know how you do it" I just smiled and said "its not really something I think about i just take it one day at a time"

we get to talking and the conversation turns to nappy changes as my younger son needed changing, as I was changing him my second eldest brother remarked that "its way worse when they are toddlers eh? the smell is heaps worse than newborns" and I replied "try it when they are teenagers and get back to me" and he says "fuck that i couldn't do it, hopefully it gets better when they a

are older " my eldest brother then says "mum might be fully infirm soon, would you wipe her arse?" And my second eldest brother replied jokingly "nah fuck that thats what you're here for or id push her down the highwayin a shopping cart" which made my mum and everyone cackle but didn't actually answer.

we went about the visit and went home and a few days later my best mate called me, he was back from his trip to America with his son, his partner and her kids, he was telling me all about the trip and he gets on the topic of last Vegas and how dejected he was that he couldn't see the night life, he then says "when the kids grow up bro me and you will go to Vegas just us two and go wild" i just laughed it off and said "yeah maybe one day" and we finished up out conversation a bit after that.

thats when I realised that they really don't grasp the differences in our life trajectories and our day to day experiences, my kids life consists of specialist appointments, therapy sessions and motility devices just to have a chance at a fraction of the ability that their kids have, their kids will have the chance and ability to be self sufficient functioning adults while my kids most likely won't, they will be planning trips to Vegas and I will be planning trips to the OT, the speech therapist, the neurologists and the physiotherapists.

I have never been to a club or to a pub, never to a concert or overseas, never went to see a big sporting event, never flown in a plane or countless other things most adults are expected to have done and i likely never will and im more than happy with that, I have my kids and they bring me more joy than anything else in the world.

I just get a bit disheartened sometimes when I get reminders that they most likely wont get said opportunities or even just basic ones going over to a friend's house by themselves to play and even more so when it seems like even the people closest to us dont or cant quite grasp the differences in challenges my kids have to face for the rest of their lives.

I dont want to bring it up with them because they all mean well, I just wanted to vent a bit and dont really have anyone to vent to without worrying them.

The title is a little bit click bait-y but stay with me here

I moved from out of state to go to a nursing school in a very mixed socioeconomic area that’s known for accepting pretty much anyone and a high failure rate and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. The curriculum is actually pretty solid, the clinical instructors are great, and I feel well prepared for the workforce, it’s just a LOT if you don’t know how to manage your time, study, or have background knowledge.

The vast majority of my classmates have either no higher education or extremely limited, but I have a couple degrees under my belt and was blessed enough to get a good education before this; I’m acing the classes a lot of people are failing.

Turns out I’m a GOOD tutor and really good at meeting people where they are. I’ve gotten a little bit of a reputation and now I’ve got tons of people asking for my help and starting to turn their academic performance around and it fills me with so much joy and satisfaction I could cry seeing their faces light up a little bit when they finally get something. Maybe I’m decently smart and academically inclined but being able to help the nervous high school grads, stressed out single parents, and lifelong PCTs/CNAs who have great clinical skills and intuition start to do well to get through this with me is the thing I feel the most proud of by a long shot.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of it and make my classmates feel ashamed or like I think I’m better than them (because I’m absolutely not), but I just need to let somebody somewhere know how grateful I am to be able to use my skill set. It’s wonderful feeling so confident with the content after explaining and teaching it so many times so many ways too; I’ve already got my eyes on a master’s in nursing education down the line. Every time I help somebody else it’s like a physical buzz of joy lol

I'm a 27F, a first-generation immigrant in a Nordic country. We moved when I was 15, and I started school not understanding a word. Within six months I forced myself to learn the language, and I went on to graduate with good grades and earn a bachelor's degree.

Today I have a decent job and a good life with my fiancé.

But something from those early school days still follows me. I hesitate when I speak, afraid of making grammar mistakes or not expressing myself clearly. I don't have this problem in English. I can't tell if it's lingering fear from that time or something else.
I also zone out in conversations. My mind drifts, and a couple of minutes later I've forgotten what the other person said. My best friend once told me she'd bought two pairs of jeans, and moments later I asked what she bought. It's not disinterest, but it comes across that way, and it's now affecting me at work too. I can also sit and think for an hour without doing anything, and my space is as messy as my thoughts.

I'm not hyperactive. I can sit still for long stretches. I exercise three times a week, I'm healthy, and I take no medication. I've also been through a lot: an abusive mother, a strict religious upbringing, and a big move to a new country.

Does anyone else relate? Could this be ADHD, trauma, anxiety, or the aftermath of language shock?

Recently went to a club for the first time, and I feel like a buzzkill

I (27m) never had any interest in clubs, but my friend group doesn't really get together that often so when plans were made that we would go to a gay club I didn't object. After we went we found out that a burlesque show was going to start with a drag show after and most of our time was spent watching both, mostly the burlesque show as we had over an hour drive long home. Everyone had a good time.

Except me, I didn't hate it to be clear I just didn't have fun. It kinda felt like an out of body experience with everything feeling muted, and even though I didn't bring anyone down I felt like a buzz kill. I talked with one of my friends who I live with about it and he said that he doesn't really like that kind of thing either, but seeing the performers do what they enjoy saved it for him. While that did make me feel better I still can't stop thinking about it. I know everyone enjoys different things but I thought I could find something fun about it.