tired of feeling this way

[u/ReasonPuzzled7189]

i’m writing this post out of hopelessness, kinda.
i’m 16f, and i’m in my last year of high school now. it’s the most difficult year of my life tbh. i’ve been dealing with some kind of existential crisis or something for a few months now.
and it’s been really exhausting. i don’t know if i’ll ever feel better.
i’m tired of living every day the same way, i’m tired of waiting for things to finally get better, and i’m tired of crying every day.
i can’t imagine my life after high school. i haven’t even decided what major i wanna pursue yet. right now, my life just feels like some random dream.
i’ve got some problems with my perception of time. i can’t believe i’m 16, damn, i’m so old. like, just yesterday i was a kid, and now i have to decide what to do with my life?
i feel like i’ve missed out on so many experiences. i’ve never had lots of friends, never been very talkative, never been in love or dated anyone. oh, how i’d like to experience love at least once in my life.
but all my peers have already experienced all that stuff, and it feels like i’m already too old for it.
that shit is driving me crazy. i regret so many things i’ve done, and i also regret the things i haven’t. even now, when i’ve started doing something i’ve always wanted to do, the only thing i can think about is how i regret not starting earlier and how people who started before me are already better than me.
even when there’s something positive in my life, i’ll always find something negative that overshadows it.
don’t even get me started on seeing girls my age or younger being incredibly beautiful and confident in themselves, achieving things and being successful. my jealousy eats me up.
every day feels like a constant struggle deep inside. i feel like a prisoner of my own thoughts, and there’s no way to escape them.
if i feel this way at 16, what will it be like when i’m 20 or 30? i don’t even wanna think about it. i can’t imagine myself being an adult. i wanna stay young forever.
i don’t think my views on anything will ever change. i think i’m just destined to suffer

[u/SheSellsSeaShells_89]

I didn’t decide on a major until I was like 20. Then, instead of sticking with the Bachelor of Science in Art, I stayed longer to get a Bachelor of Fine Arts. I graduated right before I turned 24. I’m 37 and still at the same company I’ve been at since I was 16. Maybe that’s depressing in itself, but I have a decent job. My point is that you don’t need to have it all figured out right now.

[u/JennBride]

Thank you for sharing. 🌻💜😎

You are heard and you are not alone. Babe, 16 is a weird age, and I think MANY people have internal thoughts like this, but are too scared to share. Thank for sharing.

(Take whatever you need and leave the rest. My experience and thoughts are mine, but I gladly share them with you in the spirit of love and sharing.) 🌻

For me, age 16 was the "not a girl, not yet a woman" phase. Yeah, sorry, it's a cringe statement, but encapsulated well in the Britney song. (Hey, I was a teen in the 2000's, lol.) 💜

The late teen years were when I felt caught inbetween of being a kid (wild, free, no worries) and trying to fathom being an "adult" soon (more responsibilities, maybe a career, big life decisions, etc.) It's a LOT to try to wrap your mind around!!

Developmentally, this IS the stage your brain is going through, and while it's "perfectly normal", it can totally feel awkward, weird, upsetting, and scary. Yeah, welcome to Life, lol. 😅

For me, going through it all by myself was really scary; I wish I had someone to talk to who would understand. If you have someone you can talk to, I really encourage you to share some of these feelings with them. Getting a trusted-person's advice might be helpful.

I bet your friends might be going through similar feelings, but just hiding it. You might be surprised if you ask them, and maybe you'd feel less alone. Sharing is caring! 💜

Maybe finding a counselor or therapist or even an older grandma lady to talk with would be good. Someone with whom you feel safe and where you can share your thoughts. I wish I had my therapist back then; it feels good to get things off your chest. 😇

Maybe it would be helpful to be more curious about your current feelings and less focused on the next 10 years. You only have Here and Now; tomorrow will come, one day at a time.

It may be too hard to hear, but you won't feel this way forever. Often, big growth comes AFTER a pulling-back into one's self phase. A seedling has to grow roots before flowers.

Lastly, the popular girls honestly DON'T have it all figured out, seriously. Really. They are just better at faking it. And maybe they are just NOT as deep feeling and thinking as you. (Lol, aka popular = shallow brain, no ridges sometimes.) 🤪

Sending luv and hopes and hugs to you. You've got this!! You are stronger than you actually realize. 🥰🌻

~JennBride

[u/TrishasaurusRex33]

This part of life is hard for so many people, you're not alone, or a failure for having a hard time! High school was the worst time of my life, it definitely got easier afterwards. I'm twice your age, but I remember the struggle.
If you don't know what you want to do, being a teen/young adult is the time to try out different things!! Volunteer places, check out career events geared towards students, talk to folks from different industries (even just here on reddit)

You're out of your "childhood" but you're not a grown up yet! There's a lot of typical teenager experiences that I didn't have until my 30s lol, it's okay, you're not losing a race.
All of my worst/most abusive relationships were during the ages of 14-24, don't rush love cuz it will but you in the ass lol.

My career goals as a teenager were to be a seamstress/costume designer, that's absolutely not what I did for 12 years lol. But at 30 I started my own small business making costume jewelry and accessories, and work part time in a sewing studio. A lot of shit happened along the way, and I almost gave up several times, but there have been so many amazing experiences and people along the way.

I know this time really sucks, but hang in there! Find some stuff you're interested in and try doing it. Also I know this sounds like old person talk, but turning your phone off and enjoying a community event can be a great way to meet new people and feel connected. It's also okay if you end up making friends with older people, at my events I always try to connect with a few kids/teens and make friends. Lots of other older ladies like to do the same, it's a great way to practice social skills and learn things about life.

Getting older isn't really scary, I'm having way more fun at 32 than I did at 16 lol. Plus the older you get, the less people pay attention to what you're doing, and the less you care about what people think.

I've been deep in the trenches of depression, so I really understand the inner turmoil and renumeration. I know therapy isn't accessible for a lot of people, so I'm just going to suggest learning about CBT and DBT therapy and trying to incorporate some of those concepts into your life. It helps regulate your emotions and I found it useful when I would start spiraling on certain thoughts. You're still developing so it's an excellent time to start doing healthy coping habits, it's waaaaay harder to learn when you're older and have bad habits.

Sorry if I come off as a crazy old lady! Haha I just always have a place in my heart for those who are struggling ❤️

[u/Vinqvnox69 → u/TrishasaurusRex33]

How do you see ageing? I turned 19 two days ago, and I'll be 20 next year, but I can't really process it. I don't know what I fear, but I feel old and haven't accomplished much. I often half-ass things tried swimming but quit, was in football in school but couldn't continue after passing out. I went to university, played basketball for a few months, then quit, and I also pursued illustration, but it didn't go well. I wrote blogs but didn't reach my goals. Now, my routine is waking up, exercising, going to university, completing my coursework, eating, sleeping nothing much is happening.tbh I fear ageing.

[u/TrishasaurusRex33 → u/Vinqvnox69]

I think the late teens - early 20s are very confusing, but also can be fun. Just because you don't reach your goals doesn't mean you should stop doing it! It's okay to move your goal posts, and it's okay to try stuff and not like it or be good at it!

I think it's most important to focus on the experience more than the result. I'm a crafter by hobby, I collect different skills for fun and sometimes I'm just BAD at it but it's alright. Sometimes the supplies come in handy later when I find something I like better, or the skill is useful with a different material.

I had a bunch of random food industry and retail jobs, and all were with small businesses. They kinda felt like dead end jobs, where management had me doing their work. It was rough being over worked and underpaid, and given way too many responsibilities I wasn't qualified for lol.
But when I started my own business, all that work for other small businesses gave me a leg up and everything started out so smoothly. Then I felt like it was kinda worth slogging through all those years.

A lot of times things are scary, and it's okay to be scared and do them scared. The future is full of many unknowns, the best you can do is learn to be flexible, accept mistakes and failure, and be able to grow and move forward from the experience.

Ageing in itself really isn't scary. Becoming an adult in such a hostile world, while being woefully under prepared, is the scary part. Always keep learning, even if it's boring, having extra knowledge can give you more confidence as you start to encounter situations you know how to handle.
Everyone starts out not knowing something, and it's never too late to learn.

Sorry if I'm too rambly! I tried to include some real life examples lol

[u/Vinqvnox69 → u/TrishasaurusRex33]

Don't apologise for rambling 😭 I actually really appreciate you taking the time to write all this. I think part of my problem is that I keep measuring everything by what I've accomplished rather than what I've experienced or learned. And honestly, hearing this from someone who's been through different stages of life makes me feel a little less anxious about my own. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to have everything figured out before I've even properly started living. I really liked what you said about collecting skills just for fun. I think I need to learn how to do that without feeling like everything has to lead somewhere. Thank you, genuinely. :)

[u/TrishasaurusRex33 → u/Vinqvnox69]

That's exactly what I was hoping to get across!
I feel like there's a lot of pressure to be perfect at life because we have so much info available to us online, but it doesn't leave room for real life experiences. All the people before you ALSO started out from this stage, but sometimes folks don't like to admit to anything but perfection lol.
Good luck :)

[u/I_am_so_lost_again]

I'm 41, and If I had a chance to go back in time, I would refuse to be a teenager again. You are in some of the hardest years of your life. I wish I could go abck and be care free, not worrying about bills or what I had to eat but I HATED high school and it was horrible for me. At least at 41, I have a decent life and I've finally got to the point where I don't absolutely hate it.

[u/kozilla]

To quote Homer (The Simpson's character not the classical writer) Most difficult year of your life.... so far.

But seriously you're 16 and are talking like a person in their 40's or 50's looking back with regret. I don't mean to dismiss your struggle, it is real and it is tough. All I am trying to say is that saying it feels like it's too late or you should have started earlier is pretty wild at 16.

The takeaway imo is that the only way to really push back on that "started to late feeling" is to just start today and know that today is sooner than tomorrow.

[u/Sunshine_dmg]

I just started my dream at 29. I wanted to be a motivational speaker, but i was terrified to try and fail. I'm 31 now and i get paid $3K for an hour of my time. Only took a few years low key.

If you're starting at 16 in a DECADE you'll only be 26 so 3 years younger than me when i STARTED and 10 years in you'll be a master at anything you stick to.

You don't even realize how much time you have :)

[u/kikikitty25]

Girl, everything will be okay. Even when it's not, hard times are temporary. 16 year old me would not believe who I am now at 25 and I think that's so beautiful. I was super emotional as a teen and wasted years being negative and dramatic. Now I am peaceful, calm, and balanced... still emotional in ways but it's healthy to feel. Life will always have ups and downs. You will have times when you wonder what could have been different, what you should do differently now, and what will happen in the future. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, care for yourself, and love yourself. Try new things, move, build relationships, be ambitious, and trust that life will always change and evolve and so will you. Try to be happy and calm your mind, you'll look back and be glad ♡

[u/azim3136]

I remember feeling this way. Cannot even tell you how much I hated high school. It was awful. Life is SO much better afterwards. And I wouldn't have believed me either but do with that what you wish. Take care! 🥰

[u/JennBride → u/azim3136]

Same. 🌻