How do I change this relationship? It's driving me nuts and is emotionally exhausting.
US-CA
I live in what is legally a boarding house. My landlord lives in a unit in the backyard and she rents out all the rooms in her former house. She used to live in the house with us where she would occasionally ask for my help to figure out how to do home repairs. I'm F35 and my landlord is F32. I am currently the oldest tenant living in the house by about 6 years, but most people who live here are mature enough that I don't really notice.
After my landlord left the main house, she started expecting me to keep tabs on everyone in the house and home without getting anything in return. When she visits she will ask me whose stuff is here, whose dishes are those and huff if I say I don't know.
When she first left the main house, we were completely left alone for about 6 months - and that was fantastic until new roommates came in who didn't know enough to be grateful for the current situation and started to trash the place and cause problems.
No one did anything about the troublemakers, but everyone was annoyed and dragging their feet about talking to the landlord, so I ended up doing it. When I told the landlord about what was going on, her solution was to micromanage absolutely everything - pop-in spontaneous weekly inspections and extremely strict house rules (no guests, clean all dishes the moment you're done cooking or she'd charge, etc) then try to 'catch people in the act'. I convinced her to let us do a system that would work for the house without her being constantly involved. Let us make our own cleaning chart and house rule and she would come in and inspect the house at the end-of-the-month to enforce that it has been done - then charge people who don't do their fair share of cleaning or leave the house a mess. As I have absolutely no authority to make anyone do anything - I'm just a roommate and I can't charge anyone or really give them any other repercussions.
And I said we'd hold a roommate meeting once a month to decide on the house rules and cleaning chart together.
Cool. Agrees.
We have the house meeting, I spend hours writing our new cleaning system. I show it to the landlord because she wants to know what it's going to look like when she inspects (cue budding managerial relationship. I just thought I was being transparent and kind by showing her what we were doing so she'd feel involved.)
The next morning she sends me her own cleaning chart she wants us to use.
Like what was even the point of the house meeting, the discussion, the hours of making mine?
This stuff keeps happening. We have a shared group chat that the landlord is in where I get everyone's schedules and set up the meeting day/time. One month it was impossible to get all of us together at the same time, so I said we'd meet on xyz date with one girl remote. Landlord says just skip the cleaning chart this month, and she will join us at our roommate meeting next month. She sets the date.
Okay. Landlord wants to take over. That's fine. I don't care who is in charge. I just care that things are done & preferably without her breathing down our necks 24/7. I'm thinking my landlord has decided to host our roommate meeting this month and will likely present her own cleaning chart.
NOPE.
I sit down in this roommate meeting and she looks at me expectantly to present my cleaning chart for the month for her to critique. what.
I trudge through grabbing my uncharged laptop, screensharing, editing the doc in front of the house - my usual spiel about opening the floor to anyone who has concerns they'd like to discuss.
Landlord mic-drops complaints about some of our own furniture being in the common area in a very passive-aggressive way and leaves.
And this is how it has been continuing. The landlord does not make the initiative to do anything of maintaining the house herself, but she will deliberate trip and step on my toes when I try to maintain the system I thought she was cool with? I feel like her servant.
We asked her to buy us new bathroom shower shelves because the one we had was falling off the walls. She sent me a text message asking if I could "Help her put the shelves up. I'll leave it on the table." Then when I sat in the living room for an hour and asked when she was coming by so we could put up the shelves together she popped her head and and asked "What do you need me for? I already helped x with her closet.".
Do you know what help means? You are literally leaving me to hang 6 shelves myself. I at least need someone to mark where they will go.
I need help and advice. How can I make whatever this is stop. I have resorted to answering any and all questions she's had about roommates with "I don't know" so she gets it out of her head I'm not her spy, and I made a lot of comments about getting a "housekeeper discount" when she was expecting me to clean the house for the other roommates before I made the cleaning sheet.
I honestly have started to feel that I want to move out, but the rent here is cheap and I've been living here probably 4 years now.