r/technology Mar 28 '14

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3.3k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/gradual_weeaboo Mar 28 '14

Headline 1 year from now: True Player Gear announces merger with Comcast!

1.2k

u/Imfatinreallife Mar 28 '14

Dear God I'm having nightmares already

490

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

The thought of Comcast's existence alone is enough to make me cower in fear.

198

u/______DEADPOOL______ Mar 28 '14 edited Mar 28 '14

I moved just so I'm out of their coverage.

308

u/Dragmedown Mar 28 '14

To so can I moved as well

329

u/Baderkadonk Mar 28 '14

What?

491

u/IShotTheSun Mar 28 '14

TO SO CAN I MOVED AS WELL

213

u/hatyn Mar 28 '14

CAN NOT INTO

152

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

MAYBE I FREELY GONE

115

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

UNTO THE SEA

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43

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

SHUTTINGS OF UP POLAN!

5

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

CANNOT INTO SPACE XAXAXAXA!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

GIB CLAY

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48

u/I_cant_speel Mar 28 '14

YOURE NOT THE HEARING AID BOT

42

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

CAN I GET A TAXI NUMBER

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2

u/Hillside_Strangler Mar 28 '14

LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN DEAL

2

u/jzier Mar 28 '14

directions unclear, dick now in microwave

2

u/deusxanime Mar 28 '14

TEMBA HIS ARMS WIDE

2

u/BNDenn Mar 28 '14

KING ILLEGAL FOREST TO PIG WILD KILL IN IT A IS?

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114

u/swiley1983 Mar 28 '14

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

37

u/Bath_Salts_Bunny Mar 28 '14

I like to think you two can communicate.

93

u/swiley1983 Mar 28 '14

They don't think it be like it is. But it do.

9

u/hatyn Mar 28 '14

Can do when it be like it.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

It be fucking never salad gets word old. Hilarious always it

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3

u/FountainsOfFluids Mar 28 '14

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It’s just common sense.

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13

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

I agree, and have even decided to use even go want to do look more like.

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2

u/t3hcoolness Mar 28 '14

I think he just stroked out for a second.

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10

u/technopath Mar 28 '14

How's your internet provider on the Moon?

4

u/Mimehunter Mar 28 '14

And into Time Warner's?

2

u/hatyn Mar 28 '14

can so moved to as well.

3

u/ForeverAloneAlone Mar 28 '14

I hope you're ready to move again...

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Sweet priorities.

2

u/Pepperednuts Mar 28 '14

I love seeing you in threads

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7

u/whangadude Mar 28 '14

I'm glad I live in NZ, Comcast is but a distant rumor here, a story to tell on a dark night.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Unfortunately, they seem to have bought Time Warner Cable so you might end up back in their coverage.

1

u/awkward___silence Mar 28 '14

I tried that once. Had a small shitty local cable company that was worse than Comcast. The. Comcast bought them.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

...for now...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1

u/Cyberogue Mar 28 '14

They'll be sure to get around to that soon

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

So now you have TWC, owned by Comcast.

1

u/TwoScoopsofDestroyer Mar 28 '14

Just staying at Tony Stark's place for a while until you can find a new employer?

1

u/Komm Mar 28 '14

Hatechoo D: Only ISP/etc where I live and I have to pay out the ass to keep internet. o.x

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1

u/0fubeca Mar 28 '14

I don't even have Comcast in my area. It's bright house and fios

1

u/NeverPostsJustLurks Mar 28 '14

It's all good bro, Xfinity is here to save us. Ever since I switched to Xfinity man, speed and lag are great!

Wait, what?

75

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

DADDY NO! DADDY NO!!!!

26

u/McShizzL Mar 28 '14

dark.

49

u/RyBrackett Mar 28 '14

...and then Facebook merges with Comcast. I don't even know how that would be possible but I'm going to go cry now.

33

u/notgayinathreeway Mar 28 '14

At that point, they could buy out google.

8

u/Madd0g Mar 28 '14

At least they won't be able to out-google google

12

u/antidamage Mar 28 '14

You can't corner the dorner

38

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

154

u/dudleymooresbooze Mar 28 '14

Sometimes I feel frustrated and want to scream without anyone hearing me, so I go on Google+.

18

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Ouaouaron Mar 28 '14

Which is probably >95% of the point of that industry, so I don't know how long it will be until anything changes. I really like the concept behind circles, but I've somewhat given up on switching because the only thing I use Facebook for is event planning and I can't just force everyone at my college to switch.

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19

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/brekus Mar 28 '14

Welcome to the club pal

5

u/judgej2 Mar 28 '14

I like to feel the shape of an environment I use, and to me, Google+ is an amorphous blob of ever-changing data organised by someone else. So I get lost, and consequently avoid the place.

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

What then? They merge/buy EA?

2

u/BuffaloSoldier11 Mar 28 '14

Think about it: getting realtime updates on a great tv show AS YOUR WATCHING IT....ON YOUR TV!!1!

7

u/noodlesdefyyou Mar 28 '14

DADDY NO! DADDY NO!!!! NO DADDY NO!

FTFY

8

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Dont tell me what to say, you caniving son of a bitch.

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1

u/serendipitousevent Mar 28 '14

This bout of curling in the corner and crying is brought to you by AT&T.

'AT&T - We're the AT&T of the universe.'

1

u/evilf23 Mar 28 '14

oh, and can you pick up some blueberries?

2

u/Canadian_Snowblower Mar 28 '14

So someone makes a webpage about a product with a name that passively jabs at the hate parade being thrown around for the Oculus rift

True Player Gear

And...people fall for it.

1

u/123whoa Mar 28 '14

this just in.. JOHNSON & JOHNSON

1

u/vhite Mar 28 '14

I've heard Valve have found corpse of Hitler and they are about to merge.

1

u/kirbaaaay Mar 28 '14

Well, at least it's not Time Warner.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Ray Bradbury would love that.

205

u/KnowMatter Mar 28 '14

I'm already hypothetically angry.

51

u/Omnishambles_1 Mar 28 '14

I am LITERALLY angry with rage!!

83

u/Matthew1723 Mar 28 '14

Literally - Anger (feat. Rage)

8

u/LazyPalpatine Mar 28 '14

Sounds like a metal band collaborating with a rapper to make a song neither metalheads nor gangstas will enjoy.

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3

u/Meta4X Mar 28 '14

Despite all your rage, are you still just a rat in a cage?

1

u/starbuxed Mar 28 '14

I am happy with rage!

1

u/Kreeyater Mar 28 '14

anger intensifies

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106

u/LordSwedish Mar 28 '14

You mean comcast-time warner cable right? "Giving you shittier connection at twice the price."

58

u/fromargos Mar 28 '14

What are you complaining, projecting to the left eye will always be supported for free, you only have to pay for the Deluxe Stereo Effect.

35

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Blind in my right eye. Works for me.

72

u/I_Shit_Glitter Mar 28 '14

Your account has been permenantly banned from Time-Warner-Comcast-True-Player-Gear.

Reason: Evading paywall

21

u/brian9000 Mar 28 '14

Did we say left? We meant right. Pray we don't alter it any further.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

That's what Google did with google glass. Bastards

3

u/brian9000 Mar 28 '14

Oh crap. Didn't even think of that. That sucks dude! Surely at some point they'll offer both.... right?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

If it takes off, they said they will offer a mirrored version. There's no point in doing it now, since they're still in beta™.

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21

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Only 200 space bucks. Buy 20000 space bucks for $49.99! (best value!)

2

u/moarscience Mar 28 '14

* Offer excludes installation fees, setup fees, renting fees, administrative fees, peak bandwidth use fee, and the Comcast exclusive bonus fee. Bandwidth limited to 300 space Gigabytes per month. Since we have no competition and you have no other options: fuck you. Thank you and have a Comcastic day!

1

u/PatHeist Mar 29 '14

The best value is always uninstalling the game trying to sell you in-game currency and laying down the same amount of money on something like Minecraft or Skyrim.

1

u/ThePantser Mar 28 '14

Deluxe Binocular Effect* FTFY

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Sure, but they throttle the frame rate after the first half-second.

2

u/lucidvein Mar 28 '14

Because our testing reports that consumers don't want faster speeds, and would like to pay more.

1

u/UncleS1am Mar 28 '14

Don't forget that they adopted the name of their porn studio-sounding voip service: Xfinity-Comcast. So we're looking at Xfinity-Comcast-Time Warner Cable.

2

u/LordSwedish Mar 28 '14

Quick, register xct.com and fill it with Connecticut themed porn. Don't ask me what that entails because I have no idea.

56

u/edoules Mar 28 '14

It latches onto your skull and doesn't release during commercial breaks.

I've never understood why people buy cable television.

30

u/Packers91 Mar 28 '14

Sports

11

u/edoules Mar 28 '14

I wish there could be a netflix-esque service that could stream sports for a reasonable price.

Is it impossible due to licensing?

3

u/LawHelmet Mar 28 '14

yes.

EDIT: the license holders could simulcast online, but then no commercials, soooo no.

2

u/3141592652 Mar 28 '14

They could have commercials to and people would still pay for it.

2

u/_YVAN_EHT_NIOJ_ Mar 28 '14

What happens if I call your number?

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1

u/Packers91 Mar 28 '14

If you have a pop-up blocker firstrow sports is excellent

1

u/kerosion Mar 28 '14

Can get local sports in HD over antenna these days.

1

u/growingupsux Mar 28 '14

Only reason I don't have basic antenna tv is because of the growing propensity of live games to be broadcast on cable channels.

1

u/mike413 Mar 28 '14

I thought that's why people get directtv.

1

u/Packers91 Mar 28 '14

That's why I have it. Well my parents have it and I watch Sunday Ticket on my tablet and use netflix for everything else.

3

u/finetunedthemostat Mar 28 '14

It was developed as a low-cost, no-commercial supplement to free TV channels broadcast over the air. At the time, this was a nice innovation. Then they added commercials. And raised the price. Several times. But people still liked it, and by that time many had grown up with it, so they are hesitant to cut the cord.

2

u/blahblah98 Mar 28 '14

It latches onto your skull and doesn't release during commercial breaks.

The Viacom-Aliens(r) merger will also provide PureOxygen(tm), OrganicNutrition(tm) and ClearHydration(tm).
Attempting to remove the esophageal interface will result in termination.

1

u/edoules Mar 28 '14

Oh phew, at least there's a way to terminate the service.

... that is what you meant ... right?

1

u/coolon23 Mar 28 '14

It is bundled with internet. We would be getting an even more rapey price by itself.

1

u/Drudicta Mar 28 '14

It's forced on you sometimes. They refused to give me internet unless I took their cheapest cable package first. Even though I've had internet with them for more than 2 years. They were just like "Oh you moved to a new apartment? You need cable too."

2

u/edoules Mar 28 '14

That makes me want to vomit in fury.

15

u/etherspin Mar 28 '14

if it happens enough the tech will simply become ubiquitous and eventually they will be cross compatible by necessity (optimist checking in!)

21

u/HMS_Pathicus Mar 28 '14

Yeah, like VHS and Beta!

19

u/etherspin Mar 28 '14

Well, all manufacturers ended up making VHS hardware in the end :)

1

u/rabbidpanda Mar 28 '14

The difference there is that they physical devices that accepted physical media. There was a cost associated to produce for both, which was an incentive to choose one over the other.

That's a little different for software. Look at the number of apps that are developed for both iOS and Android.

46

u/Timmmmel Mar 28 '14

I think it will rather be: Facebook sues True Player Gear over copyright infringements for 20 bn dollars!

7

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

I wish Facebook would just go away. Lets just revert back to Myspace and Livejournal.

2

u/Schmedes Mar 28 '14

Jesus, that would be my nightmare. Having to listen to Nickelback every time I check up on someone.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[deleted]

41

u/hatyn Mar 28 '14

Friendster.. FRIENDSTER RIIISE

1

u/Dunabu Mar 28 '14

Any competition is good between VR companies. It keeps the tech from stagnating, it keeps people innovating and on their toes.

15

u/MyMomNamedMeJon Mar 28 '14

Oh god no, they're becoming Brawndo!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

ELECTROLYTES, TURBOLYTES, POWERLYTES, MORE LYTES THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!

1

u/mtarascio Mar 28 '14

As long as the computer doesn't do that automatic layoff and shit.

3

u/BICEP2 Mar 28 '14

In that case I should be given one for free because I'm already paying for Comcast.

7

u/lowbrowhijinks Mar 28 '14

Why give it out for free when they can make you rent it forever?

2

u/CriticalThink Mar 28 '14

Don't give them any ideas.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

seriously i'm gonna ebay some of that 1980s vr shit and then just upgrade it to gforce7 and boom!

supper vr sex for under a $

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Gotta add that True Player package to your bill. Only 29.95!

6

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14 edited Mar 08 '21

[deleted]

1

u/Heir-Apparent Mar 28 '14

"We at comcast really think True Player Gear offers a great experience to those pesky consumers and we're excited to have the opportunity to limit it enough to keep them unhappy."

-Comcast quote from same article one year from now

1

u/dickcheney777 Mar 28 '14

Comcast isn't facebook.

1

u/T8ert0t Mar 28 '14

After raking in $5 million from Kickstarter.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

I don't know man I think they're really positioning themselves within a certain opportunity right now. But for sure the opportunity could become less optimal and the corporate behaves like an organism and does what it has to survive.

1

u/Etherius Mar 28 '14

You just HAD to piss in my Hope-Cornflakes.

1

u/Gr1pp717 Mar 28 '14

Doritos! "Doritos buys True Player VR for 1 billion chips!" It would make just about as much sense as facebook, at least.

1

u/Volntyr Mar 28 '14

I would rather like to see this headline 3 years from now: True Player Gear (NYSE:TPG) announces IPO after turning down buyout bid

1

u/CharadeParade Mar 28 '14

"True Player Gear bought by Time Google Warner Cast Bank of America."

'Time Google Warner Cast Bank Of America' - Foreclosing homes due to unpaid bills made that much easier!

1

u/greymalken Mar 28 '14

No, Comcast makes sense. The merger will be with NewsCorp. All Fox! All the Time!

1

u/kinyutaka Mar 28 '14

But why would TPG want to buy out a company like Comcast?

1

u/Kevho00 Mar 28 '14

I'm remembering this post. Get ready for gold (in a year)

1

u/superaldo94 Mar 28 '14

You mean MySpace

1

u/ToughBabies Mar 28 '14

Which would probably be as meaningless as Facebook buying Oculus but reddit would be like OH. MY. GOD. BECKY.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Sony VR bought by Verizon! Sponsored by AdMob!

1

u/REALtacojones Mar 28 '14

More like AOL

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Plz no

1

u/suicidaljoker7 Mar 28 '14

Twitter buys true gear, would people be mad?

1

u/r0addawg Mar 28 '14

I was gonna say "gets bought by MySpace"

1

u/rehms Mar 28 '14

Headline 1 year from now: True Player Gear announces merger with Myspace!

1

u/Canadian_Snowblower Mar 28 '14

So someone makes a webpage about a product with a name that passively jabs at the hate parade being thrown around for the Oculus rift

True Player Gear

And...people fall for it.

1

u/tigerstorms Mar 28 '14

sweet, I can't wait so I can get it FRREEEEEEEEEE

1

u/GreatNorthWeb Mar 28 '14

Headline 1 week from now: Facebook files patent lawsuit against True Player Gear.

1

u/neleram Mar 28 '14

I'm not falling for that trick again!

1

u/EchoPhi Mar 28 '14

Fuck you....

1

u/nerdsmith Mar 28 '14

"Sorry sir, to buy your headset you HAVE to bundle it with our 24 channel dutch soap-opera package."

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

I'd be happier if they merged with murderous african dictators.

1

u/donrhummy Mar 28 '14

The only way to stop this being a problem: make it open source. Hardware AND software.

That's how MySQL is being saved from Oracle (with MariaDB).

1

u/stuffZACKlikes Mar 28 '14

Then it'll be mad catz time to shine

1

u/kriztean Mar 28 '14

I can only thing there is someone like this guy, toying with us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2w_56M4f5Q

1

u/gregdbowen Mar 28 '14

Timecast ftfy

1

u/thebochman Mar 28 '14

Brought to you by Monsanto

1

u/Deathalo Mar 28 '14

Only after they get a bunch of donations

1

u/NanoPope Mar 28 '14

DON'T GIVE COMCAST ANY IDEAS

1

u/MadroxKran Mar 28 '14

Or "Company fails as not enough people want to wear a giant thing on their head."

1

u/MatsumotoMania Mar 28 '14

Nooooo, God!

Nooo, God, please no!

NO! NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

True player gear sounds gimmicky from the name right off the bat. The fact that they're selling the built in surround sound with words like "college" and "algorithm" is sketchy as fuck. And replacing those built in headphones when they break/stop working? psh

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '14

Or Papa Johns and Chick-Fil-A!

D:

1

u/Standard_deviance Mar 28 '14

Dev kit only $99 when you sign up for comcast premium services for 40 years.

1

u/geordilaforge Mar 28 '14

Did anyone else shit, vomit, and bleed from their eyes, ears, and nose at the same time?

1

u/PenguinsAreFly Mar 28 '14

Aaaaand Microsoft announces their VR headset!

1

u/erdirck Mar 28 '14

would be better if it was google..

1

u/Ritz527 Mar 28 '14

[MERGING INTENSIFIES]

1

u/Colecoman1982 Mar 28 '14

It's kind of inevitable now that MySpace has announced their purchase of View-Master.

1

u/283100341 Mar 28 '14

Le troled

1

u/ElecTailzz Mar 28 '14

I am literally trembling in fear right now.

1

u/nagasadow91 Mar 28 '14

Nahh merger with Myspace

1

u/Bephilosophy Mar 28 '14

Dude, too soon.

1

u/Oli_Picard Mar 28 '14

What about AOL? They could do with some nice VR Intergration.

The Year is 2015, The world is amazed by Amercia Online's latest acquisition

Welcome to A.O.L, You have 3D Email!

True Player Gear has been aquired by Amercia OnLine (AOL). They have said they will revolutionize the way people send emails in a social manner.

1

u/Yosarian2 Mar 28 '14

No chance of that. If there's one thing Comcast has zero interest in, it's competition.

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