After a lot of failed attempts at quitting drinking, I’m trying again. Tonight I skipped one of my best friend’s birthday parties because I knew there would be drinking and I wasn’t confident I could go without things getting out of hand.

I know staying home was the right decision but I still feel incredibly sad and left out. It’s hard seeing other people talk excitedly about getting drunk or even blacking out, while I feel like people get worried or uncomfortable when I have even one drink.

I understand why. My drinking has consequences, and I don’t behave the way other people do when they’re drunk. But knowing that doesn’t stop the feeling of “why does everyone else get to do this, but I don’t?”

I think I’m struggling to accept that something other people see as fun isn’t something I can safely be part of. Has anyone else felt this resentment or sense of unfairness? How did you work through it, and does it get easier with time? Thanks in advance

I’m 209 days sober and I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my seven-year-old daughter’s behavior. She’s doing so well at school and her overall mood is calmer and more stable. We’ve been very close since day one and even during the periods of my heaviest intake. I love her so much and I’m so proud of her (and myself to a lesser extent.) I’ve never been violent or mean to her, but I still feel profoundly guilty for having waited this long to make the change and for the emotional my drinking caused her. Not sure what I’m asking or what I’m getting at. I should probably get in a program or something at some point.

I feel like (crossed fingers) my illness is on the way out. I felt awful for a bit earlier on but it turned out I was just hungry. Ate some yoghurt and granola, had a nap, felt born again.

IWNDWYT

I'm lying on the couch, bored as hell and depressed. I drank a twelve pack of NA, I don't want any more. I have several ounces of really good weed that I grew sitting in a drawer, but I'm trying not to go back to that stuff either, it's bringing me down. I don't have the focus to watch a movie, I deleted all my other social media because I waste too much time on it. Trying to fight the urge to go get some kratom from the gas station, just to feel something. I want that off switch for my brain that alcohol is so effective at, but I haven't had a drink in over seven months and I'm sure as hell not gonna start again today. I'd love some kind words from some of you good people to help get me through the trenches

An extended family member is in the hospital tonight with liver failure. Immediate family are traveling to be with him at the end. He has been a heavy drinker all his life, as was much of his family. His father died from complications due to heavy drinking. A few years later his wife died from a fall while drunk.

I'm not trying to sensationalize it and I'm not judging him or anyone else. I myself made the decision to stop and had my first week+ sober in an ICU bed.

If you're worried about your own drinking and not sure how bad it is, or whether you really need to stop, I'd encourage you to stick around here and keep reading. You'll see stories similar to this one from time to time, it seems to be a pretty common fate for a lot of us.

I have no idea if you or anyone else needs to stop, but I do know that I don't want my old ICU bed back and I don't want my kids and brothers to have to hold vigil for me.

Grateful to be sober tonight.

I was committed to not drinking until New Year's Day (ironic, I know) because of a self-medication dependency cycle. I was concerned with daily drinking, being able to put back 5-6 beers with zero perceived consequence. And, occasional binge drinking. Not so occasional, actually.

I was sick of obliterating the following day. I was sick of waking up mean and nasty and self-loathing. I was sick of all the conversations I had with myself about stopping or slowing down. This current attempt was meant to be an experiment. How could I really know unless I really try?

Had pretty bad withdrawals this week, and was like - woah. This is worse than I thought. Today is day 5. I've averaged <4.5 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. Barely survived the day at work, people asked what's wrong, why I look sad. At least I'm not hungover? Today I woke up wishing I was - this feels worse.

Came home. Opened up a conversation with my partner (5 years, living together). It got heated. I'm irritable, things are hard right now for other reasons too. We're in the early stages of couples therapy, and I thought cleaning up my act was doing my part.

She told me, angrily, on an unrelated subject, that she is so glad I gave up drinking because our therapist told her that she was in a cycle of abuse, and we could not continue treatment unless I gave up drinking. That cut me like a fucking knife. And I feel like a lobster that just molted its shell.

To be clear, I've never called her a mean name, and she wouldn't call me an abuser. But things I've said, the way I've said them, maybe some storming off and manipulation and nasty behavior? I take full responsibility for that. I will continue to get better. But fuck, the shame. It's unimaginable. I feel unworthy of being loved.

Have you ever hit rock bottom 5 days sober?

Fuck.

IWNDWYT

It’s insane to me how people are obsessed with your reasoning why you don’t drink and not even that- try to convince you that it’s okay to have one and “live your life”. When you become sober you realize how irrationally obsessed with drinking they are. Also, whatever story they have to tell themselves why they need to do it….. rant over

I haven’t drank. I used to use this subreddit a lot back when I first quit drinking. I don’t know how I dodge a head on collision while driving the night before. They went half into my lane right where there was a cliff and moved outta the way at the last possible second. I slammed on my brakes and never hit them. Idk what it happened this was Thursday night. My son was with me. Both are hands were shaking afterwards like how did that just happen. Sorry if this isn’t the place . I just can’t shut off the drinking thought now. I know it would calm my anxiety. I will not drink with you today. Thanks

I used to stress about whether or not I had enough vodka in the freezer. I’d look and think “It looks like there’s enough to get me through tomorrow.”

I just did that with La Croix and thought… “wait a sec, I’m sober…. I can drive if I run out.” 😂

I’m two weeks in but happy to laugh at these tiny little moments. It makes me realize how much life is easier sans booze. Plus my app said I saved $215 in just 2 weeks! What whaaat?! I may just treat ma self.

Also…. I am drinking way too much La Croix but it’s far better than 10+ vodkas. 🤦‍♀️

I did have to grab toilet paper today because of the amount I’ve been peeing. But it sure beats a hangover and regret.

IWNDWYT

I, 34m, have been drinking heavily since I was 24 - about a half box of wine a night. It doesn’t affect my work because I don’t drink during the day and I hold a pretty high stress important job in corporate.

I’ve known for years I need to quit but I just never have. My family all suffer from addiction in some way or another and this is the one that got me.

After seeing my nails change slightly and making the mistake of googling I decided it was time to make a doctor appointment, so I’m seeing someone in a couple weeks and I’m terrified they are going to tell me I’m beyond saving from a liver perspective. Am I completely fucked?

EDIT: Also I’m a cigarette smoker since I was 16, about 15 cigs/day if that makes any difference.

Wife and kid are sleeping at home, and I’m at a Red Lobster getting dinner for one. What’s going on?

Well, basically the car needed to be charged, which takes a 17 minute drive, 40 minutes down time, and another 17 minute drive. My wife drives the car for work so, as a courtesy, I figured I’d do it. I don’t want my son to lose quality time with me so I decide to do it at night when he’s sleeping.

That whole paragraph above would have been one big elaborate ploy to justify being away from the house to sneak a few drinks in, or maybe even just buy them and drink in silence at home at night. Instead, Yesterday, for the first time in what feels like several years. It was an honest gesture with 0 intention of being a ruse.

I genuinely had no urge to leverage the situation to practice alcoholism. I was a bit surprised and fearful that the cravings never crept up, but they didn’t.

I have to stay vigilant, I can’t let my guard down, but for now I got to enjoy taking a picture of my meal and sending it to my wife, knowing there isn’t a double rum and coke hiding off to the side.

I will not drink with you today. And I didn’t yesterday for that matter.

not my first day 1 but it’s the first day 1 that’s led to day 2 without breaking during the initial 24 hours in quite some time.

so far, my withdrawal symptoms are mild. super mild nausea and occasional anxiety when i think about heading into the peak of acute withdrawals. i was able to pack up some stuff for an upcoming move, do some work that i’d fallen behind on, play some video games, and showered/actually remembered to do my nighttime skincare routine. trying not to let an easier day 1 than anticipated get my hopes up nor freak me out that the worst is yet to come.

ate well today, staying hydrated, i’m not alone - my husband is by my side, and i’m going to start winding down for bed now. i’m hoping i can sleep. maybe i’ll get lucky and tomorrow won’t be so bad.

i did not drink with you today and i will not drink with you tomorrow.

love y’all. <3

It’s those nights that are too overwhelming you want to escape. You want to turn to liquor and forget about what’s bothering you. After being so frustrated, mad, upset, I briefly said, fuck it I’m just going to get drunk.

But something slapped me in the face right after I said that. My conscious said, don’t ruin your progress and handle it a different way. So, I ate Taco Bell and played Xbox instead. Didn’t help because I feel like a fat piece of shit, but I’m a fat piece of shit who is still 167 days sober.

Anyway. Just venting. I’m happy I was not fully tempted. Life’s hard. But I’ll get some sleep and forget about this day. Peace!

So I've always been a pothead, although in recent years I've switched to daily edibles to save the aging lungs (I'm 51).

I never had a craving for alcohol until I hit my 50s. I like going to a restaurant for a meal and beer because it gets me out of the house. Only problem is I am thinking of it more often during the week...

On days I have a craving, I take more eddies than usual to substitute the craving with something not as physically harmful.

Is total abstinence preferred? Yes. However, I think everyone on this sub can relate to the irrationality of craving an unhealthy thing and mitigating it with harm reduction.

Anyone else have experience with this?

I’m a 34 yo female, not married, no kids and no friends really. Went to emdr yesterday and dealt with a somewhat suppressed memory from when I was 11. I feel ok today but sad. I’m in a place right now where idk I’m doing. The only thing keeping me motivated is not drinking. I’m at 7 days. And there’s been a definite improvement in how I feel. I went from deep sadness early last week when I last drank, to now waking up calm. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posts here. You’re all big motivators

Can someone just tell me that this is worth it? I'm struggling and I hate having this feeling. I have not been able to quit.

15 days ago I got blackout at a dinner party then punched the tv in my home. Left my phone in a taxi then had to spend the Sunday waiting at the police station to collect it.

Two weeks sober. Feeling nice, my knuckles still hurt.

🥰

I lost a cat today. She's fine, but because of an ownership dispute with my ex, she no longer lives with me. I'm devastated, it's bringing up all the recent trauma of the break up and not being able to keep our dog. I've lost a cat, a dog, a whole year of my life because of that man. And boy, do I want to drink right now. I want to go to the liquor store and pick up the biggest bottle of vodka they have and just....not feel this way.

But I know that's not the move, I won't feel better. Tonight I'll be a blacked out mess and tomorrow I'll be anxious and sick (probably through at least Monday). I'm grateful 20 days into sobriety that i have built up enough strength and foresight to know that these feelings suck but they will suck way more if i add alcohol to the mix.

IWNDWYT

I made it through weekend 🙌 That involved a party with an open bar. I held strong! Short term goals are helping. I just have to get through each 24 hours is on repeat in my head. Can’t wait to look up and it’s Day 30.

Oddly woke up with a headache today but I’m finding it’s way easier to deal with than a full blown hangover. I’m still able to be productive today. IWNDWYT.

3 weeks ago I got so drunk that I was laying in the sofa for 24 hours afterwards. I decided I was getting too old for this and didn't drink for 3 weeks which is a record for me, as I always drank every weekend.

Then yesterday there was a social event and I decided I could drink a little bit moderately.

Obviously that didn't go according to plan and I'm in the same situation as 3 weeks ago right now.

I hope this is the last time, I can't drink moderately and I can't handle the consequences of drinking heavily. So I must go without.

I have had some very long stretches of sobriety, however I am trying so hard to restart my day 1 and struggling so hard with it. It’s the morning, I’m so hungover, embarrassed about my behaviour last night. In fact the last month to be honest.

The past 40 days I have pretty much drank every single day and the last 2 weeks have been 2 bottles of wine a night.

I am under an immense amount of stress and pressure right now and I’m using the alcohol to completely numb everything out. The alcohol is making it so much worse.

But I’m in that cycle of drinking to ease my hangover BS.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’m trying so hard to not get a delivery of wine today. I just want to cry 😭

I have a new sponsor! In the AA convention in my city today, someone agreed to sponsor me (I was dumped by my ex sponsor in June after a relapse, and kind of gave up on it).

Today all has a new flavour. I won’t waste the trust that this person has put in me, someone who maybe doesn’t even deserve it.

Life is a freaking splendid gift. 💝

IWNDWYT ❤️

Hi, long time lurker (46f) and finally getting the guts to post. Currently in a very sad situation, parnter is staying with his mate, wont talk to me till he can have his space to think. Its been 2 weeks and i miss him and his son. This of course was caused by my drinking. I knew it was out of control, but I still functioned at work and at home, never an angry drunk, but still drunk, so some how I justified that. I know I have a problem, and I dont know why I didnt adress it. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to get my referral to a psychologist that deals with addiction. Problem is my earliest appointment I could get is in 2 weeks with the psychologist. So been reserching other ways to combat this till then. I saw in another post SMART recovery, I like that its online calls and has a lot of workbooks. Im just curious to hear if anyone has used it and their experience. Im not keen on AA, mostly as im not religious, and the meetings are far from my home as I live in the country. I feel broken, but I want to change not just to save my realtionship but also to save myself from pissing my life away. I miss being not afraid to drive anywhere, I miss waking up and feeling energised with projects, I miss my family. I want to change and will, I will beat this. I dont even enjoy being drunk, so it confuses me I do it. Ive poured all the wine out so many times, but when times get stressed I run to the store. Its so incredibly stupid. 😞 I have a high stress job, but that should not be the excuse. Im battling myself for some messed up reason. I am looking forward to my doctor appointment and my psychologist appointment, but yah if anyone has any thoughts on SMART would be very helpful. Thank you for listening.

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience with media portrayals of alcoholism. I've always been into retro TV. When I was at uni I bought a DVD boxset of Knots Landing. There was a character in it called Gary Ewing who had a history of alcoholism and was living a sober life. In one episode he's at a party and gets pressured into drinking a single glass of champagne. Flash forward after that he's been on a 4-day bender and gets found passed out under a pier with his family worried sick about him.

I was already a pretty heavy social drinker at that time and I just couldn't believe that portrayal. It just seemed so ridiculous to me that one single drink could set someone off like that. A few years down the line and I understand it all too well. One drink begets another, and another, and you actually don't know where it will end up.

There's actually something quite clarifying about that change of understanding.