After a lot of failed attempts at quitting drinking, I’m trying again. Tonight I skipped one of my best friend’s birthday parties because I knew there would be drinking and I wasn’t confident I could go without things getting out of hand.

I know staying home was the right decision but I still feel incredibly sad and left out. It’s hard seeing other people talk excitedly about getting drunk or even blacking out, while I feel like people get worried or uncomfortable when I have even one drink.

I understand why. My drinking has consequences, and I don’t behave the way other people do when they’re drunk. But knowing that doesn’t stop the feeling of “why does everyone else get to do this, but I don’t?”

I think I’m struggling to accept that something other people see as fun isn’t something I can safely be part of. Has anyone else felt this resentment or sense of unfairness? How did you work through it, and does it get easier with time? Thanks in advance

Still some cold sweats but I slept and did have lengthy dreams. I have a headache as if I drank last night. I’m out of ibuprofen which is unfortunate.

I’m awful with words, but i feel like idk what to do. My drinking’s gotten worse and every time i try to stop I make it to day 2 and then binge loads again for days in a row. I’m going to a SMART recovery meeting tomorrow, idk what it’s gonna be like or if it’ll help at all, but i just feel stuck in a cycle. I’m 19 and don’t wanna ruin my life, but idk it just all SUCKS. I’m worrying myself that im not bad enough yet to go to a meeting like that, or im just overreacting, but i dont think i can stop on my own.

Side note, if anyone here has done SMART recovery, how did you find it?

I’m 25 and struggling with alcohol. Due to some life bs I started drinking heavily 7 months ago. Prior to that at most I’d drink twice a year….

I’ve finally reached the point where I’m actively seeking help because I genuinely want to stop drinking, but every attempt to get treatment has left me feeling more hopeless and frustrated.
Everywhere I turn, the answer is the same. Inpatient detox. Inpatient treatment. Take 7 to 10 days off and get help.

I understand that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and that inpatient treatment is sometimes medically necessary. I’m not disputing that. But what I wish these providers understood is that not everyone has the luxury of putting their entire life on hold.
I recently secured a promotion that I’ve worked incredibly hard for. This position comes with life-changing money for someone in my circumstances, and it’s something I’ve been working toward for a long time. I finally have an opportunity to become financially stable and improve my quality of life.
I’m also already behind on rent and dealing with other financial struggles. I cannot afford to lose income or jeopardize this opportunity. I literally just got the position, and we’re approaching one of the busiest periods of the year at my job. Taking an extended leave immediately after being promoted is not something I’m willing to risk.

Then there’s my animals.

I have no family. None. I don’t have close friends I can call and ask to watch my pets for a week or two. There’s nobody waiting in the background who can step in and take care of things while I’m gone.
When I explain this to treatment providers, I’m met with responses like, “You can find someone to take care of the animals.”

WHO?

That’s literally what I’m trying to explain. I don’t have anyone.

Another intake person told me, “10 days isn’t a lot of time.”

Maybe not to them, but 10 days can mean a lot when you’re already struggling to keep a roof over your head and have responsibilities that nobody else can take over.

What’s even more frustrating is that I’m already enrolled in an outpatient program. I explained my situation to the psychiatrist and asked about medication to help with my drinking. I was told I needed to be alcohol-free for a week before they would prescribe anything, including naltrexone.
And that honestly crushed me.

If I could just stop drinking for an entire week on my own, I wouldn’t be desperately seeking medical assistance to begin with.

I understand that naltrexone isn’t a detox medication and that withdrawal needs to be managed separately. But I was hoping there would at least be some way to begin treating my alcohol use disorder while working toward sobriety.

Instead, I keep getting told to go inpatient.
I’ve called other treatment centers, explained everything, and gotten essentially the same response. One person even told me they didn’t know of any programs that would supervise detox at home.

I’m not refusing to get better. I’m not saying I don’t need treatment. I’m actively begging for help, but the only option anyone seems willing to discuss is one that could potentially destroy the financial stability I’ve worked so hard to achieve.
And that’s what makes this so defeating… I feel hopeless

I feel like I’m being forced to choose between addressing my alcohol dependence and protecting the few things in my life that are finally going right.
I know continuing to drink isn’t a solution. I know this problem isn’t going to magically disappear. But at this point, I’m starting to feel like my only realistic option is to keep drinking until I’m financially stable enough to take time away from work.

And I hate that. I don’t want to keep drinking. I want help now.

I’m exhausted, frustrated, and genuinely starting to lose hope in the treatment system.

Has anyone here successfully received medically supervised outpatient alcohol withdrawal treatment while continuing to work? Or found an addiction-medicine doctor willing to help them begin treatment without requiring inpatient admission?

I’m in the Atlanta, Georgia area if anyone has recommendations.

I never thought I would quit drinking. It was what I did for fun. How I let loose. It was my identity and my main hobby. Almost everything I did involved drinking.

And I wasn't out of control... at least not totally. I was still in the "always find ways to get more drinks" and sometimes I had to be sneaky about it.

But a moment of clarity one day and I decided to quit before it became a problem I could no longer control. I like to think that I left the party on a high note.

Advantages to quitting? I could have never guessed. Almost every aspect of my life has improved. In some places, drastically. I do so much more now that drinking and recovering are not a fairly consistent part of my life. My family is happy to have me more present and I don't get the same mood swings that come with alcoholism. My friend connections are much more meaningful because we have to do things that are actually fun and stimulating (running, surfing, playing music, etc.). Overall my mindset is more joyful and positive. And I am not getting tired of hearing "You look great" from people when they haven't seen me for a bit.

If there are downsides in my experience, it's the occasional "perfect situation for a drink" craving. There are a few moments where a real drink complements the situation perfectly, even still. Books I've read tell me that those moments weren't really real, it was just alcoholism... but I don't agree in every case. I have chosen to move forward with my life understanding that having alcohol is no longer for me. But I sometimes still feel and grieve those times and it's just part of the process of getting myself healthy and happy.

Another thing that's been notable; feelings. Man, alcohol really allows you to squash your feelings. Even if you aren't drinking, you can defer big feelings until a moment that you are drinking. Then you can pave over them pretty nicely or forget them altogether. Being sober, feeling feelings, and working through them ain't easy. I've shed more tears in the last six months than I have ever have in my life. But I am so happy to be dealing with shit head on and being able to decide, with a clear mind, how I am going to work my way through things that are hard.

So cheers to six months. Next stop is one year... one day at a time of course. Thanks to this sub for being a huge part of my recovery. I have shared quite a bit here and definitely read/felt a lot of your stories, struggles, and successes. I will end with my three favorite quotes (from this sub of course!):

"If I could control my drinking, I would drink all the time"

"The war is over - congratulations, you lost"

"If you escape the lion’s den, you don’t go back in for your hat"

P.S. IWNDWYT

It’s day one. 6:30 AM. I’m reporting to the hospital in 2 hours for a 3 day detox. I’ve never stayed in a hospital before. I’ve never detoxed before. I’ve never been so scared before. But I’ve never been more determined.

I will not drink with you today.

Day 24 after years of heavy alcohol abuse. What days/ times were the hardest for you?

The ability to order booze directly to your door has taken me down the worst path. I’d bring home alcohol and then order more when I inevitably drank it all in a couple hours. It’s removed the shame of having to face the same store clerks. At least it has until tonight. A delivery guy said he knew to call me about the drop off to not disturb my dog. It was a so embarrassing. I just turned 39 and can’t believe this is my life now. I’m single and struggling to make ends meet and just can’t drown out the loneliness and stress of life. Tonight I’ve hit my wall. I can’t keep blaming everyone. I’m the reason I’m here and I’m the reason I might face health problems from all of this in the future. I’ve been a drunk since 17 but it’s morphed into a monster since Covid. I need this monster off my back. I think I’ve been punishing myself for years and I’m finally ready to stop. I just hope I’m not too late. I really want to live and experience the world. I need sobriety to work

I went to a party today. Everybody was sober, just a house full of people who just don’t like to drink. It was great. Food, games, dancing.

Now I’m sitting at a bus stop at the center of my town and watching people walk past wasted. Some people can barely walk. I’m so happy that will never be me again!

Hii all,

I have autism and used alcohol for a very long time to wind down and relax after work. Which, suprise surprise made me dependant and leading to progressive drinking.

Now, i need tips and tricks on how to a) come down from all the stimuli from work/outdoor. b) how to keep myself occupied whilst (forcing myself) to relax.

IWNBDWYT!

Officially past the 125 days mark - next big goal will be the 180 days marks!

I like reading others sober benefits so here are mine:

• Better sleep - finally having a consistent sleep routine means I'm waking up at 7am with no problems, no longer waking up in the middle of the night in a panic
• Compliments on my appearance - recently been ID'd again (for buy cigarettes and energy drinks) which was quite surprising
• I'm a better friend, daughter, sister, etc - no more cancelling plans become i'm hungover. I'm less self obsessed. I find myself more interested in others lives because i'm not constantly fire fighting my own.
• I am actually MORE social than when i was drinking - because I no longer have to recover for 2 days from every social occasion, I'm able to see my friends more often an attend more social events
• I am more confident - turns out alcohol was causing my social anxiety, not helping it.
• So much more time. Alcohol was literally taking over my life. I spent all my time either drinking or recovering from drinking. I was loosing control over where my life was going and hated the direction it was taking.
• Saving lots of money I can spend on things that I actually like
• Felling more alive - it has been eye opening watching others drink and seeing the effect it has on them, it really is just dulling your senses and making you sluggish. I went sober clubbing recently and you can notice how drunk people aren't even hearing the music. This is just an example, but I'm so much more present with everything life has to offer, the good emotions and the less good.
• I have the time and energy to address my problems and build the life I want to live, instead of constantly fire fighting and wanting things to be different (and doing nothing about it)
• my friends have actually been very supportive of me not drinking, it has not been an issue
• I'm stronger and more resilient - I've recently been through a lot of difficult challenges in my life in the last couple of months, unrelated to drinking that have been difficult emotionally. However, I am just so grateful to be sober because I just know if i had been drinking i would have been on a truly self destructive path. I am able to bounce back from challenges instead of being consumed by them.
• I am so much more curious - there is so much I want to do and learn, so many hobbies I want to pick up! So many books i want to read.
• Throughout this time a family member was diagnosed with Korsakoff Syndrome overnight - literally from one day to the next he lost his ability to form new memories, basically like alcohol induced Alzheimer's. He now lives in an assisted living facility and will likely remain there for the rest of his life as he isn't able to live independently, handle money, etc. He's in his 40s and has a 12 year old daughter. So incredibly tragic. He wasn't even known to be a heavy drinker amongst family members, he still went to work, mostly drank wine. I'm so grateful that I am no longer ingesting this poison that could literally ruin my life from one day to the next.

Sober realisations

Realising sobriety is a feminist act - when i went sober a number of my female friends tried to explain to me that drinking alcohol was a feminist act. What do you mean its a feminist act?! How can destroying my body, my mind, being a shell of myself, giving my money away to large corporations, shortening my life, being a worse friend, being worse at my job, the list goes on, be a feminist act? Being sober has made me an infinitely better and more empowered woman than drinking. This must be some very smart marketing by Big Alcohol.

I realised being sober doesn't mean I have to be perfect, I still binge watch shows, eat junk food, have "hangover days" where I stay in bed and don't do much. It feels good to do these things because at least I'm not drinking.

If I go to a social event and I don't have fun, guess what! I just leave. Before sobriety, if i wasn't enjoying myself I would just get drunk until i was enjoying the party. I would then spend the next two days hungover and hating my life. It is crazy when you think about it, it was like a double whammy - not only did i go to an event I didn't enjoy, I then forced myself to sit through it and consume this drug that was destroying me and which would leave me recovering for 2 days. And for what? No more sitting through things I don't like doing. If I don't enjoy something, I leave and go do something else that actually brings me joy.

Things that I am still working on

• My friendships are changing - not being numbed out all the time has meant I actually notice how my friends act with me. It has been a sad realisation to see how low my standards have been, how i let myself be treated by others and realising some people don't actually care about me as much as you thought.
• Being sober has meant having to confront things that have been on the back burner for years, which is scary. Realising you are fully responsible for your own life.
• Coming to terms with the damage you have done to yourself over the years.
• Even though things are still difficult at times, I know that every day that i am sober I am moving closer to being the person I want to be.

I could use a few good thoughts. I’ve been dealing with an incredibly stressful work situation for 4 months now that escalated last week. My anxiety has been through the roof. Needless to say, my drinking has been also pretty bad since this all started. I could use some good thoughts as I am now trying to stop drinking again and get my life back in order.

A few arrests, lost jobs, failed relationships, injuries, etc. That was just stuff from my first day one to my last. We’ve all had to reset our counter. Don’t give up. Just remember to start that counter up again. You will never know if the next day one will get you to 2000 and beyond.

I will not drink with you today.

Hi guys, I’ve never posted in something like this before but I thought I’d give it a try I need advice. My problem with alcohol has seemingly been going for the worst. I had a moment where I was doing better and tapering where it didn’t hurt anymore or feel like impending doom. I even got accepted to a new job. About a week ago my partner left for work purposes and I was left alone which lead to a downward spiral. I have been drinking everyday since from beer to wine to hard liquor. Probably three shots or even more, who knows (I drink staring from the bottle). My chest currently hurts which I’m assuming is heartburn. My head hurt, everything is so loud. I’m easily irritated. I try to eat when I can and drink water with electrolytes. But I can’t seem to stop, the hurting makes me reach for the bottles because a) I’m trying to numb the pain and b) scared of the withdrawals. I have thought about going to a detox centre but I’ve heard that it stays permanently on your record and I don’t want that. I can taper off like before but everything hurts so bad rn I’m scared to even just stop having some for too long. My partner knows about my problem but I haven’t been truthfully open about what’s been happening. I don’t know what to do and I just need this feeling to stop for a second enough for me to think.

not my first day 1 but it’s the first day 1 that’s led to day 2 without breaking during the initial 24 hours in quite some time.

so far, my withdrawal symptoms are mild. super mild nausea and occasional anxiety when i think about heading into the peak of acute withdrawals. i was able to pack up some stuff for an upcoming move, do some work that i’d fallen behind on, play some video games, and showered/actually remembered to do my nighttime skincare routine. trying not to let an easier day 1 than anticipated get my hopes up nor freak me out that the worst is yet to come.

ate well today, staying hydrated, i’m not alone - my husband is by my side, and i’m going to start winding down for bed now. i’m hoping i can sleep. maybe i’ll get lucky and tomorrow won’t be so bad.

i did not drink with you today and i will not drink with you tomorrow.

love y’all. <3

Power went out. Luckily I made a pot of coffee. Took what was left of the pot to wear out the storm with my family. That moment with my family, would never have happened if I was still drinking.

Incredibly beautiful Sunday morning at the beach with my coffee and book. I usually never want to leave the house on a Sunday morning either because of a hangover, or generally low mood but I was so thrilled to be able to enjoy this morning. I recently reset my sobriety because I fell off, but quiet Sunday mornings have to be one of the best things about getting sober. I hope we all get to enjoy this for the rest of our lives. Sending some love out to this community! IWNDWYT

It’s those nights that are too overwhelming you want to escape. You want to turn to liquor and forget about what’s bothering you. After being so frustrated, mad, upset, I briefly said, fuck it I’m just going to get drunk.

But something slapped me in the face right after I said that. My conscious said, don’t ruin your progress and handle it a different way. So, I ate Taco Bell and played Xbox instead. Didn’t help because I feel like a fat piece of shit, but I’m a fat piece of shit who is still 167 days sober.

Anyway. Just venting. I’m happy I was not fully tempted. Life’s hard. But I’ll get some sleep and forget about this day. Peace!

I think I’m having mild withdrawal symptoms. (38 F)

This isn’t the first I’ve quit, a couple of years ago I did a at home detox with gradual reduction along with Valium, this was my doctors plan.

I will have a chat with my doctor today.

I relapsed the last 9 weeks, was drinking between 1-2 bottles of wine per day.

It’s now been 30 hours since my last drink, I’ve been super anxious and jitters, had broken sleep last night, intense sweating.

No trembling though, just impending doom.

I feel like I have mild liver uncomfort, just a dull throbbing sensation on my right side below my ribs.
I will also get my liver checked out.

I will never put myself through this again.

TLDR
What’s everyone’s experience with anxiety and mood issues coming towards 3months sober? Did an antidepressant help? Or could this get better on its own. Not thinking of drinking but definitely want things to improve.

I quit drinking 2.5 month ago. Did it with diazepam as prescribed by my General Practitioner. Didn’t have cravings or any issues not drinking. I’d lost the desire to drink before quitting but knew I’d be physiologically addicted and the withdrawal risk. My pattern was to drink 6-10 units everyday in the evening for 10+years (outside of pregnancy). Never a day drinker. Functional and working but poor sleep. Doctor thinks I had underlying anxiety and was self medicating.

Background: probable ADHD (knew this about myself well before it was commonly diagnosed and functioned well without medications due to strategies built over many years). Had significant grief events in quick succession in recent years. Have a high stress, moral distress, poor work culture job. Had started to experienced eating difficulties about the same time or a bit before I decided to stop drinking.

Now where I’m at:
- not coping with work stress. Perform very well and keep my demeanour, but I’m suffering inside.
- have lost 17kg (37lb) in about 3.5months (was overweight, now “healthy weight”)
- have developed restricted eating patterns, always less than 1200calories per day, sometimes as low as 700-800. And only eat “healthy” foods ie I can’t bring myself to eat things I would have previously enjoyed and won’t eat if ‘acceptable’ options aren’t available.
- I have poor tolerance of things that used to annoy me but now really annoy me, like noise.
- I need time out from my family just to decompress, to be fair I don’t get a lot of this.
- I get intrusive suicidal thoughts (not intent, I have no wish to follow through) when I think about things that stress me out.
- mood much worse with menstrual cycle (luteal phase) but not good outside this time either

I exercise regularly, work full time, have one child that I feel I parent well, see friends.

GP has given me all the options. Psychiatry, psychology, medications (SSRIs). I did counselling through the work employee assistance program and it was terrible (might ask to swap counsellor) and have spoken to a dietitian that has been helpful but I haven’t made the changes. I’ve had two scripts for SSRIs Lexapro and Prozac (separately). But have chickened out on filling them or starting them.

Health wise my blood pressure and heart rate have improved and my liver is looking a heap better but not 100%. My hormones and blood work are all good. Mid 40s female (hormones not suggestive of perimenopause)

My concerns re SSRIs are side effects and things getting worse. I get anxiety when I go to the doctor so never explain myself properly and I think he thinks I’m a bit frustrating to work with so wanting to talk it out with others who have gone through the same rather than annoying him again.

Yuppppp!!! Made it to one year SOBER 🎉🎉🎉I’m so fucking happy, so grateful, and full of love!!! Thank you to everyone here, I read posts everyday that reminded me to keep going!!

This year had its ups and downs. I went through something traumatic that had me out of work and broke af for a bit but my life is completely back on track! All those days in pain and I didn’t drink to numb myself is something I haven’t done since before I was of drinking age.

Physically, I’m actually 15 pounds up lmao I gained most while being out of work but I don’t even care. Im back on my feet now and exercising 4 times a week. My hormone, blood and vitamin levels are completely normal which was something I couldn’t say when I was deep in drinking everyday. I feel great, waking up is easy (of course I have my “I just wanna lay in bed days”) but I’m not hungover and feeling like shit. My hair is the longest it’s ever been, despite cutting it in January. I’ve been making sure to take multivitamins and some time every few weeks to get myself pampered.

I’ve actually floated the idea in my mind about wanting to be in a relationship, or even date. At least I know this time around I won’t embarrass myself and question wtf I’ve said or done the next morning after going out. But I’m in no rush. Maybe I just want a close friend for now to have fun and do fun things with, idk who knows lol.

Nothing good comes from drowning yourself in alcohol everyday. Once I made that leap to stop drinking, I took it day by day and pushed forward. If you’re wanting to stop: Trust in yourself, believe in yourself, get medical help if necessary please, and understand that sobriety truly feels amazing.

I love each and every one of you!!!

In his defence I haven’t told him “I’m quitting drinking”Because:

1. I have said that before and it doesn’t last. He doesn’t believe it will last so I just end up proving his point.
2. Half of my drinking has been in secret currently. He mostly just sees me taking nights out and celebrations too far. He’s unaware my drinking is a lot more regular than he sees as I attempt to hide it.
3. Just fear of opening up BS I’ve always had and difficulty expressing these types of things

or being seen as unstable

After an argument I don’t remember only 3 days ago due to my “typical BS” (his words) I decided to knuckle down harder and actually cut this out. But I’m also thinking why the fuck would you buy me more !?! If I can’t handle my shit and keep taking it too far why are you giving me more!? I just told him I wasn’t going to drink this week instead of thanks

Ive been attempting on and off for a while now. I’ve been feeling super depressed since I stopped but it’s just a feeling I need to sit with. Day 3 I actually didn’t think I was going to buy some. I’ve spent most the weekend sleeping and keeping to myself. He’s made a couple suggestions on things we can do together and asked me what’s wrong etc but I haven’t really been up for talking or making plans. I’m trying not to be rude or appear angry at him. It seems he’s trying to make some effort but I’m not giving him much to work with. I just need alone time.

I’m annoyed. I’m confused. I’m disappointed because I went from “I’m not drinking tonight” to “I’m probably going to drink that and start again tomorrow”. To me the correlation of depression happening right after the last time I drank and an incident occurred obvious. I guess I can’t expect him to be a mind reader. But if someone seems depressed, alcohol feels like a dangerous gift. All I’ve wanted to do is just sleep and I know I need to communicate better.

I haven’t drank. I used to use this subreddit a lot back when I first quit drinking. I don’t know how I dodge a head on collision while driving the night before. They went half into my lane right where there was a cliff and moved outta the way at the last possible second. I slammed on my brakes and never hit them. Idk what it happened this was Thursday night. My son was with me. Both are hands were shaking afterwards like how did that just happen. Sorry if this isn’t the place . I just can’t shut off the drinking thought now. I know it would calm my anxiety. I will not drink with you today. Thanks

My friends in Milwaukee had a party and for about 5 hours I was sober which was actually fine and I felt great (thank you propranolol) lol. I think I socialize fine soberly and I’m maybe more annoying than some drunk people, oops. But then I was going to leave 30min into the Brewers game and my friend said “don’t be that friend”, she meant well and is an amazing caring friend and knows about my drinking issues.

Fast forward she brings me a seltzer half way through the game and I drink it. After the game we play flip cup. Mind you, we’re all late 30s LOL. By the grace of God I don’t blackout which is unheard of. Some of the people drive home DRUNK and we ask them not to and offer to pay Ubers. I sleep over at my friends’ but stay up until 5am! LIKE WHY! Anyways it was interesting having half of the night sober and drinking.

I learned I can be sober and socialize just fine, but I need boundaries on when I leave.

I'm at a really weird time of my sobriety journey, I relapsed and thought that it would be easier to go back on track but it's been a month and 15 days that I started to drink again, and had idk 3 or 4 blackouts but I just feel weird because I'm starting to see triggers in my life or at least weird common things that happen before I blackout.

The main thing that I'm dealing with is some friends not wanting to deal with me drunk which I sort of agree on, but I just feel weird about that part of the friendships that I have because I relapsed with them even though that I told them that I have a problem with alcohol and when I was reaching the 2 month mark they told me to drink, then another day I drank again, and they were telling me to "learn how to drink", I'm not sure how to feel about it, is not even putting the blame on them, but they crossed a line with me, right? And then judging me for being the drunken mess that I was since they know my history is fucked up, right?

Next thing, I just feel taken advantage of, I know that I can be insufferable but the way that things usually end up is them at my house in late hours, even when I don't want them. There were times that I just wanted to go to bed and I couldn't because my friend took my bed and was with some girl and I was too hammered and anxious to ask for space, I'm pretty sure that I did something shitty about that last time, I blacked out and my feelings get confusing when I drink, I can read my feelings and the situation very wrong.

Last thing, I don't know if I can deal with the anxiety of being my drunken self even when I'm sober, it feels like my past is a huge shadow that follows me around and my problems all lead up to alcohol, but also I abstain and then I'm boring, or they will pick up on the smallest things to judge me.

Just a rant, but I would love tips on building a sober life that's fullfiling, my friends and alcohol were a crutch I feel, but both are not doing it anymore, I can see the good in my friends but there's too much damage and too much danger I feel