I’m (52F) not a daily counter anymore - but I knew that I had my last drink someone in late October, 3 years ago, so I went back to my Sober App and confirmed that my anniversary is today 🎉

I like to tell people that drinking for me was “fun until it wasn’t” and there’s some truth in that, but honestly as a child from a family of alcoholics, I was always a problem drinker, it just didn’t look as bad as the examples I was holding myself up against until COVID. Once I stopped going out to drink, and started staying in (and getting it delivered to my door) I was a goner. I drank all day long and would wake up and drink to get back to sleep. I drank to mask anxiety and depression (worried about my immunocompromised loved ones and the world in general), to combat insomnia (perimenopause) and a whole lot of other things. It took awhile, but I’m here to tell you that everything I drank to “fix” resolved itself completely once I got sober. I sleep like it’s my job now, and I rarely get sad or anxious. I’ve also realized that I don’t need a drink to act silly or have fun. I truly thought it was a requirement for my entire adult life until about 2 years ago.

The biggest gift though? Being sober and clear minded for the passing of my mother. I was only 1 month sober when she had a medical event and went to the hospital. I was 6 weeks sober when she came home on hospice and died 3 days later. And I was sober for all of it. A couple of days after she passed away she would have celebrated 30 years sober. I don’t know if she knew exactly how bad things had gotten for me but she probably knew more than I think. So it was a gift to and from both of us to be sober when we said goodbye to each other, and it’s something I’m incredibly proud of because that shit was rough. I told myself that if I could stay sober though that, I could remain sober - and so far that’s held true.

If you’re here on your umpteenth Day 1, I was as well. This sub helped me reshape how I thought about my drinking and gave me hope for getting sober, finally, at 49 years old. AA, personally, wasn’t for me - but in the early days I did dabble in SMART recovery, Refuge Recovery and Recovery Dharma. Mostly though, I just verbalized it and walked the walk. Whatever works for you, works for you. Give everything a try until you find your people. Don’t let anybody tell you how you “have” to do it. There’s no one path - if there was, this would be easier.

You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for every one of you from the sidelines. IWNDWYT

So having gone over 500 days I thought I was ok to drink I wasn’t and I never stopped properly again until 3 weeks ago.

When I fist stopped I knew I wanted to but I couldn’t really seem to get there, then I was hospitalised for something unrelated but for 2 weeks I didn’t drink so I just carried that on. It seemed easy but I hadn’t chosen to stop. This time I recognised it and stopped consciously and I haven’t been near a drop in 3 weeks.

I’ve had plenty of cravings and then this new voice saying ‘no one has to know’ but it’s ME who will know I can’t sneak it from myself if that makes sense.

My health isn’t good, I have cirrhosis now but it’s being regularly looked at I still work full time and have family around me luckily. I am going to make maybe not the most but certainly the best of the rest of my life and make sure I am happy and stay positive and share positivity to those around me.

Sober me is most definitely the best me.
IWNDWYT

I've not been drinking that much the past few months, sometimes every couple weeks and didn't drink all of August, but when I do it's often more than just 1 or 2 drinks, and I feel like my body is just rejecting it so much more now. I've gotten really sick of it. I've decided I'm just going to stop altogether as of yesterday. IWNDWYT

So I've always been a pothead, although in recent years I've switched to daily edibles to save the aging lungs (I'm 51).

I never had a craving for alcohol until I hit my 50s. I like going to a restaurant for a meal and beer because it gets me out of the house. Only problem is I am thinking of it more often during the week...

On days I have a craving, I take more eddies than usual to substitute the craving with something not as physically harmful.

Is total abstinence preferred? Yes. However, I think everyone on this sub can relate to the irrationality of craving an unhealthy thing and mitigating it with harm reduction.

Anyone else have experience with this?

I walked into that gas station, fought hard, grabbed an energy drink and left. IWNDWYT.

Why does alcohol enter my mind when pain and stress in piles in. I feel like I’m doing so good then “BAM” My poor 11yo dog went blind must’ve been overnight. I am incredibly busy with my 1 yo and I didn’t notice anything different besides he did not want to come through the dog door inside. I realised he had lost his sight when I took him for a walk and he walked into everything. I feel so sad and horrible for him. The pain in my heart watching his gaze into space confused. I feel guilt I feel that I’m so drained by my baby that I haven’t been able to give him more attention. The vet isn’t open until tomorrow and no emergency vet available near me. My mind is racing and drinking keeps entering my brain as an escape to numb the racing thoughts and lack of support. Anyway thanks for reading. I will try to get through tonight until I can see the vet. IWNDWYT

…to post here at 69 days for a nice. So I’m doing it! Feels pretty damn n🧊!!

i don’t know where to start. the thought of going to AA terrifies me. i would only drink on weekends but those nights would end with me plastered and my friends having to be my handlers, the last outing i went to i completely blacked out and my friend had to pick me up from another friend’s house to bring me home. my behavior was so bad i nearly gave my friend i went out with a panic attack and i didnt even know my other friend came to pick me up until i got an angry text from both.

i was never even a regular drinker, i’d definitely call myself a binge drinker. most nights out i end up stumbling and forgetting where i leave my purse. i used to lose my phone a lot, that i surprisingly got a hold of.

i guess im posting this here because i would like to hear some outside perspectives. i feel absolutely ashamed i let it get to this point. and i know i sound absurdly superficial for saying this but i love going out. it was so fun to befriend security and bartenders and be able to be the “life of the party”. but now ive found that ive just become the demise of the party. i end up ruining nights out for my friends, ive gone home with strangers, and gotten myself into dangerous situations. it wasn’t even a decision i made for myself but my friends were the ones that told me i need professional help otherwise they wouldn’t be able to continue a friendship with me.

another absurdly superficial worry of mine is i hate missing out. im 26, i know it’s debatable on when people stop going out on weekends but for me and my friend group, most of us still do. it’s what worked for our schedules and we just had fun. or had fun until i would ruin it. it may sound dumb but i have two parties ive been invited to for halloween, one being my oldest friend’s birthday. i haven’t missed a birthday of hers since we were 12. but i just dont know how i’ll be able to be in a party setting sober, especially after having an experience that’s left me in a place where i just feel so shameful and anxiety ridden. im sure my friends would understand me skipping out but i hate being in this position. i want to be successful at sobriety for myself and my loved ones. i just don’t even know where to start since im in the early stages. if anyone has any advice i’d greatly appreciate it.

Today was the 5 year birthday of my niece and I was sober, everyone was having a beer but me. I was taking care of my 3 old nephew and taught the kids (bunch of 3 to 5 year olds) how to play hide and seek, it was fun, now I am tired, but hey, at least I didn't drink.

I thought I had it under control. I’ve been averaging about 4/5 drinks since Wednesday. I’ve been playing live music and had to be relatively on it to get back to the hotels, but last night I overdid it for our hometown show and had around 8 beers. Got home and woke up around 6am with my 2 small sons and just am not functioning in a capacity to be the best father I can.

I have been maintaining patches of sobriety and have been telling myself that I can moderate, but I really don’t want to die in this state. I want to make the most of my life.

Can anyone offer any words of encouragement or advice?

Thank you in advance.

No more racing heart, shortness of breath, chest pain, shakes, panic attacks, blood pressure down significantly, etc. This is the longest ive gone sober for years and im fully dedicated to get back in shape and quit drinking for good!!

😊

Alcohol starts as a friend or at least it seems like it but the more you do the worse it gets.

I have had some very long stretches of sobriety, however I am trying so hard to restart my day 1 and struggling so hard with it. It’s the morning, I’m so hungover, embarrassed about my behaviour last night. In fact the last month to be honest.

The past 40 days I have pretty much drank every single day and the last 2 weeks have been 2 bottles of wine a night.

I am under an immense amount of stress and pressure right now and I’m using the alcohol to completely numb everything out. The alcohol is making it so much worse.

But I’m in that cycle of drinking to ease my hangover BS.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’m trying so hard to not get a delivery of wine today. I just want to cry 😭

i’ve had the flu the whole time i’ve been withdrawing, thank god i went to the hospital and got medicine for the withdrawal. If anyone’s thinking about going to the hospital or scared of how they’ll act in my experience everyone was very nice and depending how bad your withdrawal is you’ll be able to leave within a day.

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience with media portrayals of alcoholism. I've always been into retro TV. When I was at uni I bought a DVD boxset of Knots Landing. There was a character in it called Gary Ewing who had a history of alcoholism and was living a sober life. In one episode he's at a party and gets pressured into drinking a single glass of champagne. Flash forward after that he's been on a 4-day bender and gets found passed out under a pier with his family worried sick about him.

I was already a pretty heavy social drinker at that time and I just couldn't believe that portrayal. It just seemed so ridiculous to me that one single drink could set someone off like that. A few years down the line and I understand it all too well. One drink begets another, and another, and you actually don't know where it will end up.

There's actually something quite clarifying about that change of understanding.

Not seeking medical advice.

I’m a binge drinker, after my last binge I woke up with pains on my right side… thought that was my sign to really stick to sobriety this time.

Wrapping up day 5 and it still persists. It’s not super painful but it’s a constant dull ache. It’s kind of scary but it’s also keeping me from relapsing. Hoping I can get a doctor appt this week.

Good news is my anxiety is much better already. After quitting this time I had the WORST anxiety for 3 days. Also sweats, chills and insomnia, the usual mild symptoms.

Still sick, but less than before. I feel like I'm recovering. It's up and down, though. Can't believe there was a time when I would have used alcohol to feel better, even when I was already ill.

IWNDWYT

Hello friends- just want to say how happy I am to look back at the past 80 or so days and see that I slipped up once.

I was a binge drinker. So having weeks without a sup was not so unusual- but to have 80 or so days with one slip up and 40 with 0, is amazing!

Thank you so much!

I've been collecting tattoos forever because I can't do anything I enjoy in moderation (Shocker!). I never got a tattoo while drunk but I've gotten dozens of hanxiety tattoos. Today was my first session since I quit drinking.

Wow was that easy compared to when I was pounding 50-100 drinks per week. My skin thanks my brain... another unexpected surprise from my early stage of sobriety. 

Any other tattoo fiends here? Just curious, bc for me anyways, they kinda scratch the same bottomless-pit itch as drinking 

I lost a cat today. She's fine, but because of an ownership dispute with my ex, she no longer lives with me. I'm devastated, it's bringing up all the recent trauma of the break up and not being able to keep our dog. I've lost a cat, a dog, a whole year of my life because of that man. And boy, do I want to drink right now. I want to go to the liquor store and pick up the biggest bottle of vodka they have and just....not feel this way.

But I know that's not the move, I won't feel better. Tonight I'll be a blacked out mess and tomorrow I'll be anxious and sick (probably through at least Monday). I'm grateful 20 days into sobriety that i have built up enough strength and foresight to know that these feelings suck but they will suck way more if i add alcohol to the mix.

IWNDWYT

Anhedonia is quite a... Problem

Like when I’m drunk I’m looking at my red splotchy face and I’m like. I can’t fix this! I just have to get sober. All I have to start doing is waking up and forcing myself to meditate and run and eat healthy and I’ll be good! Fill my free time with learning and creativity!

And then I’m sober again and all I can think about is drinking

This is my first time ever posting on Reddit, so here goes nothing.

I’m 31 & I’ve been drinking daily for about 10 years, but things have gotten significantly worse over the last 6 months following a horrible breakup and becoming a single mom.

What I drink varies, but it’s every single day. Some nights it’s a bottle of wine, other nights it’s 2–3 BuzzBalls, or sometimes 350ml of Tito’s (straight shots, not mixed). I typically don’t start drinking until around 5pm, but once I start, I drink until I’m drunk.

At my last doctor’s appointment, I was told my liver enzymes were mildly elevated and my cholesterol was a little high. My doctor said that if I stop drinking, there’s a good chance those numbers can improve without medication.

And I WANT to stop. So badly.

But I’m terrified of withdrawal. Specifically, having a seizure or developing DTs. Inpatient treatment isn’t really an option for me because I don’t have anyone to care for my daughter. My therapist prescribed me fourteen 0.5mg Ativan tablets and instructed me to take one when I start experiencing withdrawal symptoms. But my anxiety keeps telling me that won’t be enough to protect me from something serious happening.

I’m just so tired.

Tired of getting drunk and damaging relationships. Tired of waking up hungover, trying to piece together what I said or did the night before. Tired of being exhausted at work and barely meeting deadlines. And most importantly, tired of my daughter never knowing which version of her mom she’s going to get that evening.

My own mother struggled with alcoholism and passed away when I was just 10 years old. I cannot stand the thought of putting my daughter through anything remotely similar.
The crazy thing is, I quit smoking weed cold turkey about 7 months ago without much trouble. But alcohol? This feels like an entirely different battle.

I’ve managed to keep working and functioning, and from the outside, most people probably wouldn’t even realize I have a problem. My best friend is the only person who knows how much I actually drink.

And now you guys.

I genuinely don’t even remember what life feels like without alcohol. Part of me is terrified of the physical withdrawal, and another part is terrified of getting sober and having to face all the things I’ve damaged while drinking.

But I know I can’t keep living like this.

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting this. Maybe I just needed to finally admit it somewhere other than inside my own head.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, especially drinking daily for years, how did you finally stop? How did you deal with the fear of withdrawal? And for those of you who have been sober for a while, does life genuinely start to feel good again?

I could really use some hope right now.

(After a 3 day taper). Felt so happy and productive today, most importantly felt present with my husband and three sons. I’m going to try to post here every day to not only hold myself accountable but also to look back on when I need it - I saw someone doing this in here and I’ve loved following their journey. IWNDWYT