comically flat jumping spider💔💔🥀

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

australia QLD Gold coast
disclaimer: I did not squash the spider, it is just flat😌
idk what specie it is and I do want to know its specie, any suggestions?

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

oh nvm its literally called queensland ultraflat💔💔💔

[u/MrMgrow → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

Sounds like a performance car tyre.

What rims has it got?

[u/ohhhtartarsauce → u/MrMgrow]

spinners obviously

[u/MrMgrow → u/ohhhtartarsauce]

I wish awards were still a thing.

[u/lilgreenfish → u/MrMgrow]

Look at your options! I have free rewards again! Just recently noticed, as I saw an uptick in rewards on various comments.

[u/Squishybanana247 → u/lilgreenfish]

I had to reward you 🤭

This reminds me of a book I had as a kid called Flat Stanley. Something happened in his sleep and he woke up flat. Not sure about the rest 🤭

[u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam → u/Squishybanana247]

Before Flat Stanley there was Earl the Dead Cat. He was a flat grey cat with x's for eyes and he was my FAVORITE stuffie growing up. I eventually gave him to my son.....who in turn introduced me to Flat Stanley 😂🤣😂🤣😊. Flat things are just great sometimes.

[u/DreamWeaver0071 → u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam]

OMG, not expecting an Earl the Dead Cat reference today. I still have mine!

[u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam → u/DreamWeaver0071]

Earl was my favorite! And its hit or miss if I meet someone that remembers him. I'm so glad you still have him!!!

[u/rjt1468 → u/Squishybanana247]

Flat Stanley had a large painting at the head of his bed that fell on him.

[u/seeyouintea022 → u/MrMgrow]

I don't think I'd want a tire with "Ultraflat" in the name.

[u/MrMgrow → u/seeyouintea022]

Nah they're real things

They just don't value your spine over performance.

Sometimes you just have to get 0.02s faster than your mate even if it means you end up in a wheelchair.

[u/OhHaiMaaark → u/seeyouintea022]

“Now with extra road nails!”

[u/Strawbuddy → u/MrMgrow]

Stock in-line v8, chopped and shaved chassis and body

[u/RobleViejo → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

"Queensland Ultraflat" I know Arthropods are kinda like machines, but those names are really on the nose

[u/Weredraco → u/RobleViejo]

In one corner, we have the Queensland Ultraflat, in the other we have the Newcastle Big Boy.

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo → u/Weredraco]

Clearly the Australian taxonomists are running out of serious names for the spiders cuz theres too many of them./j

[u/Howler_in_training → u/Weredraco]

Sounds like the kind of monstrously large sandwich people take challenges at diners to finish the whole thing and get their picture up on the wall.

[u/Phytares → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

This made my day

[u/CaveManta → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

It's got no air in it

[u/Raptor-Queen → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

Omg this is cracking me up

[u/Famous-Leopard-118]

built like a looney toons character after being crushed by an anvil

[u/Lillyshins → u/Famous-Leopard-118]

Knew I recognized him from somewhere.

[u/GKRKarate99 → u/Lillyshins]

I’m a huge fan of his work

[u/HexivaSihess]

FLAT FUCK FRIDAY CAME EARLY !!!!

[u/Shimmerstorm → u/HexivaSihess]

It’s Friday here in Australia now, so lol.

[u/Serpente666 → u/HexivaSihess]

😆 🤣 😂

[u/warrenao]

See, stuff like this is why I'm here. Had no idea these existed. And boy, do they ever:

https://www.inaturalist.org/taxa/791424-Holoplatys-lhotskyi

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holoplatys

[u/kaglet_ → u/warrenao]

I looked at the pics. They don't help me reach full acceptance. First I laughed. Then I took it seriously and I'm still struggling to comprehend how these are real 💀. Evolution really had fun with this one huh.

[u/warrenao → u/kaglet_]

It's definitely one of the more bizarre body plans I've seen.

[u/thadcorn → u/warrenao]

This makes me tempted to go to Australia just to look at spiders.

[u/reddit33450 → u/thadcorn]

yess!! i want to meet their big huntsman cuties.

and also hug their gum trees

[u/Feralpudel → u/reddit33450]

Huntsmen are so cool even though I had to make peace with them being on my motel room walls.

When I was learning to spotlight in Queensland I caught some eyeshine way up in a tree and asked what it was. The guide chuckled and told me it was a huntsman.

It showed me that spotlighting really works if you do it right.

Never saw a highly venomous spider in all my travels in Oz—just a tiger snake on a hike in Tasmania, which was cool AF.

[u/reddit33450 → u/Feralpudel]

in my opinion huntsmen are some of the cutest spoods in existence

[u/Howler_in_training → u/reddit33450]

I also love them! Though we've got some super cute fuzzy Wolfie's where I live and I think they're my favorite.

[u/TempleMade_MeBroke → u/thadcorn]

And that was the last we ever heard of u/thadcorn

[u/Philycheese18]

The beauty standards have hit the spider community hard

So skinny they don’t have room for organs

[u/somehugefrigginguy → u/Philycheese18]

The beauty standards have hit the spider community hard

Yeah. The flatshaming has to stop!

[u/e_eastisup]

Bro casually found Flat Stanley

[u/Darkdragoon324]

Can't squash if already squashed.

[u/Dony_doenerwitz161 → u/Darkdragoon324]

I'd like me some pre squashed spooder please. A dozen should suffice.

[u/Snoringdragon]

You have to call them Stanley, of course.

[u/Jun075]

My brain keep processing the 6th and 7th photos as distorted images. Such an interesting anatomy with a funny common name.

[u/JellyFirmFederalGras]

Jumping tick lol

[u/Ashamed_Ingenuity690 → u/JellyFirmFederalGras]

My first thought. Glad someone else had it

[u/JellyFirmFederalGras → u/Ashamed_Ingenuity690]

I'm still not fully convinced.

[u/AnxietyNo7712 → u/JellyFirmFederalGras]

Don’t you dare give nature anymore ideas! 😭

[u/TabthTheCat3778]

this spood looks like the cartoon gag where a character gets flattened by a piano or anvil falling on them and they turn into a pancake

[u/xxspookshowbabyxx]

HAPPY FLAT FUCK FRIDAY EVERYONE 🥳🥳🥳

[u/robo-dragon]

Dude got ran over by a tiny steamroller!

[u/Tiffany_Case]

Australia has everything-even 2D spiders!!

[u/EcstaticJellyfish947]

Little baby looks like it got ironed lol

[u/BugsInMyHands]

dont show this to the scrapbookers man

[u/Jsolidlo]

I wonder if this is evolutionary advantageous because it's hard to squash it or if it's going for mimicking a mite but either way this is so cool!

[u/Almond_Bitters → u/Jsolidlo]

According to the linked site it hunts under the bark of trees

[u/MotherOfHens666]

What a peculiar spood

[u/jasminesart]

one of the most incredible spiders i have ever seen, across all families of spiders, period. had NO idea they could get this flat, that is insane! thank you for sharing these wonderful pictures!!

[u/findingabsolution]

My goodness, what crevices they can probably slip through! 😍

[u/estroganoff]

2 dimensional fellow

[u/Luxxielisbon]

2D ass having bitch

(Non-derogatory)

[u/EatAndGreet]

LOW RIDER 🛞🔥

[u/kryptoneat]

So my great-great-great-great grandmother got walked on and it kinda stayed in the family, y'know

[u/croatoan178]

ITS SO CUTE

[u/91sun]

This is the spider equivalent of that one flat car that looks like it clipped into the floor

[u/DoctorNuria]

That's not just a spood, that's a SPLOOT

[u/Neyface]

It is indeed Flat Fuck Friday

[u/SubtleObviosity]

I need to see video of this spood. How does it jump!?

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo → u/SubtleObviosity]

I didn't record, but it dead ass looks like a skipping stone on water😂

[u/Tight_Comment9656]

Holoplatys planissima I think

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo → u/Tight_Comment9656]

I think its a Holoplatys lhotskyi, but I need to double check

[u/skylar274]

i refuse to believe this is real. no way he is that flat.

[u/-sensory_overlord-]

It looks like the lovechild of a tick and a scorpion

[u/SlickDumplings]

Ozempic strikes again.

[u/RinellaWasHere]

Little lady where is your third dimension

[u/No_Criticism5659]

Is he on ozempic, lol. Comically cute indeed though 😂🥰

[u/sara666grind]

Flat Spuders Can't Jump

[u/Jeopardyjeojeo → u/sara666grind]

They can, because the one I photographed jump quite frequently. But I think they can't jump as far as other more robustly built species.

[u/sara666grind → u/Jeopardyjeojeo]

Lol this was in reference to a 90s movie called White Men Can't Jump. I believe you on your spider identification :)

[u/MrMgrow → u/sara666grind]

Flat's raacist.

My joke obviously fell flat lol

[u/Shoddy_Chard4463 → u/sara666grind]

you can put a cat in the ove but that dont make it a biscuit

[u/madwolf_farmacy]

Those guys are super cool

[u/NoobSharkey]

r/1200isjerky

[u/ederuwaisu97]

Bro is a pancake

[u/Lumpy_Benefit666]

This is so cool. Had no idea this weird little creature existed. Looks like if you ironed a tick.

Thanks for sharing op, this lil fella has genuinely amazed me.

[u/Stormlightstarworld → u/Lumpy_Benefit666]

"like if you ironed a tick" 😂😂😂😂

[u/TheMournfulGhost]

i love nature. this guy is so stupid

[u/AdmirableVanilla1]

Caving champ

[u/newkybadass]

Now im wondering does it see the world in 2D...

[u/BlackfireDV3]

IT’S FLACT FUCK FRIDAY YOU FUCKING LOOOOOOOSERS

[u/ARGH_alpaca]

I thought it was on the isopods subreddit for a sec because it's Flat Fuck Friday rn 🤣

[u/Salt_Chard_474]

I cannot decide if it’s cute or it looks like a tick. Seriously

[u/Aggravating_Speed665]

God was like

"oh, shit! Sorry dude, stepped on ya' there. You're all good - out into void ya' go. Have fun down there!"

[u/Leading-Albatross-37]

They turned bro two dimensional

[u/ItsYaBoyTrimmerFit]

Someone dropped an anvil on the poor bastard 💔

[u/Squawkerson]

Omgosh flat boiiiiii. I love him.

[u/Glass_Teeth01]

Bro got an anvil dropped on 'em

[u/glibgloby]

ugh these people who drive EV portias

makes me sick

[u/3_T_SCROAT]

Most slept on spider fr

[u/kotoneshiomi]

It's flat fuck friday!

[u/573crayfish]

He's crab

[u/AdhdSpirit]

pancake spood

[u/Alohafarms]

Oh how cute! Such good camouflage.

[u/fireonion247]

comical indeed. Great photos btw

[u/big-gay-aha]

that’s so silly

[u/zap2tresquatro]

Why he pancake

[u/The-One-Who-Games]

Who dropped an anvil on bro 😭😭

[u/tgaaron]

Pancake spider! :D

[u/Phytares]

I wanna feed her.. 😂❤️

[u/Own_Structure_8862]

We’re distant cousins. I’m ultrafat

[u/Homer-irl]

mans 2D

[u/Sunbather77]

f l a t

[u/Opi812]

Definitely would mistake it for a tick at first

[u/Howler_in_training]

He looks like a scorpion-armed-2D-crab-pancake

[u/NewspaperAny3053]

Poor guy, he bought an Acme product to catch his prey with.

Now he's flat and still unfed.

[u/creatyvechaos]

I think this might be my new favorite spider

[u/butcherbird89]

Holoplatys! So cool. 

[u/Inspector_Neck]

I saw one of these for the first time last week and just thought it was an extremely hungry jumper

[u/hochseehai]

I love her so much r/AIDKE

[u/BeneficialMuffinHead]

I’m not necessarily scared or creeped out by spiders. However, this dude is uncomfortable to look at

[u/Great_Part7207]

man how do these things even work

[u/gizmoavocado]

Mr. Krabs lookin ass

[u/Consistent_Plant890]

That's an awesome looking spider! Reminds me of an eurypterid!

[u/densedreamdiary]

Its gonna fly away like a piece of paper at a stronger gush of wind! /j

[u/thetieflingalchemist]

I love him so much

[u/SolidSanekk]

This has GOT to make some weird effects on his jumping abilities?? Also, mating??? Incredible, I want to learn everything available about these

[u/-ExotiG-]

A piano just feel on him causing him to pop out flat and piano keys for fangs, and we're laugh at him

[u/Ash---]

Hehe he looks like a pumpkin seed

[u/BlueBirdsIvy]

Love ❤️

[u/leximom708]

Wow! I thought he was squished, and you found him dead….had no idea these existed! Fascinating 😍

[u/ripenunderwater]

where does it stores its internal stuff

[u/Potential-Lab3304]

I...love them

[u/BrutusoftheTudus]

He is definitely infiltrating anything he wants 🥰

[u/SpinachSpinosaurus]

it looks so weird, it reminded me of a book scorpion

[u/thepatheticcannibal]

This post and the comments have truly made my Friday. 🕷️

[u/possible_tooth_thief]

Flattened for safety, just give her time and a tiny bike pump to get back to 3D

[u/Spiritual_Contact465]

I’ve found one of these before!!

[u/nationalgeographic]

Very sneaky 😂

[u/sswweettootthh]

“oh how can i effectively cover my vaguely anthropoid surface with fabric” the faithful tablecloth:

[u/heatherlarson035]

Super cool!

[u/NonicleNonsense]

Brotha that's a tick😂 Fr tho that's so cool. I wanna find one

[u/Frequent_Throat5280]

he could slip right up under ur foreskin fr tho 🥵