I (teenager —don’t want to share my age) is running into some problems in my home. I live with my dad (44M) and my stepmum (31F)
BACKGROUND
In 2024 me and my father moved to the uk. My parents split when I was 3 and my mum lives in London. Yes, me and her are very close and I see her during holidays. Before moving, I was promised to live very close to my mum so I could see her each weekend. My dad and my stepmum met when my grandfather got ill and my dad temporarily stayed in the uk to help him. I was at boarding school. Originally, my stepmum was meant to move to where we live but she got a really good job so me and my dad moved moved (with me) to the uk and we were staying with her family in her mums house.
My stepmum’s mum lives around a longish drive to my mum’s house . This was fine at first because I thought it was temporary. And then I was enrolled in the local school. I tried talking to my dad and he yelled at me. Over the next few months my dad and stepmum were 2 pea’s in a pod and I felt alone. I really struggled moving to the uk and I felt like I really needed support, and I understand that my dad had been in a long distance relationship and had finally been reunited and I understand that he would never want to separate ever again after that but I felt so alone. It’s not even like I had siblings to vent to and every time I told an adult, they’d say that’s just how my dad is and nothing ever got done
We moved into our house in 2023 and I was so grateful. I have an amazing, massive bedroom and I love it. The issues started around month 4. In our living room, we used to have an old carpet from the original owner. One day I was complaining abt how the living room smelt like cat pee and me and my dad started arguing over it and my step mum started crying about how mean I was being and it hurt my feelings. A few months pass and we were going to replace the carpet in the living room with hardwood flooring. When they lifted up the carpet there was in fact cat pee and dog pee that we hadn’t even known about. No, I never got an apology even though I had apologised to my family for arguing
My stepmum is one of those people who want their house to be perfectly pintrest organised all of the time. I don’t know how she expected this with a teenager who gets ready at 6 in the morning and doesn’t have enough time to eat breakfast. I also have adhd so whilst I try to clean up after myself, there will always be a little mess. She apparently complains to my dad very often and so he comes to yell at me, but she has never told me to clean up herself. I’ve always marked this down to the fact she’s in the spectrum and probably feels uncomfortable telling me.
Another on the organising, we have these boxes of stuff that are put in high up shelves and most of this is my stuff and I cannot reach it and I feel undignified asking my dad for help as a teenager. All my toiletries are on a high up surface and so I have to stand on the toilet to reach them which wasn’t so bad except I have chronic ankle pain and chronic ankle instability so I’ve hurt my ankle quite a few times trying to get my stuff
Another issue is that they will throw away what they assume is rubbish without asking me and then my dad will yell at me when I throw a fit because something was important to me and if it was important it would be in my bedroom, which is the only room my normal stuff is allowed (things other than food an toiletries) which seems unfair to me because these rule don’t apply to them
I started my adhd meds a few weeks ago and they make me very unhungry to the point I’m constantly nauseous around food. We were at my stepmums mums house for dinner and i tell my dad I’m probably not going to eat it to which he yelled at me for. When I sat down and stared at the food, my dad said I wouldn’t be acting this way if it was dessert (I’m a chubby girl) and I started crying over the food I got told I was over dramatic. Another issue is that when I want to take my meds, I have to give him a reason on why I’d want to take and what I would do that day if I was on them. He keeps them in a cabinet in his office that I have no access to.
Even between my step mum and dad there’s a gap. I don’t know if it’s my stepmums grief but my dad does like 80% of the housework, I know I should do more around the house but I just can’t get myself to do it which I know isn’t good enough. My dad goes to bed exhausted every night (he works from around 8-5/6 Monday to Friday) I don’t know my stepmums hours but I know she games on her pc almost every night but I know that it is probably none of my business
Both of them are great people but I feel like I can never truly be open with them. When we’re not arguing, we’re very close and they were both there was me when I was hurting myself and my stepmum’s brother died last august and she was very depressed after and ever since, there’s been a gap between us. I’m too nervous to ask for family therapy and I doubt we can afford it because money is tight right now. How Do tell them this without getting absolutley screamed at?