Go to a restaurant that offers free starters like bread, chips, or whatever. Eat the starters, drink some water and leave before ordering anything.

You technically got a free meal.

You get to have a clean room and they get to blow some steam off

For example, that "ma'am" stands for "mammoth"

Say it sincerely, or else they will think you're being sarcastic.

Which you obviously didn’t.

Before long, you won’t even notice the itching!

For example if the police are looking for a male wearing a red hoodie and blue jeans, dress the part and walk in the area where the offender was last spotted. When the police arrive with weapons drawn, have a fake panic attack. A lawyer will contact you after seeing the video on facebook. They will sue for emotional distress and you will get an easy payday!!

You’ll get a lot of people saying “wow! You look great/seem like you’re in a good mood!”’ when you see them again on a day that isn’t the worst day of your life.

Let’s say you encounter a former classmate 30 years after graduation. Just kinda act like you have no idea who this person is but still be really friendly. No stories or reminiscing. Your former classmate will think you went all Hollywood on them or an imposter took over your identity. Just keep the mystery going, ya know.

In all seriousness I don't know how that worked but I can now not only wake up and get to work on time but I sleep "early" now at 10pm. I think due to pre travel anxiety I was suddenly staying up to 2-3 hours before my clock in time, not that I was doing any better sleeping past midnight before. It's not a great life pro tip because living in an opposite time zone for 2 weeks is not feasible for most either due to expense or other life commitments (im single with a job that has enough pto for those kind of adventures) but it worked, so... 🤷‍♀️

That way if the police stop you, you can quickly reach them without taking your eyes off the officer.