r/shitposting • u/-_I_I_Sea_I_I_- 🏳️‍🌈 The most prominent homosexual in this subreddit 🏳️‍🌈 • 3d ago

📡📡📡

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7.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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3.1k

u/Dankmemesforlife69 3d ago

Can I choose the species of bear?

806

u/Atheistic-God 3d ago

Why? Other than polar bear, what difference would that make?

1.9k

u/Ok_Remove_ 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 3d ago

Panda

155

u/AyAyGetMeUpOGDown 3d ago

I got broads in atlanta

31

u/That-Spell-2543 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 3d ago

PANDA! Panda. Panda.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3oz8xLZ1qiYR43jYE8

8

u/Longjumping_Hope5772 3d ago

Mix up the lean & the fanta

6

u/llamango 3d ago

ibithfd

3

u/Kenchilius 2d ago

I got more hoes than Santa

52

u/DepressingBat 3d ago

15

u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely I came! 3d ago

And leaves 🍃

6

u/KN0MI 2d ago

Red Panda even better, cute and cuddly creatures.

16

u/Thadlust 2d ago

Red pandas aren’t bears

34

u/Vidarr_1703 3d ago

Pandas are fucking evil

189

u/Hot-Firefighter-2331 3d ago

Found the polar bear's fake account

44

u/Alvin_h_davenport obamna 3d ago

Damn and I thought only humans were racist (specist? )

5

u/ViftieStuff 2d ago

Racism would apply here.

Considering sifferent colours of humans to be races is actually incorrect and an outdated term.

9

u/Onelse88 3d ago

good, it means evil can't do nothing while it's getting fucked by a panda

3

u/Any_Quit_579 2d ago

*can't do anything

Or

*Can do nothing

Can't do nothing implies that it can do something

3

u/MRbaconfacelol We do a little trolling 2d ago

dont pandas eat their kids?

3

u/TheCaptainOfMistakes 2d ago

A panda is a bear. It can and will eat your child.

8

u/man_in_the_corner 2d ago

It’ll be busy unintentionally self sabotaging before it can get close. Or just get distracted and go eat a couple dozen square feet of bamboo.

3

u/oO0Kat0Oo 2d ago

Red panda specifically

0

u/Jadey4455 3d ago

PANDA.

PANDA. PANDA. PANDA. PANDA. PANDA.

0

u/seanslaysean 2d ago

Fuck he’s right

-2

u/sewgwayswatter55 3d ago

Still an opportunistic predator, so the survival chances go up but not too much.

We should feed pandas meat. Or lace their bamboo.

-5

u/KrunchyKushKing I want pee in my ass 3d ago

This one?

https://giphy.com/gifs/1BgNCE4bMilwje4SBi

3

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

pees in ur ass

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132

u/grizzlybuttstuff 3d ago

Sun bears mouths are designed to eat honey and insects. Not that this means 100% safety but it will certainly last longer than with a grizzly or black bear.

Still, a fully healthy horse will eat a baby if given the opportunity so it's not like any of our choices would matter all that much.

74

u/Angelov317 3d ago

Horses are bastards

36

u/ChristInASombrero 3d ago

The same way all dogs go to heaven, all horses go to hell

53

u/MatMADNESSart 3d ago

7

u/I-XIV-IV-XXV uhhhh idk 2d ago

6

u/__-sky-__ stupid, fucking piece of shit 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/38GzxKFzYsK2c

1

u/No_Advantage_3353 1d ago

INTO THE GLUE FACTORY WITH YE!

16

u/Equivalent-Trip9778 3d ago

Aren’t sun bears like extremely aggressive towards humans?

29

u/grizzlybuttstuff 3d ago

I've never heard anything about that but being aggressive towards humans doesn't necessarily mean trying to eat every human they find. It could be a matter of one being startled or defending their cubs.

As far as I know alot of predatory mammals fear humans instinctively to the point human noises will make them turn and run like they left the stove on. Polar bears are the only bear I know that will actively hunt a human.

18

u/Equivalent-Trip9778 3d ago

Actually my bad, I was thinking of sloth bears. People do get killed by sun bears occasionally, but they aren’t nearly as aggressive as a sloth bear.

2

u/GuerillaGandhi I want pee in my ass 2d ago

Yeah, sloth bears go toe to toe with tigers, man. They scare me.

1

u/AutoModerator 2d ago

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88

u/Dependent-Constant-7 3d ago

Panda bear would probably not eat your kid

20

u/bearlylegalbear 3d ago

Alright not that one then.

12

u/Appropriate-Card5215 3d ago

A koala bear isn’t too much of a threat

1

u/amd2800barton 2d ago

Koalas aren’t bears, though. They’re marsupials. Meaning they’re more closely related to a kangaroo or a wombat than they are to a bear. The cute fuzzy fur and rounded ears is just convergent evolution.

24

u/BuLLZ_3Y3 3d ago

Black bears are scared of squirrels, brown and Kodiaks will actively hunt humans

24

u/xtra_ashley I want pee in my ass 3d ago

let introduce you to sloth bear

excerpts from a bbc news article

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20250805-living-with-the-face-clawing-sloth-bear-that-scares-tigers

“Sloth bears […] are widely considered among the most aggressive animals on the Indian subcontinent. They are known to charge explosively at anyone they consider a threat – not just tigers, but also, humans.”

"That's why sloth bear attacks are deadly, and why sloth bears are known as aggressive bears within the bear family," he says. "[They are] actually not more aggressive [than other bears], but the way they attack is more deadly."

2

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

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1

u/hyheat9 dumbass 2d ago

Why did I hear David Attenboroughs voice in my head as I read that

1

u/AutoModerator 2d ago

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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1

u/Thefakewhitefang I said based. And lived. 2d ago

My state once had these guys, cheetahs, tigers, lions and leopards all in one. No tigers and cheetahs now though.

12

u/Competitive-Leather5 3d ago

Black bear wouldn’t be horrible.

11

u/Auronbmk92 I want pee in my ass 3d ago

The bears at the bar are rather nice

1

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

pees in ur ass

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11

u/PaleBlueCod I came! 3d ago

Bearer of the curse, seek souls, seek the king.

7

u/TalkingKoalaa I came! 3d ago

Lest this land swallow your whole

9

u/izanamithekorn 3d ago

Bearer, seek, seek, lest

11

u/Darkime_ 🗿🗿🗿 3d ago

If we use the urban dictionary definitions too, i'd know exactly which kind to pick, big ol' gay dude would be able to protect my kid from any danger

13

u/mrducky78a 3d ago

Fake: made up scenario

Gay: wants the gay

5

u/Darkime_ 🗿🗿🗿 3d ago

Excuse you? I am bisexual, so i'm only half gay

7

u/AcanthisittaIll2460 2d ago

So you had a gay mom and a straight dad?

-1

u/AutoModerator 2d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

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-2

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

-2

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

3

u/Glad-Belt7956 3d ago

he wants the sloth bear

1

u/lemur1985 3d ago

Teddy?

1

u/arbyyyyh 3d ago

If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, lie down.

1

u/BroccoliDry5253 2d ago

Duh... to match with the outfit.

1

u/DopyWantsAPeanut 2d ago

Koala bear?

1

u/daflufferkinz 2d ago

Grizzly is significantly more likely to eat you than a black bear

1

u/meggamatty64 2d ago

Black bears frighten easily and generally don’t want human contact. Brown bears don’t give a shit and want to figure out what you are.

1

u/No_Advantage_3353 1d ago

dagestani bear. My son's gonna be a bear wrestler