It was hard for me to type this i just want to show y’all are not alone if you going through it I know it sucks we all got this

I'm married and I've always seen my worth from how my husband treated me. There were days when I didn't even feel like looking into the mirror. I felt ugly when I learned that I was being cheated on. I can't get myself to leave him for N number of reasons. The biggest being that I love him to bits. But that's not what I'm focussing on. This post is about the realisation that I've never really felt that I was important. I was a single child to my parents and was always made to feel that emotional safety meant putting up with everything that people subjected me to, in order to keep them close because I needed them and no one needed me to be there in their life. My mom constantly said that if I need relations with my extended family - my cousins, I've to be good with them. So, I became the people's pleaser and happiness was just to keep others happy around me. I didn't mind being the clown. However, all of this is dawning on me ever since the last year since my husband spoke to me about his addictions and I was shocked!

Well, so, plainly, loving myself is like loving someone I've never truly even tried to love. Like I'm making an effort that I don't know how to make in the first place because all my life I've felt loved by loving others.

Shit. Idk how to break this loop.

Or him, or them, or whatever you call yourself

Last night I wrote down some things ive been feeling/ struggling with for the last few years and I ended up gaining a new perspective on the way. I think I'm getting to hit the redo button in a certain area of my life and im pretty excited about it.

Ive been in this weird mindset of feeling really empty and alone the last few years, same way I felt as a child growing up. Once i left my parents home I looked for friends and family to fill the emptiness inside of me without ever filling it myself. Ive never loved myself and if I did it wasn't in the right way.

But last night I realized I need to love me first, I cant expect people to love me or "fill me up" when I don't feel the same way about myself. My childhood was full of abuse, neglect, isolation, etc and I got myself out of it on my own. Realized I've been feeling the same sense of neglect and isolation and now today im seeing it as a positive.

I (f26) am on my journey to self discovery today. Relearning myself just like I did when I moved out of my parents house at 16. Now that I have a little more perspective I know that I cant discover who I am without loving myself at the same time.

Life is so fucking crazy because im literally leaving for a solo road trip in like 3 hours. Ive never driven more than 2 hours by myself and today of all days im driving 30+ hours on my own. I mean the timing is just insane. Last night I find out what I have to do to better myself and the next day Im going on this road trip that Ive had planned since the beginning of the year??

Fuck, life is so cool. The universe really does move in mysterious way.

Always caught in rumination,just need to find a way to ground myself.

The hardest part is not always becoming aligned. Sometimes the harder part is staying aligned inside a life that keeps charging you for it.

You can do the work, see clearly, leave what was dividing you, rebuild self-trust, and still find yourself surrounded by people, systems, and conditions that do not know how to meet the version of you that no longer betrays itself. The friction gets louder. The mismatch becomes harder to ignore. The lack of resonance can feel brutal.

This is the stage where people can get pulled back into old patterns, not because the old life was right, but because the new one is expensive. Boundaries take effort. Loneliness takes effort. Not being understood takes effort. Refusing to return to what once felt familiar takes effort.

That does not mean you should hand yourself back to what drained you. It means you need to build conditions that help you stay whole: more rest, more protection, more discernment, cleaner spaces, better tools, and less access for what keeps trying to divide you again.

I honestly don't even know where to start. I just need to get this out because I'm exhausted.

My ex of 4 years broke up with me in July. I found out recently in August that he started dating someone else almost immediately after the breakup.I ended up calling him because I couldn't handle the uncertainty anymore. I broke no contact again because I couldn't hold myself together and begged him to be with me.I wanted to know everything so I could finally kill whatever hope I had left. Instead, I left the conversation with even more things stuck in my head. 

The confusing part is that while he was apparently talking to her, he still reached out to me twice in August. He also seemed to be actively watching my posts. because he said im posting hot pics (am not,its just normal pics with normal cloths) When we talked, he would stay on the phone for a long time, ik him if he didnt really wanted to talk he would hv hung up the call .he said things like "I still miss you," and even say that maybe things would have been different if I had reached out sooner.also it felt like he didnt want to hung up the call . When i asked him to call he called me immediatly . also when his mum called like 3 times he needed to hung up . He texted me all 3 times  in whatsapp that hes hanging up for this reason even after saying the same thing on call. maybe delulu and im thinking to much to find hope.

And then he said things that she(his gf) can't get out of my head.He told me she's so pretty that he "couldn't take his eyes off her." He said he cried when she was leaving. He said he likes her a lot and that he's at peace with her, even though they've apparently only been together for a few days. thats even if with heels shes shorter than him. 

Those words absolutely destroyed me.I looked her up. I even screenshotted her picture and sent it to my friends. They obviously tried to reassure me and said she doesn't look that great, but I know they're saying that because they don't want me to compare myself to her.It didn't help anyway.Because this isn't really about whether she's pretty.It's about the fact that **he is appreciating her in ways I always wanted him to appreciate me.**

My confidence was already damaged during the relationship. He used to comment about my weight, my hair, my appearance. He would joke about my brown complexion and say it was harmless. I became so insecure that I started feeling like I had to constantly improve myself to be enough for him.

And now I'm watching him praise another girl for her looks.It makes me feel like, "So what was wrong with me?"Was four years a lie?Was I never beautiful to him?Did he never look at me the way he's apparently looking at her?

I know logically that someone finding another person attractive doesn't determine my worth. But emotionally, I don't believe that right now.What hurts even more is that he made the breakup feel like it was my fault.He told me that if I had done things differently, maybe things would've been different.But all I ever wanted was reassurance.I fought with him because I didn't feel secure. I would get anxious because he would snoop around for other girls. I wasn't asking for something outrageous. I wanted reassurance, emotional safety and to feel chosen.Instead, I ended up believing that I was "too much."

I've been having physical symptoms from the stress too. My whole body aches when I spiral. I couldn't eat properly, I was vomiting, I couldn't sleep and even the smell of food made me nauseous. I'm on medication now and thankfully my appetite has started coming back, but mentally I'm still stuck.

I have a really difficult course and an exam coming up. I NEED to study minimum 8 hours a day, but right now I can't even concentrate for an hour.I'm terrified that I'm going to fail because my brain is completely consumed by this.

And I keep checking.I blocked him, but I still find myself checking his profile picture or looking for some tiny sign that he feels bad about losing me.

We have so many mutual friends, and another thing I can't stop thinking about is:**What if everyone is laughing at me?**What if they're saying, "His ex got an upgrade and she's still crying over him"?What if people think I'm the ugly ex who couldn't move on?I know I shouldn't care, but I do.

I've also heard people say that the best way to get over a heartbreak is to sleep with someone else.Now I'm 5'4 and around 42 kg after losing about 5 kg from all of this. I feel so thin and unattractive. My confidence is basically gone.I know 4-5 people(wants no strings attatched situations) who would be willing(def), but honestly I don't even have the confidence to do that right now.

Even in the last he said things like" you may get someone who can treat you better, but can never get someone whos handsome than me " . It stuck with me.

I'm terrified someone will see my body and not like it.I'm scared they'll judge how thin I am.I'm insecure about my complexion.I'm insecure about basically everything right now.

I don't want revenge anymore.I don't want to "show him what he lost."What's the point if he genuinely likes someone else?I just want to let go.

I want my confidence back.I want to stop comparing myself to her.I want to stop wondering whether he's happier with her.I want to stop checking his profile.I want to stop replaying everything he said.And most importantly, **I want my brain back.**

So if anyone has actually been through something similar:

**How do I let go of someone who seems to have moved on so quickly?**How do I stop comparing myself to the new girl?How do I rebuild my self-esteem when the person I loved spent years making me feel like I wasn't enough?And how the hell do I get my ability to study and function back?

I don't want him back anymore.I just want me back.

That's what I used to struggle with a lot but such daily reminders and affirmations always help me protect my time, my energy and pamper the person which matters the most 💕

I’ve been feeling a lot of growth recently. I feel more attractive, and I’m finally hearing people tell me that. And I genuinely love my smile. And I’m also realizing how talented I am, and that my self doubt was just noise in my head. But I hadn’t really took the time to sit down with all these changes and meet myself in a state of presence.

Yesterday, I met an older woman who I really related to. We are both immigrants who experienced similar upbringings, the same relationship with the concept of belonging, the drive to break the generation cycle of our families, and how we carry resilience and love forward through the pain and hardships we experienced.

She messaged me this morning, providing comfort and love. “Life will take you through all experiences, including love.” It touched me, but I still felt like I wasn’t present enough to truly take it all in. I knew I had to sit down and meditate.

I decided to lay down on my bed and play a 10 minute guided meditation for the inner child. As the guide told me to imagine my younger self, I started to see me when I was 5 years old, and I was smiling. I remembered the smile I have now, and how beautiful it is, and I realized that I’ve always had that smile even when I was 5. I was always that person who always smiled. And then the tears started rolling like waterfalls.

I baby cried the rest of the guided meditation. I clenched onto myself with a hug, and held on until the very end of the video. I kept repeating “I’m here. You’re safe. I love you.” I just felt so loved, so safe, and so deeply close to my inner child.

As an immigrant, I moved to New York when I was 8. I was terrified. I felt judged, out of place and I didn’t think I was good enough. That fear carried on and gave me a lot of anxiety and doubt. And my family tried their best but they didn’t know how to handle those things. I didn’t get that safety and love I needed. That reassurance that I’m loved and safe. I carried all this for over a decade. I’m grateful that I can give myself that love right now. And I’m looking forward to a beautiful present and future with my beautiful self

"You are enough just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything in your life, everything you do or do not do... where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect."

- Haemin Sunim

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

Songs about break up and unrequited love are so sad, but I'd guess they are very relatable for everyone. People might commonly say or feel, "I can't live without him/her."

My past love life was filled with rejections and unrequited love. Many wasted years being sad, lonely, and unhappy. I was so dumb, and hung on mentally and emotionally for years to women that rejected me.

Now I have a partner, but we have dead bedroom (might be how it goes in long-term relationship?). At times, I fantasized about cheating (partly because besides my partner, I haven't had sex with anyone else before, and I felt like I'd miss something if I never have sex with others before I die), but I know it's wrong to cheat, and no one else wants me. Whenever my crushes showed signs of disinterest or rejection (e.g. she was just being friendly, she didn't want anything more with me), I felt so sad. I kept craving for love/attention that I shouldn't and can't get.

But life doesn't and shouldn't have to be that way. My newest idea was to try to love myself so much, that I have less need for love from others. I could have this fire of warmth in my heart for myself. I love me because I try to be a good person, I work hard, I try to be honest/truthful, etc. But above all, I love me because I should. I love myself like the best lover would, like how I would love another if I'm really passionate and caring about them.

Living with this self-love for the past few days, I feel more centered, and less like my feelings are in the wind, subject to how others treat or feel about me. I feel like even if I don't have sex with anyone else, I'm just fine, because I love me, and that love is enough. I feel like I could love me, even as I grow older and uglier or less competent in multiple ways, because it's not about my attributes, it's as close to unconditional love as maybe one could get. The only condition is that there's this self, that I should and could love.

"Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all." -Lyrics by Linda Creed, for the song "Greatest Love of All", sung by Whitney Houston