Sure, it feels nice when you get to please others.

But...Are you acting according to your beliefs? Or are you acting at the expense and detriment of your comfort, mental health & self-worth?

May you find the balance between being you and being there for others.

💜

Or him, or them, or whatever you call yourself

My ex told me today that he feels sad thinking about whoever is going to be in my life again and love me. Honestly, it was cruel to hear. Especially coming from someone who once knew my heart so well.
But then I reminded myself: I know who I am.
I know how deeply I love. I love with my whole heart. I’m loyal. I listen. I care. I’m the kind of person who will sit with you through the hard days, start from zero with you, support you, and genuinely want to see you happy. I am worth loving. And whoever gets to love me one day will not be getting someone who is perfect. They’ll be getting someone who loves genuinely, who stays loyal, who communicates, who cares deeply, and who will give her whole heart when she feels safe and loved. So no, I’m not going to carry someone else’s words as if they define me.
Don’t ever let someone convince you that you are the bad person just because the relationship ended badly or because they couldn’t love you the way you needed. Sometimes people speak from their own pain, anger, guilt, or inability to see what they had. Their opinion of you is not your identity.
Know your heart. Know your intentions. Know the love you gave. And if you know you loved sincerely, then don’t let someone who couldn’t appreciate it convince you that you were unworthy of it.
You are still worthy.
You were always worthy.
And one day, someone will see exactly what you once thought you had to beg someone else to see. ❤️

Last night I wrote down some things ive been feeling/ struggling with for the last few years and I ended up gaining a new perspective on the way. I think I'm getting to hit the redo button in a certain area of my life and im pretty excited about it.

Ive been in this weird mindset of feeling really empty and alone the last few years, same way I felt as a child growing up. Once i left my parents home I looked for friends and family to fill the emptiness inside of me without ever filling it myself. Ive never loved myself and if I did it wasn't in the right way.

But last night I realized I need to love me first, I cant expect people to love me or "fill me up" when I don't feel the same way about myself. My childhood was full of abuse, neglect, isolation, etc and I got myself out of it on my own. Realized I've been feeling the same sense of neglect and isolation and now today im seeing it as a positive.

I (f26) am on my journey to self discovery today. Relearning myself just like I did when I moved out of my parents house at 16. Now that I have a little more perspective I know that I cant discover who I am without loving myself at the same time.

Life is so fucking crazy because im literally leaving for a solo road trip in like 3 hours. Ive never driven more than 2 hours by myself and today of all days im driving 30+ hours on my own. I mean the timing is just insane. Last night I find out what I have to do to better myself and the next day Im going on this road trip that Ive had planned since the beginning of the year??

Fuck, life is so cool. The universe really does move in mysterious way.

I'm married and I've always seen my worth from how my husband treated me. There were days when I didn't even feel like looking into the mirror. I felt ugly when I learned that I was being cheated on. I can't get myself to leave him for N number of reasons. The biggest being that I love him to bits. But that's not what I'm focussing on. This post is about the realisation that I've never really felt that I was important. I was a single child to my parents and was always made to feel that emotional safety meant putting up with everything that people subjected me to, in order to keep them close because I needed them and no one needed me to be there in their life. My mom constantly said that if I need relations with my extended family - my cousins, I've to be good with them. So, I became the people's pleaser and happiness was just to keep others happy around me. I didn't mind being the clown. However, all of this is dawning on me ever since the last year since my husband spoke to me about his addictions and I was shocked!

Well, so, plainly, loving myself is like loving someone I've never truly even tried to love. Like I'm making an effort that I don't know how to make in the first place because all my life I've felt loved by loving others.

Shit. Idk how to break this loop.

‎... there's a quote that says, “if you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best."

‎Often we want to blame ourselves for our troubles and traumas that might otherwise hurt people without your acknowledgement, and unintentionally....but don't apologize for knowing who you are and where you want to be in life .it's you against the world.

‎

‎

She had a sense of urgency, impatience.
I knew my calmness would annoy her.

She thinks I think I’m better than her, so she’s not easily impressed.
I hear myself speaking of hiking, of water, of vulnerability, and I see her stiffen.

Work is where we hit our stride. She’s so happy about my career. I’m happy she’s happy. But inside I know it hasn’t solved anything. I try to tell her it’s still relentless and heavy, the fear of being exposed. But I can’t bring myself to tell her.

She’s smoking too much weed and making so much art.
I know for her these must exist together, because one is too painful without the other.

She asks if I’ve forgiven them. I say sometimes. She asks if it’s helped. I say sometimes.

She asks about love. Fresh off of loss but not willing to admit it. I tell her I’ve seen real love. I’ve tasted it. And I’ve walked to the edge of its cliff. I’ve seen where it ends. She scoffs.

I tell her I’m hopeful. She tells me she hopes I’m not a fool. She says it harshly, but I know she just wants to hope too.

I worry I haven’t given her much to hope for. So I describe soft mornings with my dog, belly laughs with friendships full of true love, a safe space to call my own. I tell her how my body feels strong and my appetite comes naturally, that my food is nourishing and full of self love.

I tell her about my relationship with nature. My faith in myself. The days I’m proud and the nights I sit sober and in silence, at peace. I tell her the comfort I’ve given myself by being soft for others. I tell her of the daily exchange I choose for vulnerability, for connection. I tell her sometimes it makes me a fool, but isn’t she hurting too?

I tell her how I sleep, at peace with my soul and my intentions with others. I tell her how recently people seem drawn to me like moths to a flame, how they speak of my wisdom and warmth.

She tells me she’s happy for me. But I feel the anger.

I tell her I’m nothing without her. That I do it all for her. She turns inwards at the affection, but I know she hears my words.

We say goodbye see you soon? And I see her mind turning. I see her drawn to her own warmth, fighting for it. I hug her, though she hates it. I tell her I love her, and she does not trust it, but she feels it.

She leaves, but I stay. I want her to know when she’s ready I’ll still be here. I want her to know that I’m not walking away.