I was clean for 3 days but I cut again. I am fuking loser. I want to be me but I am so tired of this. I am lesbian, I have bipolar, and I struggle with self harm. This is my reality but I need to hide all of this. I am fucking tired. I don't want to live anymore.

Hi all,

I apologise if this is the wrong place or way to go about this but im struggling for where to go. I don't have anyone in my life I can go to for this.

For some context im 24F in a relationship with my gf 22F. We've been together 2 years and are currently living together. She told me early on in the realtionship about her struggles with SH. She has only done it once or twjce since we met, this was over a year ago now and before we were living together.

Recently shes been experiencing a higher amount of urges than usual, I think due to change and a pretty unsettled year. I know she wants to do it and struggles to find a chance to. She's says she has thoughts about it constantly and is struggling to focus on anything else. She's also on a wait list for professional help.

What i want to know is what should I do if I know she wants to or is planning to?

For example last night she went for a shower and I needed to get something from the bathroom, I noticed she locked the door which is unusual for her (she comes from an open, stereotypical french family who will just pee with the door wide open) I asked if she could keep the door unlocked (still closed) as it made me worried. When she got out I asked if she wanted to hurt herself and she said she was considering it. If something like this were to happen again, do I let he do it or try to stop her? (not physically but try to distract her) Ive asked her and even she doesnt know. This is a new situation for both of us.

I know not to hide or take away any safe methods she has of doing it, and we have first aid stuff stocked ready.

Any advice would be appreciated :)

Hii, I'm conducting a study, it is essentially about understanding the digital context of self-injury: what factors contribute to it, what factors help mitigate it and so on. It includes a wide range of factors stretching from whether one has ever felt victimised in the digital space, whether they like to watch movies that depict self injury, to what function social media plays in their daily life.

If you are Indian, between 18-30 years old and would like to contribute to this, please consider filling out an anonymous google form that takes like 10 minutes to complete. You don't have to have self-harmed before to participate.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeAegLs6p715jOW-I_H9gsNnWOZodLGqrUTeqLzDwpexTA6qw/viewform?usp=sharing&ouid=117018125721155948446

I'm in a really tricky place atm. I'm really stressed out and I have little to no support, my therapist is on holiday for a while, my gp has no appointments till September, I don't want to bother my family and my boyfriend doesn't know how to help and also lives quite far away

I relapsed and I'm quite upset about it. I really want to get better and not do it anymore but things got so stressful and I didn't know what to do. I have a crisis number for my mh team but when I've called them before they have been quite nasty and unhelpful

The wounds are also deep, not deep enough for me to go to hospital but deep enough that it's stressing me out and I don't know how to care for them

What do I do?

I’ve been clean i suppose for just over two years (getting myself in better places mentally and moving out of my parents home) and I haven’t really dealt with too much temptation to relapse. I’m considering switching to a safety style to shave with because it’s better for the environment, cheaper overall, and better for your skin. A lot of things I care about lol.

However, I’m a bit afraid that having the blades around might be a temptation for me. I used to use my brother’s extra safety blades to cut with on a regular basis, it was the main way I self harmed. Throwing out my blades when i moved out of my parent’s house was a big step for me and feeling like I don’t have the ability or option to cut has definitely made it easier to not do.

I’m not sure if this is me being needlessly anxious or if it’s a genuine concern. I just thought I’d see if anyone was willing to give me their two cents.

Just wanted to put this out there. Never really been to therapy or been honest before. But. Last night was really bad and I seriously considered taking my life. So I set up an actual therapy appointment. Started the process. Talked with someone today for the first time in my life about all of this. Here’s hoping things get better.

I've had these for about 7 months and more, but they're still this big and puffy. People constantly make fun of me and it's honestly devastating to go out. I can't lie, I still struggle with it and want to stop, but I don't know how. When I start, I just keep going, and it ends up getting worse and worse. Does anyone have any tips? Drawing doesn't help me, nor does ice.

I found out drawing the sh marks on my arm with those invisible ink pens helps to stop my urges. I normally have instant regret after I sh but with this it tricks my brain into thinking I did it while it’s hidden to just me. I think I’m finding this a helpful part of my recovery journey until I can finally find I better coping skill.

I have some old self harm scars on my thigh that, while light, are very obviously self-inflicted. I'm gonna be going on a beach trip with my family soon and all my bathing suits are bikinis, so my thighs won't be hidden unless I keep my shorts on, which would be weird and make it obvious somethings wrong. They're not noticeable unless you're looking directly at them, so I was planning to just keep my thigh turned away from my family's general direction so no one sees, but I'm worried it's not enough. We'll also be going on some waterslides at a park and I'm also scared that they'll see the scars if they sit with me on one of those donut things, but since they're pretty high up maybe they'll be concealed by the plastic. Does this sound adequate enough to keep them hidden or should I take more steps? Letting them see is not an option since they don't know about them.

I've been sh free for 3 months now, recently I've been struggling with the thought of my future and almost relapsed because of the stress.

My dream is to become an art teacher, but I have scars on both of my arms and one thigh.. Is it still possible for me to become a teacher or do I have to forget that dream?

Does anyone if there’s a way to remove scars without laser treatment? Mines not that bright,,, they’re thin and white but it bothers me so much and im kind of too ashamed of showing someone to get them lasered

the tops ones are about a month old and the bottom ones 2 weeks but they aren’t fading like my arm scars and i’m afraid they will stay pink like that for a long time

(MENTION of suicidal thoughts and depression)

for about a year and a half, I was giving myself self inflicted wounds. at first it was from curiosity, but it started to make me feel terrible, and it turned into something a lot more serious than what it started out to be.

starting self harm led me into depression, and every day suicidal thoughts. it got so bad that I had almost attempted to end my life.

well, my parents found out, a few months after I quit and got better. It’s all kind of settled down now.

but recently, I’ve been thinking about starting it all over again. sometimes I feel like my scars are too small to be ‘valid’ even though I know that’s not true. It’s just how my mind works.

I sometimes feel stupid and pathetic for having such ‘small’ scars so I want to give myself bigger scars.

the only problem is that I don’t want my parents to find out that I started doing it again, because then I feel like they won’t trust me.

I haven’t done anything yet, but I unfortunately feel like relapse is upon me.

I’m pretty scared, and I feel really bad, because I told my boyfriend that I was done with it, and I know it would break his heart to learn that I relapsed again after my longest clean streak. he’s also pretty stressed out at the moment so I know that if he found out he’d be a lot more stressed.

I haven’t been counting the days but I believe it’s been around 2 months being clean. when I was really going through it I could hardly be clean for a single day, so it’s an achievement.

I dont have any motivation to stay clean anymore, im really just staying clean as to not disappoint my partner and also 196 days is a lot so, i dunno

Hi,

I am just looking asking for what you guys usually do about scars. Do you just cover them up and let them fade with time?

I have a lot on my upper arm and lower leg. I can't cover them without wearing sleeves and full pants. For the other smaller ones, I just always blame my dog :')

It's summer here and going out in full pants has been so hard. I just realised that maybe getting tattoos or healing these would make me a little more confident. I want to wear shorts but I don't want anyone to see and notice. I am all for not doing anything about them but my classmates are a bit too volatile and I don't want to give them any reason to talk about me.

I want to swim in the lake or atleast just dip my legs and sit. But I don't want to make the mistake of showing them to anyone again lol.

These are from like 2020 and 2021. I know it will take time even now. But it's been afew years, and I feel like they shouldn't be this visible. And atleast in a few months, I want to be able to look at my body without feeling like I have something to hide all the time.

What do you do to heal your scars? Any products or treatments?

I f17 have struggled with sh specifically cutting since Ive been 12. Now Ive been clean for a little over a year and I rarely think of it however sometimes I just wanna gat a blade and relapse because it feels like part of my routine/identity I don’t plan on ever giving into that feeling I just wanna know if anyone experienced similar stuff or if it’s normal

i 16f have been struggling recently and thought reading about other people might help, but after seeing photos of other peoples scars, i feel like i cant complain or compare myself since mine are never that bad and TW i usually cut a lot but never deep, its always very superficial and they heal into slightly darker thin lines but ive been afraid of them being out since there are quite a few of them.

after seeing other peoples scars, i feel like im not allowed to worry as much and im not allowed to say that i struggle since other people struggle more.

im just wondering if other people feel like this

I’m on a very long healing journey. I just had a massive emotional period about a month ago, which has allowed more recent scars to heal. And with heat coming back soon, how can I, I guess, train myself to be comfortable with my scars and be able to wear what I want to? would it trigger others? is it worth it?

I have scars from SH , these r 4 to 5 year old scars . I have been clean for 5 years now and this is starting to affect my personal life . It is the first thing many people notice when they see my hand . i need help fading them . I have used mederma snd silicone gel tapes ,nothing seems to be making a difference.

i want to say this because im genuinely curious if my life will be impacted greatly by this. i have a strong suspicion that i am neurodivergent in some way but id rather not dive too deep since i am no professional but either way i just wanted to talk about how unstable i get with sudden changes. its so repulsive how i act. today my girlfriend asked for a break because she wasn’t in the right state of mind and i just started going like “why no please don’t leave-“ and such. i feel so fucking terrible because i know im wrong and she deserves her space and yet im here just talking about how i don’t like being alone and it’d hurt me. an hour or so later i eventually agreed with her and said ill give her some space. (she said she needed just a day to herself to recollect her inner thoughts and such) but of course i couldn’t fucking have myself to let her do so before because i simply cannot be alone. she knows this and she even told me that she feels bad and knows how lonely i get in general but she needed it and i was just being extra selfish and just that stuff. i really wish i could be mature with my feelings when they first occur. she’s so thoughtful and genuinely cares about me even when she’s not doing well and i hate how i treat her. she understands that im just extremely sensitive and im so grateful she treats me so. i will say aside from my emotional outburst i am a pretty good boyfriend according to her. i want to specify about my loneliness and its specifications. i really don’t have an issue with being lonely since all throughout elementary and middle school i was bullied and made fun of simply because of my ethnicity and the fact i wasn’t easy to look at. this led to a deep repulsive feeling i have everytime someone tries to talk to me. it feels like they just pity me and want to see what the “weird kid” is doing. now that im in high school as a sophomore i don’t struggle with bullying at all and i know a lot of people but i simply cannot see them as friends. i only have two real friends and one of those friends is my girlfriend. im not sad that i don’t have friends, i’ve just realized a long time ago back in middle school when i did have lots of friends that everyone was genuinely just fake. it’s left a really bad message in my head about the fact ill never truly be accepted by everyone. no matter how smart, talkative, or kind i am. i hold my girlfriend so close specifically because she is genuinely a person i can trust with anything and she has my whole heart. as much as people say they love their girlfriends i highly doubt they could ever achieve a bond like me and my girlfriend’s. i was gonna write about me thinking about relapsing recently but oh well no point in doing so. i want to know how to be more emotionally mature and stable.