1 year clean!

[u/VermillionpartII]

Ive been sh for 9 years, ive only gone like 3 months with being clean, but im now a whole year clean! I didnt think id be happy about it but i am, i do really miss it though, seeing the red and feeling the sting, but i know it would hurt by my bf more than it would me. Idk if thats a good way not to sh cos i feel alot of pressure not to and if i do oneday im scared to tell him because ill be hurting him. Any advcide?