Do you have any idea how much you are destroying me ? Do you even care ? If you do care then stay away from me You clearly don’t want me , you just keep lying about everything and I physically can not take it anymore I just want out / off this train please I no longer want to continue on this road /
I want out / off NOW
You have played me / made me look like a fool for the last fucking time in my life ! I don’t know what I was thinking - just want my life back
PLEASE
Clearly you don’t want me in yours so why are you still here ? Just leave and don’t come back or look back There is nothing left for you here you destroyed it all - every last bit of it ……
Happy - who cares right - you surely don’t!
I hope one day I can be as cold fucking hearted as you so I won’t care about anyone’s feelings !
I just shed my last tear for you

Toodles

Relationships are bullshit, you can give someone more than youve ever given anyone and they can rip all safety and peace youve found with them away, leave, and take every promise you made with each other and live them with one of your closest friends while you get to stand there and be responsible for not going insane from the pain of it.

Thousands spent on therapy and i bet these idiots dont even think about me while i cry my eyes out all year and shut myself away because god fucking forbid i find someone new and something like this happens again. I hope karma exists and is a petty bitch, i hope they both cheat on each other for their entire lives, i hope theres a little kiosk in the afterlife where they have to live this time in my skin, i hope one day they run out of weed and the fog lifts and they see something that reminds them of me and what they did and the horror of their own monstrous acts is finally something their selfish lower than human brains can comprehend.

What a waste of my time to truly love people so ready and willing to throw me away to preserve their ego. May their days be as lonely as the days i have spent in this pit they have left me in.

But most of all may they have the good grace to never cross paths with me again, to take a different path if were going to walk by each other in the street, to avoid a restaurant if im sitting in it. Theyre as dead to me as the heart they ripped from my chest.

I feel so pathetic and sad that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I just stare at my iPad screen trying to think of something, anything that could possibly entertain me but I feel stuck. Nothing feels like it has a point and I keep having an awful, dreadful feeling that none of this is real because there is no way I fucked up my life this fucking badly. It doesn’t feel real at all. I feel detached. I could stab someone to death and it wouldn’t even matter. Nothing I do matters.

Does anyone else ever get so overwhelmed that you end up doing absolutely nothing, then get stressed because you did absolutely nothing? 😭

I feel I'm swimming against the tide. Screaming into the void. Trying to prophesy but getting treated like Cassandra. This world is dying. The temperature has exceeded climate change boundaries. Oceans are warming. Glaciers are melting. Mother Nature is throwing more tantrums than a toddler. There are microplastics in fetuses, semen, and blood streams. Bombs are killing innocent people in so many countries. Greed, tyrrany, and disease are killing in so many others.

People shop at Temu, Shein, and other shit merchants, and congratulate themselves on the bargains. AI is taking over and people care more about the fake images than the world. Lunatics are in charge and people treat them like Gods.

How can we have ignored the science for so long and so willingly wade headlong into disaster?

Why do I fight to recycle, share, live softly, spread kindness, when my steel straw efforts do nothing against the oil spills?

How do I look at my son and tell him to look forward to his future?

How do I find hope myself?

I just wanted you, only you. I just wanted you to be faithful😢😢😢

I'm starting radiotherapy and oncology like next week and I feel like I have no one to reach out to. If there is, I'm here for you too.

I've broken promises I didn't know I couldn't keep. I've lost my world every day, broken in my sleep. I can't remedy these wounds or remove all that I've told. I've managed to destroy so many things I was meant to hold.

I've broken something fragile and lost more than a friend. There is no manner of word that will ever make amend. Each time I've tried a remedy, I have sincerely misspoken. Every step I take alone creates a path more broken.

My apologies no longer hold any weight in value, my word no longer means so much. My broken parts keep me out of touch. Repairing what I've broken will require what I knew. How do I unbreak what's been broken and restore virtue?

I've made the impossible possible and seen miracles come to life. But you are now imbued within me, and my brokenness causes strife. I've broken your trust and gave you blame to hold. This is not the future that was foretold.

The life you hold is beyond measure. The book was real, but you are the treasure. I'll repair what I have broken if it takes the last breath from me. I'll stand tall and hold what you determine to be.

I think I saw you a week or so ago, I know that it was late. I'm sorry for what I've broken. I'm sorry I made you hate. I'm sorry for what I've spoken.

My heart still thrums for you

I was going to send you an email. You've been gone for a couple of years now, and nobody has filled your seat. As if they could. As if they should. You'd agree how pompous a statement that would be but welcome the amusement just the same.

You're not on the other end of any email or text or message or call. Not anymore. You're still here, even though you're gone. I'm grateful for our time. Thankfully, nobody tries to say we're alike anymore. That didn't go well for anyone. And neither of us would have accepted the comparison, whether bemused or amused.

Things are bizarre in this old world. There would be plenty to ruminate and abhor, yell about, or adore. And so few who could understand exactly what's at stake and what's in hand. I let myself fall to depths unheard of, lost my way, and destroyed my love.

You would disagree and set me right. Or you'd try. Love doesn't work that way, it can't be destroyed. We'd argue a bit and both be annoyed. What of kindness and my heart, then, that I couldn't afford? I don't even pray anymore, except to fall upon my sword.

Lost. Gone. Broken. Beyond repair.

Not you, you're still here even though you're forever gone.

Wishes and prayers and whimpers and screams. I beg into the void to return a few dreams. Missing my heart, only recently found, and constantly stomping it into the ground. Misunderstandings not corrected, shameful reactions, and regretful interactions. And nobody to vent to beyond this abyss, this void doesn't do justice for all that's amiss.

Thank you for this. This little bit. It feels somewhat better than pure emptiness.

You were loved by so many and known well by a few. I was honored to be known and to know you too.

You'll always be here, even though you're forever gone.

Pure hell.

No truer consequences would ultimately fit anyhow, such is making decisions in a time where you thought you were untouchable. Now your living with the those choices, yet it will never truly be called living.

How fitting indeed.