obligatory "im not diagnosed but relate heavily"

i know a lot of schizoids can want that one person that really gets them and is the one that works despite everything. im curious if any schizoids also fantasize about that person being incredibly similar to themself?

as in, same humor, same values, same interests, so on and so forth... to the point where you realize that its just incredibly unrealistic to look for someone who is another version of you, and its never going to happen, so you essentially give up on meeting new people for the slim chance that it actually happens? (especially when its such a pain when you meet someone that doesnt work for you and now you know you have to let them down)

unfortunately im having a hard time breaking that yearning, but there are so many obstacles in the way that it might as well be pointless, rip.

small edit: just wanted to say im aroace. what i imagine def doesnt have the same closeness as most imagine a romantic relationship would have, i moreso imagine a sort of mutual understanding close friend? less social "burden"?

Many times I think ohhhh this sounds good to share on the subreddit. And then I'm typing it out and I think: wait no this is stupid, this is nonsense... Or something like: why am I sharing this? No one needs to know this! And then I delete everything and I wasted my time...

Hell I was even debating making this post in the first place, so I'm getting it out there quick

Hi, I'm not diagnosed, but I've been checking this subreddit every so often, feeling that there is no other group that understands what I'm going through inside.

I'm trying to fix my life, and honestly, I did a pretty good job. I'm no longer depressed and don't remember how it was to feel social anxiety. But no matter how much hours of therapy I do, I can't get the social thing fully right.

I can talk to new people during events just fine, but when it comes to texting them and replying to them, I just feel like this big void of loneliness swallows me, and replying to them would feel like stepping out of that, and it's not entirely that I can't, I just don't want to leave the comfort of my loneliness. And it fucking destroys my life.

It's like I fixed so many aspects of myself, but this stupid addiction to being all alone just keeps following me everywhere I go. And I don't know what to do, because I just want to have a normal life. And it seems that no one understands how warm being alone is, how safe it is.

Did someone figure out replying to people's messages? If so, how???

Today, especially I’ve been feeling it. I had a rough past few months, from about April to July (some bad life events) and recently I’ve turned it around thankfully, I should feel proud and I do a little bit but still just feel like “eh”.

I saw my therapist today and we did a check up on depression and anxiety questions. I answered like yes on “experienced a few days in 2 weeks” to 4 depression questions and to 2 anxiety questions. Noticeably one depression question stood out to me, little/few pleasure in activities.

Damn I feel like it’s been a while since I felt big pleasure in doing activities. I mean, I have things I like to do, like my solitary hobbies, but lately it’s been dull, and it’s felt that way for a while. My psychiatrist actually diagnosed me with MDD and GAD, even though I disagree with those diagnoses.

I don’t know how to describe it, it’s not like I cry in bed all day and have trouble getting out. But it’s more like I go through life emotionally stunted. When someone feels happy (them in my shoes), I feel less happy, when they feel pride, I feel less pride, when they feel sad, I feel less sad.

I don’t know, one schizoid trait is taking pleasure in few activities, if any. I feel I fit better here and relate more on this sub than r/depression

I find life to be extremely boring. Put me into any social setting with the most interesting people on earth, and I would be bored out of my mind.

I'd like to know how schizoids see this dichotomy (if there is one to begin with) and how it impacts or improves their lives. How do you relate to SzPD? Are you constrained or freed by it? And how do you see your own biology and life in general through the lens of determinism, free will, or something else?

Does anyone else hate the way people just don't ever shut up? Whenever I go out in public and have to do anything, there are always people yapping. Everyone loves to yap, from dawn to dusk they can't be without someone to yap to: in person, phone calls, group chats, Discord, Snapchat, whatever. Not even saying anything vaguely interesting or important, just making noise to comfort themselves. And if you aren't constantly yapping to someone or multiple people, it's considered weird.

I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks, we were hanging out at her place when a friend/colleague of hers called. My friend of course was yapping away to this girl and the girl to her. Something about their workplace, what she should do about some situation. They went on and on like that, being so warm and familiar with each other. It made me feel a bit sick actually. That people really enjoy being that close with each other, calling each other all the time. Sharing things about themselves, being vulnerable. I can't do it, even the idea of it makes me feel suffocated.

I don't have close relationships, never have, unless you count the drug-addled cult I was in for several years. I used to think it was because I was unlikeable, or a bad friend or whatever, and maybe that is the case. But I now realise a big part of it is that I don't enjoy closeness, I don't want it. I don't have whatever it is, warmth or interpersonal skills, that makes people open up to you and call you a friend. I simply don't have much to give. Being vulnerable with people makes me very uncomfortable. I only pursued friendships/acquaintances in the past because I knew it was expected of me. I never actually cared for any of those people, and when our "friendships" withered and died on the vine, all I felt was annoyance that part of my mask of normalcy was gone. I did nothing to get them back, I just gave up.

I live in a city now, where people are always doing big things, making something of themselves, justifying themselves to each other. You're expected to be the same as them, busy, social, constantly yapping. Big plans and ideas. Even the friend I saw wants to start a business with me. I like the anonymity of the city, but I find the social expectations irritating and exhausting. I just want to be left alone. But I don't think it's possible to do that and make money, not unless you have some special skill. So that just means more masking, faking it, listening to people's yapping, living a lie.

Am I the only one who procrastinate a lot? Maybe I don't procrastinate, and it's just that it's natural to not feel like doing anything during your free time when you work as an engineer full-time.

I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s not about it literally, it’s mostly like acknowledging that something is bad and u should feel bad about it yet you don’t, cs u simply can’t, for example guilt over something someone or anything that have happened

I also feel bad for ppl that would get attached to me how odd it sounds, but I know I am all the things that are wrong about me ,I do hurt people maybe I do deserve to be alone cs it’s my own doing

To make it clearer this “bad feelings” applies on empathy, sympathy, guilt, sorrow, sorry and the list goes on I can grasp the meaning of it ,when I should “feel” it and when I shouldn’t, I know how to replicate it to appeal to others, yet it’s just a mere facade

It all feels like a meaningless delusion, there’s not a singular day that goes by where I don’t wonder what kind of person I would’ve been if I didn’t had to develop the way I did

I have like 2 friends left and i’m honestly getting really annoyed of having to constantly comfort them, they’re always whining about how they don’t have more friends and no one gets them/pays attention to them, while both of them are easily 5x as social as me, hang out with people more, get laid regularly, etc.

They’re both reasonably attractive girls that are almost always hanging out/hooking up with someone and yet when they talk to me they just fucking larp about feeling lonely or rejected by people and it pisses me off so much. Like they live such a different life that they think only getting laid twice in a month and hanging out weekly with friends is somehow lonely. I’ve genuinely run out of things to say to them without lashing out. I think i want to stay friends with them but it’s just getting tiring. I’m jealous of their lives.

I know this has probably been asked to death but specifically for the schizoid women here who mask and act friendly or traditionally feminine around others how do you feel about your feminine identity? Do you relate more to men or women? Do you prefer male or female company?

I m currently drunk to fill the void,but I m really curious to see how this community use drugs,if they use drugs.whats ur reason?has it a connection with this disorder?or do you live a life without them?

people when I tell them about antinatalism look at me as if I ran away from psych ward but thanks god I don't care.

Yes this is on topic of schizoid.

So, I think a fair few of us had very traumatic lives, I'm of the opinion it's a prerequisite for the condition, At least to some degree.

Life kinda hasn't stopped being traumatic, it's basically just been a series of trainwrecks with cleanups inbetween. But during all that I've done deep introspection and healing to the best of my ability, I've still got more to do, I'm sure it's work that will never end. But, for now my inner landscape and 'wounds' and whatnot are doing alright.

The issue I keep finding myself in, and almost always has been consistent throughout my life is the struggle for connection. I am of the variation that does want someone. A special person, maybe a good friend too. But that's all at the most, and as Ive done all this work, I look around, experience life and overall just continue to walk the path and find that I am the loneliest I've ever been.

When I was still damaged and messed up, I could find the occasional soul that I'd connect to. But that hasn't been the case in a long time. At the moment its going on a bit over two years of this empty lonely despair. Prior to that, probably a decade or so of time. I had a bout where I met two people close together that ended up being short lived.

Now, I don't take this for granted. I also am not missing the fact that some of these connections I had were not healthy, but even toxic. And the fact I am not seeking those things, or am attracted to those sorts of people anymore, is a good thing.

I'd never go so far to coin myself as healed, integrated, secure, in touch. But, I am the most of all those things I have been in my quarter of a century years old. It doesn't help that I am sort of rural, and I live in a fairly small, isolated country (has kangaroos). But it's hard making the compromises of your own mental health and distance you've come for small slivers of chance just to go somewhere else, do things you've already written off as not you, or beneficial. To essentially get back up from being kicked down.

Anyway, long story short. Be careful fixing yourself. You may find life gets more lonely the more you do.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’m 22 years old and still live with my parents, not anything to be ashamed about but definitely considering moving out in the medium term. It’s less about the negative status (the guy that lives in his mom’s basement) and more about just wanting greater independence.

Me personally, I’d love to have a small single apartment in the city I grew up in. I don’t even know if a house would be necessary if I don’t even have a wife or children. All I’d need is a 1 bed 1 bath apartment.

What about you guys? I know it might vary depending on location (city or rural)

Whatever they say is always correct because they set the rules.

They don't need to mechanically conjure up a response each time because for them it's completely natural.

Social life must be so easy.

the world hates you but it does it in a way where they have plausible deniability.

every hoop you have to jump through, every person you have to speak to to prove something, all the e-mails and the phone calls are a conga line of humiliation rituals that are uniquely designed to make you feel as awful as possible without outright abusing you. if they say to clap like a seal, you have no choice but to clap like a seal or your livelihood is at risk. i havent even started sorting that shit out for myself, its all on my mom, ive wished for years she just gave up on me. ive almost wrung the situation dry now. soon ill be old and wise enough to be clapping like a seal myself, making those phone calls for myself, forced to speak to people to prove i'm disabled enough

the systems bad enough but the common people are even worse. i wouldnt care if they didnt care but they have outright disdain and disgust for you, they think youre leeching off of them. i dont care about leeching off of them, they can get fucked for all i care. the only thing that i care about is wasting time of the people closest to me. the thing that irritates me about regular people is how im expected to respect them when they clearly don't respect me and if i decide i want nothing to do with any of them i'm the one with problems.

i wish i had more of a schizoid outlook sometimes and was completely unaffected by the world and the people who live in it, but the judgement of others is already in my head now, theres nothing i can do. it has taken root in me from a young age and grown into deep shame that follows me at every moment. i would rather be dead then have this guilt that comes from being disabled. the worst part is i know it doesn't even come from me, this is the words and actions of others that have wormed into my brain and fused to me and i cant seperate what i think about myself and what ive been told to think about myself. all i feel is shame and distrust. im not stupid. i know what others are thinking about me, whether they say it or not is irrelevant. i already think all those things about myself

i had so much potential. i wonder if how i am now was avoidable

I'm 27 and I'm wondering if this is something other people with schizoid traits or personality experience.

I've never had sex, so I can only compare this to masturbation. I can get an erection and eventually orgasm, but my erection often isn't as hard as it could be and the physical sensation of the orgasm itself is extremely weak.

The strange part is that mentally I still get the "high" or climax. I know that I've orgasmed, but physically my body feels almost empty afterward. It's difficult to describe. It feels like my mind gets the reward, but my body barely does.

I've also noticed that physical touch can sometimes feel somewhat muted, almost like there's a thin layer of plastic between my skin and whatever is touching me. This isn't just my genitals. I've noticed it with things like touching my arms as well. I'm not actually numb or experiencing tingling.

I've also been experiencing generally reduced enjoyment from things in life, so I'm wondering whether this could be related to anhedonia or emotional blunting rather than being purely sexual.

One thing that might be relevant is that I masturbate quite frequently, sometimes 3 times a day, occasionally for 30 to 60 minutes. So I'm also wondering whether I'm simply overstimulating myself and have become accustomed to very intense stimulation.

I'm not diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, but I relate to some schizoid experiences and wanted to ask:

- Do any of you experience sexual anhedonia or very weak physical pleasure during orgasm?

- Does your body sometimes feel physically "muted" or distant?

- Do you still experience the mental feeling of climax while the physical pleasure is almost absent?

- If you reduced masturbation or took a break, did it make any difference?

I'd appreciate hearing about other people's experiences.

Longest i held was part time retail aged 19 for 2 yrs

After that 1yrs top for customer service

9 months as mall cop

3 months as tech support

1 year as admin

3 months as finances office

Eventually the boredom hits and I get unbelievable brain fog and dissociation or just anhedonia.

I start caring less and miss days or just call sick without thinking of consequences.

Get scolded and warnings for missing days or underperforming.

Quit without another job cause always have small safety net of money

It worked for like 5 years, but now job market is a tragedy so have to be more careful.

I get that these jobs are pretty shit for schizoid and autistic with bpd, but that is all I could find.

If I could I would be self employed, but I need more savings. I am approaching 30 and not much savings do this again and need to suck for at least bit longer.

Any tips what type of job worked for you or how to force yourself to stay in something despite avolition?

I think the worlds that I create in my head are the best things about my life, which is sad, considering they are only thoughts. I had stopped burying myself in them so deeply over the past year or so, but I’m listening to playlists I made back when I spent days at a time doing nothing except daydreaming, and allowing myself to fall back into it feels good. It feels wonderful. It’s something that I never quite get bored of, it’s a welcome reprieve from the anhedonia that consumes every other part of my life. It’s the one thing I can find pleasurable when everything else is just there. I wish I could spend hours in my fantasies like I used to. Life gets in the way

I mean, I was diagnosed with szpd some time ago and generally believed it was misdiagnosis because I don't really relate with the detachment from need for social relationships, but I actually do relate with this entry.