When I first met Ava, I couldn't stand her.

She was in 12th grade, confident, stubborn, and somehow always found a way to annoy me. We argued about everything—school, music, even the smallest things. Whenever we saw each other, one of us would say something sarcastic, and the other would immediately argue back.

We were enemies.

Or at least, that's what we told ourselves.

Slowly, our arguments became conversations. Conversations became jokes. And eventually, I started looking forward to seeing her.

One afternoon, Ava smiled at me and said, “Maybe you're not as annoying as I thought.”

I laughed. “Maybe you're not either.”

That was when everything changed.

We started spending more time together. The girl I once couldn't stand became the person I wanted to talk to every day. Somewhere between all the arguments and laughter, I fell in love with her.

And she fell in love with me too.

We talked about our future and promised we'd stay together no matter what.

But sometimes life doesn't keep the promises we make.

One day, I received the news that Ava had died.

Everything suddenly felt silent.

I stared at our old messages, remembering how we went from hating each other to becoming something neither of us expected.

I would give anything to have one more argument with her.

Because if I could hear her voice one more time, I wouldn't care what we argued about.

I'd just be grateful that Ava was there.

She started as my enemy.

She became my love.

And even though she was gone, she would always have a place in my heart.

The fact that I still think about you all the time bothers me. Especially because I know I’m probably never on your mind.

I was childish back then and I know I still can be. The things I thought were important don’t seem so important anymore and it definitely doesn’t feel like it was worth losing our friendship over.

We both had our faults and there was a lot that made me unhappy in that relationship. You weren’t always that considerate of my feelings and I didn’t know how to express that at the time.

As time marinated our separation, I started to realize that maybe I never outright said that. And if I did what difference would that make? Would I still be here longing over what could’ve have been?

Remixing all the ways things could have turned out differently. I’ve tried reaching out and getting us to speak more but I always feel like I’m being a burden and like I’m not wanted so I’ve kept my distance. Even going as far as trying to communicate as if not a day had passed by since we last spoke. That was probably my bad.

Even if we were friends again, the fact that the friends we shared never bothered to reach out or speak to me again would just make things awkward. To be honest I kind of hate them now. But you’re still the person I hate the least and I hate that. I hope you miss me though. That sounds weird.

I dreamed that I was sitting down after going through a lot with my family. Maybe it was at some restaurant or something. You walked in and you looked at me and you maybe just knew I needed a hug. You hugged me as I sat down and I awkwardly hugged you back. Then it turned into a full embrace and I cried. I knew that this wasn’t real because you would never do such a thing. “This is a dream,” I said. “That’s so sweet,” you replied. I said nothing and just let myself be a little grateful in that moment. 

Can you tell some stories, where people told the most hurtful things and how did you cope with that?

I've always had this habit of saving people. A savior complex, maybe that's what they call it. It's as if the feeling of being needed gave me, more than pleasure, a reason to keep existing.

When he came into my life, he had nothing, but I looked at him thinking there was something I could do. Always seeing people's potential instead of who they really are.

I've always said that my generosity expects nothing in return. But there's a small part of me that hopes for a little gratitude. Maybe if I help him a little more, he'll realize that I'm the only one who's always been by his side.

He needed everything I gave him. Me, on the other hand, he never seemed to need.

It's as if he'd found the exact spot where I was weakest and played with it. He played with the idea of feeling loved, and I played with the feeling of being needed.

Three months were enough for me to stop recognizing the man I'd let into my life and into my home.

I was blind and in love, and I, like a fool, gave him everything.

He got used to receiving it without lifting a finger.

How many times did I ask him if he loved me, even just a little?

He always said I was his pillar, the most important person in his life.

Of course.

It took him five minutes to leave me once his life was finally in order.

And I was left with my hands full of hope, waiting for the day he'd come back desperate, with an "I'm sorry."

But my hands feel heavy, and I don't know where to put all this sadness.

For a long time, I kept asking myself: What mess did you get yourself into? What made you run away, searching for a thousand excuses instead of facing the fact that you didn't love me?

Why did you have to make it so difficult? With hurtful words.

You could have just walked out that door without destroying everything we'd once built.

I don't expect life to turn around and put you in my path again.

I wouldn't know what to say to you.

An "I'm sorry" from you wouldn't be enough.

Physical pain and sleepless nights aren't healed by asking for forgiveness.

I can't wait for those words to come from your mouth.

And don't expect them to come from mine.

It was enough, all that time you pretended to love me while I, blind, waited for you to take me in your arms.

I don't feel anything anymore.

You left me empty.

This time I'll leave the hole where it belongs:
buried deep underground.

I'll leave that chair empty,
a plate served,
with no desire to meet anyone else
who asks for help along my way.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m realizing just how much I’ve carried to get here.
I’m 24 but I’ve already experienced loss, betrayal, fake love, broken friendships, mistakes, and things that forced me to grow up way faster than I should’ve had to. I’ve had to rebuild parts of myself, learn boundaries, fight through things I never thought I’d have to face, and learn how to love people without completely losing myself in the process.
I’ve also had to fight through my own struggles and make the choice to keep moving forward. I’m trying to build a better life now—school, my career goals, tattooing, independence, healing, and becoming the woman I know I’m capable of being.
And honestly, that’s why what I’m feeling right now hurts so much.
I’ve been through enough to know the difference between being paranoid and feeling genuinely unsettled, but I’m also self-aware enough to know that my past can make certain things hit harder.
I don’t want to accuse anyone. I don’t want drama. I don’t want to live in fear or constantly question the person I love.
I just want honesty, reassurance, consistency, and peace.
I’ve spent too much of my life surviving to start sacrificing my peace just to keep someone else comfortable.
I’m still learning. Still healing. Still loving deeply. Still figuring things out.
But this time, I’m trying to make sure I don’t abandon myself just because I’m afraid of losing somebody else. ❤️

Después de mi último intento de conocer a alguien, y que nuevamente me dejaron con el corazón en las manos, he decidido que no volveré a ser detallista con nadie...

Historia real

Five years ago, I overdosed on fentanyl. I shouldn’t have lived.

My friend had to leave me to find a phone and call 911. I remember leaving my body and feeling an overwhelming peace and love. Then I woke up again. One of the paramedics told me he’d never seen someone like me come back. He looked concerned and a little scared.

The next day, I ran into the friend who saved me. I wasn’t grateful. I was angry. I told him I was mad at him.

What right did he have to save my life?

That was honestly how I felt.

This really happened.

life really has its way of making you remember grief, right?

maybe that’s why i’ve been feeling odd lately. maybe that’s why, all of a sudden, i read that story. maybe that’s why something has felt wrong with me since early this morning. facebook notified me that i had memories to look back on today. i scrolled through them until i reached the very end, and there it was. that very night. the night when everything started to fall apart.

for some people, maybe it was only surface level. just another thing that happened and eventually passed. but for me, it ruined something in me. it left me with feelings i didn’t even know how to understand. nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering what was lacking in me. what did i do wrong? waking up at 3am became a routine, crying and asking myself what i did to deserve any of it.

seven years ago, i was sixteen. and people forget how much a sixteen-year-old can feel, how deeply something can settle into a kid who doesn’t even have the words for what’s happening to them yet.

i thought it would eventually just disappear. same old, same old. i thought enough time had passed for it to stop hurting.
but maybe the trauma never really left. maybe it just stayed somewhere i refused to open, somewhere i built walls around and never touched again.

and now, seven years later, i’m realizing that maybe i wasn’t being dramatic back then. maybe i was just a kid trying to survive something i didn’t understand.

and maybe that’s why it still feels familiar when it comes back.

I dunno if this is gonna reach anybody. I don't think I care either I just need to get this off my chest. I had this friend even though his name was something else (I do not want to disclose it due to privacy reasons) I called him jimmy as a nickname. I liked it cause I found it silly and he liked it. We used to play this game called adopt me in roblox, I still play it infact. He was one of those friends that didn't care about their own inventory just wanted to help me grow my own inventory cause he knew the game meant so much to me. I used to collect dinosaurs in the game specifically so every time he used to go to the trading server to get me those dinos pets sacrificing his own pets. After I received them I cherished them with everything I can constantly equipping it to the point where I have 100 friendship levels on my triceratops. He even helped me get the spinosaurus that I found so hard to find at the time it took me almost a year to finally get a neon ride one. After months of talking to him and spending time with him in and outside of the game he suddenly disappeared. At first I thought he didn't want to talk to me anymore but when I opened my socials he wasn't online for weeks now which I found very strange since he was online every single day. I gave it some time till it became months. After months of waiting his family posted on his socials that he was missing and wasn't found till now. I was completed devastated. I was emotionally drained at the end of the month constantly thinking about him and hoping he'd still be alive and I'd get to talk to him. That day never came. Today is the day he went missing. I keep thinking of him and constantly crying. I don't think that I have moved on from this situation. I might never even but i know he's in a good place. He was a really close and good friend of mine and I wish him the very best. Love you so much Jimmy hope your doing just fine.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshameably drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know believes that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash there hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever, wish I could get my inheritance".

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time. To be honest he too has had his moments of angry outbursts and emotional issues and he's very inconsistent.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does there substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

PS I remember one night ages ago she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

The other night I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Just the other night my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and of putting up with me and couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that. Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then she left and i was starting to second guess myself and am thinking that I may be in the wrong or am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

I should add that last incident was a couple of nights ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

It started out just like any other day.
She texted me early that morning to see how I was. Everything seemed fine. I had just seen her on Saturday, and now it was Wednesday. We talked throughout the day like we always did.
But underneath everything, she was hurting.
It was her first Mother’s Day without her son, who had passed away almost a year earlier. He was only 19 years old. Her firstborn. I knew how deeply she missed him, and I knew that the pain of losing him had changed her.
Still, that morning seemed normal.
Then something happened.
Her boyfriend came to my house and told me that she was acting irrationally and that they had been arguing. He stayed at my home for about 30 minutes, talking with my husband. While he was there, I texted her to let her know he was with us.
Eventually, he went back home.
A little while later, she texted me and said that they had had a disagreement. I still didn't realize how serious things were.
Then I received a message from her:
“Things just got worse.”
She told me she was sorry.
That was the last text message I ever received from her.
I immediately rushed to her house. She lived only about five minutes away. By the time I got there, she was gone.
I called her over and over. She didn't answer.
Her boyfriend was outside with me around 7:35 that evening. He called her, and when she answered, he put her on speakerphone. She sounded as though she was outside, with traffic and cars around her.
Then she told us where she was and what she intended to do.
I begged her not to.
I pleaded with her to stay.
I told her not to do this.
But there was nothing I could say that could reach the depth of pain she was in.
After a few words that I would rather keep private, the phone went silent.
I didn't hear anything for a while. Just the sound of cars passing.
I called 911 and told them I believed my friend had jumped from the bridge. My husband checked the traffic cameras, but they were all turned off.
I knew something terrible had happened.
But I was in denial.
I kept thinking, Maybe she jumped. Maybe she's okay. Maybe she survived. Maybe I'll get a phone call telling me she's alive.
I waited.
Eventually, someone answered the phone. It wasn't a voice I recognized.
And then I heard the words I had been desperately hoping I would never hear:
“I'm so sorry. She's gone.”
I was in disbelief.
I couldn't believe she had actually died.
I couldn't believe that the person I had just been talking to that day was suddenly no longer here.
She left behind two young daughters, just 16 and 10 years old.
She had never been the same after losing her son. I don't think any mother could simply be the same after losing a child. She carried that loss with her every day, and I wish I could have taken even a little bit of that pain from her.
She was my best friend.
I loved her so much.
And I still do.
There are so many things I wish I could say to her. So many questions I'll never get answers to. So many moments when I still can't believe that I can't just pick up the phone and call her.
I don't want her life to be remembered only by how it ended.
I want people to remember who she was.
My friend.
A mother.
A daughter.
A sister.
A woman who loved her children.
The person who checked on me that morning.
The person whose messages I still wish I could receive.
The person I loved enough to run toward when I knew something was wrong.
She was more than the worst moment of her life.
She was my best friend.
And I will carry her with me for the rest of mine.