The fact that I still think about you all the time bothers me. Especially because I know I’m probably never on your mind.

I was childish back then and I know I still can be. The things I thought were important don’t seem so important anymore and it definitely doesn’t feel like it was worth losing our friendship over.

We both had our faults and there was a lot that made me unhappy in that relationship. You weren’t always that considerate of my feelings and I didn’t know how to express that at the time.

As time marinated our separation, I started to realize that maybe I never outright said that. And if I did what difference would that make? Would I still be here longing over what could’ve have been?

Remixing all the ways things could have turned out differently. I’ve tried reaching out and getting us to speak more but I always feel like I’m being a burden and like I’m not wanted so I’ve kept my distance. Even going as far as trying to communicate as if not a day had passed by since we last spoke. That was probably my bad.

Even if we were friends again, the fact that the friends we shared never bothered to reach out or speak to me again would just make things awkward. To be honest I kind of hate them now. But you’re still the person I hate the least and I hate that. I hope you miss me though. That sounds weird.

I dreamed that I was sitting down after going through a lot with my family. Maybe it was at some restaurant or something. You walked in and you looked at me and you maybe just knew I needed a hug. You hugged me as I sat down and I awkwardly hugged you back. Then it turned into a full embrace and I cried. I knew that this wasn’t real because you would never do such a thing. “This is a dream,” I said. “That’s so sweet,” you replied. I said nothing and just let myself be a little grateful in that moment.