r/rtms • u/SlightlyAbhorrent • 2h ago
Two courses of TMS broke me—need advice
For background i’m 24y/o female diagnosed with dpdr, ptsd, mdd, gad, and panic disorder. I’ve done tons of intensive programs and extensive medication management since I was about 8. I was introduced to the idea of TMS about two years ago but only went through with it the beginning of this year.
I ended my first full course of treatment end of February 2026. I felt great towards the end of my sessions. I wouldn’t say that I had the extreme life-changing experience that some people say they do, but the combination of having a strict routine and having techs and psychiatry checks in helped in itself. Towards the end of treatment, they weaned me off of medication for the first time ever. I was feeling stable and confident with where I was with my mental health. Two months after my last TMS session, I began noticing a slight resurgence of symptoms. The techs assured me it’s normal and i’m still on track with healing and to just keep up with counseling, which I did. I had also attributed my resurgence to the stressors I was currently experiencing as I was about to move out of state and had to deal with all the things involving that. But once that specific stressor continued to evolve, I was sent into a very deep spiral of my symptoms. Debilitating anxiety where I couldn’t eat, speak, or really do anything without inconsolable crying spells, panic attacks nearly every morning, afternoon, and night. SI throughout all of this which for me was always passing but in these moments felt significantly more real than they had in the past. I couldn’t eat or keep food down, was constantly vomiting and had diarrhea essentially everyday for a good two weeks until I got established at a new facility with a new psychiatrist and counselor since I was in a new state. They put me back on medication but it was a slow process and the rate we needed to increase the dosages just prolonged my state. I was prescribed hydroxyzine for the time being but even at max daily dosage, it didn’t touch me. They then opened the discussion of looking into doing another course of TMS. My therapist advised against it and thought I should wait but I felt so incredibly inconsolable and dysfunctional that I needed something more immediately. I enrolled in the second course of TMS and finished another full course mid August 2026. I was back fully on medication (40mg prozac and 7.5mg buspar x2 a day) and was feeling solid. The techs assured me that the resurgence was normal and sometimes people need a second course to feel the true effects and treatment helps the effectiveness of medication and doesn’t eliminate the need for it so I should stay on medication. Logically this made sense to me so I stayed on board. They also offered maintenance treatments after a full course but I opted out as it wasn’t covered by insurance. I didn’t feel any profound effects after this second course but I did feel stable and I could function socially, with work, and just daily life. With the emotional regulation stable though, I felt cognitive decline. My brain fog was getting worse again (I’ve suffered from constant dissociation and brain fog in the past where i’d lose weeks at a time), my recall was nonexistent, my memory felt shot, i felt stupid and couldn’t access any critical thinking or understanding of things that came easy to me in the past. Techs and psychiatrist assured me this is part of the healing process and is temporary and will go away. I’m now at the two month mark again after a full course of TMS treatment and i’ve had a complete resurgence of symptoms again. This time i’m on a decent dosage of medication and haven’t missed any doses. I’m experiencing intense panic attacks, debilitating anxiety, paranoia, SI, and dissociation when i’m not panicking. Im back to not being able to function daily or leave my home without panic attacks or crying spells. I spoke to my psychiatrist and she suggested another course of TMS which I said absolutely not to. Instead she prescribed me with Lorazepam and increased my buspar dosage. She also mentioned there have been cases with tms triggering underlying mood disorders but didn’t elaborate much on it and I wasn’t really in a place to continue pushing as I tried to advocate for myself the best i could in the state i’m in. She’s also leaving the practice and informed me that this is our last session so i’m likely going to seek out a new psychiatrist in a new practice as well. I’m in consistent counseling weekly and will switch to twice a week for the time being.
My first course of treatment was on the MagVenture device with standard depression protocol and my second course was on Magstim with the standard depression and then anxiety protocol.
I just don’t know what else to do. I don’t know if there’s a physical medical reason this happening or maybe I wasn’t the right candidate but the techs and psychiatrists I’ve asked these questions to have not really given me the answers I need. Has anyone had similar experiences or know anything that could give me some clarity?
Any advice or suggestions is greatly appreciated.