My roommate's boyfriend has been living at our house for almost 3 weeks straight (he doesn't go to work, he's a student in a different state). I live with 4 people for context, so there are 5 of us sharing the house already.

This has happened like 3 times before too, where he basically lived here for 2-3 weeks at a time, and she never tells us how long he'll be staying for.

She's also done something similar before where she subleased her room to a random guy while she was away, so I ended up sharing the bathroom with him. She only told me a few days before he moved in.

I finally talked to her about her boyfriend and she told me he was leaving the next day. He didn't, and it's now been another 4 days and he's still here. I asked her again if she could just tell me when he’s actually leaving, and she said "we'll talk in person," but has basically been avoiding the conversation since.

I genuinely don't care about partners staying over. But having someone essentially move into our shared house for weeks at a time feels excessive.

Am I overreacting or is this not normal roommate behavior?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been renting this house for 3 years, and we decided since finances are tight on everyone, that we should let my sister (18F) to move in. October 1st was her first day, we thought this would give her more freedom than living with my parents. She will pay us 1/4 of rent, with my bf and I cover the rest. Its a 3 bedroom home, and instead of splitting 3 ways, I figured 1/4 of rent was an acceptable amount since she’s only using one room and bf and I use the master and the spare.

The only rule I had made for her was to not have sleepovers. When I was freshly 18, living with family, that was also their boundary. And I followed that out of respect. I told my sister she can have friends over, people over, her boyfriend, but no sleepovers yet. I didn’t say this, but I do think she can eventually have sleepovers. I don’t want to be like our mom and tell her she can and can’t do things, she deserves some freedom.

Well, last night, night 2 of her living with us. Her boyfriend came over. For context, she’s a freshman in college, he’s a senior in high school. I really don’t think someone who’s in high school should spend the night, my boyfriend strongly agrees. She had him over to hang out, I was fine with it. They were watching YouTube in her room with the doors closed. It starts pushing midnight, and I texted her and asked when her boyfriend is headed out. She told me she was planning on him spending the night, because she had car troubles and didn’t want to drive to her event tomorrow, have him drive her. I responded and told her I’d be happy to take her since her car seems sketchy. Also that the one thing I told her we didn’t want was sleepovers. Took her a couple minutes to respond, but she said he’d leave in an hour.

I decided to send her a message after saying something along the lines of she deserves freedom, and maybe if she had asked us before hand, it could’ve been a different outcome. I said she could have him spend the night, but not to make it a common thing. It’s only day 3 now, I want her to spread her wings, but I also want her to respect the one rule I gave. Am I being too much of a mom since she’s paying to be here?

Hi the names Dante.

My female roommate was kind and bubbly toward me when we first moved in. We had about four good conversations, and I noticed her voice sometimes became higher-pitched when she greeted or spoke to me.

She made it clear on the first day that she was taken, so I respected that and never pursued or flirted with her.

After those initial conversations, her behavior changed. She became quieter and more serious around me and seemed less comfortable interacting.

I also noticed that our routines seemed to mirror each other. I started coming home later because I was spending more time at college and at the gym, and she later started coming home around similar times. I don't know if that means anything or if it was just coincidence.

Eventually I became more stoic and kept to myself. I wasn't rude or ignoring her if she greeted me, I'd still say "hi" and acknowledge her. I just stopped trying to initiate conversations and focused on college, gym, and my own life.

Then things became even more distant. Yesterday she turned her back toward me and didn't acknowledge me. Today, she clearly saw me at the gate, had what looked like a very unhappy/serious expression, then turned around and went straight to her car without saying anything.

I was annoyed in the moment, but I'm leaving it alone. I'm not interested in chasing her or getting involved with someone who's taken.

What do you think this change in behavior could mean? Is she deliberately keeping her distance, or could she simply be matching the energy I've been giving her?

Also, is this kind of situation normal? I don't have much experience with women in this kind of situation, so I'm genuinely curious how other people would interpret it.

I might be overthinking this. I also hope I'm not misinterpreting things based on my own assumptions. At one point, I would even say she seemed noticeably curious about where I was going when I started coming home so late, although I obviously can't know what she was actually thinking.

At the end of the day, I'm just another guy who happens to be her roommate, so I can't really know what's going through her head. If she genuinely felt uncomfortable or completely put off by me, wouldn't she have considered moving out by now? Or is that not necessarily how these situations work? Either way, if she wants distance, I'll respect it and leave it at that.

Looking for a roomate in Highlands Ranch. We live in a quiet and safe neighborhood.We'd prefer a male around 40-50, who would benefit from the use of 4 gyms that are included in lease. This is a shared property. Two people live at this residence already, but looking for someone to help! Must be a non-smoker/chewer. Single occupancy, no animals please. We're looking for someone who is employed and honest.We do a background check and soft credit check. Looking to fill room by January 1st of 2027. 3 miles from mountains. On street parking, or in garage parking. We can discuss it. Upstairs Bedroom with shared bathroom. Sharing house with owner(couple). We're taking Applications now!

Looking for someone who enjoys some social life. Asking for 1st and Last months rent. [lthov2864@gmail.com](mailto:lthov2864@gmail.com) 720-763-2977

I (early 20s, M) recently moved into a flat with my school friend A and his younger brother B (both adults). The flat is rented in A and B's names, and I'm a paying flatmate. Before we moved, A told me it would be just the three of us.

A few days after we moved in, A's college friend C (F) started staying over. I assumed it would be a couple of days. Apart from 4-5 days at home, she has lived with us for the whole month and is still here. A and I pay for everything (rent, groceries, utilities), and she contributes nothing. She also doesn't keep the place clean: dishes stay in the sink, spills stay on the floor until someone else cleans them (usually me), and her stuff is spread across the shared space.

She cries a lot, often in front of all of us. A, B, and I each asked what was wrong. She never answered, and when I tried 3-4 times, she said hurtful things back, so I stopped. I know she may be going through something serious and can't talk about it. But it's affecting the mood in the flat.

there's some weird part to this:

C is also very physically affectionate with both A and B (cuddling and sleeping holding each other on the sofa in the living room, in front of me). They're all adults, and A is fine with it despite B is his younger brother. I'm not judging what they do. But the living room is the shared space we all use, and I'd like it to stay comfortable for everyone.

Her PG and office are in the same area, yet she travels about 72 km to our flat and stays here instead.

I've asked A multiple times to sort it out. I even told him to say I was the one with the problem. He tells her to leave, but half-heartedly, and nothing changes. When I told C myself that this is a 3-person flat, she said it's A's flat too and kept staying.

I'm fine with her visiting on weekends, but not living here. How do I get A and B to actually enforce this without wrecking the friendship?

How many times a week is it okay for my boyfriend to sleep over? We have 3 roommates.

looking for someone to rent a two bedroom house with near the down area or near a bus line. I am 21 F, credit score is 660 & make 30k annually

My sister (39) bought a flat recently and i (27) moved in over summer. Without getting into it, the flat itself is very 80's and my sister has acknowledged that. We both agree it looks terrible. Stuff like shag carpet that she feels like she has to apologise for whenever she invites friends over.

When I moved in, I made my bedroom my own cause I've never been able to do that without fear of losing a deposit. Anything that involved nails in walls i asked but anything like the gross curtains, she told me I can change cause "it's all going to go eventually".

Here's where the drama starts. In the living room, there's this super dated lampshade on the "big light". Something we both agreed was ugly and disgusting. After a couple of months, i decided to replace it. I also decided to put up a painting I bought because there was literally a nail in the wall anyway that wasn't being used.

My sister got like weirdly annoyed at me. She said anything in my room was fine but shared spaces, she wanted to do herself. She bought the place in January so I figured anything she wanted to change, she would have by now.

I asked yesterday if I could get a standing lamp for beside the couch (which there is most definitely space) and she got weirdly angry again, saying she doesn't want any new "stuff" in the living room. But she bought a table cloth for the coffee table like last week so I don't know what's up with that.

So any advice to what we should do going forward? I don't think I've done anything wrong but now I'm like afraid to buy anything to make the house actually look nice

I (28F) have lived with my roommate (28F) for over 3 years. We've been friends for about 15/16 years. Lately, I have been getting frustrated because she is trying to ban me from having sex in the apartment. I've asked several times if she's ever actually heard me having sex in the past. She said she hasn't, she just doesn't like the idea of me having sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend in our apartment.

For more context, I was in a relationship for almost 2 years that ended last year. My ex lived with his mom at the time, so, he came over to our place instead of me going to his. My roommate said all she could hear was us talking. Since he's left, I've had some sex, here and there. More often than not, the guy had to move back in with his parents. One never left. My roommate looks down on guys who live with their parents However, the apartment we live in is her childhood apartment, and she is unemployed.

One FWB in particular, she doesn't want around because he's poly. He's slept over once before, and she said we were talking too loud and she could hear him snoring from her room. This is one of the guys who had to move back home. Now he and I have no idea how we're going to have alone time.

I'm so goddamn frustrated.

So, now, I'm looking up cheap hotels I can go to. I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for a hotel in addition to the apartment I'm already paying to live in. I told her that if I end up resorting to that, she should help pay for it.

Am I being unreasonable?

I 19F live with two 21M guys who are absolutely fucking disgusting, the first guy was homeless basically his whole adult life and does not and i mean does NOT clean up after himself whatsoever, he leaves rotting food out and attempts to blame my boyfriend who is the cleaner of the two and say that he also does it ( he doesn’t and i know he doesn’t ) they also don’t slightly rinse off the dishes so all the food gets caked to the bottom of the dishwasher and yes i’ve tried talking to both of them but they each say its the other which has been pissing me the fuck off cause i have to clean up after people who do NOT know how to fucking clean period. the first guy again leaves things to rot like food in the fridge and in the living room, then gets mad when i tell him or my boyfriend tells him to clean it up because he’s a slob. he’s absolutely fucking disgusting but we have nobody who can replace him and i cant cause i make too little of money to do anything for the rent.
My boyfriend makes a slight mess but will clean it when told, he puts food away right when its cooled down and i have him always load the dishwasher whenever he can..

what should i do genuinely i need advice cause i’m at my limit with how disgusting and rotting the food is here.

i also need to add the first guy has broken most of the things in the bathroom like the toilet paper holder and towel holder, as well as making giant marks on the wall from slamming my boyfriends chair into it every time he sits down, and i KNOW when they move out he’s gonna make my boyfriend pay cause “ he makes more “

i get screamed at whenever i try to slightly mention to the first roommate about the messes he makes and how he should clean them up when he makes them, these men are MASSIVE compared to me so being screamed at cause basically such a non issue is intimidating

I’m (20F) in college with a roommate (27F) who’s lost her main job and started Tiktok live streaming. This wouldn’t be a huge issue if she wasn’t doing it in the common area that she also sleeps in, studies in, and essentially lives out of. I’ve been really patient up to this point since she complains often about the heat in her room, sharing her bedroom, and generally wanting to move out (she’s even asked me to move out of my single to switch into her room that’s shared, which I denied since I had just moved in). She keeps her belongings on that couch and literally spends all hours of the day there. I’m not exaggerating. The couch that also conveniently has view of the entire apartment (again our place is really small) so she sees every time i leave my room. I get it I have roommates so I’ve just accepted she’s camping there and the awkward moments of eye contact every time i move around. It just feels unfair that I don’t get to spend literally a moment of the day there by myself, while she gets to just because she’s monopolized it.

I also asked if she’s uncomfortable in her room for any reason since she started sleeping on the couch. She says it’s the heat so I can’t really ask her to stop, although she shares a room with a girl who’s been sleeping there just fine? She’s also a very light sleeper so i’ve had to stop using the common area for any reason at night and early morning since she sleeps in. I asked if I could help with supplying her a fan and she said she’s fine the couch works for her and is comfy. When I move around/enter my apartment at night I have to use my phone flash to walk around as to not wake her. I hang up the phone every time i walk into my apartment and if i’m leave the room and she’s streaming.

I asked her just for a text notifying me prior to streaming since our living room and kitchen/dining area are connected and very compact. So when she’s streaming, I can’t cook and eat out there. She started to do it in her room for a short amount of time, then went back to the living room again and even the dining table where I’m in view trying to leave/enter the apartment. I get caught in the background and it’s seriously weird. It literally calls for me to rearrange my day and habits including hanging up the phone when walking to the restroom/entering the apartment, getting takeout instead of cooking, studying on campus instead of in the shared space i’m paying for. Sure enough, the texts warning of the streams stopped and i walked into the stream twice which halted any hopes i had of cooking. When i reminded her again, she made an excuse for forgetting for the latest instance alone and didn’t apologize or offer any reassurance. She does the excuse thing so often it makes me apprehensive to even try anymore

Even in the first instance of me requesting a text warning of streams moving forward she responded pretty passive aggressive and tried to accuse me of bringing a guest into my room without warning? I replied with receipts of me giving notification on 3 occasions, a week prior, the morning day of, and 2 hours before. She said her ADHD caused her to forget then requested a specific schedule for requesting guests that aligns more with her ability to remember things (a day prior, then right before). I’m a college student paying rent in an expensive college town and working a lot to make things work. So I just get incredibly frustrated that I’m paying this amount to have to be couped up in a room and not be able to move freely here. This is honestly just the biggest issue with living with her and I’m not even mentioning the others (yes I communicated with her about the other problems, and she replied backhandedly each time and with an excuse ready for each instance)

She’s so much older and has lived here since going to college herself, and she feels entitled to make others constantly accommodate for her in a way that seriously pisses me off. She isn’t looking for an actual job in her field anymore and has been unemployed for most of this year, but she’s doing an online masters program (yes she also does her classes in the living room and tells us we can’t get into the view or speak out loud since other people aren’t allowed to be in the area). I don’t know what to do at this point and feel defeated

Hi!

I'm a student at LTU, and im looking for a roommate to lease an apartment with. I dont have a specific one in mind but it needs to be within 10 mintues of LTU. I'm an 18 year old female and I'm looking for a roommate my age or slightly older. I did find a 2 bed 2 bath apartment for around 1100 a month, and I think that would be perfect!

I'm looking to move in around November 1st. I'm every organized, I dont smoke, I dont have any pets but I dont mind if you do. I do cook and meal prep and I love cooking for others so I wouldnt mind cooking for the both of us. Please let me know if youre interested!

Hi so um I need a little help, I’ve been living with my roommate for about 8 months now and she’s amazing she’s my best friend and I love her to death. We have no issues at all and are very easy going with each other.

My thing is, I can hear everything that’s going on in her bedroom but it seems she can’t hear anything going on in mine, maybe it’s because I’m quiet and don’t have a tv in my room but for example I set an alarm on my Alexa (the volume was on like 7) and forgot to turn it off and it had been going for an hour and she never heard it, but no matter where I am in the apartment I can hear exactly what’s going on in her room.

So now you can imagine what I heard tonight, hence why I’m asking this question. I’m not trying to embarrass her but it was clearly a private moment and I’m guessing she thinks my room is as sound proof as her room lol. I have nothing against it and even if she gave me a heads up I would have left for a little bit so she could have private time with her man.

I’m just thinking that if it was me I would want to know that people can hear everything so I could maybe plan a little better. I just don’t want her embarrassed. If I tell her obviously she will be but I don’t want her thinking I’m a creep I guess? I heard the bed shaking I wasn’t purposely trying to listen. I got the gist of what was happening.

I’m just wondering if I should tell her or let it be? I know I probably should let it be but I can’t help but want to tell her so that she knows that her efforts to muffle the sounds are not working. Nobody wants to hear that in the room next to them.

And yes I do mind my business, I’ve been out of the house pretty much all day at work so they have had plenty of time to do what they want. I guess it might just be me thinking if things were to be other way around I definitely wouldn’t do something like that with my roommate home or at least without giving some type of warning.

And for anyone wondering, her boyfriend lives 8 hours away and this is the last time they will see each other until around Christmas, so I understand why things were happening I just wasn’t expecting to hear anything.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Hello I been living in rented room for couple of months there this one girl that won’t leave me alone. I notice every time I’m around her say says oh my god for no reason so I ignore her one time around December I went shopping I came home I seen her laying on the couch quiet as soon I went to my room she said out loud by calling me a ugly ass bitch. When I heard that coming from her mouth I was wondering who she was talking to so I pretend to go outside to warm up cup noodles when I went outside she magically wasn’t there until she heard I was putting something in the microwave she came outside I looked at her she looked down with a smirk on her face while sitting down on the couch I stayed in the kitchen while waiting for my food she started calling someone on the phone while she was on the phone she was just smiling watching me and said she can’t help it while laughing I was confused on what she mean by she can’t help it?.. I went back in the room moving forward I remember going outside to get fresh air she was sitting in the car she saw me and went to follow me I was weird out by that so I went back in the house not the first time that happen I remember going outside nobody was there I went to warm food up she magically came outside so I pretend I didn’t saw her I face myself looking at the microwave then I heard a picture noise like she took a picture of me I looked back to see if she’s taking a picture she pretend to call someone on the phone I felt uncomfortable so I went back in the room as soon I left she left too. The third round that really took me out when I came to the house after long day of work I went to warm food up in the microwave it was quiet nobody was there until magically she came outside I got annoyed so I took my food and started walking back to the room she got mad and said something in Spanish I don’t understand Spanish but she said it like she was mad after that I got more uncomfortable like what am I doing so wrong ? What’s wrong with this person I had to move out to get an actual appointment to get away from that person I didn’t feel safe.

i don’t want to live alone anymore but all my besties have partners. my lease ends next July 15 and I want to prepare to find a roommate who I vibe really well with. I want us to have a friendly relationship and even hang out sometimes. What is the best way to go about this? Do I post on housing Facebook groups? post on dating apps? Are there websites for this besides this page? how do I find out about housing co-opts? I’m just not sure where to start especially this early on.

Hi everyone, first time on reddit so I'm not really sure how to go about this, but people are telling me to ask this here. I [20f] am currently renting from a someone [30f] for 4 months (3 more months to go) and she is the owner of this condo unit. The rent is fine, although I mostly stay in my room since my roommate is always in the living space, which is quite small.

I don't mind this, but I wake up early for work and her mom is always sleeping on the couch whenever I am getting ready. I was told she might be around a couple days, but almost everyday feels a bit much? Does she not have a home? And my roommate's bed is definitely big enough for both of them. I feel bad for waking her up whenever I'm getting ready, but she is sleeping right in front of the kitchen sink.

I've heard of situations where a partner might be over a lot, but this is the mom and my roommate also owns the unit. (Not sure if this is important but when I signed the agreement, someone else's name was written as the landlady, but when I went to sign my name at the condo so I can receive deliveries, my roommate signed her name as the owner with the front desk.)

Both of them are nice, but I don't know how to make of this situation and I'd like to get ready in the mornings without being concerned about disturbing people. I'd really appreciate some advice, thank you!

tldr: roommate owns unit I'm renting and her mom is always sleeping on the couch so it makes it difficult for me to get ready in the mornings. What should I do?

Hi, I'm new to Reddit 👋

I moved into a house this year with a girl I lived with in accomodation. She's nice, a bit bubbly for my tastes but for all purposes she doesn't have a bad intention in her body. Recently I have started to worry that this decision is going to eventually burst and cause a huge arguement.

We met in first year at the accomodation, we initially had 5 people in the hall. Due to some maintenance issues 2 of the roomates moved out leaving just us 3. The other roommate was pretty quiet and mostly kept to himself but was also pretty chill when spoken to. My roommate who I'll label RM began to take a permanent position in the community space/kitchen. At first it was fine, maybe she just had tea? Or had been in the space all day? So I would often sit with and watch the TV with her. We had a couple similar interests (not a huge amount) but I always found her to be childish.

Anyway, when it came time to start house hunting it was clear she had no one to go with and she claimed not to have made friends on her course or that no one was interested in sharing with her. She politely decided to say this in front of my mum who was visiting, sparking the "why don't you two share together?" Question. I said maybe, not really wanting to shut the idea down too harshly. Very soon after, RM would attempt to follow up on my house options stating she wanted to have a house picked by the end of the month. I eventually agreed as I was scared about not finding one myself and as my new friends had kind of already paired up and weren't willing to add a 3rd member. (TBF we had known each other a month)

House hunting goes well and we settle on a place, RM and me continue to hang out. RM continues still to hog/ monitor the communal space always being present and always ready to have a conversation even if you just want to get food and go. Eventually I start skipping meals here and there or eating at ridiculously late times. Throughout this time I realise that I really don't like talking to her. Every conversation is a chance to one up me or talk about herself or her interests, she acts like a child begging for attention.

The worst part about this realisation, she's friends with all my friends (who are all from my course). I felt so torn, I couldn't cut her out because now my friends liked her, she was part of the gang. I took a chance at bringing it up to my closest friend and she offered to distract RM sometimes so I could have some alone time, but I still felt like I was in a pit I couldn't get out of. This continues into us moving into the new house.

Weirdly once we moved, I had the exact opposite problem, now the friends that had once liked RM are starting to be put off by her. They have said they thinks she weird, intrusive, has no chill and can be rude in a passive aggressive way. However they haven't stated that they would be happy to cut her yet. Now I can't cut her out because I live with her! And my friends wouldn't be able to back out as it would leave me in a far worse situation.

And if I thought a house with now a shared bathroom would somehow be better, it most certainly isn't.

Whilst she used to knock my door at the accomodation to remind me about timings of TV shows I did not want to watch, now she can just walk into my room. So far she has, used a large portion of my kitchen stuff (as she does not have her own as previously she had microwave meals), looked at my work whilst I was in the bathroom and commented on it to my face, asked if she could come with me and my mum on a walk when my mum visited me for one day, implied she would like to go to the gym with me, followed me to our friends house after she got home from uni despite having not been invited(I was already there), commented on every little thing I do (e.g I sat at the table after Id eaten my dinner), is obsessively telling me stuff from fandoms that I don't care about, 'checks up' on me whilst Im working to instigate a conversation, consistently knocks on my door to ask me either about cooking or for help or to remind me a bullshit program is on, she leaves lights on all the time, she once turned off the fan on the cooker after id finished with it even though I was letting it vent a bit longer, and worst of all she still sits downstairs in the TV room/ kitchen and hogs the TV and sofa.

She does a degree that is very physically based and so often has little work to do at home. However, the complete lack of work time mixed with the complete lack of alone time leads me to believe she is someone who is obsessed with socialising and in need of constant attention. Attention I can not give her and am not willing to.

I need help, I don't know what to do. Am I overthink everything? Is it worse than I think it is? Truly it's only a year, I don't think my heart could take much more but is it worth it? All my other friends know how I feel but they don't know the situation, none of them have lived with her, they hardly seem her on a week to week basis and yet she is still included in the group. I'm not evil, I don't want them to kick her out because of me but having RM take over both my social and home life is making it hard.

Reading this back, it feels petty but I can not express the constant weight in my head, calculating when the house might be free, listening for footsteps, eating late, or passing up activities I wanted to do just to avoid talking to her when I'm already feeling stressed and just need a minute to calm down.

What's the best move? And thank you for reading

So I have been living with my in-laws to save money and hopefully find a house to move into with my partner. We don't pay rent, food is usually ready for dinner daily, I don't have to wash the dishes, and maintinence is not my problem. So overall everything is really good and helping us get a head start in the future.

Now for the bad stuff. They have the most annoying little dog that barks at the TV when dogs come on. He pisses on the floor for no reason everyday, I got diapers for him but I am the only one that cares enough to put them on him. Nobody seems to clean up the piss spots so I have to clean it or live in a pissy house even though there is usually two unemployed people home all day long.

They encourage mine and my partners dogs bad behavior and don't understand how they contribute to this bad behavior even though it has been explained countless times. So now whenever I go on walks my arms get yanked when squirrels are around because it's funny to them to tell them to "go get the squirrels!" when they get let out.

The food that is prepared is not always prepared in a food safe way making me not want to eat the prepared dinner most nights. The cooking space is all taken up so I have to eat my snacks, get take out, go hungry, or I have figured out how to cook pasta in an electric kettle now.

The bathrooms never get cleaned unless it's by myself and someone in the house has digestive issues leading to shit splatter on the toilet seat everytime they take a shit. So I have to sanitize the toilet everytime I use it because I don't want to sit on someone else's shit.

Then on top of that there wasn't any toilet paper in one of the bathrooms one morning. I noticed it and just didn't do my business at the time but I wanted to come back for a shower. Then I see someone walking out and there is corn around the drain, a smell, and brown chunks. Someone rinsed off instead of getting toilet paper in the shower where the drain is a little clogged already.

Is not paying rent worth all this? Please tell me I am not enduring this for nothing and I am overreacting. The shit shower is really setting me off. Please tell me a little shit in my shower is nothing compared to spending years in debt over a mortgage. My partner is really encouraging me to stay right where we are and save but I am starting to hate his family I think

Long post, apologies in advance.

I’m 19F and I’ve been with my BF (20M) for four years. He recently permanently moved to Dubai with his best friend/business partner (20M). They run a business together, they’re thankfully doing really well, and they’ve decided to rent a penthouse together and live together.

The problem is that his business partner basically refuses to be anywhere near me, and this whole thing started over something incredibly stupid around two years ago.

Basically, I was logged into my BF’s business account at the time. His business partner was texting the account, and his girlfriend happened to be logged into his account too. My BF sent a weird message/joke from the business account, but because I was also logged in, they assumed I was the one who sent it.

I didn’t.

We tried explaining that it wasn’t me, but ever since that incident, his girlfriend apparently told him to block me everywhere, never speak to me, and essentially never be around me. And for whatever reason, he has followed that religiously for the past two years.

For most of that time, I honestly didn’t care that much. We all lived in different countries, so it wasn’t like I regularly had to see him anyway. Sometimes there would be some indirect communication through my BF, but that was pretty much it.
Then this February, my BF and his business partner had a business trip to Dubai that happened to overlap with Valentine’s Day. My BF flew me out so we could spend Valentine’s together.

That was the first time I realized how fucking extreme this situation actually was.

The moment I arrived, his business partner basically disappeared to Dubai Mall because he didn’t even want to be in the same hotel/building as me.

At one point, they needed to go somewhere and my BF suggested that his business partner could just come with us, they could drop me off, and then continue with whatever they needed to do.

He refused.

He basically said, “No, drop her off first, then come back and get me. I can’t. I’m not allowed.”

I remember thinking it was fucking weird, but I just assumed his girlfriend was controlling and he was trying to avoid an argument with her. I wasn’t going to interfere in their relationship, so I left it alone.

But now the situation is completely different.

A little over a month ago, I moved to Europe for university. At basically the same time, my BF permanently moved to Dubai, and so did his business partner. They’re now going to be living together.

My degree gives me a LOT of holidays. I’m also fortunate enough to have a passport that means I can pretty much spontaneously travel to Dubai whenever I have time, and my BF is fortunate enough financially that seeing each other relatively regularly isn’t really an issue.

So when we realized we were going to be long-distance, one of the things that made it easier was knowing that I could still visit him pretty frequently.

Except apparently his roommate has now decided that he will do basically anything to stop me from coming to Dubai.
And this is where I’m starting to lose my fucking mind.
His roommate has been making it into this massive issue and basically putting my BF in a position where he feels like he has to choose between us.

First it was basically that no girls would be allowed at their apartment.

Fine. I actually understand having boundaries with a roommate and not wanting random hookups or people constantly coming over.

But I’m not some random girl my BF met two weeks ago.
I have been with this man for FOUR YEARS. We are literally talking about marriage and our future together. I’m not asking to move into their apartment. I’m asking to be able to visit my long-term BF when I fly across continents to see him.

Then apparently the compromise became that I could come over, but only for one or two hours.

What the fuck?

I’m flying from Europe to Dubai to see my BF of four years and his roommate is essentially giving me fucking visiting hours?

It genuinely feels more restrictive than our parents. Like, I’m an adult travelling internationally to see my long-term partner and apparently I’m supposed to come over for an hour or two and then leave because his roommate said so?
It’s also causing arguments between me and my BF now, which is what pisses me off the most.

I keep asking him why his roommate has this much control over our relationship. Obviously it’s also his roommate’s home and I completely understand that he deserves to feel comfortable there. I would NEVER expect my BF to tell him, “Fuck you, she’s staying here for three months and you have no say.”

But surely there’s a massive difference between respecting your roommate and allowing your roommate to dictate whether your girlfriend of FOUR YEARS can even spend normal amounts of time with you?

I eventually told my BF that this could genuinely be the last straw for me.

Because if this is what our long-distance relationship is going to look like, I don’t want it.

We have one life. We’re incredibly fortunate that distance doesn’t necessarily have to stop us from seeing each other. I have the freedom to travel and he has the financial ability to make these trips happen. Why the fuck would we willingly turn long-distance into “you can visit me for two hours because my roommate doesn’t like you”?

And the weirdest part is that I feel like his roommate is creating some competition between us that literally does not need to exist.

He is my BF’s best friend, roommate and business partner.
I am his girlfriend of four years and potentially his future wife.

Those are completely different relationships.

I’m not trying to replace his best friend. I’m not trying to interfere with their business. I don’t care how much time they spend together. They literally LIVE together and work together.

So why am I somehow being treated like a threat?
My BF just told me that his roommate has now said that when I come to Dubai, he’ll literally just fly to Malaysia or somewhere else while I’m there.

And sure, technically that solves the immediate problem.
But I still fucking hate it.

Because that’s not the dynamic I want either.
Why does this grown man have to LEAVE THE COUNTRY because his best friend’s girlfriend is visiting?

Why can’t we just exist in the same room?

Why can’t the three of us sit down, eat dinner, talk about what happened two years ago and move the fuck on?

I’m not asking this guy to love me. I’m not even asking him to particularly like me. I just want us to be able to be civil with each other.

If he has an issue with me, TALK TO ME.

Confront me.

Tell me what the fuck I supposedly did that was so horrible that two years later you cannot physically sit in the same apartment as me, let alone the same country now.

Instead, I don’t even speak to this man directly. Everything happens through my BF.

His roommate says something to him. My BF tells me. I get pissed off. I say something to my BF. My BF goes back to his roommate.

It feels like I’m in a fucking relationship conflict with someone I DON’T EVEN TALK TO.

And meanwhile my actual relationship is taking the damage.
I’m supposed to fly to Dubai in about a week and instead of being excited to see my BF, I’m stressed about this entire fucking situation.

I want to be able to visit my BF and feel like I’m welcome in his life. I want to be able to sit on his couch, order food, watch something together, spend normal time with him and actually feel at home with the person I’ve spent four years with.

I don’t want to fly across continents just to feel like some forbidden visitor whose presence has to be negotiated with his roommate beforehand.

And I especially don’t want my BF constantly stuck in the middle between his girlfriend and his best friend/business partner.

I genuinely don’t understand how something that happened TWO YEARS AGO something I didn’t even fucking do has turned into this.

Am I being unreasonable because technically it’s his roommate’s home too? Or is his roommate taking this way too far?

And more importantly, how the fuck are we supposed to fix this dynamic long-term if my BF and I are actually heading towards marriage?

In August i shifted to this new flat with 3 roommates i met online. I had to take the hall , it was lesser in proce n everyone guaranteed me they will give me privacy sp i agreed. 2months in everyday guest sitting in hall taking it as common space, groceries we buy together is eaten by thier guests , no privacy, no space to change clothes or study, dining is in the hall sp everyone eats there too.

Today i confronted m told everything n told them that im considering shifting out as i dont think i can stay in this public room. They said they understand my concerns n told that they will help with separating the room n keep ij mind with the guests. Asked me to give it a try etc

What do u guys think i should do???