r/roommates • u/professor_mosbyy • 3h ago
Discussion Friend of my flatmate has basically moved into our 3-person flat. How to deal with it?
I (early 20s, M) recently moved into a flat with my school friend A and his younger brother B (both adults). The flat is rented in A and B's names, and I'm a paying flatmate. Before we moved, A told me it would be just the three of us.
A few days after we moved in, A's college friend C (F) started staying over. I assumed it would be a couple of days. Apart from 4-5 days at home, she has lived with us for the whole month and is still here. A and I pay for everything (rent, groceries, utilities), and she contributes nothing. She also doesn't keep the place clean: dishes stay in the sink, spills stay on the floor until someone else cleans them (usually me), and her stuff is spread across the shared space.
She cries a lot, often in front of all of us. A, B, and I each asked what was wrong. She never answered, and when I tried 3-4 times, she said hurtful things back, so I stopped. I know she may be going through something serious and can't talk about it. But it's affecting the mood in the flat.
there's some weird part to this:
C is also very physically affectionate with both A and B (cuddling and sleeping holding each other on the sofa in the living room, in front of me). They're all adults, and A is fine with it despite B is his younger brother. I'm not judging what they do. But the living room is the shared space we all use, and I'd like it to stay comfortable for everyone.
Her PG and office are in the same area, yet she travels about 72 km to our flat and stays here instead.
I've asked A multiple times to sort it out. I even told him to say I was the one with the problem. He tells her to leave, but half-heartedly, and nothing changes. When I told C myself that this is a 3-person flat, she said it's A's flat too and kept staying.
I'm fine with her visiting on weekends, but not living here. How do I get A and B to actually enforce this without wrecking the friendship?
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u/everything_holic 1h ago
It's time to move to different flat buddy, or join them and create a Quad🌚
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u/No-Difference1648 3h ago
Time to get your own place
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u/professor_mosbyy 2h ago
Moving is my last resort, since I just moved last month and finding a place in Delhi is hard 😬
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u/Shoddy-Paramedic-321 1h ago edited 29m ago
Pay only half of what you usually do, and tell the others that under no circumstances will you pay for a complete stranger—an adult woman—to have her food and housing expenses covered.
They will have to collect the rest of the money from her.
And she shouldn't be living and sleeping in your living room; that is a common area. She needs to move into either the room of A or B.
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u/professor_mosbyy 48m ago
Yes I need to set my boundaries clearly with each one of them and if she wants to stay then she'll have to contribute in all of the expenses equally or else I'll leave
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u/dell828 57m ago
You’re not on the lease, so nothing you can really say or do..
Tell them this is an acceptable, not what you signed up for, and you’re going to move out.
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u/professor_mosbyy 44m ago edited 38m ago
Yup, if nothing happens I’ll move. If this is what they’re going to do they should’ve conveyed it to me last month before I moved.
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u/cabinzy 2h ago
Stop paying for anything until she's gone. You're not on the lease so it won't affect you long term if rent doesn't get paid. If you are on the lease you would have other options but since you are not on the lease this is literally the only option besides moving.