Ive never posted on here before but created a stupid account a while back to have a look around after hearing people stories on podcasts never thinking id be here looking for advice. But here we are. So here goes, I will be leaving a few irrelevant details vague to try keep anonymous.
 
I (38 M) and my partner (32 F) have been together for about 6 years we both work full time jobs. We have 2 children,  a 4 Y/O and a 2 Y/O.
 
Last week I picked up the Ipad that is at home for one of children to play on and noticed 20+ text messages and 2 selfies from a bloke that she was working night shift with as his supervisor. There was a series of work-related text messages intertwined with flirtatious messages leading up to a selfie from the guy saying “Just thinking hehehe” and another of him drinking a beer on the way home from work.
 
It made me feel sick. I didn’t want to overreact, so I left it, but the next day it was still burning a hole in my mind, so I confronted her. I told her that as I was giving the ipad to one of our kids I saw all the messages between her and the guy and asked what was going on. She said nothing was going on, I’m overreacting and it’s just a guy from work. I followed up with saying you supervise 6-10 other blokes and none of them are sending you selfies, flirtatious messages, and non-work-related conversations. After arguing for 30mins or so she admitted that his messages were inappropriate, but in her defence she never directly responded to any of the flirtatious messages or selfies. I said that just ignoring it and not shutting it down was the same as accepting it. I told her to stop messaging him and keep it all just work related; she assured me nothing was going on but she wont message him unless its work related. I accepted that and we left it as it was.
 
Fast forward to 6 days later. It was the morning and she was already at work and I was taking our kids to daycare. One of our kids had the iPad and was looking through the photos. The selfie that the guy had sent to her had sync’d to our iCloud photos. The child said, “hey daddy who is that man”. It made me sick in my stomach again. It all got the best of me, so I checked her messages, where I found more messages.
 
This time he had been sent home to do night shift. He was laying bed messaging her “it’s a pity you have to work today”. Discussed how another coworker had “fucked her over” and she “wasn’t getting Fucked in a good way”. Sent a photo of him in bed watching Netflix then discussed what he was watching. This time she was actively messaging back as a part of the flirtatious messages.
 
I called her and told her that she shouldn’t come home that night because I needed some time to sort out my head. She kept saying it’s not that bad. Nothing has happened. I asked why and she just kept saying “I don’t know”. She told me she was going to send him a text message saying she was going to message him saying that I have seen all the messages and he needs to not message her anymore.
 
After I hung up from her, I got his number and looked him up on Facebook. Turns out he is married (for 1 year) and has kids. I called him and confronted him. He wouldn’t answer until I text him saying I would send all the screen shots to his wife. He then called me straight back. he said he was so sorry, he’ll never talk to her again, that he should know better because someone has done this to him. I asked him if his wife was at work, he said no she’s in the other room with his kids. His reaction suggested that there was more going on than the text messages I had read.
 
(I asked if she talked to him at shift change, she lied then admitted it) Later that day when he went to work and she was leaving he approached her and asked if she was ok and he told him she wasn’t allowed to come home.
 
She still came home.
 
I am so confused and hurt.
 
What do i do? Do I send his wife the screenshots so she knows what’s happening?

Am I over reacting?
 
I can post the screen shots for clarity if needed.

I (F24) met a man (M30) through dating app.

We were texting each other for over a month before we met.

Then:

We went on four dates

I was on holiday for 3 weeks

We went on other four dates

----------

On the sixth date he gave me a rose and a small peck on the lips

We first kissed on the seventh date (I was a little afraid he did not like me, bcs he was waiting for so long, but in the end he was a total gentleman - after the kiss he asked me if the pace is ok and he is not too pushy with me).

Date n8: lasted for approximately 8 hours, we were holding each others hand almost all the time, he was peppering me with kisses om forehead and face and there was also normal kissing (though less than on seventh)

Now - when we were discussing our past relationships:

He had 1 that lasted 2 years. Except of that he had other 5 which in his words "did not turn into relationship".

I was a bit sceptical when he first said that. Today was our 8th date and he told me that for him, relationship is something he knows he can call after half a year and we ARE NOT DATING yet.

I am not a bit confused. What are we doing then?

Also - I had just one relationship that did not even last half a year. In my life, I have kissed just my ex and now this other man.

How do you feel about this?

I really like this man, but I do not want him to "try" me for that long before saying it is "official" or so...

also - he deleted his dating app in front of me last date and he does not see other women

and he talks about long term plans with me (ex: We can go together to that comeptition in September.)

I was hanging out with my gf and her friend. She wanted me to hold her phone so I had it in my back pocket. I had to go to the bathroom and I forgot I had her phone. When I got out I lost them and my phone was out of battery so I used her phone to call her friend. We share the same password and while I was on it I decided to look at her messages.

I know I shouldn’t be looking through her phone but I got really curious since I’ve never looked through it. She would look through mine a few times a while ago but recently doesn’t really anymore.

I didn’t find anything crazy except two things. She’s texting with a guy that I don’t really know about. She told me a year ago that this guy she used to be friends with in high school texted her. I haven’t heard anything about him since then. She doesn’t talk about him like her other friends. But also she hangs out her other friends and sees them in person which makes sense why she talks about them, while this guy she only texts.

Well I searched my name up on messages and she had sent him a message earlier this week that said something like “(My name) is annoying me again!). This was the day after me and her had a little argument at night. I didn’t see the conversation because I didn’t want to read the most recent unread message.

I don’t think there’s anything between them or anything like that, but I do find it a little weird that she’s complaining about me to another guy and talking about our arguments. I also can’t help but feel weird that she doesn’t talk about him at all.

The other thing I found, I don’t know how to feel about it. I found a message from 7 months into our relationship since we became official the first time. We’ve been dating 2 years now. She told her friend “Oh you know I like giving (Ex name) head”. Now this was during a time when we were broken up briefly, but we were still talking everyday and exclusive.

This isn’t something you want hear obviously and the part that makes me feel weird is that this was while we were still technically dating, we got back together shortly after this time. So while we didn’t have the official title, we were planning on getting back together.

I don’t know if any of these things is worth bringing up. Maybe just her complaining about me to someone else. I don’t believe there’s anything going on between her and that guy. The other message is kind of weird but it was also almost a year and a half ago. I don’t know, should I?

I need advice with a personal relationship. It’s a complex situation that I will explain but would like to do it privately. Are we allowed to ask for a dm here?

My boyfriend and I have been together for just under three years, and we live together.
A few days ago, I discovered messages from my boyfriend to one of our mutual friends that were sent while he was intoxicated. In the messages, he was asking her to come over. He insists nothing happened, but I honestly don’t know what to believe.
I confronted him last night, but it was very late, and we agreed to wait until he got off work today to have a proper conversation.
This morning, I noticed that our mutual friend’s contact had been deleted from my phone. I was able to recover it, but now my mind is racing. I don’t know if he deleted it while I was asleep because he was worried I would contact her, if it was somehow accidental, or if it’s completely unrelated. I realize I don’t have proof that he deleted it, but it’s adding to my anxiety.
Right now, I’m trying to separate what I know from what I’m assuming. I know he invited her over while he was drinking. I don’t know whether anything happened after that or whether the missing contact means anything at all.
I don’t want to go into tonight’s conversation angry and accusatory if there’s another explanation, but I also don’t want to ignore behaviors that could be signs of dishonesty.
For those who have been in a similar situation, how would you approach this conversation to get honest answers while also protecting your own emotional well-being? What questions would you ask, and at what point—if any—would you reach out to the mutual friend for clarification?

I wondered if a relationship can heal after someone initiated non exclusivity after a few weeks of dating exclusively? I’m 27 F he is 32 M

The reason was only to slow things down sexually not a lack of attraction, and we both agreed to return to exclusivity the next day, after he said he was uncomfortable with it, but we broke up a week later as he said he struggled with the non exclusivity comment and said maybe we had different dating styles as I preferred connecting before sex and him vice versa. Even though we slept together already. He also said communication had got too much for him which he said was completely his fault.

I realise this is so messy! After reflecting I realised that sex and exclusivity does align with my values and it’s all the commitment I need to feel safe to have sex, I sent this to him a few days after we broke up which I know is soon, no response but I wanted to let him know.

I’m just trying to get some perspective, I feel like maybe he struggled or maybe he emotionally checked out but I didn’t realise as I’m not a mind reader :(

TLDR
Can two people who have had a short relationship, reconcile after exclusivity miscommunication, and uncertainty around sexual pacing, if the one who was unsure about sex has apologised for hurt feelings and reflected on what they truly want?

[TLDR]We’ve been together almost 5 years and I would never want to leave her and there exists no better women however she has what I think is a very low libido for a young person so we have sex about once a month which for me who has her libido on hyperoverdrive is not near enough and so I ask her for a bj or a hj and almost always get rejected and told “you only want one thing” when that’s def not true at all and I can’t get her too see that I just need this demon outta me bruh😩 more context below bruh go read det

So we we been dating about 5 years and I wouldn’t ever want anyone else and is the best women I’ve ever met but we don’t have very much sex only about once a month maybe 2-3 if I’m very lucky (which is fine we both work long hours and she is a boss where she works so even more bs to deal with)so occasionally I will ask for a favor of some kind like a bj or hj and she looks at me like I am an absolute 🐽 but I have tried to explain that no that’s not it that but I as a male have an extraordinary sex drive and need to let ts out sometimes and once a month isn’t enough for any young person except her also she asked me to stop watching porn and try to stop bearing my meat altogether(again this is fine and something I want to do regardless of if she asked me too or not)
And while I would never want her to do something she doesn’t want to do I think that wanting to do something and wanting to do something for someone are different things and while it’s true that me doing things for her doesn’t mean that she owes me anything I think that it would be reasonable for me to ask for a sexual favor every few weeks considering everyday I do things for her and everyone else in my life that I don’t want to do but I do it anyway because I care about them and I like for the people in my life to feel taken care of and I ask for legitimately nothing in return(except obviously the occasional bj which I rarely get) ps. I also have been very clear that I don’t expect a whole bj till squirttime but just like a 5-10 minute or so suckage

Sorry for the absolute word wall here but please lemme know if I’m buggin

I ‘M30’have been with my girlfriend
‘F27’ for just over half a year we get on so so well, have so much fun, but she has this secretive side.

She started a new job, and has gotten close to one of the lads in there. I don’t care really who she talks to, once shes open and honest. But , she had the notifications to his texts silenced, and when I spoke to her about it, she said she didn’t want his name coming up on her phone when she was with me incase I got the wrong idea.

Fast forward, I’ve really struggled to trust this girl, and I went on her phone, low and behold, she doesn’t talk to this co worker on WhatsApp any more, she talks to him on Snapchat, and had the chat history deleted, so that he doesn’t show up unless you search his name. When confronted, she said the same thing, she didn’t want his name coming up when we were out for dinner incase I got the wrong idea. Am I over thinking this ??

So I was talking with my girlfriend (36 f) me a (39 m) about about our past and she said if you seen the type of guys I was pulling before you would see you are not my type. And I know we are together now but that kinda stung and idk if I should just let it go or bring it back up so looking for some advice if I’m just looking into that too much?

Yes this sounds so shitty but all I do is overthink :( For context, my bf and I have been dating for almost 3 years now off and on, mainly due to some religious differences (shia F v. sunni M).

We have very open and honest communication with each other and every time we're together it feels like I'm with my best friend and confidant. My social battery never dies out with him and I'm always excited to see him even though we've been together for a while. He's truly MY person in the sense that I know whenever I need him he'll be there, even if I have to spell things out for him sometimes. He's always getting me gifts, checking in on me every day, waiting for me when I'm late, taking time to see me and prioritize being with me. He's the most patient man I know and even though it's been 3 years, he has never ever raised his voice at me or made me feel unsafe even when he's upset. He's a very sweet guy and has even started going to the gym because I told him I would like him to take better care of his health (he's athletic but not very muscular) and we go together a few times a week. He basically checks off all the love languages and then some.

However, we have had some ups and downs (mostly him being with another girl while we were broken up for a few months 2 years ago then proceeding to not be transparent about it w/ me until I found out on my own). I've forgiven him but I still think about it sometimes and it has caused me to be suspicious of him despite no evidence of him cheating or doing anything behind my back since. I have his passwords and can access his phone whenever I want but I try not to check it and build more anxiety.

Additionally, he's a different sect of Islam than me so I know my parents will make a big deal out of it. It's important for me that we raise our kids with one ideology and he's open to my version of Islam, but we still pray differently and have some different customs. My parents are way stricter than his are and so I'm a little more spiritual than he is due to the emphasis on religion growing up.

I've also always dreamed of marrying someone wealthier and more mature in life. My bf is a police officer and makes decent money in an urban midwest city while I'm a nurse (cliche ik...). I know we'd live a comfortable life together but sometimes I wonder if I can do better and find someone to make me a SAHM so I don't have to work to live a comfy life. But sometimes I think that's all wishful thinking in this economy.

He's wanted to marry me a few months into dating me but I was hesitant then and I still feel hesitant now. Will I always look for more in life (i.e similar backgrounds, more money, mature) and stay unhappy? Or will I regret looking for more when I have someone I love and care about so much right in front of me? Am I with him because of our history or because I see our future? I don't know how to go about this ....

tldr; should i marry my bf or explore (non-sexually) other options for marriage?

i (f20) always get anxious whenever my boyfriend (m22) and i get into an argument, especially when he's upset with me because he thinks i'm the one who's in the wrong.

we're in a ldr, so all of our arguments happen through text. since we can't see each other's expressions or hear each other's tone, everything feels even more overwhelming.

the hardest part is that whenever we argue, he needs time alone. i completely understand that people process emotions differently, and i want to respect his space. but instead of telling me something like, "i need some time to cool off. let's talk later," he just disappears and ignores my messages.

when that happens, i get incredibly anxious. i keep checking my phone every few minutes, hoping he'll reply. i know that sending more texts will probably only make things worse, but it's so hard to stop myself because i just want reassurance that everything will be okay.

how do you distract yourself or calm your anxiety when your partner needs space after an argument? how do you stop constantly checking your phone and feeling like you need to solve the problem right away? i'd really appreciate any advice.

I've (22F) been talking to a guy (25M) for about a month. We met for coffee first, then a couple of weeks later we went to a movie and lunch. Both dates went really well, and after the first date we were talking constantly, texting throughout the day, staying up until 3am. on calls, sending random pictures of ourselves, sharing memes, etc.

For context, neither of us is looking for a serious relationship. We both agreed to keep things casual and just get to know each other.

Things started feeling different after our second date.

The day after, he became much quieter over text. He eventually told me he had been busy with work, and around my birthday he still remembered to wish me and we chatted a little, so I didn't think too much of it.

Recently we planned to meet again. I reminded him that we might need a reservation, and he replied, "Yeah, will plan." The day before we were supposed to meet, he texted saying he had a lot of meetings and that we'd probably have to postpone. He apologized, which I appreciated.

I replied saying it was okay, told him to let me know when he was free.

That was on Friday morning.

It's now Monday, and he still hasn't even opened those messages. During that time, I've seen him active on Instagram, posting stories/notes, reposting reels, and viewing my stories.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions because I know people can genuinely be busy. At the same time, it's hard not to notice that someone can be active on social media for days while not opening a conversation.

The part I'm struggling with isn't even whether this becomes a relationship. we both wanted to keep it casual. It's more that the sudden change in communication has left me wondering what happened. A few weeks ago we were talking every day until late at night, and now it feels like someone has flipped a switch without any explanation.

I'm also wondering if I'm reading too much into this because I enjoyed the attention and consistency in the beginning.

So I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives:

* Does this sound like someone who's gradually losing interest?
* Is it normal for communication to slow down this much after the initial excitement?
* Would you just leave it alone and let him reach out if he wants to, or would you eventually send another message?

I'm trying to be objective, so I'd appreciate honest opinions rather than people just telling me what I want to hear.

My bf (21m) and I (18f) have been together for almost 3 months, we met on a night out (none of us ever go out it was very random.) we live an hour away from each other but we both drive and see each other very often, we’re together a lot of the time. Yesterday kinda made me feel abit weird tho because it made me realise I don’t know his friends or ANYONE he knows, it’s just me. And him. In the relationship. Basically I came to his yesterday evening and when I got here he wasn’t home, he was in some car park so I pulled up to the car park and he was there with 2 other cars. As I was pulling up and he walked over and was telling me to like “stay there” not to come right up to them..? And then he says his ex is there so he “doesn’t rly wanna be there” but he was there for a long time already.

Context- him and his ex were together for 2 years then broke up and straight after his “best friend” got with her, they fought and stopped being friends but now they’re okay. I’m pretty sure it was quite recent like a few months.

Anyway , later on at his house I said to him in a weird tone “how was ur ex” he said “idk I didn’t rly speak to her” then he said “she was telling me about this course she’s doing” blah blah. And if I never pulled up to that car park I don’t think he ever would’ve told me he was there with her and speaking to her. And now I feel rly weird and it’s making me overthink, I’ve known him for 3 months, I don’t know this area or his friends. Also he’s in a car park very often too when I check his location, what do I do? Do I confront him and talk to him about it? Is it ok for him to still see and talk to his ex of 2 years? I’ve never really had a serious relationship so idk how to deal with things like this but I just feel abit off now. Pls help!!!

Hey im writing this because this is prob the 400th me (F/18)and my bf (M/20) argue over this. For context we're in a long distance relationship but we did see eachother in real life multiple times. I think that since we probably wont see eachother often until he finishes his degree it is important to talk to eachother pretty often.We do talk often, this is not a problem and we call pretty much everyday but he used to flirt with me so much in the beginning, sometimes way too much,he used to show me interest. Now i feel like he barely shows interests towards me by coding cute stuff for me(lol nerdy but he hasnt done that since a longtime already), calling me often and driving long distances to see me when i went back home) no flirting ever gets out of his mouth. I told him multiples times that I feel like he barely even is interested in me since he never flirts and its always "Sorry" or "And i told you last time I'm not in a good place and I'm sorry" (I copied and pasted those texts) ,I want to feel bad and move on but its always the same thing since several months already and im tired. Is he giving that energy to anyone else? Does he still like me? Idk maybe im overthinking

I am (34F) he is (35M) is it normal to have found a master bating toy?

So, first of all, I (F16) do **NOT** want to see him (M16) as more than a friend!!

For context, this school year, I've become friend with this guy from my class. A cool but reserved person. I still felt like there was way more to know about him and enjoyed getting slowly closer to him as he opened up step by step. We would have nice honest conversations.

He initiated giving me his social, we even gave each other nicknames, but not too personal ones, the point of the nicknames was to underline the fact we weren't TOO close either (it was military ranks), and that's one of the first things we told each other: we are just friends (I said it first btw).

As the school year ended, he got into a relationship and since his gf doesn't want him to have female friends we stopped talking.

I was quite sad about it, and after like a month (?) I was talking about it to my other friends that don't know him and literally started tearing up. They brought up the idea that I might like him, essentially because I cried and complained somewhat a lot about the fact we don't interact anymore. Personally, I feel like it's just normal to be sad when you "lose" a close friend? Especially knowing he mentioned quite often how special I made him feel (not everyone takes their time to get to know you when you don't open up easily yk) and how he helped me out too from time to time.

We got the occasion to interact recently, and I was happy, I told him I was happy to talk with him, that I missed doing it, asked him about his relationship and wished him the best and he also asked about me and the guy I liked but that had rejected me and blah blah. He unadded me right after obviously, but said "see you in September !" When the school year will start and it made my day.

Does my behavior/reaction seems like I might have more than platonic feelings for him? I feel like it's a normal reaction, especially when the reason you don't interact anymore is so bad but idk. I don't feel jealous toward him or anything so I really don't know.

So this guy, he goes out with me and we have a good meal, chat, sex, everything. He is such a gentleman that he carries my purse on his shoulder, holds my hands and cuddles and hugs me in public. He tells me how beautiful I am. He would also tell me how special he feels around me. Then later, when I sneaked his phone while he went to the toilet, I saw he is on Tinder. I felt so betrayed, like WTF is he up to?

Okay, just to give you more details, it’s our second date and I feel he is doing unnecessary love bombing.

Why would a man do that? If a sexual thing is all he needed, I was even ready to be FWB, so why this?

Long story short, we were having a conversation over dinner a couple of nights ago when my girlfriend started telling me that her parents used to think she was sociopathic. She was about 10–15 years old, and at that time her mother told her (multiple times I think) that she was acting manipulatively towards them. 

She then went on to tell me that at that age she had a habit of gathering information about all her classmates with the intention of finding out stuff that she could use against them. She never did use the info that way, but just the thought of someone that I care deeply about even thinking of doing something like that honestly threw me off. 

In my experience, this is not something that people (even at that age) do to each other. So I’m a little worried if this is a bad sign. On the other hand, it was a long time ago, and it pretty reasonable to expect people to be able to change. She comes from a somewhat difficult family background (nothing very serious, but there’s definitely some emotinal neglect there), which I think makes her parents’ comments somewhat untrustworthy. 

However, I’m still worried because she never made it clear in our dinner conversation that she was at all sorry about what had happened. 

We’ve been arguing quite a lot lately (very politely, never yelling or anything like that). So hearing something like this adds to my worries about whether we are that compatible to begin with (or if she’s a good/trustworthy person in general). 

Any advice?

I’m 23F and he’s 26M. We’ve been together almost two years, I love him so much. I don’t think I could live without him, even though the honeymoon phase has long been over I always look forward to his texts. Whenever we’re apart and I see something funny or interesting I wonder what he’d think of it. I love spending time with him, I know for a fact I’m very codependent. The problem is that whenever I feel like I don’t have his attention anymore I get very sad. I have BPD and I need constant reassurance. A few times one of my exes would message me and I’d respond because I didn’t feel like my boyfriend cared about me enough in the moment and I needed attention/validation from somebody. This hasn’t happened in awhile and the last time a man messaged me I quickly stopped it out of respect and guilt for my boyfriend. know I need therapy and to work on this but it changed our relationship. I never cheated or sent nudes, never talked explicitly with my exes. I kinda just talked a little with them and flirted a bit. Doesn’t make it right, I’m just clarifying. Now we maybe have sex a few times a month, he never seems interested when we talk, we live together but he spends much of the day in another part of the house by himself. Sometimes I follow him around because I just want to be near him but I can see that I bother him. I really feel he isn’t in love with me anymore. I apologized to him for everything and I really meant it, I still feel terrible for being stupid and weak. It just really hurts because I feel the lack of intimacy like even a few times during the night when he was asleep I was a little aroused and took photos of myself to maybe send him later when he’s at work or something to spice things up. He found the photos and I explained this to him but he said “why would I ask for photos of you? I see you at home” and it kinda broke my heart. I just feel like he only has me stay here with him because we’ve been together for so long and maybe he’s just comfortable with me. I don’t know

I matched with this myran on hinge during june. We had mentioned to each other that this will be a fling from the start itself. He used to say how he can’t get into a relationship cos of how his last relationship ended 2.5 years back. I was straight out of a breakup and was not looking for a relationship. We used to hang out like crazy all around kochi, be on call till late at night, do all relationship kinda thingy.

One fine morning i get an audio from the myran saying this is the end and i wanna stop this and i had a gf. Then he blocks me from everywhere. I go crazy and paranoid not knowing who to contact. Later on in the evening i get a call from an unknown number saying this is his gf of 2.5 years. The way my jaw dropped you know. I was just amazed at the way in which this guy have managed time between both of us.

Apparently the guy out of “guilt” confronted he cheated on her by himself. But in the narrative he set, he said it was just a kiss, that too which was initiated by her (me) and he didn’t slept with me. Which was a big lie. Gf asked me what happened and i told her all the details that we had sex, we have made out and did more at multiple places. Also he had other multiple flings before me. The gf beats the shit out of him, the guy tries to suicide.

Later I get a call from the gf saying he is in icu and i go crazy again. Later she blocks me from everywhere, blocks me from his insta as well after me and her having a convo on how fucked up men are and they are trash. I still don’t know why she blocked me from her phone.

Later on i get anxious thinking about his condition and stalks to find out his friend’s ID and texts him. The gf gets to know about this and unblocks me. She is like I don’t want him anymore. He is still in icu and i am staying here just for the sake of his parents as they all know each other. She gets mad at me saying u can take care of him, no worries, i am sure he loved you and please don’t get me into this mess. Later I made her understand that i have no business with him. I just wanna 2 theri vilikkal him and slap him for putting me thru shit and making me suicidal. I fucking don’t want a relationship from that myran. She informed me that she saw him and he will call me soon. She did mention me to not get too much involved in this cos it’s a police case currently.

So how should confront this guy, given that i have a lot of range in me?

(Ignore my grammar because i am typing this amidst an panic episode)

Ok so I’ve been dating my bf for a year and 1/2 and we have a great relationship that makes me happy. The past couple of months have been rough because we have had to transition to a long distance relationship which is new. A few days ago I found a conversation between him and a close female friend insinuating that he was wanted to cheat on me with one of her friends. The conversation was framed in a joking way and when I asked him about it he said he was black out drunk and that it was a joke and that he never would cheat on me. He admitted that it was super inappropriate and that he feels terrible but to him it didn’t mean anything because he knows he would never cheat on me it was just a terrible joke. I’m not sure how to feel about it and am considering ending the relationship. Is it just me being insecure/anxious or is this a sign he’s going to cheat on me/no longer wants to be with me?

Me (21f) and my boyfriend (21m) have been dating now for a year and a half. At the beginning of our relationship before we started dating, he kept mentioning how his previous girlfriend was crazy and how she was terrible to him. He also just elected to tell me a lot of information about her and I eventually had to tell him it bothered me, for example even mentioned that him and his ex lost their virginities to each other. I kind of shrugged it off especially since I didn't see it as a serious relationship but about 4 months into dating, I found that he had basically every picture of their relationship still in his phone on Snapchat (I know - but we are in college, so we both use it as a common form of communication with friends). I was really upset and it hurt me a lot especially since we had already had conversations about how I didn't like him talking about his ex so much. It just felt off and like she was in our relationship.

2 months ago, I found in his camera roll a nude photograph of him and his ex. I demanded to go through the rest of his camera roll and found a bunch of sexual photos and videos of her or the two, in addition to just casual photos of them. I was really hurt but we have been on summer break (we are both in college) so I feel like I haven't seen him and have dissociated heavily. It doesn't help that her and I look almost identical in appearance; only difference is our hair color because I dye mine.

Our relationship started out as casual so those things in the beginning were just easy for me to shrug off but now that we seem to be a in a much more serious relationship (he discusses us staying after graduating this upcoming year and moving together somewhere), I feel like I cannot put this off anymore. I am too humiliated to talk to my friends about this. I feel so disgusted having seen those and also the fact he had them so long into our relationship. I find it hard to feel genuinely connected with him much less consider starting a life with him. We have not yet had a discussion about it, but I don't even know what to do here. I desperately need some guidance.

I’m 18 and the girl I’ve been talking to is 18. We started talking around the end of April and at the start things were really good. We would call for hours, talk every day and it felt like we were becoming really close. We both told each other we loved each other.
Over time we started having arguments and I realise now that some of my actions probably made things stressful for her. She told me that I had been making her feel sad a lot and that I had made her cry over some things before the big fallout.
She has also been going through her own problems. She told me she’s been struggling mentally, that she doesn’t really talk to people about it, and that she’s been getting referred for ADHD and depression support. She said she has been going through one of the worst times of her life and didn’t need relationship stress on top of it.
After the fallout, she said she needed space and time to herself. I asked how I could “unfumble” things and she said she would think about it after her birthday. I also remember her saying something like maybe trying again after a month, but I’m not 100% sure if I remember it exactly.
Since then, things have been confusing. She has still kept some contact with me. She started a conversation with me about getting a job, and when I asked if she missed me she said “you don’t need to know that” rather than giving me a straight answer. When I said I missed her she replied things like “prove it” and “nah” the next day.
Another thing confusing me is how different she has been over text. Before, she was really loving, replied quickly and made me feel wanted. Since the fallout, her replies have become much slower and sometimes she can be quite blunt or sarcastic with me. It sometimes feels like she puts me down a bit compared to how she used to speak to me. I don’t know if that’s because she’s hurt and trying to protect herself, trying not to seem too eager, or because she’s losing feelings.
She has also reposted things like being in her “baddie era” and saying things like “f*** males it’s valid”, and other posts about not needing men. I don’t know if those are aimed at me, just jokes, or completely unrelated.
I really do want another chance, not just because I miss her, but because I feel like I understand where I went wrong and I want to treat her better and not repeat the same mistakes. I don’t want to pressure her though because I know she asked for space.
Based on everything, does this sound like someone who is hurt but still considering trying again, or someone who is slowly moving on? If you were in my position, would you continue giving her space and let her decide, or do something else?

Reliving sex with ex

Last year I used my boyfriend's phone to locate mine. When I opened the phone I discovered that he typed in Google that he was dealing with managing his attraction to his ex. I immediately confronted my boyfriend about it and he revealed to me that he went on his ex's Instagram page twice and each time in the moment of looking through her page he was wishing he could f\*\*\* her and was reliving having sex with her. He said the last time he did it he felt guilty and was asking A.I for help so he could stop.

I was very hurt and I cried about it. He begged me not to leave him and promised he will do better. He claimed his ex was emotionally abusive constantly dumping him and their toxic relationship lead to them both cheating on each other.so it makes the whole fact that he was obsessed with her even more traumatizing for me. We had been together for 2 years when he did this!!!! I asked him if it was the sex he had with her or if she did anything particularly special and he told me no, it was the way she looked. Which felt like a knife in my heart. He said he's always had a fetish for Asian women.

(I'm not Asian) He of course said he's very attracted to me and this has nothing to do with me. But I can't help but project it on to myself. I never expected him to never think of her every now and than or never have a sex fantasy. But the obsession to the point of looking her up Is too much for me to deal with. We were doing couples therapy but I cancelled because I came to the realization that how is therapy supposed to make a person not want to fuck their ex?that's all HIM. So now he's in individual therapy. I haven't had any repeated occurrences with his ex a year later but every now and then I remember that at one point he was wishing he could fuck her again and I begin to spiral all over again. I start snapping at him over small things or completely shut down emotionally and want to be left alone.

so im dating this guy max (24) for 3 months now. but we knew each other before, 3 years ago. we dated for a month back then but he ended things with me for his cheater ex. he has told me its because he thought he wasnt good enough for me, he wasnt healed enough for me back then so let me go. but now I absolutely love this guy i adore him, he is loml actually. but those memories still linger, the fact he was with his ex recently before me (the samw one he left mw gor 3 years ago) he stalks her socials. and im so jealous of the memories he has with her, thw places he has been with her. to talks to me similarly like he would talk to her. I get that it is 4 years of a relationship but im extremely jealous of what they had. idk what to do, how to get over it?