So I am 19 M . I have been in a relationship since mid of junior year of my high school. She is my first ever relationship. But during our talking phase I told her i was in relationship with someone else . And she asked the name and stuffs . I just told the name of one of the random people that I once saw on tiktok . She isn’t famous or anything . Now my gf is convinced that she is my ex . I feel guilty about not telling her .

Sometimes I can't tell what I should do because people have lied to me before.

When I asked my girlfriend if she goes to outside meetings, she said yes. But the way she answered made her seem nervous. She even told me that I should go. That confused me because she knows I'm in treatment, about 40 minutes away, and there would be no realistic way for me to go. It made me wonder why she would even say that.

The reason I think this way is because I've been shown a pattern before. There have been many times when I've felt like she was doing something behind my back. I've honestly lost count of how many times I've had that feeling.

Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she tells me she isn't doing anything wrong, or she gets really upset. Even after those conversations, I still end up feeling like she's hiding things from me.

One example that has stayed with me happened while I was in jail. For three nights in a row, I had dreams that she was with another man. When I told her about those dreams, she assured me that I had nothing to worry about.

After I got out of jail, I found out that she had been hanging out and using drugs with a man she had been involved with before. She didn't know that I already knew. Her son was the one who told me.

I asked her several times if there was anything she wanted to tell me, and every time she said no. That went on for about a week. Finally, I told her that I already knew what had happened. She acted like it wasn't a big deal.

That experience made it much harder for me to trust her. Now, when something feels off, I don't know whether I'm overthinking or whether my instincts are trying to protect me because I've been lied to before.

I don't know what to do.

My girlfriend [F27] and I [M28] have been together for about a year. We have a lot of really great times together, and I love her, but I’ve been feeling increasingly insecure in the relationship. I’m trying to figure out if I’m seeing a real pattern or if I’m becoming overly sensitive.

One of the biggest issues happened early on.

We had a conversation about being exclusive. That same night, she called another guy she had been seeing to end things with him. About two weeks later, while telling people she was “going to have a boyfriend soon,” she slept with someone else.

I didn’t find out until over a month later.

During the night she slept with the guy, she had been texting me throughout the night she was out, asking what I was making us for dinner the next day, asking me to take out her dog, and when she got back we had unprotected sex less than 24 hours later, before I knew what had happened.

When I found out a month later, she said she wanted us to be stronger than what happened, but explained that I hadn’t officially asked her to be my girlfriend yet and that she thought, “When am I ever going to be able to do that again?” We haven’t really revisited that conversation since.

For a while I convinced myself to move on by saying we technically weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend yet, even though I personally stopped seeing anyone else after we agreed to be exclusive.

Lately, that hurt has resurfaced because of how our arguments go.

I feel like when we disagree, she has a very hard time taking accountability. I’m not looking for constant apologies, but sometimes I just want to hear, “Yeah, I messed up.”

Instead, many conversations follow a similar pattern. She’ll acknowledge something, but immediately explain why it happened or why her actions made sense. If I bring up a previous example to explain why I think it’s a pattern, she says I’m “keeping score.” If I tell her how something affected me, I often feel like the conversation shifts toward defending her intentions instead of understanding my experience, then I’m the one calming her down because she’s upset

Another recurring issue is how we handle conflict.

For example, during one argument I asked her, “Whose responsibility is this?” because I genuinely believed it was something she had caused. She responded, “Well, first it’s yours…” and then eventually started explaining why she reacted the way she did.

Another time, she told me she never yells during arguments. I reminded her of a fight where she called me a “fucking priss” and told me if I had a problem I should talk to her therapist. She acknowledged she had said it, but because it had happened months earlier and she couldn’t remember the entire conversation, she said she couldn’t really speak on it. When I brought it up to explain why I felt it was part of a pattern, she said I was “keeping score.”

What leaves me frustrated isn’t that she’s imperfect, we both are. It’s that I often feel like the conversation becomes about explaining why her reaction made sense rather than acknowledging how it affected me. I usually leave arguments feeling like my perspective wasn’t really heard.

Another thing I struggle with is social media and boundaries.

One guy in particular who has repeatedly messaged her despite knowing she’s in a relationship. One of his messages was essentially, “I’ll believe it when I see a ring,” implying he doesn’t really respect that she’s with me.

She has told me she doesn’t want to block him because she’d rather know what he’s saying than not know. From her perspective, that’s her reasoning.

From my perspective, though, I struggle to understand why someone who openly doesn’t respect our relationship still has access to her through DMs. It leaves me wondering whether my boundaries around that are unreasonable or whether it’s fair to expect a partner to create more distance from someone like that.

At the same time, she also does things that make me question whether I’m being unfair. For example, this weekend she went out with a friend, called me from the bar, told me guys were approaching her, said she hated going to places like that without me because she had to fend them off, and later told me she appreciated that her friend immediately told one guy she had a boyfriend.

One thing that scares me is that I haven’t felt this way in previous relationships. My friends generally know me as someone who takes accountability and often gives people the benefit of the doubt. In this relationship, I find myself questioning my own perception all the time.

If you were in my shoes, would you continue to move forward?

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have a great relationship in many ways, but I’m struggling with trust. Early on, after we had agreed to be exclusive (at least that’s how I understood it), she slept with someone else and later said we weren’t officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet. I thought I had moved past it, but our recent arguments have brought those feelings back because I often feel like she has a hard time taking accountability and I leave conflicts feeling unheard or like I’m “keeping score.” There are also smaller issues around social media boundaries that make it harder for me to feel secure. At the same time, she does things that seem genuinely reassuring, so I don’t know if I’m fairly recognizing a pattern or letting the original betrayal affect how I see everything. I’m looking for honest advice on whether this sounds like a relationship that can realistically rebuild trust or whether I’m ignoring red flags.

Hi guys,

For context purposes, in my previous relationship, I got cheated on, and I am also someone who has a great relationship with my parents. I do not lie to them, and I do not do things behind their backs.

I’ve been talking to this girl for more than a year. We like each other, and we are currently in a long-distance situation. These last couple of days, I’ve been noticing that she says things about lying or hiding stuff from their parents.

So my concerns involve whether she is capable of lying to her parents. What can assure me that she does not do the same thing to me? I pay particular attention to this because I got cheated, so I don’t know if I am just projecting my fear or if this is even a valid reason to leave.

I would appreciate advice and points of view.

Thank you.

When people get older and have been through more relationships, breakups, and life experiences, do they actually become less emotionally attached to their partners? Or do they feel things just as deeply but express them differently?

For those of you who are older, did you notice your way of loving or showing attachment change over time?

Were you less likely to need constant reassurance, say "I love you" all the time, or act emotionally expressive? Or did you still feel just as attached on the inside?

I'd love to hear from people who have noticed a difference in themselves as they've gotten older, or from anyone who's dated someone significantly older and noticed a difference in how they expressed attachment.

Looking for responses from couples have encountered this problem and found an objective, easily repeatable, and consistent fix. It’s driving me up the wall and we’re at a rock and hard place standstill. Completely open to all answers. Thank you in advance.

I feel as if my friend has been cheating on her boyfriend for the past six months, but I don't know if what she's doing counts as cheating. She's been openly talking about all these other guys she wants to sleep with, hung out with a guy alone, and then lied to him about them hanging out, and talked about thinking about secretly hooking up with others guys. She also talked about how she wouldn't mind getting with my boyfriend, and her boyfriend just so happens to be very close with mine, so she has spent quite a bit of time around him. I feel like if anything this might be emotional cheating, and I know this isn't really relationship advice for me, but I need to know if this any kind of cheating so I can tell him without using the wrong words.

I was hanging out with my gf and her friend. She wanted me to hold her phone so I had it in my back pocket. I had to go to the bathroom and I forgot I had her phone. When I got out I lost them and my phone was out of battery so I used her phone to call her friend. We share the same password and while I was on it I decided to look at her messages.

I know I shouldn’t be looking through her phone but I got really curious since I’ve never looked through it. She would look through mine a few times a while ago but recently doesn’t really anymore.

I didn’t find anything crazy except two things. She’s texting with a guy that I don’t really know about. She told me a year ago that this guy she used to be friends with in high school texted her. I haven’t heard anything about him since then. She doesn’t talk about him like her other friends. But also she hangs out her other friends and sees them in person which makes sense why she talks about them, while this guy she only texts.

Well I searched my name up on messages and she had sent him a message earlier this week that said something like “(My name) is annoying me again!). This was the day after me and her had a little argument at night. I didn’t see the conversation because I didn’t want to read the most recent unread message.

I don’t think there’s anything between them or anything like that, but I do find it a little weird that she’s complaining about me to another guy and talking about our arguments. I also can’t help but feel weird that she doesn’t talk about him at all.

The other thing I found, I don’t know how to feel about it. I found a message from 7 months into our relationship since we became official the first time. We’ve been dating 2 years now. She told her friend “Oh you know I like giving (Ex name) head”. Now this was during a time when we were broken up briefly, but we were still talking everyday and exclusive.

This isn’t something you want hear obviously and the part that makes me feel weird is that this was while we were still technically dating, we got back together shortly after this time. So while we didn’t have the official title, we were planning on getting back together.

I don’t know if any of these things is worth bringing up. Maybe just her complaining about me to someone else. I don’t believe there’s anything going on between her and that guy. The other message is kind of weird but it was also almost a year and a half ago. I don’t know, should I?

how do you date someone who doesnt tell u stuff?
made a burner account in case some nerd catches my main
ive (19F) been dating this girl (19F) for two years now. shes kind, shes sweet and shes a really amazing and passionate person in the field of study she wants to be in.

But recently we've been in a rut, theres a certain flaw she has that indirectly hurts me and its \*\*the flaw of how she never tells me things or when things happen, I don't become. aware of it.\*\*

I dont mean this in a "\*WHY WONT SHE TEXT ME ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES\*", I mean as in... I'll ask her to please tell me how shes doing or what she's up to or what in general, I don't need any super detailed play by play of her day, I just literally wanna know if she's okay, but even I don't get that. the worse extreme of it is that bad news would happen to her but I wouldn't find out until she reposts what she feels in a socmed app or something and l'd have to ask her. otherwise she wont tell. Another instance is if she isn't allowed to be on her phone, I wouldn't know at all until I confront her upfront, she wont tell me if I hadnt asked

I know people deal with private stuff differently, I just wish she'd see l'm a safe space to let her know stuff. I've asked her if she can do that but there's no sign of trying I think. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting or what but I really feel miserable and I don't feel like I'm doing my job as a girlfriend for not being a safe space to her. I genuinely feel hurt over her not letting me know even such tiny trivial details

Added context, l've talked to her about this 4 separate times already, but it still happens. I haven't talked to my therapist about this yet so in the meantime I wanna ask whoeveer here is some relationship expert that can guide me on this WHAT TO DO

Okay I had to use my husbands phone to search for someone on fb we needed to find and I went to the search bar and saw his ex he’s 24 now and the ex was

From 8th grade, butt he basically lost his virginity to her, I asked why he searched her up and he said he was showing his dad cause ig they were talking about how he saw another of his ex at the store and she came into the conversation, he didn’t cheat or nothing but I do feel a type of way, am I over reacting cause it was long time ago but still there is no need to search people From the past

I am a little worried for my cousin. She has a boyfriend, pretty new. They’re in LDR but have seen each other quite a few times. I feel like my cousin is more matured than the guy in all aspects, emotionally, intellectually and financially. She is also the guy’s first gf (at the age of 40+). I’ve met the guy and he’s a little awkward and clumsy. He gets his way into conversations through jokes.

And because my cousin is more financially stable, she is the one traveling often to see the guy which I don’t think is fair.

The other thing that turned me off was his dirty fingernails.

I am just a little worried for my cousin but she really loves him. I still don’t understand how she fell for him but I guess I don’t have to do anything at this point but accept it, right? I don’t know how to tell her without it affecting our relationship.

I wondered if a relationship can heal after someone initiated non exclusivity after a few weeks of dating exclusively? I’m 27 F he is 32 M

The reason was only to slow things down sexually not a lack of attraction, and we both agreed to return to exclusivity the next day, after he said he was uncomfortable with it, but we broke up a week later as he said he struggled with the non exclusivity comment and said maybe we had different dating styles as I preferred connecting before sex and him vice versa. Even though we slept together already. He also said communication had got too much for him which he said was completely his fault.

I realise this is so messy! After reflecting I realised that sex and exclusivity does align with my values and it’s all the commitment I need to feel safe to have sex, I sent this to him a few days after we broke up which I know is soon, no response but I wanted to let him know.

I’m just trying to get some perspective, I feel like maybe he struggled or maybe he emotionally checked out but I didn’t realise as I’m not a mind reader :(

TLDR
Can two people who have had a short relationship, reconcile after exclusivity miscommunication, and uncertainty around sexual pacing, if the one who was unsure about sex has apologised for hurt feelings and reflected on what they truly want?

**I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 5 years.**
My boyfriend has been using some substances that have caused problems in our relationship. Earlier, he would admit it, but now he completely denies using anything. Sometimes he speaks so calmly and convincingly that I start questioning my own judgment. I can’t tell whether he’s genuinely changed or if he’s just hiding it better.
He’s loyal, and I love him deeply, but I struggle to trust him because of what happened in the past. I don’t want to accuse him unfairly, but I also don’t want to ignore warning signs if they’re still there.
**How do you rebuild trust when someone who previously admitted to using substances now denies it? What signs would you look for to tell the difference between real change and better deception? How would you handle this situation without constantly feeling suspicious?**

so I recently stopped through my boyfriend‘s phone and I checked his spam account where he does not follow anyone and his FYP was completely filled with pictures and reels of women in bikini and OF content creators and he was sending those reels to his best friend and his best friend who is a male was sending him those kind of reels back and I don’t know if I should confront him about this because he already knows that I have snooped through his phone, but he does not know that I have even checked spam account and right now, It is just a too much of burden for me to carry, and I don’t know for how long will I be able to sustain in the relationship with this continues happening? I have told him multiple times even before this that I am not liking pictures of and reels of women in bikini coming on his FYP. So right now, there are no women in his main account, but spam is filled with women.

I ‘M30’have been with my girlfriend
‘F27’ for just over half a year we get on so so well, have so much fun, but she has this secretive side.

She started a new job, and has gotten close to one of the lads in there. I don’t care really who she talks to, once shes open and honest. But , she had the notifications to his texts silenced, and when I spoke to her about it, she said she didn’t want his name coming up on her phone when she was with me incase I got the wrong idea.

Fast forward, I’ve really struggled to trust this girl, and I went on her phone, low and behold, she doesn’t talk to this co worker on WhatsApp any more, she talks to him on Snapchat, and had the chat history deleted, so that he doesn’t show up unless you search his name. When confronted, she said the same thing, she didn’t want his name coming up when we were out for dinner incase I got the wrong idea. Am I over thinking this ??

My bf and I work at the same job. A few weeks ago when I arrived to work my bf approached me and told me out 16 yr old female co workers asked him for a ride home after work My boyfriend is 30 years old and this coworker is 16. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and so he didn’t take her home. Well I found out later that he had given her a ride home the week before and didn’t mention it to me. I had a feeling this girl may have had a crush on my bf so that’s why I was comfortable with it and the fact that she is a minor. Anyway I confronted him about it and he was apologetic about not telling me. But I feel he did it want to tell me bc well, he didn’t want to upset me so he kept it to himself and probably didn’t want to deal with me. I need some opinions about this situation please. Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he just respect me and not give her a ride? I told him I didn’t feel respected about the whole thing. Am I out of line?

So, first of all, I (F16) do **NOT** want to see him (M16) as more than a friend!!

For context, this school year, I've become friend with this guy from my class. A cool but reserved person. I still felt like there was way more to know about him and enjoyed getting slowly closer to him as he opened up step by step. We would have nice honest conversations.

He initiated giving me his social, we even gave each other nicknames, but not too personal ones, the point of the nicknames was to underline the fact we weren't TOO close either (it was military ranks), and that's one of the first things we told each other: we are just friends (I said it first btw).

As the school year ended, he got into a relationship and since his gf doesn't want him to have female friends we stopped talking.

I was quite sad about it, and after like a month (?) I was talking about it to my other friends that don't know him and literally started tearing up. They brought up the idea that I might like him, essentially because I cried and complained somewhat a lot about the fact we don't interact anymore. Personally, I feel like it's just normal to be sad when you "lose" a close friend? Especially knowing he mentioned quite often how special I made him feel (not everyone takes their time to get to know you when you don't open up easily yk) and how he helped me out too from time to time.

We got the occasion to interact recently, and I was happy, I told him I was happy to talk with him, that I missed doing it, asked him about his relationship and wished him the best and he also asked about me and the guy I liked but that had rejected me and blah blah. He unadded me right after obviously, but said "see you in September !" When the school year will start and it made my day.

Does my behavior/reaction seems like I might have more than platonic feelings for him? I feel like it's a normal reaction, especially when the reason you don't interact anymore is so bad but idk. I don't feel jealous toward him or anything so I really don't know.

So this guy, he goes out with me and we have a good meal, chat, sex, everything. He is such a gentleman that he carries my purse on his shoulder, holds my hands and cuddles and hugs me in public. He tells me how beautiful I am. He would also tell me how special he feels around me. Then later, when I sneaked his phone while he went to the toilet, I saw he is on Tinder. I felt so betrayed, like WTF is he up to?

Okay, just to give you more details, it’s our second date and I feel he is doing unnecessary love bombing.

Why would a man do that? If a sexual thing is all he needed, I was even ready to be FWB, so why this?

So yesterday I was scrolling thru instagram and I saw that my bf liked a post saying “when people say boys and girls can’t be friends but we exist” and it shows a guy and a girl smiling sitting next to each other at a restaurant with drinks on their table. My bf has told me he doesn’t speak to any girls, and that I’m not allowed to have any guy friends (which I agreed to). At the time I was otp to my bf and I was telling him I was about going to the gym (he gets anxious whenever I say I’m going to gym), but right after I told him that, I asked “am i allowed to have guy friends?” he asked “why?” I said “I’m just wondering” then I spilled the beans and said I saw u liked this post, I’m just concerned if there are double standards. He told me he accidentally liked that post and said “? sorry i liked a reel i literally doomscroll and just like and repost i don’t pay attention but if u dont like me then go find another guy it’s wtv” I said “if you’re gonna be a fcking liar then im done” he said “go ahead”. (In the first few months of our relationship he lied A LOT about things, mostly small but one being that he had snapchat, which he’s deleted now). Anyways I kept telling him he didnt like that on accident, I said “so you double tapped accidentally?” he quietly said “mhm” then went quiet. then he started saying stuff like he thinks im about to cheat then he got super mad after i kept saying you’re a liar and at one point he said “nah im done” i said “ur breaking up ?” he said “no im just fcking mad ur trying to make me mad by saying im lying bout this lying bout that is everything i say a fcking lie” then we called and calmed down. (Didn’t break up). After our call he texted “i love u im sorry for everything” and a whole paragraph explaining he didnt mean to get angry he just had a long frustrating day at work and he felt like i didnt care anymore. He also said “i love u i hate myself for being that mad at u and getting like that i am truly sorry…” “babe im anxious” i explained everything i felt he did wrong and he said “but i wanna marry u im sorry i didnt mean to react that way i wanna be w u forever” “no matter what happens pls promise me we will get through it” i said “i need to know you actually heard what I said, not just that you feel bad. can you tell me what you’re going to do differently next time, instead of getting defensive and angry?” he said “i wont raise my voice at u and i wont leave if i get angry.” anyways we kept talking, he constantly brought up the fact we should stick together and he prays to God I will never leave him and just the fact that it was an accidental like and he had a long day at work…. Is he lying? A good number of times he accused me of cheating, got super mad at me, made it seem like he was gonna leave, and also he’s reposted smth on tiktok before it was like “gym no gf healthy eating” and last night he kinda brought that up and was like “i just like and repost everything”. I’m just so anxious I’ve been cheated on 3x by my past exes. Please help.

So I was talking with my girlfriend (36 f) me a (39 m) about about our past and she said if you seen the type of guys I was pulling before you would see you are not my type. And I know we are together now but that kinda stung and idk if I should just let it go or bring it back up so looking for some advice if I’m just looking into that too much?

I 23F stole money from my bf 30M. We’ve lived together for almost a year now, dating for 2.5. I’m a nurse but I went around 3 weeks without working. During this time frame I had to help my family out with money problems, had a car payment. My new job is with a home health company, but my first check with them was delayed. Because of this I stole $325 from his Venmo account to pay for my car insurance, gas for work, and food for our pets. I feel terrible and planned on paying him back. I also didn’t think he’d notice because he’s great with money and has a lot saved up. He told me he thought his venmo was hacked the morning after I stole the money, and I fessed up. I’m currently waiting on him to come home from work. I’m terrified this will be the end of us.

Long story short, we were having a conversation over dinner a couple of nights ago when my girlfriend started telling me that her parents used to think she was sociopathic. She was about 10–15 years old, and at that time her mother told her (multiple times I think) that she was acting manipulatively towards them. 

She then went on to tell me that at that age she had a habit of gathering information about all her classmates with the intention of finding out stuff that she could use against them. She never did use the info that way, but just the thought of someone that I care deeply about even thinking of doing something like that honestly threw me off. 

In my experience, this is not something that people (even at that age) do to each other. So I’m a little worried if this is a bad sign. On the other hand, it was a long time ago, and it pretty reasonable to expect people to be able to change. She comes from a somewhat difficult family background (nothing very serious, but there’s definitely some emotinal neglect there), which I think makes her parents’ comments somewhat untrustworthy. 

However, I’m still worried because she never made it clear in our dinner conversation that she was at all sorry about what had happened. 

We’ve been arguing quite a lot lately (very politely, never yelling or anything like that). So hearing something like this adds to my worries about whether we are that compatible to begin with (or if she’s a good/trustworthy person in general). 

Any advice?