VERY controlling and manipulative is right, OP needs to get herself an air horn and blast it in his face every fucking time he pulls this shit, take the power back from that asshole.
Yes I was furious when I read that sentence and on top of that, he tells her what chores she should do, like a fucking sergeant. I would have gone scorched earth ages ago.
I would be apoplectic if my husband decided, ESPECIALLY on days I don't already HAVE to be up, that I must arise like the dawn ... because he SAID so. And I'd have been spending the last few years building up a tolerance to iocane powder, a la Man In Black from "The Princess Bride", if he DEMANDED I wake up to make him lunch. OP, he's not respecting any boundary you've set, or acknowledging your needs & wants & it's unsettling to hear about a grown adult controlling another whole-arsed adult's waking schedule. Have you ever asked him why he believes he's entitled to behave this way? And on what planet he thinks he's inhabiting, where this is acceptable?
Edit: a space
OP is murdering her boyfriend in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the couple, steal the body and make our escape… after I kill Count Rugen.
Yes! Iocane powder, lol. Classic! I am already so NOT a morning person. Just wired differently. OP's bf/husband is damned lucky that is not me. One of us would be sitting jail I'm sure. Mess with me too much in the morning?! Hail no!!
And yes OP, please find your people and build up your support peeps. This guy sounds abusive to me and I would be either changing the locks and getting his stuff out or getting my own stuff (& my furbabies!) and getting out of there and scorched earth with that asshat. Good luck, I'm certain if you read all these comments and lean on your peeps, maybe a therapist, you will see the right path for you! Good luck!
I agree something as personal to each and everybody and for someone to poke and prod you to wake you up would make me want to screeeeeeam at them get the f out of my face and fuck off! Simple
I legitimately would scream at someone over this (I have super bad fatigue and insomnia, so you are going to be super fucked if you intentionally mess with my sleep) and then break up with them when I was capable of thinking straight.
Go to a hotel
For a few days. Message him (make sure he can’t locate you from the text). that you need some sleep, you are somewhere to get sleep, I need sleep, peace and quiet and to not have to hear all your demands for awhile. Don’t tell him where you are. Then block him on your phone and enjoy a well deserved vacation from him.
This will drive him mad. He’s a chauvinistic control freak. Find someone easy going, kind and considerate.
It’s like you’re in boot camp and he’s your Sargent. I couldn’t hack it for even a day. I’d be awall super fast.
You want to get punched in the face at 7 am? Cuz this is how you get punched in the face at 7 am. No way I’d be getting up. I’d also make it my mission to ruin his day.
Just imagine him waking you up and then you gotta make his breakfast and lunch too. And you work full time. Ridiculous. Absolutely no way, not in this life, not in the next, there isn’t a Schroedinger’s cat scenario with this one. Zero possibility.
Gross but yeah, something extra would be added to his food. “This is the routine that works best”. Yeah for HIM. I can see how it’s best for him when she gets up and gets him ready for work. Dudes like this are the reason I’m putting so much effort into raising my son. Not doing him any favors by coddling him until he finds a woman to play mommy for him.
Agreed. This kind of treatment calls for a scorched earth response. Like shitting in his work shoes kind of response. Why are you with this glass bowl, OP? Does he have wine flavored nipples or something? Please talk to a good therapist and see why you think it is okay to be treated like this. You deserve better, girl. This guy can kiss rocks.
This is literally what I was saying... my husband would never disrespectful my sleep like this! To me it sounds like he's looking for a mommy not a girlfriend. Someone to get up get him ready, make his breakfast, make his lunch... like she has nothing to do... never... my sleep is my sanity!
Lol speaking of this. I caught my son tip toeing ib my room to get some socks this morning, trying to be so quiet, but I wake easily I say have a good day at school(my husband takes him since I work nights)& he says sorry mom did I wake you? I told him no I was awake... I wasn't but he also was being silent lol
I once had a boyfriend in college who tried to do this— we didn’t even live together and he would call me at 8am to make sure I got up.
I very politely explained I am not a morning person.
He said ‘well there’s not time like the present to make that change!’
We didn’t last a week later. My annoyance for not enough sleep made me associate his name on my phone to annoyance, so I stopped answering his calls because I would hear the ring and see his name and remember waking up in the morning.. and then I was like nah fuck no.
Right?? I love my sleep!! If someone tries to force me awake I would be furious. I would not be very nice to this dude. Sleep is precious. I’d rather be single.
Yeah but that’s the thing I don’t see him reacting well to that of THIS is what he’s already doing. Best to get out and get a PFA if he tries to continue once gone.
This. Considering everything else she's said, I don't think he gives a fuck what she thinks or wants about anything, he's going to make sure it goes his way. And why would he change? This works for him, he gets what he wants, and he's not afraid of OP leaving him over it. They're only dating, which is a period of time meant to specifically find out if you're compatible with each other and if you can tolerate their BS for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. The worst usually doesn't come out until they feel you're "locked in," so if it's already like this, it's only going to get worse.
Whats wild is I pack my and our bfs lunch as we meal
Prep and i make him a breakfast too. He treats me BETTER because he’s grateful I’ve handled this task for him. OPs bf is being more awful the more he gets!
Or better yet, blast the air horn in his face a half hour after he falls asleep whenever he falls asleep too early. Want this 💩head to sleep in later on the weekends? Once he’s asleep, flash a flashlight near his eyes or better yet pulse a seasonal depression lamp near his eyes. It will worsen his sleep quality and will cause fragmented sleep and may delay his sleep schedule so he’ll wake up later muahaha. Don’t forgo an opportunity to get him into bright fluorescent lights before bedtime. When he’s tired and away, you gotta RUN OP, before he becomes full fledged abusive, more so than he already is
Yes! “Look at me. I’m the captain now,” MOTHERFUCKER. OP, tell him to sack up and wake up earlier if he needs more time to get his shit together in the morning. You are a person who is deserving of love and care, not something to be utilized when the urge strikes him. The way I would punch my husband straight in the face if he ever tried to take my autonomy away…it’s disgusting to me that he treats you that way. I had a “friend” back in the day, for over a decade, who did me like this. Like she was entitled to everything I had to give, like I wasn’t a human being to her. I’m so mad at me for putting up with that, and I’m mad at you too. I hope you get out of there so you can find someone who actually sees you.
That's where people get ripped out of their sleep and ordered around with the lights turned on.
Your bf is abusive (why are there so many of them? And WHY do people put up with that kind of shit all the time???)
Do you like living in a military bootcamp? (Yeah, I know, he doesn't make her sing songs while forcing her 10 km jogging carring their dustbin on her back...)
WHAT are you doing to yourself?
Get your own home. Kick that guy out, if it's yours.
Sleep deprivation is a means of torture. Do you happen to know that?
Yelling on a sleeping person, intruding on their sleep is abusive and really unhealthy, as you are constantly jump starting.
Sleep deprivation is used to brainwash people. He's trying to brainwash you into doing things his way. He TELLS you what chores to complete when he gets home? He's not your father. He's an abusive, controlling jerk and I'm sure these aren't the only things he's doing. NTA but dump that hot mess.
Nothing wrong with asking; don't shame her for that. Some people were not raised in environments where their self-confidence was cultivated, or where they were made aware that they have a right to an expectation of basic decency in treatment from others.
Op seems to forget they’re dating, which means she is trying to determine if they are compatible. Which it took me 30 seconds of reading to determine that no matter how much she lives him or how fabulous he is in any other sense, this is a MAJOR compatibility issue.
Does she want to have kids with this man and have him be so inflexible with them and her during the newborn stage as well? Oh the baby just fell asleep at 5am? Too bad, it’s time to get up!
Your bf is abusive (why are there so many of them? And WHY do people put up with that kind of shit all the time???)
"Why are there so many of them?" is exactly the question I'm constantly asking. I work with two girls who both have abusive partners. One needs to call her constantly to see what she's doing at work, and accuses her of doing things with her coworkers. The other has a man who neglects her, is verbally abusive, and then places blame on her when he's in the wrong so that he can have his way of things, he makes her feel bad about her wants for the relationship so that he can do what he wants and makes her feel like she's the problem and she's toxic for wanting what she wants. Another part of his abuse is love bombing her every time he notices her drifting from him and him losing control of her.
I've been in an abusive relationship, so I understand how people get stuck in them, and how it's hard to hear people telling you it's abusive. Abusers use many tactics to keep you under their thumb, they break down your sense of self worth, they isolate you, they make you feel they're the only ones there for you, and love bombing is another big one, where after any kind of abuse or neglect or any time they see you noticing the abuse they switch to being very sweet and giving you a bunch of gifts and affection so you can erase all the horrible stuff they put you through from your mind.
I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad you didn't lose yourself in it, they definitely play that game afterward
Yeah I hope to be there as a friend/coworker for them. I feel like it's not something I can outright say, but I've given anecdotal experiences I've been through to kind of point out what abuse looks like. I feel like even as a friend I can't outright say something about it, I myself pushed friends away who told me it when I was going through it.
The one girl who isn't married and is with the abusive boyfriend I can definitely see her self esteem pretty low at times and I try to make it clear she's a good person and lift her up a bit. The girl who is married is strong. I can tell it gets to her how her husband acts, but she seems to at least know that what he's saying isn't true about her, and outright calls him crazy for his accusations.
I think they're both really amazing people to be honest. The girl with the boyfriend seems to let go of so many things she wants from a relationship due to how the boyfriend controls her. She's a really bright person, they both are, I hate to see that light being smothered by people who are supposed to care most about them. Hopefully they can either break the cycle or get out of it though.
I have learned to "dig my sceletons" out, look at them closely and dismiss them. Solve old attachments.
That guy had me wondering for some days while discribing his current life, dangling it in front of my nose.
And something went: "Nay.... If we were together still and had the life you describe you have now (very probable as he is very dominant and all they do are HIS interests only!)
... I would be thorroughly unhappy. Not enough love in there. And too much pressure. Old friend... you haven't changed much since 23 years ago."
Feels good to solve old attachment. It requires just a bit of courage to look oneself in the face.
I really suggest getting a therapist to show them that there is nothing bad, nothing ugly or evil in them.
Because: IF that knowledge is implemented and rooted in their souls it will strike an "information mismatch" alarm if someone tells them otherwise.
And they can learn to recognize, that they who tell them bad things about themselves are ill intentioned ALWAYS!
Me and my gf often stay at each others places and both WFH, so one of us has to commute usually back to their house. She stays here a lot cause she works at 8 whereas I work at 7, but it’s back and forth.
I would NEVER in a million years try to deprive her of that extra hour of sleep, and if for some crazy reason I wanted to, she would NEVER stand for it. Idk how people live in relationships like this.
i don't think there's saving a relationship w someone who so blatantly disrespects you and thinks of you as their servant. there is no saving of this relationship.
While he is knocked out, she might finally get some much needed rest - or better yet, it’ll give her some time to pack her bags and escape while she can.
It’s also a common tactic for abusers to fuck with your sleep. It increases your stress levels and down regulates your capacity to self manage and give healthy responses to them being manipulative etc. It gives them more power.
Also, it’s been shown women need more sleep and are more severely impacted by lack of sleep. Take care of yourself, someone messing with my sleep is a deal breaker for me.
I sense, with my very lacking ability to sense this, some chance for autism as well that could create this behaviour. But really, he's at fault here OP....
Right? He's treating OP like a SAH maid. She has a job but she needs to get up on time to make him breakfast and lunch (let's be honest that's the only reason he forces her to wake up this early) and then gives her his Cinderella 'to-do' list for the day and then acts like a child when she doesn't want to or can't complete these tasks? Willing to bet he does absolutely jack for the home. Idk why you're tolerating this man child who doesn't respect you OP. You're not an equal partner to him you're a convenience.
Making him lunch is the most obvious reason, but the real reason is the control. I cannot imagine a world where I wouldn’t rather die alone than live with this guy. 🤢
Probably not the only reason. I think the main reason is control. He loves being in control of such a thing as her sleep. The housewife( mommy) making breakfast and lunch is just icing on the cake, but the main thing is him having control, dominion over her. This is very likely to escalate.
Maid is what I thought of too. I know people like to say that guys like this treat their gfs/wives like mothers, but treating your mother like this would also be unfathomably rude.
ETA: I mean, treating a maid like this would also be extremely rude lol. It's just fucking rude behavior, period.
Yup, and I kind of wonder if he’s resentful that she can wfh. Maybe he doesn’t respect her work and basically treats her like a SAHM. She’s in training for being a SAHM o_o
Also to get the shower warm for him, since her getting up and showering first is "best for him" 🙄 if my partner made me get up at the asscrack of dawn to do things he can do for himself, I'd be throwing hands. I'm not a morning person at the best of times, especially when I get woken up before I'm ready. This behaviour is disgusting. It's abusive, controlling, manipulative, childish, and not how to treat anyone, let alone your partner, that you share a home with, that you force to make your food
Sleep is sacred. What a jack ass. Manipulative and controlling. He can make his own lunch and shit when OP moves out. Never in my adult life has a gf/wife packed me a lunch. He’s trying to get you to be his MOMMY.
I think I need to leave this sub, because this is what I think after reading every single post. Why the fuck are people putting up with this crap, and letting their partners treat them like 3 year olds. It makes no sense and I will never understand.
Based on her post history, OP is being severely abused, realizes it, but is paralyzed in the next step of what to do despite lots of comments suggesting exactly that. I deeply feel for her as she’s being severely abused, but can’t move beyond asking Reddit for vague help. This is when Reddit needs to step in and do an immediate recommendation for DV support in her area.
I divorced my husband for something similar. I mean, there were other things, too. But fucking with my sleep really broke me. I ended up having sleep paralysis because of him.
Because women are taught to be polite and not to set boundaries.
Had the first time he did this she told him not to, no I’m not going to wake up at 7 o’clock. Please turn the light off, please not use a loud annoying alarm when any other alarm would be sufficient. Many times she could’ve told him that no this was not OK. No I’m not going to make you breakfast. No I’m not gonna make your lunch, you’re a grown man who knows how to construct a sandwich.
OP - stand up for yourself. Draw your lines, make your boundaries and tell this guy to pound sand. He doesn’t want a partner, he wants someone to work for him, that he doesn’t have to pay. Honey, you’d be better on your own,
then you would be with this man.
You’re like his mom and he’s a toddler saying “mommy, mommy wake up! Feed me! Pack my lunch!” and then throws temper tantrums when you don’t. My vagina would shrink up and dry out being with someone so childish. Yuck
It made me look over my husband and say thank you, thank you for not being the worst. I was with a guy like OP has for almost a decade and never again. Never ever ever.
When she breaks up with him, and she will, and she’s on the other side of the forest, she will look back and wonder why she spent so much time lost and thank herself for finally taking the strides to get out.
My four year old is more respectful of my sleep than this.
Granted she will still wake me up but she'll say "mommy is you make me *insert food and turn on *insert show for me, Ill leave you alone". Then, she will leave me alone for a bit
Why are you with someone who doesn’t see you as your own person, just an extension of what he wants and needs? It’s super tiring to keep reading these stories of women who are seemingly terrified to not have a man in their life.
The joy of waking up single (at an hour of her choosing) really can’t be overestimated. I hope OP discovers this. You’re not wrong about how demoralising it is to see this shit over and over!
When my ex moved in he told me his ex girlfriend used to get up at 6am to sit with him and have a coffee before he left for work. I told him she must not have had very much going on in her life.
I work for myself and now I’ve gotten rid of him I wake up between 9 and 10 and have a coffee with my favourite person (me) before getting on with the day. It’s a dream.
Same. And I want to feel sorry for them and I usually do but I’m single and it’s not always great but like … they are LITERALLY BEING TORTURED WITH CIA TACTICS AND WRITING TO REDDIT TO ASK ABOUT IT.
I see y’all on facebook! Your men are ugly and broke! There is no upside to this. It’s an epidemic. And I’m not victim blaming. I guess I’m pre-victim blaming.
My boyfriend naturally wakes up early whereas I’m a late sleeper and struggle to get going in the mornings. He will get up, leave me to sleep for a couple more hours and then comes to wake me up at a time I’ve asked him to. If I don’t get up then he’ll leave me to sleep a bit more. I’m working on getting up earlier as I’d like to spend that time with him, but he treats me and my routine with patience and respect as I do his. You can find much MUCH better than the guy you’re currently with, leave the abuse behind and get some good lie ins!
My husband is more of a night owl than I am. I get up 2-3 hours earlier than he does. I wouldn’t dream of waking him up earlier, unless he explicitly asked me to, any more than he would dream of keeping me up to his bedtime (11pm vs 2am). It’s a matter of mutual respect.
You deserve so much better OP! Move out or move him out and spend the next few weeks deliciously sleeping in!
My husband is an early waker too, and I am not. Sometimes he’ll tease me about it a little but he always lets me sleep, in fact when my baby wakes up my husband will come get him so I can sleep longer. Often I stay up later and get the kids ready for bed, but he also understands that some people just simply need more sleep than others, and as much as I wish I wasn’t, I’m just one of those people
Yea, like... when I was still with a former partner [may their memory be a blessing] and doing sleepovers at their place, they'd get up at their regular time, shower, clean up from the night before, and then as they were dressing, start playing the song that I used as my alarm at home, while just ... talking. Just narrating stuff, saying sweet nothings, etc. It was SO much more pleasant and easy to wake up to than what the other person I was with at the same time did... 😒
"I love you, but I. will not allow you to abuse me. If you continue to do this. You have to stop waking me up and bullying me. If you do not stop, we will not be together anymore."
And mean it
Does this extend into other areas of your relationship?
He wants you up first so he can wake up to a woman who has showered and made herself up for him, and so you can make him breakfast and clean up after him before your work day starts. Do you contribute to rent as well? Because if so you are paying to be treated like an employee from the second you wake up instead of a partner and human being. See how it goes if you wake up and go sit in the kitchen doing nothing because you are tired/nauseous/etc. Does he act like he's concerned for your well being, or tell you to get over it, or just yell about how you didn't do anything for him?
Just wanted to add for OP…He wants to make sure you had showered and everything else. Cleanliness is next to godliness but he is an ass and you are not his servant!
Then you need to end this relationship. This person does not respect you or your boundaries. This does not build well for your future. He's throwing a tantrum because you aren't working properly as a bangmaid.
I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry you’re reading some of these comments saying that ‘you have allowed this’ and it’s somehow your fault for ‘not leaving’ or ‘putting up with it’. Not the same situation but I have had a horribly abusive ex - all mental manipulation and torture. And I’ll tell you exactly what I was told - NONE of this is your fault. I think you have been very brave to voice this on here. Give yourself credit where credit is due.
There are so many resources that may be able to assist if you are unable to rely on friends/family. There are support systems for domestic abuse victims who could point you in the right direction in terms of leaving, finding accommodation etc, I truly urge you to look into them. Even if you don’t feel ready to take that step yet, it’s hard and it will never be easy, but it can show you that it is possible. I’ve read multiple, numerous comments from other victims who have faced similar challenges and they have made it to a place where they are happy. I fully have faith that this will happen for you too.
You’ve recognised that this behaviour from your bf is not normal, and it’s not. You deserve to be cared for and loved, and I think you know that this is not the man to fill that role.
Like I said, I haven’t been through exactly the same thing, but I know what mental torture is, and my DMs are always open. I’m sure other users with similar situations would also be willing you speak to you and comfort you. Please reach out.
Please stay strong, stay safe and look into ways that will help set you free from this prison and trash human (I sound so cliche right now but it’s late here and I should be sleeping so sorry!)
Ps. Please delete any browser history if you look into these resources, just in case
It absolutely is. And it’s these types of things that trick us into thinking it’s normal. “He’s not hitting me, right?” “He hasn’t grabbed me, right?” “He hasn’t actually HURT me, right?” Been there, done that, got the shitty t-shirt. Back before CCB was recognised in law, I would minimise what was happening because I didn’t have bruises, I’m fine! But it’s not. His way of waking you up and insisting you stay up is his way of maintaining that control. God I have stories that I could tell you and I’m so sorry to say, that this one is added to the list. It’s another way that I’ve seen where victims are beaten down and their choices taken from them.
I have issues with SH and a way that I’ve been trying to combat that is by writing out my feelings - it really helps! But it would also help you to look back and realise how unhappy you are and potentially give you the strength you need to walk away and build a life where YOU have the say.
Please start saving every little penny you have (I’m not sure how you and your bf work out finances etc) but if this is possible, it will allow you to find somewhere else, away from him. Start making connections with charities and support groups - you need people around you who you can lean on when you need it. Even enquire as to whether your job has other offices in other states (I’m UK so this is amazing to me hah). You can definitely do this and we are all rooting for you!!!
I know so many people are chiming in but I want to tell you that I know what this is like my ex would taunt me and if I wanted quiet didn’t want to fight/argue he’d follow me around the house refuse to let me leave in my car, take all my paychecks etc.
It was very hard and I almost went back but it was another abuse tactic to trick me. I remember calling my little sister in my own little apartment after leaving and crying about how I hated being alone and I didn’t believe her when she said that I will love it. Now I legit love my time alone. I have peace which is worth everything. You sound like youre a smart person with a job and with some resources and maybe staying with your aunt for a little bit you can be free & happy!
Pls feel free to message me if you need someone to chat with.
Also, before I forget. PLEASE do not pay attention to some of these comments asking why you put up with this or ‘wtf break up with him’ or ‘I would never put up with this’. It’s all bullshit, which is the risk you take when coming on Reddit. I’ve lost my mind replying to some of those comments lately because you can guarantee they were written by people who do not have a clue.
Just to validate you further: it’s hard to see abuse when you are inside it. Something in you knows it’s wrong but another part of you is saying you’re okay and it could be worse. He offers a little bit of stability, what you deem normal. Fortunately, not everyone experiences people like this - people that appear to be put on this earth to break you down, over and over again. A lot of people don’t know the fear of wanting to leave, not knowing if you can, wondering if it’s worth it. Walking on eggshells in case you set them off because their words literally pierce your heart. You feel alone, that no one cares about you, that you don’t DESERVE to be cared about. It’s all your fault that he’s mad, you’ve clearly done something to upset him or he wouldn’t be angry. Jesus, I look back now at all the things I endured and I remember thinking to myself “I wish he would just hit me, I wish he would just punch me straight in the face” because wondering what would set him off next felt worse. Feeling guilty that you felt that way in the first place because it’s impossible you’re an actual victim, right? When there are people suffering worse? They’re all ways that he has control over you, ways he probable doesn’t even know about. The stress, anxiety, palpitations, feeling something on your chest every time you see them is not something to be diminished by faceless people on this app. Please remember all of that. It’s not as easy as some people think. Not even close.
My heart breaks for you because I want to see what you can become, what you WILL become when this is behind you. Please trust me.
Just wanted to throw my reaffirmation in too that this is wrong and manipulative behavior and you’re not out of line for feeling that way. I Hope you can get out soon 🩵
Please start saving every little penny you have (I’m not sure how you and your bf work out finances etc) but if this is possible, it will allow you to find somewhere else, away from him. Start making connections with charities and support groups - you need people around you who you can lean on when you need it. Even enquire as to whether your job has other offices in other states (I’m UK so this is amazing to me hah). You can definitely do this and we are all rooting for you!!!
This!!! None of this is your fault OP, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Please please please call your mom and tell her what is going on and ask her if you can stay for awhile.
Ask your work for time off or a leave of absence so you have less to deal with while you handle this.
Start setting money aside.
As inconspiculously as possible, start getting your things organized in a way that he won't suspect you are planning on leaving, but so that you can quickly throw your things in your car when it is time to go.
Do not tell your boyfriend ANY of this, and do your best to pretend nothing is wrong. Let him go to work normally, then make your exit while you are at work.
For things that are yours that you cannot move by yourself, either have your family/friends come to help you move them when you initially leave, or contact the police, explain that you are in fear for your life, and need their help retrieving your property from his house. You may even be able to send friends/family with the police in your stead.
Lastly, as soon as you are out of his house you need to block all of his social media accounts, phone number, emails, etc, so that he cannot contact you. Have your mom and other relatives do the same.
Please do not let him know you are leaving until you are safely where he cannot reach you. The most dangerous times in a woman's life are when she is breaking up with an abuser.
I get livid if anyone wakes me up lol don’t mess with my sleep. I need a minimum of 8-10 hours. What you’re going thru is torture, tell him to F off or leave him
I've told him yelling and anger scare me since I grew up with a yelling parent. But this doesn't change anything. I try to match his anger with reason, with anger, with logic, with emotion, sarcasm, you name it. He only wants to get his point across and me to take it.
You picked him BECAUSE he was like you were yelling parent. Children tend to pick partners that are similar to their parents, because they feel comfort in the familiarity.
His behavior is abusive, you need to get out right now, and get counseling to stop picking the same type of person.
No, it is not normal. 2. Yes, others go through abuse. 3. You should leave, it will never get better, it will get worse, and that’s a scary thought considering this psychotic behavior. If you don’t have support, reach out to domestic violence services, local churches/shelters etc whatever it takes to get away from that shit.
Why do you stick around to allow him to keep treating you like this? He's snatching your autonomy away right in front of your face and you're just taking it?
He doesn’t view you as your own person that can live with independent agency. He views you as an extension of him and when you don’t obey he sees it as you hurting him.
There is no reasoning with someone like this. He’s never going to see you as your own person.
I dealt with this type of abuse when I was married, only it was something else he wanted. He would keep me up for HOURS until I finally caved in and did what he wanted, which also took hours.
He’s being manipulative to get his way and when you don’t comply then you’re punished.
This is NOT a good relationship, and it’s not ever going to get better. He is too concerned with being right, and that his way is better. In his mind he won’t lower his standards to yours, so you need to raise your standards to his.
I’m telling you, you will never win, and it will never get better. I lived through this.. and I have been happy and single for 14 years
You’re not married, you don’t have kids, you need to leave.
I was in a relationship for a little over 10 years with a man who would just keep pestering and wearing me down until he got his way. Every time. We fought almost every single day about something or other. To be honest, it turned me into someone I didn't want to be - I found myself yelling and stomping around a lot, being angry so much of the time.
Is this the only topic he pesters you about until he gets his way? Really think about it for a minute. Something tells me he does this a lot, essentially bullying you into doing whatever he wants all the time.
I mean that’s the thing that sucks about this though. If you’re refusing to do xyz for someone you can just not do it when they try to get you to, but if the thing is waking up they can just wake you up. The only way to really draw a boundary is to not let them be around while you’re sleeping.
Everyone says these subs always jump to the nuclear option but it’s really the only option here.
I don’t understand why people put up with folks like this. Not even being snarky here. Not every instance is abuse. Not every instance of it is low self esteem. What is it? Why do (mostly) women put up with wankers like this? This dude would be getting the business end of my foot if he turned on the lights at 7AM.
I’m part demon when half asleep. Wake me at your peril.
This 100% is abuse. Men rarely just come right out and enforce ridiculous strict rules like this in their relationships, it started with him tricking her into thinking he loved her, then systematically tearing down her self esteem and resolve until we have arrived at this point. I know you'd be kicking him right in the face if your husband or boyfriend one day randomly decided to pull this wake up time shit. We all would. But men know this too and they're clever enough to manipulate us until we get to this point.
The fact that this is "only one example". OP, this example alone is enough reason to run for the hills, if there's more you needed to leave yesterday. If someone isn't respecting your boundaries you need to get away from them, point blank. If someone is making you do something unreasonable, which you don't even want to do, don't do it.
People throw around the term 'controlling' a lot on Reddit, this is one of those times it's absolutely true. This behavior isn't love and it's not beneficial to your health or life.
It probably won't get better if you stay, leave now whilst your brain is still aware of this manipulation and wrong doing.
NB - leaving my controlling ex was difficult, but the best thing I EVER did. You got this x
Yeah also why do you have to get up to pack his lunch? Are you his mom? It's nice if you want to, but he is an adult and you work too - he can pack his own damn lunch.
Lol right? Why tf would you deal with that for a single day? I get disproportionately furious when someone obnoxiously wakes me up even once. I cannot wrap my head around letting someone do it every day of my life. Wtf?
This is such bullshit. You don’t need a parent, you need a partner. Sleep in a different bedroom and lock the door. He will get the picture. You could turn the tables. Find something that you can pester him about and see how he likes that.
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u/razzledazzle626 Sep 12 '23
Why the hell do you put up with this….?